Posted tagged ‘SFGiants jokes’
June 25, 2017
John McEnroe – Serena Williams would be “about 700 on men’s tour.” Sounds like someone has wishful thoughts about a sequel to Riggs-King.
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Of course, right about now I’d put money on Serena, 7 or 8 months pregnant. Or heck, she could probably dispatch him between contractions.
Right about now #SFGiants seriously need to recruit Crash Davis and Annie Savoy.
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Hunter Pence is thrown out stealing second with the Giants down 2 runs, in a first and third, two out situation with Belt up. Joe Panik gets doubled off 2nd when Posey pops-out. Takes lot of creativity to lose this consistently. #SFGiants
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The Mets promoted Tim Tebow to their high-A , Port St. Lucie (Fla.) Minor League team. Alas for Tim, with this weekend’s series over it’s already too late in the year for him to have a chance of facing SFGiants pitching.
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Adam Schiff says now that President Obama should have done more about Russian election hacking. Hindsight is 20-20, but remember, everyone thought Hillary was going to win easily, especially after the “pussy tapes.”
And with Donald Trump talking “rigged” election and not promising to accept the results, can we seriously think what would have happened if Obama came out and said Russia was trying to get Trump elected?
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Lara Trump – “Republican Party is becoming the only party of tolerance here in the United States.” #nopunchlineneeded
Trump today on “Fox and Friends” admitted he called the House health care bill “mean” And then claimed that Obama only said the same thing because HE had done so first – “He used my term – “mean.”
When you look under “petty” in the dictionary…. #sorestwinnerever
Trump said Obama stole his “mean” term for the healthcare bill. How long until Trump claims he & not Al Gore invented the internet?
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John McEnroe – Serena Williams would be “about 700 on men’s tour.” Sounds like someone has wishful thoughts about a sequel to Riggs-King.
Think a healthcare solution might be just to allow Trump to rename Obamacare “Trumpcare?” Then he might call it best in world.
From T.C. “QB Vince Young has been placed on waivers by the CFL Saskatchewan Roughriders. In related news, Colin Kaepernick has Googled Saskatchewan.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, McEnroe jokes, SFGiants jokes
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May 2, 2017
Greg Hardy says he’s “not a f*cking psychopath.” Right, and he doesn’t have anger issues either.
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Raiders top draft pick Gareon Conley’s first said “nothing happened” the night he was accused of rape. Now TMZ reports he said, he said he received “brief oral sex” from his accuser.
So oral sex is nothing. Does this guy want to be an NFL player or run for President?
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Real simple solution for #RedSox: Get name, address of anyone behaving like fans did w/ #AdamJones & ban them from buying tickets to Fenway.
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But really Red Sox fans, Boston at this point should be better than this. Racial taunts are never appropriate. And really obnoxious taunts should be saved for the Yankees.
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So Joe Mixon has an NFL job and Colin Kaepernick doesn’t. Controversy is clearly a distant 2nd in the league to perceived talent.
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Stephen Curry’s was asked what he’s going to do on the Warriors’ day off in Salt Lake City – “I won’t be riding a dirt bike.”
Too soon? Mean bitch karma might tell Steph to be careful walking down hotel steps. #pagingJeremyAffeldt
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SF Giants pitcher Matt Moore got staked to a 4-0 lead in the top of the 2nd inning against the Dodgers, and then, after a 7 pitch 1st, promptly gave back 6 runs in the bottom of the inning. Not much silver lining but maybe a bit of solace for Giants fans who have wondered “if only Bochy had let Moore go one more inning in the 2016 NLDS game 4 against the Cubs.”
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Alabama’s Nick Saban will be paid $11.125 million this season. But heaven forbid someone buy one of his college football players dinner.
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American Airlines is reducing legroom on some of their flights within the US from 31 to 29 inches. Wonder if they will allow you to put your knees in checked baggage free of charge.
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Biggest mistake made with the #fyrefestival? Not hiring Sean Spicer to tell the world how great it was.
Understand Hillary still being focused on losing close election maybe she should have won. Can’t understand Trump’s obsession. #sorewinner
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Wonder how much we’d need to raise on a #GoFundMe page to get @realDonaldTrump to go back to that previous life he loved so much?
“Compassionate conservatism?” GOP Rep. Pittenger on Trumpcare pre-existing conditions. “People can go to state that they want to live in,”
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Alabama Rep. Mo Brooks on CNN. “My understanding is that (the new Trumpcare) will allow insurance companies to require people who have higher health care costs to contribute more to the insurance pool. That helps offset all these costs, thereby reducing the cost to those people who lead good lives, they’re healthy, they’ve done the things to keep their bodies healthy. And right now, those are the people — who’ve done things the right way — that are seeing their costs skyrocketing.”
Right, because cancer only happens to people who have led bad lives? #WTF?
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Trump tweets – “change rules now to 51%. Country needs a good “shutdown” in Sept. to fix mess!” But imagine what Obama could have done without filibuster
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Austin police say the a man was “suffering from mental health issues” when he allegedly killed a student and injured three others with a hunting knife. He just had a hunting knife? Maybe the guy didn’t know the GOP had overturned an Obama rule in order to defend his 2nd amendment rights.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: obamacare jokes, Raiders jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes
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September 20, 2016
Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. Waiting for Trump to blame it on a Clinton plot to take him out of the headlines.
Can we blame the #Brangelina breakup on gay marriage?
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So what time is the party at #JenniferAnniston‘s house?
Since I’ve been talking about definition of insanity, guess I must ask myself, what is being an #SFGiants fan this September still watching the 9th inning?
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Tim Tebow apparently hit a home run in minor league BP. The question is, can he pitch? #SFGiants are desperate enough in 9th inning they might want someone with God on his side.
The Lakers have 500 to 1 odds to win their NBA division. Amazing. So wonder how much those odds got lowered by Vegas’s proximity to Los Angeles?
Some question why since the FBI looked into the alleged NYC bomber 2 years ago they didn’t figure out he might be a terrorist. The more that comes out about why and how much the plot failed, maybe they figured the guy was too STUPID to be a terrorist.
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The Washington Post is reporting that Donald Trump spent more than $250,000 from his foundation to settle lawsuits involving his businesses. I am sure this is somehow Hillary Clinton’s fault.
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One of today’s tweets. Once again, how Presidential of him. @realDonaldTrump – “Do people notice Hillary is copying my airplane rallies – she puts the plane behind her like I have been doing from the beginning.”
Trump taunted Hillary today on Twitter because Clinton had no public events scheduled: “Hillary Clinton is taking the day off again, she needs the rest. Sleep well Hillary — see you at the debate!”
Of course if Hillary were campaigning nonstop this week he’d taunt her with something about either not listening to her doctors or having faked pneumonia. #bewarethenastyOrangeSkittle
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Another Trump tweet “Once again someone we were told is ok turns out to be a terrorist who wants to destroy our country & its people- how did he get thru system?” – Uh, alleged bomber Rahami moved here when he was seven years old.
And if we are talking system failures how did the Charleston and Sandy Hook killers get guns? For starters.
Donald Trump is already complaining about, the moderator of the 1st Presidential debate, By the way, “Lester (Holt) is a Democrat They’re all Democrats.”
Time magazine looked at NY voter registration, and Holt has been a registered Republican since 2003.
#Whyconfuseagoodstrategywiththefacts?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: angelina jolie jokes, brad pitt jokes, brangelina, brangelina jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes, Twitter jokes
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September 14, 2016
Steph Curry was asked as part of a longer interview who he was supporting for President. He simply answered “Hillary” and moved on. And some people are actually complaining that athletes shouldn’t get involved in politics? #Onewordistoomany? #WTF?
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Another #Padres pitcher coming in with an ERA of around 6. And of course the #SFGiants scored one run. At some point the team should charge a fee for giving all these pitchers the best outing of their careers.
If by chance the #SFGiants stagger into the playoffs, no one will accuse them of peaking too soon in September.
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Hillary Clinton had to cancel San Francisco fundraisers early this week over her pneumonia. Shame. She could have used that “basket of deplorables” line to great effect about the SF Giants bullpen.
(or in some cases, like today, their hitters.)
Major league baseball has announced their 2017 schedule, with both the Twins and Red Sox opening at home April 3. Too soon to bet on which game is most likely to be snowed out?
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Several Washington State players have been arrested this year, and coach Mike Leach, formerly at Texas Tech, is blaming the police and media for unfairly focusing on football players. Toto, we’re not in Texas any more….
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In New York, an assemblyman who fatally shot himself last week won his primary today. So voters not paying attention? Or voters deciding that a dead man could do less damage than the live alternative?
In Austria, an 18-year-old girl is suing her parents because she said the Facebook pictures they posted of her as a child have made her life miserable. Ah, for the good old days when your parents could only embarrass you with scrapbooks.
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Proving it’s not just U.S. airports and airlines who are fond of euphemisms – a travel agent bulletin says the runway at Aberdeen Airport in Scotland is currently out of service, due to a technical issue.”
The issue, they discovered an actual hole in the runway.
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Mike Pence this week refused to call David Duke “deplorable.” Just one question for Governor Pence, who WOULD he call deplorable?
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Last year, Donald Trump was listed as 6’2″ and 198 pounds. Today he told Dr. Oz he was 6’3″ and 236 pounds. Time for a congressional investigation?
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So @realDonaldTrump says he “feels as good as when I was 30.” If any 70 year-old really believes that, he’s too delusional to be President.
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Hillary Clinton today released detailed medical information. The report said she has “mild, non-contagious bacterial” pneumonia. It also has details about blood cholesterol levels, allergies, her annual mammogram, etc.
Wonder how long before Donald Trump announces again he is the very healthiest but he won’t release his records because we just wouldn’t understand.
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Donald Trump has said “I will end forever the use of the H-1B as a cheap labor program, and institute an absolute requirement to hire American workers for every visa and immigration program. No exceptions.”
Today, Melania Trump tweeted a letter from her lawyer defending her immigration status. The lawyer said Melania told him she “remained in the United States on five one-year H-1B visas before obtaining a green card,”
#Youcantmakethisstuffup
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, curry jokes, election jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 20, 2016
Right about now after the last week both the SF Giants and GOP have to be hoping to see Bobby come out of that shower. #Dallas
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#SFGiants have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.
#SFGiants feeling sorry for #Dodgers with #Kershaw potentially needing back surgery. Maybe they can ship #Cain to #LA as a replacement.
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#SFGiants have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.
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The Big 12 is thinking of expanding in football, from 10 teams to 12. Arithmetic, what a concept.
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Paul Ryan, at a meeting of the Texas GOP, talked about the football rivalries like A&M and Texas, “When one of the teams advances to a big bowl game or a national championship, don’t you root for the Aggies if you are a Longhorn?”
The speaker got booed. Good thing Ryan didn’t try that in the Florida delegation with the Gators and Seminoles. He might still be in intensive care.
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Paul Ryan also talked about Ohio State and Michigan rooting for each other in bowl games because they were in the same conference. Does the man realize that Ohio is in an open-carry state?
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Well, not sure what @realDonaldTrump might plagiarize on Thursday, but just guessing it won’t be Reagan’s “tear down that wall.” #RNCinCLE
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Reports are that John #Kasich turned down an offer to be “most powerful VP in history.” So was @HillaryClinton reaching across the aisle?
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So wait, if #MeredithMcIver wrote speech what about lie Melania told about writing it herself. #IOYIYR #IOKIYT (It’s OK if you’re Republican, or Trump.)
#MeredithMcIver to take blame. Will Trump fire her? Not for plagiarizing but for saying for saying Melania always admired #MichelleObama
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Donald Trump “Good news is Melania’s speech got more publicity than any in the history of politics especially if you believe that all press is good press!”
So how is the Donald going to start his speech Thursday? “Four score and seven years ago, all we had to fear was fear itself, but I have a HUGE dream that it’s time for Americans to ask what they can do for their country….”
After watching #RNCinCLE a lot of people are thinking by comparison that #OscarsNotSoWhite
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So, okay, I think I’ve got this straight: The GOP wants Loretta Lynch to be disqualified as U.S. Attorney General for prejudice after her meeting with Bill Clinton. But it’s okay for Chris Christie to have the role after saying Hillary should be locked up. #SMH
N.H. GOP state rep and Trump advisor Al Baldasaro said Hillary Clinton “should be put in the firing line and shot for treason.” Uh, speaking of treason, doesn’t threatening a potential President fall into that category?
So @realDonaldTrump says #TedCruz didn’t “honor his pledge” And who should be more expert on not honoring pledges than man married 3 times.
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Not that I quote Caitlyn Jenner almost ever, but on the bathroom issue, she noted that former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, former Mississippi Rep. Jon Hinson & former Florida state Rep. Bob Allen had all been arrested for “lewd behavior” in men’s restrooms,
“Maybe what we should do is ban Republican representatives at a state level from being in the men’s room.
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A Florida girl not chosen to be a cheerleader has threatened to sue if she isn’t named to the high school team. #ifonlyshewerearmed
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Apparently many Twitter users were incensed that Megyn Kelly was wearing a spaghetti strap form-fitting top today to cover the RNC for Fox. Probably all Republicans. Democratic women would support Megyn’s right to dress as she pleases, and men would think the incident deserves a longer investigation.
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How often does @HillaryClinton applaud #TedCruz? #RNCinCLE
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Did #Trump give #TedCruz an #RNC speaking slot because Cruz’s dad still might know some of those assassins? #Fearfactor #RNCinCLE
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MikePence, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.” Just like it says in the U.S. Constitution…. #RNCinCLE #WTF?
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: convention jokes, Cruz jokes, Dodgers jokes, GOP jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, RNC jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 5, 2016
The FBI says they will not press charges against Hillary Clinton. Director James Comey says there was no “clear evidence” of intentional misconduct. So this will change exactly zero minds on Hillary’s guilt or innocence.
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FBI director James Comey did say Hillary Clinton was “extremely careless” but if GOP is going to condemn a lack of judgment with her emails
what about those Iraq WMDs?
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Until today, Republicans admired FBI director James Comey, like they used to admire judge Merrick Garland.
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FBI director James Comey said “‘no reasonable prosecutor” would bring a case against Clinton for emails. I am sure this will convince the GOP as they’ve reasonably only voted 60 times to repeal Obamacare.
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Paul Ryan tonight said the GOP will hold hearings on the FBI’s decision not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over the emails. Why don’t they run them along with another Benghazi hearing? Would save time.
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Just wondering how many Americans screaming about Hillary #Clinton‘s email server have any idea what an email server actually is.
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Now a drug- resistant bacteria has been found in the water off some of Rio’s most popular beaches. Well security at the Olympics may not be as big a problem as previously feared: if this keeps up even ISIL will be scared to go near the place.
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If Donald Trump wanted to tweet about real #RiggedSystem, he should have ignored Hillary’s emails & talked about #AllStarGame voting.
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More wins than any team in National League & only one position player in the #AllStarGame. But #SFGiants players need the rest anyway. (If the bullpen hadn’t blown 6 of 9 last saves they’d have more wins than any team in baseball.)
#SFGiants now take over the major league lead from the #Reds in blown saves. #notthetitleyouwant
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ESPN is devoting an hour to the MLB “Esurance All-Star Selection Show” tonight. An hour?! So where’s that hacker who leaked the March Madness brackets when we need him or her?
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#SFGiants need to trade for #NolanArenado someday if for no other reason than to keep him from batting against them.
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Best news for #SFGiants with #KevinDurant to #Warriors; even in even year, they’re not the SF Bay Area team most burdened w/ high expectations.
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The Alabama AD self-reported five violations for the 2015-16 academic year against their football team. The school said they were all “secondary violations,” which don’t lead to probation. Well of course, isn’t anything the Crimson Tide football teams do at most a secondary violation.
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To err is human, to really screw things up requires a computer. This is the response I got today on confirming a hotel night….in midtown Manhattan:
ROOM VIEW – OCEAN VIEW
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Apparently some parents were upset to find out that Hooters had sponsored a 3-day Cub Scout camp, and sent a few of their waitresses to volunteer. Even more upset, some fathers whose own Cub Scout volunteer days may now be over.
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Meanwhile, while some Americans freak out over terrorism, more than 60 people were shot in Chicago over the 4th of July weekend; four died.
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Clinton campaign statement on the FBI decision not to charge her over emails: “We are glad this matter is now resolved.”
Glad for no charges I can see, but “resolved?” Right, like Obama’s birth certificate, or Obamacare for that matter, ever was resolved with many in the GOP… #shecandream
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Donald Trump today on Saddam Hussein: “He was a bad guy — really bad guy. But you know what? He did well? He killed terrorists.”
Yeah, along with only maybe 250,000-500,000 Iraqis. #ThisIShimtryingtobePresidential
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Clinton jokes, email jokes, fbi jokes, james comey jokes, Janice Hough, MLB AllStar game jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 15, 2016
Notre Dame WR Corey Robinson, son of “The Admiral” David Robinson, is retiring from football, citing multiple concussions. Sounds like in Corey’s case that brains as well as athletic ability were inherited.
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Johnny #Cueto now 10-1. Watching him pitch today kind of hard to imagine how he lost that one. #SFGiants
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Lost in last night’s 3-2 #SFGiants win was the fact that the winning run scored on a wild pitch with Madison Bumgarner up at the plate, one of two wild pitches in that at-bat. Thrown in part because the Brewers pitcher didn’t want to throw Madbum a fast ball with runners on base. #pitcherswhorake #pitcherswhoscareotherpitchers
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So quaint #stayclassy moment from the NFL: Bills coach Rex Ryan is reportedly not happy about Bills RB Karlos Williams being overweight in training camp.
Williams blames his fiance: “I like to eat and then her being pregnant gave me an excuse to eat. She’d wake up, one or two o’clock, ‘I want a snack.’ Well I’m not going to sit here and watch you eat because I don’t want you to feel bad.”
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Kentucky’s John Calipari “Coaches always know about scandals that occur on their campuses and they should be held accountable.
Wonder if Calipari knows everything he says stays on the internet forever.
Story now that maybe Dallas RB Darren McFadden didn’t injure himself trying to catch his cell phone. Hmm, was he washing Jeff Kent’s truck?
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A South African appeals court upheld Oscar Pistorius’s conviction for murder today. The former Olympian had even appeared in his stumps in an attempt for sympathy. “I feel so sorry for him, ” said nobody.”
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Pat Robertson on the Orlando shootings, talking about Muslims and gays “I think for those of us who disagree with some of their policies, the best thing to do is to sit on the sidelines and let them kill themselves.”
You know, I wouldn’t wish terrorism on anyone but…..it is surprising that none of these fanatics have ended up on ISIS’s radar.
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Sad story this morning with a bit of #cantfixstupid from Disney World with the little boy snatched by an alligator. He was wading in a hotel lagoon, where his parents were ignoring clearly marked “No swimming signs.” If only that were the most awful story out of Orlando this week.
Leaving alligators and terrorists aside: From CDC – Between 2005-2014, there were an average of 3,536 fatal unintentional drownings (non-boating related) a year in U.S. 1 in 5 were children under 14. (332 people a year drown in boating-related incidents.)
And apparently over 3,000 kids a year end up in the ER for near-drowning incidents. Somehow I am sure this is Obama’s fault.
So I’m waiting for #Trump to say that if the parents at #DisneyWorld were armed they could have shot the gator. #bustohell
A Philadelphia columnist, Helen Ubinas, wrote on Philly.com how she was able to buy an AR-15 in seven minutes. Seven minutes? It took me longer than than when Walgreens had a 2 for 1 sale on all house-brand medications, and I decided to try to buy two packages of their equivalent to Sudafed.
Newt Gingrich wants to re-create the “House Un-American Activities Committee.” Well, okay then, since religion and “traditional family values” seem still to be such a priority for the GOP these days, can that committee investigate Americans who’ve been married more than twice?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Calipari jokes, Gingrich jokes, Janice Hough, mcfadden jokes, NFL jokes, Pat Robertson jokes, Pistorius jokes, SFGiants jokes
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June 8, 2016
Today Californians went to the polls. And readers who don’t like my political stuff might want to skip down several items, or until the next post.
And for those of us who live in the state, all those annoying primary election ads will finally be over with. The general election ads start tomorrow.
You can call #HillaryClinton a lot of things. But especially given the alternative, people need to get used to the idea of calling her #MadamPresident.
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Absolutely amazing, my California Assembly district 24 is in the middle of Silicon Valley, has been home to Hewlett, Packard, Jobs, Ellison, Zuckerberg etc. And it’s MIDNIGHT election night and we still don’t have more than 71% of the vote counted. Ah technology….
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No network yet calling #CaliforniaPrimary for #Hillary or #Bernie, at 1230a June 8. Maybe they’ll go out on a limb before #Dem convention.
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Would support #Obama for 3rd term if there weren’t an amendment, but time for #Sanders to do as #Hillary did in 2008 #begracious #getonboard
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Really? Now today’s anti-Hillary social media rant is that she was wearing an expensive Armani jacket during a speech on inequality. And if she just wore mass-market clothes she’d be accused of being dowdy and not supporting retailers.
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Donald Trump said tonight he will deliver a “major speech” on the Clintons next week. Like Trump’s “major announcement” in 2012 on Obama’s birth certificate?
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Trump says now his comments about judges were “misconstrued.” Is that the Donald’s way of saying “Oops, even I might have gone too far this time?”
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Lindsey Graham is urging Republicans to rescind their endorsements of Donald Trump after the Donald’s racist comments about judges. Nice start, Senator Graham. Now how about going the next step – as in “We can survive four years of Hillary Clinton, we may not survive four years of Donald Trump.” #justsaynotoTrump
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Albert Suarez has had two starts in the major leagues. Both for the SF Giants. Both times he left with a lead. The first save was blown by Santiago Casilla, tonight’s game was lost in the 10th by Casilla. Maybe the next time Bochy has to get Suarez out of a game, he can promise to keep Casilla out too?
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Madison Bumgarner said in an interview that he isn’t much for souvenir baseballs, but he wishes he had the one he threw to Perez for the last pitch in the 2014 World Series. The ball was popped up for a foul out and was last seen in the possession of Pablo Sandoval. Let’s hope Panda didn’t eat it.
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Someone hacked #NFL twitter feed to announce falsely that #RogerGoodell had died. Out of habit, Goodell will be punishing the #Saints.
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In Missouri, a 15 year old boy apparently accidentally shot himself taking a selfie. Sad, because he was just a kid. But definitely a Darwin award junior division. #Ifonlyhewasarmed. Oh, wait, never mind.
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United Airlines has a new program called “Celebrate by United” where you can order something Duty-Free and have it delivered to a friend or colleague on-board an international flight. Flight attendants must be so thrilled. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
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Amazing sidebar to the #BrockTurnerRapist story. He has a sister. Just wondering if father #DanTurner would be so sympathetic to a young man if she had been raped in college. #20minutesofaction
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Plenty of good guys at Stanford too: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/hero-grad-student-describes-catching-stanford-rapist-article-1.2664718
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bernie jokes, California jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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June 5, 2016
Refs in Oakland did call travelling tonight on Lebron James. Time for a congressional investigation? #NBAFinals
#Lebron & #Cavs in game 2 of #NBAFinals were so bad #ESPN might air new special #TheDecision – on where #Cleveland plans to go for vacation.
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Denver Broncos CB Aqib Talib was treated and released from a Dallas hospital after being shot in the leg at a Dallas nightclub. This is the same Talib who was indicted for allegedly pistol-whipping and shooting at his sister’s boyfriend in 2011, and questioned last year at the scene of an aggravated assault also at a Dallas nightclub.
Even Johnny Manziel is thinking this guy needs to get a grip.
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Police in Vacaville, California arrested five people for allegedly stealing $4,700 of Red Bull from local stores. Hmm, if the stuff really does give you wings wouldn’t they have flown the coup?
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They are now selling “Golden Grahams” cereal in boxes that feature Jose Bautista’s bat flip on the front. Wonder if kids who eat it are likely to get punched at school?
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Former George W. Bush Attorney General Alberto Gonzales defending Donald Trump for calling out a Hispanic judge: “If judges are not perceived as being impartial, the public will quickly lose confidence in the rule of law upon which our nation is based.”
Oh, I don’t know, Americans recovered pretty quickly after the 2000 election.
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ESPN just reported that #MadisonBumgarner has more career grand-slam home runs than #DerekJeter
Ryan Howard says a fan at his home Citizens Bank Ballpark threw a beer bottle at him. Not good. But really, isn’t selling beer in bottles in Philadelphia like selling arms to militants?
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Gary Byrne, a former Secret Service agent in the Clinton White House, is releasing a “tell-all: book next month about his time there and how the culture “sickened” him. And of course the fact that a book anytime in the last 8 years before the election cycle would have received little notice has nothing to with it. #money
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Donald Trump is doubling down on criticism on the Hispanic judge overseeing the Trump University trial, and says now he thinks he wouldn’t get a fair trial from a Muslim judge either. Time to start the pool on when he adds women judges to the list?
Waiting for #DonaldTrump to say no one can judge him. Because really he has no peers.
The father of the former Stanford swimmer convicted of rape and sentenced to 6 months in jall has written an open letter talking about how his son’s “life has been deeply altered forever…. he will never be his happy go lucky self…his life will never be the one he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 years of life,”
Well, yeah, and can’t imagine how all that apple and tree theory got started.
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From Marc Ragovin “The Yankees are holding their Old Timers game this upcoming Sunday. Or as its otherwise known, a split-squad scrimmage.”
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, donaldtrump jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Red Bull jokes, SFGiants jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 3, 2016
And no, Cubs fans. Not a billy goat.
For all the talk of Islam as a warlike religion, remember, Muhammad Ali lost his heavyweight title over refusing to kill people in Vietnam. “I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong. No Viet Cong ever called me nigger…..”
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No regarding Muhammad Ali. I’m not a boxing fan. But when someone says that athletes don’t have a clue about life outside their sport….. #floatlikeabutterflystinglikeabeeandwalkthewalk
Donald Trump tweeted out that Muhammad Ali was a “truly great champion and a wonderful guy.” Guess after the Donald proposed his ban in December, he didn’t read Ali’s statement that Muslims “have to stand up to those who use Islam to advance their own personal agenda.”
The Miami Marlins may have been the first to report the death of Muhammad Ali. Well, guess they wanted to be first at something. (And with their attendance this year, not like too many people would have noticed if they were wrong.)
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Hunter Pence needs hamstring surgery and will be out about 8 weeks. Re his right field replacement SF Giants’ manager Bruce Bochy has probably already has told Madison Bumgarner -“NO!”
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#SFGiants need another outfielder in a hurry. Hey, that #Marlins hitting coach has looked pretty good leading his team in batting practice.
Giants scored 3 runs in the top of the 9th tonight in a 5-1 win. Ah yes, that moment when you think that MAYBE the #SFGiants are getting enough runs that you don’t have to play the #Casilla drinking game.
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Over 1 million people have downloaded a new Chick-fil-A app since Wed. because so doing means they get a free sandwich, worth all of about $3. Amazing. Wonder what we could do in the U.S. if we offered people free food to vote.
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The San Diego Padres blew a 10 run lead after five, in just two innings, to lose 16-13 to the Mariners Thursday night. And every player who’s ever stole a base or bunted in an out-of-control game just said “See!!!”
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Delta Air Lines says starting July 1, all movies, TV shows and music available from the carrier’s “Delta Studio” offerings will be free for both economy and premium cabin passengers. And any fare increase June 30 will be strictly coincidental.
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Your “feel good” story of the day courtesy of CNN: Apparently an alleged war criminal, accused of committing atrocities as a commander during Somalia’s civil war is working as a security guard at Dulles, and passed both an FBI criminal background check and a TSA threat assessment, Well, I suppose he can take care of people who bring that dangerous bottled water.
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The San Diego Union-Tribune has urged Republican readers to write in Ronald Reagan instead of Donald Trump in the June 7 primary. Why stop there? Why not Lincoln?
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Paul Ryan slammed Donald Trump over attacking the Hispanic heritage of the judge overseeing the Trump University lawsuit. Wow. That warm fuzzy relationship lasted about as long as one of Taylor Swift’s.
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Friday was National Donut Day. So guessing Donald Trump’s campaign had to survive 24 hours without Chris Christie.
Donald Trump is continuing to insist that there’s a conflict of interest to have Judge Gonzalo Curiel handing his Trump University case because Curiel, who is U.S. born, is of Mexican descent. At this point shouldn’t it be a conflict of interest to have anyone make a decision involving Trump if they have an IQ in triple digits?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bonds jokes, Delta jokes, goat jokes, muhammad ali jokes, Padres jokes, SFGiants jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 2, 2016
Lebron James called the 2014 San Antonio Spurs the best team he’d ever faced. After NBA Finals game 1, where Cleveland was beaten by the Golden State bench, looking like the Cavs couldn’t even come close to beating the 2016 Spurs.
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Some of these officiating delays in the #NBAFinals make you long for the quick decisions of #MLB instant replay. #sarcasm
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In the Barry Bonds days, no one wanted to leave their seat at home or in front of the TV when he was due up to bat. Not that he’s THAT good, but it’s beginning to feel the same way when you know Madison Bumgarner will have an AB. #anythingcanhappen #SFGiants #Pitcherswhorake
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SFGiants have a message for all #DH fans who say no one wants to watch a pitcher hit. #STFU #PitchersWhoRake #PitchersWhoReallyRake #Madbum
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Starbucks is teaming up with Anheuser-Busch for a bottled version of their “Teavana” tea. The product, however, won’t have any actual beer in it. Just like Bud Light.
A Crimson Tide coach, Bo Davis, resigned this spring over illegal contact with a recruit. But Nick Saban has been complaining about the Wolverines’ satellite camps. Jim Harbaugh’s Twitter response “‘Amazing’ to me – Alabama broke NCAA rules & now their HC is lecturing us on the possibility of rules being broken at camps. Truly ‘amazing.’
How much do we want to see Michigan-Alabama in college football now? #whatsyourdeal
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Jeffery Simmons, the 12th ranked DE recruit in the US, was arrested and charged with assault and disturbing the peace this March. A video showed him hitting a woman several times. Mississippi State said Simmons will be given a one-game suspension and allowed to play football, but with “conditions attached.”
The number one condition being that he play well on the field?
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Sad. Prince apparently died of a opiod overdose. So Jehovah’s Witnesses can’t have surgery, but they can drug themselves to death?
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Bernard Marcus, the founder of Home Depot, has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Presumably because he hopes Trump will need to shop at Home Depot to built that wall.
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Taylor Swift’s boyfriend of 15 month, Calvin Harris, apparently just broke up with HER. Well, at least the song should be different this time.
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The graduate student who fatally shot a UCLA professor had accused the professor of stealing his work. So yeah, what we need in a high-stress college environment is for all students and professors to be armed.
#sarcasm
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Paul Ryan said he’ll vote for Donald Trump in November. Did they legalize marijuana in Wisconsin and not tell us?
The AP reports that after Texas Gov. Greg Abbott dropped a state probe into Trump University, the Donald gave Abbott a $35,000 donation to his campaign. Five words: “Damn, I miss Molly Ivins.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, DH jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, NBA jokes, prince jokes, SFGiants jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
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May 25, 2016
Open note to SF Bay Area fans unused to this sort of thing — the #StanleyCup is not something you wear for protection from #DraymondGreen
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So who’d a thunk that at this point the #SJSharks would be looking better in the playoffs than the #GoldenState #Warriors?
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Watching Steph Curry this year in the playoffs reminds me now a bit of Chris Paul last year. Curry had that super-human effort his first game back, especially in overtime against the Blazers when he was supposed to be on a minutes count. Paul, who was also hurt, had a super-human effort to knock the Spurs out. But then he wasn’t the same afterwards.. Wonder if both games took it out of them long term.
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Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon apparently won over some Nationals hecklers who were taunting him about having two families, by joking that he actually has three. Well, or at least we THOUGHT he was joking.
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Major power outage Wednesday in downtown #Seattle. Normally this only happens to opposing teams’ hitters who come into town to face the #Mariners.
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Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker says on election day that he will vote, but “I just don’t plan to vote for president.”
Once again, such a profile in courage from one of these clowns who wants voters to elect him to make tough choices.
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Apparently after leaving office President Obama and his family are renting a $6.4 million dollar house in a nice DC neighborhood. Good thing they didn’t decide on relocating in San Francisco, for that price they’d have gotten about a two-bedroom apartment.
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Bills GM Doug Whaley said today he “used a poor choice of words” when he said yesterday that football was a game humans were not designed to play.
“Poor choice” indeed. He violated the #1 rule of NFL ownership: “Thou shalt not be honest.”
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Frontier Airlines removed a woman from one of their planes in Denver before takeoff when she threw a tantrum and then stripped naked. This would not have happened on United. They would have charged the other passengers an entertainment fee.
Texas, Alabama, Wisconsin, West Virginia, Tennessee, Maine, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Utah and Georgia are suing the Obama administration over their new transgender school directive. So good to know those states have no more serious problems to spend their tax dollars on….
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In South Carolina, Gov. Nikki Haley signed a bill into law on that makes abortions illegal after 20 weeks unless the mother’s life is in jeopardy. Just guessing, if you’re a wealthy woman in the state needing an abortion, won’t be hard to afford a doctor to say that your life is in jeopardy.
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TC reminds us “The NFL Pro Bowl will be moving to Orlando from Honolulu this year. Wallet Disney World, get ready for a true Mickey Mouse operation to compete for your Florida tourist dollars.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: colon jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Sharks jokes, Stanley Cup jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 21, 2016
Today was the #Preakness. Otherwise known to millions as the race that answers the question. “Do we care about the #Belmont this year?”
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#Exaggerator wins the #Preakness. Hope this isn’t an omen about #DonaldTrump
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Saturday’s rainy #Preakness Stakes had almost as much mud flying around as the Presidential race.
Now that #Exaggerator has won the #Preakness is he telling other horses about the #Belmont and his potential #TripleCrown win?
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While the Preakness was a good race, the sad story at Pimlico was that two other horse died earlier at the track today, one from a heart attack after winning a race, one after falling and breaking her leg. But wonder how many people are decrying horse racing while taking another bite of their hamburger or hot dog.
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The Oklahoma legislature is calling for the impeachment of President Obama over his bathroom rights directive, which they say is “biblically wrong.” Fine then, if it’s all about morals, shouldn’t they also be trying to get that “I’m just a girl who can’t say no” song out of their state musical? #OklahomanotOK
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Apparently some Americans are rethinking travel to Europe in the wake of 66 people being killed in the Egypt Air crash. So they’ll stay home and drive this summer, where about 3,000 of us will get killed each month on the roads.
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Another day, more plumbing issues at O.co Coliseum before #As #Yankees game. Insert “sh*tty baseball teams” joke here”:
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A Willie Mays 1952 Topps rookie card just sold for $478,000 at auction. And millions of men thinking of their own childhood collections are silently screaming “Mom!!”
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Have many wonderful #Cubs fan friends. For some reason they are a little quieter today than yesterday. #SFGiants
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Matt Cain, who hadn’t had a win since last July, had his first win for the #SFGiants in 2016, along with his first hit, a two-run double. And the Giants hung on to win 5-3 So clearly the way Cain needs to win is simply supply his own RBIs.
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Although closer Santiago Casilla, who gave up a home run to start the 9th in a a 5-2 game, once again did his best to stimulate alcohol sales around the San Francisco Bay Area. #Torture #SFGiants
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In Santiago, two zoo lions were shot and killed after they mauled a man who jumped into their enclosure. Poor cats. And what a shame. Deprived the guy of a Darwin and the zoo of a reduced food bill.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, belmont jokes, Cubs jokes, exaggerator jokes, Janice Hough, oklahoma jokes, Preakness jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 19, 2016
It’s a strange world when the U.S. Presidential candidate who has been married three times and had countless affairs is attacking the marriage of the one who has been with the same spouse for 41 years.
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Evil thought for the night, when is someone going to ask Trump if he’s been faithful to Melania?
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Two people are recovering in Augusta, Kansas, after a shooting during a high school graduation. The “shooter” had his gun in his sock, it apparently went off accidentally when he was adjusting the weapon because it was uncomfortable. #ifonlythestudentswerearmed
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Just think, had their offers been accepted #SFGiants could have both #PabloSandoval & #ZackGreinke on this year’s payroll.
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After two complete games back to back for the SF Giants pitching staff, Jeff Samardzija goes 8 innings allowing only 1 earned run. Wimp.
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#SFGiants bullpen pitchers are a competitive group. So no doubt they are keeping focused – wonder who’s the current Angry Birds champion?
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Two SF Giants, Lopez and Span, will be serving as baristas for an hour at two Peet’s coffee locations in San Francisco on June 7. Of course, this being the high-tech community no doubt some customers will only wonder “how fast can they serve coffee?
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When the Braves fired manager Fredi Gonzalez, he found out about it mid-road trip, via an email saying he had a flight back to Atlanta the next day. Sounds like the team handled the firing about as well as they’ve handled everything else this season.
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A new poll found that 90% of Native Americans aren’t offended by the Washington Redskins’ nickname. 90% of Washingtonians, however, are offended by the team’s sh*tty play.
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#MorleySafer 84, has died. Sad. He only lasted about 60 minutes after retirement.
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Donald Trump will use lawyer A.B. Culvahouse Jr to vet his V.P. picks, the same lawyer who vetted options for John McCain in 2008. And that worked out so well….
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Donald Trump, quick to condemn the Egypt Air crash as another terrorist attack. Seems likely. But “airplane departed from Paris. When will we get tough, smart and vigilant?”
So now Trump is going to tell these other countries he insults how to run their security?
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A lawsuit claims that Facebook illegally scans private messages for marketing purposes. And this is news how? #therearenoprivatemessages
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The Oklahoma legislature has passed that would make performing an abortion, except to save the life of the mother, a felony.
Well, at least the way the Thunder played last night doesn’t look like sports fans will have to worry much longer about spending money in the state this spring.
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Well, it’s good to see Marco Rubio back working hard in the Senate. The Florida Legislature wants a new statue, replacing one of a Confederate Army general, at the U.S. Capitol building. And Rubio tweeted out ““Here’s suggestion for #Florida which looking 4 help replacing state statue in U.S. Capitol.” With a picture of Tim Tebow. #priorities
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From T.C. “Texas second baseman Rougned Odor was handed an eight game suspension for his part in the brawl vs the Blue Jays. This will give him enough time to sign an endorsement contract with Hawaiian Punch.
Not to be outdone, look for Jose Baustista to sign a contract with Odor Eaters.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, gun jokes, Janice Hough, morley safer jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 17, 2016
Golden State Warriors not happy about a non-traveling call on #Westbrook. And refs are thinking “Calling traveling on a superstar? How quaint.”
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And the Spurs went from thinking at halftime with the Golden State-Oklahoma City game- “How did we ever lose to this team? to “Maybe it’s not just that we’re old.”
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Beginning to think it’s just possible that Billy Donovan is a very good coach.
#SFGiants are on the road but #Westbrook‘s postgame outfit would fit right in at #ATTPark. Trying to challenge #OrangeandBlack attack?
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Tim Lincecum reportedly signing with Angels. So maybe at this point in his career #Timmy doesn’t want to deal with any more playoff pressure?
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Biggest disappointment for MLB after yesterday’s brawl – unless Toronto gets hot and makes the playoffs, the Blue Jays and Rangers won’t play again in 2016. #ratings
This weekend’s series between the SF Giants and Chicago Cubs opens up with Jake Peavy vs. Jake Arrieta. Well, after Peavy’s good start in Arizona, there’s only a little more than 6 runs difference in their ERA. (7.43 to 1.29)
Hope the Giants have a good stock of beer at AT&T Park.
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Meanwhile, at the Atlanta Falcons’ new stadium, the team will offer some of the lowest concession prices in sports, with a hot dog being only $2 and a beer being $5. Maybe the SF 49ers should consider a similar idea, especially on the beer. Seems like fans are going to need it.
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EasyJet is bankrolling newly invented “Sneakairs”, which are shoes that connect to a smartphone via Bluetooth and vibrate to tell the wearer which way to turn. The airline hopes to sell them on board.
Just what we need, instead of looking at their phones, tourists will run into things because they are fascinated by their shoes.
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John Kasich said he is “not inclined” to serve as Donald Trump’s running mate. Hmm, what’s next, the Ohio governor saying he’s “1,000 percent against it?”
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Trump calls Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” Maybe a bit of a “glass houses” insult coming from someone who wears a beaver pelt on his head?
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The NY Times reports that Donald Trump plans to bring up Bill Clinton’s infidelities in the campaign. Because a real man would have married at least one of the younger women he had affairs with?
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Ralph Nader is now complaining that Hillary Clinton is going to win the Democratic primary “by dictatorship’ Because Nader hasn’t done enough for moderates and liberals this century already? #unsafeatanyspeed
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Rangers’ 2B Rougned Odor says he doesn’t regret punching Jose Bautista, but expects a suspension. And who knows, maybe an offer from more than one NFL team.
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Mark Sanchez just underwent surgery on his left thumb and will miss the the start of offseason training activities. Apparently a weight room injury. Butt, how did he fumble into this one?
RIP Dick McAuliffe. Damn. For the uninitiated, especially my SF Giants fan friends, consider him the Joe Panik or Robby Thompson of the 1968 World Champion Detroit Tigers. #youneverforgetyourfirstlove.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Odor jokes, pocahontas jokes, SFGiants jokes, Thunder jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 7, 2016
Nyquist wins the Kentucky Derby. Hope confused fans don’t start throwing octopuses at him.
(Non-hockey fans, google “Red Wings” and “octopus.”)
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Waiting for conservatives to complain the Kentucky Derby glorifies athletes who will succeed, then go have lots of out-of-wedlock children.
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Hard to imagine sometimes we once had #KentuckyDerby telecasts without Tara Lipinski & Johnny Weir. #matchmadeinheaven?
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So many private jets at the #KentuckyDerby you’d think it was the GOP national convention.
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#Walmart says it is bringing back its “customer hosts” at the door. #MakeAmericaGreetAgain?
Who’d a thunk that #BartoloColon would be certain to end the 2016 season with more home runs than #PabloSandoval?
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SF Giants have not said publicly if they have made an offer to Tim Lincecum. Of course, the way Cain and Peavy have been pitching, and now today’s game ending in the 13th, they may sign him only if he can start Monday.
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Matt Duffy gets a walkoff hit in the 13th, as the Giants game finished 2 minutes before the NBA Western Conference semi-finals, thereby sparing millions of SF sports fans by minutes of having to decide between the SFGiants and the Warriors.
The Cubs in 2016 have a +101 run differential. To put this in perspective, the Yankees in 2016 have SCORED 100 runs.
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A American Airlines commuter flight was delayed two hours because a University of Pennsylvania math professor was working on a differential equation, and a woman passenger thought he might be “a terrorist because he was writing strange things on a piece of paper.”
The professor, who is Italian, was questioned and the “allegations were found to be non-credible.” #cantfixstupid
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Lauryn Hill was booed by fans in Atlanta after she showed up 2 hours late for a concert. She blamed it on her driver getting lost Gosh, if only someone could think of an invention to solve that kind of problem..
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At a high school outside of Boston, someone hacked selfies that girls sent to their boyfriends, and apparently created some additional fakes, then posted up to 50 pictures on Dropbox. Once again, so thankful to have grown up in a pre-social media age.
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Almost worth putting Elizabeth Warren on the Democratic ticket just for her comebacks. This tweet after Donald Trump said he was “driving her nuts “No, @realDonaldTrump – your racism, sexism & xenophobia doesn’t drive me nuts. It makes me sick. And I’m not alone”
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Trump is attacking Hillary over Bill’s extra-marital affairs “She’s married to a man that got impeached for lying.” Right, and the Donald would never have lied to the American people. Only Ivanka, and Marla, and…..?’
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bartolo Colon jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, math jokes, nyquist jokes, SFGiants jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
May 5, 2016
An 8-1 shot in the #KentuckyDerby is a horse named “#Exaggerator .” Waiting for #DonaldTrump to sue for copyright infringement.
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The next GOP primary is in Nebraska. With Ted Cruz having dropped out at least Carly Fiorina doesn’t have to spend time researching a horse that comes from the Cornhusker state, so she can say she’s rooting for him in the Kentucky Derby.
SF Giants reliever Vin Mazzaro May 2, 2 outs, 1 hit, 0 earned runs and a win relieving Johnny Cueto. May 5, relieving Matt Cain, Mazzaro got 1 out, with six hits and 9 earned runs #Baseballisacruelgame #SFGiants
With each pitch #timlincecum‘s asking price is going up. #SFGiants
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The Dodgers have suspended SS Erisbel Arruebarrena for the remainder of the season “for his repeated failure to comply with the terms of his contract.” Well, that and for hitting .182. #teamsdontsuspendsuperstars
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Apparently some Hawks players were upset that the Cavaliers, including bench players, kept shooting 3-point shots to set the all-time NBA record last night – (25) with the game not even close. Here’s a hint to Atlanta, don’t want a team to set a 3-point shooting record against you? Start playing defense.
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A recently published PennLive story says former coach Joe Paterno allegedly was told about accused child sexual abuse Jerry Sandusky in 1976. Guessing that Paterno statue that was temporarily removed from its place on campus going to stay in its hidden “secure location.”
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In Hong Kong, KFC is introducing edible nail polish that supposedly tastes like chicken. WTF? KFC’s fried chicken doesn’t really actually taste like chicken.
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John McCain says that Donald Trump’s heading the GOP ticket could make the Senate’s re-election bid “the race of my life,” because of how unpopular Trump is with Hispanics.
Yeah, it’s a real bummer when a loose cannon on the Presidential ticket threatens the party’s candidates in state races.
Mean bitch karma for yet another win.
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A bodyguard who was fired by Kanye West for allegedly trying to hit on Kim Kardashian says he didn’t do anything wrong and that Kanye is ‘the most self-absorbed person’ he’s ever met. Hmm, another potential running mate for Trump?
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Open note to @realDonaldTrump on your running mate pick – @SarahPalinUSA is available. Love, all U.S. comedy writers.
Donald Trump tweeted on Thursday. “Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”
#wrongonsomanylevels #guessheswritingoffcaliforniatexasandarizona
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Paul Ryan “I’m just not ready to do that (support Donald Trump) at this point, I’m not there right now, and I hope to, though, and I want to, but I think what is required is that we unify this party.”
Waiting for one of these wimps to say, “You know what. Screw it. I’m voting for Hillary but support your local GOP candidates. We can survive four more Clinton years with a Republican House and Senate.”
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Johnny Manziel, who is out on bail, has been ordered by a Texas judge to have no contact at all with his former girlfriend. And we all know how well Manziel follows instructions.
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Police in Arizona have decided to drop felony charges against a high school football player who exposed his penis in a yearbook picture “on a dare,” The relieved kid told a local reporter “God is on my side and I’m blessed [by] everything that’s happened from the support side.”
Uh, it’s Arizona. He shouldn’t be thanking God, but rather the fact he’s a white, heterosexual football player.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Arizona jokes, Cavaliers jokes, Cinco de Mayo jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, McCain jokes, Paterno jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 2, 2016
If you had to say one good thing about NBA refs it’s that they make you appreciate MLB umpires.
Well this ought to do wonders for those who say #NBA games are fixed. #offensivefoul #OKCvsSAS #Spurs
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Not saying Ginoboli got hacked on that inbound at the end of the Oklahoma City -San Antonio game, but 7 of 10 NFL refs might have called a penalty.
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In Cincinnati, Johnny Cueto got a nice ovation from #Reds fans just by showing up. He didn’t have to thank them by pitching batting practice in the 3rd #SFGiants
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Although, while Cueto did give up six runs, he also got a couple RBI’s. The #SFGiants are leading baseball with pitchers with hits and RBI’s. 11 each. #wedontneednostinkingDH #Pitcherswhorake
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A marijuana dispensary is apparently interested in taking over the naming rights for the Denver Broncos’ Sports Authority stadium. Leaving aside the Mile High jokes, this could really be a great marketing partnership for Peyton Manning’s Papa John’s pizza.
Pablo Sandoval has had shoulder surgery and will miss the rest of the 2016 season. Maybe to improve the Panda’s chances in 2017 the Red Sox will request a two-handed sling that makes it impossible for him to hold a fork?
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Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Bob Dylan and Roger Waters all posted on social media with an apparent tease for a mega concert this October. Shocking! All those old farts know how to use social media?
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Sports Authority is liquidating all its stores. Sports Authority still had stores?
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Ted Cruz on the campaign trail “we will not give into evil….” This is the man who put Carly Fiorina on his ticket?
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Carly Fiorina felt off a stage at a Cruz rally today. As opposed to Cruz’s campaign itself, which seems to have fallen off a cliff.
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Really? Now, I know there is no love lost between ESPN and Curt Schilling, and Schilling was an idiot to keep posting incendiary stuff after his employers told him to stop. But now the network aired an “30 for 30” about the Red Sox miracle ALCS comeback in 2004 against the Yankees and cut out the “bloody sock” game.
What are we, folks, ten year old boys?
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Turing Pharmaceuticals, Martin Shkreli’s former company, which raised the price of an AIDS drug 5,000% has been sued for breach of contract by the company that let it sell the drug in the first place.
Not sure which lawyers Turing might get for their defense – maybe some who find the Cruz campaign too warm and fuzzy?
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Old Navy is now getting heat from internet trolls over an ad featuring an interracial family. Ok, now as misguided as these folks are who are against transgenders in bathrooms over the fear factor, who exactly do they expect an interracial family to hurt?
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While we’re at it, assume none of these anti-interracial family trolls are sports fans….particularly of the NBA – Tony Parker, Klay Thompson, Blake Griffin…. for starters. And then there’s Derek Jeter.
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Donald Trump is criticizing Hillary Clinton for her “off the reservation” comment, saying “If I made that statement about women, then there’d be front page headlines I think it’s a very nasty statement to men…”
I think even the pot and the kettle are both giggling.
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Four Auburn sophomore football players were arrested on misdemeanor marijuana charges last weekend, three who were reserves, and one, Carlton Davis III, who was a freshman All-American. Coach Gus Malzahn said “we will handle the matter appropriately.
Translation, the three reserves might be suspended for Auburn’s opener against Clemson, and Davis III might be suspended for the Tigers’ second game against Arkansas State.
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We Americans love underdogs. So we can happily congratulate #Leicester on a great Premier League championship. Without ever watching a soccer game.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #offensivefoul, Carly Fiorina jokes, Cruz jokes, cueto jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 23, 2016
So if it’s a felony to use a bathroom that isn’t your birth gender’s then I and a lot of women who have gotten impatient at sporting events and restaurants etc.are multiple felons.
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#SFGiants get big win, #Duffy gets 3 hits on his bobblehead night. Imagine what they could do with #Skeeter bobblehead night. #duffcat35
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Gregor #Blanco in one game has become #SFGiants leader in triples. #baseballisaweirdgame
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#SFGiants #PitchersWhoRake #wedontneednostinkinDH Peavy joins the party tonight. A friend pointed out that SF Giants pitchers have as many hits – nine – as Albert Pujols.
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So as the NBA considers outlawing the “hack” strategy of intentionally fouling bad free-throw shooters, here’s another idea: Why doesn’t the league require anyone shooting under 50-60% percent from the line to start shooting free throws underhanded?
Apparently NHL postseason viewership is down nearly two-thirds across Canada since no Canadian teams are in the playoffs. And in the U.S. many sports fans are going “the NHL is having playoffs?
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ESPN reported that after the University of Miami’s spring game last week, Hurricanes coach Mark Richt urged his players to help each other stay out of trouble and avoid negative headlines. Today the team suspended RB Mark Walton for a DUI arrest last night. Imagine what he might have done without the warning.
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Marco Rubio now says he’s going to return to the “private sector,” and as to politics “we’ll see if God offers us another opportunity in the future.” And God is thinking “Uh, let’s see, I gave you looks, charm, endorsements and weak competition the first time.. what more do you want?”
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Really? And we wonder why politics are so negative. The U.S. Labor Secretary apparently was one of the DOJ officials involved in mishandling a police shooting case after Katrina that led to the cops’ original conviction being overturned. Fair enough. But the Daily News headline “Hillary Clinton’s potential veep pick, U.S. Labor Secretary Thomas Perez, caught up in bungled case…. “#shehasntevenpickedanyoneyet
Leaving insulting no ethnic group unturned, Trump in a speech yesterday went after outsourcing and used a fake Indian accent in talking about credit card call centers. Some might wonder why he didn’t use the far more annoying airline call center, but of course Trump has never needed to call a commercial airline.
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Hell freezes over alert: Charles Koch,today said Hillary Clinton might make a better president than the candidates in the Republican field. So is this Koch’s way of saying, “I’m rich, conservative but not bat-shit crazy?”
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Regarding Curt Schilling’s mouthing off Twitter and subsequent firing, from Marc Ragovin “Guess ESPN told him to put a bloody sock in it.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: football jokes, hockey jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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April 12, 2016
Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in #MLB are a combined 14-2. #Orioles #SFGiants
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#BusterPosey might be googling #WallyPipp on his phone about now. #TrevorBrown #SFGiants
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#BruceBochy said before Monday’s #SFGiants #Rockies game he’d like #TrevorBrown to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is #Brown taking him seriously?
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#Dodgers payroll over $253,000,000. Now #MagicJohnson was 1 of greatest ever #NBA players. But did anyone tell him #MLB teams need something called a bullpen?
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Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.
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Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”
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Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.
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John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”
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Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?
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The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
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Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. #bustohell
Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.
And btw, who says the Spurs are boring? Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS. https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trevor Brown jokes, Trump jokes, xhamsterjokes
Comments: 6 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 
As a British Studies major once upon a time, have to note that JD in PA reminds us .”Anyone who had a Shakespeare course in college could tell you that “Bend it like Richard III” should work on at least two levels.#leicesterjokes”