Archive for the ‘Trump jokes’ category

Actually keeping score?

August 29, 2019

Ok. I get that some people think I’m a little obsessed to be stressed about Democratic Presidential primaries this early. And yet there are folks who are seriously stressed about the scores of week 4 pre-season NFL football.

With back-to-back home runs today, Minnesota Twins broke the major league record season for most home runs on the road. which was 138. And there’s a full month left in the season.
But sure, Barry Bonds is the one whose home run total should have an asterisk…

At least for remainder of season can 2019 SF Giants officially retire the term “home field advantage?

Two weeks after Chris Davis had a dugout confrontation with manager Brandon Hyde, Orioles reliever Richard Bleier and 3rd-base coach Jose David Flores also ended up in a public shouting match in the dugout.
Baltimore fans just wish the team would show that much energy on the field.

Alex Trebek is back at work taping the new season of “Jeopardy!,” five months after being diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

“What is really good news?”

 

Travel rant.  Austrian Airlines and Lufthansa are offering a scheduled LEGAL connection between a Vienna to Frankfurt flight and a Frankfurt to San Francisco flight that is 45 minutes!?!
So will transfer assistance be provided by flying pig?

The latest wannabe mass shooter at High Point University told police he was trying to get into a fraternity and that “if his roommate got into a fraternity and he didn’t, he had a plan to kill his roommate and himself.”
But no, we don’t have an epidemic of white male privilege.

 

Interesting timing. Trump wants G7 at Mar-a-Lago and mean bitch Karma along with Mother Nature remind him. “Dude, it’s hurricane season.”

 

Well, since most bugs can’t swim Hurricane Dorian might take care of the Doral bed bug problem.

Trump today canceled his trip to Poland.   Guess it’s just as well Trump had already canceled Danish part of European trip. Does anyone think Mother Pence would have let Mike have dinner with the very attractive Danish Prime Minister?

 

 

Does anyone think Trump would have canceled his trip if he were scheduled to go to Buckingham Palace? Or to one of his rallies?  Or to one of his golf resorts?

Without a little bit of Luck

August 25, 2019

Colts fans must feel as shocked and betrayed as if someone stole their team in the middle of the night.

.

Wonder how many fans in Indianapolis who booed Andrew Luck as a coward for retiring would cheer if the Colts signed Colin Kaepernick in his place.

 

But yes, your reminder, Colin Kaepernick is still available.

Pablo Sandoval to have Tommy John surgery. Wonder if he’ll recover in time to pitch next season.

Patriots TE Lance Kendricks now joins Benjamin Watson on the suspended list, and safety Patrick Chung has been arrested on a cocaine charge. Gosh, whoever thought Bill Belichick would have so many players doing something illegal?

Tennessee Volunteers sophomore CB Bryce Thompson arrested for misdemeanor domestic assault after he allegedly threatened to “slap the s— out of” a woman and to “shoot up the school.”
Since Thompson was a Freshman All-American and led the team in interceptions last year, how long until someone decides he’s a nice kid who deserves a second chance?

Meanwhile, NCAA has put Mississippi State football on probation for academic cheating. Well, good to know they’ve punished the only problem school in the SEC.

With about 5 weeks left in MLB season, Baltimore GM Mike Elias has fired 11 people in front office and scouting department. He says it’s “to provide those who lost their jobs a jump at getting back into the market.”
Because don’t all other teams want to snatch up talent from the Orioles?

On Trump tariffs, “This is not the way to proceed. Apart from everything else, those who support the tariffs are at risk of incurring the blame for the downturn in the global economy, irrespective of whether or not that is true.”
This sentence from that noted voice of reason Boris Johnson!!??

Trump at G7  “The question I was asked most today by fellow World Leaders, who think the USA is doing so well and is stronger than ever before, happens to be, “Mr. President, why does the American media hate your Country so much? Why are they rooting for it to fail?””
Uh, would he like to name ONE of those world leaders?

How long until Trump claims the Amazon rainforest fires are the fault of Jeff Bezos?

Joe Walsh says he will primary Donald Trump in 2020.  Let me be very clear, I agree with Joe Walsh on very little, and disagree with him strongly on guns and a woman’s right to choose.
But I believe he is a sane person who loves this country. And cannot say the same about Trump.

Two and done?

March 18, 2018

Cincinnati blew a 22 point lead to Nevada in 11 minutes. Who did they think they were? The Atlanta Falcons?

 

Bearcats fall apart, Xavier falls apart. Normally when the city of Cincinnati is this embarrassed in sports, the Bengals are involved.

God believes in Sister Jean.  (Loyola)

Syracuse just busted President Obama’s brackets by beating Michigan State. So will Trump invite them to the White House.

Donald Trump  was so cranky Sunday morning you think he’d picked Virginia to win it all.

No perfect brackets left in #Marchmadness Except @realDonaldTrump’s. He will unveil his perfect picks once tournament over.

Russia ordered expulsion of 23 British diplomats. Assume the diplomats know enough to turn down invitations for farewell tea parties.

Facebook has banned Cambridge Analytica, this right after they locked their barn door and went looking for the horses.

Trump claimed Andrew McCabe’s firing was a “great day for Democracy.” Well, it could turn out in long run to be a great day for Democrats.

So who will be first Republican to say there IS no “red line” with Trump? Points for honesty?

So if @realDonaldTrump does fire Mueller who will be the first Republican to say it’s “really troubling?”

March 17, besides being St. Patrick’s Day, was also St. Gertrude’s Day. St Gertrude is the patron saint of cats. Cats thinking, as if we need an intermediary with God…..

 

Seen on Nestlé bottled water “WARNING: Cap is a small part and poses a CHOKING HAZARD, particularly for children.”. #toomanylawyers

Lindsey Graham this am, if Donald Trump fired Robert Mueller. “As I said before, if he tried to do that, that would be the beginning of the end of his presidency.” So what would Graham do – “thoughts and prayers?”

So with all @realDonaldTrump’s love for TV personalities, Anthony Kennedy has to realize if he retires he’ll be replaced by Judge Judy.

Andrew McCabe is a Republican. #justsayin

Can’t win them all

February 5, 2018

Super Bowl LII was watched by 103.4 million Americans, the lowest number since 2009. How much of that was fact NY is biggest media market, and New Yorkers hated both teams?

If NFL wants better ratings one suggestion is to make the “catch” rule at least as understandable as the balk rule.

Vince Lombardi trophy last night “”On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

 

Meanwhile did the Dow take a knee Monday for Trump?

Eagles  as a team are not Trump pals nor fans. Wonder how long it will take POTUS to declare that Patriots won the Super Bowl electoral college?

Gisele to her kids “Daddy won five times. They never won before. Their whole life, they never won a Super Bowl. You have to let someone else win sometimes.” So nice of Patriots to “let” Eagles win…

Tom Brady “Losing sucks.” And in Cleveland they’re stampeding for the violins.

Good news for Philadelphia police. City may have gone over-the-top on their Super Bowl celebration. But there’s no chance of another anytime soon with the 76ers or Phillies.

 

If Pepsi wanted to introduce “Quiet Doritos”, for theater or other times when eating in public, guessing they might have a thing.    But who the bleep came up with idea of “Lady Doritos?”

Is the recommended beverage for Lady Doritos a can of New Coke?

The President of the United States now calling opposition party “un-American” & “treasonous.” Even by banana republic dictator standards that’s pretty over the top.

So were Republicans who didn’t stand or applaud during Obama’s SOTU also “treasonous?” Asking for a country.

Give Trump credit – Bigliest one-day drop in the stock market ever.

Trump calls Devin Nunes a man of “tremendous courage and grit.” I think I like Lindsay Graham’s calling Nunes “Inspector Clouseau” better.

    Really? It took  Trump all weekend to think of that name?

 

Adam Schiff “It may be time for General Kelly to give the President a time out,” How silly. We know Trump isn’t a toddler. Because toddlers are capable of learning.

The one that got away…

December 18, 2017

Robbie Gould, cut by Chicago last year is 30-32 on FG & has made 20 in a row. His replacement Connor Barth is 11 for 16. That’s so Bears #DaBears

On the other hand, good news for Bears fans.  A win against the Browns is on next Sunday’s schedule.

Announcers for #GBvsCAR talking about how well Packers fans travel to away games. They’re great team w/ great fans…but if you had ANY reason to get out of Green Bay in December..?

With Christmas Eve next Sunday, and lots of shopping and preparation for the holiday,  have to wonder how many NFL fans took this Sunday off .   Of course no one expected the Seahawks to join them.

Top HS QB prospect Justin Fields has committed to Georgia over Florida State. Seminoles feeling crabby? Or crab-leggy?

Power outage at Atlanta airport, a Delta hub, strands thousands of passengers. American and United immediately introduce electricity surcharge.

Headlines that more than 300 people out of 5,000 on a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship got sick norovirus this week. Wow, that’s almost as many as the number of passengers on any given morning who were hungover.

Trump lawyer accuses Mueller of obtaining emails illegally – so former FBI director should have just had Russia get them for him?

 –
Putin reportedly called Trump to thank CIA for tip that helped stop a St. Petersburg bombing. That moment when Pres. of Russia is more positive about U.S. Intelligence than Pres of US…

I understand why people who’re just getting by would do anything for big tax cut. But when you have more $$$ than you can spend in a lifetime? #CorkerKickback

Senator Corker said he had no idea about the provision introduced at the last minute into the GOP tax bill that will save him over $1 million in tax a year. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

Anyone else think Mnuchin’s Treasury department has spent less time actually analyzing #GOP tax bill than his wife Louise Linton spent making her designer clothing & jewelry Christmas wish list.

Because Trump thinks he’s done enough already? Tax bill would impose a 20% tax on goods made in Puerto Rico & shipped to mainland. #WTF?

Mistakes were made.

December 11, 2017

Giancarlo Stanton sounds positively giddy about leaving #Marlins for #Yankees. And of course NY fans & media will be so supportive if he has anything less than an MVP year.

 

NFL warned teams today it will begin “significant discipline” to anyone engaging in offensive conduct or contact against game officials.”
What about discipline for offensive officiating?

On a non-political note, three of the nicest words for Tuesday are “Kawhi Leonard ‘probable.”” #GoSpursGo @Spurs

According to Hank Schulman Stanton has been spending “Octobers in Europe unable to really watch the playoffs because it just kills him.”
Save this post if Yankees miss 2018 Postseason

Derek Jeter, on Stanton trade “No, there isn’t anything I would do differently.” Has someone checked former Yankees’ captain for concussions?

 

Maybe they don’t have Louis Vuitton stores in Lithuania?

Now it’s #CarsonWentz who is out for the season. With three weeks to go how many stars will be left for the @NFL playoffs?

Oops. Neither Bangladesh nor Brooklyn were on Trump’s travel ban list.#PortAuthority

#PortAuthority suspect said he made his bomb at work. And some people feel guilty about wasting employer time by with games or online shopping.

Dept of Education under Betsy Devos has stopped cancelling student loan debt for those defrauded by failed for-profit schools. Because how could they acknowledge it might have been a major mistake to attend Trump University?

Just imagine if when @BarackObama went to Hawaii for vacation he stayed at resort owned by his family & made a profit off trip. GOP heads would have exploded.

If you’re really “pro-life” it seems like a no-brainer to vote for man who successfully prosecuted murderers of four little girls. @GDouglasJones

 

December bringing different man or men every day accused of sexual harassment. This is becoming like a very twisted advent calendar.

It”s only Monday & this week #RyanLizza#MarioBatali…. Beginning to think it’s a bad idea to put men in positions of power.

Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to respond that he doesn’t get what all #KaylaMoore fuss is about “I have a Jew son-in-law.”

 

Just wondering, how many people have attorneys (plural) and KNOW what religion they all are? #KaylaMoore #NoMoore

Considering #KaylaMoore‘s “Jew” lawyer comment & his friend talking about child brothels, I understand why #RoyMoore tried to lie low weekend before election.

Crickets on #PortAuthority from @realDonaldTrump If alleged wannabe terrorist had been from country on his travel ban he’d have tweeted within 30 seconds.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders says on Trump sexual assault allegations “American people knew this & voted for him,”   So WTF was Donald Trump doing going after Bill Clinton 20+ years later after his election?

Trump attacks @NYTimes for saying he watches 4-8 hours of TV a day. Maybe he means he really watches 8-12 hours….

Roll tide?

December 7, 2017

Open note to the good people of Alabama. Hard for me to say this, but vote in Doug Jones & I will actually root for Nick Saban & Crimson Tide. Once anyway. #Priorities

Rafael Palmeiro, 53, says he is contemplating a return to MLB. Uh oh, nobody tell Jamie Moyer.

Roger Goodell has signed a $200 million contract to remain NFL commissioner. Yeah, that man really needs a tax cut.

Cowboys to debut new uniforms this weekend. Unfortunately for Dallas fans they will still have same old Cowboys in them.

Former gymnasts & their parents pushing for maximum sentence for ex-Team USA doctor Larry Nassar. And indeed it’s a risk. If he ever gets out of prison he could run for office as a Republican.

If San Antonio Spurs could just add one good player, they could be a great team this year. @kawhileonard @Spurs

Pfizer is introducing a generic Viagra for “only” about $32 a pill. That’s still a stiff price.

GOP House just approved bill to allow gun owners to carry concealed weapons across state lines. But we’re still out of luck with marijuana gummies.

So for safety reasons Nikki Haley indicates we might not send US athletes to #WinterOlympics2018 in Korea. Even more encouragement for Kim Jong Un to try his missiles to US mainland?

Maybe Russia and the US can have their own games, where all the medals go to Putin and Trump.

Think we could get bipartisan agreement on a special place in hell for those who run red lights at left turn and get stuck in intersection so people going straight can’t go on green.

Now it appears #RoyMoore was dating his wife while she was still married. Wonder how “Christian” bakers feel now about THAT wedding cake?

 

A Delta flight from JFK to Seattle, which is over 6 hours, had all toilets malfunction and had to make a bathroom break stop for passengers in Billings. At Spirit Airlines they’d have probably passed around paper cups for $5.

San Francisco central subway reportedly is falling further behind schedule. Construction started in 2011, supposed to open in 2018, city says 2019, and main contractor now estimates 2021.
If we’re doing a pool, dibs on 2025.
If Senator Franken steps down tomorrow to do the “right thing” can he also call on GOP colleagues and President to do the same?
 –

While we move forward against sexual predators in politics, remember, past allegations matter. But can we focus on those currently in office? JFK & Ted are dead, Bill & H.W aren’t running again….

WH said Trump slurred words at end of speech today because he had “a dry throat.” Right. And Hillary wasn’t healthy enough to be President. #sarcasm

Trevor Noah on The Daily Show reminds us Donald Trump is very sensitive about his appearance & so we should absolutely not tweet or post things about  #DentureDonald

 

One of worst things about all sexual harassment stories coming out is that no matter who you are, someone you’ve admired will be or has been caught. Beginning to think men have real self-control issues.

Democrats calling for resignation of one of their most popular Senators. GOP putting more $$$ into campaign of man who wasn’t fit to serve BEFORE sexual allegations. Still think there’s no difference between parties?

Across the pond.

October 1, 2017

Politics aside, while Colin Kaepernick may not be an NFL caliber quarterback, seems pretty sure Jay Cutler isn’t either.

Speaking of anthems, @Saints may start playing “God Save the Queen” before all games for luck.

LA #Chargers can’t fill 27,000 seat stadium, & most fans showing up root for visitors. Open note to Raiders, still time to back out of Vegas.

Okay, not that I really care, but Stanford is not ranked in college football. They are 3-2, with the 2 losses being to USC, ranked #14, and San Diego State, ranked #19. So if you are about #24-25, shouldn’t you lose to number #14 and #19?

Question of the day after Patriots loss – WWGB – who will Giselle blame?

 

Pablo Sandoval’s 3 home runs in gm 1 of 2012 World Series launched SF Giants sweep, so guess it’s some compensation his walk off home run today gave Tigers #1 2018 draft pick?

But hey, while the Giants  beat Padres and lose top draft pick to Detroit, but the  49ers keep their hopes with a loss against the #Cardinals

Today apparently FEMA Administrator Brock Long Puerto Rico hurricane relief for Puerto Rico is “the most logistically challenging event the US has ever seen”
So this administration is as good at history as they are at everything else….

 

 

When Puerto Rico officials tell Trump what he can do w/ golf trophy he dedicated to hurricane victims will he call them worse than ingrates

So when will Trump issue an executive order for a travel ban from Puerto Rico?

Trump tweeted that “Being nice to Rocket Man hasn’t worked in 25 years. Clinton failed, Bush failed, Obama failed, I won’t fail.”

Uh, King Jong Un is 33 years old.  Do the math. The only ones being nice to him 25 years ago might have been his nannies.

And then Trump tweets “Save your energy, Rex.”   So time to move #Tilllerson up in that Trump resignation pool?

It really is awful that people are willing to die in Puerto Rico just to make Trump look bad.

Death toll mounts in Puerto Rico. If O.J. is serious about finding a real killer maybe he just needs to look on golf course at Bedminster.

 

Comparison shopping

May 17, 2017

Tony Dungy compared Colin Kaepernick’s situation to what happened with Michael Vick after his release from prison, and Joe Mixon’s draft day fall.
Right, because kneeling on the sideline is as egregious to NFL coaches as killing dogs and hitting women? #WTF?

 

The way Lebron & Cavs are playing no one from Cleveland needed even to try to trip Isaiah Thomas.

Lonzo Ball may refuse to work out for the Celtics, so set is he on playing for the Lakers. Even though the difference on a guaranteed rookie contract between the 1st and 2nd pick is over $2 million. Guess dad will have to up the price of those shoes.

Mark Cuban says he would “love it” if LaVar Ball appeared on “Shark Tank.” Many Americans at this point would be equally happy if Lavar went into a shark tank. A real one.

There’s a report that Moses Malone Jr. is suing James Harden, alleging that the Rockets’ star paid people to assault and rob Malone because he was upset about a Facebook post.
Crazy.  But reminds us of those not-so-distant days when the most insane stories were on the entertainment and sports pages?

LaVar Ball said today now that if Nike, Under Armour or Adidas want to make a deal w/ him and his Big Baller Brand now,he has raised the asking price to $3 billion. You almost wonder if the guy is trying to prove he has enough ego to work in the Trump administration.

John McCain was asked if he is ruling out any chance of impeachment. And he answered, apparently with a smile “The thought has not crossed my mind.”
Would have loved to see McCain asked if he likes Presidents who don’t get impeached.

Trump leaves Friday, along w/ much of his inner circle, for his 1st foreign trip. Any way while he’s gone we can change White House locks?

Google is launching “Google for Jobs,” a search feature for job seekers that will pull together job postings from all over the internet. Maybe they can beta-test it for staffers now in the White House?

So at this point Melania’s got to be wondering if she can get her deposit back on Barron’s DC area private school for 2017-18.

John Kasich on Trump – “I hate to say I told you so …” Au contraire, I am pretty sure the Ohio governor LOVES to say “I told you so.”

 

Amazing to think that Mike Pence, who wasn’t even favored to win re-election in Indiana, could end up President of the US.  What a country.

Trump has the ability to fire new special prosecutor #RobertMueller Too soon to start a pool on when he will?

 –
Putin “I have transcript of talks between Trump & Russia foreign ministers.” Doesn’t Vlad have transcripts of all WH talks?

 

Many turned on Obama quickly when he couldn’t accomplish everything they wanted. And Trump supporters still back him. #WTF?

This is NOT my joke, a friend found it on Reddit by “Raevix.” But worth sharing: In answer to the question “Why will Congress never impeach Trump?”
“Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.”

Out of here.

April 30, 2017

So in the end for basketball fans in Los Angeles what was the difference between the Lakers and the Clippers?

About two weeks.

(And the Lakers probably have a lottery pick.)

A friend pointed out the Nationals have scored 77 runs this week. The Giants have scored 86 runs this year.

And the Nationals haven’t yet faced the Giants bullpen.

Thought Anthony Rendon got more RBI’s today SFGiants had in series against Padres.

Different names, same bullpen. #SFGiants

Think @SFGiants at this point can sign Crash Davis to get them a rainout tomorrow?  #bulldurham

The Braves’ Freddie Freeman, tired of playing at Miller Park, referred to it as a “Little League field.” Guessing Freeman is never signing a free-agent deal with the Rockies.

Meanwhile the Mets are making New York fans look forward to Jets training camp.


Clippers disappointed their fans today, but saved them from humiliation against Warriors.

But wasn’t this Game 7 between Clippers and Jazz sort of like final Christians matchup before facing the Lions?

#Bills fire their GM two days AFTER 2017 NFL draft. #WTF? Another example why Buffalo franchise has been so successful over the years.

I suppose i get it -$400,000 speeches by Obama make some people on both sides  uncomfortable. But how come we didn’t see this level of  complaints w/ ex-white presidents.  And vice-presidents.  And New York mayors? Etc.

Trump on Kim Jong-Un “People are saying, ‘Is he sane?’ I have no idea,” Ironically, that’s a question rest of world is asking the US.

Trump tweets “Democrats, without a leader, have become the party of obstruction.” Justice Merrick Garland would disagree.

Trump on Trumpcare 2.0  “Pre-existing conditions are in the bill. I mandate it. Has to be.”  Right,  no mention of potential costs of such policies.   Spoken like a man who only got a little $1 million loan from dad.

Reince Preibus -“Changing libel laws “is something that we’ve looked at.” Would it help 1st amendment if media used 2nd? #ifonlytheywerearmed

Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte, who once called Obama “a son of a whore,” and who said “Hitler massacred three million Jews… there’s three million drug addicts. I’d be happy to slaughter them,” has been invited by Trump for a White House meeting. #heseemsnice

8 shot, some critically, at apartment pool in La Jolla. Shooter reportedly “a white man in brown shorts.” Move along, nothing to see here.

Bad seed?

April 20, 2017

The Predators are the 1st #8 seed ever in pro sports to sweep #1 seed.  So will someone in Nashville at least write a country song about the Chicago Blackhawks?

 

The Indiana Pacers blew a 26 point lead to the Cleveland Cavaliers in game 3 of their playoff series tonight.  Wonder if they got sympathy call from the Atlanta Falcons.

One of the NFL London games this year will be Browns vs Vikings. Yet again, US disrespects Britain in not sending over professional teams.

SFGiants were off today. Which means their left fielders got about  as many base hits as on a game day.

QB DeShone Kizer, on his future in the NFL “Imagine taking Brady’s intellect and Brady’s preparation and putting it on a guy with Cam Newton’s body. Why can’t I be the greatest?”
Well, just maybe you might be held back by that 10 cent head?

LB Reuben Foster from Alabama said today that at the NFL combine he tested positive for a diluted urine sample, which is considered a positive test of the league’s substance abuse policy.
Foster said it was because he was trying to rehydrate himself after getting food poisoning.
Just once want to hear someone say, “I got caught, I’m sorry.”

Actually if Berkeley protesters really want to upset AnnCoulter the thing to do is IGNORE HER.

US is now trying to arrest Julian Assange. Well, sure, now that Wikileaks has served its purpose with Hillary.

Trump just called #Pavarotti “a good friend of mine.” This Presidency is turning into a Monty Python sketch. “Not dead, sleeping…”

Just wondering, would Trump be quite as sanguine about North Korea potentially launching nuclear missile if he had homes on West Coast?

Attorney General Jeff Sessions “amazed judge on an island in Pacific” can stop Trump’s travel ban. Yeah, the foreign country where Obama was born #cantfixstupid

 

Just guessing that #JeffSessions doesn’t have any vacations in Hawaii planned?

CNN reports that Bill O’Reilly will be paid “tens of millions of dollars” as he exits Fox News because of a “sizable safety net” in his contract. So he’ll be able to settle his future sexual harassment lawsuits.

Mike Huckabee, during an interview complaining about the media: “You know there’s three things you can’t do. You can’t spit into the wind, you can’t climb a ladder leaning toward you or kiss a woman leaning away from you.”
Uh, sir, you are married. Why would you be talking about kissing women? #familyvalues

Keep calm and f*ck terrorism

March 22, 2017

lego

 

 

My favorite city in the world. And yes I would go back tomorrow. If we stop traveling the bad guys win.

This mural, btw,  is made completely out of Lego, in the London store – Leicester Square.

Wow. A reasonable and measured response. Maybe the rumors that Tillerson won’t last long as Secretary of State in this administration are true. “We condemn these horrific acts of violence, and whether they were carried out by troubled individuals or by terrorists, the victims know no difference,”

It’s always awful when innocent people are hurt. But Britain has very tight gun laws, at least London assailant wasn’t armed.

 

Four murdered, including a police officer, until the suspect himself was shot by police. Not just London, but today in Wisconsin. The suspect is an American man with a gun. Move along, nothing to see here.

CNN reports FBI has information indicating Trump campaign associates communicated “with suspected Russian operatives to possibly coordinate the release of information damaging to Hillary Clinton’s campaign.”
#Fakenews tweet from Donald in 3.2.1….

Ghanaian Soccer player Mohammed Anas, who made headlines when he thanked his wife AND girlfriend during an interview now says “My family knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend.”
Is Anas trying for a post in the Trump administration?

Trumpcare will not have a requirement to cover mental health. While Congress also reduces gun regulations. What could possibly go wrong?

 

Puerto Rico has seen enough of Brandon Crawford.  Late in tonight’s game what they really wanted to see is the 2016 SF Giants’ bullpen. #WBC

Just guessing  Ian Kinsler, who hit a home run after bashing Puerto Rico’s style of play, might want to plan his next Caribbean vacation somewhere other than San Juan?

Almost didn’t recognize Dodger Stadium for #WBC championship tonight. Stands were basically full in first inning. @espn

#BeckyHammon is apparently a finalist for the head coaching job at Florida. Alas it’s the women’s team. She can coach men. @Spurs

Roger Goodell says that the NFL will address when a commercial is followed by a kickoff and then followed by another commercial. “I hate that, too. Our goal is to eliminate it.”
By just running longer commercials after kickoffs?

 

If you’re reading this…

March 15, 2017

Are you sure you’re finished with your brackets?

Warriors almost lose to 76ers, Wizards lose to Mavericks, and Spurs with Aldridge back lose to TrailBlazers.  WTF?  Can we blame Trump?

The Los Angeles Lakers are shutting down Luol Deng & Timofey Mozgov for the rest of the NBA season. Which means Deng & Mozgov will be contributing about as much as they have so far in the season.

This is a good thing, not just for @Spurs fans. Glad he’s OK –
“Spurs’ LaMarcus Aldridge cleared to return after minor heart arrhythmia.”

(but based on tonight’s game against Portland, maybe  the team celebrated a bit too much in the afternoon?)

Joint joke with Roberta K.  Israel was eliminated today from the World Baseball Classic after they lost to Japan 8-3.   Had they won, however, the team was probably going to be tested for PEB – Performance Enhancing Bagels.

-.

Jeff Sessions speaking in Richmond “I am astonished to hear people suggest that we can solve our heroin crisis by legalizing marijuana — so people can trade one life-wrecking dependency for another that’s only slightly less awful. Our nation needs to say clearly once again that using drugs will destroy your life.”
Wonder if his speech was followed by a cocktail party.

Ryan says President had a hand in #Trumpcare bill. But we all know Trump has really small hands

Hawaii judge strikes down Muslim Ban 2.0. Waiting for Trump to decry a foreign state meddling in US affairs.

 

Trump promising ‘some very interesting items’ about Obama wiretap claim. Like his “very interesting” facts about Obama’s birth certificate?

Paul Ryan on if #Trumpcare would pass today-“that’s kind of a goofy question” Prompting immediate demands for apology. From Goofy. And Pluto.

Trump wannabe Geert Wilders apparently is losing bigly in Dutch elections. Does this mean Netherlands get added to travel ban?

The CDC Monday said the Zika virus might be present in Florida sperm donations. But hey, so glad Trump is going to be doing away with all those pesky government agencies and regulations:

 

 

After Rand Paul blocked a treaty that would have allowed Montengro into NATO, something Russia opposes, John McCain stated “The senator from Kentucky is now working for Vladimir Putin.”
Uh, only the senator from Kentucky?

 

And then there were 68

March 12, 2017

Trump University not selected to NCAA men’s tournament. Congressional investigation needed. Clearly Obama’s fault. #selectionsunday

 

How lazy is USA getting? @ESPN now offers opportunity to pick “smart bracket” & have it autofilled in their bracket challenge #IblameTrump

Syracuse whining big time about being left out of tournament. Not much Orange could’ve done, but maybe beating Boston College & St Johns?

Nerd alert! Northwestern vs Vanderbilt in 1st round. Instead of trash talking expect compost talking.  Or at least slurs about recycling.

 

 

Notre Dame vs Princeton in a 1st round NCAA tournament. Hope Buffalo airport has room for all the private planes

 

Another bitter disappointment for Los Angeles Lakers    Team thought they had performed well enough this year for at least a six seed.

Trump doesn’t follow college basketball, so not doing #marchmadness brackets. Makes no sense, knowing nothing hasn’t stopped him before

Turning on World Baseball Classic casually and hearing “grounder to short, a chance for Crawford.” All’s briefly right with the world. #SFGiants.

Best thing about #selectionsunday Realizing that when the tournament is over it will be @MLB opening day!

And who had Israel 4-0 in the #WBC first round? Now all you liars put your hands down.

Expecting any moment now for @realDonaldTrump to tweet that Obama stole that hour last night. #daylightsavings

Last night @nbcsnl mocked Ivanka Trump w/ a perfume called “Complicit.” Donald Trump can’t decide whether to complain or have her sell it.

 

Paul Ryan “Are we providing a system where people have access to health insurance if they choose to do so? And the answer is yes.”
Right, like everyone has access to a Tesla, a boat and a four-bedroom house with a pool if they choose to….It’s all about individual freedom. #SMH

Tom Price says of Trumpcare “nobody will be worse off financially in the process that we’re going through, understanding that they’ll have choices that they can select the kind of coverage that they want for themselves and for their family.”
Right, like people can select their dream car or house. But if they can’t afford it then they are better off because they still have their money…    In this case, until they get sick.

 

 

Kellyanne Conway talking about microwaves that turn into cameras. Ooh, can we reverse this? Would be great to heat up lunch on the go.

Joe Biden “The only bipartisan thing left in America is the fight against cancer.”
Well, he’s partly right. GOP believes that both Democrats & Republicans with money deserve to survive the disease.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I believe in the church of baseball

February 9, 2017

Baseball will test a rule in the minors automatically to put a runner on 2nd base starting in extra innings. Where is Kevin Costner and his Bull Durham rant when we REALLY need him. “I believe in the soul….”

Lefthanded pitcher Javier Lopez, 39, has announced his retirement from MLB. “So young?” responded Jamie Moyer.

The Cleveland Browns have reduced prices on 40% of their season tickets. It’s a good start. How long until the team starts paying people to show up?

Sean Spicer is talking about terror attack on #Atlanta. Ok, it was awful, but maybe he should “dial it back” a bit about the ending of the Super Bowl.

Former Knicks star Charles Oakley, 53 was arrested at MSG and charged with assault after “screaming abuse” at owner James Dolan, and fighting with security guards. Long-suffering NY fans have to be thinking, he put up a better fight than the team usually does.

When Jeff Sessions is sworn in as Attorney General will they raise the Confederate Flag at the U.S. Capitol?

Many parents have a memory of toddler pushing limits w/ increasing craziness just to see how far s/he could go. Now we just turn on news in the morning….

 

Reports are that at least two candidates have turned Donald Trump down to be White House communications director. Presumably they prefer something like a janitorial job at the National Zoo, where they could clean up after real elephants.

Now Trump is angrily tweeting about Nordstrom for dropping his daughter’s clothing line “My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!”
So good to see the President focused on the really important issues of our time.

So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

So after tweeting “If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the “bad” would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad “dudes” out there! Trump is now saying that he wanted to give a month’s notice on the travel ban, but was overruled by “law enforcement officials.”
Wow. The buck apparently stops under the bus with whoever he throws there.

So at what point in Northern California will the nightly storm stories on the news make us just a bit nostalgic for drought stories?

The British Guardian newspaper reports on a rumor that Trump will appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada. Is this part of a Trump secret plan to build a Northern wall, and have Canada pay for it?

 

 

Fighting for air?

February 8, 2017

Patriots RB James White says he doesn’t know what happened to the football he scored the winning touchdown with in Super Bowl 51. “I actually don’t know what I did with it. I left it on the ground and started running.”
Well, at least there’s no way for the NFL to check if the ball was deflated.

Falcons have picked interim Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian as  their new OC. Does Atlanta know Alabama was winless in the Sarkisian area?

Golden State Warriors are rewarding their loyal season ticket holders with a 15-25% price increase next season. But just imagine how inexpensive 2017-2018 tickets will seem compared to those in the new SF arena.

 

 

A United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Kauai today developed autopilot problems and circled for hours before landing back at SFO more than 3 hours after takeoff. Now for the really important question, did passengers get extra miles for all that circling?

Hate to say it but #DeVos incompetency might limit her damage. What if Trump replaced her w/ smarter person w/ same view

While we’re changing all the rules in this country can we eliminate the 22nd amendment?

Trump this morning starts out a tweet with “I don’t know Putin, have no deals in Russia….” Does he type these with a straight face?

Trump tweeted today that he doesn’t know Putin. But in a 2013 MSNBC interview he said “I do have a relationship” with Putin.
No wonder Trump hates the media; they have this bad habit of reporting on what he says.

So Betsy Devos is now our Secretary of Education. Yeah, maybe our schools have been wrong in teaching children about the value of study and hard work as far as getting ahead. They should be teaching “How to marry a billionaire.”

Would be interesting to see how many Senators actually went or sent their children to public schools. #DeVosvote

Don’t just get mad, VOTE. Especially in school board elections. #DeVosvote

 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you elect a reality TV star to Congress. Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy (The Real Life: Boston, & Road Rules): “Look at Gabby Giffords. The Marxist, who took her life, a leftist guy, and now you see violence and terror in the streets all across America.

So Green Eggs and Ham is acceptable reading on the Senate floor but a letter from Coretta Scott King is not? #WTF?

Trump thinks “California is out of control.” Where do I get the “Out of Control Nasty California Woman T-Shirt”?

Or – “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted,” Where’s the t-shirt?  I want one of those too.