Not the size of the dog in the fight.

Posted November 17, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Congrats to Jose Altuve on being AL MVP. Question of the night – is the trophy bigger than he is?

A Crimson Tide fan shot Auburn fan during argument over which team was better. Miss days when this would have been most embarrassing story out of Alabama.

Kevin Durant says “Ain’t no such thing” as loyalty in the NBA. Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker and Pop might disagree. #GoSpursGo

Does anyone about fans of the random teams that get picked for Thursday Night football actually care about the games?  Maybe the CFL would step in to offer alternatives without risk of injury to NFL stars?

South Carolina women’s championship basketball team declined White House invite. Does anyone think Trump knows who NCAA women’s champions ARE?

If it weren’t for the tax reform bills in Congress the situation between Roger Goodell and Jerry Jones might be top of the list for millionaire vs millionaire drama?

Apparently 210,000 gallons of oil leaked today from Keystone Pipeline in South Dakota. If only anyone had warned us about this?

 

Can Charles Manson go ahead and die? Because the world needs some good news.

Bummer on Al Franken. But would all potential 2020 Presidential candidates save us all time and stress and take a polygraph test on sexual harassment right now?

Jared Kushner has failed to hand over Wikileaks emails to the Senate Judiciary Committee. I’m sure it’s because he just didn’t recall.
20 more allegations on Spacey from a London theater. Waiting for the “hold my beer” moment involving Roy Moore.
So based on his tweets should we assume major accomplishment of Trump’s Asia trip was keeping 3 UCLA players out of Chinese jail?

Would Trump have been less judgmental on #AlFranken if Franken had only been heard saying he wanted to grab women by the pussy?

 

You know the one person besides Roy Moore who hasn’t apologized for sexual assault allegations again them is Donald Trump.

 

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Not so big ballers.

Posted November 15, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , ,

No way was China putting American basketball players in jail for 10 years. If NBA pulled their shoe factories would put tens of thousands of Chinese children out of work.

 

UCLA coach Steve Alford suspended 3 players caught shoplifting, they “will use this time to focus on their academics.” Players thinking-“what are academics?”

Without the three suspended players UCLA did pull out a win. In overtime. Against Central Arkansas.  So will the suspension be two or three games?

 

Hal Steinbrenner said he would have still fired Joe Girardi had Yankees won World Series. Even George would have thought that a bit harsh.

Ezekiel Elliott has withdrawn appeal & will serve his suspension. Which coincidentally will get him back just in time for playoffs. #Cowboys

Wouldn’t it be nice if the good citizens of Alabama surprise us and give #DougJones a resounding victory on Dec. 12?

In Tulsa a 26-year-old Democrat upset an incumbent GOP State Senator. Did I mention she is a woman.  Who is lesbian. Who has an African-American wife…. Oklahoma fabulously OK.

 

Trump  – America’s “‘standing’ has never been stronger than it is right now.” To quote Princess Bride, “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

Whole Foods/Amazon announced they’re lowering Thanksgiving prices. So this year you can finance your turkey without taking out a 2nd mortgage.

Charles Manson reportedly in “grave condition.” What a shame said absolutely, positively, nobody.

Pretty clear #CharlesManson has only lasted as long as he has because the devil doesn’t want him either.

Senate bill will eliminate taxes on management fee taxes paid by private jet owners. Finally, some serious middle-class tax relief.

Some saying in light of #RoyMoore situation we’re letting Bill Clinton get off too easy on assault allegations. Think Dems might change role of Bill in party now if GOP would change role of Trump.

 

#RoyMoore‘s lawyer, the allegations are “incredibly, incredibly, painful for him, his wife, his mom, his daughter, his grandchildren.” Uh, those girls are and/or were someone’s “wives, moms, daughter and grandchildren.”

Trump is now overturning Obama’s ban on importing elephant & rhino trophies. Normally a pacifist but about ready to throw something at next person who says Hillary & Trump were no different.

So many laws, so little time?

Posted November 14, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized

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Arkansas has suspended freshman QB Cole Kelley, 20, after a DWI arrest, for at least one game. Coach Bielema: “Starting games here is a very big deal. Social media and everything else around, he’s going to be held to a higher standard. … ”
A DWI arrest at 20? Higher standard than what?

UCLA players accused of shoplifting are on flights home. That’ll teach them – shoplift designer sunglasses & you could be forced to spent a week away from classes at a deluxe hotel.

On a lighter note, USA Today projections for 2017-18 Bowl Games. Holiday Bowl Dec 28 – Stanford vs Michigan. #HolyHarbaugh

France is apparently considering legalizing sex with 13 yr-olds. In related news #RoyMoore is considering retirement to Paris.

Shooter today in Rancho Tehama another angry white guy. Standby for more GOP thoughts & prayers,” & talk about mental illness while cutting funding for mental health.

Everyone who insists #RoyMoore‘s behavior was normal for Alabama at the time, forgets that people thought he was creepy AT THE TIME.

Now Paul Ryan is calling on Roy Moore to step aside. Unless he gets elected in which case  he’ll want Moore to resign after voting for tax cuts.

McConnell floating idea of Sessions as write-in candidate for Alabama Senate. Though apparently AG  has same possible Alzheimer’s memory problems as Moore. #ICantRecall

Paul Ryan “House will adopt a policy of mandatory anti-harassment & anti-discrimination training for all Members & staff. ” What about Oval Office?

Trump got off a plane tonight from the Philippines and promptly tweeted  “May God be with the people of Sutherland Springs, Texas. The FBI and Law Enforcement has arrived.”

 

Question of night, will @realDonaldTrump delete tweet referencing 9-day-old mass shooting instead of today’s, or double down on it?
#SutherlandSprings #RanchoTehama

Two men’s teams out.

Posted November 13, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

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Well, at least Italy and USA can get together for a serious pizza & beer World Cup watching party.

Question of the night – How did the Dolphins manage to win 4 games?

Knicks  blew 15 point lead in 4th quarter tonight to lose by 3 to Cavs. Who do they think they are, the Atlanta Falcons?

So does the “Citizen of the Year” cover mean GOP will boycott GQ too?

Trump reportedly asked Chinese President Xi to help resolve UCLA basketball shoplifting case. Because what could come of having young men grow up thinking laws don’t apply to them?

Amazing, now the Twitter bots are on to Bill Clinton allegations. Last I heard he isn’t running for Senate.

Few could believe Catholic Church could so dishonor their own religion by turning a blind eye to pedophiles. Alabama pastors “Hold our beer.”

Keurig CEO Bob Gamgort said company didn’t intend to “take sides” w/ Roy Moore. Are there “many fine people on both sides” of adults dating teenagers?

 –
Can’t wait for some Trump/Moore supporter to say that yearbook note was somehow forged by same person who forged Obama’s birth certificate.

Now Fox News accusing GOP who condemn Moore of being hypocrites for not condemning George H.W. Bush. Groping is not OK, even for an old man. But H.W. is not now running for Senate.

Trump nominates Alex Azar as HHS Secretary. “He will be a star for better healthcare & lower drug prices.” Right, because who lowers drug prices better than an pharmaceutical executive?

Imagine GOP response if Chelsea Clinton had been found to be communicating with Wikileaks?

On Roy Moore, again. One is a mistake, two is really bad judgment….four is a pattern. Where there’s four there’s more.

If #RoyMoore does somehow withstand scandal & gets elected assume GOP in Senate embrace him at least as long as it takes to get tax cuts?

Just guessing even if #RoyMoore wins his offer will be turned down to play Santa Claus at White House Christmas Party.

(Though perhaps he might get the gig at Mar-A-Lago)

 

As a 1977 high school graduate I don’t remember every inscription in my yearbook. But pretty damn sure there’s none from a 30 year old man signed “Love.”

Missing it by that much?

Posted November 13, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , ,

Once again, looking like #49ers will come up just short in their quest for the #1 NFL draft pick.

A New Jersey bar owner said he boycotted NFL Veteran’s Day weekend over players kneeling during anthem. Either that or because @nyjets & @Giants both suck?

In NFC, Rams, Vikings and Saints all leading their divisions. Just like the preseason pundits predicted.

49ers fans thrilled about 1st week of season without a loss. And next week the team has pretty good chance against “Bye Week.”

There was a streaker on the field late in 4th quarter in Buffalo. He had a better running day than the Bills offense against the Saints.

Butch Jones, w/ 4-6 record this year, has been fired as head football coach at Tennessee. #Browns fans wonder, was he fired for over-achieving?

Just wondering, how drunk do you have to be to be thrown out of a bar in Las Vegas? #OJSimpson

 

Oh please oh please let someone ask Trump about Keurig? “Never met them, the allegations are false.”

 

If you #BoycottKeurig does that mean you spend more money at #Starbucks? Being conservative at times must be so confusing.

Thinking there’s going to be a real market for someone who can fix broken Keurigs when some angry conservatives calm down & miss their coffee.

Damn, with Trump supporters attacking #NFL and #Keurig what’s a liberal worried about CTE who doesn’t like pretentious coffee to do?

Lost w/ all attention given to @realDonaldTrump’s “short & fat” comment on Kim Jong-Un is other tweet complaining Hillary had “no chemistry” w/ Putin.

Authorities say 50 pounds of cocaine washed up on a central Florida beach. Talk about a high-tide.

Now Roy More defenders trying to discredit his 1st accuser by bringing up her divorces. Maybe “dating” him at 14 DID mess her up for life?

To me  his 1st accuser being divorced 3 times actually makes her more credible. Being sexual w/ a 32 yr old at 14 would screw a lot of women up.

 

Would #RoyMoore supporters be more likely to believe allegations if Moore were a customer of Hillary’s pedophile-run pizza parlor? #pizzagate #sarcasm

Do we really expect a man who said he’d date his daughter to condemn Roy Moore over pursuing teenage girls?

 

So Trump is insulting former CIA/FBI guys -, Clapper, Brennan, Comey and Mueller. What could possibly go wrong?

 

Not a “thoughts & prayers” kind of gal but maybe those who are could spare some “thought & prayers” after earthquake for people in Iraq and Iran.

Lonely at the top.

Posted November 11, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , ,

 

Wondering how many in Alabama would have been more upset if Crimson Tide lost than to find out they might be electing a sexual predator Senator.

I suppose it was too much to ask for that two undefeated SEC teams lose in on the same day? #Georgia #Bama

Well, at least this embarrassment for Georgia on the football field didn’t involve a 4th quarter collapse in the Super Bowl.

So is there still a chance Notre Dame and Georgia could meet in the  “Over-rated” Bowl?

I’m sure LSJUMB will take the high road over Fighting Irish blowout loss in Miami when Notre Dame plays Stanford in two weeks.

Did someone tell Michigan State players they had a bye week this week.  (Ohio State 48, MSU 3.)

Wonder why NFL TV ratings down? Only free option for those near NYC/SF Sunday afternoon not Cowboys-Falcons or Texans-Rams but Giants-49ers.

UCLA players accused of shoplifting, from as many as 3 different stores, remain at Hyatt in China. Gosh, hope this doesn’t interfere w/ their studies.

#Cardinals already w/o Carson Palmer, now QB Drew Stanton injured; they will reportedly sign Matt Barkley. Kaepernick remains on list just below chopped liver.

Alabama GOP position is that a 14-yr-old girl is adult enough to make her own choices about sex until she gets pregnant.

Across America some 14 yr-old girls are just trying to convince their parents they should be allowed to date 15-yr-old boys.

Some in GOP floating idea of delaying Alabama Senate special election. If this works will Trump try to delay 2020 election at least a few years?

Bromance between Trump and Putin continues. How long until Vlad is named an honorary co-host of Fox and Friends?
Trump on Putin’s being accused of election meddling -“I think he’s very insulted by it.” What’s Russian word for “snowflake.”

 

Trump complains about Kim Jong-Un calling him “old,” says he wouldn’t call Korean leader “short & fat.” Is this US President or Alec Baldwin on SNL cold open?

But hey, is that what POTUS meant by “progress not provocation?”

Tweet tweeted “Met with President Putin of Russia who was at #APECmeetings.” President Putin “of Russia.” Are there any Americans who don’t know who Vlad is?

Trump on his Asia trip – “Well a lot of people said it is almost physically impossible for someone to go through 12 days.” And we were worried about Hillary’s health?”

Rest of world going ahead with TPP and Paris Climate Accord. #MAIA – Make American Isolated Again.

Silver lining for GOP with Roy Moore: Nobody is tweeting about their proposed tax relief for millionaires.

After midnight.

Posted November 11, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

What if you upset a top 10 team and no one was awake to see it.  #Stanford  #Washington

But yeah, that moment when #Stanford upsets top 10 #UW team & @ESPN doesn’t even mention it on their site. What East Coast bias?

Stanford football tickets have individual players’ pictures on them along with their majors. Just guessing that doesn’t happen in SEC. #nerdnation

Stanford frosh basketball star Kezie Okpala basketball will “sit out of competition” indefinitely due to low grade in his spring semester High School AP calculus course. At Kentucky they’re going “whats a calculus course?”‘

#RoyMoore in Oct on NFL players kneeling “It’s against the law, you know that. It was a act of Congress that every man stand and put their hand over their heart. That’s the law.” Sounds like Moore very unclear on legal use of hands.

 

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said his proposed lawsuit against NFL has nothing to do w/ Zeke suspension. Then he went off to work on his bridge sale in Brooklyn.

Maybe US women’s Gymnastics should look seriously into the possibility of using women doctors? #AlyRaisman

Got to love targeted Twitter advertising. Write a joke about UCLA players shoplifting Louis Vuitton sunglasses, get an ad for an LV purse.

Say one thing about Hollywood, when they now discover a sexual predator, they are more likely to dump him than compare him to father of Jesus. #RoyMoore

Here’s a hint. If you’re an adult man & you think you need to ask a girl’s mother for permission to date her, she’s too young. Period.

Ok all you 30-something men who want to date teenagers, just make sure their parents are Republicans.  Then it’ll be fine.

Still trying to wrap my head around many in Alabama preferring their teenage daughters date a 30-something man than girl their own age.

There is some particular irony for President Bone Spurs ending up in Vietnam on #VeteransDay.

 

#LouisCK “These stories are true.” That moment when a sexual predator comedian has more integrity than a man who wants to be Senator. #RoyMoore

Steve Bannon compares Roy Moore allegations to the Access Hollywood Trump tape. Yep. #predatorsofafeather