Archive for the ‘basketball jokes’ category

Raining cats and dogs.

March 16, 2018

Ah, March, when you become irrationally happy over Houston Cougars win & you only picked them because you have a cat bracket

Although those who were crazy enough to do dog brackets have to be feeling pretty happy.  #UMBC  #Retrievers

 

Arizona loss last night was one of more embarrassing in recent #MarchMadness history. Virginia – “hold our beer.”

And many Virginians thought the most embarrassing thing that could happen to state was toppling of some of their Civil War heroes’ statues? #MarchMadness#UMBC #UVA

Should the Harlem Globetrotters be worried in their next game against Washington Generals?

The 1998 Stanford Women’s Basketball Team gladly gave up their crown of thorns tonight. #MarchMadness #Stanford #Harvard #UMBC #UVA

Meanwhile, as far as avoiding jokes and headlines, the Warriors picked a really good night to lose to the Sacramento Kings.

Over-under on number of  “Shocker” headlines?

Astros signed Jose Altuve to 5-year, $151 million extension. So Jose will be able to take his family to Disneyland. Even if he still isn’t tall enough to ride all the rides.

 

Trump fires McCabe about 24 hours before he is to collect full pension. Well this ought to get FBI even more on @POTUS side.

O.J. Simpson on Colin Kaepernick’s taking a knee – he “made a mistake.” And @TheOnion is going, again, we give up.

With all these courageous young people marching and speaking out how long until GOP Congress raises the legal age required… to vote?

Donald Trump apparently tried to convince Vanessa not to leave his son. Because Jared was too busy mediating peace in the Mideast?

Jeff Flake says GOP might “might not be fit to lead… if we are going to cloister ourselves in the alternative truth of an erratic leader.” OK, could he actually start by voting against said “erratic leader” sometimes?

Trump fires McCabe about 24 hours before he is to collect full pension. Well this ought to get FBI even more on @POTUS side.

When @realDonaldTrump said he was going to “drain the swamp” he didn’t tell us he planned to refill it as a toxic waste dump.

Such a small thing in grand scheme of it all… but is it too much to ask for a US President  who knows basic grammar? “It would be great for the Republican Party of Nevada, and it’s unity….”

Just wondering, if @POTUS who could shoot someone in middle of 5th Ave and not lose supporters is so worried about Stormy Daniels, what the heck does she have on him?

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Following the tainted money?

September 26, 2017

FBI says sting found multiple bribes, payouts involving Arizona, Auburn, Oklahoma State & USC. There’s corruption in NCAA basketball, I’m shocked.

Meanwhile, at Louisville, men’s basketball coach Rick Pitino expressed “complete shock” that his university is also involved in the investigation.

Pitino is shocked?  He’s like the guy overseeing gambling in Casablanca.

Auburn & USC are two of schools snared in NCAA men’s basketball sting. Tigers & Trojans fans are just glad it wasn’t their football teams.

 

Ah for the days when #SFGiants really and truly sucking in 2017 would have been one of things folks in Bay Area were most upset about.

If we got rid of national anthem before sporting events could eliminate controversy AND shorten game times. #winwin

Peyton Manning reportedly a “possible” 2018 candidate for U.S. Senate. Will his campaign be sponsored by Budweiser and Papa John’s?

Repeal of Obamacare will not come to a vote. So officially dead, again. For now. Forget Trumpcare we should call this GOP mess Zombiecare

AG Sessions gave a talk on free speech at Georgetown. Protesters were banned from the speech. #WhyThereIsNoSatire

 

Reportedly Khloe Kardashian is pregnant with  Cavs’ Tristan Thompson’s baby. Odds just went up  for Warriors to be disinvited again as champions  in 2019 by White House.

So Twitter is going to 280 characters? Waiting for the Trump tweet taking credit.

Trump couldn’t get Hurricane Relief to Puerto Rico as “it’s an island.” Somehow 1 of those athletes he trashes, Tim Duncan made it to USVI.

Trump on Puerto Rico- “It’s very tough because it’s an island.” Hawaiians praying they never need federal help while he’s in office. #WTF?

 –

New poll of 2,200 Americans found 54% knew Puerto Ricans are US citizens. Would love to see same folks polled about Hawaiians.

Maybe it would be simpler to learn who in the Trump White House HASN’T used personal email for government business?

In Palm Beach Gardens, a woman was arrested allegedly for trying to run down her lover with her Mercedes.   Her intended victim happened to be her daughter’s husband. She told police he had recently told his wife about the affair, and the “revelation ruined her relationship with her daughter.”
Back on your game, Florida.

From Marc Ragovin  “So it looks like Trump will no longer invite nfl or nba teams to White House celebrations. “That is really gonna affect our plans,” said nobody on the Knicks.”

 

It’s not easy being green

May 8, 2017

Draymond Green complaining on watching Eastern Conf. playoffs “I thought teams would compete a little harder.” On the eve of the Warriors being about to sweep.

More Draymond Green complaining  – saying this morning that Kelly Olynyk is a “dirty player.” Well, he should be an expert on the subject.

Baseball is supposed to be fun, right? @SFGiants

The grounds crew had to clean up hail from Coors Field before tonight’s Rockies-Cubs game. Now it’s hail? After last night’s 18 inning loss,. Cubs at this point have to next be expecting a plague of locusts.

Tim Tebow signed a contract extension with ESPN as a college football analyst. This apparently doesn’t affect Tebow’s minor league deal with the Mets. And even if Tebow gets called up, not like the Mets will be playing into the fall anyway.

New York Jets WR Robby Anderson was apparently arrested for felony “resisting arrest with violence” and an obstruction of justice charge Sunday at a Miami musical festival. Once again, the NFL trying to take NY headlines from the Mets?

Conflicting stories over if giant rabbit Simon died on United flight from London or if he was frozen upon landing. Somebunny’s going to pay.

Only way mystery of giant bunny’s death in care of United Airlines could be any more bizarre was if rabbit was named Roger.

Has there ever been a person who stood up to Trump who he didn’t attack personally afterwards? #SallyYates

Republicans talking about a witch hunt may be distracted by their tall black hats flopping in their faces.

Major tweet-storm from @realDonaldTrump on today’s hearings with #SallyYates Seems like someone is veddy veddy angry.

Twitter is down. Apparently Trump changing his profile header picture to a denial that he had any connections with Russia broke the internet.

So it’s Obama’s fault Flynn had security clearance in 1st place, but not his credit for warning Trump not to hire him? #WTF #Trumplogic

Well, of course it’s Obama’s fault that Trump hired Flynn. A real leader would have communicated the warning by Twitter.

What’s the mystery why Trump hired his NSA despite so many warnings? Not hiring Flynn would admit someone knew more than him.

Reminder today of why #LindseyGraham said “If you killed Ted #Cruz on floor of Senate & the trial was in Senate, nobody would convict you.”

From Marc Ragovin   “Former New York Rangers radio announcer Howie Rose on the French election: Macron!, Macron!, Macron!”

Come-y on

May 3, 2017

Mildly nauseous” has now become a pre-existing condition for millions of Americans.

Should be no place for racial hatred at Fenway Park. Real Red Sox fans know that all hateful comments should be directed at the Yankees.

 

Twenty-one airlines, one-third of the carriers who use the airport, are moving terminals at Los Angeles International,  on May 12-14-16. Good thing LAX is usually a such a calm experience. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong

Lebron James, angry w/ beer company sending marketing tweet when he picked up bottle during game, indicates he’s a wine guy. Right, spelled w/ an H.

A travel story headline on Miami rooftop bars “because you didn’t come to Miami to stay indoors.”  Clearly written by someone who’s never been in FL summers.

A Florida judge called out USF football coach Charlie Strong after a player was charged with “sexual battery and false imprisonment” less than two months after another was charged with aggravated assault. In Strong’s defense is he just showing he’s ready to coach an NFL team?

Anyone outside of hardcore Spurs & Washington Huskies fans heard of Dejounte Murray? You’re probably about to. #GoSpursGo #TonyParker

Wouldn’t it be fun if Queen had just decided to troll Trump by making sure that #BuckinghamPalace had early morning headlines for a change?

Think Trump might start caring about climate change if we could convince him it might damage his golf courses?

Trump apparently will sign an Executive Order defending “religious liberty” as reason for discrimination. Calling all wiccans!

So women who practice the Goddess religion will no longer be required to serve men? #LicensetoDiscriminate

Just because we don’t like to hear Hillary Clinton make excuses doesn’t mean she’s wrong.

 

Many complaining about Hillary’s election excuses were fine supporting a man who even wouldn’t promise to accept results if he lost.

 

Trump says he will work as “mediator, an arbitrator or a facilitator” to broker peace between Israelis and Palestinians.  Two months from now “who knew that the Mideast could be so complicated?”

Would #FireColbert be getting less traction with conservatives if Stephen excused his anti-Trump rant as locker room banter?

Many complaining about Hillary’s election excuses were fine supporting a man who even wouldn’t promise to accept results if he lost.

Out of here.

April 30, 2017

So in the end for basketball fans in Los Angeles what was the difference between the Lakers and the Clippers?

About two weeks.

(And the Lakers probably have a lottery pick.)

A friend pointed out the Nationals have scored 77 runs this week. The Giants have scored 86 runs this year.

And the Nationals haven’t yet faced the Giants bullpen.

Thought Anthony Rendon got more RBI’s today SFGiants had in series against Padres.

Different names, same bullpen. #SFGiants

Think @SFGiants at this point can sign Crash Davis to get them a rainout tomorrow?  #bulldurham

The Braves’ Freddie Freeman, tired of playing at Miller Park, referred to it as a “Little League field.” Guessing Freeman is never signing a free-agent deal with the Rockies.

Meanwhile the Mets are making New York fans look forward to Jets training camp.


Clippers disappointed their fans today, but saved them from humiliation against Warriors.

But wasn’t this Game 7 between Clippers and Jazz sort of like final Christians matchup before facing the Lions?

#Bills fire their GM two days AFTER 2017 NFL draft. #WTF? Another example why Buffalo franchise has been so successful over the years.

I suppose i get it -$400,000 speeches by Obama make some people on both sides  uncomfortable. But how come we didn’t see this level of  complaints w/ ex-white presidents.  And vice-presidents.  And New York mayors? Etc.

Trump on Kim Jong-Un “People are saying, ‘Is he sane?’ I have no idea,” Ironically, that’s a question rest of world is asking the US.

Trump tweets “Democrats, without a leader, have become the party of obstruction.” Justice Merrick Garland would disagree.

Trump on Trumpcare 2.0  “Pre-existing conditions are in the bill. I mandate it. Has to be.”  Right,  no mention of potential costs of such policies.   Spoken like a man who only got a little $1 million loan from dad.

Reince Preibus -“Changing libel laws “is something that we’ve looked at.” Would it help 1st amendment if media used 2nd? #ifonlytheywerearmed

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte, who once called Obama “a son of a whore,” and who said “Hitler massacred three million Jews… there’s three million drug addicts. I’d be happy to slaughter them,” has been invited by Trump for a White House meeting. #heseemsnice

8 shot, some critically, at apartment pool in La Jolla. Shooter reportedly “a white man in brown shorts.” Move along, nothing to see here.

Bad seed?

April 20, 2017

The Predators are the 1st #8 seed ever in pro sports to sweep #1 seed.  So will someone in Nashville at least write a country song about the Chicago Blackhawks?

 

The Indiana Pacers blew a 26 point lead to the Cleveland Cavaliers in game 3 of their playoff series tonight.  Wonder if they got sympathy call from the Atlanta Falcons.

One of the NFL London games this year will be Browns vs Vikings. Yet again, US disrespects Britain in not sending over professional teams.

SFGiants were off today. Which means their left fielders got about  as many base hits as on a game day.

QB DeShone Kizer, on his future in the NFL “Imagine taking Brady’s intellect and Brady’s preparation and putting it on a guy with Cam Newton’s body. Why can’t I be the greatest?”
Well, just maybe you might be held back by that 10 cent head?

LB Reuben Foster from Alabama said today that at the NFL combine he tested positive for a diluted urine sample, which is considered a positive test of the league’s substance abuse policy.
Foster said it was because he was trying to rehydrate himself after getting food poisoning.
Just once want to hear someone say, “I got caught, I’m sorry.”

Actually if Berkeley protesters really want to upset AnnCoulter the thing to do is IGNORE HER.

US is now trying to arrest Julian Assange. Well, sure, now that Wikileaks has served its purpose with Hillary.

Trump just called #Pavarotti “a good friend of mine.” This Presidency is turning into a Monty Python sketch. “Not dead, sleeping…”

Just wondering, would Trump be quite as sanguine about North Korea potentially launching nuclear missile if he had homes on West Coast?

Attorney General Jeff Sessions “amazed judge on an island in Pacific” can stop Trump’s travel ban. Yeah, the foreign country where Obama was born #cantfixstupid

 

Just guessing that #JeffSessions doesn’t have any vacations in Hawaii planned?

CNN reports that Bill O’Reilly will be paid “tens of millions of dollars” as he exits Fox News because of a “sizable safety net” in his contract. So he’ll be able to settle his future sexual harassment lawsuits.

Mike Huckabee, during an interview complaining about the media: “You know there’s three things you can’t do. You can’t spit into the wind, you can’t climb a ladder leaning toward you or kiss a woman leaning away from you.”
Uh, sir, you are married. Why would you be talking about kissing women? #familyvalues

Happy St Patrick’s Day

March 16, 2017

My favorite toast.  May your troubles last as long as your perfect brackets.

Northwestern on when Vandy player mistakenly fouled on purpose to allow Wildcats to take lead on FTs. And Vanderbilt is supposed to be the SMART SEC team?

Anyone really chortling over Middle Tennessee bracket win should have to prove themselves by finding the school on a map.    Or simply naming the city where it is.

Or naming one player on the team.

Wonder how many people know where Xavier is for that matter, without Google.  (Hint, there are at least two in the U.S.  It’s not the one in New Orleans.)

SNL has decided to broadcast live even on West Coast for the remainder of the season. Who says Trump hasn’t accomplished anything? @Nbcsnl

Can someone explain to @realDonaldTrump that #MealsonWheels does not just refer to airline catering?

Trumpers are saying #BoycottHawaii Liberal Hawaii thinking “cool, this was easier than building a wall.”

Trump’s new budget proposes privatizing Air Traffic Control. Great, so we can bring the same efficiency and great management to ATC as they have at the airlines themselves. #WTF?

So Trump administration needs “evidence” to fund Meals on Wheels & school meals, but not to accuse Obama of wiretapping.

PBS cut completely in new #TrumpBudget. $445 million. But hey, what does US really need, Big Bird, or “Winter White House” at Mar-A-Lago?

There is a certain logic in cutting Sesame Street & Education. What’s the point in having children learn to read if you think it’s #FakeNews

Trump said last night in an interview he made the wiretapping claim because “Well, I’ve been reading about things,” And he cited among other things both a Fox News report and a NY Times article.
Yes, the NY Times. #FakeNews
Who needs solar, we could power the USA if someone could figure out how to harness head-spinning.

A tweet that appeared briefly on McDonald’s feed today “@RealDonaldTrump”You are actually a disgusting excuse of a President and we would love to have @BarackObama back, also you have tiny hands.”
The tweet was taken down after 20 minutes. And McDonald’s says they were hacked. Meanwhile, millions of liberal Americans actually thought about buying a Big Mac.

Budget director Mulvaney when asked about cutting after-school programs and school meals, said they weren’t worth taxing people to fund -“there’s no demonstrable evidence they’re actually helping results — helping kids do better in school.”
At least he didn’t say hungry kids are more focused. #SMH

 

Website asks “Prove your humanity” by answering “1 + 10 = ?” Suppose would be tacky to say some Trump voters think that’s tough question.

 

Trump direct quote in Nashville “And by the way, aren’t our borders getting extremely strong? … We’ve already experienced an unprecedented 40 % in illegal immigration on our southern border, 61% — 61% percent since Inauguration Day. 61% Think about it. And now people are saying we’re not going to go there anymore ’cause we can’t get in, so it’s going to get better and better.”
Well, okay then, so Trump wants us to believe him. Fine, let’s scrap the now unnecessary wall and put the funds back for social programs and the environment.