Against all odds

Posted February 15, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized

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Tiger Woods is 20-1 in Las Vegas to win a major in 2017. A major what?

 

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is upset that the NFL might not award future Super Bowls to the state if an anti-transgender bathroom bill passes: “The NFL needs to concentrate on playing football and get the heck out of politics.”
Uh huh. Just guessing most Texans would go for rainbow pins and unisex bathrooms if the alternative is giving up any football.

At a Louisiana high school, Alabama has been banned from campus because of “unethical football recruiting practices.” I’m sure it’s just coincidence that the school is in Baton Rouge.  (home of LSU)

Trump says that unlike President Obama he is not going to publicly fill out a March Madness bracket. But no doubt  he will tell us after the tournament that of course he picked all the winners. A perfect score, the best ever.

Apparently quite a number of celebrities have volunteered to play Trump aides on SNL. The show is getting to be almost as cool again for a cameo as the Simpsons. (or decades ago, Batman.)

Senate voted to block Obama rule prohibiting people w/ serious mental disorders from buying guns. What could go wrong?

All these headlines “Andrew Puzder withdraws” Too bad Frederick Trump didn’t.

Andrew Puzder, who according to CBS News told friends he was “very tired of the abuse” he was getting, is withdrawing his nomination as Labor Secretary. Great choice of words for a man who admitted to employing an undocumented housekeeper and has been accused of domestic violence against his ex-wife.

Who knew an act of resistance might become simply buying a copy of the @NYTimes or @washingtonpost?

 

Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is being considered for ambassador to France. Tonight Jared Kushner’s father Charles, a convicted felon who’s served prison time, said his family has decided not to try to buy the team.
So at least for now, MLB remains a Trump-free zone. #smallmercies

Trump is now tweeting that NSA &d FBI are “just like Russia.” Well that ought to improve his relations with the intelligence community.

Well, well, well… someone finally remembered where he put his backbone – John McCain says he will oppose confirmation of Trump budget nominee Mick Mulvaney

As of Oct. 2015, there were 8 investigations into Benghazi.  Led by same people who don’t think it’s worth spending time on Russia & election

GOP Reps. Jason Chaffetz and Bob Goodlatte today asked the Inspector General to “begin an immediate investigation into whether classified information was mishandled” with the leaks that led to Michael Flynn’s resignation.
Funny, I missed their outrage when Trump asked Russia to find Hillary’s missing emails.

 

 

Falling towards spring.

Posted February 15, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , ,

Royals pitcher Brian Flynn apparently injured himself by falling through the roof of his barn. Was he washing his truck at the time?

Magic Johnson says on fixing the Lakers that he “wants Kobe to be a part of it.” Well, guess Magic doesn’t think one problem is team chemistry.

The Marlins have lifted their ban on facial hair. So did the team decide they might as well mollify players since they won’t get a chance for playoff beards.

 

All outraged people out there, write yourselves a note, do whatever you need to put it in calendar for next election. “VOTE VOTE VOTE.”

Okay, is it too soon to start a pool on when #kelleyannconway might resign to spend more time with her family?

So is it too early to add @realDonaldTrump to Trump administration resignation bingo game?

 

What if this was all simply a plot to put Mike Pence in the White House?

Trump tweeting his Nothing-to-see-here with Michael Flynn. “The real story here is why are there so many illegal leaks coming out of Washington? Will these leaks be happening as I deal on N.Korea etc?”
Uh, Donald, who needs illegal leaks when you share your dealings with N. Korea with everyone in the MarALago dining room?

Sean Spicer says Flynn resigned. Kellyanne Conway says Trump asked him to resign. Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon better not plan on any Saturday nights off for a while.

So Kellyanne Conway says Flynn resigned because he “knew he’d become a lightning rod.” And he was making the other lightning rods jealous?

Sean Spicer “Irony of situation is President has been incredibly tough on Russia.” Is this some weird political remake of 50 Shades?

 

Sean Spicer -Trump “had an incredibly productive set of meetings & discussions w/ Prime Minster Joe Trudeau of Canada.” To be fair, neither Spicer nor Trump speak Canadian.

CNN is reporting Moscow has deployed a cruise missile in an apparent treaty violation. Uh oh, does that mean Trump might threaten not to send Putin as big a bouquet next Valentine’s Day?

 

 

William Henry Harrison, 32 days, shortest Presidential term ever. So @realDonaldTrump still has 7 days to break record.

from don sherman

“A lot of people are upset that President Trump a phone call on an unsecured phone in front of hundreds of people. REALLY!!!

They should be questioning was, at the time they just served a wedge of ICEBERG lettuce with Blue Cheese dressing.
Iceberg lettuce is the cheapest, least nutritious there is. It cost about a dollar ahead, and can produce 6-8 wedges per head. And he is using it for a state dinner? And an even more important question.

Did it come from California or MEXICO?”

Three and out.

Posted February 14, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that Warriors managing to lose to Nuggets by 22 points would have been best #WTF comedy fodder of night.

But seriously, a Warriors-Nuggets game MIGHT have been projected as a chance for the all-time NBA three-point record in one game to be tied – just not by Denver.  (24 tonight)

 

Okay, now it’s serious. Donald Trump has to stop grabbing headlines, especially with New York papers. Because Derek Jeter and his wife are having a baby. #Letsfocusontheimportantstuff

Rotten apple story of the day. Although sad, because he probably was abused himself. Jeffrey Sandusky, 41, Jerry’s son, has been arrested and charged with 14 counts of sexual offenses involving children.

·-

If Trump’s going to do Presidential business in public at #MaraLago maybe activists should apply for positions as waiters?

 

Now Burlington has stopped selling Ivanka Trump products on line. Standby for angry tweets as soon as Trump figures out what Burlington is.

So we now know answer to a future trivia question, who was 1st person to resign or be fired from Trump administration?

 

So let’s see, because Hillary was careless enough to have her emails on a private server, we ended up with a National Security Advisor who was talking illegally with Russia. And he’s likely to be replaced by a man who was sharing classified information with his mistress. What a country.

Stephen Miller  “The powers of the president…will not be questioned.”  Would be nice to have feeling that anyone in administration has read Constitution.

 

Trump apparently using an unsecured Android phone. Hmm, is it really good idea to be alienating high tech folks in California? #Hackers

 

Bummer,  Michael Flynn resigns before @SNL has time to figure out which woman would have played him on next week’s show.

Michael Flynn has resigned. Congrats to all those who had Feb 13 in the pool.

 –

 

“I inadvertently briefed the Vice President Elect and others with incomplete information regarding my phone calls with the Russian Ambassador. ”
“Inadvertently briefed” and “incomplete information.” Doesn’t Flynn know the password is “alternative facts?”

Now Trump’s Labor Secretary pick Andrew Puzder’s nomination may apparently be in trouble. Hmm, dealings with Russia, no experience with what the department does, complete incompetence…. all those are fine, but hiring an undocumented housekeeper might be disqualifying?

 

Former Goldman Sachs exec Mnuchin confirmed as Treasury secretary. Must make those folks who voted against Hillary over her speeches proud

Happy pitchers and catchers report day

Posted February 12, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Tags: , , ,

The REAL sign of Spring.

Meanwhile….

Once again, those Grammys moments when you not only aren’t a fan of the winners, but you have no idea who some of them are.

 

Question of the day from the younger generation “What the heck is a ‘record’?” #GRAMMYs

Spurs were upset this afternoon by the Knicks at Madison Square Garden.  But to be fair, it’s hard to focus on basketball when you visit the circus.

 

Bill Littlejohn wonders if we can call the latest Knicks drama “Oakley’s Believe it or Not?”

 

Wonder how many Americans who talk about throwing all the undocumented workers out and only buying “Made in America” are okay with $10 strawberries and $1000 phones. For starters.

 

Kellyanne Conway says she apologized to Trump after saying “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff.” Because she should have said “Go buy other Trump stuff too?”

I’ll believe Trump’s immigration reform isn’t racist when we start seeing #ICERaids on pubs frequented by English and Irish ex-pats.

So would Trump care to explain how he’s going to build his wall under budget without foreign materials & immigrant labor?

 

So Trump apparently took the call about North Korea’s missile launch on a mobile phone during dinner in the main Mar-a-Lago dining room. Hope as far as national security Trump is practicing extreme vetting in hiring waiters and busboys.

Mark Cuban to CEO’s-. “Do what you think is right. “Be an American citizen first. In the bigger scheme of things, our country benefits from peaceful activism a lot more than it benefits from one more shoe being sold, or one more basketball ticket being sold, for that matter.”
And now he’s is a Trump Twitter target.
Who’d a thunk it, Mark Cuban as the voice of reason?

As an admitted Obama Girl since 2007, I do admit, Barack never did as good a job as Trump in making @SNL must-watch TV.

 

 

Last night’s @SNL ratings were the highest in 6 years. #MakeSNLGreatAgain.

Post mortems, musical and otherwise.

Posted February 11, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Grammys start  Sunday at 5p PST. The “In Memoriam” segment should be done by 8p.

Knicks owner James Dolan has now banned former star Charles Oakley from Madison Square Garden. Is Dolan trying to compete with the Redskins’ Dan Snyder for the title of most hated owner in pro sports?

SF Giants are inviting Barry Bonds as a special instructor in Spring Training. Instructor? Based on last year thinking Bonds could still out hit most of the team

Silly talk about Patriots players setting record for not showing up for White House visit w/ Trump. Record will be eclipsed shortly by NBA

So some folks are upset because the Naperville Rib Fest has booked Toby Keith for their opening night concert.in June, since he also performed at the inaugural. Really? No one is making anyone buy tickets. Seems more interesting that the best gig the country singer can now get is the Naperville Rib Fest.

An Orlando Police officer resigned a week after being reprimanded for arresting a man when she mistook doughnut glaze in his car for methamphetamine. Guess she couldn’t face being known as a cop who couldn’t recognize something from doughnuts?

You’d think if Democrats could pay all these protestors they’d have just paid people back in Nov. to vote for Hillary.

While Trump was not wearing an earpiece while Japanese PM Shinzo Abe was speaking Friday, the President was seen smiling and nodding during the speech. Probably because he was agreeing with the voices in his head.

Wonder how many games of golf Trump is on pace for…?

 

Just imagine if Obama had a place he referred to as “Winter White House” that had $200,000 initiation dues. #MaraLago 

 

Wonder when Trump will present Ivanka with a Purple Heart for all the suffering she has endured.

From TC : “Trump’s travel ban has enraged the Twitter-in-chief to tweet SEE YOU IN COURT in all caps, as he wants to take the issue to the Supreme Court of the US of A. He then tweeted: First I have to go BUY A NEW SUIT AT NORDSTROMS!”

Limping towards the weekend.

Posted February 9, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Did Bud Selig leave idea of starting a runner at 2nd in @MLB extra innings in a farewell note in the new Commissioner’s desk?

Spring Training starts next week.  About time. February is kind of a comedy wasteland for sports humor.  Although to be fair, in New York, the Knicks and Nets are doing their part.

Anyone who follows my FB feed knows I argue with my father all the time on social media. Have to wonder, what would it take for Ivanka to say “Dad, just STFU?”

And the classiness just keeps on coming. Kellyanne Conway this morning on “Fox and Friends: “Go buy Ivanka’s stuff. I hate shopping, but I’m going to get some myself today. It’s a wonderful line. I own some of it. I’m going to give a free commercial here. Go buy it everybody. You can find it online

But really, did KellyAnne Conway expect women would take fashion advice from a woman who wore a high school band uniform to inauguration?

Trump will do anything to get people to buy Ivanka’s clothes except order her to have them made in America

 

Uh, oh, so did our President just commit billions to California? In a meeting with airline execs, when “you go to China, you go to Japan, they have fast trains all over the place. I don’t want to compete with your business, but we don’t have one fast train,”
Paging Jerry Brown.

Now Trump back to tweeting John McCain is a loser. Wonder how far he has to go before McCain might actually vote against him in Senate

Another angry Trump tweet -“Sen. Richard Blumenthal, who never fought in Vietnam when he said for years he had (major lie), now misrepresents what Judge Gorsuch told him?
Shouldn’t Vietnam expert Trump be commending Blumenthal on his alternative facts?

 

Nordstrom stock up 4% yesterday, and up again today. Just saying.

Could #BettyWhite on @SNL play someone in Trump administration. Because I really would like to see him DARE go after her.

 

So is @realDonaldTrump calling new AG Sessions asking him how to fire judges?

 

Let’s get to the real outrage: Donald Trump’s Twitter tantrums keeping internet from fully enjoying George & Amal Clooney’s pregnancy.

I believe in the church of baseball

Posted February 9, 2017 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , ,

Baseball will test a rule in the minors automatically to put a runner on 2nd base starting in extra innings. Where is Kevin Costner and his Bull Durham rant when we REALLY need him. “I believe in the soul….”

Lefthanded pitcher Javier Lopez, 39, has announced his retirement from MLB. “So young?” responded Jamie Moyer.

The Cleveland Browns have reduced prices on 40% of their season tickets. It’s a good start. How long until the team starts paying people to show up?

Sean Spicer is talking about terror attack on #Atlanta. Ok, it was awful, but maybe he should “dial it back” a bit about the ending of the Super Bowl.

Former Knicks star Charles Oakley, 53 was arrested at MSG and charged with assault after “screaming abuse” at owner James Dolan, and fighting with security guards. Long-suffering NY fans have to be thinking, he put up a better fight than the team usually does.

When Jeff Sessions is sworn in as Attorney General will they raise the Confederate Flag at the U.S. Capitol?

Many parents have a memory of toddler pushing limits w/ increasing craziness just to see how far s/he could go. Now we just turn on news in the morning….

 

Reports are that at least two candidates have turned Donald Trump down to be White House communications director. Presumably they prefer something like a janitorial job at the National Zoo, where they could clean up after real elephants.

Now Trump is angrily tweeting about Nordstrom for dropping his daughter’s clothing line “My daughter Ivanka has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!”
So good to see the President focused on the really important issues of our time.

So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

So now Trump’s blast at Nordstrom has been retweeted by the official @Potus account. Can only imagine what happens if stores stop selling his Trump branded steaks, wine, etc. Wait, is anyone actually selling them now?

So after tweeting “If the ban were announced with a one week notice, the “bad” would rush into our country during that week. A lot of bad “dudes” out there! Trump is now saying that he wanted to give a month’s notice on the travel ban, but was overruled by “law enforcement officials.”
Wow. The buck apparently stops under the bus with whoever he throws there.

So at what point in Northern California will the nightly storm stories on the news make us just a bit nostalgic for drought stories?

The British Guardian newspaper reports on a rumor that Trump will appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada. Is this part of a Trump secret plan to build a Northern wall, and have Canada pay for it?