Posted tagged ‘Lebron jokes’

United we kneel?

September 23, 2017

Give Donald Trump credit. Who else could have united  Lebron James and Warriors.

 

Nerd nation.   The Chicago Bulls’ Robin Lopez,  formerly of Stanford:   “It’s ok , in a few months probably won’t be able to visit the White House either”

 

Waiting seriously for the first white NFL QB to #TakeAKnee during anthem in support of teammates and free speech.

At this point @realDonaldTrump might be rivaling #DanSnyder for the most hated man for sports fans in DC.

Odd thing about Trump tweet is if you wanted to pick NBA star who most appealed to whites would be probably be Steph Curry.

And President Trump. if you want to talk about an NBA player in a tweet now, it should maybe it should be the one spearheading relief efforts in the U.S. Virgin Islands – Tim Duncan.

Good to know w/ all the tough issues facing our country @realDonaldTrump finds time for important things, like attacking Kaepernick & Curry.

NY Giants made a statement against Trump and in support of their players NY Jets said they would not make a statement.  Jets owner Woody Johnson is a friend of Trump and the US ambassador to England. I am sure it’s just a coincidence.

As Trump spends Saturday, trashing sportsmen who disagree w/ him Gregg Popovich has to be thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?” @spurs

Rutgers football got 2 yr probation for “failing to monitor” program. Would be bigger deal if Scarlet Knights had chance in hell for bowls.

So when the Warriors visit Washington DC maybe they can all be invited to Barack Obama’s house?

A New Orleans mayoral candidate using the slogan “Make New Orleans Fun Again” is facing a charge of lewd conduct after allegedly being caught masturbating in a Los Angeles Uber. Well, that’s one definition of fun.

TC points out   “TV ratings for the Chargers and Rams home LA games in NFL week 2 were were brutal. Fans longed for the days when LA did not have any NFL teams and they got the Seahawks and even  the  49er games were beamed in.”

Inspired by friend Rich K. would Trump respect NFL players if instead of taking knee they tried to run people over w/ cars?

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Disrespecting country isn’t kneeling for anthem, disrespecting country is tweets trashing athletes while millions suffer in Puerto Rico.
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Base medals?

May 21, 2017

Now turns out Rio Olympic medals are “falling to pieces.” Should make everyone feel real comfortable now living in former Olympic housing

Tim Tebow hit his third home run of the year for the single-A Columbia Fireflies. A real shame he can’t hit against the Mets bullpen.

Isaiah Thomas was out for game 3 of the Eastern Conference finals.  Maybe Lebron decided to even things out by not playing either?

I’m sure what’s left of the Spurs would appreciate Durant doing the same thing tomorrow in game 4.

 

In Zimbabwe, a big game hunter leading a safari was killed when an elephant he was hunting was shot and fell on top of him.  Mean bitch karma for a nice little win.

 

They’ve announced a sequel will be made to the original “Mamma Mia” movie with the original cast, including Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan,  Amanda Seyfried, Colin Firth etc.

This news will thrill women, gays, and about 5 straight men.

Wondering why Trump voters won’t get upset w/ him not using phrase “radical Islamic terrorism? Maybe because Fox won’t tell them he didn’t.

Anyone have any doubt what Donald Trump would have had said had he lost election and HillaryClinton signed arms deal w  Saudi Arabia.

Saudis are used to ruling families. So maybe they figure having Ivanka and Jared as surrogates makes sense. #TrumpinSaudi

Ivanka Trump praised Saudis for progress on women’s rights. That’s like praising Kardashians for progress in educational television.

Now Trump wants to gut the budget of the Office of National Drug Control Policy. While Sessions wants to lock all drug users up for the maximum sentences allowed. Never thought I’d miss “compassionate conservatism.”

Trump canceled a public appearance today on foreign trip because he was too tired. Anyone got a picture of him fainting into a motorcade?

 

Serious post about Democratic politics: Does anyone think Donald Trump was most Republicans’ first choice?
Whatever they thought of him, many in the GOP figured, correctly, that he would if President try to advance their agenda. So they held their noses and voted.
Meanwhile, I’ve already heard Democrats talking about 2020 and candidates they won’t support because of some perceived failed litmus lest. #Thisisthewaytolose

Harsh

January 27, 2017

ESPN reports Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski apparently is disciplining players by temporarily kicking them out of the locker room and forbidding them from wearing team gear.
Shame coach K is at Duke, at many top basketball schools he could issue the ultimate punishment – make them go to class.

Seahawks assistant coach Rocky Seto is leaving the team to enter the ministry. Hmm, if he really wants to be around  a lot of people praying every Sunday, maybe Seto should join the 49ers.

LeBron James was already unhappy about Cavs roster. Now Cleveland lost to Sacramento Kings. Who’s getting fired this time?

Things are getting crazy enough in U.S. that Americans are actually looking forward to the sober sensibility of Super Bowl media week.

OT Joe Thomas says the Browns should use their first pick on a pass rusher. Now, before Deshaun Watson gets too happy about potentially dodging that bullet, remember, the #2 pick goes to the 49ers.

Steve Bannon “I want you to quote this. The media here is the opposition party.” Time to subscribe to another newspaper. #Resist

On a positive note, have to guess that President Trump is really really good for U.S. wine sales.

Dow when Obama took office, 7949. Dow when Obama left, 19,887. Now Trump taking credit for Dow 20,000. Talk about Hidden Figures.

President wants a 20% tax on all U.S. imports from Mexico to pay for the wall. Uh, $2.8 billion of that is beer. Drink up, Trump voters.

Scientists have moved #doomsdayclock closer to midnight. Kellyanne Conway explains that White House clock runs on alternative time.

While 20% Mexico tariffs make their fruit expensive, we build a wall to keep immigrants out. Uh, who’s going to pick the fruit we grow?

Now Mexican Pres. Nieto isn’t attending a meeting w/ Trump Jan 31.over wall $$$.. But who needs Mexico when Trump Tower has best taco bowls?

Reince Priebus ‘If you defy the laws of this country, you shouldn’t receive federal taxpayer dollars’
But if you settle a fraud lawsuit for $25 million you can live in taxpayer-paid housing.

Who says I never post anything nice about Republicans?! Vamos Lindsey!

“Simply put, any policy proposal which drives up costs of Corona, tequila, or margaritas is a big-time bad idea. Mucho Sad. (2)”

The Trump administration is likely to eliminate a proposed DOT rule requiring airlines and travel agents to disclose baggage fees during a fare search.
Well, of course, travelers who don’t like baggage fees should just use a private plane.

GOP voters today: “Fantastic, Trump shrinking govt & instituting hiring freeze.” GOP voters next month. “Why can’t i get my call answered?”

Poopy heads?

December 13, 2016

Seattle Seahawks CB Richard Sherman, angry at the NFL’s scheduling of Thursday night games, referred to them as a “Poopfest.” Would that be the title of a potential 49ers Browns game?

As fans wait for the end of 49ers season, remember that SF was sure they could win without Jim Harbaugh. And they have, 6 times in 2 years.

Jim Harbaugh told Michigan players rumors of him returning to NFL are “lies spread by our enemies”. Will he next accuse  Putin of being an Ohio State fan?

Lebron James wore a discreet safety pin on his lapel for the SI Sportsman of the Year cover. You may not like Lebron on the court, you may not agree with his politics. But the guy is a great role model for celebrities who want to express political views with class. IMHO.

An American Airlines flight from Charlotte to San Francisco diverted with a mechanical problem to Phoenix for 5 1/2 hours. No word on compensation for passengers, especially on the most important question – “Do we get extra frequent flier miles?

From Bill Littlejohn : “Jennifer Lawrence is in a bit of hot water after relating a story in which she used sacred Hawaiian rocks to scratch her itching derriere.  .Butt Fumble II?”

But hey, maybe she just wants to date Mark Sanchez.

#GarthBrooks will apparently not be performing at #Trump‘s inaugural. Guess he doesn’t have friends in THAT low of places.

So how many reasons did #RickPerry give @realDonaldTrump to choose him as Secretary of Energy?

So why did Trump appoint Rick Perry Secretary of Energy?
Because there was no Secretary of Arithmetic?

President Obama today signed the “21st Century Cures Act”, a $6.3 billion bipartisan bill to fight cancer and streamline the FDA approval process for drugs and medical device. It also includes $1 billion for states to fight substance abuse and drug addiction.
Waiting for the Trump rebuttal.

At Trump Tower, Kanye West met w/ President-Elect Donald Trump this am to discuss becoming “an ambassador of sorts.”

At the Onion offices “We give up.”

 

No joke. The Trump transition team has asked ffor the DOE to “provide a list of all Department of Energy employees or contractors” who have “worked on climate change policy.”
We throw the term McCarthyism around, but this time it may have nothing to do with Russia. #Scary

(if mean bitch Karma  wants to unleash a tsunami in South Florida, a good place to aim at would be Mar A Lago)

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Someone is running for President in 2020…. Ohio Gov. John Kasich rejected the so-called “heartbeat bill” which would have banned abortions after about 6 weeks. He did sign a bill preventing abortions after 20 weeks. #verysmallmercies

In Oklahoma, a law passed this summer will require all public restrooms by January 2018 to have anti-abortion signs posted. Many businesses oppose the measure, not for the message, but because there is no funding and they say it is an unfair mandate that will cost them a total of $2.3 million for the signs. #priorities.

Handcuffs are rings, right?

August 17, 2016

North Korean gymnast Ri Se-Gwang won a gold medal on the vault today, but appeared to be crying sadly on the podium. Probably because he wasn’t able to vault far enough from the guards who will be returning him to North Korea.

Members of the Irish Olympic Committee, including one on the IOC E-board, have been accused by Brazilian police of a scalping scheme involving more than 1,000 tickets. There’s corruption in the IOC? Wonder if they’re sponsoring gambling in Casablanca too?

A reigning Olympic diving champion today ended with an amazing belly-flop in the semi-finals. So Ilya Zakharov won’t get a medal. But he has a great chance to win a t-shirt in Carnival Cruises pool games.

Now there’s breaking news that a Brazilian judge has issued a search and seizure warrant for two of the swimmers who said they were robbed in Rio. Made-for-tv movie in 3-2-1…?

 

LeBron James on Team USA “Every time I watch ’em, I wish I was out there.” Uh, does King James mean playing basketball or hanging out on the luxury ship and playing beach volleyball?

Lebron James said his goal is to “own a team.” Well, actually the Cavs owned a lot of teams last season.

#‎SFGiants‬ weren’t as good as they looked 1st half of season. But can’t be as bad as they look in 2nd half. 1962 ‪#‎Mets‬ weren’t even THIS bad.

#‎MattCain‬ allows 6 runs in 1 inning on 2 hits. Flashback to that 1st year of Little League when kids graduated from coach pitch. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Phrase I DON’T want to hear on @SFGiants postgame show. ‪#‎MattCain‬ (as opposed to fill-in-the-blank) pitched better than score indicated.”

Stop the presses, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬  did get a hit in the first inning with a runner in scoring position.

A new Public Policy Polling survey found that three out of five Trump supporters in Texas want to secede if Hillary is elected. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country. ‪#‎letmypeoplego‬

 

Curt Schilling says he’s considering running for Senate to unseat Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts. Can’t wait for her to tell him to put a bloody sock in it.

Major shake-up this morning in the @realDonaldTrump campaign. Clearly this is @HillaryClinton’s fault

New ‪#‎Trump‬ campaign CEO is Steve Bannon, head of ‪#‎Breitbart‬ News. So guess we’ve found one media outlet the Donald won’t be now attacking

 

So @realDonaldTrump is on his 3rd campaign manager & it’s only Aug. Who knew in a few short months he could have more managers than wives?

Donald Trump apparently sent out a 30 question survey to his supporters asking for help with the campaign. Question 1 is “Which issues are most important to you?” Not listed – “I just don’t want to vote for Hillary.”

 

While Donald Trump makes headlines nearly every day with some outrageous comment, Hillary Clinton continues to run a largely cautious campaign. Clearly she has no regard for US comedy writers – whatever will we do if she is elected? ‪#‎WewillalwayshaveBIll‬?

Nasty brutish and short?

June 5, 2016

Refs in Oakland did call travelling tonight on Lebron James. Time for a congressional investigation? ‪#‎NBAFinals‬

 

#‎Lebron‬ & ‪#‎Cavs‬ in game 2 of ‪#‎NBAFinals‬ were so bad ‪#‎ESPN‬ might air new special ‪#‎TheDecision‬ – on where ‪#‎Cleveland‬ plans to go for vacation.

Denver Broncos CB Aqib Talib was treated and released from a Dallas hospital after being shot in the leg at a Dallas nightclub. This is the same Talib who was indicted for allegedly pistol-whipping and shooting at his sister’s boyfriend in 2011, and questioned last year at the scene of an aggravated assault also at a Dallas nightclub.
Even Johnny Manziel is thinking this guy needs to get a grip.

Police in Vacaville, California arrested five people for allegedly stealing $4,700 of Red Bull from local stores. Hmm, if the stuff really does give you wings wouldn’t they have flown the coup?

They are now selling “Golden Grahams” cereal in boxes that feature Jose Bautista’s bat flip on the front. Wonder if kids who eat it are likely to get punched at school?

Former George W. Bush Attorney General Alberto Gonzales defending Donald Trump for calling out a Hispanic judge: “If judges are not perceived as being impartial, the public will quickly lose confidence in the rule of law upon which our nation is based.”
Oh, I don’t know, Americans recovered pretty quickly after the 2000 election.

ESPN just reported that ‪#‎MadisonBumgarner‬ has more career grand-slam home runs than ‪#‎DerekJeter‬

 

Ryan Howard says a fan at his home Citizens Bank Ballpark threw a beer bottle at him. Not good. But really, isn’t selling beer in bottles in Philadelphia like selling arms to militants?

 

Gary Byrne, a former Secret Service agent in the Clinton White House, is releasing a “tell-all: book next month about his time there and how the culture “sickened” him. And of course the fact that a book anytime in the last 8 years before the election cycle would have received little notice has nothing to with it. ‪#‎money‬

Donald Trump is doubling down on criticism on the Hispanic judge overseeing the Trump University trial, and says now he thinks he wouldn’t get a fair trial from a Muslim judge either. Time to start the pool on when he adds women judges to the list?

 

Waiting for ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ to say no one can judge him. Because really he has no peers.

 

The father of the former Stanford swimmer convicted of rape and sentenced to 6 months in jall has written an open letter talking about how his son’s “life has been deeply altered forever…. he will never be his happy go lucky self…his life will never be the one he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 years of life,”
Well, yeah, and can’t imagine how all that apple and tree theory got started.

From Marc Ragovin “The Yankees are holding their Old Timers game this upcoming Sunday. Or as its otherwise known, a split-squad scrimmage.”

Benched?

June 2, 2016

Lebron James called the 2014 San Antonio Spurs the best team he’d ever faced. After NBA Finals game 1, where Cleveland was beaten by the Golden State bench, looking like the Cavs couldn’t even come close to beating the 2016 Spurs.

 

Some of these officiating delays in the ‪#‎NBAFinals‬ make you long for the quick decisions of ‪#‎MLB‬ instant replay. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

In the Barry Bonds days, no one wanted to leave their seat at home or in front of the TV when he was due up to bat. Not that he’s THAT good, but it’s beginning to feel the same way when you know Madison Bumgarner will have an AB. ‪#‎anythingcanhappen‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Pitcherswhorake‬

SFGiants have a message for all ‪#‎DH‬ fans who say no one wants to watch a pitcher hit. ‪#‎STFU‬ ‪#‎PitchersWhoRake‬ ‪#‎PitchersWhoReallyRake‬ ‪#‎Madbum‬

Starbucks is teaming up with Anheuser-Busch for a bottled version of their “Teavana” tea. The product, however, won’t have any actual beer in it. Just like Bud Light.

 

A Crimson Tide coach, Bo Davis, resigned this spring over illegal contact with a recruit. But Nick Saban has been complaining about the Wolverines’ satellite camps. Jim Harbaugh’s Twitter response “‘Amazing’ to me – Alabama broke NCAA rules & now their HC is lecturing us on the possibility of rules being broken at camps. Truly ‘amazing.’
How much do we want to see Michigan-Alabama in college football now? ‪#‎whatsyourdeal‬

Jeffery Simmons, the 12th ranked DE recruit in the US, was arrested and charged with assault and disturbing the peace this March. A video showed him hitting a woman several times. Mississippi State said Simmons will be given a one-game suspension and allowed to play football, but with “conditions attached.”
The number one condition being that he play well on the field?

Sad. Prince apparently died of a opiod overdose. So Jehovah’s Witnesses can’t have surgery, but they can drug themselves to death?

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Bernard Marcus, the founder of Home Depot, has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Presumably because he hopes Trump will need to shop at Home Depot to built that wall.

Taylor Swift’s boyfriend of 15 month, Calvin Harris, apparently just broke up with HER. Well, at least the song should be different this time.
The graduate student who fatally shot a UCLA professor had accused the professor of stealing his work. So yeah, what we need in a high-stress college environment is for all students and professors to be armed. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Paul Ryan said he’ll vote for Donald Trump in November. Did they legalize marijuana in Wisconsin and not tell us?

 

The AP reports that after Texas Gov. Greg Abbott dropped a state probe into Trump University, the Donald gave Abbott a $35,000 donation to his campaign. Five words: “Damn, I miss Molly Ivins.”