Posted tagged ‘Powerball jokes’

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Goals?

June 11, 2017

If SF Giants want to score 15 runs in a series might be a good idea not to score almost all of them all in one game.  (13-8 win over the Twins today.)

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A goal by the Nashville Predators in game six of the Stanley Cup playoffs was disallowed after a referee blew a whistle in error but nonetheless affirmed that since the whistle had blown, the play was dead.  And people say baseball has strange rules.

 

Warner Brothers has stopped filming on this season of Bachelor in Paradise, saying “We have become aware of allegations of misconduct on the set of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ in Mexico.
Wait. Isn’t misconduct the point of the show?

 

 

The $447.8 million Powerball winning ticket was sold in Menifee, California. Wonder if this means the first thing the winner does is moves out of Menifee.

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A Powerball winner in California will take home a $447.8 million jackpot. Wow. That’s almost enough to buy a house in San Francisco.

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Noticed a bottled water at a hotel has an expiration date? So what exactly happens when water expires?

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Nick Gordon, the ex-boyfriend of Bobbi Kristina Brown, has been arrested on a domestic violence charge in Florida.  Not sure about the Smart or Not Smart Women here, but can you say REALLY foolish choice?

 

Also in Florida a judge decided to grant bail to a self-proclaimed neo-Nazi  who idolizes the Oklahoma City bomber and Hitler  and has said he used bomb-making devices in a college engineering club.  “I am unable to conclude there is clear and convincing evidence that Defendant represents a threat to any other person,”

The young man was arrested after he purchased a gun and several rounds of ammunition in June, this after police found explosives in his apartment in May when his roommate was arrested for murder.

What could possibly go wrong?

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Apparently Donald Trump doesn’t want to make a planned state visit to Britain if the Prime Minister cannot guarantee him there will be no major protests.

And millions of Brits are going “Promise?”

 

 

Guessing at this point if Trump said “Yes I did threaten Comey” his defenders would say it was in the nation’s interest.

 

John McCain just told #Guardian that American leadership was better under President Obama. Standby for “Loser McCain” tweets in 3.2.1….

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Show some respect, eh?

May 8, 2016

It takes some work to make Canadians angry. But Dwyane Wade managed to do it, by taking warm up shots during the Canadian national anthem. On the other hand, the Raptors, who sometimes seem to have trouble getting fired up, won the game. So maybe Wade should keep up the “Oh Canada” shooting.

 

Major league teams are selling today’s Mother’s Day equipment and uniforms to raise money for breast cancer research. Although the SFGiants. who lost 2-0, and were 0-6 with runners in scoring position,  won’t be able to market them as actual “game-used” bats.

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An unknown person in New Jersey has won the $429 million Powerball lottery. His or her first act with the winnings will no doubt be to move out of New Jersey.

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Americans apparently spend over $21 billion on Mother’s Day. Wow. To be fair, at least $1 billion of that must be spent by players in the NBA.

 

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#‎Hawks‬ have now joined the ‪#‎Braves‬ in making ‪#‎Atlanta‬ fans really look forward to the ‪#‎Falcons‬.

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The Yankees are in last place and worse, ticket sales are way down. Not sure what the team will do. Maybe they can sign Kobe Bryant for a one year contract so he can sit the bench and do a baseball version of his farewell tour?

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Ted Cruz apparently feels now that he could have stopped Donald Trump, if Marco Rubio had only agreed to become his running mate in March. Got news for Ted, the bottom half of the ticket wasn’t why Americans “Just Said No” to him.

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Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she’d be willing to be Donald Trump’s running mate. Waiting for Hillary Clinton to second that choice in female solidarity.

 

Sarah Palin on Paul Ryan “His political career is over.” Well, ‪#‎takesonetoknowone‬

 

 

Mississippi State has confirmed that a student died when he fell off of the football stadium Jumbotron at 1:30am Saturday morning. Sad, but just guessing alcohol gets an assist on this Darwin award.

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To save money, Dropbox is apparently cutting back on some of its perks. The company is pushing free dinner from 6pm to 7pm, and limiting guests to five a month. ‪#‎Getouttheviolins‬

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David Maloney is an  Alabama attorney who has run commercials talking about how he turns out down drunk drivers as clients. ” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you drink and you drive and you hurt someone, don’t call me. I’m not going to represent you, I’m not going to help you. If anything, I’m going to be the lawyer going after you.”

Maloney was arrested this weekend in Florida. For alleged DUI.  Well, guess he won’t be one of those fools who has himself for a client.  #meanbitchkarmahasacousinhubris

 

 

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Timing is everything?

January 13, 2016

The NFL is moving back to Los Angeles. So will LA Rams football fans who are also Dodgers ‪fans arrive in 2nd quarter & leave in 3rd?

 

United Airlines has sent an email to frequent fliers, excitedly touting their new free snack in domestic economy class. Either a half ounce package of savory mix or a stroopwafel  (dutch caramel) cookie.  Is the airline trying to induce “Stockholm Syndrome?”

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Hue Jackson has apparently decided to become the head coach at Cleveland. Just how bad has the 49ers franchise become that the Browns look like a better option?

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So the going rate for a new NFL stadium seems to be about a billion dollars. Does this mean tonight’s Powerball winner can if they want have the Raiders?

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Missouri has vacated their men’s college basketball wins from the 2013-14 and will not be eligible for this year’s postseason due to “major violations.” Meanwhile, Frank Haith, who coached during most of the violations, is happily coaching at an unsanctioned (for now) Tulsa. Ain’t NCAA justice grand?

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The search for MH370 in the Indian Ocean has turned up an 19th century shipwreck. And CNN is asking hopefully “Was it a cruise ship?”

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Iran has freed 10 U.S.sailors they detained for straying into their waters. Many in the GOP are furious. The sailors weren’t even held long enough for them to blame Obama.

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Former NFL RB Lawrence Phillips was found dead in his California prison cell early Wednesday, a suspected suicide. Not my better angels here but – “What a shame,” said nobody.

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Chris Christie has not only become anti-choice, he now denies ever making Planned Parenthood donations. Except this is the 1994 quote, from his pro-choice days. “I support Planned Parenthood privately with my personal contribution and that should be the goal of any such agency, to find private donations.”
Uh, Christie can’t just say “I have become pro-life and as such I realized I can’t support them anymore?” ‪#‎cantfixstupid

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The angry reaction from some Republicans on Nikki Haley’s speech doesn’t illustrate the difference between the conservative and moderate wings of the GOP: it illustrates the difference between the conservative and bat-shit crazy wings of the GOP.

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Bus to hell time – One of the men occupying that Oregon Wildlife refuge is unhappy that some responding to their call for supplies have been sending dildos. So what’s the problem, the occupiers also want K-Y jelly?

 

-reader Bill asks  “Just wondering? Do you think we could find Jimmy Hoffa if Rolling Stone could set up an interview with Sean Penn?”

(i wonder, maybe Penn could have helped us save a lot of money finding Bin Laden)

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A cold day…

January 7, 2016

 

The Minnesota Vikings are warning their fans that temperatures are expected to hit a high of 1 degree on Sunday. And Green Bay fans are thinking “1 degree? We could wear shorts.”

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Lots of expert predictions on this weekend’s NFL playoff games. And we should listen to all those experts because they all predicted the hosts for these games would be Houston, Cincinnati, Minnesota and Washington?!

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So now Johnny Manziel has been cited for driving with expired license plates. Even JaMarcus Russelll is saying “Dude, get it together.”.

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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers fired Lovie Smith, who was their third coach in five years. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking, “Jeez, show a little patience.”

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Missed the ‪#‎Powerball‬ numbers last night by six. And I didn’t even play.

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The next Powerball lottery jackpot will approach $700 million, resulting in turn millions of new players.  Because $400 million just doesn’t buy what it used to?

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House Speaker Paul Ryan on what the GOP needs to do to win: “We have to show people what our principles are and how we apply those principles to the problems of the day to offer people real solutions”
And most of the Presidential candidates are going “Principles?”

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One big problem faced by the the ‪#‎SF49ers‬ in their coaching search – any coach who is smart enough for the job, is probably also smart enough not to take it. ‪#‎trainwreck‬

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Since their spring semester has started, Clemson asked for and got an NCAA waiver from a rule today which prevents “in-session” schools from practicing or holding team meetings for more than four hours per day or 20 hours per week. The school said players will miss class “only with professor approval.” And of course if any professor denies approval it would only be a coincidence if that professor is denied tenure.

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A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting‬?

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A man handed a Bradenton hospital employee a wrapped burrito he said was for a patient. The employee checked and found that inside the burrito was a syringe of heroin. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎andyouthoughtguacamolewasaddicting‬

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House Speaker Paul Ryan said that Obama’s executive actions on guns were “a distraction” and that the President should be focused on fighting terrorism. But hey now, that 62nd repeal attempt for Obamacare, THAT was important.

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Interesting that ‪#‎JohnMcCain‬ stated strongly that ‪#‎BarackObama‬ was an American but he’s not so sure about ‪#‎TedCruz‬

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Hillary Clinton, asked this week about extra-terrestrials, said “I think we may have been visited already” by aliens. “We don’t know for sure.” Heck, for all we know, one or two of them may be running for President.

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From my funny friend Jerry Perisho “Ken Griffey, Jr. was voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. On his way to the podium, he pulled a hamstring and was placed on the disabled list.”

 

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Judgment day?

February 14, 2015

The NY Yankees apparently have told Alex Rodriguez he could use Yankee Stadium as a location to make a public apology. What, along the lines of “Today I consider myself the scuzziest man in America.”?

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Apparently some people are more upset than usual that they didn’t win the Powerball lottery. Because one of three winners was from Puerto Rico – – and you know, damn foreigners…. No joke. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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So cold in New York All-Star game weekend that the players won’t even be able to hit the streets looking for their future baby-mamas.

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Jeb Bush, when asked Friday about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars his brother started – “I won’t talk about the past.” Does Jeb want to be President, or Mark McGwire?

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Major League Baseball is thinking of shrinking the strike zone to attract younger fans. Of course, maybe if the sport REALLY wanted younger fans maybe they would have not scheduled all the World Series games for the past several years to start after 830p Eastern time and finish around midnight.‪#‎pastbedtimes‬

 

I know the San Francisco Bay Area is experiencing near record high temperatures while the Midwest and East Coast freeze. But the SF Chronicle running an online article today about the best outdoor bars in town is probably adding insult to injury.

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In Fresno, an 8-yr-old girl is recovering after being shot by her 10-yr-old sister with a handgun that their father had left on a bed in their home. Dad’s job? He’s a county sheriff’s deputy. ‪#‎howdoyoustopastupidgoodguywithagun‬?

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#‎ValentinesDay‬ is a tough day for many people. On the other hand it’s followed by ‪#‎HalfPriceCandy‬ day!

 

 

Bad news for Dodgers fans, the 2015 season may still be in a TV blackout. Worse news for Lakers fans. The rest of their 2015 season won’t be.

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Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked in London whether he believes in the theory of evolution, and responded. “I’m going to punt on that one…. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other.” Evolution is a “question”? We’ve had stupid in politics for a while, but when did it become a virtue?

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Do you hear what I hear?

February 9, 2015

The Grammys were tonight. For many of us a chance to really feel old. As not in “I don’t like that music” but “who is that anyway”?

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Confused though.   Were the ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ honoring ‪#‎SamSmith‬ tonight, or ‪#‎TomPetty‬?

 

Apparently climbers in the Andes say have found the wreck of a LAN Chile plane that disappeared in April, 1961 with 34 people on board. Stay tuned for the CNN special on what this may mean about the disappearance of MH 370.

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The NBA has fined Clippers point guard Chris Paul $25,000 for his comments about referee Lauren Holtkamp. Sounds like one commissioner at least remembers that his sport has female fans.

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Random sidelight to this Chris Paul comments controversy, it’s worth nothing that having a female assistant coach, Becky Hammon, doesn’t seem to have hurt the Spurs too much this year. ‪#‎girlpower‬

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The Powerball jackpot is up to $450 million. And alas in America more people probably think they’re going to win it than think they have a chance of getting sick without being vaccinated.

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It just gets worse for Brian Williams, today, the embattled NBC anchor was alleged to have referred to the NY Knicks as a professional basketball team

 

Brian Williams has backed out of a scheduled appearance on David Letterman Thursday. Okay,  friends and readers, shall we start a “Top Ten Reasons Why?”

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Dean Smith, 83, has passed away. He wasn’t the father of the shot clock. But he created the need for one. ‪

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At Dean Smith’s funeral, will programs be passed slowly around the church for an hour before the ceremony starts?

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Left-handed pitcher, Sarah Hudek, who throws in the mid 80s, just signed a letter of intent for a scholarship at Louisiana’s Bossier Parish Community College. Good luck to the young woman, and hey, she’s already 20 mph or so ahead of Barry Zito.

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Bill Cosby had scheduled shows in Boston tonight. After the rape allegations became public, the theater originally offered upset ticket holders who called their money back, but later announced no further refunds would be given. Now with the latest storm, the shows have been cancelled. Game, set and match to Mother Nature.

 

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NASA has released a video of the far side of the moon. Is it set to a Pink Floyd soundtrack?

 

As if we needed proof, again, that being a star athlete has nothing to do with intelligence, common sense, or even at times decency…. Chipper Jones apologized for tweeting Friday “So the FBI comes out and confirms that Sandy Hook was a hoax! Where’s the outrage? What else are we being lied to about? Waco? JFK? Pfff…”

Jones apologized yesterday, said he was “irresponsible,” but had “heard something from someone which I thought to be credible and tweeted w/out researching.” Notes to Chipper. 1. Use the internet. 2. Use your head. 3. Drop that “someone” as a source. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Shoot, look who’s the messenger!

September 19, 2013

Pope Francis said in an interview that the Catholic church has been too focused on the issues of abortion, gay marriage and contraception and suggests it find a “new balance” to deliver its message. Would Francis like to come to America and deliver the same message to the Republican party?

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A Pennsylvania man was charged with a DUI, on a riding lawn mower. Wonder if their first clue was that he thought he was driving his car?

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Japanese baseball commissioner Ryozo Kato resigned over a controversy involving a new home run record. (The league had switched to a livelier baseball.) Meanwhile, of course, Bud Selig has had NOTHING to do with any of MLB’s home run record issues….

(this last item brought to you by the Brooklyn Bridge realty company.)

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Apparently one $400 million winning Powerball ticket was sold today in South Carolina. So regarding Miss Carolina’s comment in the Miss America pageant that 20% of her state lives in mobile homes – make that 20% minus 1.

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NASA is looking for participants in a test study to help them find out how the human body reacts to 70 days in a bed rest position. The first questions from most potential men volunteers – “Do we get our own remotes, and how many channels?”

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Trent Richardson says he’s excited to join the Colts. A much more positive response than “Thank Gawd I am out of Cleveland.”

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From T.C.   “As each week passes, we get closer to the day when Johnny Manziel signs his autograph for real money. Too bad it will be on a contract with the Jaguars or Browns.”

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Just thinking, if women with PMS or menopause symptoms regularly picked up weapons and went after strangers, we might be having a very different discussion on gun control.

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John McCain wrote a scathing retort to Vladimir Putin for the Russian newspaper Pravda’s online English website. Wonder if the credits underneath said something like “This is from U.S. Senator John McCain. The man who wanted his vice-president to be Sarah Palin.”

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Only three things have kept 2013 #SFGiants from being a playoff contender – June, July and August.

 

My son Carey adds, only three things have kept the Houston Astros from being a playoff contender – Spring, Summer and Fall.

 

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So Thursday was #TalkLikeAPirateDay. But what does a Wall Street banker sound like?

 

 

Trent Richardson says he’s excited to join the Colts. A much more positive response than “Thank Gawd I am out of Cleveland.”

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Former House Majority Leader Tom Delay, who has been free on bail, got his 2010 conviction for money laundering was overturned today. Give Illinois some credit – at least they jail their politicians who are crooks.

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Yo, Bud Selig, for teams that don’t make the playoffs, late September should be about playing spoiler. But the SF Giants trying to spoil it for the…. NY Yankees?

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Ah, that bridge to the 19th century: Ron Paul, talking about how he hopes to have 20% of children home schooled.  And for women “These are the problems I’m trying to correct . Because they have to be in the workforce and they have to work and not take care of kids….”

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And the winner is….

June 5, 2013

The big Powerball winner turns out to be an 84 year old Florida woman. Lottery secretary Cynthia O’Connell said she took the smaller one-time amount and turned down the 30-year payout. Ya think?

 

 

The 84 year old woman who won the $590 million Powerball said she’s thankful to the person who let her cut in front of them in line to buy a Quick Pick ticket. Chivalry may not have been dead but this just killed it.

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One more thought about the winner of the Powerball lottery. She waited two weeks to come forward. Two weeks at the age of 84? That’s a significant fraction of your life as a multimillionaire.

 

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“The use of steroids and amphetamines amongst today’s players has greatly subsided and is virtually nonexistent… The so-called steroid era is clearly a thing of the past.” Bud Selig, January, 2010. Uh, not exactly.

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Apparently Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch asked A-Rod for financial help this Spring to fight an MLB lawsuit and was turned down. Proving probably once again, if you’re a public figure always pay off your mistresses, posse and pushers.

 

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Not a great PR week for baseball. Now drug agents are apparently investigating a narcotics delivery to the home of Cleveland Indians closer Chris Perez. If true, how stupid. Aren’t you supposed to have your posse take delivery of your drugs?

 

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Turns out the drug allegedly mailed to the suburban home of Cleveland closer Chris Perez was marijuana. Really? If so Perez couldn’t have just waited until the Indians’ road trip this month to Seattle?

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Some cruise lines have cancelled river cruises due to high water on the Danube. And at Carnival Cruise Lines they’re thinking “Bummer for them, but at least this time it’s not us.”

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You’d think Gordon Gee, 69, who is stepping down in July as Pres. of Ohio State after snide remarks about Notre Dame and the SEC, would have learned to keep his mouth shut. You would think wrong. At a press conference to explain his decision, Gee added “I’ve only got a month to ruin the university. I’ve got to get at it.”

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JaMarcus Russell may be getting a tryout with the Chicago Bears. If anyone could make Bears fans long for the halcyon days of Rex Grossman….

 

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Former Sen. John Edwards apparently is going to open a new law firm and specialize in personal injury. Well, if anyone’s now an expert at injuring yourself…

 

I’m sure the young man will have a great career. But the Los Angeles Dodgers are no longer undefeated in the #YasielPuig era.

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Better late than never?   

June 3, 2013

So we have long learned that most NBA teams don’t show up for what they perceive as meaningless regular season games. Did the Miami Heat put the first six games of the Eastern Conference Finals in that category?

 

The Los Angeles Angels just got swept by the Houston Astros. Even Dodgers fans are sympathetic.

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More than 110 MLB players were granted exemptions to use Adderall in 2012. Out of 750. Percentage of U.S. children estimated to have ADHD? Between 3 and 7% Just sayin’

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Someone posted a picture of a so-far-unnamed Taco Bell employee licking a stack of taco shells. Going to be interesting to see what he fills in under that “why did you leave your last job.” section of his next employment application.

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Quote from tonight’s “Bachelorette” about her group date: “I’ve never (before) had to juggle 14 men in my entire life.” Guess this makes her the temporary female equivalent of an NBA player.

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Chris Christie has a tough choice in appointing a Senator to replace Frank Lauterberg, who passed away today. If Christie chooses Cory Booker, he helps a potential future rival, if he chooses a Republican he alienates his mostly Democratic state. The ideal choice, a popular New Jersey resident who won’t run in 2014…. Hey, Snooki is available.

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Another thought about that New Jersey seat. Who can #ChrisChristie pick for New Jersey Senate with bipartisan support? What about #BruceSpringsteen? #TheBossforSenate

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Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins said today in an interview that he doesn’t want to coach anywhere else. “I believe in Memphis. I love Memphis. I don’t have any intention of going anywhere.” Translation, no one’s offered me enough money to change my mind yet.

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Jason #Kidd is retiring from the #NBA. Guess he wants to spend more time with his grandchildren.

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I don’t watch “Game of Thrones,” but I do know that it’s based on a 13 year old book. Judging by the outrage I’m reading about tonight’s episode I’m guessing maybe folks were shocked by the movie ending of “The Great Gatsby” too?

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Okay, this is sick, but inspired by my friends Chris Eisenberg and Andrew Robinson’s posts, how many parents who remember when their children were young would have loved to see a “Red Wedding” episode on “Barney?”

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Dunkin’ Donuts is adding a doughnut breakfast sandwich with fried eggs and bacon to their national menu this Friday. Maybe it’s all part of a “Keep Social Security Solvent” plan. The more Americans eat the sandwich, the less of them will live long enough to collect Social Security.

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Newest game played at #Zynga?

“Words on Resumes With Friends”?

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No one has come forward to claim the $590 million Powerball prize won two weeks ago in Florida. Which means someone could be still trying to get their future life organized, or maybe the winner is a senior who already forgot that he or she played.

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Republican congresswoman Marsha Blackburn says that women don’t want guaranteed equal pay laws. “They want to be able to have the power and the control and the ability to make those decisions for themselves.” Uh, right, what about when the decision is “take it or leave it?”

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Dogging it?

May 19, 2013

Ken Rosenthal thinks that Don Mattingly soon to be fired as #Dodgers manager. Wouldn’t it be worse punishment to make him stay whole season?

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Meanwhile #SFGiants. This road trip might be the worst ever not involving the Donner Party.

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If misery loves company, then at least relations betweens SF Giants and Los Angeles Dodgers fans may never be better.

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SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said this has been the worst week he can remember “Wanna trade?” asked President Obama?

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Meanwhile MLB umpires are thinking next week can’t get any worse… From Marc Ragovin:   “I’m not saying that MLB umpire Fielding Culbreath — who was suspended for allowing an illegal pitching change — is unfamiliar with the game’s rules, but he was heard singing the other day “cause it’s one, two, three strikes take your base at the old ball game.”

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A Florida Lottery executive told the AP. “We’re delighted right now that we have the sole winner,” and added that Florida has had more Powerball winners than any other state. Uh, except that as far as bragging, this is kind of the opposite of winning the state IQ test.

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Star Trek: Into Darkness” had a $70.6 million opening weekend in the U.S.- slightly disappointing to Paramount executives who had expected more. On the other hand, $70.6 million is pretty impressive considering how many theater-goers went without a date.

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A SNL skit last night paid homage to “The Graduate” as Seth Meyers broke up Stefon’s wedding. Reading this, a number of younger Americans no doubt are thinking “What’s ‘The Graduate?'” A number of older Americans are thinking “Who’s Stefon?”

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Now that gay marriage is legal in France, how long until the next trend is winking at married gay couples having affairs?

A man is in critical condition after falling from a roof during a San Francisco Bay to Breakers party Sunday. Which is sad, but did the media even need to add that police suspected alcohol “may have been involved?”

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That story about the 21 year old student on Long Island, NY  who was taken hostage and then accidentally killed by a police bullet is awful. But once again, I wonder, if even a trained professional can make such a mistake in the heat of battle, why do so many think more armed amateurs will make us safer?

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Power (ball) failure?

May 18, 2013

Apparently if we really want to get voter turnout up in the US, all we need to do is offer voters a free #Powerball ticket.

 

But there was a Powerball winner tonight,  as the odds indicated this time because  most combinations were picked. And if most Americans understood the math of why that is unusual, they wouldn’t be playing in the first place.

 

(although as Michael Schilby points out..  A ticket is “cheaper than going to a Cubs game, and, if you’re a Cubs fan, more rewarding.”

 

One positive thing about Powerball, at least it’s made sure most Americans have learned to count to 59.

 

Was only six numbers off tonight’s #Powerball jackpot, and I didn’t even play.

 

So with about a month to go in the NBA finals, we’ve got teams from the major media markets left of San Antonio, Indianapolis, Memphis and Miami. The winner? Might be Major League Baseball.

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#Oxbow won the #Preakness. Meaning the Belmont Stakes will now be about as much of a TV ratings success as the rest of #NBC’s lineup.

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Not saying Oxbow’s jockey Gary Stevens is old, but rumor has it he had to rush to the track for the 6:18pm post time after finishing his Early Bird special dinner.

 

(Alex Kaseberg adds, that Stevens is so old,  “he left Oxbow’s right turn signal on the whole race.”)

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Wow, never thought I’d type this: If the 2013 SF Giants could pitch and catch, they’d be dangerous.

 

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In 2013, Notre Dame can qualify for a BCS bowl if they win 9 games and finish in the top 14 of the final BCS poll. But due to current contracts, if they win, say, 6-7 games the Fighting Irish, while bowl-eligible, might have to stay home. Oh the horror.

 

No one was injured when a US Airways Express flight had landing gear problems and ended up making a belly landing at Newark Airport airport last night. But standby for a “wheel maintenance fee.”

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So will the main accomplishment of the Houston Astros moving leagues be keeping the LA Angels out of last place in the AL West?

 

Wouldn’t it be nice if Americans and the media got as up in arms about coming up with a fair and reasonable tax system as they did over whether some political groups were too closely scrutinized over what would be at best a questionable tax-exempt status?

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Long odds.

May 17, 2013

The odds of winning the week’s $600 million Powerball the jackpot are 1 in 175,223,510. Well, at least that’s slightly better than the Cubs winning the World Series.

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5.1 earthquake in Ontario, Canada today. What triggered it? Monday’s unprecedented avalanche of falling Maple Leafs?

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A new cellphone video appears to show Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine. Wow.And just a few days ago Torontonians thought the most embarrassing thing that could happen to their city was the Maple Leafs.

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New York Jets RB Mike Goodson was arrested this morning on drug possession and weapon charges. Good news for everyone who had May 17 in the “When does the post Tebow circus really start?” pool.

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9 errors in 4 games. If this keeps up the #SFGiants are going to have to add asterisks when they sell those “game-used gloves.”

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Seattle DE Bruce Irvin became the third Seahawk to be suspended in six months for PEDs. At this point the team is racking up so many rules violations Pete Carroll must think he’s back at USC.

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But come on. Seahawks DE Bruce Irvin was suspended FOUR  games for PEDs.  Only 1/4 of the regular season. Even Bud Selig thinks the NFL drug policy is lame.

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Beyonce has announced she is pregnant with her 2nd child. No announced due date but since she’s not really showing it appears she and Jay-Z will have several months to come up with a name weirder than “Blue Ivy.”

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Open note to other California drivers:   If your SUV or minivan is big enough to fit an entire Little League team, it’s probably a tad too big for a “compacts only” parking place.

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Pat Robertson is taking some heat for his comments on infidelity:   “Males have a tendency to wander a bit, and what you want to do is make the home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.” What’s Pat’s defense, that he was going to follow Sanford and Weiner in attempting another run for office?

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Congrats to Vince Young. Who today is getting his degree from the University of Texas. And all across the SEC football players are asking “What’s a degree?”

Weird travel note.  No joke.   You know it’s a bad weekend to find hotel rooms in San Francisco when United Airlines has an internal message on delayed flights “DO NOT SEND ANY MISCONNECTS…NO HOTEL SPACE IN SFO.”

Glenn Beck is now claiming that the Obama administration concocted the AP and IRS scandals to take the focus of Benghazi. Leaving the bat-shit crazy element out of this, amazing that some conservatives think the only thing Obama can accomplish is a conspiracy.

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