Posted tagged ‘Atlanta jokes’

Show some respect, eh?

May 8, 2016

It takes some work to make Canadians angry. But Dwyane Wade managed to do it, by taking warm up shots during the Canadian national anthem. On the other hand, the Raptors, who sometimes seem to have trouble getting fired up, won the game. So maybe Wade should keep up the “Oh Canada” shooting.

 

Major league teams are selling today’s Mother’s Day equipment and uniforms to raise money for breast cancer research. Although the SFGiants. who lost 2-0, and were 0-6 with runners in scoring position,  won’t be able to market them as actual “game-used” bats.

An unknown person in New Jersey has won the $429 million Powerball lottery. His or her first act with the winnings will no doubt be to move out of New Jersey.

Americans apparently spend over $21 billion on Mother’s Day. Wow. To be fair, at least $1 billion of that must be spent by players in the NBA.

 

#‎Hawks‬ have now joined the ‪#‎Braves‬ in making ‪#‎Atlanta‬ fans really look forward to the ‪#‎Falcons‬.

The Yankees are in last place and worse, ticket sales are way down. Not sure what the team will do. Maybe they can sign Kobe Bryant for a one year contract so he can sit the bench and do a baseball version of his farewell tour?

Ted Cruz apparently feels now that he could have stopped Donald Trump, if Marco Rubio had only agreed to become his running mate in March. Got news for Ted, the bottom half of the ticket wasn’t why Americans “Just Said No” to him.

Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she’d be willing to be Donald Trump’s running mate. Waiting for Hillary Clinton to second that choice in female solidarity.

 

Sarah Palin on Paul Ryan “His political career is over.” Well, ‪#‎takesonetoknowone‬

 

 

Mississippi State has confirmed that a student died when he fell off of the football stadium Jumbotron at 1:30am Saturday morning. Sad, but just guessing alcohol gets an assist on this Darwin award.

To save money, Dropbox is apparently cutting back on some of its perks. The company is pushing free dinner from 6pm to 7pm, and limiting guests to five a month. ‪#‎Getouttheviolins‬

 

David Maloney is an  Alabama attorney who has run commercials talking about how he turns out down drunk drivers as clients. ” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you drink and you drive and you hurt someone, don’t call me. I’m not going to represent you, I’m not going to help you. If anything, I’m going to be the lawyer going after you.”

Maloney was arrested this weekend in Florida. For alleged DUI.  Well, guess he won’t be one of those fools who has himself for a client.  #meanbitchkarmahasacousinhubris

 

 

Silver lining in Boston and Atlanta.

September 29, 2011

But first, want to wish all my Jewish friends “Happy New Year.” And want to wish my Red Sox and Braves fan friends “Happy Next Year.”

Back to the silver lining – fans don’t have to stress about the Red Sox and Braves stumbling in the postseason again.

And in Boston, at least the Patriots can rest easy. Their blowing a 21-0 lead in the fourth quarter last Sunday will now never be the most talked about sports collapse in town.


Forget Eva, in Tampa Wednesday night heterosexual men would kiss EVAN Longoria

Karma, especially where the big bucks are concerned, can be an impressive bitch. To that end, wonder if Carl Crawford is thinking “Maybe I should have considered that offer to stay with the Rays?”

An Atlanta player who was queried about the Braves’ September collapse (9-19 and five losses in a row to end the season), mentioned their strong start, and said he wished the team could have just “flip-flopped the months.” Uh, I know a math degree is not required to play baseball, but if Atlanta did “flip-flop the months”, they’d have still ended up one game short.


The Braves lost five in a row to end the season. Was this the worst week in Atlanta history not involving Sherman?

After a momumental choke job by the Braves, the St. Louis Cardinals won the NL wild card. For SF fans, who now know that even a mediocre performance in August, or a good performance in September would have put the Giants into the playoffs, it just confirms “of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, it might have been.”

Sarah Palin referred to Herman Cain as “the flavor of the week.” Then she referred to him as “Herb Cain.” What’s next, she’s going to claim he’s really a San Franciscan?

Jose Reyes got a bunt hit in his first at-bat at Citi Field to raise his average to .337, and was promptly pulled by Mets manager Terry Collins (apparently at Reyes’ own request) to preserve his lead for the batting crown. Ted Williams must be spinning in his freezer.


But really, a bunt hit in a meaningless game against the Reds, and then taking the afternoon off? Shouldn’t this year’s highest batting average also have an asterisk?

Redemption for hopeless optimists. Think of the tens of thousands of Rays fans who walked out of Tropicana Field tonight in disgust when their team was down 7-0.


A seven run comeback starting in the eighth? Angry Red Sox fans want John Sayles to consider making a second movie about the Yankees collapse tonight – titled “Eight relief pitchers out.”

Florida owner Jeffrey Loria introduced new manager Ozzie Guillen today and saying “Welcome to a new era in Marlins baseball.” Actually, since it’s Ozzie, wouldn’t it have been more appropriate if Loria said “Welcome to a new #%$!#ing era in Marlins baseball?”


ESPN was nonstop coverage Wednesday of the Boston collapse and Tampa Bay win over New York. Almost no mention of the dramatic finish for the NL Wild Card. Gosh, you’d almost think there were no other teams in baseball except the Red Sox and Yankees.

Michael Vick says it is “100 percent” that he’ll play this weekend against the SF 49ers. Well, at this point guess Vick doesn’t want to be accused of dogging it.


David Stern is now threatening to cancel the whole NBA regular season. Promise? (And really, does that mean all the teams can just start by being in the playoffs? Most of them get in now anyway.)

Florida now plans to move their presidential primary on January 31, 2012, which is upsetting GOP party leaders as it will wreak havok with their nominating calendar. Well, at least it’s a nice change to see Florida causing trouble for Republicans.