Posted tagged ‘marijuana jokes’
January 5, 2018
Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to take credit for fact that players on 24 NFL teams will be guaranteed NOT to kneel for anthem this upcoming weekend. #Playoffs
Michigan may not be as thrilled with Jim Harbaugh as they once were. But at least they didn’t still have Rich Rodriguez.
Despite the Blizzard of 2018, Patriots coach Bill Belichick indicated players better not be late to practice or they might be sent home. Wonder if that includes Brady.
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Has anyone told #JeffSessions that “States Rights” are not “Confederate States Rights?”
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If Congress decides to pass a law overriding Jeff Sessions’ reefer madness, would be perfect if Doug Jones casts deciding vote in Senate.
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Normally when California gets any #earthquake people in rest of US say it’s a reason they wouldn’t live here. With #blizzard2018 they’re thinking, so what’s a little shaking?
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Would really like to see Jeff Sessions tell @SenJohnMcCain to his face he shouldn’t be able to use medical marijuana.
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Can understand Trump being vindictive enough to open up oil drilling off coast of California. But did he forget Florida voted for him?
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Gov. Rick Scott on Trump’s offshore oil drilling plan – “crucial need to remove Florida from consideration.” In other words, f*ck up someone else’s state?#noshame #DeepwaterHorizon
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Sean Spicer says he didn’t lie but “I did my best every day to do what I could to communicate what the President’s intentions were.” Might be the longest-winded oxymoron ever?
Remember those innocent days when we thought worst thing we could have to explain about a President to our children was a blow job?
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You know, there have been supposed nasty tell-all books on Obama and Clintons; neither Barack, Bill nor Hillary ever threw hissy-fits and demanded the books not be sold.
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Trump’s “cease and desist” demand on #FireAndFury is so guaranteed to increase book sales you have to wonder if Michael Wolff offered him a cut of profits?
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Trump “I authorized Zero access to White House (actually turned him down many times) for author of phony book!”
Wolfe was at WH daily for months. So Trump expects us to believe he can keep dangerous people out of USA, but he can’t even keep an unwanted reporter out of the West Wing?
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If it’s any consolation to Trump #FireAndFury will probably now sell a lot more copies than #WhatHappened.
With weather that may not hit the teens this weekend in Boston and Buffalo, how thankful are NFL fans that the Patriots have a bye, and the Bills have an away game?
From TC “Buffalo Bills fans have donated over $100,000 to Bengals QB Andy Dalton’s charity for knocking The Ravens out of the playoffs and getting Buffalo in. So does anyone know the name of the receiver that caught the pass? ” Just sayin…. (everyone knows who Malcolm Butler and Dwight Clark are
(Hey, does anyone know the name of any Bengals? Or Bills?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: fireandfury, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, oil drilling jokes
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December 7, 2017
Open note to the good people of Alabama. Hard for me to say this, but vote in Doug Jones & I will actually root for Nick Saban & Crimson Tide. Once anyway. #Priorities
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Rafael Palmeiro, 53, says he is contemplating a return to MLB. Uh oh, nobody tell Jamie Moyer.
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Roger Goodell has signed a $200 million contract to remain NFL commissioner. Yeah, that man really needs a tax cut.
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Cowboys to debut new uniforms this weekend. Unfortunately for Dallas fans they will still have same old Cowboys in them.
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Former gymnasts & their parents pushing for maximum sentence for ex-Team USA doctor Larry Nassar. And indeed it’s a risk. If he ever gets out of prison he could run for office as a Republican.
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If San Antonio Spurs could just add one good player, they could be a great team this year. @kawhileonard @Spurs
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Pfizer is introducing a generic Viagra for “only” about $32 a pill. That’s still a stiff price.
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GOP House just approved bill to allow gun owners to carry concealed weapons across state lines. But we’re still out of luck with marijuana gummies.
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So for safety reasons Nikki Haley indicates we might not send US athletes to #WinterOlympics2018 in Korea. Even more encouragement for Kim Jong Un to try his missiles to US mainland?
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Maybe Russia and the US can have their own games, where all the medals go to Putin and Trump.
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Think we could get bipartisan agreement on a special place in hell for those who run red lights at left turn and get stuck in intersection so people going straight can’t go on green.
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Now it appears #RoyMoore was dating his wife while she was still married. Wonder how “Christian” bakers feel now about THAT wedding cake?
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A Delta flight from JFK to Seattle, which is over 6 hours, had all toilets malfunction and had to make a bathroom break stop for passengers in Billings. At Spirit Airlines they’d have probably passed around paper cups for $5.
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San Francisco central subway reportedly is falling further behind schedule. Construction started in 2011, supposed to open in 2018, city says 2019, and main contractor now estimates 2021.
If we’re doing a pool, dibs on 2025.
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If Senator Franken steps down tomorrow to do the “right thing” can he also call on GOP colleagues and President to do the same?
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While we move forward against sexual predators in politics, remember, past allegations matter. But can we focus on those currently in office? JFK & Ted are dead, Bill & H.W aren’t running again….
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WH said Trump slurred words at end of speech today because he had “a dry throat.” Right. And Hillary wasn’t healthy enough to be President. #sarcasm
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Trevor Noah on The Daily Show reminds us Donald Trump is very sensitive about his appearance & so we should absolutely not tweet or post things about #DentureDonald
One of worst things about all sexual harassment stories coming out is that no matter who you are, someone you’ve admired will be or has been caught. Beginning to think men have real self-control issues.
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Democrats calling for resignation of one of their most popular Senators. GOP putting more $$$ into campaign of man who wasn’t fit to serve BEFORE sexual allegations. Still think there’s no difference between parties?
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #denturedonald, Alabama jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, moore jokes, Viagra jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 29, 2016
Following on the NBA championship of the Cavs, the Indians have won 12 games in a row. For those who think Cleveland’s just piling on, don’t worry, the Browns’ pre-season starts soon.
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The NCAA has a new rule that all bowl-eligible teams with 6-6 records must be chosen for a bowl before any teams with a 5-7 record are offered the games.
With all due respect, isn’t a bowl game for a .500 team the football equivalent of a participation trophy?
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The NFL Players Association doesn’t want the active players named in the Al-Jazeera PED report interviewed by the league, but Peyton Manning apparently will cooperate. So long as the interview is sponsored by Papa John’s and Budweiser.
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Michael Phelps tonight won the 200-meter butterfly and became the first U.S. male swimmer to qualify for five Olympics. Whereupon he celebrated by yelling “You punks get out of my pool.”
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2015 Seahawks backup QB Tarvaris Jackson was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after a woman in Florida accused him of threatening her with a gun last week. Now, newly signed backup QB Trevone Boykin has been charged with assault causing bodily injury after an Dec 31 incident with a police officer at a bar before the Alamo Bowl.
Who’s next for Seattle? Johnny Manziel is available.
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Johnny Manziel says he is going sober on July 1. For the troubled QB’s sake, I hope he’s right. But hard not to quote Inigo Montoya: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”
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The Miss Teen USA pageant says they are dropping the swimsuit portion of their competition, replacing it with an athletic wear competition. For all men who only tuned in for the swimsuits, three words “tight yoga pants.
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The California “Adult Use of Marijuana Act” is officially on this November’s ballot. Well, it’s high time.
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#HeterosexualPrideDay. Really? Just go to a lot of frat houses, where every day is #HetrerosexualPrideDay.
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Regarding that story of Christy Sheats, the Texas mom and gun-rights advocate who fatally shot her daughters, reports are now that police had been called out 14 times since 2012 to their home, calls involving Christy’s having a “mental crisis.”
And she was still allowed to have guns? #wellplayedNRA #sarcasm
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Surprisingly little media attention to Istanbul only a day after the attacks. Must not have been any Americans killed. Sigh.
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I miss President Obama already: “Now somebody else who has never shown any regard for workers, who has never fought on behalf of social justice issues, they don’t suddenly become a populist because they say something controversial in order to win votes. That’s not the measure of populism. That’s nativism or xenophobia or worse. Or it’s just cynicism.”
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A new Quinnipiac University poll says Donald Trump has the support of 1% of black voters. That many?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cleveland jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, marijuana jokes, Michael Phelps, NCAA jokes, NFL jokes, pageant jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 16, 2016
Most worried #Warriors fans after the first day of the postseason. Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.
Since #Raptors are now 0-8 in #NBA playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?
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If you didn’t recognize #DodgerStadium you’d know the #SFGiants #Dodgers game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.
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Right about now the #Jazz must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the #Warriors. #NBAPlayoffs #sarcasm
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the #Raptors losing in game one of the #NBAPlayoffs
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Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many #SFGiants fans were crushed when #PabloSandoval left to sign with #RedSox
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Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.
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Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.
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McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….
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Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html
Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. #Dudewhensmyfestival?
A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.
If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”
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So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?
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Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?
In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, raptors jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 3, 2016
Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. #OpeningDay
Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.
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Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.
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Enjoyed the #WorldSeries, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on #OpeningDay sucks?
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PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?
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Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?
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Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.
(But to give Wambach credit, she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)
Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.
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Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. #maybethentheycouldallgetalong
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The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half. And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.
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The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?
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Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.
Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cubs jokes, interleague jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Opening day jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 21, 2016
By a 6-2 vote, the Supreme Court today rejected a conservative challenge to Colorado’s marijuana legalization laws. Well, guess they don’t call it the High Court for nothing.
Go figure, the #Spurs can stop #StephenCurry and they can’t stop #JeremyLin? #Hornets
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Dwight Howard, who has been warned along with the Rockets team about being caught with a sticky substance on his hand, said “I think that it’s getting overblown, like I’m doing something crazy. But again, I’ve never been a cheater.”
A cheater no, a baby, yes.
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#Patriots owner Robert Kraft apparently wrote NFL commissioner Roger Goodell asking for the #1 draft pick back that the team lost in the #Deflategate scandal. Meanwhile the #Saints wrote Goodell, they want 2012 back.
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The SF 49ers and Santa Clara are haggling over 2016 rent, which was supposed to be $24.5 million; the team wants to pay $20 million. Well, of course, and aren’t most landlords in the SF Bay Area lowering rents in this economy?
(my friend Rich De Give asks “Doesn’t the lease state the 49ers are supposed to field a professional football team?”)
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A new Park Slope, Brooklyn, $1-3 million condo development is going to offer a stroller valet service to residents. And we wonder why some of the rest of the world hates us?
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Heard a radio ad for Whole Foods today, “America’s Healthiest Grocery Store.” Well if for no other reason than you can’t afford to buy enough food to make you fat.
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A Texas man who was arrested for having sex on a Las Vegas Ferris wheel with a woman he just met has been fatally shot in a carjacking in Houston. Now, the guy had gone to Vegas to get married, but told police he had fought with his fiance, who was pregnant with another man’s child. They had reconciled, and she was with him when he was killed.
You REALLY cannot make this stuff up. #madefortvmovie?
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Sad news from Toronto that ex-mayor Rob Ford is now in palliative care. Hard to believe that there was a time not that long ago that Ford held the title “most outrageous politician in North America.”
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Ted Cruz, saying that it’s a “sad day” with the President visiting Cuba. “Until Obama, siding with the oppressed had always been America’s aspiration.”
Right, as billions of people in Latin America, Africa, Asia and the Mideast can attest. #SMH #cantfixstupid
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Donald Trump, trying to be a kindler, gentler, candidate “I like John, he’s a nice guy, I like Ted, he’s a nice guy.” Ted Cruz a nice guy? That’s it. Now we KNOW the Donald is insane.
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Elizabeth Warren is engaged in a Twitter war with Donald Trump. One of today’s latest salvos from Warren “@RealDonaldTrump knows he’s a loser. His insecurities are on parade: petty bullying, attacks on women, cheap racism, flagrant narcissism.”
Pass the popcorn, this could be fun.
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John Kasich “There is a below-zero chance that I would serve as V.P. to one of the other candidates.” So he is saying there’s a chance?
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Bernie Sanders’ latest fundraising email of the morning. “Tomorrow night is YUGE.” Wait, I thought the GOP was the party with the spelling problem.
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Watching #DWTS for the first time ever because of #DougFlutie. Well, it makes me less ashamed to be American than watching some of those #GOP debates.
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#DougFlutie and #MarlaMaples on #DTWS: Talk about from the sublime to the ridiculous.
Marla Maples appearing in #DWTS – Dancing With The Stars. As opposed to her ex-, who regularly appears in #DTWT – Dancing With The Truth
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: DWTS jokes, flutie jokes, Janice Hough, Jeremy Lin jokes, kraft jokes, marijuana jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
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January 21, 2016
Increasingly looking like the designated hitter will be a done deal in the 2017 season in the NL. Well, there’s talk of the #SFGiants renegotiating Bumgarner’s contract – wonder if besides a nice raise #Madbum will insist that HE can DH?
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So one of the reason MLB may be moving to a universal DH is the threat of injury to their star pitchers who don’t handle a bat well. Well, if that’s the rationale, why not add DRs – designated runners for stars who don’t move that well? #wherewillitend? #notrealbaseball
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Increasingly difficult for a comedy writer today to #Trump reality. Satire is #Palin by comparison.
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Former UConn and Portland Trail Blazers basketball player Cliff Robinson is opening a recreational marijuana dispensary in Oregon, saying there’s a “mis-perception that athletes and cannabis are incompatible.” Okay, “illegal”? Maybe. “Incompatible? – Not to anyone who’s been paying attention.’
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Herman Cain says he gets callers all the time who say “I am black, I’m female and I’m going from Democrat to Trump.” If true, maybe someone needs to send Cain a link to an Urban Dictionary – the page referring to “catfish.”
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Louisana consistently ranks as the state with the worst health in the nation. Now with new Governor John Bel Edwards accepting the ACA, the state health dept expects almost 450,000 patients to be added to Medicaid, including 300,000 previously uninsured. #IblameObama
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In New Jersey, the assembly passed a bill last June with almost unanimous bipartisan support to prevent anyone convicted of gang activity, making terror threats or carjacking from buying or owning a gun in the state. This week, Chris Christie vetoed it.
And the formerly pro-gun control Governor expects us to believe he can stand up to our enemies? He can’t even stand up to the NRA.
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The Oscars boycott list grows, now Will Smith says he will not attend and Mark Ruffalo is thinking about it. If this keeps up they might actually get the show finished this year in under four hours.
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Wow. Bizjournals.com reports this from United Airlines’ Vice Chairman Jim Compton “We’ve come to recognize that completion factor — getting people from point A to B — is the most important metric.”
What was their first clue?
Eric Garcetti, L.A.’s mayor, said in talking about the Rams, that he would love to see the Chargers stay in San Diego, and the Raiders stay in Oakland. Translation, either Garcetti cares more about traffic than football, or he just might have ambitions for statewide office.
TSA said they found 2,653 guns last year at US airports, up 20% over last year, and more than 82% were loaded. Scary. What might be scarier is the possible number they didn’t find.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cain jokes, Christie jokes, DH jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, MLB jokes, United Airlines jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 30, 2015
Caitlyn Jenner is interested in dating a man to help her feel like a “normal woman.” Have news for her, in the Kardashian-Jenner clan, there are no normal women.
So will all those in the GOP trying to defund Planned Parenthood also sign a waiver that in case of illness they refuse to be treated with any vaccines or medicines that have come about as a result of fetal tissue research?
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Josh Duggar will now apparently spend six months in a Christian rehab treatment program. Because that worked so well when he was a teenager?
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“Butt dial” has been added to the OED. Some of us are old enough to remember that phrase might just have been an awkward synonym for “booty call.”
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Chris Christie today said we can curb illegal immigration by tracking anyone who enters the country from the time they receive their visa, like a FedEx package.
Spoken like someone who’s never tried to track a lost FedEx package.
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In Chatham, NJ, Jets center Nick Mangold quickly called 911 when he Iheard his car alarm and saw his garage door open. Police were able to get there in time to apprehend suspects thought to be responsible for almost 50 burglaries.
Posting this mostly because it’s nice to see an NFL player featured on the “good” side of an arrest story.
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Sarah Palin and Donald Trump had a love fest interview. Makes sense. Each of them probably thinks the other makes them look a little less crazy.
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A California couple got married in Oregon and had a smoke tent at their wedding, where a “budtender” offered guests a choice of 13 kinds of marijuana. Wonder if the wedding cake was topped with Doritos?
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Rowan County Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis has been refusing to issuing marriage licenses to gay couples and says she objects to same-sex marriage for religious reasons. Now she wants the U.S. Supreme Court to grant her “asylum for her conscience.”
So, okay, if she’s that religious about marriage presume Ms. Clark also refuses licenses to couples sharing the same address (living in sin), those who have been married before, and those won’t swear an oath attesting to virginity?
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The Raiders waived safety Jonathan Dowling today, for what they say were “maturity issues.’ Over-under on how long until Dowling gets offered a contract by the Redskins?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, Duggars jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, marijuana jokes, Planned Parenthood jokes, Redskins jokes, Trump jokes
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July 1, 2015
The US beat Germany and is going to the Women’s World Cup final. Many Americans are so excited they might actually watch part of the game.
#USAUSAUSA
Just wondering, am I allowed to start a business and refuse clients who don’t believe in the Church of Baseball? #religiousfreedom
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The Justice Department is investigating possible airline collusion on airfares. When they wrap up the investigation the DOJ’s next project will no doubt be determining if water is wet.
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Wednesday was the first day that recreational marijuana is legal in Oregon. It was also the first day NBA free agents can sign with teams?
#Coincidence?
#Trailblazers–
It was 87 degrees with 34% humidity and everyone is complaining about how unbearably hot it is. Yes, Northern Californians are weather wimps.
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Recently released emails show that Hillary Clinton didn’t know how to work the office fax machine. Said everyone under 30, “what’s a fax machine?”
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The Boston Globe is reporting that Tom Brady and his wife Gisele Bundche, have apparently hit a snag in their efforts to o join The Country Club (TCC) in Brookline, Mass. It may be because the couple are too famous. Or maybe members don’t trust Tom around their inflatable water toys.
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Jim Carrey called California Gov. Jerry Brown a ‘corporate fascist who must be stopped” and said the CDC was “corrupt” after Brown signed a mandatory vaccine bill. Maybe Carrey took that “Bruce Almighty” role a little too seriously?
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Now Macy’s is the latest to end their relationship with Donald Trump over his comments from referring to immigrants from Mexico as “killers and rapists.” Well, maybe this is another part of Presidential candidate Trump’s jobs program – creating a lot of new job opportunities as his own company gets fired.
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A Tennessee hardware store owner put up a sign saying, “No Gays Allowed.” because he says homosexuality is against his religion and that if LGBT’s can stand up for what they believe in so should Christians.
Okay, fine, what about the “No Fornicators Allowed” sign? You know, adulterers, people having premarital sex, remarried divorced people….
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Blue Jays 11, Red Sox 2, Toronto batters rapped out 16 hits. Maybe Boston pitchers didn’t realize that Canada Day, while a holiday, does not generally require the giving of gifts.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airliine jokes, baseball jokes, Brady jokes, church of baseball, gay marriage jokes, marijuana jokes, Trump jokes, women's world cup jokes, World Cup jokes
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June 3, 2015
The Duggars’ Arkansas pastor said that Caitlyn Jenner’s sex change is an example of the “moral unraveling” of America, but Josh Duggar’s child molestation can be “forgiven” by God. And that ladies and gentleman, tells you all you need to know about why Jimmy Carter left the Southern Baptists.
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Jessa Duggar, 22, is defending her brother “‘I do want to speak up in his defense against people who are calling him a child molester or a pedophile or a rapist, some people are saying. I’m like that is so overboard and a lie really, I mean people get mad at me for saying that but I can say this because I was one of the victims.”
And some people think being raised by a loving gay couple results in a child growing up with a warped perspective.
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Taco Bell will start serving alcohol for the first time in the U.S. at one of their Chicago locations. Wouldn’t it be a more symbiotic relationship if they started selling marijuana?
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Lincoln Chafee, in announcing he has joined the 2016 Presidential Race. “I enjoy challenges.” Even Cubs fans are thinking “What is that man smoking?”
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#SFGiants have lost five games in a row in advance of today’s #WhiteHouse visit. #IBlameObama
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Oops, a Pentagon official has admitted that at least four batches of anthrax samples shipped from a military lab to labs in 12 states, plus DC and three countries, mistakenly contained live spores. They are trying to figure out why. Once again, showing that for all the worries about terrorism, we have more to fear from good old-fashioned stupidity.
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You know there MIGHT be too long a layoff before the NBA finals for the media when a headline today talks about Lebron James saying he loves “Pitch Perfect 2” and that he thinks “Fat Amy” is awesome. #SuperBowlmediaweekthesequel
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No Darwin Award because he was only arrested and not even injured. But he gave it 100% effort. A man who parked his car across a state road in Pennsylvania and set up a fake DUI checkpoint at 4am Saturday, complete with flares, allegedly was drunk himself. #cantfixstupid
Tampa Bay Lightning management said that anyone buying premium seats near the rink for the opening game of the Stanley Cup Final MUST wear team or neutral colors. And a lot of rich people in Florida were going “So what are our colors?”
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Dick Cheney recently showed a WSJ reporter the cover of his truck trailer hitch, which features a picture of Darth Vader. Adding “I’m rather proud of that.” “I’m shocked,” said absolutely nobody.
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You think you’re having a bad day at work. You could have worked for Southwest at the airport Wed. A fare sale and high traffic crashed the website. So ALL computers were down for hours with no scheduled up time. In an electronic ticket age. #wannagetaway
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Meanwhile, Delta is testing “Early Valet” carry-on service., where airline employees can take passengers’ bags at the gate and put them above their assigned seats. So how long until they charge for guaranteed overhead bin space?
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American Airlines retirees are complaining that after merging with US AIrways, retired employees now get a standby priority below current employees. One woman, who retired in 1995, angrily told a reporter that some retirees are even buying tickets on other airlines. And this is supposed to upset American how?
United Airlines temporarily grounded ALL flights this morning for 30 minutes this morning over “automation issues.” Flights have resumed and to ensure it doesn’t happen again the airline will no doubt soon announce a computer maintenance fee.
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From Marc Ragovin; “A Fargo, North Dakota man has been convicted of driving a zamboni while intoxicated at a girls hockey game in January and sentenced to nine days in jail. Witnesses called the police when he was observed repeatedly driving straight.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #CaitlynJenner jokes, 2016 Presidental election jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Duggar jokes, Duggars jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Stanley Cup jokes
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May 21, 2015
Okay, this is a bit harsh. And the SF Giants know as well as any team how meaningless the regular season can be when you get to the playoffs. But who says American ingenuity is dead? From the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Wikipedia page:
Clayton Kershaw on the pitch that Madison Bumgarner hit for a home run. “It was a fastball right down the middle. I should have respected him a little more.” Well, since Madbum hit four last year, maybe Kershaw should have just watched a little tape.
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There are only 18 players in MLB who have homered off of both Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke. One of them is Madison “Babe” Bumgarner.
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Well, on the bright side for the #LADodgers, they had no wear-and-tear on their bats in 3 games at AT&T Park. #sweep #3shutouts #SFGiants
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Aaron Hernandez, serving a life sentence and now on trial for witness intimidation, apparently has a new tattoo and will “face discipline” for it. So what, they are going to lock the former Patriot away for two lifetimes?
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Brewers’ relief pitcher Will Smith was ejected tonight for allegedly having pine tar on his arm. He said it was a mixture of rosin and sunscreen that he forgot to remove before coming in. Once again I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Many complain that raising minimum wage will result in higher costs. But as USA TODAY reports, while McDonalds’ workers are pushing for a $15 hourly minimum wage, top executives at the company average $1220 an hour. Where’s the outrage over what THAT adds to the cost of a hamburger
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The Duggar parents from “19 Kids and Counting” are rallying behind their son Josh, 27, after it has come out that he molested several girls when he was a teenager: “Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God.” Wonder if they’d be as supportive if one of their children simply came out as gay?
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Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has come out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana. Well, leaving aside the taxation and use-of- police-time issues, Philly fans need all the ways to mellow out they can get.
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Kobe Bryant’s tweet on the Laker’s good luck in the NBA lottery. “We played like crap all season so it’s only right we get the #2 pick HA #lakerluck #goodday” Well, and if the team only wasn’t paying $24 million to one over-the-hill player…..
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Bus to hell time. The world’s largest Disney Store opened in Shanghai and shoppers lined up for over a mile to get in. Sort of the Chinese equivalent of a school crafts fair where adults rush to buy what their children have made?
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The FCC apparently has gotten 22 complaints from viewers watching golf on TV over bad language. And 15 of those involved Tiger Woods. Well, this might mean Tiger’s outbursts are in a different league. Or it might mean he’s the only golfer most people watch.
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At Charlotte’s airport. a man who was angry about his flight being overbooked stripped naked in protest. And airlines are thinking, hmm… less weight, less fuel issues. Can we start having a clothing surcharge?
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Citicorp, Barclays, JPMorgan Chase and the Royal Bank of Scotland have pleaded guilty to rigging the currency markets in 2008 and will pay collectively more than $5 billion in penalties. And you thought your banking fees were high NOW.
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So apparently that shoot out in Waco, Texas started over a parking dispute. Many women heard that and are thinking “And they weren’t even Christmas shopping?
From T.C. “NFL.com is refusing to take orders for personalized jerseys with the name “DEFLATOR” on the back. How about “SSSSSSSSSSS””
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, airport jokes, Disney jokes, Dodgers jokes, Duggar jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 13, 2015
A new Johns Hopkins University of Medicine study found that new stronger strains of marijuana could cause people exposed to second-hand smoke to test positive for pot drug in a urine analysis. Was this study sponsored by the NFL Players Association?
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Corey Kluber, 113 pitches, 8 inning one-hit shutout, 18 strikeouts! And Indians took him out of game. #oldschoolpitchersareweeping
But hey, it’s about pitch counts now. And we all know pitch counts make a big difference in pitchers’ health, because so few young players are getting injured these days and/or needing surgery…. Oops, never mind.
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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, in support of Roger Goodell and his Deflategate decision: “I think he’s doing a great job, and I’m a big supporter of his. … I know one of his best qualities is fairness.” Translation. Either Romo likes hard footballs, or Jones knows he handles his balls himself.
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Former FSU coach Bobby Bowden, 85, on Jameis Winston “I think it’s a consensus amongst Florida State fans and boosters that he was an embarrassment in a lot of ways to the university.” Sigh, Bowden was a great coach. But memory is one of the first things to go. #FreeShoesUniversity
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A couple who was convicted of “lewd and lascivious exhibition” for having sex on a crowded beach with children around not only faces jail time, they must register as sex offenders. Right, because their display was almost as bad as what many American children see every night on television?
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The Arizona attorney general’s office has filed charges against a woman who in 2010 faked having cancer to get an abortion. Agree that it was wrong. But imagine what kind of mother she would have made.
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Searchers looking for Malaysia Airlines flight 370 in the Indiana Ocean have discovered a 19th century shipwreck. Stand by for the CNN special talking about if it’s a cruise ship.
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A small detail that got lost in last night’s SF Giants 8-1 win over the Astros. Nori Aoki was originally called safe at first, but the call was overturned quickly after a video review. The first base umpire? Jim Joyce. #Fiveyearstoolate #ArmandoGalarraga
In Wisconsin, the state assembly passed bills mandating drug tests for welfare recipients, and requiring that monthly stipends be used for healthy foods. Okay, fine, can we also drug test Wisconsin assembly members, and require them to use their $88 a DAY living expenses on healthy food too?
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So American Idol has been cancelled in part because of what some call WGWG (“White guys with guitars) syndrome. Where the winners are cute WGWG’s who may win votes from mostly young female viewers, but never amount to anything. And what do they do for their penultimate final? Send the girl rocker home in favor of two WGWGs
Why people who aren’t in the travel industry shouldn’t write travel articles: A SF Chronicle story from Business Insider on the “best Hawaiian islands for every type of traveler” says “Best for honeymooners – Lanai” – …” “a perfect destination for honeymooners who are seeking privacy and seclusion. Since the island’s two Four Seasons Resorts are currently closed to the public for renovations, visitors can enjoy more seclusion and fewer tourists.
Uh, yes, since the ONLY two major hotels on the island are closed, and the ONLY hotel open is the funky Hotel Lanai with 11 rooms, there’s plenty of seclusion…..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: American Idol jokes, CNN jokes, deflategate jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes
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May 9, 2015
The Washingon Wizards won Saturday despite squandering a bigger lead today faster than Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Presidential Primaries. #WizHawks
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The VTA (Valley Transportation Authority) in Santa Clara County, Northern California, claims that they are having to spend $3 million extra on extra trains and buses for events at Levi’s Stadium, especially 49ers games, which have had huge lines going home.
Maybe one bright side of the upcoming season will be less crowding since a lot more SF fans will be probably leaving in the 3rd quarter.
The Alabama House passed the “Tim Tebow Act” this week, which allows home-schooled children to play sports at public schools.
“We are a group of citizens of the great state of Alabama lobbying for our state public education establishment to allow homeschooled students equal access to sports and extracurricular activities.”
Translation, religion/schmelgion, if it leads to potential championships and Heisman winners, we don’t even care if athletes are raised by Wiccans.
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Yasiel Puig, due to come off the DL this week, has apparently reaggravated his hamstring injury. The Dodgers play the Giants starting May 19. Which could set up a quandry for SF fans. Who do we most boo?
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As we await Roger Goodell’s decision on Tom Brady, anyone doubt if this had been say, the Raiders, there wouldn’t have been multiple suspensions by now?
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Yahoo is suing an ex-employee for allegedly revealing company secrets last year to a writer for his book. This is really shocking. Yahoo has any worthwhile secrets?!
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A spoof news site, Newslo, ran a story on that Baltimore mom who grabbed her son and pulled him out of the riots, title “Child Protective Services Launch Investigation on Baltimore Mom Who Hit Son,” with the fake quote “although her actions are somewhat understandable, we cannot allow a young man to suffer such violence and abuse, regardless of the cause.”
And some regular media picked the story up as true. The scary thing, these days it wouldn’t be that surprising if it WERE true.
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San Francisco has banned chewing tobacco in sports venues starting Jan 1, 2016. John Shea in the SF Chronicle quotes one anonymous Giant as asking “But you can smoke weed?”
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The USGS says the Dallas, TX area has has over 40 small earthquakes (magnitude 2.0 or higher) in 2015. How long until Ted Cruz blames this on Obama?
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Jeb Bush at Liberty University blasted the Obama administration’s “use of coercive federal power” to limit religious freedom. I’d take him a lot more seriously if Jeb was also okay with defending religious freedom for non-Christians….
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Congrats to Bryce Harper, who has hit 6 home runs in 3 days. Although this does bring up the question, why the heck is anyone throwing him strikes?
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Paul Pierce wins a game at the buzzer that the Wizards had done their best to squander. Impressive. Given his age and skills Pierce is almost old enough to be offered a free agent contract by the Spurs.
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A NJ woman has filed a $5 million class-action lawsuit against United Airlines, saying she was misled when she paid $7.99 for four hours for DirectTV-wifi service that only worked for 10 minutes. But the airline says the service only works over the continental U.S. and she was flying to Puerto Rico. Maybe the one she should be suing is her geography teacher.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, New Jersey jokes, San Francisco jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 27, 2015
While MLB is focusing on pace-of-game issues, maybe they should consider also fining National Anthem singers who add several syllables to one-syllable words?
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The NFL draft is Thursday. DE Shane Ray, a probable first round pick, was cited early this morning in Missouri for a traffic violation and marijuana possession. So should part of the job for a really good sports agent be to lock these kids in a room for the week prior to the draft? #cantfixstupid
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A Fox News poll found that 51% of Americans say to legalize marijuana, and 48% say to legalize gay marriage. Of course, with legalized marijuana the same-sex marriage tolerance might go up “Whatever, dude, will they offer me some of their wedding cake?”
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Having this sense that had Bruce Jenner gone to Nepal for a spiritual retreat before his sex-change operation that the Internet would have exploded by now….
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Kim Kardashian said in a “Today” interview that while she doesn’t fully understand her stepfather, she supports him “100%” in his plan to transition to a woman soon. Preferably no doubt as soon as possible so Bruce stops taking headlines from her and Kanye?
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Apparently DUI charges against former Seminole P.J. Williams, who is projected to go early in next month’s NFL draft, have been dropped. The Florida D.A. has decided there was insufficient evidence to charge him. Am sure the fact Williams was arrested by the FSU Police Department has nothing to do with this.
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Jeb Bush told donors that his Super PAC could hit the $100 million mark in fundraising this month. And told reporters on the same day “I don’t think you need to spend $1 billion to be elected President of the U.S. in 2016.” What, so Jeb thinks you need to spend $2 billion?
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Both the Kentucky Derby and Wimbledon have banned selfie sticks this year. Or they could just allow the sticks, and ban the people carrying them. #enoughalready
The NCAA is apparently leaning towards reducing the shot clock from 35 to 30 seconds for men’s basketball. Maybe because they don’t want to confuse all these “one-and-dones” with higher math?
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So what was the difference between the Toronto Raptors and the Toronto Maple Leafs this year? About a week.
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Apparently a brawl, with punches thrown, broke out on a flight from Heathrow last night over legroom. It was on a flight to Muscat, Oman, and a man was arrested upon landing. Surprised it didn’t happen on a flight to the U.S. Of course American carriers would have charged another passengers an entertainment fee to watch.
(From my friend Matt Goldberg, “No Muscat Love on that flight.” )
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Apparently representatives from Nevada have been to Colorado to see how recreational marijuana legalization is going. I can see that. Vegas needs more ways to loosen people’s inhibitions.
From Alex Kaseberg “A headline reads ‘Bush leads Clinton in Polls.’ What was the headline below that? ‘E-mails might replace Faxes’?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bruce Jenner jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, Kentucky Derby jokes, marijuana jokes, MLB jokes, NFL draft jokes
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April 23, 2015
The SF Giants are raffling off an authentic World Series ring. Wonder if there’s any truth to the rumor that the Chicago Cubs inquired about buying all the tickets?
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Question on ESPN “Are the Mets really this good?” Of course, another question might be “Are the rest of the NL East teams really this bad?”
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Bernie Williams will officially sign his retirement papers at Yankee Stadium before Friday’s Mets-Yankees game. Williams last played in 2006. What, no farewell tour?
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So apparently the U.S. World Cup’s women’s uniforms are white. With no red or blue on them. May be more people getting upset about this than will actually watch the women’s World Cup. #USAUSAUSA
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Charles Koch on charges that “We are doing all of this to make more money? “I mean, that is so ludicrous.” Translation, “we make PLENTY of money. We are doing “all of this” so that we pay less taxes and keep more of it.”
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So Alabama is moving forward with legalizing medical marijuana. Excellent. Time for a brownie bakery titled “REALLY sweet home Alabama!”
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When the Patriots were at the White House today, President Obama joked that he had scissors ready in case Bill Belichick wanted to to cut the sleeves. Scissors huh?! Maybe we’ve figured out “deflate-gate” #BlameObama.
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The Spurs’ Kawhi Leonard won the NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award, prevailing over the Warriors’ Draymond Green. Heard on a radio interview this a.m. “Nice to see small men getting some recognition.” Leonard and Green are both 6’7″ #shortpersonfacepalm
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WNBA players Brittney Griner and her fiancee, Glory Johnson, were both arrested last night for suspicion of assault and disorderly conduct. Alas who says women athletes can’t be the equals of men.
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Iowa Congressman Steve King Congressman has proposed a “Restrain the Judges on Marriage Act of 2015” which would ban federal courts from hearing all marriage-related cases, including same-sex marriage cases. So the decisions would rest with state courts.
Okay then, does King also feel the feds should stay out of state decisions like legalized marijuana?
From Bill Littlejohn “The Philadelphia Eagles have worked their home schedule around the Pope’s visit—but many of their fans plan to show up and boo him anyway.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: brittney griner jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Mets jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 20, 2015
Say what? The NY Post reports that NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio’s hopes that a “draft de Blasio’’ movement will result in his beating Hillary in the primaries like “George McGovern successfully challenged the initially front-running establishment candidate, Edmund Muskie, more than 40 years ago” And we all know how well that worked out for the Democrats.
Today is 4-20. Let’s hope protesters in favor of marijuana legalization remember to show up before 4-21.
Jon Stewart told the UK Guardian that he is leaving The Daily Show because he was becoming increasing depressed by US politics and cable news. Which alas is how many Americans feel about coping with current events without him.
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Both the Oakland and Kansas City benches emptied for the third straight day during today’s game and five Royals were ejected after Kelvin Herrera threw a 100 mph fastball behind Brett Lawrie. Almost a shame the two teams don’t meet again until late June. – some say baseball doesn’t get high TV ratings because it’s not a contact sport.
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Tim Tebow is joining the Philadelphia Eagles. Meaning it will be a close competition between him, Matt Barkley and Mark Sanchez for the QB most likely to have Philly fans scream “Jesus Christ.”
Marco Rubio today “I also don’t believe that your sexual preferences are a choice for the vast and enormous majority of people. In fact, the bottom line is I believe sexual preference is something that people are born with.”
Is the Florida Senator saying he has conceded the bat sh*t crazy vote?
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Donald Trump apparently retweeted (then deleted) a tweet saying “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband, what makes her think she can satisfy America. Thinking if Donald Trump can’t make TWO marriages work what makes him think he can deal with tough international relations.
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A new book says that Ronald Reagan believed in extra-terrestrial life and in 1985 told Mikhail Gorbachev at a peace summit that “he was sure the two superpowers would co-operate if Earth was threatened by alien invasion.” Don’t laugh too fast… alien invasion might explain some of the candidates we have running for President.
(My friend Suzanne G. says I have now disrespected aliens.)
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A British study found that drivers who were dehydrated (drinking 25 ml -less than an ounce of water) an hour, made as many mistakes as drivers who were over the DUI limit. Of course, imagine that drivers who drink a LOT of water are more likely to speed to get to a restroom.
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Texas Rangers GM Jon Daniels says he’d like to give Russell Wilson a shot but . “Obviously, he’s got a pretty good thing going on with the Seahawks, and we’re not going to get in the way of that.” Translation, Wilson’s a decent baseball player but he’s not THAT good.
(Alex B. says “Wilson was going to give baseball a go, but Pete Carroll told him to pass.”
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Apparently the Lily Pulitzer collection for Target caused a shopping frenzy Sunday morning online and at Target stores. And if you have any idea what that means you probably don’t have a Y chromosome.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 2016 Presidental election jokes, 4 20 jokes, De Blasio jokes, Janice Hough, Jon Stewart jokes, marijuana jokes, Rubio joke, Tebow jokes, Trump jokes
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April 9, 2015
Hard to be believe there will come a time when Tiger Woods retires, and ESPN will have to report who’s actually leading a golf tournament as opposed to how Tiger is doing on the course.
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The seven top Kentucky scorers are all leaving early for the NBA draft. But the WIldcats are still favored to win the NCAA championship in 2016. Seinfeld used to talk about rooting for laundry, heck, this is rooting for a recruiting class.
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President Obama visited the Bob Marley museum in Jamaica and commented that he “had all his albums.” Some in the GOP immediately responded “That’s it, proof that Obama’s a ‘stoner.'” Some in the younger generation responded “what’s an album?”
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We’re almost to the NBA playoffs, which don’t end up with a catchy name like “World Series” or “Super Bowl.” Guess there’s just not enough of a ring to “April-May-June Madness”
The Minnesota Twins have scored 1 run in their first 36 innings. Are they trying to become the official MLB team of Major League Soccer?
#TroyPolamalu has retired. Many #Steelers fans will fly their hair at half mast.
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Well this should make for a fun locker room…. Last year Seahawks DE Michael Bennett called Jimmy Graham “one of the softest players in the NFL.” Now after Graham was traded from New Orleans to Seattle, Bennett said today in a radio interview “I still feel the same way, just because he’s on my team I don’t stop feeling that way.”
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An Icelandair plane enroute to Denver was hit by lightning. It landed 7 1/2 half hours later despite a hole in its nose. The aircraft will now be christened “Keith Richards.”
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Atlanta Hawks forward Thabo Sefolosha apparently fractured his tibia while interfering with police after the 4am stabbing of Indiana Pacers forward Chris Copeland outside “1 Oak.” Hmm, will the Knicks strategy to win next year involve giving opposing players nightclub passes?
From Marc Ragovin “Seen in New York: “Welcome to Madison Square. Where the Rangers and Knicks have combined for one President’s Trophy””
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The Padres’ Ian Kennedy out with an injury while pitching in the third. Shocking, the 2015 SF Giants are capable of breaking a player who isn’t on their own team?
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Hard for SF Giants fans to watch Casey McGehee make 2 errors tonight, AND hit into a double play with runners at 1st and 3rd in the 9th. Although Mcgehee is hitting .294. And Pablo Sandoval is hitting .167. #theoryofrelativity
From T.C. – the groaner of the week. “Cubs fans had to pee into cups as the restrooms at Wrigley Field were out of order on Opening Day. For those that drank more than a couple of beer, they needed to use a relief pitcher.”
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Chris Christie apparently is going to ratchet up his campaigning next week after falling in most polls. One of his NH supporters, Bill Greiner told CNN “John McCain was left for dead in 2007 and 2008, and look what happened. Gov. Christie is very similar to McCain.”
Does this mean the NJ Gov. will get the nomination and then pick a complete whack job for a running mate?
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On a serious note, just wondering, if they can put a camera and computer in a little phone, or a watch, why can’t they put a camera in a gun? Like a police gun. Like all police guns.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky jokes, Knicks jokes, marijuana jokes, Masters jokes, NBA jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
March 31, 2015
Oops. Virgin Atlantic’s inaugural flight from Manchester, England to Atlanta was set to receive a “water cannon salute” from airport firefighters as it departed. Except apparently someone pressed the wrong button and sprayed, not water but foam, which clogged the plane’s engines and grounded it overnight. #cantfixstupid, airline division winner for the week.
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The NFL has fined the Atlanta Falcons $350,000 and take away the team’s fifth round draft pick in 2016 for illegally piping crowd noise into the Georgia Dome. And in Seattle they’re just giggling.
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Regarding that $350,000 fine that the Falcons got for piping in crowd noise, wouldn’t it have been cheaper for Atlanta just to have given free tickets to local frat boys?
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The German prosecutor on the Germanwings flight says now that medical records indicate the co-pilot had been suicidal in the past. Damn shame his therapist talked him out of it.
A woman gave birth in an Uber car Monday morning in Manhattan. Uber apparently had the car cleaned afterwards for the driver. But then they also gave him a pair of Knicks tickets. As if the poor guy hasn’t had enough trauma?
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Three #1 seeds and Michigan State in the Final Four. Means that those most likely to be winning their respective pools are generally risk adverse sports fans who happen to be from East Lansing.
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For the first time since 1996, Tiger Woods is not in golf’s 100 top ranked golfers. Standby for an ESPN special on “The Fall of Tiger.”
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Justin Bieber, in a USA Today interview – “My life is not easy” “I feel so sorry for him,” said nobody.
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Aaron Hernandez’s fiancee today on the witness stand said she had “‘learned to compromise’ over his cheating because their relationship ‘was worth fighting for.” File this under “Maybe-maybe not smart woman, REALLY foolish choice.
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McDonald’s is apparently testing a plan to serve breakfast all day long. The experiment will start in San Diego. But really, wouldn’t Colorado be more appropriate?
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Stubhub is suing the Golden State Warriors, because the team is telling season ticket holders that they can only resell tickets online through Ticketmaster. Otherwise they could lose ticket rights and/or playoff tickets. The issue, how much the Warriors make in “scalping’ service fees. Awful, this billionaire on billionaire violence…..
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An interesting and positive sidelight perhaps of this Indiana law. Not so much who is condemning it, but in who is not supporting it. Usually with civil rights issues these days, there are a host of GOP leaders and Presidential wannabes screaming freedom and states’ rights. But from Palin, Jindal, Trump, Perry…. crickets.
(after I wrote this at first Cruz and Santorum and actually Jeb Bush came out in support of the law. So the clown car is loading up. But not a word from Palin…. maybe Bristol made some friends on DWTS who she’s invited to the weddin.)
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Moving on from fraternities, now at the University of Mary Washington in Virginia, a college rugby team has been suspended indefinitely over an audio where the players can be heard chanting “Finally found a whore, she was right and dead…”
Okay, leaving the nasty nature of the words aside, shouldn’t any college student in the country now know that ANYTHING you say now 24-7 in a group of people can and will be recorded and held against you? #cantfixstupid
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From T.C. “GB QB Aaron Rodgers was celebrating with the Final Four bound Wisconsin Badgers basketball team. When asked if he was looking to recruit a tight end with a basketball background like Gronk or Jimmy Graham, he replied, “No, I’m actually looking for someone that can recover an onside kick”.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, atlanta falcons jokes, Final Four jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Uber jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
March 27, 2015
Oops, in Jakarta, an entire neighborhood apparently ended up getting high after police tried to destroy 1,000 pounds of marijuana….by burning it. Sounds like the Indonesian equivalent of a Grateful Dead concert.
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Tom Izzo, after Michigan State’s win to advance to the Elite Eight. ” As it should be, juniors and seniors come through in the tournament.” And John Calipari is just giggling.
But really, Michigan State, with what many thought earlier was a too low #7 seed, is the biggest underdog left in March Madness? A lot of dads have learned that if they want to see Cinderella this weekend, they’re going to have to take their kids to the Disney movie.
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Anyone besides me ready to go in for crowdfunding if some Wiccans want to open a restaurant in Indiana with a policy against serving homophobic a**holes?
Not that it’s likely. But would be fun to see what happens if EVERY gay worker in the state of Indiana, or better yet, anyone with an gay relative, walks off the job for one day.
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David Ortiz says he has never “knowingly” used steroids. Is Big Papi planning a future in politics?
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Who had #Stanford and #Arizona as the last #Pac12 men’s basketball teams still playing at the end of the 2014-15 season? #NIT #MarchMadness.
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Michael Sam to the Dallas Star-Telegram “I will never say anything about who [the gay players] are, what teams they are (on) I’m just saying there’s some famous people, and I’m not the only one.” In related news, did Sam also say “Water is wet.”?
Bill Littlejohn, on Tiger Woods saying he’s 50-50 for playing in the Masters: Does that mean 50 on the front nine, followed by 50 on the back?”
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Harry Reid has announced he will not run for re-election next year after he damaged his eye in an exercise accident. And Chris Christie is going “Exercise accident? That is one thing that will never happen if I am elected President.”
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Chicago prospect Kris Bryant says he’s ready for the majors. But Theo Epstein and the Cubs are saying he needs more time in the minors. And how can you argue against a franchise with such a tradition of winning?
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OU President David Boren said that fraternity members learned their racist chant at an SAE ” national leadership cruise” four years again. Okay, add a new one to the lexicon of oxymorons: “Fraternity leadership cruise.
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Michael Sam, after the veteran’s combine, said “Hopefully I’m not being discriminated [against] because I’m gay,” Now I want Sam to have a chance as much as anyone, but leaving homophobia aside, this year I think he’s being discriminated against because he runs a 4.99 40.
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Ellen Pao has lost her sexual discrimination lawsuit against Kleiner Perkins after the venture capital firm successfully contended that the reason she wasn’t promoted was that Pao was difficult and did not get along with colleagues.
Now, from what I’ve read, she doesn’t sound like the easiest co-worker. But if “difficult” and hard to get along with was reason for termination, my guess is that VC firms would have a lot of empty offices.
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Since Americans don’t tend to REALLY focus on things unless they affect us…here’s a very scary thought about that Germanwings pilot, buried way down in an article in a UK (Daily Mail) paper as reported from Germany “He always wanted to fly long distance, above all to San Francisco. ”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, Indiana jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, marijuana jokes, Michael Sam jokes, Michigan state jokes
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March 5, 2015
USC researchers claim they have found a hormone – called MOTS-c – that works in mice as an alternative to exercise. And they say MOTS-c may some day allow people both to lose weight and regulate their blood sugar. Awesome. Can they put it in a pill made of chocolate?
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The founders of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream said last month that they are open to someday making a marijuana-infused flavor. Ben Cohen on Huffington Post: “It makes sense to me. Combine your pleasures. … where it’s legal!”
Major funding for this campaign will no doubt be provided by 7-11.
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How sweet it is in Northern California to get in your car to run an errand, and the first thing you hear from the radio is Jon Miller – “2 and 0 count, Posey on deck….” #springiscoming
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Peyton Manning will apparently take a $4 million pay cut next season. If he’s smart presume Peyton will demand the Broncos spend the money on the O-line.
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A California high school girls’ basketball team was kicked out of the playoffs for wearing pink and white uniforms to raise awareness for breast cancer research. They have now been reinstated. But presumably the office who booted them in the first place has been offered a job with the NFL?
Former Sony Pictures co-chair Amy Pascal transitioning to a producer,but her assigned new suite was formerly used by Seth Rogen, and apparently she says she can’t move into it because of the strong stench of marijuana smoke. So Sony is repainting the office. They couldn’t have just moved her and just offered the suite to younger producers? #EaudeColorado
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American Airlines passengers on a flight that arrived in Denver today had to slide down off the plane on emergency chutes, after smoke was reported in the plane. Fortunately no fire was found, and American has generously offered to waive their slide ride fee.
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Nearly 1,000 flights have already been cancelled today and tomorrow because of the latest storms in the U.S. So when we finally reach Spring which airline will be the first to institute a “Winter recovery” fee.
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“State’s snow levels reach historic lows” Not sure who’s more upset about that SF Chronicle headline. Drought-weary Californians. Or winter-weary Bostonians.
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Dr. Ben Carson said today that the proof homosexuality is a choice is that “a lot of people go into prison straight, and when they come out, they’re gay.” Well, looks like the good doctor is making an early play for that all important stupid vote.
Ben Carson, several hours later, upon further reflection: “I do not pretend to know how every individual came to their sexual orientation, I regret that my words to express that concept were hurtful and divisive. For that I apologize unreservedly to all that were offended.” Translation, someone just told me there are gay Republicans, and they vote.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Ben Carson jokes, Colorado jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, spring jokes, winter jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 