Posted tagged ‘NHL jokes’

The boys of almost summer?

June 1, 2017

(oops, this post was delayed. I blame Trump.)

 

By Thursday night, wonder how many casual sports fans will remember who’s playing in the NBA finals.

 

This eternal break before the NBA Finals is making many sports fans long for the excitement of Super Bowl week.

Michael Morse is now on the 7-day concussion DL after running into  Jeff Samardzija during Strickland Harper brawl. Now who’s complaining Posey stayed put?. @SFGiants

Adam Silver thinks LaVar Ball “will settle down” once his son, Lonzo is drafted. Right, like Trump was going to become “presidential.”

Prosecutors drop charges for man who threw catfish onto Pittsburgh ice in game of of the Stanley Cup Finals.  Now . Pirates want to interview him for bullpen

Southwest is testing a faster deplaning process that will allow passengers to leave the plane through both forward and rear doors. Wonder if United is testing a variation where they just throw you off along with your luggage?

In Wisconsin, the GOP wants to scrap required concealed carry permits, citing $40 fee & the training required as  hassles for gun-owners. These are the same legislature who  want to make it harder to vote.    WTF?

#Covfefe or not covfefe, that is the question.

Spicer on “covfefe”   -. “The president & a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” So “small group of people”=”voices inside his head?

Whatever #covfefe is we can be sure that it’s Obama’s fault. Or Hillary’s.

#KathyGriffin‘s stunt was disgusting. But so were all lynching images of President Obama. Condemnation if real should be bipartisan. Period.

So pulling out will be Donald Trump’s response to climate change? Alas, that’s his same response for women needing birth control.

Donald Trump Jr.  tweeting about Kathy Griffin’s tasteless attempt at a joke.  “And I’m counting down having to explain it to my 8 and 10 year olds who I’m sure will see/hear about it at school. “
Doesn’t sound fun. Kind of like trying to explain to the children that their grandfather wasn’t really trying to grab women’s kittens.

 

Trump tweeted “I will be announcing my decision on the Paris Accord Thursday at 3:00pm. The White House Rose Garden.  Make America Great Again.”

Someone has told this man the Presidency is not a reality TV show?

Reports of demise of  Blackberry phones have been greatly exaggerated. The new Keyone released today already sold out and on backorder.

Question of the day directed at Sean Spicer from a reporter: Obviously [Griffin’s] conduct has been widely condemned, and it’s not a partisan thing to say joking about violence toward the president is unacceptable. But on that note, I wanted to ask about Ted Nugent, who joked multiple times about assassinating President Barack Obama, who said Hillary Clinton should be hanged. He was invited to the White House for dinner by President Trump. Do you believe that was appropriate? And if Trump is offended by this incident, why was he not bothered by all of Mr. Nugent’s comments?”
Guess this is why Trump wants to eliminate press conferences.

 

Meanwhile…. back in sports. Lebron after someone spray-painted racial slurs on his house. “As I sit here on the eve of one of the greatest events we have in sports, race and what’s going on comes again.”On my behalf and my family’s behalf, I look at it like this: if this is going to shed a light and continue the conversation, then I’m OK with it, My family is safe, and that’s the most important. Just goes to show that racism will always be a part of the world, a part of America. Hate in America for African-Americans is living every day, even though it’s concealed most of the time.
Emmett Till’s mom, actually, one of the things I thought of, one of the reasons she had an open casket was so that people could see what he went through as a victim of a hate crime. No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough. We got a long way to go, for us as a society, and for us as African-Americans, until we feel equal in America.”

Icy hot.

May 25, 2017

What a shock to anyone who’s been watching the NBA playoffs.  Not only did the Senators-Penguins go 7 games, they were actually mostly good games.  Like much of the NHL playoffs. Close games…you can do that?

 

So once again, Canada doesn’t have a team in the Stanley Cup finals. But they still have Justin Trudeau. We in US might trade….

Former NBA player Rashad McCants said dating a Kardashian (Khloe) wrecked his NBA career. And other NBA players who’ve screwed up their lives with Kardashians are going “Who?”

 

A California woman is suing Jelly Belly, claiming she didn’t know their “sport” jelly beans. contain sugar. Once again, an illustration that Shakespeare was ahead of his time – ‘First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

And on another lighter note, a Florida woman was arrested for assaulting her ex by throwing pork fried rice at him. Hmm, maybe, not such a light note.  Fried rice can be heavy.

New White House motto. “If the President does it it’s not leaking?

Happy #NationalWineDay. Of course, since January 20, 2017, many Americans especially women consider EVERY day #NationalWineDay

 

US Appeals court in Richmond ruled against Trump’s revised travel ban Can’t wait to hear Sessions refer to Richmond as “island in Virginia.”

Starting to feel old. I remember when home runs didn’t have “launch angles.”

Major score in Trump insult bingo for those who had “all NATO countries.”

Trump standing next to Angela Merkel and lecturing European leaders: “You have thousands and thousands of people pouring into our various countries, and spreading throughout, and in many cases we have no idea who they are. The NATO of the future must include a great focus on terrorism and immigration,..”
Except the Manchester bomber was British-born….

If we’re worried about immigrants but also want immigrants & minorities to “report any suspicious activity” it seems to me we have a problem.

Will GOP take assault off list of reasons to deport immigrants? Because it’s clearly now okay if someone p*sses you off. #IOKIYR #Gianforte

 

Gianforte win is quite a change, usually candidates wait until after they are elected to get arrested.

National GOP Congressional Committee Chairman Steve Stivers “From what “From what I know of Greg Gianforte, this was totally out of character, but we all make mistakes.”
Well, guess since actual violence was involved Stivers couldn’t just call it “locker room banter.”

Home Depot co-founder Ken Langone “Hell, people use food stamps to buy marijuana — that’s illegal — or cocaine, or whatever the hell else people use to get high.”
Begging the question – “What is Langone smoking?”

If Gianforte wins & goes to DC instead of jail, can we somehow start intraparty fight between him & Ted Cruz.  Cruz? #payperview #passthepopcorn

 

From T.C.  Prez of Montenegro lucky he wasn’t Bodyslammed. They must have paid their NATO “dues”.

Bad seed?

April 20, 2017

The Predators are the 1st #8 seed ever in pro sports to sweep #1 seed.  So will someone in Nashville at least write a country song about the Chicago Blackhawks?

 

The Indiana Pacers blew a 26 point lead to the Cleveland Cavaliers in game 3 of their playoff series tonight.  Wonder if they got sympathy call from the Atlanta Falcons.

One of the NFL London games this year will be Browns vs Vikings. Yet again, US disrespects Britain in not sending over professional teams.

SFGiants were off today. Which means their left fielders got about  as many base hits as on a game day.

QB DeShone Kizer, on his future in the NFL “Imagine taking Brady’s intellect and Brady’s preparation and putting it on a guy with Cam Newton’s body. Why can’t I be the greatest?”
Well, just maybe you might be held back by that 10 cent head?

LB Reuben Foster from Alabama said today that at the NFL combine he tested positive for a diluted urine sample, which is considered a positive test of the league’s substance abuse policy.
Foster said it was because he was trying to rehydrate himself after getting food poisoning.
Just once want to hear someone say, “I got caught, I’m sorry.”

Actually if Berkeley protesters really want to upset AnnCoulter the thing to do is IGNORE HER.

US is now trying to arrest Julian Assange. Well, sure, now that Wikileaks has served its purpose with Hillary.

Trump just called #Pavarotti “a good friend of mine.” This Presidency is turning into a Monty Python sketch. “Not dead, sleeping…”

Just wondering, would Trump be quite as sanguine about North Korea potentially launching nuclear missile if he had homes on West Coast?

Attorney General Jeff Sessions “amazed judge on an island in Pacific” can stop Trump’s travel ban. Yeah, the foreign country where Obama was born #cantfixstupid

 

Just guessing that #JeffSessions doesn’t have any vacations in Hawaii planned?

CNN reports that Bill O’Reilly will be paid “tens of millions of dollars” as he exits Fox News because of a “sizable safety net” in his contract. So he’ll be able to settle his future sexual harassment lawsuits.

Mike Huckabee, during an interview complaining about the media: “You know there’s three things you can’t do. You can’t spit into the wind, you can’t climb a ladder leaning toward you or kiss a woman leaning away from you.”
Uh, sir, you are married. Why would you be talking about kissing women? #familyvalues

Reigning on a parade

June 22, 2016

During the Cavs victory parade Cleveland’s JR Smith held up a “2016 Election” sign with a check next to his game instead of Clinton or Trump. How silly. Smith couldn’t really win Ohio. King James on the other hand….

Bernie Sanders said today “”It doesn’t appear that I’m going to be the nominee.” In related news, the Thunder say it doesn’t appear they’re going to be the 2016 NBA Champions.

The NHL has approved an expansion team in Las Vegas. Well, this actually could be a major boon for the league. Americans love any sport when they can bet on it.

Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert today began a 15-month prison sentence for hiding money transactions. The money was allegedly hush money after his repeated sexual abuse of young boys.
“I feel so sorry for him”, said nobody.

 

New York City is going to start offering free sanitary napkins, pads and tampons at public facilities. Of course, the city had has no problem already with a full supply of douche bags.

‪#‎ESPNBodyIssue‬ coming out in July & MLB will be represented by ‪#‎JakeArrieta‬. What, no ‪#‎BartoloColon‬?

 

Democrats members staging ‪#‎NoBillNoBreak‬ sit-in on House floor to demand vote on gun control. Time for GoFundMe campaign for portapotties?

The ‪#‎GOP‬ is keeping ‪#‎CSpan‬ from televising the ‪#‎NoBillNoBreak‬ Democratic sit-in. So guns are not dangerous but cameras are?

 

As the ‪#‎NoBillNoBreak‬ sit-in continued, GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert approached the (literally) sitting members of Congress and yelled ‘Radical Islam!’ Hmm, if only the Democrats were armed.

 

#‎DustyBaker‬ bobblehead night at ‪#‎DodgerStadium‬. Nothing against Dusty, great ‪#‎SFGiants‬ manager. But a Dodger bobblehead? ‪#‎sacrilege‬

You know it’s a bad weather week in the U.S. when you have a friend in Arizona and another friend/client is traveling in Saudi Arabia. and you hear Ridayh is cooler than Phoenix.

Marco Rubio, who pledged he would not return to the Senate if he lost the GOP nomination, today announced his bid for re-election. Of course, given his continued absentee record maybe Marco just meant he won’t be returning to the Senate very often.

Burger King is now testing “Mac N’ Cheetos.” These are Cheetos-breaded deep-fried macaroni and cheese sticks. So you can order a Whopper and feel healthy by comparison?

Donald Trump today accused Hillary Clinton of being “an extension of Obama,”
And right about now most Americans would take that deal..

Trump today called Hillary Clinton a “world-class liar.” So was Trump himself lying in 2012 when he told Fox News ““Hillary Clinton I think is a terrific woman… I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her.”

Paul Ryan was asked today if he trusts Trump. He chuckled and said “it depends on the issue.” Hmm, would the Speaker care to give examples? Or would my friends and readers care to help him?

Not the Grey Cup either…

May 1, 2016

Toronto Raptors’ Kyle Lowry on today’s game 7. “This is like our Super Bowl, win or go home.” Uh, so maybe Lowry isn’t a big NFL fan, but has someone told him after the Super Bowl both teams go home?

 

The New York Yankees, at 8-15, are in the cellar of the AL East. No punchline, I just like writing it.

So wait a minute, there are no Canadian teams in the NHL playoffs but one in the NBA playoffs? Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.

The White House has put forward proposals to make it easier for federal, state and local agencies to buy “smart guns” that only operate for certain users. The NRA is of course against it, saying the concept is “unproven” and “causes us great concern”. Because of course nothing ever goes wrong now with stolen law enforcement guns. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Some are already grading this year’s NFL draft picks by team. Yep, the same experts who had this year’s Super Bowl between the Seahawks or Packers, and the Colts or the Patriots.

Congrats to ‪#‎MaliaObama‬ who will be attending ‪#‎Harvard‬. Wonder if that means she didn’t get into ‪#‎Stanford‬?

Donald Trump, going after Hillary last week called her “one of the all time great enablers.” Of course, Trump’s wives are never enablers, he just trades them in for younger models first.

Justin Bieber posted a picture of himself petting a tiger while the big cat was on a leash. Ok, be honest, how many other people were hoping for an equipment malfunction?

Another thought about this bathroom insanity. Something like 90% of children who are sexually abused, are abused by someone they know. So where are the fear mongers about friends and relatives taking children into bathrooms?

 

Talking with friends yesterday after the Correspondents dinner, mentioned that I once wrote a joke that made then Senator Obama laugh.   They suggested  I post it.

In 2007  was able to meet him briefly on a rope line.
Said, “Senator, people say you’re the rock star of the Democratic party, but you’re too young to be president. But I’m looking at these concert tours for the Who, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones. And thinking you’re plenty old enough to be President. But you are not old enough to be a rock star.”

(he not only laughed he said I might be right, and he had all their records.)

Hawk-ey nigt.

June 15, 2015

The Stanley Cup was late in arriving after the Blackhawks win tonight due to “weather issues.”. Rather appropriate for a team that plays in Chicago’s United Center.

But yeah, nothing says it’s time for the NHL’s Stanley Cup Final like summer thunderstorms.

 

 

You know you’re in San Francisco when…the best part of a really bad ‪#‎SFGiants‬ game is the gay marriage proposal. ‪#‎hesaidyes‬

 

As the last sections of ‪#Candlestickpark‬ come down, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are in the midst of one of their worst home losing streaks. Coincidence?

 

One of Aaron Hernandez’s lawyers says he has evidence that one of the jurors was “untruthful” during jury selection. Translation, Hernandez isn’t out of money yet.

It’s June 15. And if it seems like you can’t remember the NBA regular season…..well, that might be because it ended TWO MONTHS AGO today. ‪#‎stillnosignoflandhowlongisit‬

Considering how competitive Lebron James is making the NBA finals almost all by himself, it does make the Spurs’ 2014 performance all the more amazing since they beat James when he actually had a team, and two other stars, playing with him.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled not to see an AL All-Star team full of Yankees and Red Sox Players. But seven Royals starting? And fans can vote a maximum of 35 times per email address. Great to have World Series home advantage decided in part by a process with all the integrity of American Idol.

Pope Francis apparently will be issuing an encyclical on the environment saying that climate change is the Earth’s way of protesting “irresponsible use and abuse of the goods that God placed in her.” Waiting for some religious conservatives to respond “Yeah, well what does HE know?”

Jeb Bush’s campaign logo is going to read simply “Jeb!” Amazing, politicians come to power mostly because of their last names, and then do everything they can to hope we forget it.

So how long until Jeb Bush starts campaigning on avoiding a return to what he says are the failed policies of the Clinton era?

 

So regarding that Waldorf-Astoria wedding, apparently after the shooting hotel security cancelled the “million dollar” reception because the gun had not been found, and because two of their employees had been injured. And the bride was livid. Okay, so maybe the NYPD can save money by not charging this idiot with a crime: Just put him -unarmed – and the bride in a locked room for about an hour.

San Diego has fired manager Bud Black. Maybe a new manager will make a difference. Or maybe the Padres are just a newer Southern California version of the Cubs.

Gap is going to close 25% of their stores, 175 in total, which will leave the company with operate about 500 specialty locations and 300 outlet stores. Uh, not that I really know retail, but maybe if you have 60% as many “outlets” as you have regular retail, you just MIGHT be diluting and damaging your brand

Jawed?

April 30, 2014

“He can’t go down with three barrels on them, not with three he can’t?”

No, but Sharks can go down with three games on them….

Who knew Shark Tank was redundant?

Announcers saying the San Jose Sharks’ season ended bitterly.” “Bitterly?” “Bitterly” is a one game nightmare. This was a four-game choke job for the ages.

FSU QB and reigning Heisman winner Jameis Winston was reportedly cited for shoplifting crab legs in Tallahassee and may be suspended from the baseball team. Maybe the NCAA should have been a little more clear on that ruling allowing unlimited meals for athletes?

Jameis Winston on “crab-gate”. In a moment of youthful ignorance, I walked out of the store without paying for one of my items. “Youthful ignorance? As in he didn’t ask one of his posse to get the crab legs for him?

Or as in he should have stuck to something small like filet mignon.

V. Stiviano said through her attorney that she is “very saddened” at Sterling’s NBA ban and that she “never wanted any harm to Donald.” Translation, someone is really going to miss those courtside seats.

Donald Trump is buying Turnberry golf course. What, is the Donald looking for a British gopher to replace that furry thing that lives on his head?

We are one Atlanta win away from a second round NBA playoff series between the Hawks and the Washington Wizards. Which had to seem about as likely as the NAACP giving Donald Sterling a lifetime achievement award.

Frontier Airlines is going to start charging for carry-on bags that don’t fit under the seat. So all those boarding slowdowns caused by people trying to cram bags in the overhead bins? They’ll be switching to slowdowns caused by people trying to cram bags under the seat.

 

Never understood why people don’t like the San Antonio Spurs. They play good, team-oriented no-drama basketball. Does the team remind some too much of the WNBA?

Former ‘Mad’ magazine editor Al Feldstein, 88, has died. Have to assume his last words were “What, me worry?

GOP senators just blocked raising the U.S. minimum wage to $10.10 an hour. Just for comparison, based on a 40 work week, U.S. Senators make $87.00 an hour. (plus expenses.) #letthemeatcake

Mike D’Antoni “resigned” from the Los Angeles Lakers. Which makes him luckier than the team’s season ticket holders.

 

 

From my friend Bill Whalen “How do you repel a shark attack? Put it on a power play.”

My friend Bob Thompson pointed out the the Dodgers played tonight at Target Field against the Twins, and it’s 42 degrees, feels like 36. Almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.

 

In a recent poll about the Florida Governor’s race, Charlie Crist has a 10 point lead over Rick Scott, and Crist’s lead is almost 20 points with women voters. This could mean a serious potential drought in Florida punchlines.

John Boehner is now apologizing for his comments about some of his fellow Republicans regarding immigration reform – “here’s the attitude: ‘Ohhhh, don’t make me do this. Ohhhh, this is too hard.'” Apparently having a spine is not allowed in today’s GOP?

Floyd Mayweather Jr. now says he wants to buy the Los Angeles Clippers. So get rid of a racist and replace him with a confessed wife-beater? #Notexactly

For all those who want the media to pay attention to anything but MH370 and Donald Sterling, help is on the way. A new video has surfaced allegedly filmed last weekend allegedly showing Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack again.

 

. . .

On the clock.

April 26, 2012

The NFL is thinking about suspending the Pro Bowl. “That’s such a shame,” said absolutely nobody.

Even though the NFL plans to suspend the Pro Bowl they intend to keep the balloting. So stars can get picked without actually really playing a game. Doesn’t sound much different than the status quo.

In one of the most anticlimactic announcements of the year, Andrew Luck was the #1 draft pick of the Indianapolis Colts. Asked today what his favorite part of college was, Luck responded “Beating Cal!” Go Cardinal.


The Ottawa Senators today became the last Canadian team eliminated from the NHL playoffs, thereby assuring that the 1992-93 Montreal Canadians remain the last Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup.

Canada in a two-decade hockey championship drought? This is like the U.S. having a two-decade drought in hot-dog eating.

Watching NFL draft and wondering how many of these guys will be taking a pay cut next year?

In Redwood City, California, the Daily News reports a 10th grader’s parents are suing the school district for kicking him out of an honors class for copying another kid’s homework They say his “due process rights were violated” because the school’s rules are “vague and contradictory.” Can’t imagine how the kid got that sense of entitlement.

Newly-acquired and highly-touted New York Yankees starter Michael Pineda is out for the year. The Yankees are reacting the same way many wealthy New York women might react to a broken Christian Louboutin heel – “Well that s*cks, but time to go shopping.”

Amongst other craziness tonight the Washington Generals, er, Wizards, beat the “Big Three”-less Heat by 34. And the Sacramento Kings beat the Kobe-less Lakers by 17. Proving again that the NBA should have offered these last games of the year at pre-season prices. Or lower.

Boy Scout officials in Ohio have removed a popular Tiger Scouts (1st graders) den mother because she is a lesbian. Parents are protesting. And really, if these idiots are that worried about abuse, wouldn’t a lesbian be the safest leader around small boys?

Not sure if the San Francisco Giants’ Aubrey Huff’s struggles on the field contributed to his going on the DL with an anxiety disorder. But on the bright side Huff has one more home run in 2012 than Aubert Pujols.

Former Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour is warning of a barrage of anti-Romney ads, saying ” Obama didn’t have to run a primary so he’s sitting on a stack of money so tall that a show dog couldn’t jump over it,” Well, especially a show dog who’s been cramped in a crate on a car roof so his legs are out of shape….

Newt Gingrich said today that his “campaign will go bye-bye.” The man is 68 years old and he says “Bye-bye?” Who does he think he is talking to, one of his soon to be ex-wives?

Bobby Valentine apparently started out with the wrong lineup for a game against the Twins, because he misread an iPhone app and thought a right-handed pitcher was a lefty. Sigh. There may not be beer in the Red Sox clubhouse, but sounds like Boston will be selling plenty in the stands.

A dispute between rival hot dog vendors in downtown Albuquerque resulted in one vendor running over another with his cart. Insert “size of weiners” joke here.

Lord Stanley’s Cup.

June 5, 2011

And no, for American non-hockey fan readers, that is not the latest Twitter scandal..

 

The Vancouver Canucks scored to win game two only 11 seconds into overtime. For many women who are Boston Bruins fans it was the most disappointing 11 seconds since their wedding night.
 
 
The sentimental star of game two, in Vancouver, was center Manny Malhotra, who returned to the Canucks lineup in over two months, since he took a puck to the eye.
 
Although  Malhotra didn’t score he no doubt fired up the team. And it was something that Boston fans should have learned by now  -bad things happen when it’s just an example of “Manny being Manny.”
 
As Anthony Weiner digs himself deeper with every statement, one politician has found a silver lining in this mess. Because the Democrat who most fellow party members wish would just SHUT UP is no longer Joe Biden.
 
‎2-1 loss to the Rockies today. SF Giants appear to be literally a hot hitting team this year. They were hitting fine with temperatures in the mid to high 80s in St. Louis, so that should be no problem as we approach summer in SF…… Uh, never mind.
The Red Sox beat the As 9-8 in 14 innings, after Jason Varitek and Jonathan Papelbon were both ejected in the ninth after getting into it with plate umpire Tony Randazzo. (Papelbon will probably be suspended for making contact with Randazzo) Looks like Boston fans turned on a baseball game and a hockey game broke out.
Li Na today became the first Chinese player to win a tennis grand slam event when she won the French Open. Wonder how she chose tennis over the more popular ping pong in China? Maybe because in table tennis you can’t jump the net to congratulate your opponent.
A man was arrested in Orange County for alleged an DUI after his car jumped a curb, crashed through a chain-link fence and struck a small plane at John Wayne Airport. Wonder if the guy was a pilot in a hurry because he was late for his flight…
 
 
John Edwards is basically saying “Hush money is not a campaign contribution.” Jeez, makes “I did not have sex with that woman” look almost statesmanlike.
 

“I’ll play from either side.”

June 3, 2011

A judge in Seattle ruled today that a gay softball league can indeed limit the number of heterosexual players per team. Three men claimed their team’s 2nd place finish in the Gay Softball World Series was nullified because they are bisexual, not gay, and thus their team exceeded the limit of two non-gay players. Whatever happened to baseball’s great tradition of switch hitters?

Scott Cousins, who injured Buster Posey in that home plate collision, has been roundly criticized in San Francisco, and has apparently received some death threats. Not sure what Cousins can do to make it to up to Giants fans. Except maybe to go to AAA and run into Barry Zito during a rehab assignment.

Vancouver Canucks forward Alex Burrows will apparently not be suspended for allegedly deliberately biting Boston Bruins Patrice Bergeron’s left index finger in Game 1 of the Stanley Cup finals. “Hey, a man’s got to eat,” commented Mike Tyson.

In Independence, Missouri, basically a suburb of Kansas City,  police responding to an alligator sighting in a suburban Kansas City pond took two shots at the creature’s head.  And then upon cautiously approaching realized it was a concrete fake.   

That’s it, these guys are permanently banned from Disney’s “Jungle Cruise.”

Weiner dog department:  Whatever the truth with Anthony Weiner and his tweet or nontweet, Weiner is violating the cardinal rule of publicly dealing with potentially embarrassing situations. Namely, make a statement, and then STFU about it.

Steve Spurrier and other coaches came up with a proposal to give 70 players a $300 stipend every game.  The proposal, whereby coaches would chip in to pay the stars, was signed by Spurrier, Alabama’s Nick Saban, Florida’s Will Muschamp, LSU’s Les Miles, Mississippi’s Houston Nutt, Mississippi State’s Dan Mullen and Tennessee’s Derek Dooley.

There are many reasons why the proposal might not be feasible – for starters, for many SEC players $300 a game would be a pay cut.

I actually have a little sympathy for Mitt Romney, who at least has a substantive background, running for the GOP nomination. Since there is an actual chance he could lose to Sarah Palin. Wouldn’t that be like losing on Jeopardy to Snooki?

Sarah Palin, channeling Lucy Van Pelt (“If you can’t be right, be wrong at the top of your voice.”, today in Boston about Paul Revere: Saying he had ridden to warn that the British were coming so that “we were going to be secure and free, and we were going to be armed.’’ Uh, Sarah, amongst other things, Paul rode in 1775, the Bill of Rights wasn’t proposed until 1789.

The wedding and other post-mortems.

April 30, 2011

After the Royal Wedding, many men thought Friday morning  – “What a waste of time for a televised non-event… especially when the clips will be available on line…, why would any woman have bothered to watch live? Meanwhile, what time is ESPN’s coverage of day 2 of the NFL draft?”

As they played “God save the Queen/King” wonder if William whispered to Kate “Honey, they’re playing our song,”

But on the occasion of William’s wedding the Spencer family wanted to make it clear they have no hard feelings towards Prince Charles. In fact when he entered Westminister Abbey with Camilla, Diana’s brother reportedly asked  Elton John to play a song – “The bitch is back.”

So what would have happened if this man was the presidential or vice-presidential nominee ? Just before he was born, his father sent his mother to California to give birth because, as he explained, “My father had a complex about not having been born in the United States.” The boy was raised in Mexico City, and grew up to be… New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson. (source Wikipedia)

Not a good time for the Braves. First pitching coach Roger McDowell went on a homophobic rant to fans before a game in San Francisco, now pitcher Derek Lowe has been charged with drunken driving. Last time Atlanta had a week this bad, Sherman was involved.

Yellowstone park rangers issued three tickets to people walking ON Old Faithful geyser this week, after the tourists were caught on a webcam. (Old Faithful itself erupts with 204 degree water, and there is only a thin crust of earth covering boiling hot water in many places.) Wonder what percentage of the ticket revenue goes into a fund to cover the costs of Darwin awards.

Donald Trump insisted, again, that the problem with oil prices is that we don’t have a leader who will simply tell them “you are not going to raise the ‘bleeping’ price.” Strong words from someone who turned down an ownership opportunity because he didn’t even think he could fix the Mets.

MLB suspended White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen for two games because he argued balls and strikes and then complained about being ejected during the game. So I wonder, will his next tweet be a complaint about the fine?

Well,  as many would have predicted last December, the lowly Carolina Panthers got a Stanford star in the draft. It was, however, DT Sione Fua with the 97th pick.

And yes, it’s early in the season. But the Giants’ offense has been so hard to find in the last couple weeks that the teams’ batters may soon find their pictures on milk cartons.

The San Jose Sharks win 2-1 in overtime despite being out shot 46-25 by the Red Wings. If Paul the Octopus wasn’t dead, this just killed him.

Who’s crying now?

January 6, 2011

Wednesday,  January 5 was a historic day. Following the first female Speaker of the House, we now have a Speaker who is part Oompha Loompha.

And now that John Boehner is Speaker, will Congress’s theme song be “Who’s crying now?”

There are rumors that John Edwards is now engaged to marry the mother of his illegitimate daughter, Rielle Hunter. The couple is registered at “Bed, Bath and Beyond all Common Decency.”

The outdoor NHL Winter Classic between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Washington Capitals achieved the NHL’s highest regular season television ratings, despite the game being delayed due to unseasonably warm temperatures.. Maybe if the NHL wants to guarantee winter weather for outdoor games they should play the game in July at Candlestick Park.

Actually, if outdoor games bring higher ratings, maybe the NHL should just take the roofs off of all their arenas.

Michigan fired their coach, Michigan State was absolutely humiliated in the Capital One by Alabama. Who’d a thunk it, the most optimistic football fans in Michigan these days root for the Detroit Lions?

The new GOP Congress has been just sworn and and already they are saying that their “$100 billion in cuts” pledge wasn’t really a promise but a “hypothetical number.” So congratulations to everyone who had “less than 24 hours” in the pool.

Dick Cheney, 69, is apparently deciding about seeking a heart transplant as when he turns 70 he will be too old to qualify. Where’s a good death panel when you need one?

A United Airlines flight from Denver to Frankfurt was diverted to Toronto last week after a pilot spilled a cup of coffee on the communications equipment in the cockpit, which somehow triggered the emergency codes for a hijacking.   

Wonder how long it will take TSA to ban passengers bringing Starbucks on board as a potentially dangerous item.

Minor league action…

May 26, 2009

Kraft cheese singles is offering a buy-one, get one free special on minor league baseball games.  Does that include the Nationals?

The Patriots and Redskins became the first teams to sign licensing deals with state-sponsored lotteries after the NFL approved ”  Which is particularly odd because neither of them are named for a state.

Star Trek continues to do well at the box office.   Though it will now face competition from the new small budget horror film for trekkies – “The Girlfriend Experience.”

Actually the state of Michigan is trying to license a state lottery with the Detroit Lions.  Although people who are willing to spend money for such a slim chance to win are already season ticket holders.

 –

Television executives have been counting on a Kobe-Lebron showdown in the NBA finals.  The way things are going, however, they may still get that matchup-  but tee times will be involved.

The NHL has been trying to work out a deal with NBC about televising the Stanley Cup finals.  In hopes of higher ratings, the network wanted to start the finals 10 days after the last semi-final game.

Fortunately for the league, a poll was done of U.S hockey fans and the idea was rejected by both of them.