Posted tagged ‘Ohio State jokes’

Copy not right?

September 11, 2019

LeBron James has been denied in his attempt to trademark the term “Taco Tuesday.” Gosh, I hope he’ll still be able to feed his family.

Ohio State’s application to trademark “The” has been denied. Well, even Notre Dame thought “The” idea was ridiculously egocentric.

ESPN reports ex-Arizona assistant men’s basketball coach “Book” Richardson told undercover FBI agents that he paid $40,000 to a high school coach to make sure Rawle Alkins was academically eligible.
Can’t wait to see how hard NCAA slaps the Wildcats on the wrist for this one.

So Bob Baffert apparently got caught using a PED with #Justify and officials covered up the failed drug test. The real question, how many more times did he not get caught?

 

Regulators say they decided to drop inquiry on Justify after the Triple Crown with the reasoning that the colt’s positive PED could have come from eating contaminated food. A whole lot of ballplayers are going “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Guessing more Americans might be upset that Team USA lost in FIBA basketball tournament if most Americans cared about any international tournament except the Olympics.

(and under “most Americans” – include all the NBA players who bailed.)

 

Fox News is all over one set of  parents of one 9-11 victim criticizing Rep. Omar for using the words “some people did something.” But I must have missed their even more scathing reaction to the idea of inviting the Taliban to Camp David the week of 9-11.

Trump said today that US Food and Drug Administration would be putting out “some very strong recommendations” regarding the use of flavored e-cigarettes in “a couple of weeks.
Possible translation, he’s going to wait for Mitch McConnell to tell him how to exempt Kentucky companies?

Trump talking about Melania wanting a flavored-tobacco vaping ban “That’s how the First Lady involved. She’s got a son — together — that’s a beautiful young man, & she feels very very strongly about it.” So is Barron the new Tiffany?

 

Don’t get me wrong, good to see John Bolton gone. But T.S. Eliot was right “The last temptation is the greatest treason. To do the right thing, for the wrong reason.”

Leaving the lights on.

November 28, 2016

So this year it’s the “Motel 6 Cactus Bowl,” on Dec. 27 in Phoenix. Do the winners all get a free night at a Motel 6, and the losers get two nights?

 

The Big Ten reprimanded Jim Harbaugh and fined Michigan $10,000 after Harbaugh complained bitterly about the officiating Saturday. A small excerpt “Two penalties called all day [on Ohio State “Multiple holding penalties let go, multiple false starts…”
So wonder if Wolverine backers already have a Gofundme account set up to pay the fines?

Ohio State could make the College Football Playoff without winning their own division.   Would that make them an honorary member of the SEC?

 

A United flight from San Francisco to Tokyo had to return to the airport today following an engine failure after takeoff. No word about potential compensation for passengers, or about a future “engine” fee.

Hoping the attacker ends up  the only fatality on OSU campus today. But my immediate bus-to-hell thought “Dudes, you won the game.”

That and “anyone seen Harbaugh this morning?.” #morebustohell

Trump supporter NY Rep. Chris Collins today “”What do I know about Mitt Romney? I know that he’s a self-serving egomaniac who puts himself first, who has a chip on his shoulder, and thinks that he should be president of the United States.”
Does this even need a punchline?

 

Trump is threatening to “terminate” deal that Obama made with Cuba. Does he realize even his supporters like cigars and rum?

Apparently Twitter users are going after Ivanka Trump after she posted a picture of her youngest child, with the caption “I cannot believe Theodore is 8 months old today. Happy Birthday Little Teddy Bear.”
But come on, we all know the Trumps are so special they get birthdays every month. #onlythelittlepeoplejustgetonebirthday

The NY Times reports that Steve Bannon talked to Julia Jones, a former partner on a Reagan film project, about “genetic superiority,” and “the desirability of limiting the vote to property owners.”
Ah yes, building that bridge to the 18th century

 

Trump is naming Georgia Rep. and Obamacare critic Tom Price as Secretary of Health and Human Services. Price tweeted “House Republicans’ #BetterWay plan will protect the principles of health care: Accessibility, Affordability, Quality, Innovation, & Choices.”.
Okay, fine, but how come all these GOP critics never thought health care needed reforming until Dems actually passed the ACA?

 

 

 

Got to love this one forwarded to me by Roberta.

In addition to winning the 1967 Stanley Cup, the Maple Leafs won all subsequent Cups if you deduct the dozens of teams who won illegally

Playoffs, eh?

May 14, 2016

So the Air Canada Centre in Toronto is hosting an NBA  playoff game 7 on Sunday. And  Maple Leafs fans are going “What’s a game 7?”

(one of myCanadian friends says they are asking “what’s a playoff?)

The losers of the Ohio State spring football game were penalized by having to shovel mulch.  Of course, if Urban Meyer really wants to motivate players, he could make the losers go to class.

Well, if you believe in redemption, here’s your potential made-for-TV sports movie story of the day. Matt Bush was the #1 MLB draft pick in 2004, and went off the rails big time. Drunken fights, accusations of assault, and finally 3 years in jail prison a DUI causing serious injury. He was released last December. And today the Texas Rangers have called him up to the big leagues. Who knows, maybe there’s hope for Johnny Manziel.

 

A New York celebrity vegan chef who ran a restaurant called Pure Food and Wine has been arrested in Tennessee after a months’ long chase after she allegedly didn’t pay wages, and cheated on taxes etc. The best part of this, she and her husband were caught after they ordered a Domino’s pizza.

SF Giants’ closer Santiago Casilla, upset when manager Bruce Bochy pulled him in the 9th with two outs, and a 4-2 lead, after he had loaded the bases, the last on a 4 pitch walk, and was facing a batter who hit a home run against him last time. “It’s my opportunity to find out who’s who…. You have to let me try to see if I can get him out.”
Uh, or maybe you have to let Bochy try to see if the Giants could win the game?

 

(although curiously enough three things happened Friday.  1. Casilla apologized.  2. Bochy gave him another chance. 3. He struck out both batters.)

 

If it’s all about keeping children safe from potential predators, waiting for someone to demand that priests be kept out of men’s rooms.

Donald Trump to a reporter who asked about his tax returns: “It’s none of your business, you’ll see it when I release.”
Ah yes, only the little people answer questions about their taxes.

Apparently a man offering “free hugs” in Times Square slugged a Canadian woman in the face after she refused to tip him. Well, or maybe that’s his idea of a New York hug.

 

Jose Reyes was suspended 51 days over his domestic violence arrest. Imagine if he had done something really serious, like buying an over-the-counter supplement in the Dominican Republic.

Deja vu all over again

December 29, 2015

 

Apparently ANOTHER video of Johnny Manzel drinking and partying has surfaced, this time from Christmas Eve in someone’s home. These regular pools are getting too easy – congrats to anyone who has the November 21-December 24 exacta.

Maybe not a moment of silence for the great  Harlem Globetrotters’ Meadowlark Lemon – wouldn’t it be more appropriate if we all hummed a few bars of “Sweet Georgia Brown?”

Hope watching the Philadelphia 76ers this year gave ‪#‎MeadowlarkLemon‬ some last warm memories of the Washington Generals.

 

Ohio State star RB Ezekiel Elliott, the team’s leading rusher, was cited after a “minor car crash” yesterday in Columbus in which one passenger sustained minor injuries. The citations were for “driving under suspension, driving without a license and failure to control his car.” An OSU spokesman said the incident will not affect Elliott’s status for the Fiesta Bowl Friday. “I am shocked” said nobody who knows Urban Meyer.

A former N.J. police officer who admitted to having sex with multiple women on duty, including inside his car, now is contending that he shouldn’t have been fired over the trysts. And so will he also demand a retro-active bonus for multitasking?

A 21 year-old Dartmouth College swimmer has died at a YMCA pool after trying to complete four laps underwater without surfacing to breathe. Awful for his family, but proof again that IQ points are no deterrent from a Darwin award.

Aroldis Chapman, under investigation for a domestic violence incident where he admitted to firing a gun several times in his garage, has been traded to the Yankees. Well, that ought to make the Bronx Bombers even more popular outside New York.

 

The four top seeds in the NFL playoffs may be the Patriots, Cardinals, Bengals and Panthers. Are we sure those last three aren’t a sign of the apocalypse?

#‎NFL‬ arrests are down this year. Still, always seems a bit odd to hear referee after the coin toss say “Good luck, gentlemen.” ‪#‎Gentlemen‬?

Former Louisiana State Representative and KKK Leader David Duke says that while he likes Donald Trump, “I don’t agree with everything he says, he speaks a little more, actually he speaks a lot more radically than I talk.” ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎nottheOnion‬.

Holland America Line says that “Dancing with the Stars At Sea” is going away. This news no doubt disappoints tens of thousands of women and about two men.

 

‪#‎AshleyMadison‬ says they have added 4 million new users since their July hack. Two words: death wish.

David Spade, one of that rare breed of Hollywood Republicans, is criticizing Barack and Michelle Obama for their appearances on reality TV, saying the President is “thirsty,” and “should have a little more dignity.”
So what’s next, Spade’s endorsement of Donald Trump?

In Toronto, police are looking for the driver of a Lamborghini who crashed into another car this morning, then was picked up by BMW and fled the scene. Hmm…..any chance that affluenza kid and his mom from Texas headed north?

(Breaking news just when i posted this, he may have been caught in Mexico.)

From Marc Ragovin:   “The NBA has suspended Memphis guard Matt Barnes two games for his role in a preseason fight with Knicks’ coach Derek Fisher. Asked if would appeal the penalty, the chastened Grizzlie said he would “just grin and bear it.”

Shaking and baking.

January 11, 2015

In 2011, stomping Seattle Seahawks’ fans caused vibrations that were picked up by an earthquake sensor. So this weekend, scientists placed monitors at Century Link Field to test new earthquake alert technology.. They would have done the same thing at Lambeau Field had they known Chris Christie would be in the owners box.

NY Jets RB Chris Johnson was arrested last night in Orlando and charged with open carry of a firearm. This may not be what the Jets had in mind for having higher caliber players in the offseason.

 

So George Zimmerman’s latest arrest was allegedly for throwing a wine bottle at his girlfriend. Shocking. With wine involved, I would have expected a box.

A new study indicates fish oil “really can help boost our memory.” Okay, so why do “catch and release” fishermen keep catching the same fish?

The NY Knicks have now lost 15 in a row. At this point the team would be underdogs against the Washington Generals.

 

Lebron James “helped facilitate” a gift of Beats by Dre headphones to all Ohio State players before Monday’s college football championship. But the school says the headphones were “donated” and not a violation of NCAA rules. And some former Buckeyes are thinking “he couldn’t have ‘helped facilitate” those tattoos?

Apparently Oregon’s Darren Carrington failed his drug test BEFORE the Rose Bowl, but the test results didn’t come back until this week. Gosh. If the lab had been quicker FSU might have only lost by 30.

Although, let’s see, marijuana…?  With the Ducks’ speed have to wonder if the Buckeyes have petitioned the NCAA to let the entire Oregon team have a medical marijuana exemption before the game.

 

One thing we learned during the Patriots-Ravens game  – so the refs CAN call a penalty for leaving the sideline to run onto the field. And that giant howl you may have heard came from all ‪#‎Lions‬ fans & ‪#‎Cowboys‬ haters. ‪#‎BALvsNE‬

 

Are you ready for some football? (And baseball.)

September 6, 2014

Oops. ESPN headline   “Runs could be scarce when David Price and the Tigers host Madison Bumgarner and the Giants this afternoon.”  (Not only did the Giants win 5-4, it was 4 to 2 after the first.)

 

 

Nice win for #SFGiants vs Detroit. But Miguel Cabrera against Romo? You could probably have gotten better odds that Miggy WOULDN’T have hit a home run. #sfgiants #hangingslider.

 

Beginning to think the 2014 SF Giants strategy is to save all their hits for the first and last two months of the season?

 

Too much bad stuff for one post after Stanford USC game today. But for starters. 6 Red Zone chances for the Cardinal, 10 points. And two PUNTS for Stanford from USC 32 and 29 year line. Closer than the Trojans were when they kicked their 53 yard game-winning FG. #choke

 

Well at least that #stanford fumble saved fans the agony of watching Williamson miss another field goal. #uscvsstan

Though to be honest, happiest people watching USC vs. Stanford game had to be #Oregon fans. Both teams looked bad.

And USC athletic director Pat Haden actually left his spot in the press box  and came down to the field to argue with referees during the Stanford game.  Wonder if Haden gets equally involved if some professor is about to flunk his players?

San Jose State made $1.5 million to travel to Auburn to play the Tigers, , where they were 31 point underdogs. So was one of the oddmakers in Vegas a Spartans alum?

 

Kei Nishikori upset Novak Djokovic. A match that fans of underdogs and Scrabble players must have loved. #usopen.

 

 

Karma’s a mean b*tch. Or maybe just likes blue. Before the Virginia Tech game,  Urban Meyer made ESPN announcers who visited the Buckeyes’ practice change their blue shirts to red and white OSU shirts. Since blue is Michigan’s color…..  (For non-college football fans, Virginia Tech upset Ohio State, in Columbus.)

In general, the Big Ten is looking like an oxymoron.

 

Scotland is set to vote September 18 on breaking away from the United Kingdom. And a new Sunday Times poll shows independence winning 51% to 49%.    If this secession happens can the US suggest it to Texas?

 

 

Watching #Oregon football highlights. Still can’t pick out where they keep the generator to plug in those uniforms.

What’s the word, or rather, the letter?

November 29, 2013

Ohio governor John Kasich has posted a resolution urging state residents to boycott using the letter “M” Saturday when Ohio State plays Michigan. One word. “Orons”

 

Two men were arrested after a fight in a Virginia Walmart over a parking place resulted in one of them being stabbed. If only the other shoppers had been armed.

Where’s the anti-spam device we really need right now? The one that zaps EVERY message with “Black Friday” in it in our in-boxes.

Thanksgiving fell on the first night of Hanukkah. Wonder how many Jewish Americans got a little tipsy and tried to light one leg of the turkey on fire?

Okay, now scientists say comet ISON may have survived its trip around the sun. Or part of it,, or maybe it did flame out. Where’s Monty Python when you need them? “Not dead, sleeping…”

Maybe we should rename the ISON comet for the city of Green Bay. Because this year it flamed out faster than the Packers.

 

Demi Moore, 51, and Ashton Kutcher, 35, have finalized their divorce. And Kutcher reportedly will marry Mila Kunis, 30. Well at least he’s not marrying one of Demi’s kids.

Apparently there’s a backlash on Twitter and other social media over Carrie Underwood’s starring in NBC’s live broadcast of “The Sound of Music.” Okay, two things. One, as much as I love the Julie Andrews version, the movie itself was a remake of a Broadway play with Mary Martin. And two, it’s NBC, so who’s going to watch anyway?

 

 

 

The NBA fined him $50,000. And Jason Kidd now says he was just “trying to win” but spilling a drink as a stall tactic was “something I probably shouldn’t have done.” Translation, it would have been much easier to have a player feign injury

Nets coach Jason Kidd has been fined 50,000 dollars for spilling a soda on the court to stop the game. And in Utah the Jazz coach has to be wondering what it would take to stop the whole season.

The Baltimore Ravens are angry about Steelers’ coach Mike Tomlin being on the field yesterday and keeping Jacoby Jones from scoring on a kickoff return. But rumor has it Tomlin has been offered a contract to join the Redskins’ defense.

The Washington Wizards have won three in a row and five of six. Can we blame Obama?

The bad news for Fresno State. They lost to San Jose State today 62-52. The good news for Fresno State. They didn’t lose 102-52 in a BCS bowl.

 

 

Fresno State’s loss to San Jose State means that Northern Illinois will probably get a chance to erase their fans’ memories of a blowout BCS bowl loss last year to Florida State. This year the NIU Huskies will probably get blown out by Oklahoma State.

 

 

 

American Express is making their annual big deal about “Small Business Saturday” where they encourage everyone to work with local small companies. Unless that small company is for example, a travel agency that competes with American Express.