Posted tagged ‘Manziel jokes’
March 1, 2017
The NCAA has suspended five Richmond baseball players, allegedly for taking part in a fantasy football league. Good to see them focusing on the real important stuff.
Lakers honored 2017 Rose Bowl Champions USC Trojans at their game tonight. Well, probably best chance anytime soon for ANY champions to be on the floor at Staples Center.
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You know it’s really early days in Spring Training when even as a serious SF Giants fan you hear someone got an RBI & you aren’t sure what team they play for.
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Johnny Manziel missed a court-ordered deadline with his domestic violence case, but told the judge today that it was partly because “I don’t believe in what the NFL does (or) have a lot of trust in them based on past situations.” Manziel also said “my life is trending upward.”
Uh, apparently that upward trend doesn’t yet include personal responsibility.
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Nordstrom just reported better-than-expected quarterly profit. Hmm, SNL, the NY Times… Trump IS helping make some companies great again.
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Facebook is running an ad on ADHD coaching. Do they really expect anyone who might need the coaching to stay focused enough to click on the ad. Oh, look a squirrel video….
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Add to the list of NBA teams unhappy with Trump, the Washington Wizards, since #JointSession means most Americans missed their best game of year.
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Sometimes we can all get along:. Keith Ellison brought Tom Perez as his guest to tonight’s #JointSession
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Who says I never agree with anything Trump does? New V.A secretary David Shulkin is chosen Designated Survivor?
We’re getting rid of regulations but the water and air are going to choose to be clean. #TrumpEnvironmentalPolicy
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What does Trump have against Chicago? Did a woman from there turn down one of his marriage proposals once?
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“Lawless chaos.” What does Trump think this country really is? Another installment in the Mad Max Series? #JointAddress
Why Steve Beshear? Well, for one big reason, it means that many Democrats, still working on healing after Ellison-Perez race, don’t get upset. Because anointing ANYONE as the future of the Democratic party right now probably pisses off at least 1/3 of the party no matter who it is.
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Once again feel so sad that Jennifer Granholm was born in Vancouver.
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Attorney General Sessions is worried about “marijuana being sold at every corner grocery store.” Would it be OK if Walmart sold pot next to gun dept?
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#Oscars vowing to “take action” after Best Picture debacle. Uh, simple rule, if you’re in charge of envelopes, put away your damn phone.
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Happy Mardi Gras. But really, these days in America isn’t every Tuesday Fat Tuesday?
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“Ryan was a part of a highly successful raid’. Lovely sentiment. Lovely widow. But then why did you say the military “lost” him. Sad.
Trump invited the widows of two police officers and the father of a son who were all killed by undocumented immigrants to sit in the Presidential box for his address to Congress tonight.
As to the widow of the Indian man killed in Kansas, and families of the Charleston shooter…. well, sorry, they were killed by white Americans.
Trump tonight “I have ordered the Department of Homeland Security to create an office to serve American victims. The office is called VOICE: Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement.”
VOICE? Really? Because CONTROL and KAOS were taken?
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Trump seen ordering a well done steak with ketchup? Where’s outrage from those who attacked NY Mayor DeBlasio for eating pizza with a fork?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Congress jokes, dnc jokes, Janice Hough, Joint address joints, Manziel jokes, nordstrom jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 29, 2016
Following on the NBA championship of the Cavs, the Indians have won 12 games in a row. For those who think Cleveland’s just piling on, don’t worry, the Browns’ pre-season starts soon.
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The NCAA has a new rule that all bowl-eligible teams with 6-6 records must be chosen for a bowl before any teams with a 5-7 record are offered the games.
With all due respect, isn’t a bowl game for a .500 team the football equivalent of a participation trophy?
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The NFL Players Association doesn’t want the active players named in the Al-Jazeera PED report interviewed by the league, but Peyton Manning apparently will cooperate. So long as the interview is sponsored by Papa John’s and Budweiser.
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Michael Phelps tonight won the 200-meter butterfly and became the first U.S. male swimmer to qualify for five Olympics. Whereupon he celebrated by yelling “You punks get out of my pool.”
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2015 Seahawks backup QB Tarvaris Jackson was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after a woman in Florida accused him of threatening her with a gun last week. Now, newly signed backup QB Trevone Boykin has been charged with assault causing bodily injury after an Dec 31 incident with a police officer at a bar before the Alamo Bowl.
Who’s next for Seattle? Johnny Manziel is available.
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Johnny Manziel says he is going sober on July 1. For the troubled QB’s sake, I hope he’s right. But hard not to quote Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”
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The Miss Teen USA pageant says they are dropping the swimsuit portion of their competition, replacing it with an athletic wear competition. For all men who only tuned in for the swimsuits, three words “tight yoga pants.
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The California “Adult Use of Marijuana Act” is officially on this November’s ballot. Well, it’s high time.
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#HeterosexualPrideDay. Really? Just go to a lot of frat houses, where every day is #HetrerosexualPrideDay.
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Regarding that story of Christy Sheats, the Texas mom and gun-rights advocate who fatally shot her daughters, reports are now that police had been called out 14 times since 2012 to their home, calls involving Christy’s having a “mental crisis.”
And she was still allowed to have guns? #wellplayedNRA #sarcasm
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Surprisingly little media attention to Istanbul only a day after the attacks. Must not have been any Americans killed. Sigh.
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I miss President Obama already: “Now somebody else who has never shown any regard for workers, who has never fought on behalf of social justice issues, they don’t suddenly become a populist because they say something controversial in order to win votes. That’s not the measure of populism. That’s nativism or xenophobia or worse. Or it’s just cynicism.”
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A new Quinnipiac University poll says Donald Trump has the support of 1% of black voters. That many?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cleveland jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, marijuana jokes, Michael Phelps, NCAA jokes, NFL jokes, pageant jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 24, 2016
F*ckmuppet might be the word of the year. Anyone want to start printing t-shirts?
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The Brexit vote won largely in Britain with over-60 year old voters. Younger Brits voted “remain”, but had a lower turnout.
Lesson for the younger generation of Americans, if you didn’t like your parents telling you what to do growing up, make damn sure you vote in November.
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. Google reports that in Britain today the most Googled question was “What does it mean to leave the EU?” But the number TWO question – “What is the EU?” #cantfixstupid
A “Leave” voter interviewed by the BBC today: “I’m a bit shocked to be honest. I didn’t think that was going to happen. I didn’t think my vote was going to matter too much because I thought we were just going to remain.” And then he added that he was “quite worried.”
#facepalm #voteshaveconsequences
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California has been a bit of a laughing stock at times because of all the really important questions we put to a vote with often flawed and misunderstood propositions. But don’t think we’re going to top Britain.
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Well at least England doesn’t have to worry about any more heartbreaking losses in the Eurocup #BrexitVote
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Johnny Manziel’s lawyer accidentally sent a text to the AP which included this about a possible plea deal “Heaven help us if one of the conditions is to pee in a bottle.” Looking like Manziel’s judgment on lawyers is about as good as his judgment on everything else.
#SFGiants should really get a dispensation to open up beer sales again in any 9th inning where Casilla comes in.
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A traveler from New Orleans to Atlanta ended up being the only passenger on a 160-seat Delta plane, And Delta probably still charged him for an aisle seat.
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In Dallas more than 30 people have been treated for burns after Tony Robbins encouraged them to walk on hot coals as a way of conquering their fears. #andthesepeoplevote
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The Battle Creek Bombers, a minor league baseball team, is having “Second Amendment Education Night tonight, sponsored by a local gun dealer. Although guns will not be sold, the event will be “open carry.” Wonder if that includes the umpires.
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The RNC is having a giant picture of Lebron James across from Quicken Loans Arena, a favorite Cleveland spot for selfies, removed before their July convention. What a shame. It also might have been attendees only chance to get a picture featuring an African-American.
QB Tarvaris Jackson, an NFL free agent who was most recently Russell Wilson’s backup with the Seahawks, was arrested in Floriday for allegedly pointing a loaded gun at his wife and threatening to kill her. You know, that might be a little excessive even if Jackson hoped to get signed by the 49ers.
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Okay, Donald Trump is both praising the Brexit vote, and blaming Obama for it. Uh, if Brexit is a good thing, then shouldn’t Trump be giving the President not blame but credit? #logicisacommiepinkoconcepts
Taylor Swift, who just broke up with Calvin Harris, introduced her boyfriend of two weeks, British actor Tom Hiddleston, to her mom Thursday, and then flew with him Friday on her private jet to England to meet HIS mother. Well, the couple may not marry, but at least Swift should get a heck of a song out of it.,
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, brexit jokes, england jokes, eu jokes, Janice Hough, leave jokes, Manziel jokes, remain jokes, Trump jokes
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June 8, 2016
Kentucky coach John Calipari said the Philadelphia 76ers should select the Wildcats’ Jamal Murray as the No. 1 pick in the June 23 NBA draft. So what did Murray ever do to him?
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Johnny Manziel is allegedly still holding out hope for a return to football in 2016. “Give it up already,” responded Tim Tebow.
#SteveKerr asked about #Cavs aggressive start after the first quarter of game 3.. “What did you see in response from your guys?” “Not a whole lot.” #Popwouldbepround #GSWvsCLE
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But so what #Cavs needed to compete with #Warriors was for #KevinLove to get a concussion? Heck, a Cleveland teammate might have clocked him sooner.
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“The Greatest” wanted his funeral to be free and so 15,000 tickets were given away in Louisville. Now of course, people are trying to sell the free tickets on Ebay etc. Ali family spokesman Bob Gunnell said “I’m personally disgusted and amazed that someone would try to profit off of Muhammad Ali’s memorial service.”
“Disgusted,” I get. “Amazed….?” Someone hasn’t been paying attention.
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#BristolPalin has married her baby daddy. And millions of Americans are asking “Which one?”
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Guess resort fees aren’t enough. MGM Resorts International in Las Vegas is now charging for parking at all their properties. Ah, for the days when the only bandits in town were the one-armed variety.
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Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for two years for using PEDs. And at the same time Hillary wins the Democratic nomination we are reminded it’s not always a good thing when women prove they can be equal to men.
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Bill Nye “the Science Guy” says that conservatives need an “epiphany” to attract younger voters. Okay, “science” is one strike against him, does Nye really think it will help his cause to use high-faluting words like “epiphany?”
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#Kasich is holding steady at about 11% in #CaliforniaPrimary . That’s about as high as he got in most states when he was still campaigning.
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Despite Hillary Clinton’s winning California by about 13%, the networks didn’t call the primary win for her until about 4a. In related news, the same networks are saying the Golden State Warriors still have a pretty good chance to win the NBA championship.
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Email from Bernie Sanders today “The struggle continues.” Yes, it does. But the arithmetic does not.
Convicted rapist and former Stanford swimmer Brock Turner is apparently filing an appeal, even with his slap-on-the-wrist sentence. Hmm, can someone make up some #20minutesofaction” t-shirts for Turner to give to his future wife and/or daughters?
The Guardian has leaked a letter that convicted rapist Brock Turner sent to the judge in his case “I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school. I’ve lost my ability to obtain a Stanford degree. I’ve lost employment opportunity, my reputation and most of all, my life.” #getouttheviolins
Stuart Anderson, founder of the Black Angus Steakhouse chain, has passed away at the age of 93. No details on services yet, but no doubt coupon discounts will be available.
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ali jokes, brock turner jokes, Cavs jokes, Clinton jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, NBA finals jokes, sharipova jokes, Vegas jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 10, 2016
Jordan Spieth’s 12th hole today at the #Masters might have been worst the few minutes for top golfer in recent history not involving an Escalade.
#SFGiants are heading to Denver, where rookie Trevor Story has hit 7h home runs in six games. Just guessing Giants’ hitters find this story a lot more fun than their pitching staff.
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So maybe it wasn’t so shocking that #SFGiants came back from a 5-0 deficit in the 1st. But that #Cueto went 7 and was winning pitcher?
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The Mets wear 1986 throwback jerseys today and promptly get beat by the #Phillies. Time to throw the jerseys back?
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Great, now the Warriors season “Running down Bulls record” is “sponsored by American Express. And some wonder why kids get the idea sports is all about money?
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T.J.Ward is the second player on the Denver Broncos to publicly support Johnny Manziel joining the team, saying he would welcome the QB with “open arms.” So this brings up a two-part question – how talented is Manziel and how toxic is Kaepernick?
I know #Yankees rule the #ESPN world, but in April might have been a good weekend to have #Dodgers #Giants be the #Sundaynightbaseball game. (Yankees Tigers were rained out.)
Arizona Cardinals coach Bruce Arians told coaches at a high school clinic that one of football’s biggest problems is “moms.” No joke. Saying our sport is “being attacked. It’s the best game that’s ever been f—ing invented. And we have to make sure that moms get the message, because that’s who’s afraid of our game right now. It’s not dads; it’s moms.”
Right, and the problem isn’t concussions either. Is Arians trying to prove he’s anti-woman enough to join the GOP race for President?
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Much talk now over an interview Laura Bush gave “I want our next president—whoever he or she might be—to be somebody who is interested in women in Afghanistan and who will continue U.S. policies, adding that person should “pay attention to our history, and know what’s happened before and know specifically how we can continue to do the good things that we do around the world.”
Some interpret her words as saying she will vote for Hillary Clinton. But hey, if Trump and Cruz are the GOP choices, say what you want about W., but no one ever accused Laura of being that conservative. Nor bat-sh*t crazy.
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A Politico article asks “Can GOP Elites Really Turn Back the Clock in Cleveland?” Meaning, can they pick a candidate who never entered the primaries. Although would it really be that surprising? Most of the candidates who are and have been in the primaries want to turn the clock back for women to the 19th century.
If elected, how long until Donald Trump outlaws the Boston Globe? 
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Giants jokes, Manziel jokes, Masters jokes, spieth jokes
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February 4, 2016
Archie Manning says he has talked to Peyton and he is not sure if his son will retire or not after the Super Bowl. “The first time is the hardest,” responded Brett Favre.
Reports are now that Johnny Manziel struck his ex-girlfriend “several times” at a Dallas hotel last weekend. So Manziel clearly still has dreams of being signed by the Cowboys?
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The Raiders are apparently going to play an NFL game in Mexico in 2016. At the thought of the “Black Hole” coming to watch, Mexico immediately began taking bids on wall construction.
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Martin Shkreli apparently decided to stop answering questions and just smile and smirk today as he testified in front of a Congressional committee about price gouging with a life-saving drug. Got to figure members of Congress actually enjoyed having him there – Shikreli is one of the few people who make them look good by comparison.
McDonald’s is now giving away books in their Happy Meals. And millions of American children looked up from their phones and said “What are books?”
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Whatever happens in the 2016 election today’s Warriors’ White House visit marks the end of an era – a President who actually knows what he’s talking about with basketball.
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Maurice White, founder of Earth, Wind and Fire, has died at the age of 74. Maybe April is the cruelest month, but January and February 2016 have not been kind to aging rockers.
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The Des Moines Register is calling for a complete audit of the Iowa Democratic Caucuses as Hillary’s win was so close. Forget those coin tosses, the Clinton campaign clearly should have spread the rumor Sanders was going home.
Megyn Kelly will be anchoring the next Fox News GOP debate on March 3. You know it’s a strange election season when Fox has the high road.
Despite several GOP requests to include her, Carly Fiorina will be left out of the next debate. I can understand why the other candidates might want her on stage – Carly makes the rest of them seem nicer by compariso
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Now a desperate Jeb Bush is pulling out all the stops, with a campaign ad featuring…. his brother George W? Proving once again that Jeb has no business running for President.
#DemDebate Hillary Clinton wants to streamline programs that are “duplicative and redundant.” Well, of course she does does.
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Meanwhile, Jimmy Carter, at 91, our best and perhaps still sharpest ex-President. When asked in England if he had to pick”Trump or Cruz. – “I think I would choose Trump, which may surprise some of you,The reason is, Trump has proven already he’s completely malleable.I don’t think he has any fixed (positions) he’d go the White House and fight for. On the other hand, Ted Cruz is not malleable. He has far right-wing policies he’d pursue if he became president.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Fiorina jokes, Janice Hough, Manning jokes, Manziel jokes, martin shkreli jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
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February 2, 2016
Can’t wait for the Steve Harvey interview with Donald Trump on his Iowa Caucus win last night.
The House today failed to override President Obama’s veto of a bill to repeal Obamacare. So maybe Paul Ryan actually has a sense of humor in scheduling the vote on Groundhog Day?
Almost all signs of the SF 49ers have been removed from Levi’s Stadium for Super Bowl weekend. Except for the red seats. But that won’t be a problem. Unlike for most of the late season 49ers games, on Sunday those seats will actually have fans sitting in them.
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Colin Kaepernick apparently wants out with the SF 49ers to play for the Jets. This is like an elephant trying to abandon Barnum & Bailey’s for Ringling Brothers
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The Broncos have sent rookie safety Ryan Murphy home after he was detained and questioned as part of a prostitution sting today. Really? You’re part of a a Super Bowl team and you can’t even find sex for free? #cantfixstupid #rookiemistake
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The Cleveland Browns will apparently release Johnny Manziel in March. So much for his prediction of “wrecking this league.” Looks like what Manziel was really good at was wrecking his career.
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The CDC now says that any woman of childbearing age not using birth control should abstain from alcohol. Uh, isn’t drinking how many babies get conceived in the first place?
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Hillary Clinton apparently won six Iowa precincts by coin toss. So maybe that answers one question “Whatever happened to those Patriots ballboys?”
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Groundhog Day happening at about the same time as the Iowa caucuses is very confusing. So did that furry thing that lives on Trump’s head see his shadow or not?
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Just when we were about to utter the magic words “Who cares any more about Iowa?” comes the news that Bernie Sanders is not ready to concede. So maybe all those reporters better not check out of their rooms yet.
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Marissa Mayer says Yahoo will lay off 15% of its global workforce and close five offices. And this plan “will enable us to accelerate Yahoo’s transformation.” So sounds like Ms. Mayer is well on her way to following Carly Fiorina into politics.
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So the Sacramento Kings nixed a Chinese New Year t-shirt giveaway because it referenced “Year of the Monkey” and had a purple money on it. DeMarcus Cousins and others apparently thought it was “racially insensitive” on the first day of Black History Month.
Now, I’m generally liberal and proud of it but where does this stop? Cops vetoing “Year of the Pig? Lawyers vetoing “Year of the Snake?” Or some white voters complaining about “Year of the Sheep?
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Last night CNN covered Cruz, Trump, Rubio, Clinton and Sanders speeches. Fox News only covered the GOP candidates. So fair and balanced only means between “right” and “far right?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Broncos jokes, Groundhog Day jokes, Iowa jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
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January 26, 2016
Against Golden State tonight, San Antonio turned the ball over so often you have to wonder if Carlson Palmer was involved.
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Apparently Johnny Manziel spent Sunday afternoon watching the Patriots and Broncos while drinking and partying at a Dallas bar. Well, makes sense. Guessing this will be one more in a long line of NFL playoff games that Manziel will be watching at a bar.
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Lebron James, talking about Tyronn Lue’s “vision” of implementing an up-coming offense. “I don’t know. We don’t know. This is what Coach wants to do… this isn’t a LeBron thing.” Translation, if it doesn’t work, Lue’s tenure could be nasty, brutal and short.
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Tom Brady, after yesterday’s loss, says he has “no excuses.” No worries, no doubt Giselle has plenty of them.
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Khloe Kardashian said of Lamar Odom that, “he’s doing great, but his memory’s not so good.” Maybe he’s doing great because he forgot he was married to a Kardashian?
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Donald Rumsfeld said that George H.W. Bush’s criticisms of him are not “very helpful” to Jeb’s run for the presidency. With all due respect, the person who is the least helpful to Jeb’s run for the presidency is Jeb.
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In Orlando, two former tech employees have filed a lawsuit, claiming Disney colluded with consulting companies in using H-1B visas to hire people from India to replace them. Not sure what will happen, but between legal fees and a possible settlement, sounds like ticket prices are going up.
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#RickPerry has endorsed #TedCruz. Wonder how many reasons the Texas Governor gave for the endorsement?
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Glenn Beck today called Donald Trump a “very dangerous man” after Trump’s remarks about shooting someone last week. Just how insane do you have to be for Beck to call you dangerous? #guessweknowtheanswertothatquestion
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A Texas grand jury looking into allegations against Planned Parenthood has issued indictments – against the anti-abortion activists who made the videos. Waiting for some GOP candidate to say, “Well, of course that’s what happens in a commie-pinko blue state…. Oops, never mind.
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So now that the Texas grand jury has cleared Planned Parenthood but indicted the people who made those misleading videos can we name Carly Fiorina as an unindicted co-conspirator?
Donald Trump says he could shoot someone dead on Fifth Avenue and not lose any votes. And somewhere Charlie Crist is thinking “But just try putting your arm around President Obama.”
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Chris Christie, in response to a questioner who asked him why he was in New Hampshire campaigning instead of back in New Jersey dealing with storm damage and flooding “What do you want me to do, bring a mop?”
If he does get the nomination, Christie could do the near impossible – make Hillary Clinton look warm and fuzzy.
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This bus-to-hell moment brought to you by Alex Kaseberg “Alaska was hit with a 7.2 earthquake. It was so bad it knocked Bristol Palin off the dude she just met.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, Bush jokes, Fiorina jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Manziel jokes, planned parenthood jokesMesMemessing with e, snow jokes, Trump jokes
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January 7, 2016
The Minnesota Vikings are warning their fans that temperatures are expected to hit a high of 1 degree on Sunday. And Green Bay fans are thinking “1 degree? We could wear shorts.”
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Lots of expert predictions on this weekend’s NFL playoff games. And we should listen to all those experts because they all predicted the hosts for these games would be Houston, Cincinnati, Minnesota and Washington?!
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So now Johnny Manziel has been cited for driving with expired license plates. Even JaMarcus Russelll is saying “Dude, get it together.”.
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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers fired Lovie Smith, who was their third coach in five years. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking, “Jeez, show a little patience.”
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Missed the #Powerball numbers last night by six. And I didn’t even play.
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The next Powerball lottery jackpot will approach $700 million, resulting in turn millions of new players. Because $400 million just doesn’t buy what it used to?
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House Speaker Paul Ryan on what the GOP needs to do to win: “We have to show people what our principles are and how we apply those principles to the problems of the day to offer people real solutions”
And most of the Presidential candidates are going “Principles?”
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One big problem faced by the the #SF49ers in their coaching search – any coach who is smart enough for the job, is probably also smart enough not to take it. #trainwreck
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Since their spring semester has started, Clemson asked for and got an NCAA waiver from a rule today which prevents “in-session” schools from practicing or holding team meetings for more than four hours per day or 20 hours per week. The school said players will miss class “only with professor approval.” And of course if any professor denies approval it would only be a coincidence if that professor is denied tenure.
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A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. #andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting?
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A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. #andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting
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House Speaker Paul Ryan said that Obama’s executive actions on guns were “a distraction” and that the President should be focused on fighting terrorism. But hey now, that 62nd repeal attempt for Obamacare, THAT was important.
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Interesting that #JohnMcCain stated strongly that #BarackObama was an American but he’s not so sure about #TedCruz
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Hillary Clinton, asked this week about extra-terrestrials, said “I think we may have been visited already” by aliens. “We don’t know for sure.” Heck, for all we know, one or two of them may be running for President.
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From my funny friend Jerry Perisho “Ken Griffey, Jr. was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. On his way to the podium, he pulled a hamstring and was placed on the disabled list.”
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Minnesota jokes, NFL jokes, playoffs jokes, Powerball jokes, Trump jokes, Vikings jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 6, 2016
Many are condemning President Obama’s executive orders on guns , although they seem relatively mild. But let’s be real, if the car makers of America had as much political clout as the NRA, there would be an outcry if Obama made safety proposals about driver’s licenses.
Actually President Obama probably has it wrong; if he REALLY wanted to get serious gun control passed, he would quietly encourage the formation of American “Open Carry” Muslim groups.=
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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says the team is open to “some risks” in getting a new young backup QB. Let’s see, wonder how many seconds after that remark went online did Jones get a phone call from Cleveland?
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Just waiting for someone to ask those #OregonMilitia men who they are endorsing for President.
Eight Ohio State Buckeyes so far are foregoing eligibility to declare early for the NFL draft. Knowing Urban Meyer and his players, have to wonder how many of them might have worn out the patience of the Columbus police?
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The new “Bachelor” season has begun. Might not bode well for some of the presidential candidates – Americans now have another way to get their regular dose of “crazy.
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A six-year-old Canadian boy, Syed Adam Ahmed, has apparently been on Canada’s no-fly list since he was a toddler because of his name. Waiting for Donald Trump to weigh in and say “You can’t be too careful.”
Tonya Couch, the mom of “affluenza” teen Ethan, waived an extradition fight and will be returned to Texas. Her lawyers issued a statement While the public may not like what she did, may not agree with what she did, or may have strong feelings against what she did, make no mistake — Tonya did not violate any law of the State of Texas and she is eager to have her day in court.”
Just guessing this might be one of the few times a bipartisan jury might agree otherwise.
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SF 49ers reportedly talking to Mike Shanahan about coaching vacancy. Makes sense, after Dan Snyder in Washington, 49ers owner Jed York might seem almost normal
In Texas, a 20-year-old young woman who was acting as a designated driver New Year’s Eve for her sorority sisters was shot dead in an apparent road rage incident. Now a suspect has been arrested, and he is an active Marine. So how do you stop a “good guy” with a gun? #ifonlythesisterswerearmed
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Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, a Republican, endorsed Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Primary. Wonder which Democrat in Congress might respond by endorsing Rand Paul?
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A California Sheriff’s Deputy, Mark Heath, who drove cross country on vacation this December was arrested along with two friends, allegedly with 250 lbs of marijuana and $11,000 cash that they planned to deliver in Pennsylvania. In Yuba County, Heath was part of a drug and gang task force. He has now been placed on leave. (And he couldn’t have driven the pot to Oregon?) #cantfixstupid
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Florida Atlantic University has officially fired James Tracy, a tenured professor who has publicly claimed the Sandy Hook killings were a hoax, and then feuded with parents of the victims. Good for them. But why do I think that there will no doubt be some who will be lining up to hire him?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelor jokes, Cowboys jokes, gun control jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 5, 2016
SF 49ers owner Jed York today in his press conference announcing the firing of Jim Tomsula: “I’m not a football expert.” Right, so after 2014 season you fired the coach that actually WAS. #Harbaugh #cantfixstupid
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Let’s see, Jim Harbaugh was fired from SF basically because of his ego and abrasive personality. Now Chip Kelly has let it be known he is interested in the 49ers job. Get some popcorn folks, we could end up with the first football management team with thermo-nuclear capability.
#JedYork says he will sell the #SF49ers “over his dead body.” Guess Jed feels brave enough to say that due to California’s strict gun laws.
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SF 49ers GM Trent Baalke indicated today in a later press conference he didn’t know the length of his own contract (he signed an extension last year through 2018). Now, local media are making fun of the lie, but who knows, maybe it could be true. Would explain a lot about SF’s horrendous drafts lately.
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The #Raiders, #Chargers & #Rams all requested permission today to move to the Los Angeles area. A few more press conferences like today’s from Jed York and #49ers fans may be saying “uh, can we volunteer our team too?”
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Johnny Manziel was apparently seen partying in Las Vegas last Saturday night. Maybe it’s time to change his trademark name from “Johnny Football” to “Johnny F*ckup.”
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Tom Coughlin has resigned as coach of the NY Giants. So guess after 12 years he’s looking to be ringmaster of a different circus?
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Hunter Pence just bought a 2 bedroom luxury condo in San Francisco. At his $18.5 million a year #SFGiants salary he can probably just stretch to cover the payments.
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The Stanford women’s basketball team scored only 31 points Monday night.. Are they trying to be named honorary 76ers?
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Donald Trump’s latest fear-mongering was a warning today that President Obama’s planned executive actions mean “Pretty soon you won’t be able to get guns.”
To be fair, if we had serious mental health restrictions on purchasing firearms, based on many of his statements Trump himself probably couldn’t pass a background check.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, Jed york jokes, Manziel jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
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December 29, 2015
Apparently ANOTHER video of Johnny Manzel drinking and partying has surfaced, this time from Christmas Eve in someone’s home. These regular pools are getting too easy – congrats to anyone who has the November 21-December 24 exacta.
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Maybe not a moment of silence for the great Harlem Globetrotters’ Meadowlark Lemon – wouldn’t it be more appropriate if we all hummed a few bars of “Sweet Georgia Brown?”
Hope watching the Philadelphia 76ers this year gave #MeadowlarkLemon some last warm memories of the Washington Generals.
Ohio State star RB Ezekiel Elliott, the team’s leading rusher, was cited after a “minor car crash” yesterday in Columbus in which one passenger sustained minor injuries. The citations were for “driving under suspension, driving without a license and failure to control his car.” An OSU spokesman said the incident will not affect Elliott’s status for the Fiesta Bowl Friday. “I am shocked” said nobody who knows Urban Meyer.
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A former N.J. police officer who admitted to having sex with multiple women on duty, including inside his car, now is contending that he shouldn’t have been fired over the trysts. And so will he also demand a retro-active bonus for multitasking?
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A 21 year-old Dartmouth College swimmer has died at a YMCA pool after trying to complete four laps underwater without surfacing to breathe. Awful for his family, but proof again that IQ points are no deterrent from a Darwin award.
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Aroldis Chapman, under investigation for a domestic violence incident where he admitted to firing a gun several times in his garage, has been traded to the Yankees. Well, that ought to make the Bronx Bombers even more popular outside New York.
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The four top seeds in the NFL playoffs may be the Patriots, Cardinals, Bengals and Panthers. Are we sure those last three aren’t a sign of the apocalypse?
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#NFL arrests are down this year. Still, always seems a bit odd to hear referee after the coin toss say “Good luck, gentlemen.” #Gentlemen?
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Former Louisiana State Representative and KKK Leader David Duke says that while he likes Donald Trump, “I don’t agree with everything he says, he speaks a little more, actually he speaks a lot more radically than I talk.” #whythereisnosatire #nottheOnion.
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Holland America Line says that “Dancing with the Stars At Sea” is going away. This news no doubt disappoints tens of thousands of women and about two men.
#AshleyMadison says they have added 4 million new users since their July hack. Two words: death wish.
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David Spade, one of that rare breed of Hollywood Republicans, is criticizing Barack and Michelle Obama for their appearances on reality TV, saying the President is “thirsty,” and “should have a little more dignity.”
So what’s next, Spade’s endorsement of Donald Trump?
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In Toronto, police are looking for the driver of a Lamborghini who crashed into another car this morning, then was picked up by BMW and fled the scene. Hmm…..any chance that affluenza kid and his mom from Texas headed north?
(Breaking news just when i posted this, he may have been caught in Mexico.)
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From Marc Ragovin: “The NBA has suspended Memphis guard Matt Barnes two games for his role in a preseason fight with Knicks’ coach Derek Fisher. Asked if would appeal the penalty, the chastened Grizzlie said he would “just grin and bear it.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Darwin Award jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, meadowlark lemon, Ohio State jokes, Urban Meyer jokes
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December 9, 2015
The Phillies have traded their closer, Ken Giles, to the Astros. Well, at least this means Giles might actually start having some games to close.
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Trump is now taking on President Obama’s comment about Muslims-Americans being “our friends and our neighbors, our coworkers, our sports heroes”.
The Donald tweeted “What sport is he talking about, and who?” Well, leaving aside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, for starters, Trump may also be proving that it’s not just boxers who behave as if they’ve been hit in the head one too many times. #notthegreatest
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Carmelo Anthony now says he’s frustrated by a lack of calls from referees this season. But really, don’t all sentences involving Melo say he is frustrated about SOMETHING?
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Browns coach Mike Pettine said that “I imagine repercussions would be harsh” if QB Johnny Manziel has another off-field transgression.
It’s all part of the NFL and Cleveland’s “12 strikes and you’re out policy.”
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United Airlines says that in Feb. 2016, they will bringing back free snacks for economy passengers. And in Jan. 2016 presumably they will raise all fares $10-20?
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Angela Merkel has been named Time’s “Person of the Year.” Waiting for Donald Trump to complain about yet another American job going to a foreigner.
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Samsung apparently wants to get into the self-driving car business. Okay, some statements don’t even need an (un-PC) punchline.
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The latest report is that a man named Enrique Marquez, who was the one who purchased the assault rifles for the San Bernandino shooter “so his name wouldn’t be on file,” told friends at a party that “There’s a lot of Muslims in our own backyard, just ready to go haywire and attack.”
If true, this proves once again that while we may fear terrorism, we have as much to fear from #cantfixstupid
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Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia suggested that affirmation action means that African-American students are”being pushed into schools that are too advanced for them” and that “most of the black scientists in this country do not come from the most advanced schools.”
Wonder if Scalia’s views were shaped by the fact that fellow justice Clarence Thomas went to Yale.
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The accused Planned Parenthood shooter today in court shouted that he was a “warrior for the babies.” So since all the GOP candidates support police, who will be the first to declare a moratorium on pro-lifers entering the U.S.?
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In Austin, the University of Texas has told “Come and Take It Texas,” and “DontComply.com”, two gun-rights groups that they will not be allowed to go ahead with their plan for a mock mass murder, featuring fake guns and blood, on campus this weekend. The groups planned to use the event to demonstrate how much safer students would be with guns..
Right, because nothing says safety like a bunch of armed people who are stupid enough to think this was a good idea.
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But finally a serious question, can we get bipartisan agreement from my pro and anti-gun friends on this proposal? If you buy a gun for someone who would have issues getting it on their own, or if you give someone like that a gun, or if you are careless with your gun and someone uses it, accidentally or on purpose, to injure someone else, you are criminally liable as at least as an accessory.
Categories: political jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Merkel jokes, Trump jokes
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May 31, 2015
When I asked for a Coke Zero on a plane today, a United flight attendant gave me the entire can, unopened. So are soda cans off the weapons list?
Or is Coke Zero safer than Diet Coke?
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In Takhatpur, India, villagers had a wedding ceremony between two frogs. They are in the midst of a drought and frog marriages are supposed to invoke the rain gods. Could be very disappointing for one frog if a kiss turns one of them into a prince or princess.
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Now, if this frog marriage stuff works it opens up all kinds of possibilities for California. But can we have same-sex frog marriages?
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A recycling center in California is looking for a woman who dropped off a vintage Apple Computer. They sold it for $200,000 and want to give her half. Hmm, wonder what I could get for my Blackberry.
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At a Four Seasons in Texas, Johnny Manziel got frustrated with a fan and threw a water bottle at him. Fortunately the situation didn’t escalate any further, as no doubt Manziel’s throw missed the guy by a foot.
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John Kerry, 71, broke his leg in a bike accident in the French Alps. Not sure if the Secretary of State still thinks he’s young enough to be President, but he clearly thinks he’s still young enough to be riding a fancy racing bike..
Apparently Kim Kardashian is pregnant again. And she’s said “It is an adjustment trying to balance a career and motherhood for sure, but the key is to prioritize.” Kim Kardashian has a career?
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Darwin nominee for the week. In Maryland, a man was fatally burned after he lit a cigarette while trying to pump his own gas at a service station. So is this a potential new marketing strategy for electric cars? “We don’t just save the environment.” #cantfixstupid
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The Washington Nationals put Stephen Strasburg on the DL with neck stiffness. Wonder if Strasburg, who had an 2015 ERA of 6.55, strained it by all that turning around to see balls hit off him this season.
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Guess war doesn’t count? Jeb Bush today suggested the budget deficit during his brother’s administration was because W. “let the Republican Congress get a little out of control, in terms of the spending.” But hey, okay, is Jeb suggesting we elect him along with a Democratic House and Senate?
From T.C. Country star Garth Brooks had to cancel his three shows in Tampa in order to accomodate the NHL Lightning’s Stanley Cup home games. See, this is what happens when you only have friends in low places.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, Darwin jokes, drought jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, Manziel jokes, United jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 18, 2015
GM Trent Baalke on Jim Harbaugh: “We’ve moved on…. I feel very good about the direction we’re headed and I’m sure he does as well.” Yeah, actually it wouldn’t surprise me if Harbaugh feels VERY good about the direction in which the 49ers are headed…..
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So in Boston, they are offering free Red Sox tickets to residents who help shovel show away from fire hydrants. If New York gets another storm they are thinking of a different strategy, anyone who doesn’t help with the snow will get free Knicks tickets.
The beagle that won “Best in Show” at the Westminster Dog Show, and thus became “America’s Dog”, is actually Canadian. Another immigrant taking something away from Americans. I blame Obama.
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A New Jersey high school teacher has been indicted by a grand jury for allegedly having for sex with 6 different students. 6 students?! So clearly we do have a serious problem in our schools with overcrowding.
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Browns coach Mike Pettine just said of Johnny Manziel’s issues, that “we had the same information everyone else in the league had. It turns out to be a deeper-rooted thing than we thought.” Is Cleveland planning on changing their mascot to an ostrich?
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Mississippi just passed the “Jesus Take the Wheel” act, which would exempt drivers of mid-sized church buses (up to 30 passengers) from having a commercial driver’s license. Well, this is one way to get more people praying on the road.
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Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Rick Salomon for the THIRD time. And this is the type of marriage some conservatives are working so hard to defend?
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United Airlines plans to slightly increase capacity this year. And apparently 50% of the growth will come from the installation of “slim line” seats on 450 planes. Will United be installing these additional seats on their aircraft with a shoehorn?
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Some are criticizing Joe Biden for putting his hands on Ash Carter’s wife’s shoulders. And really, it wasn’t very Presidential of him. Clearly Joe should have also given her a neck massage.
In Orlando, a woman was arrested when she walked naked down a residential street and stopped traffic by masturbating in public. Some Americans responded to this story with shock, others with “that’s Florida,” and Bostonians with “You can walk outside without a coat on?”
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Scott Walker says that criticizing him for dropping out of college during his senior year is “elitist.” I think I like Sarah Palin’s “higher calling” better.
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Little Caesar’s is offering a new deep dish pizza which is not just topped with pepperoni and back, its crust is wrapped in bacon. Does it come with free sides of statins and beta-blockers?
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From Marc Ragovin. “I would put more stock in A-Rod’s letter of apology to Yankees fans if he hadn’t written it in disappearing ink.
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From T.C. Handwriting experts have analyed A-Rod’s written apology and concluded that he writes like a girl and has a massive ego. So does this mean he had his ex-squeeze Madonna pen his apology for him?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, Florida jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Mississippi jokes, New Jersey jokes, snow jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 3, 2015
Class, nothing but class. Police in Aspen cited Lance Armstrong for failing to report an accident and speeding last month, after he allegedly hit two parked cars after a party, and got his girlfriend to say she was driving to avoid “a national story.” #Liestrong
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You have to wonder how Armstrong thought he would get away with it. Although if this story really starts going viral, Lance may start getting bouquets, from Pete Carroll and the Seahawks.
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Hear that Pete Carroll was supposed to throw out the first pitch at a Mariners game. But fans are asking Seattle management if Marshawn Lynch can just run the ball in instead.
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Tom Brady says he plans to give the Chevy Colorado he won as Super Bowl MVP to Malcolm Butler. A nice gesture. Though before Butler drives the truck he might want to check the pressure in the tires.
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From Marc Ragovin. Who hears Pete Carroll will be starring in a new movie – “The Wrongest Yard.”
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A truck carrying frozen chicken collided with a truck carrying bees near Palm Springs Tuesday and both vehicles caught fire. Both drivers escaped, but beware of imminent sales featuring heavily discounted honey barbequed chicken.
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Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC), arguing against “regulatory burdens,” this week said that restaurants should be able to “opt out” of health department regulations that require employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom. Well, so much for dinner parties at HIS house
To be fair, the Senator did say they should then post a sign saying they didn’t have the rule and then the marketplace would take care of it. Okay, then, do we need a government regulation to REQUIRE such restaurants to put up a sign?
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Rep. John Boehner: “I do believe all children ought to be vaccinated.” Some in the GOP are worried. Next thing the Speaker of the House will do is make some heretical statement about believing in science.
Some blame the measles outbreak on undocumented immigrants. Considering that this all started from Disneyland, and a single day at the park is $400 for a family of four before parking and food (closer to $600 if you also visit California Adventure), I’m thinking the odds of the child in question being from a wealthy anti-vaccine family are more than slightly higher.
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Rand Paul, “I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines.” Does this explain some of his colleagues?
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Charlie Manson’s marriage license with his 26 year old girlfriend has apparently expired. So guess what. psycho ladies? He’s available.
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Browns WR Josh Gordon, who allegedly tested positive for alcohol while on probation, has been suspended for a year by the NFL. Rumor has it he was partying with Manziel. This presumably is not what Cleveland had in mind when Johnny Football said he would “wreck this league.:
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From Bill Littlejohn: “Johnny Manziel has checked into rehab—this just in:three local Las Vegas casino workers unions have filed for bankruptcy.”
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Timing is everything…. A Royal Caribbean ship made headlines today for cutting a cruise short because over 200 people became sick with norovirus, which causes nausea and diarrhea. And just got this in my email from the cruise line “Last minute deals, going, going, gone…”
Yes, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” But I don’t have a problem with Jordan’s revenge today. They were far more merciful than ISIS.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #liestrong, Brady jokes, Butler jokes, Janice Hough, Lance Armstrong jokes, Manziel jokes, measles jokes, Pete Carroll, vaccine jokes
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January 6, 2015
TMZ reports that Johnny Manziel flipped off hecklers at a Houston club this weekend, and they responded by throwing drinks at him. Then the Cleveland rookie QB presumably tried to throw a drink back… but it was intercepted.
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Both the Buckeyes and Ducks are wearing new uniforms for the Championship game next Monday, thanks to Nike. The company is paying Oregon $600,000 in cash and $2.2 million equipment allowance this year. And they are giving Ohio State $1.5 million in cash and $2.5 million in equipment. But heaven forbid a booster buy one of the players dinner.
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New Orleans LB linebacker Junior Galette has been arrested on a domestic violence charge. Few details yet, but expect Galette will plead not guilty. After all he’s a Saints defender, they don’t hit anybody.
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A unnamed member of the Ferguson grand jury that didn’t indict police officer Darrell Wilson for shooting Michael Brown has filed a lawsuit to remove a lifetime gag order about the case. Translation, someone wants a book deal.
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Olivia Newton-John and Grease co-star Didi Conn (Frenchie) reunited for a performance in Las Vegas this week. Only now they were both singing “You might be the One That I Want, if I could remember.”
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Apparently after Kanye West and Paul McCartney collaborated on a single, some of West’s fans tweeted “Who is Paul McCartney?” Won’t be too many years before music fans will ask “Who is Kanye West?”
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Former Giants’ pitcher Stu Miller has died at the age of 87. There will be no pallbearers at his funeral, instead, his casket will just be placed on a mound and blown into the grave.
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People will be talking about that pass interference reversal for decades, especially if the Cowboys go further in the playoffs. But whether it was the right call or not, does anyone think there was a snowball’s chance in hell a flag would have been picked up if it were on a Lions defender during Dallas’s last drive?
My friend Trevor commented, “Odd, Lions usually have no problem with the Zebras…”
Detroit Lions coach Jim Caldwell said the pass interference penalty that was taken away was “hard to swallow.” Agree with him, but also hard to swallow when you choke with a 4th and 1 AND a 10 yard punt.
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Chris Christie was shown celebrating yesterday in Jerry Jones’ box. But he missed on a high five with Jones. Either that or the Dallas Cowboys’ owner was just trying to stay out of the way of a offensive lineman sized hit.
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Oil has fallen below $50 a barrel. So no doubt the airlines will be lowering fuel surcharges that in some cases are more than the cost of the fare itself. At the same time they start putting pigs on board every flight.
Got to give #TheBachelor credit. One episode is enough to make many people question why they ever wanted to defend heterosexual marriage.
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Jeb Bush said yesterday that gay marriage should be “a state decision.” Right, like driver’s licenses for illegal immigrants, abortion and legalized marijuana
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Two police officers were shot tonight in the Bronx. But fortunately reports are neither sustained life-threatening injuries. Also fortunately, reports are neither of the suspects is black.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, college playoff jokes, Dallas Cowboys jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, pass interference jokes, referee jokes, The Bachelor jokes
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December 29, 2014
Many SF 49ers fans were disappointed with this season, and now they won’t have Jim Harbaugh to kick around anymore. So soon the team can go back to the halcyon days of Mike Singletary and Mike Nolan.
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Statement from the SF 49ers: “Jim and I have come to the conclusion that it is in our mutual best interest to move in different directions.” Well, it sounds better than “conscious uncoupling.”
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There will be a lot of changes for Jim Harbaugh as he returns to the coaching ranks. For starters, at Michigan he’s going to have to figure out something warmer (and blue-er) than his regular long-sleeved black shirt.
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More than 100 people gathered in Times Square today for the eighth annual Good Riddance Day. Where attendees used a shredder and mallet to get rid of bad memories. Wonder how many showed up with NY Giants and Jets stuff?
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Apparently a contributing factor, if not the reason, for Josh Gordon’s suspension, was a party Johnny Manziel threw Friday night. (Gordon was then AWOL for the team’s Saturday walk-through.) Who says Johnny Football isn’t a leader already?
Cleveland owner Jimmy Haslam said some of the Browns’ young players have “disrespected” the team. “We’re going to work with them — hopefully they grow up. But if they can’t grow up and they can’t be responsible to the their teammates and the coaches and our great fans, then they won’t be with the Cleveland Browns.” So anyone want to take the first guess in the “Johnny Manziel trade date” pool?
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This weekend police were called and arrests were made over fights in food courts at three separate malls, Arden Fair in Sacramento, Chicago Ridge Mall in Illinois and Opry Mills in Nashville. So what the heck are those food courts serving?
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How up-to-date is Al-Qaeda? Their most recent magazine, released last week, called for individual jihadists to bomb Western carriers. Including United Airlines, American, Delta, and Continental.
Headline on Foxnews.com “Attention: Dish has blocked Fox News. Switch TV providers now. ” Hmm…. So how long until Dish starts using that headline as an ad on Msnbc.com and Huffington Post etc?
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No real surprise at this point, Jeb Bush leads a new GOP presidential poll with 23%. Christie is second at 13% and Ben Carson has 7%. I think I speak for many Americans when I say about Carson – “Who?”
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So the NFL is running their ad “Domestic violence and sexual assault are tough for everyone to talk about” in game with Ben Rothlisberger leading Steelers into playoffs #irony
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From T.C. “I just hacked into Sony Pictures computers and found a movie to be released on Monday. It’s about NFL coaching brothers Rex and Rob called “Saving Ryan’s Privates”.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Browns jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, Manziel jokes, Michigan joke, NFL jokes
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December 15, 2014
Former VP Dick Cheney said of what he considers “enhanced interrogation” that “I would do it again in a minute.” Sometimes you get the sense the man is still alive because neither God nor the Devil want him.
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The Sacramento Kings have fired coach Mike Malone after an 11-13 start. And the NY Knicks are wondering if they fired him for overachieving.
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Is it too late for all those who voted against #AndrewLuck twice for the #Heisman to change their votes?
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Compared to other #Heisman winners RG3 and now #Manziel, #Tebow looked pretty good in #NFL
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All these pictures and videos of Johnny Manziel’s horrible starting debut for the Browns. Picture I really wanted to see was of Brian Hoyer on the sideline trying oh so hard not to smile.
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Meanwhile in the Washington-NY Giants matchup, the Redskins’ Santana Moss lost his temper with the refs, and was ejected during the first half. Making him luckier than his teammates, who had to stay for the entire game.
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ESPN’s Jim Bowden gives the Chicago Cubs an A+ for their offseason moves. So they can add another offseason trophy to their collection at Wrigley Field.
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Lots of sniping about Ted Cruz’s threatened govt shutdown, like this “You should have an end goal in sight if you’re going to do these types of things and I don’t see an end goal other than irritating a lot of people,” And that was from Orrin Hatch. #thiscouldbefun
Seriously, the Australia hostage situation just sucks. But a chocolate store? What kind of monster does something evil in a nice chocolate store? Clearly not a woman.
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The now 3-11 NY Jets beat the now 2-12 Tennessee Titans in a battle and get a worse draft pick out of it. And if you really cared about the game and aren’t from New York or Nashville you are probably in need of a life.
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Who figured this a month ago? Stanford has a postseason game and the SF 49ers don’t.
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#Stayclassy. Uber is now in Australia, and they responded to the hostage crisis – with surge pricing in the area of AUS $100 minimum (US$82), quadruple the normal rate.
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Update, an hour after original post: So now apparently Uber has decided there IS such a thing as bad publicity, and is offering people stuck in the area free rides out….. #Oops
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Uber jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 24, 2014
Did Shakespeare envision NFL preseason football when he wrote “sound and fury, signifying nothing?”
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A chef in China decapitated a rare Indochinese spitting cobra to make a snake soup, and the severed head bit him with a fatal dose of venom. Now that’s “Die Hard, with a Vengeance.”
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Why there is no satire? A young woman who won the title of Miss Antioquia was stripped of her crown and kicked out of the Miss Colombia pageant after online pictures showed her in an overly skimpy bikini. As opposed to the skimpy bikini which she was supposed to wear in the pageant?
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Bud Selig when asked about what he will do about Pete Rose “I’m going to do what I think is right.” What, no blue ribbon committee?
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Congratulations to the Chicago Little League team for getting to the LLWS finals. Who knows if they can beat South Korea tomorrow. But Vegas already has them favored in a hypothetical matchup with the Cubs.
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Minnesota scored 32 against Detroit in two games. Time for the Tigers to fire their defensive coordinator?
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The Oakland Athletics are checking out the possibility of building a new stadium on their Coliseum site. Sounds good, but as far as where they play while they’re building, has anyone thought about holding off on pushing that plunger at Candlestick.
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Bud Selig, dodging a question about Pete Rose. “You are always concerned about integrity. A sport without integrity is not a sport.” And over at the BCS they’re just giggling.
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From my funny friend Jim Barach – “A new app tells the user how much time they are spending on their smartphone. Which is probably too much if you need an app to tell you how much time you are spending on your smartphone.”
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The Pentagon is complaining that in 2014 there have been at least 4 times that a Chinese warplane has buzzed U.S. military aircraft. The Chinese Defense Ministry said the criticism is “totally groundless.” Would they have preferred the US made Asian driver jokes?
Michael Sam sacked Johnny Manziel tonight. In what must have been a very tough moment for anyone who was both tired of Johnny Football’s act and a homophobe.
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But was the sack enough to keep Michael on the team? So that we can all write the headline “Sam I Ram.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, LLWS jokes, Manziel jokes, Michael Sam jokes, NFL jokes, NFL preseason jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 