Houston, where are we?

Posted February 22, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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The Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum is sending the Apollo 11 Command Module on a tour around the U.S. to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. 50 years?! Wow. Assume the capsule will travel cross country with its left blinker on.

After receiving a new NCAA notice of allegations that brings the total to 21, Ole Miss officials announced they are self-imposing a one-year bowl ban for the 2017 season.
What a shame after their great 2016 bowl appearance…. oh, wait, they were 5-7. Never mind.

 

Rumors are that Kirk Cousins might be traded from the Redskins to the 49ers. Would be the owner equivalent of going from one frying pan into a younger frying pan.

 

In April, McDonald’s will have a promotion where all soft drinks, even the extra-large size, will be only $1. Using the restroom, however, may be $5.

“7 Earth-size planets found orbiting nearby star” How long until Trump takes credit for making galaxy great again. HUGE

 

So this intentional walk change in MLB is for real. Got a better idea with same time results, let the pitcher still throw his 4 pitches, but take one of the between-inning commercials and put it on half the screen. Then shorten one of those breaks. #dontmesswithbaseball

Kellyanne Conway hasn’t been seen lately. Wonder if she’s in the same “undisclosed location” they used to put Dick Cheney?

From Politico article talking to Trump associates “Leaving him alone for several hours can prove damaging, because he consumes too much television and gripes to people outside the White House.”
So basically Twitter has become his way of screaming “You punks get off my lawn?”

If protestors were paid as often as @POTUS & @PressSec seem to think they are, they’d be rich enough to vote GOP.

Pence says GOP will bring “individual responsibility back to American health care.” In other words, if you’re sick it’s your responsibility.

So if transgender bathrooms are a states’ rights issue, does that mean that, for example, marijuana is too?

 

As much as some conservatives freak out, guessing most have been in bathrooms with transgenders & HAVEN’T EVEN NOTICED.

 

It’s as dangerous to allow trans kids in school bathrooms  as it was to visit Bowling Green during the massacre. #ProtectTransKids

 

Reportedly six White House staffers left last week after failing FBI background checks. Considering some of the stories on those who DID make it through, even to the Cabinet, you do have to wonder what these guys did.

 

 

Marc Ragovin FTW

Lakers President Jeanie Buss has fired her brother Jim because of the team’s poor record. “Amateur,” said Kim Jong-Un

There’s a Magic.

Posted February 21, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized

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Lakers President #JeannieBuss fired her brother today. Well, at least they have 9 months to get over it before Thanksgiving.

Magic Johnson has now been promoted to president of basketball operations for the Lakers. Of course what the team really needs is a vintage Magic PLAYING for the Lakers.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Magic Johnson.  But how about all those those NBA titles Michael Jordan won as an owner?

MLB may change the intentional walk rule for 2017 to allow for a dugout signal instead of four actual pitches out of the strike zone So if a manager changes pitchers, then a pinch-hitter results in the decision for an IBB a relief pitcher could lose the game without throwing the ball once.

Sammy Sosa, who still denies taking PEDs, told a Cubs employee in an interview ““It’s like Jesus Christ when he came to Jerusalem. Everybody thought Jesus Christ was a witch, and he was our savior. So if they talk s–t about Jesus Christ, what about me? Are you kidding me?”
Uh, if Sosa’s mentioning Jesus shouldn’t it be less a comparison and more like “Jesus wept?”

 

A-Rod says there is a “zero percent” chance he will play major league baseball again. “So you are saying there’s a chance?”

A hearing underway to determine if a then 71-year old man can use the “Stand Your Ground” defense for fatally shooting a 43-year old man 3 years ago in a movie theater. Apparently the shooter, a retired cop, had told the younger man to stop texting, and during the argument the victim threw popcorn at him.
Yeah, did you have to ask? Florida.

My friend Pat found this quote during a Parliamentary debate on whether or not to allow Trump a State visit to England, Paul Flynn of the Labour Party said ” the President’s intelligence level is protozoan”.
Only problem, Trump probably thinks “protozoan” is a compliment.

Clearly what Trump meant to say when he criticized Obama is that a President should only play golf on courses he owns.

#ChrisBrown‘s latest ex has had restraining order filed against him for alleged abuse. Congrats to all those who had 2/21/2017 in the pool.

Milo Yiannopoulos has “resigned” from Breitbart, “effective immediately.” So guess there really was a floor after all on “How low can you go?

The DOJ reports a Missouri man, Robert Hester, was charged after allegedly trying to launch a terrorist attack in the U.S. supporting ISIS (Fortunately, he was working with undercover law enforcement personnel instead of real terrorists.
Hester is a U.S. Citizen, born in Missouri. Yeah, those refugee and other visa bans are really going to keep us safe….

“When he said that the fake news media is not my enemy, it’s the enemy of the American people, I believe that crosses an important line. It’s a different thing when it’s a president — because if it’s a president you like trying to talk about the press being the enemy of the people, then it’s going to be a president you don’t like saying the same thing. And that’s very dangerous.”

Another commie-pinko attacking Trump? Nope. Chris Wallace of Fox News.’

So Trump is now tweeting angrily that “The so-called angry crowds in home districts of some Republicans are actually, in numerous cases, planned out by liberal activists. Sad!”
But everyone who shows up at his rallies is a hard-working decent American patriot. Got it.

In all seriousness, if one of the best ways to fight terrorism is for members of the community to come forward – “If you see something say something” – but coming forward might now get you deported, isn’t Trump working on making America much LESS safe?

 

Same people accusing media of inciting fear among immigrants and foreign-looking Americans with random stories of deportation seem to have no problem with Trump and company inciting fear with random and often fake stories of terrorism

Not quite free falling

Posted February 21, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Six teenagers rescued Monday by police after falling through thin ice on Central Park Pond. It was 55 degrees in New York today. Another Darwin “missed it by that much.”

OF Dexter Fowler, now with the Cardinals, is married to an Iranian woman. He told ESPN he was planning to bring their daughter to visit family, but canceled due to Trump’s travel ban. “It’s huge. “Especially anytime you’re not able to see family, it’s unfortunate,”
And for this he is being attacked by some St. Louis fans on social media. Yo, Dexter, if you want a change of scenery, SF fans would be THRILLED to have you.

 

 

 

Not a Curt Schilling fan, but after he defended Milo Yiannopoulos, without apparently hearing Milo’s remarks dismissing the idea pedophilia with 13-yr olds, Schilling sent an apologetic series of tweets ending with “I’ll accept any and all abuse thrown my way for not thoroughly going through ALL the material before responding.”
What a concept. A Twitter apology?

 

TSA left a security area open and unattended this morning at JFK this morning and 11 passengers walked through; Security cameras showed three set off the metal detector..
So wonder what agents were doing at the time, dumping dangerous bottles of water?

Lonzo Ball’s dad “”I’m going to tell you right now, he’s better than Steph Curry, to me. Here, put Steph Curry on UCLA’s team right now, put my boy on Golden State and watch what happens.”
Not sure about possible vaccines but we sure have a narcissism epidemic in this country..

Mike Pence “You can anticipate that the President and all of us will continue to call out the media when they play fast and loose with the facts.”
Exactly, playing fast and loose with the facts is Trump’s job.

Sacramento GM Vlade Divac today said the team traded Cousins because he thought future offers would be worse, as they had a “better trade offer for the star center two days earlier.
Well that should make disappointed Kings fans feel better…. #sarcasm

As of Feb 20,  San Francisco at full average rainfall total- for full season Jul 1-Jun 30. All this rain really getting in way of ark building.

Jackie Schlegel, executive director of an anti-vaccine group in Texas is angry because vaccine advocates want to “chip away” at parents’ right to choose.
The right to choose. Uh yeah, and she said it with a straight face. #GodBlessTexas

#HRMcMaster is Trump’s new National Security Advisor. Seems reasonable & capable. Did he give fake crazy answers in interview?

So Trump is firing people who made derogatory statements about him in the past. Back in Sept. Trump himself said “the generals have been reduced to rubble, reduced to a point where it is embarrassing for our country.” Just saying.

 

NBC News is reporting that Russian experts are preparing a dossier on Donald Trump’s psychological makeup for Putin. And a senior Kremlin advisor says “among its preliminary conclusions is that the new American leader is a risk-taker who can be naïve.”
What was their first clue?

#TrumpPresidentsDay. I cannot tell a lie. The cherry tree was chopped down by Islamic militants who immigrated to USA. I saw it on Fox News.

 

 

Give Trump credit, he might be the first U.S. President to start a war with Sweden.

In defense-ible

Posted February 20, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

So the meaningless NBA All-Star Game is over. Now we can get back to meaningless regular season games.

 

Well the East did hold the West under 200. #AllStarGame

 

You know, it would have been nice to have just one winter in California between those with  daily drought stories and this year’s daily storm alerts.

Time to start a pool: Where will Trump’s next fictitious terrorist attack supposedly take place?

 

But for now,  congrats to all those who had #Sweden in the Trump insult pool.

 

Has someone explained to @realDonaldTrump that it’s not really Swedish terrorism when you can’t figure out assembly instructions from Ikea?

Gaslighting appears to be so much a part of #Uber culture amazed that Travis Kalanick wasn’t offered position in a Trump cabinet.

Trump “you look at what’s happening #lastnightinSweden..” Another atrocity from the planners of the Bowling Green Massacre?

 

Trump loves to talk about fictitious terror attacks, but when it comes to actual massacre in Quebec City, crickets. Wonder why? #whiteguy

Back during the OJ trial, there were some African-Americans who thought he was guilty, but they were so unhappy with the police and the system that his acquittal was a happy change. Have to wonder if something like this is going on with Trump, that some of his supporters might think he is saying and doing crazy things, but having been so unhappy with the status quo, they’re still happy for the change.

Bus to hell from TC  “North Korean Dick Tater Kim Jong-un supposedly was behind his half-brother being poisoned at an airport in Malaysia. He denied any involvement, but a spokesperson said “It’s a dog eat dog world”.

 

Flat Earth Society

Posted February 18, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: basketball jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , ,

Uh oh, now it’s Draymond Green When asked if he, like Kyrie Irving, believes the world to be flat, Green replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t done enough research. But it may be flat.”
Speaking of research, maybe it wasn’t just the NFL that should have been paying attention to concussions?

 

Kyrie Irving came in second to Eric Gordon in the NBA All-Star 3 point shooting contest. That damn curvature of the earth strikes again.

 

Lebron James “Kyrie is my little brother. If he decides the earth is flat, that’s okay.”

Uh, isn’t one of the jobs of a big brother to tell a little brother when he’s being stupid?

Kyrie Irving is questioning whether dinosaurs existed. Fool, he could have just asked  Tim Duncan, who lived with them. @Spurs

No spring training games, NBA and college basketball games don’t mean anything yet….this is the time of year when ABC’s Wide World of Sports used to give up and show cliff diving.

Local NBC news talking about NBA All-Star weekend “The biggest party in the country is happening this weekend in New Orleans.” Excuse me, on most weekends, the biggest party in the country is happening  in New Orleans.

 

According to Melbourne Police, 9,000 attendees at #TrumpRally today. 9,000?! Even Miami Marlins are thinking that’s a small crowd.

 

Give  Trump credit. How long has it been since most Americans were genuinely disappointed that SNL was taking a weekend off?

Today is #NationalDrinkWineDay. Give @realDonaldTrump for increasingly at least one segment of retail sales.

Spotted at Trump rally in Florida, one man with a t-shirt for the conspiracy site InfoWars, while another wore a “Grab America by the Pussy” shirt. #stayclassy

Still attacking Hillary at #TrumpRally. Someone should tell this man that after winning, the true greats don’t keep dissing their opponents.

 

What is truly amazing is that a man who is basically a media creation views that media as the enemy.

Now Trump is talking about the “Southern White House” Jefferson Davis must be so proud.

 

Trump said he “inherited a mess.” From USA Today “Jobs have been growing for 75 straight months — a record.” Well, he’ll fix that.

#TrumpRally– “I am here because I want to be among my friends.” Anyone but me thinking someone should have given this man a puppy?

 

Trump says Obamacare is “a tragedy, a real tragedy.” Uh, no, Obamacare may be flawed; being without healthcare is a tragedy.

Flat and flat we go.

Posted February 17, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Kyrie Irving, who attended Duke, stated, “This is not a conspiracy theory. The Earth is flat.” If this doesn’t shatter myth of student athletes….

Chris Christie, on NY Sports radio declared “The Phillies suck.” In a tweet, the Phillies responded “We love our fans and appreciate their unwavering support as we “bridge” to a bright future! #wellplayed

Angry conservatives trashing Boston #Berklee college of music since they mistake if for Berkeley. Even Stanford fans going really? #spelling

Michael Floyd, released by the Arizona Cardinals after his arrest for “Extreme DUI,” but signed by the Patriots, has been sentenced to 120 days in jail. But he still gets his ring. Yeah, this will teach him.

New Trump martini: Stoli Ohranj with lots of bitters. After two you blame everyone who reminds you of what you said.

Trump rules. All of our White House memos are magic. Once they are leaked they become fake.

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CNN reports Shemichael Singleton, one of HUD Secretary Ben Carson’s top aides, has been fired after an article surfaced that he wrote before the election criticizing Donald Trump.
Uh, if criticizing Trump before the election is disqualifying, there’s going to be a long unemployment line in Washington.

Trump administration is denying an AP report that as many as 100,000 members of the National Guard may be deployed to round up undocumented people in 11 Western states.
What really gives the story the ring of truth, notice “Western” states. Heaven forbid Trump,a die-hard East Coaster, would do anything to affect his or his friends’ businesses.

.-

Apparently retail spending up in US. Makes sense, Trump supporters think he’s going to MAGA, rest of us think if world is ending spend away.

John McCain trashed Trump today in a Munich speech. Gosh, if a Senator only had some actual power to register a statement against the President.

 

New Trump martini: Stoli Ohranj with lots of bitters. After two you blame everyone who reminds you of what you said.

Distractions.

Posted February 17, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Pittsburgh police are allegedly considering multiple felony charges against Jets CB Darrelle Revis for his role in a “street altercation early Monday morning.”
Is this a shameless attempt to get the Knicks out of the NY headlines?

Barry Zito’s first album has now made the Billboard Country Music chart, debuting at #39.  39. What are the odds?  The same number as the speed of Zito’s fastball.

Any chance we can take a page from the @NBA and start instituting technical fouls for Presidents?

Tonight at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport a Frontier Airlines and Southwest flight clipped wings. No injuries, although both planes were evacuated. But presumably Southwest requested the video for a “wanna get away” commercial.

Delta is planning to add free meals back to long-haul flights within the US in coach class. Of course, any $20 or so increase in domestic fares would be purely a coincidence.

The #Thimble token has been voted out of the Monopoly game. And millennials are going “What’s a Thimble?”

The FBI arrested a avowed South Carolina white supremacist who was trying to buy a gun from an undercover agent. The man said he wanted to carry out an attack “in the spirit of Dylan Roof.”
But hey, he’s white. So no terrorism problem. Move along, nothing to see here.

As #Trump finds new media targets. remember old saying “If 1 person calls you an ass, ignore them, if 10 call you an ass, buy a saddle.”

Trump says his administration is running “like a fine-tuned machine.” Uh, more like a Rube Goldberg machine . #TrumpNewsConference

So was goal of #TrumpNewsConference to make @SNL give up because they can’t come up with satire stranger than reality?

#TrumpPressConference on Melania “She gets so unfairly maligned…” Guessing he hasn’t seen #FreeMelania movement?

Trump – “We’re gonna find the leakers. They’re going to pay a big price for leaking.” But the stuff they were leaking, on Russia, etc – Move along, nothing to see here.

Ret Vice Adm Bob Harward turned down Trump offer for National Security Advisor. CNN says he told friend it was “a “s*** sandwich,” #myhero

JudicialWatch estimated Obama’s travel expenses totaled $97 mill in 2 terms. Taking April 1 in pool for date Trump eclipses that.

A just released nearly 400 page FBI file details an investigation on Trump and his father Fred allegedly “not wanting to rent to blacks” in the 1970s. So this couldn’t have been announced in October along with Weiner’s emails?

April Ryan, a longtime White House reporter and Washington bureau chief for American Urban Radio Networks, is African American. She asked Trump today if he planned to include the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) “in your conversations with your urban agenda, your inner-city agenda.”
He responded by asking if they were “friends of yours,” &, “I tell you what, do you want to set up the meeting?”

So if John Boehner was still around would Trump ask him to set up a meeting with the Orange Caucus? #TrumpPressConference