Posted tagged ‘Bush jokes’
February 22, 2016
Denny Hamlin won the #Daytona500 by just six inches. Not surprisingly men who saw the photo thought it was more like a foot.
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#Daytona500 today. The only time of the week millions of #NASCAR fans enjoy watching anyone turn to the left.
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Wonder if even Derek Jeter is thinking this #KobeBryant farewell tour is getting over the top?
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The 2016 #Marlins apparently have a rule against facial hair. Well, not like they are going to have to worry about playoff beards.
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Former Cowboys RB Joseph Randle has been arrested for the 5th time in 17 months. Is Randle trying to prove he still belongs in the NFL?
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SF Giants prospect Ray Black has been clocked at 104 mph. And somewhere Barry Zito is just weeping.
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GOP conventional wisdom always had it that “it should have been Jeb.” Dems now concur. Based on this campaign, were he running against Jeb, Gore wouldn’t have even needed Florida.
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So March Rubio edged Ted Cruz for second in South Carolina tonight: Wonder if Cruz or Trump will be the first to try to hire Chris Christie.
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So the alleged Kalamazoo shooter is a white man with a “typical American family.” Waiting for the first person who figures out a way to try to blame this on Muslims or immigrants.
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Not great publicity for Uber that the Kalamazoo suspect was an Uber driver who was picking up fares between shootings. Let’s hope that while scared residents tried to get home that the company wasn’t also doing surge pricing.
#bustohell #ubertohell?
Mitt Romney apparently has finally decided to endorse Marco Rubio, So until now was he only 47% percent sure?
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Hillary Clinton today was countering criticism that she’s running for President for “selfish reasons.” Give me a break, they’re ALL running for selfish reasons.
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Edward Snowden says he misses the U.S. and is willing to be extradited home if the U.S government guarantees he would get a fair trial where he can make “a public interest defense.” Uh, not sure if Snowden would be convicted or not, but getting media coverage of his defense is not going to be an problem.
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When the lights went out at one of his rallies, Donald Trump used the occasion to lash out at “the dishonest press.” Is that any way to talk about the people who have made it unnecessary for the Donald to pay for any of his publicity?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, snowden jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Bush jokes, Cruz jokes, Daytona 500 jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Trump jokes
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February 22, 2016
A new study says that coffee may lead to a lower risk of developing cirrhosis from drinking too much alcohol. Well, heck, that calls for an Irish coffee.
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Texas A&M got an upset win at the buzzer against #Kentucky in OT. Wonder how John #Calipari will discipline his players – make them go to class?
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LSU men’s basketball coach Johnny Jones benched star Ben Simmons for the start of tonight’s game against Tennessee because “we had to address some academic stuff with him earlier in the week.” Simmons entered the game after 4 1/2 minutes. 4 1/2 minutes?! Yeah, that will teach him.
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Barry Bonds today “God knows I’m a Hall of Famer.” But wonder how long baseball writers will still think -“The Hall of Fame is reserved for those who played the game with integrity, like Gaylord Perry.”
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Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh is being criticized for taking his football team to Florida for their allowed 20 hours a week practice during spring break. NCAA president Mark Emmert – “They’re having a hard time being students and doing what students want to do.”
Uh, let’s see, the option was staying in wintry Ann Arbor or going to Florida for a week, with free time after practice. And Emmert made his comment with a straight face?
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Marissa Mayer says she can still turn Yahoo around. From one ditch into another ditch?
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Jeb Bush suspended his Presidential campaign. Shocking many people who couldn’t see proof he was actually running one.
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Charles Koch says he agrees with Bernie Sanders that the “system is often rigged to help the privileged few at the expense of everyone else.” Well, and Koch and this brother ought to know. They helped rig it.
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Ted Cruz told his supporters tonight “We have made history.” Trouble is, most of this supporters don’t believe in history. (or math. )
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For the latest contest entry into the “How low can you go?” in this election, I give you Donald Trump’s tweet today:. “I wonder if President Obama would have attended the funeral of Justice Scalia if it were held in a Mosque? Very sad that he did not go! ” #nottheonion
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So Trump likes to denigrate education by saying we spend more per capita than any other country already. But then when he talks about about the military he’s not only okay with spending more than everyone else, he wants to spend more?
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The Georgia Senate passed a bill that that would protect people and organizations from “discriminatory action” by the government, if they opt out of serving any couple – gay or straight — if they cite a sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction regarding marriage.
So what happens when say, someone decides not to serve a couple “living in sin,” or a divorced couple? Or an unwed mother like Bristol Palin?
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From T.C. “Donald Trump reiterated his plan to build a border wall between the US and Mexico. In related news, Las Vegas oddsmakers have just installed Mexico as the favorites in the Olympic pole-vault competition.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bonds jokes, Bush jokes, Cruz jokes, drinking jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
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February 7, 2016
So Sunday night the pre-Super Bowl hype will be over. The pre-NFL draft hype starts Monday.
As of Saturday, Super Bowl ticket prices have fallen under $2,700. That’s cheaper than a Jeb Bush vote in Iowa.
So which has become a worse version of Groundhog Day – the never-ending Super Bowl pre game show, or yet another GOP debate?
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All these experts making Super Bowl predictions. And of course all of them predicted a Panthers Broncos matchup.
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Gregg Popovich gave a nice tribute to Kobe Bryant before game. After #Lakers came within 4 of ending #spurs streak he might take it back
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Playboy debuted their first non-nude issue. So now men really can say they read it for the articles.
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Affluenza teen Ethan Couch has been transferred to an adult jail. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
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A shooting at a strip club in Tampa has left 1 dead and 7 injured. And wonder how many more injured when the police investigation resulted in wives finding out their husbands were there.
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A friend somehow by mistake got on a Ted Cruz mailing list; his fundraising letter rails against moderates like Mitt Romney and John McCain, and says “it has been my honor to fight on your behalf against the DC liberals (of both parties.)…”
Showing again why Senator Cruz is so “beloved” in the Senate.
Justin Bieber was seen tonight in San Francisco skateboarding around town. That’s it. Time to build that wall. But on the Canadian border.
Donald Trump Saturday night “I would bring back waterboarding. And I would bring back a hell of a lot worse.” What, like making suspects listen to his speeches?
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Donald Trump, complaining today on Jeb Bush using Barbara on the campaign trail. Adding Bush “had to bring in mommy to take a slap at me. Not nice!” On the other hand, Trump attacking Jeb and his campaign – isn’t it also not nice to pick on those on life support?
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Martin Shrreli says “The only thing I regret about my Congressional testimony is forgetting to bring my Nintendo DS’: Is this guy trying to be a big enough douchebag that he gets considered for a possible Ted Cruz cabinet?
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#LetCarlyDebate is seriously trending on social media. Wonder how many of the posts are by Carly supporters and how many are by comedians.
From TC on the 58% percent increase in NFL concussions in 2015 compared to 2014: “Due mostly to Seahawks fans after February’s Super Bowl slapping themselves on their foreheads.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Cruz jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
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February 4, 2016
The Broncos’ Peyton Manning admitted being told he will probably need hip replacement surgery in future. Fortunately, he should have access to the best paleontologists.
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Jeb Bush’s Super Pac spent $14,900,000 in Iowa and he got 5,238 votes. That’s $2844 per vote. With that kind of overspending maybe Jeb should forget being President and aim for being GM of the LA Dodgers.
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Ah, Super Bowl media week. So Cam Newton was asked if he was “the Lebron James of the NFL?” He basically replied, “Why can’t Lebron be the Cam Newton of the NBA?”
Surprised actually that Cam didn’t respond “What, you think I’m only the second best player now in the NFL?”
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A story has emerged now that in 1998, John Elway turned down a deal, that amongst other things, would have let him buy 10% of the Denver Broncos for $15 million. And here Stanford fans think Elway’s biggest mistake was in clock management at the end of Big Game 1982.
( For non-Stanford fans, Elway called a time out with 8 seconds left before what he expected would be a game-winning field goal. Had he taken it down to less, the FG would have run out the clock. And Stanford would never have had to kick to Cal, and their own band…)
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The lawyer for Deborah Jeane Palfrey, the D.C. Madam, who hung herself in 2008 after being convicted for racketeering and prostitution charges, wants to release her black book naming over 800 clients. And he claims it could elect the Presidential election.
Well, gosh, and things have been so dull up to this point….
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Rand Paul today became the latest to drop out of the 2016 Presidential race, saying. “It’s been an incredible honor to run a principled campaign for the White House.” “Principled campaign?” Proving again he had no chance from the start. #wedontneednostinkingprinciples
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Rick Santorum is the latest to drop out of the GOP Presidential race. Shocking millions of Americans who thought he quit running after 2012.
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Trump has now tweeted that “Based on the fraud committed by Senator Ted Cruz during the Iowa caucus either a new election should take place or Cruz results nullified.”
So all those who were worried that Trump’s gracious and reasonable speech Monday night signaled the circus might be winding down – uh, not exactly.
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Although the email has emerged sent by Ted Cruz’s deputy campaign director “The press is reporting that Dr. Ben Carson is taking time off from the campaign trail after Iowa and making a big announcement next week. Please inform any Carson caucus goers of this news and urge them to caucus for Cruz.”
It’s this sort of classy behavior that has earned Ted the title “Most Hated Man in the Senate.”
Someone in Southern California who won a $63 million Lottery Jackpot last August will lose it all if they don’t claim the money by Feb 4. Heck, and most of feel badly when we misplace a bill or a check
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, GOP primary jokes, Iowa jokes, Janice Hough, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
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January 26, 2016
Against Golden State tonight, San Antonio turned the ball over so often you have to wonder if Carlson Palmer was involved.
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Apparently Johnny Manziel spent Sunday afternoon watching the Patriots and Broncos while drinking and partying at a Dallas bar. Well, makes sense. Guessing this will be one more in a long line of NFL playoff games that Manziel will be watching at a bar.
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Lebron James, talking about Tyronn Lue’s “vision” of implementing an up-coming offense. “I don’t know. We don’t know. This is what Coach wants to do… this isn’t a LeBron thing.” Translation, if it doesn’t work, Lue’s tenure could be nasty, brutal and short.
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Tom Brady, after yesterday’s loss, says he has “no excuses.” No worries, no doubt Giselle has plenty of them.
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Khloe Kardashian said of Lamar Odom that, “he’s doing great, but his memory’s not so good.” Maybe he’s doing great because he forgot he was married to a Kardashian?
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Donald Rumsfeld said that George H.W. Bush’s criticisms of him are not “very helpful” to Jeb’s run for the presidency. With all due respect, the person who is the least helpful to Jeb’s run for the presidency is Jeb.
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In Orlando, two former tech employees have filed a lawsuit, claiming Disney colluded with consulting companies in using H-1B visas to hire people from India to replace them. Not sure what will happen, but between legal fees and a possible settlement, sounds like ticket prices are going up.
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#RickPerry has endorsed #TedCruz. Wonder how many reasons the Texas Governor gave for the endorsement?
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Glenn Beck today called Donald Trump a “very dangerous man” after Trump’s remarks about shooting someone last week. Just how insane do you have to be for Beck to call you dangerous? #guessweknowtheanswertothatquestion
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A Texas grand jury looking into allegations against Planned Parenthood has issued indictments – against the anti-abortion activists who made the videos. Waiting for some GOP candidate to say, “Well, of course that’s what happens in a commie-pinko blue state…. Oops, never mind.
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So now that the Texas grand jury has cleared Planned Parenthood but indicted the people who made those misleading videos can we name Carly Fiorina as an unindicted co-conspirator?
Donald Trump says he could shoot someone dead on Fifth Avenue and not lose any votes. And somewhere Charlie Crist is thinking “But just try putting your arm around President Obama.”
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Chris Christie, in response to a questioner who asked him why he was in New Hampshire campaigning instead of back in New Jersey dealing with storm damage and flooding “What do you want me to do, bring a mop?”
If he does get the nomination, Christie could do the near impossible – make Hillary Clinton look warm and fuzzy.
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This bus-to-hell moment brought to you by Alex Kaseberg “Alaska was hit with a 7.2 earthquake. It was so bad it knocked Bristol Palin off the dude she just met.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, Bush jokes, Fiorina jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Manziel jokes, planned parenthood jokesMesMemessing with e, snow jokes, Trump jokes
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January 24, 2016
Not sure whose fault this storm is. But wonder if in Philadelphia some crazy fan said “God, please don’t let the 76ers lose again Saturday night”?
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In New York, Broadway shows were told to close Saturday. And no doubt hardy locals were thinking “No, no, it’s our one chance to get reasonably priced standby or Stubhub tickets to Hamilton.”
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And with all the train, transit, restaurant, theater etc. closing in New York over snow, no doubt folks in Chicago, Green Bay and Minneapolis were united in thinking “WIMPS!”
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Temperatures in Orlando, Florida have fallen into the 40s and may go as low as 33 tonight. “I feel so sorry for them” said no one on the East Coast.
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George Zimmerman’s divorce has been finalized. So guess what ladies, he’s single.
Apparently at least 80% of the money in Las Vegas has been waged on the Patriots tomorrow, even as 3 point favorites. So if Peyton and the Broncos pull it out, the top champagne toast for Vegas bookies will be “Omaha!”
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Barbara Bush has made a campaign ad for Jeb’s run for President, “Rather than talking about how popular they are or how great they are, he’s doing it because he sees huge need and it’s not being filled by anybody.”
Wonder how long it will take another GOP candidate showing Barbara saying we’ve had enough Bushes in the White House?
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Now Michael Bloomberg is talking about jumping into the Presidential race as a third party candidate. If nothing else he’ll give Trump a run on who has the biggest ego in New York City.
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Donald Trump said today at a rally in Iowa “I could stand in the middle of 5th Ave, shoot somebody & I wouldn’t lose any voters, it is incredible.”
I am not sure what’s scarier, that Trump said, it, or that it’s probably true.
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In Renton, Washington, an allegedly drunk young man dropped his gun in a movie theater showing “13 Hours.” It discharged and critically injured a woman #ifonlytheotherpatronshadbeenarmed
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So after today, the SAT test is changing and will no longer require the vocabulary section with often obscure words. Those of us who got into college partly because of how much we read find this rather lugubrious.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Janice Hough, jonas jokes, New York jokes, SAT jokes, snow jokes, storm jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
December 23, 2015
Apparently the state shut down 10 restaurants in South Florida: last week due to health violations like roaches and rodent droppings found on site. Well, clearly the patrons needed to be armed.
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Meanwhile a Florida man died after he accidentally shot himself while on a video call with a relative. The Miami-Dade Police said he was “explaining the proper way to clean a firearm” #cantfixstupid #butyoucanburystupid #Darwin
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The California Dungeness crab season will not open this year in time for Christmas due to perceived safety issues from toxins due to warmer than usual ocean temperatures.
Humbug. But I repeat, all those who don’t believe in science and/or global warming should be our canaries in the coal mine, or rather crab mine, and feast away:
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Jeb Bush, on what he might be expected to say at an upcoming New Hampshire event -“A sentence in the English language, you know? With an adjective and adverbs, three syllable words occasionally.”
Uh, Jeb, this is not exactly known as playing to the GOP primary base
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When all these companies who send almost spam all year to your email inbox then send electronic Christmas or Holiday greetings, you know, it’s still almost spam.
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Defending World Cup champion Marcel Hirscher was almost hit by a falling drone camera during a run in a World Cup race today in Italy. After the event Hirscher – “This is horrible. This can never happen again.” And sponsors are thinking – but think of the potential TV ratings. #Worldcupdemolitionderby
NY Giants coach Tom Coughlin said today that Odell Beckham “certainly was wrong, and we’ve said he was wrong from day one. But there were factors involved, starting in pregame, which are well documented, which indicate that there was an attempt to provoke him. He was provoked.”
I have some sympathy for Beckham being upset. But hate to say it, if you’re an adult NFL player, aren’t you supposed to be above freaking out over insults and trash talk?
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A Southwest plane landed safely today back at Oakland Airport after circling for four hours. The pilot was worried over a potential problem with the landing gear. No injuries but now for the important issue for most passengers – do they get extra frequent flier miles for all that circling?
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A Windstar ship has run aground at a remote island -Isla de Colba – off the coast of Panama. All passengers and crew are safe but the ship is too damaged to complete the cruise. CNN is crushed, the island is 200 miles from Panama City and with full planes around the holidays probably no way to get a big news crew down to cover it.
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Donald Trump is now claiming that “schlonged” isn’t vulgar. Well, at this point it might not be as vulgar as “Trumped.”
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Look, who the heck knows what goes on in anyone else’s marriage. But interesting that no one attacking Bill and Hillary, who actually are still together, seems to have a problem with the fact that both Trump and Fiorina both met their current spouses when they were married to their previous spouses. #familyvalues
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On Fox News, they have been suggesting that Chelsea Clinton’s second pregnancy was timed for her to have the baby right in the middle of the 2016 campaign. Uh, as if any 35 year-old woman can exactly time ANY pregnancy?
(and what about all babies being a gift from God and all that…. #notsoprolife
Black Lives Matter protesters shut down Mall of America and an airport terminal today. Now I sympathize with the cause. But if you want to get average Americans on your side making them miss a flight or not get their Christmas shopping done is probably not the best way to do it.
Categories: debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Christmas jokes, Florida jokes, GOP jokes
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November 10, 2015
The cover of the Washington Nationals 2016 calendar. For the uninitiated, or merely nearsighted, yes, that is the Green Monster, and yes, that IS Fenway Park, (Boston.)
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Regarding that Starbucks “no snowflakes on the Christmas cups” controversy. Uh, have any of those complaining actually checked the average weather in Bethlehem in December, or indeed any time in “winter?” There’s a reason those nativity scenes don’t have anyone including baby Jesus bundled up in a coat.
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Donald Trump, jumping into the Starbucks fray. says “maybe we should boycott” the coffee chain. But added “if I become president, we’re all going to be saying, ‘Merry Christmas’ again. That I can tell you.”
Trump doesn’t even need to become President, if he just gets the 2016 nomination Hillary will be saying “Merry Christmas, and thank you Santa Claus.”
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So when are we going to hear from the Jews that Starbucks not having an option of blue cups is disrespecting Hanukkah?
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We interrupt the Starbucks cups and Pyramid/grain silos stories to bring you breaking political news. In response to a NY Times poll that has gone viral, Jeb Bush said “Hell yes, I would” kill baby Hitler….. #beammeupScottiethereisnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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After the football team refused to play over “systemic” racism on campus, and the president’s handling of that racism, Tim Wolfe, the Univ. of Missouri president finally resigned this morning. Makes sense. Racism is serious. But football is REALLY serious.
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Had to love it today. Twitter knew security checkpoints at #MIAAirport were closed, #AmericanAirlines phone agents didn’t know, & it was THEIR planes. Then their phone agents say “tell passengers to go talk to airport agents.” Right. Both of the human agents left at airport could handle thousands of stuck people.
(the post security gate agents, as it turned out, were sent out to mill around in the pre-security area with passengers…..where they were apparently equally clueless. #tryingtomakeUnitedAirlines look good?)
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An Ohio man with a blood alcohol level of .30 was arrested after he got a 9-year-old boy to drive him to get some barbecue sauce. (Store officials interceded and wouldn’t let the boy drive home.) Not sure on the guy’s bail and final charges, but I do see a major endorsement opportunity ahead. #howmuchdoyouloveoursauce?
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Reggie Bush is suing the city of St. Louis after he injured himself slipping on the concrete sideline during 49ers-Rams game Nov 1. Wonder if St. Louis will try to get the suit thrown out -under the grounds that Bush has no personal regard for his own well being as evidenced by him having dated a Kardashian.
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So now “One Million Moms” is protesting American Girl Magazine for feature a family with four adopted children and gay fathers. Three words: “Pro-life my ass.”
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The Carolina Panthers say they will replace an expensive banner that a Packers fan brought to yesterday’s game saying “Carolina Cheesehead,” this after Cam Newton tore the thing down and took it. Well, good to see the NFL can move quickly when it’s important violence against banners.
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Bob Gibson turned 80 today. Wonder if he celebrated by brushing his grandchildren off the cake plate.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Janice Hough, missouri jokes, starbucks cup jokes, Starbucks jokes, Twitter jokes
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November 5, 2015
An astrophysicist at Caltech says he may have found evidence of alternate or parallel universes. Yeah, Americans already knew that. One is inhabited by Democrats, the other by Republicans.
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Cincinnati is 8-0. Who’d a thunk the Bengals would lead the NFL in any category but arrests?
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The National Geographic Society, which was just sold to Rupert Murdoch, announced they will lay off about 180 of its 2,000 employees. Including several people in the fact-checking department. Well, right, I mean, with a Murdoch company, who needs a fact-checking department?
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Former President George H.W. Bush, 91, criticized Rumsfeld and Cheney in his new book. Well, he did only serve one term, is George Sr. trying to prove HE”s the Bush we should send back to the White House?
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The Guardian is reporting that in London, historically one of the world’s most expensive cities, people were camping out overnight for a chance to buy new affordable flats starting at £199,000. (a little more than $300,000.)
Overnight? For those prices in SF people would camp out for a month .
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The NY Post reported that an Apache Indian leader who has been speaking out against the Redskins name, posted a picture of himself dressed up as Bob Marley in blackface for Halloween.
Sigh. Once again, proof that no race has a monopoly on hypocrisy.
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The Detroit Lions have fired their President and GM, and owner Martha Ford said “we want to make it clear that we have no intention of giving up on the season. We expect our team to compete and improve and win.”
Did they legalize marijuana in Michigan and not tell us?
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Ok, so qualifying for the next GOP debate on Fox Business Network are Trump, Carson, Rubio, Cruz, Bush, Fiorina, Kasich and Paul. Apparently I was mistaken, thought the prime-time debate was reserved for only the candidates who could actually win.
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Carly Fiorina: “GOP is a conservative party. Conservative voters will pick our nominee. The conservative networks should host our debates! ” Maybe nobody told Carly that after the primaries there’s actually a general election?
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Warriors owner Joe Lacob now says that he and his fiancée slept with the NBA championship trophy in their Cleveland hotel room. “I had made a promise to myselI would sleep with the trophy that night. Nicole and I did sleep with it. I’ll leave it to the imagination. We had a lot of fun with it.” #TMI #classnothingbutclass
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George Barris, 91, who created the original Batmobile, has died. Friends and family interested in going to his funeral have been instructed to turn back tomorrow. Same Bat time, same Bat channel.
The SF Chronicle reported that the SF Public Utilities Commission has released a list of their top water users in 2014. #1 was the Menlo Country Club, which used 320,842 gallons a day in Sept, enough for 7,825 typical San Francisco homes., and 66,322 gallons more than the utilities commission allotted the club with the current drought.
Yeah, once again, only little people care about water.
From Marc Ragovin: “Jeb Bush’s new campaign slogan is “Jeb Can Fix It.” Is he running for president or to become a new Pep Boy?”
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Ben Carson, on the pyramids in Egypt, which he thinks were NOT built as pharaohs’ graves. “My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain.”
And some say it doesn’t matter that students don’t have to take much history to go to med school. #cantfixstupid #cantfixignoranteither
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And finally, okay, friends and readers, time for a new game – what historical question would YOU like ask Ben Carson?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 4, 2015
Next week, Wisconsin will begin drug testing welfare recipients. Fine. Can they drug test EVERYONE who receives a pay check from the state? Starting with the legislature?
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Jeb Bush is now polling at 4% nationwide. Thinking not even the Supreme Court can turn those numbers into a win.
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Sen. Bernie Sanders has introduced legislation to end federal laws banning marijuana. Presumably Bernie still has hopes of his younger fan base?
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Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University is talking about hosting the final GOP Presidential debate in January. Right, so we don’t have any accusations about bias as we did with CNBC. #sarcasm
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The Dodgers have announced they will raise ticket prices from 10% to 25% next year. Makes sense, it’s not as if the team can make any real money by going deep into the postseason.
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Frontier Airlines is raising checked and carry-on bag fees by $5 to $10 for flights anytime between Nov. 19, 2015 to Jan. 5, 2016. Spirit Airlines is adding a $2 bag surcharge from Dec 16 to Jan 4.
So if you don’t get enough crying babies and children while flying during the holidays, you’re also more likely to be stuck on a plane with cranky parents.
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First Jimmy Fallon injured his fingers in two falls, now new Daily Show host Trevor Noah had an emergency appendectomy this morning. Seeming like these late night Comedy shows are hazardous to your health.
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The first College Football Playoff rankings are out. And Alabama, 7-1, jumped over several undefeated teams to make into the top 4 along with Clemson, LSU and OSU. “I am shocked” said nobody who pays attention to college football. #SECbias
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Beginning to think the best strategy for these GOP Presidential candidates is to keep quiet and be thought a fool. Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, asked if he could have a beer with someone nonpolitical, mentioned 18-year-old Pakistani Muslim activist Malala Yousafzai.
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Campus police at the University of Merced fatally shot a man who allegedly stabbed five students this morning. None of the students reportedly have life-threatening injuries. If only the suspect had been armed.
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Donald Trump has deleted a tweet he retweeted with anti-Jeb Bush pictures, including an image where the Bush family was depicted as Nazis. Wonder how long it will take Trump to find another “young intern” to blame this one on?
The NCAA has selected Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara for the 2019 College Football Playoff National Championship Game. Seems pretty unlikely that the 49ers will have any use for the field in January.
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At a San Francisco Bloomingdale’s, a shoplifter allegedly stole a purse pulled a hatchet on a security guard to make her getaway. Wow, it’s barely after Halloween and the crooks are in holiday form.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, drug jokes, GOP jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 25, 2015
The Pope celebrated Mass at Madison Square Garden. And possibly broke the record for the most people praying in that august arena, previously set by the Knicks.
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So what kind of a world do we live in when John Boehner is too moderate to lead Congress?
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Not questioning John Boehner’s decision to resign. But wouldn’t you think as a good Catholic the Speaker would have picked a day to do it where he didn’t take headlines from the Pope?
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A man was arrested after he stole a lottery ticket dispenser at 1a and later that morning tried to cash one of the tickets at the SAME STORE. — Do I even need to stay this was Florida?
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Jeb Bush yesterday talking about African-Americans to a Republican group. “Our message is one of hope and aspiration. It isn’t one of division and ‘Get in line and we’ll take care of you with free stuff.” So Jeb said it because that message worked so well for Mitt Romney .
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Jeb Bush says Pope Francis shouldn’t be talking about fighting climate change he “is not a scientist, he’s a religious leader.” Fine, so can we await Jeb’s statement that he and other candidates shouldn’t talk about climate change and other scientific issues because they are political leaders?
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So in the NY Giants finally won their first game of the season Thursday night. Who says no good ever comes from dealings with Washington?
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October will be “Breast Cancer Awareness” month. Wouldn’t it be nice if the only cancerous boob we worried about getting rid of was Ted Cruz?
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Already seeing some conservative media criticism over Michelle Obama’s wearing a $2,300 dress to meet the Pope, who has spoken against materialism. Right. And had she shown up in a $23 Target dress it would have been criticized as showing a lack of respect. #cantwin
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17 second stare down between umpire Joe West & #MadBum during Thursday night’s Padres-Giants game. Don’t blame West. After all 31,000 paid their way in to see him call balls & strikes.
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Paul Pierce, about to start his 18th season in the NBA, says he will probably retire if the Clippers win the championship. So wonder where Pierce hopes to play in 2016-17?
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Pete Rose met with Rob Manfred yesterday and the MLB commissioner reportedly told baseball’s all-time hits leader he will make a decision on reinstatement by the end of the year. Hope Rose didn’t ask “Can you give me odds on that?”
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A baby boy was born at Petco Field during the third inning of Thursday night’s Padres-Giants game. This would never have happened in Los Angeles, in the third inning Dodgers fans are still in the car on the way to the stadium.
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Donald Trump said at the Value Voters Summit “I brought my Bible. You know, it’s the First Presbyterian Church, Jamaica (Queens) and this was written by my mother, with my name, with my address, with everything.”
He didn’t add, “and maybe someday I’ll read beyond the inscription.”
Former Astros star Lance Berkman in a radio ad against the “Houston Equal Rights Ordinance,” which provides protection for LGBTs. “I played professional baseball for 15 years, but family is more important. My wife and I have four daughters. Proposition 1, the bathroom ordinance, would allow troubled men to enter women’s public bathrooms, showers and locker rooms….”
Right, as opposed to fine upstanding heterosexual men like Ben Rothlisberger?
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Kim Davis announced she is becoming a Republican. “I’ve always been a Democrat, but the party left me.” And Democrats are thinking “Not only left but shut the door and changed the locks. Amen.”
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Tags: Bush jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, Pope jokes, Trump jokes
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September 17, 2015
We don’t need no stinkin’ DH. #SFGiants
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Leaving aside the illegality of it, does Jeb Bush’s response of “Maggie Thatcher” for a woman to be on the $10 bill mean he can’t think of ONE worthy American woman? #andhessupposedtobethesmartone
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Jeb Bush tonight admitted to smoking marijuana 40 years ago, “other people might have done it but may not want to say it in front of 25 million people. My mom’s not happy that I just did.” Wow. Jeb smoked pot. And somewhere Barbara is thinking of his brother and just giggling.
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Over 22 million people tuned into CNN’s debate last night. Well, if all it takes is an outspoken entertainer as part of the show to get people’s attention, can we include Jon Stewart or Bill Maher in the Democratic debate?
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My friend Michael Powers noted this quote from Marco Rubio during the GOP debate: “These problems cannot be solved by intellect.”
Well, then that’s not an issue for most anyone who was on that stage.
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Apparently Kobe Bryant’s torn rotator cuff has healed enough so that he has been cleared to participate in basketball activities. Well, and it’s not like he’ll need to use the shoulder to pass or anything.
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American Airlines had a “technical issue” today that halted flights for about an hour at DFW, Miami, and O’Hare., their three main hubs.
How come it’s a “technical issue” when they have a problem, and at least a $200 change fee when YOU have a problem?
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Bengals kicker Mike Nugent is upset about the NFL making the PAT attempt longer.: “I don’t like the rule because — I could be wrong — but I don’t know of any rules that have been changed to make guys fail more.”
Well, two things. 1. Making “guys fail more” IS exactly the point. 2. Any rules, well, let’s start with lowering the MLB mound in 1969. And then there’s moving the kickoff, and the goalposts, and, well, I am sure my friends and readers have a long list.
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Anthony Weiner has lost his job he started in July at that fancy PR firm. So congrats to all those who had Sept 16 in the pool.
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Ann Coulter is facing more than the usual bipartisan criticism after she tweeted during the GOP debate “How many f–ing Jews do these people think there are in the United States?” Maybe she forgot that one of those Jews is Sheldon Adelson?
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Defensive lineman Jonathan Taylor has been dismissed from both Alabama and Georgia for a total of three arrests, two for domestic violence, Now Taylor has enrolled at Southeastern Louisiana and joined the football team. Well, a guy’s got to do something before he joins the NFL.
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The Coolidge, AZ, City Council voted Monday to allow prayers before council meetings, including a stipulation that they be Christian. Where are the GOP defenders of freedom of religion on this one?
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Pitcher Mat #Latos made much of hating #SF. Can’t wait to hear what he says about LA, now that the #Dodgers have DFA’ed him.
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Tags: airline jokes, Ann Coulter jokes, Bush jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes
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September 16, 2015
Tonight was the second GOP debate. Otherwise known as “Dancing with the Questions.”
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Joe Biden says that Donald Trump has a “sick” message, and is “appealing to the baser side of human nature, working on this notion of xenophobia in a way that hasn’t occurred in a long time.”
Wonder how many Trump supporters are thinking “What’s xenophobia? Trump’s just against all these damn foreigners.”
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Lots of candidate talk about Ronald Reagan. Not much talk about Reagan’s tax hikes, increased budget deficit, and signing an immigration act in 1986 that which granted amnesty to almost 3 million undocumented immigrants. Am sure it’s just coincidence. #GOPdebate
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All these candidates who want to defund
#PlannedParenthood and talk about family planning alternatives. Would one of them like to name one such alternative. And their plan to fund welfare for children born from unplanned pregnancies?
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All this discussion of “judicial tyranny” with the Supreme Court on the subject of gay marriage. Where were all these clowns when the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush President?
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Donald Trump on tonight’s debate: ‘I think I could tone it down a little”: Right, he could, but he didn’t..
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Donald Trump during the debate – I was for a flat tax before I was against it. I was for the rich paying more before I was against it. This is so confusing.
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Carly Fiorina goes back to the marijuana gateway drug line. Cue #DemonSheep. Cue #ReeferMadness #GOPDebate
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Jeb Bush – “My brother kept us safe.” Well, except for that little 9/11 thing. #GOPDebate
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Lindsey Graham says it doesn’t make sense to deport millions of undocumented immigrants, but they should learn to speak English. Well sure, but so should millions of people born in the U.S.
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I’d take these GOP candidates calling for war with Iran more seriously if they’d call for a draft to get people to fight it, and a way to pay for it.
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The NFL has granted permission for New England clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally, who were suspended over Deflategate, to return, and the Patriots will reinstate them.
So yeah, guess those footballs were so in awe of Brady’s brilliance that they just deflated themselves.
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More debate. A real question “If you’re elected President, how would the world look different after you lead office?” Waiting for the honest answer from someone: “Well, Hell would host an awesome Winter Olympics.” #GOPdebate
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Rutgers football coach Kyle Flood has been suspended three games and fined $50,000 for allegedly emailing a lecturer inquiring about a grade for one of his potentially failing players. What Flood is really being suspended and fined for? A). being too stupid to have one of his staff do the the dirty work, and B) putting it in an email..
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A post-debate thought. Talking about the general election Chris Christie said he would prosecute “Mrs. Clinton in those debates.” That is, if Christie is not defending himself in a courtroom over the backroom deals that led to the resignation of the CEO of United Airlines.
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#Peavy gets his first home run of the year. 9th for #SFGiants pitchers in 2015. One behind Pablo Sandoval. #byebyebaby
#ChrisHeston and #MattCain do not have home runs for the #SFGiants this year yet. Time to get them some ABs.
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Amazing story about the Muslim student who was accused of building a bomb when he had only built a clock. Have to wonder these days how many students can even read a clock?
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In a few cities, 7-11 is offering delivery service of a “Date Night Pack”, which includes ice cream, candy, Red Bull and condoms. Thinking if your idea of a Date Night is 7-11, you’re not likely to need the pack.
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Actor Stephen Rannazzisi, who said he escaped from the World Trade Center on 9-11 and then quit his desk job to become a comedian, now says he made the story up. Stand by for his interview with Brian Williams.
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The #SFGiants are on a mission to singlehandedly destroy the DH. Now Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher ever to reach base against Aroldis Chapman. But the Reds’ closer had gotten to an 0-2 count vs. 57 hitters this year. He struck out 41 of them, and none of them walked. Until Madbum.
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Tags: Bush jokes, debate jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP debate jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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September 16, 2015
Marshawn Lynch’s mom has posted on Facebook that she thinks the Seahawks offensive coordination is “the worst play caller ever, ” and should be fired. Maybe beginning to see why Lynch keeps his mouth shut.
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In a game where the entire #SFGiants bullpen seemed to be trying to outdo each other with a sucking contest, the Giants did come back, twice, from being 3 runs down. #Rallyskeeter. Almost a win. But they can’t say “We’re going to need a bigger cat.”
So a PAC supporting Jeb Bush has released a video touting Bush’s optimism about America, which features a sun rising in a field, with the message “choose a brighter path.” Nice. Except the field is in Cornwall, England. The video is titled “Bright.” #andjebissupposedtobethebrightone.
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The FDA has banned sales of four cigarette brands from R.J. Reynolds for not meeting safety review requirements. Shocking. Cigarettes HAVE safety requirements?:
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North Korea is now threatening the US with nuclear attack, saying they are ready to use weapons “at any time.” So assume there’s a Playstation involved?
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A just released video from last night video shows three SF 49ers fans beating a Minnesota Vikings fan outside Levi’s. So much for those who thought the Candlestick crowd wouldn’t make it down to the new stadium.
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Carly Fiorina cut 30,000 jobs when she was at HP. Current CEO Meg Whitman has cut 55,000 and now may cut another 30,000 more. Is Meg trying to make her fellow Republican look good by comparison?
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The University of Texas has fired their athletic director. The real reason can be explained in four words: the football team sucks.
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Gary Busey has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Thinking the Donald probably already had 98% of the people who are crazy enough to care about Busey’s endorsement.
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Marco Rubio started at Tarkio College in Missouri on a football scholarship, then went to Santa Fe Community College, then finally ended up at the University of Florida for his bachelor’s degree. Yesterday he said in Iowa, “Look, I don’t have anything against Florida State. I think there has to be a school where people who can’t get into Florida can go to college.”
Is Rubio trying to prove he’s enough of an overgrown frat boy to be Trump’s running mate?
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Bobby Jindal’s latest – ” Donald Trump is a madman who must be stopped,” Almost makes you wish Jindal was at the grown ups table for the prime-time debate tomorrow, just to see him and the Donald face off.,
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A new Korean study found that antibacterial soaps are no more effective than plain soap at killing germs, as the active ingredient only makes a difference after 9 hours.
Let’s hope OCD folks don’t see this and make 9 hours a goal.
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Tags: Bush jokes, Fiorina jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lynch jokes
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May 17, 2015
So since Friday, when the smokestacks topped with bats caught fire at Great American Ball Park, the SF Giants have scored 30 runs in three games. Is it time to do a sacrificial bat bonfire out in the Coke Bottle at AT&T Park?
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Getting the feeling that they had to have to pry #SFGiants hitters kicking & screaming out of the Cincinnati visitor’s clubhouse
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A teenager fortunately escaped with non-life threatening injuries after being gored while posing for a picture with a bison a few feet away. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised to know the teen is female. #equalopportunityDarwin
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Sunday was is “Bay to Breakers” in San Francisco. In many ways a quaint reminder of the days when California used to be considered the craziest state in the U.S.
That #Romney #Holyfield charity boxing match just may have had more action than #Mayweather #Pacquaio
Henry Cisneros said today he thought Hillary Clinton would choose former San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro as her running mate. You’ll know the rumors are serious when some in the GOP start making noises about Castro’s birth certificate.
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Bernie Sanders today on CNN denied he would be a “spoiler” in the 2016 race, and added “Maybe I shouldn’t say this: I like Hillary Clinton, I respect Hillary Clinton” But also asked if the media would “allow us to have a serious debate. Or is the only way you get media attention by ripping apart somebody else”
Besides being a self proclaimed “Democratic socialist,” Sanders is clearly too reasonable to ever be elected President.
Jeb Bush just joined with those who say that Christian business owners should not have to provide services for gay weddings “absolutely, if it’s based on a religious belief.”
I’d take Jeb and any of his fellow candidates more seriously if they would also come out and defend the right of those same business owners to reject wedding services where both parties haven’t remained virgins until marriage, or where one or both have been previously divorced….
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So it’s becoming closer to unanimous amongst U.S.Presidential candidates that the Iraq War might have been a mistake. Now wonder who will be the first to admit there might be issues with the statement “The world is a better place without Saddam Hussein.” #Isis #forstarters–
Kobe and company would like to thank the #Clippers for their gallant effort in contesting the #Lakers for this year’s most embarrassing story at Staples Center
Rut ro, from Marc Ragovin ” The good news: Charlotte Brown, a blind pole vaulter, won a bronze model at a recent track meet by clearing the bar at 11’6″. The bad news: her guide dog, Vador, will no longer be able to have puppies.”
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Tags: Bush jokes, choke jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, San Francisco jokes, SF Giants jokes
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May 17, 2015
As Jeb Bush fumbles his way around the Iraq question, have to wonder if Jimmy Carter is quietly thinking “And they said MY brother was an embarrassing liability.”
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Russian President Vladimir Putin apparently scored 8 goals while playing in an exhibition hockey game with former NHL players. Not to be outdone, Kim Jong Un reported scoring 16 goals in a game after using an anti-aircraft gun on the goalie.
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#FAOSchwarz‘s flagship store in New York is closing. For many of us, especially #TomHanks fans, that’s a #Big loss.
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American Pharoah has a misspelled name. These days does that make him truly America’s horse?
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Walt Disney World is opening an Indiana Jones Themed bar and restaurant. Not sure all the entrees, but will one of them have to be snake?
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It’s May 17. Which means we are only a month and two days away from a potential game 7 in the NBA finals No joke. #andtheysaythebaseballseasonistoolong
Happiest people besides Houston Rockets fans after the Los Angeles Clippers’ collapse in game six? Advertisers for the fourth quarter of game seven. Regardless of the score, NO ONE is going to turn the game off early.
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When asked if their hockey team could win the Stanley Cup most New Yorkers answer “Yes.” Most Floridians answer “We have a hockey team?”
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Full credit to whoever was in charge of music at Great American Ballpark last night. While the smokestack burned they played “We Didn’t Start The Fire.”
Meanwhile , so all that the #SFGiants were missing to turn into an offensive juggernaut was for someone to set a fire in the outfield?
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-A US raid has killed a major ISIS commander. Finally something the GOP won’t blame on Obama.
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Elizabeth Warren at the Anaheim Convention Center with one of the best summation of the 2016 GOP Presidential candidates: Some of them took too many rides on the tea cups across the street.
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Anti-vaccine protestors outside the California Democratic convention have a number of signs. Including one that says the Republicans are against mandatory childhood vaccinations. And a number of Democratic candidates are thinking “Can we borrow that sign?”
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The Clintons have apparently made $30 million in the last 16 months. “Slackers,” sniffed Mitt Romney.
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Some Republicans are blasting Bill and Hillary Clinton for making $30 million mostly off speeches. At least they think Chelsea will make her money the American way – by inheriting it.
From Bill Littlejohn: ” At a Connecticut golf course, a man in one group ahead brandished a gun on a second group behind who complained that they were moving too slow and demanded to play through. This gives new meaning to ‘approach shot’.”
(wonder if he was on vacation from Florida)
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Tags: American Pharoah jokes, Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, SFGiants jokes, Triple Crown jokes
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May 14, 2015
Florida Gov. Rick Scott has signed legislation that allows the sale of “growler” beers, i.e. 64 ounce containers, in the state. “Growlers” are apparently legal already in most other states. Wonder if the hold-up was the worry that Floridians would consider them single-servings? #staggeringyourground
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The Patriots are claiming that the locker room attendant whose texts implicated Brady in Deflategate only called himself “the deflator” because he was trying to lose weight. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Steelers FB Le’Veon Bell to ESPN on his three-game suspension over marijuana possession and DUI. “I made a mistake,” Bell said. “I’m going to just have to do my time.” Whoa. This guy sounds way too responsible to be in the NFL. #wherestheexcuses?
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Fans who try to order a customized Patriots jersey from NFLshop.com with “DEFLATOR” on the back are receiving an error message: “We are unable to customize this item with the text you have entered. Please try a different entry again.”
Where are the defenders of free speech on this one?
(These jerseys are $294.99 plus tax and shipping. My father points out, They are refusing to do “deflator” for $295? That is a gross violation of their most sacred principles.)
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Missouri House Speaker John Diehl has resigned after texts obtained by the Kansas City Star indicated a sexual relationship between him and a college freshman intern. Well, at least the intern is female. #Whenwilltheyeverlearn #secrettextisanoxymoron
(and of course, Diehl is a married -for now- father of three, virulently anti-gay marriage types, who led the fight to override Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon’s veto of a bill that would allow employers not to cover birth control because of THEIR religious views. )
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Drought math: Apparently it takes about 1,800 gallons of water to produce a pound of beef. only 32 gallons for a glass of wine. And 17 gallons for an average shower. So if Californians can just eat a little less and drink a little more, we can all be happier and cleaner.
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George Zimmerman now apparently is thinking of leaving Florida because he gets “trouble” there. Okay, who wants to volunteer here? South Carolina? Arizona, Texas…?
At the time of writing this, the Padres are in a RAIN delay in San Diego. Wonder how long it took the grounds crew to find the tarp? #whatisthiswaterfallingfromthesky? #wehaveatarp?
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Apparently the engineer of the Amtrak train that derailed was going 106 MPH when he should have been going 50 MPH. Why weren’t there safeguards in place? Why wasn’t there a second engineer maybe to tell him to slow down? Budget cuts.
But Congress is on it. Today the House voted to cut another $252 million from the Amtrak budget.
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Just thinking, so if PTC (Positive Train Control) is too expensive for now…. how much would it cost to have an assistant engineer also in the Amtrak engine? #alotcheaperthananaccident
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So former NFL QB A.J. Feeley says Brady and the Patriots have been cheating with the footballs for years. Well, first, New England says they didn’t do it this time, and second, if they had of course it was just a one-time impulse that they had never tried before….. #howcanyoudoubtSaintBrady?
Nick Saban on the new college football playoff system, said it was “great to be a part” of it. But he also thought “by having a playoff we would minimize the interest in other bowl games, which I think is sort of what happened and I hate to see that for college football.” Uh, does Saban think most people EVER cared about 90% of the other bowl games?
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After Paul Pierce hit a 3 pointer with 8.3 seconds left in the Wizards-Hawks games for the lead he looked at the Atlanta bench and called “Series.” Because it would have taken too long to say “Mission Accomplished?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Brady jokes, Bush jokes, deflator jokes, delflator, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, John Diehl jokes, NFL jokes, Patriots jokes, wine jokes, Wizards jokes
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May 9, 2015
The Washingon Wizards won Saturday despite squandering a bigger lead today faster than Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Presidential Primaries. #WizHawks
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The VTA (Valley Transportation Authority) in Santa Clara County, Northern California, claims that they are having to spend $3 million extra on extra trains and buses for events at Levi’s Stadium, especially 49ers games, which have had huge lines going home.
Maybe one bright side of the upcoming season will be less crowding since a lot more SF fans will be probably leaving in the 3rd quarter.
The Alabama House passed the “Tim Tebow Act” this week, which allows home-schooled children to play sports at public schools.
“We are a group of citizens of the great state of Alabama lobbying for our state public education establishment to allow homeschooled students equal access to sports and extracurricular activities.”
Translation, religion/schmelgion, if it leads to potential championships and Heisman winners, we don’t even care if athletes are raised by Wiccans.
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Yasiel Puig, due to come off the DL this week, has apparently reaggravated his hamstring injury. The Dodgers play the Giants starting May 19. Which could set up a quandry for SF fans. Who do we most boo?
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As we await Roger Goodell’s decision on Tom Brady, anyone doubt if this had been say, the Raiders, there wouldn’t have been multiple suspensions by now?
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Yahoo is suing an ex-employee for allegedly revealing company secrets last year to a writer for his book. This is really shocking. Yahoo has any worthwhile secrets?!
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A spoof news site, Newslo, ran a story on that Baltimore mom who grabbed her son and pulled him out of the riots, title “Child Protective Services Launch Investigation on Baltimore Mom Who Hit Son,” with the fake quote “although her actions are somewhat understandable, we cannot allow a young man to suffer such violence and abuse, regardless of the cause.”
And some regular media picked the story up as true. The scary thing, these days it wouldn’t be that surprising if it WERE true.
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San Francisco has banned chewing tobacco in sports venues starting Jan 1, 2016. John Shea in the SF Chronicle quotes one anonymous Giant as asking “But you can smoke weed?”
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The USGS says the Dallas, TX area has has over 40 small earthquakes (magnitude 2.0 or higher) in 2015. How long until Ted Cruz blames this on Obama?
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Jeb Bush at Liberty University blasted the Obama administration’s “use of coercive federal power” to limit religious freedom. I’d take him a lot more seriously if Jeb was also okay with defending religious freedom for non-Christians….
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Congrats to Bryce Harper, who has hit 6 home runs in 3 days. Although this does bring up the question, why the heck is anyone throwing him strikes?
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Paul Pierce wins a game at the buzzer that the Wizards had done their best to squander. Impressive. Given his age and skills Pierce is almost old enough to be offered a free agent contract by the Spurs.
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A NJ woman has filed a $5 million class-action lawsuit against United Airlines, saying she was misled when she paid $7.99 for four hours for DirectTV-wifi service that only worked for 10 minutes. But the airline says the service only works over the continental U.S. and she was flying to Puerto Rico. Maybe the one she should be suing is her geography teacher.
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March 14, 2015
In India, a bride left her husband to be at the altar after testing him on his math skills. She asked “How much is 15 plus six?” He answered, 17. Just guessing that’s not going to be part of Bristol Palin’s wedding ceremony.
Since their performances in Chicago on July 4 weekend sold out so quickly, the surviving members of the Grateful Dead are reportedly thinking about adding shows at Levi’s Stadium or AT&T Park. Now, I know a lot of Deadheads are in the SF Bay Area. But really, for real authenticity, shouldn’t the band now consider a show in Colorado?
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Vladimir Putin has not been seen in public for over a week. Yesterday Swiss paper Bilk reported that the Russian leader, 62, was in Switzerland with his rumored girlfriend, Alina Kabayeva, 31, a former gold-medal gymnast, for the birth of their daughter. Hmm. wonder if Putin will return saying he was hiking the Alpine trail.
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RIP Al Rosen, 91.. Seems sadly fitting that he and Candlestick Park would not outlive each other. #Yougottalikethiskids #SFGiants
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Who says geeks have no sense of humor? MIT issued its admissions decisions Saturday night at 9:26pm #PiDay
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Amazing some of the “stupid-is-a-virtue” types in this country weren’t screaming about “Happy Pi Day” being elitist. But to be fair, they probably thought it only refers to dessert.
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Groupon is selling tickets to see Chicago and Earth, Wind & Fire this July. Is this a good idea now? The bands’ targeted demographic may not be able to remember anything they book that far ahead.
The Toronto Raptors just ended a 16-game losing streak tonight against the Miami Heat. And the Philadelphia 76ers sniffed “amateurs!”
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The San Jose Sharks may not make the playoffs, but they’re making headlines. On Thursday, GM Doug Wilson told a group of season holders that the team took the captain’s “C” from Joe Thornton because the pressure and stress were getting to him. And on Friday, Thornton told the Mercury News, Doug “just needs to stop lying, shut his mouth.” Who do the Sharks think they are? The 49ers?
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Jeb Bush refused to say whether he would have signed the letter the 47 Senators wrote to Iran, saying they did it out of “frustration” and “that I do think that we need to get back to a bipartisan consensus on foreign policy.” Translation, I want to be President and I don’t want the Democrats doing the same thing to me.
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As Americans prepare for selection Sunday, perhaps a way we could get people to focus on their vote for 2016 is to start a Presidential Bracket. 64 picks, presumably with Bush and Clinton as one seeds, maybe Walker and Warren next. Plenty of trendy picks like Christie, Paul, etc. And enough potential Cinderellas to fill out the rest. (Not like say, Harvard, has any more chance than some political unknowns.)
Then simply say the brackets could not be used for real betting purposes and let the fun begin.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Bush jokes, grateful, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Palin jokes, pi day jokes, Putin jokes, Sharks jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 14, 2015
The NY Yankees apparently have told Alex Rodriguez he could use Yankee Stadium as a location to make a public apology. What, along the lines of “Today I consider myself the scuzziest man in America.”?
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Apparently some people are more upset than usual that they didn’t win the Powerball lottery. Because one of three winners was from Puerto Rico – – and you know, damn foreigners…. No joke. #cantfixstupid
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So cold in New York All-Star game weekend that the players won’t even be able to hit the streets looking for their future baby-mamas.
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Jeb Bush, when asked Friday about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars his brother started – “I won’t talk about the past.” Does Jeb want to be President, or Mark McGwire?
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Major League Baseball is thinking of shrinking the strike zone to attract younger fans. Of course, maybe if the sport REALLY wanted younger fans maybe they would have not scheduled all the World Series games for the past several years to start after 830p Eastern time and finish around midnight.#pastbedtimes
I know the San Francisco Bay Area is experiencing near record high temperatures while the Midwest and East Coast freeze. But the SF Chronicle running an online article today about the best outdoor bars in town is probably adding insult to injury.
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In Fresno, an 8-yr-old girl is recovering after being shot by her 10-yr-old sister with a handgun that their father had left on a bed in their home. Dad’s job? He’s a county sheriff’s deputy. #howdoyoustopastupidgoodguywithagun?
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#ValentinesDay is a tough day for many people. On the other hand it’s followed by #HalfPriceCandy day!
Bad news for Dodgers fans, the 2015 season may still be in a TV blackout. Worse news for Lakers fans. The rest of their 2015 season won’t be.
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Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked in London whether he believes in the theory of evolution, and responded. “I’m going to punt on that one…. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other.” Evolution is a “question”? We’ve had stupid in politics for a while, but when did it become a virtue?
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Tags: A-Rod jokes, Boston jokes, Bush jokes, Janice Hough, NBA All-Star game jokes, Powerball jokes, weather jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 