Reaching the goal-ed

Posted August 20, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , ,

‪#‎Brazil‬ wins soccer gold on penalty kick. Casual fans who only watch soccer in ‪#‎Olympics‬ or ‪#‎WorldCup‬ fans thinking “Is there any other way?

Nine Australian athletes who wanted to see their basketball team play Serbia were charged with “tampering with their credentials” to get into the area. Police fined them about $3,000 each. Would have been a lot cheaper to use a scalper.

Two of the U.S. swimmers involved in ‪#‎Lochtegate‬ released their own statements – Gunnar Bentz is insisting guns were drawn on them. Jack Conger apologized for the “trouble and embarrassment this event has brought to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro, and the distraction to my fellow Olympicians, then added he was only a witness, not a suspect and was “completely truthful.”
What part of saying “We were wrong, I am sorry” and then shutting up do these guys not get?

Six Notre Dame football players were arrested last night, one for “battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement” and five when they were stopped for speeding and police allegedly found a handgun and marijuana in the car.
So let’s figure out how coach Brian Kelly manages to suspend them for the first quarter of the Nevada game.

Right about now the ‪#‎Reds‬ should be expecting nice gift baskets from the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. ‪#‎BeatLA‬

 

A self-proclaimed white supremacist is in jail after stabbing an inter-racial couple when he saw them kissing in Olympia, Washington. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

#‎Zika‬ travel advisory for pregnant women to avoid Miami Beach. What about women who go to South Beach to party etc & come back pregnant?

Trump supporter actress Kirstie Alley is ripping President Obama for not visiting Louisiana, and when told that state Gov. John Edwards had asked him to wait, responded “that wouldn’t stop me.”
Right, because what’s more important, rescuing people and property or a photo op?

Political consultant Bill Briggs on CNN slamming President Obama for not going to Baton Rouge. Never heard of the guy so I googled him. One of his past jobs – “VP Advance Representative
Office of the Vice President – 2004 – 2009.” Yep, a completely impartial observer….. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

Just imagine ‪#‎Trump‬ ad if ‪#‎Obama‬ had gone to Baton Rouge. “This guy cares more about image than people, wasted responder-police time….

 

Credit where credit is due from T.C.  ” US 4×100 relay team stops short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”

Mistakes were made.

Posted August 19, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Usain Bolt won another gold medal for Jamaica. Pretty sure Bolt won’t be accused of recent marijuana use, imagine by much more he’d have won. #Rio2016

 

US men were DQ’ed in 4 by 100 relay. Thanks to  Ryan Lochte for  making sure this isn’t most embarrassing American men’s team story of these Olympic games.

=

Only US Olympian who might be happy about #LochteGate? #HopeSolo. #Rio2016

Nothing against Team USA men’s basketball in Rio. But rooting for them seems about as anticlimatic as rooting for Joey Chestnut in a county fair eating contest.

Ryan Lochte took to Instagram to apologize for not being more “candid.” He’s either trying to salvage his endorsements or laying the groundwork for a long career in politics.

Gold medalist Jimmy Feigen left Brazil, after he “donated” over $10,000 to a charity in exchange for his passport. And the USOC has indicated they may sanction the swimmers. Ryan Lochte also stands to lose endorsements. That bathroom is ending up being a very expensive pay toilet.

James Harrison, named in the Al Jazeera PED report, says he welcomed an “open” investigation, but (again) called Roger Goodell a “crook.” Wonder how much Harrison will get fined for that.

Donald Trump last night acknowledged that “I sometimes say the wrong thing.”
Many in the GOP are thinking, yeah, like “Today I announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States.”

Paul #Manafort is out of @realDonaldTrump’s campaign. So congrats to all those who had Aug 19 in the pool

#Uber is launching a test fleet of robot taxis. So yet another step closer to getting through days without talking to another human.

 

Who says I never say anything nice about Catholic schools? But well-played: A Catholic high school for boys in Arkansas posted this sign on their door “”If you are dropping off your son’s forgotten lunch, books, homework, equipment etc., please TURN AROUND and exit the building. Your son will learn to problem-solve in your absence.”
Wonder how many parents asked if it meant they could have these things shipped by Amazon Same-Day?

In 2011, the Texas legislature slashed funding to family planning clinics in the state by 66 percent and many clinics closed. From 2011 to 2015 almost twice is many women died in pregnancy or soon after childbirth as the preceding four years. (537 from 296). Once again four words. “Pro Life My Ass.”

Colin Powell today in a statement said he told Hillary in a memo once that using personal email “vastly improved” communications within the State department.
Just another commie-pinko Clinton apologist….

 

Donald Trump today to black voters “”You’re living in poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs, 58% of your youth is unemployed — what the hell do you have to lose?” Well, at least he didn’t reminisce about the good old days of slavery.

When you gotta go.

Posted August 19, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

But really, this swimming incident would never happen with the U.S. women’s team. If the bathroom was locked they’d take turns peeing in the bushes while someone acted as lookout. ‪#‎womenaresmarter‬

 

Forget transgenders, clearly the most dangerous people near bathrooms are male Olympic swimmers. ‪#‎LochteGate‬ ‪#‎Rio2016‬

 

 

#‎RyanLochte‬ motto “Winning a gold medal means never having to say you’re sorry.” ‪#‎Rio2016‬

Next up from @NBCOlympics, an exclusive ‪#‎RyanLochte‬ interview by Brian Williams?

Somewhere ‪#‎MichaelPhelps‬ is thinking “You know, those 2 simple DUIs don’t seem so bad any more.” ‪#‎RyanLochte‬ ‪#‎Rio2016‬

And a lot of football players are reading about #Lochtegate and thinking  “and we’re supposed to be the stupid ones?”

Most amazing thing about the US swimmers and their “robbery” is that when their veracity was questioned, they doubled down on the story. Two thoughts -maybe they spend so much time in the pool they aren’t aware of a newfangled invention called security video? And these guys may have a great future in politics.

#‎Platformdiving‬ doesn’t look that hard. As in, I could dive off the board into pool feet first & not kill myself. Maybe. ‪#‎RioOlympics2016‬

 

Oops, another Olympic lying scandal? 
Michelle Obama tweeted congrats to Aly Raisman and asked “what healthy foods keep you fueled as you go for gold. Raisman tweeted back “Salmon, avocado, whole wheat bread, almonds, pineapples & Greek yogurt.” Then, oops, Aly remembered…. “@FLOTUS Ignore our recent tweet about eating fries & ice cream. Sometimes u gotta splurge. Moderation, right?😂🙈🙈😂

 

Tonight was ‪#‎JerryGarcia‬ tribute night at ‪#‎ATTPark‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans were  grateful  the team didn’t play like they were dead.

(Jake Peavy, btw, had a tie-dye shirt under his uniform.)

Pastor Darrell Scott, a rare African-American Trump supporter, thinks the Donald’s problem is “Black people believe satire, black people believe parody. ”
And black people, like white people, also believe their ears. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

 

#‎LochteGate‬ getting so much attention @realDonaldTrump will need to say something truly outrageous to knock US swimming out of headlines.

 

 

Tom Brady missed tonight’s Patriots Bears game after he sliced his right thumb getting dirt out of a cleat. Gisele: “my husband cannot throw the football and clean his shoes at the same time.”.

In eight years, Mylan has raised the price of EpiPens from about $100 to $500, and up. Is the pharmaceutical company now partially owned by Martin Shkreli?

 

Some criticism of Obama for not cutting his vacation short to visit flooded areas in Louisiana, even though the state’s governor said “Quite frankly that is not something that I want to go through right now. While the president is welcome to visit, I would just as soon he give us another a week or two, get back to a greater sense of normalcy here.”
And of course if Obama did go he’d be criticized for wasting police time that could be better spent helping flood victims.

Handcuffs are rings, right?

Posted August 17, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

North Korean gymnast Ri Se-Gwang won a gold medal on the vault today, but appeared to be crying sadly on the podium. Probably because he wasn’t able to vault far enough from the guards who will be returning him to North Korea.

Members of the Irish Olympic Committee, including one on the IOC E-board, have been accused by Brazilian police of a scalping scheme involving more than 1,000 tickets. There’s corruption in the IOC? Wonder if they’re sponsoring gambling in Casablanca too?

A reigning Olympic diving champion today ended with an amazing belly-flop in the semi-finals. So Ilya Zakharov won’t get a medal. But he has a great chance to win a t-shirt in Carnival Cruises pool games.

Now there’s breaking news that a Brazilian judge has issued a search and seizure warrant for two of the swimmers who said they were robbed in Rio. Made-for-tv movie in 3-2-1…?

 

LeBron James on Team USA “Every time I watch ’em, I wish I was out there.” Uh, does King James mean playing basketball or hanging out on the luxury ship and playing beach volleyball?

Lebron James said his goal is to “own a team.” Well, actually the Cavs owned a lot of teams last season.

#‎SFGiants‬ weren’t as good as they looked 1st half of season. But can’t be as bad as they look in 2nd half. 1962 ‪#‎Mets‬ weren’t even THIS bad.

#‎MattCain‬ allows 6 runs in 1 inning on 2 hits. Flashback to that 1st year of Little League when kids graduated from coach pitch. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Phrase I DON’T want to hear on @SFGiants postgame show. ‪#‎MattCain‬ (as opposed to fill-in-the-blank) pitched better than score indicated.”

Stop the presses, the ‪#‎SFGiants‬  did get a hit in the first inning with a runner in scoring position.

A new Public Policy Polling survey found that three out of five Trump supporters in Texas want to secede if Hillary is elected. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country. ‪#‎letmypeoplego‬

 

Curt Schilling says he’s considering running for Senate to unseat Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts. Can’t wait for her to tell him to put a bloody sock in it.

Major shake-up this morning in the @realDonaldTrump campaign. Clearly this is @HillaryClinton’s fault

New ‪#‎Trump‬ campaign CEO is Steve Bannon, head of ‪#‎Breitbart‬ News. So guess we’ve found one media outlet the Donald won’t be now attacking

 

So @realDonaldTrump is on his 3rd campaign manager & it’s only Aug. Who knew in a few short months he could have more managers than wives?

Donald Trump apparently sent out a 30 question survey to his supporters asking for help with the campaign. Question 1 is “Which issues are most important to you?” Not listed – “I just don’t want to vote for Hillary.”

 

While Donald Trump makes headlines nearly every day with some outrageous comment, Hillary Clinton continues to run a largely cautious campaign. Clearly she has no regard for US comedy writers – whatever will we do if she is elected? ‪#‎WewillalwayshaveBIll‬?

Beached?

Posted August 17, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

So the US women’s beach volleyball team will not even play for the Gold in this Olympics?  Well, if global warming was real, American weather would have been hot enough and not lulled the women into a false sense of security?  Clearly this is Obama’s fault. #sarcasm

 

Another good day for American women gymnasts. Which should be very inspiring to young girls in the US to watch. Both of them whose parents let them stay up until 1130p. ‪#‎NBCtapedelaysucks‬

Some people are upset about Bahaman sprinter Shaunae Miller’s dive for the gold medal in the women’s 400 meters that barely beat Allyson Felix for the gold. Mostly Americans who wish Felix had thought of it first.

 

Irish boxer Michael Conlan, who lost a controversial decision to a Russian angrily tweeted out to Putin ““How much did they charge you bro?” And the Russian president is thinking “hey, if I could don’t you think I’d have paid the IOC to let our track and field team compete first?

For 1st time as Michigan coach, ‪#‎JimHarbaugh‬ stormed out of press conference. So congrats to all those who had Aug 16 in the pool. ‪#‎MGoBlue‬

Buffalo Bills DT Marcell Dareus has been suspended again, this time 4 games, for violating the NFL substance-abuse policy, allegedly with marijuana. So when pot is legal in most states will we look back at these suspensions and think “How quaint?”

Jonathan Papelbon has interest from “multiple clubs” and expects to sign with a new team within 24 hours. Who knew cancer could be selective?

“Many people are saying” that Roger Ailes is advising Donald Trump before the Presidential debates. The Trump campaign is denying the rumors, but if true might explain why the Donald has his beautiful daughter out of the country on vacation.

 

Rick Perry today on Gold Star father Khizr Khan: “I think the Democrats used him…if you’re gonna go out and think that you can take a shot at somebody and not have incoming back at you, shame on you.”
Ok, harsh perhaps, but fair enough. Just wondering how Perry would feel if some Dem took a shot at one of the parents who spoke during the GOP convention over their children being killed by undocumented immigrants, for starters. ‪#‎IOKIYR‬

Rudy Giuliani said he didn’t forget 9-11 when he said “before Obama came along, we didn’t have any successful radical Islamic terrorist attack inside the U.S,” he just likes to use “abbreviated” language.
Give the man his due, neither Trump nor Clinton ever thought of that one.

Re Ivanka Trump vacationing with Wendi Deng Murdoch, a slightly adjusted post. I’ve seen the Putin girlfriend comments regularly but it likely is just gossip as Wendi and the Kremlin deny it.
But okay, even so, your dad is running for President, there are all kinds of rumors about Russian ties, loyalty is great, but why PUBLICIZE the friendship with Instagram? Or does that family really believe there is no such thing as bad publicity? ‪#‎Caesarswife‬

 

 

 

And the hits just keep on coming.

Posted August 15, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , ,

To show that they take domestic violence seriously, the Chicago Cubs fired an employee who played Prodigy’s song “Smack my bitch up” after Aroldis Chapman pitched yesterday. Guess the employee couldn’t throw a 100 mph fastball.

Michael Phelps says he is “‘Done, done, done – and this time I mean it,’ with swimming. And adds he wants to focus on his fiance and baby. Let’s see, the kid will hit the “terrible twos” in 2018. Should be plenty of time for Phelps to get back in the water for Tokyo 2020

Despite Santiago Casilla giving up a 3 run game winning home run with 2 outs in the 9th, SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said if the team needed closer tonight it would be Casilla again. SFGiants fans thinking of asking for a dispensation to keep beer stands open into 9th.

Once again, the curse of ‪#‎Skeeter?  ‬. Missing ‪#‎MattDuffy‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

All these “Breaking News” stories re silver & bronze medalists for women’s balance beam. Would be nice if they led with who won? ‪#‎USAUSAUSA‬

 

Some social media snark about the story that Bernie Sanders bought a big vacation lake house in Vermont for $575,000. No snark from California, where residents are still in shock “You can buy a house for $575,000?”

So they say the security scare that resulted in thousands of people being evacuated from JFK Airport last night may have simply been caused by a lot of really loud cheering for Usain Bolt.
Well, at least this year’s Yankees and Mets won’t be causing the same potential security problem

#‎RudyGiulaini‬ today – U.S. did not face “any successful radical Islamic terrorist attacks” before Obama took office ‪#‎NYCMayor‬ ‪#‎youhadonejob‬

South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford said yesterday Donald Trump should release his tax returns because not doing so “would hurt transparency in our democratic process.” And then presumably Sanford went off again to hike the Appalachian trail.

Marc Ragovin thinks Trump will release his tax returns when Sanford releases his itineraries.

Think I’ve got this straight. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go up, he is getting his message out. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go down, it is the fault of the “disgusting and corrupt” media.

Ivanka Trump posted a picture on Instagram of herself on vacation in Dubrovnik with Wendi Murdoch, who is Vladimir Putin’s girlfriend. Now, heck, if they’re friends they’re friends. But imagine if Chelsea Clinton posted such a picture? Or if one of the Obama girls posted a picture with the daughter of a Muslim leader?

 

Regarding the picture of Trump’s daughter Ivanka Trump and Putin’s girlfriend Wendi Deng Murdoch, I  would understand their anger if paparazzi invaded their privacy. But Ivanka posted the vacation shot herself. ‪#‎WTF‬?

 

 

Trump today “Those who do not believe in our Constitution, or who support bigotry and hatred, will not be admitted for immigration into the country.”
And then did he reassure his supporters that none of them will be deported?

T.C ‘s comment on “Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”

“Lol, you only need bait when the fish aren’t jumping right into your boat!”

Fear factor.

Posted August 14, 2016 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

Tags: , ,

Thousands of passengers were evacuated at JFK airport tonight over alleged gunshots that turned out to be nonexistent. The sound may just have been cheering for Usain Bolt.

Yep, fear itself is winning.

 

On a more mundane note, getting really tired of saying “Well, THAT was the worst loss of the year. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Apparently  closer Santiago Casilla was just lulling us into a comfortable state of delusion.

It’s a long season, but pretty sure that if ‪#‎Casilla‬ is last ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitcher in 2016 season he will not walk off mound a winner.

But on a brighter note, clearly Johnny Cueto, 2-3 today with an RBI, has benefited and learned from being in the same clubhouse as Madison Bumgarner.

Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers said they were robbed at gunpoint last night by fake Brazilian police, a report confirmed by the U.S. Olympic committee. The IOC says the reports are “absolutely not true,”
Gosh, hope this one blatant lie doesn’t tarnish the IOC’s credibility.

So does anyone really care about ‪#‎Olympics‬ medals in tennis and golf? Even tennis and golf fans?

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange hates Hillary Clinton, in part because he says she is against the media and freedom of speech. So he wants to help Trump get elected? ‪#‎unclearontheconcept‬

So with a team full of ‪#‎NBA‬ starters plus luxury ship accommodations , ‪#‎TeamUSA‬ barely wins games. Will their gold medal, if they get one, have asterisk? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

Donald Trump used free publicity as a major tool in his fight  to win ‪#‎GOP‬ primary, now complains about media. Talk about biting hand that bottle fed you.

Trump running mate Mike Pence now said he will publicly release his tax returns but did not say when. A GOP spokesman said it would be before the November election. Not of course specifying which year.

Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
Leaving aside the fact that the Donald doesn’t need any help, and if Trump is elected no opposition politician or world leader would ever do the same thing?


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