Posted tagged ‘Red Sox jokes’
May 2, 2017
Greg Hardy says he’s “not a f*cking psychopath.” Right, and he doesn’t have anger issues either.
–
Raiders top draft pick Gareon Conley’s first said “nothing happened” the night he was accused of rape. Now TMZ reports he said, he said he received “brief oral sex” from his accuser.
So oral sex is nothing. Does this guy want to be an NFL player or run for President?
–
Real simple solution for #RedSox: Get name, address of anyone behaving like fans did w/ #AdamJones & ban them from buying tickets to Fenway.
–
But really Red Sox fans, Boston at this point should be better than this. Racial taunts are never appropriate. And really obnoxious taunts should be saved for the Yankees.
–
So Joe Mixon has an NFL job and Colin Kaepernick doesn’t. Controversy is clearly a distant 2nd in the league to perceived talent.
–
Stephen Curry’s was asked what he’s going to do on the Warriors’ day off in Salt Lake City – “I won’t be riding a dirt bike.”
Too soon? Mean bitch karma might tell Steph to be careful walking down hotel steps. #pagingJeremyAffeldt
–
SF Giants pitcher Matt Moore got staked to a 4-0 lead in the top of the 2nd inning against the Dodgers, and then, after a 7 pitch 1st, promptly gave back 6 runs in the bottom of the inning. Not much silver lining but maybe a bit of solace for Giants fans who have wondered “if only Bochy had let Moore go one more inning in the 2016 NLDS game 4 against the Cubs.”
–
Alabama’s Nick Saban will be paid $11.125 million this season. But heaven forbid someone buy one of his college football players dinner.
–
American Airlines is reducing legroom on some of their flights within the US from 31 to 29 inches. Wonder if they will allow you to put your knees in checked baggage free of charge.
–
Biggest mistake made with the #fyrefestival? Not hiring Sean Spicer to tell the world how great it was.
Understand Hillary still being focused on losing close election maybe she should have won. Can’t understand Trump’s obsession. #sorewinner
–
Wonder how much we’d need to raise on a #GoFundMe page to get @realDonaldTrump to go back to that previous life he loved so much?
“Compassionate conservatism?” GOP Rep. Pittenger on Trumpcare pre-existing conditions. “People can go to state that they want to live in,”
–
Alabama Rep. Mo Brooks on CNN. “My understanding is that (the new Trumpcare) will allow insurance companies to require people who have higher health care costs to contribute more to the insurance pool. That helps offset all these costs, thereby reducing the cost to those people who lead good lives, they’re healthy, they’ve done the things to keep their bodies healthy. And right now, those are the people — who’ve done things the right way — that are seeing their costs skyrocketing.”
Right, because cancer only happens to people who have led bad lives? #WTF?
–
Trump tweets – “change rules now to 51%. Country needs a good “shutdown” in Sept. to fix mess!” But imagine what Obama could have done without filibuster
–
Austin police say the a man was “suffering from mental health issues” when he allegedly killed a student and injured three others with a hunting knife. He just had a hunting knife? Maybe the guy didn’t know the GOP had overturned an Obama rule in order to defend his 2nd amendment rights.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: obamacare jokes, Raiders jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
June 8, 2016
Today Californians went to the polls. And readers who don’t like my political stuff might want to skip down several items, or until the next post.
And for those of us who live in the state, all those annoying primary election ads will finally be over with. The general election ads start tomorrow.
You can call #HillaryClinton a lot of things. But especially given the alternative, people need to get used to the idea of calling her #MadamPresident.
–
Absolutely amazing, my California Assembly district 24 is in the middle of Silicon Valley, has been home to Hewlett, Packard, Jobs, Ellison, Zuckerberg etc. And it’s MIDNIGHT election night and we still don’t have more than 71% of the vote counted. Ah technology….
–
No network yet calling #CaliforniaPrimary for #Hillary or #Bernie, at 1230a June 8. Maybe they’ll go out on a limb before #Dem convention.
–
Would support #Obama for 3rd term if there weren’t an amendment, but time for #Sanders to do as #Hillary did in 2008 #begracious #getonboard
–
Really? Now today’s anti-Hillary social media rant is that she was wearing an expensive Armani jacket during a speech on inequality. And if she just wore mass-market clothes she’d be accused of being dowdy and not supporting retailers.
–
Donald Trump said tonight he will deliver a “major speech” on the Clintons next week. Like Trump’s “major announcement” in 2012 on Obama’s birth certificate?
–
Trump says now his comments about judges were “misconstrued.” Is that the Donald’s way of saying “Oops, even I might have gone too far this time?”
–
Lindsey Graham is urging Republicans to rescind their endorsements of Donald Trump after the Donald’s racist comments about judges. Nice start, Senator Graham. Now how about going the next step – as in “We can survive four years of Hillary Clinton, we may not survive four years of Donald Trump.” #justsaynotoTrump
–
Albert Suarez has had two starts in the major leagues. Both for the SF Giants. Both times he left with a lead. The first save was blown by Santiago Casilla, tonight’s game was lost in the 10th by Casilla. Maybe the next time Bochy has to get Suarez out of a game, he can promise to keep Casilla out too?
–
Madison Bumgarner said in an interview that he isn’t much for souvenir baseballs, but he wishes he had the one he threw to Perez for the last pitch in the 2014 World Series. The ball was popped up for a foul out and was last seen in the possession of Pablo Sandoval. Let’s hope Panda didn’t eat it.
–
Someone hacked #NFL twitter feed to announce falsely that #RogerGoodell had died. Out of habit, Goodell will be punishing the #Saints.
–
In Missouri, a 15 year old boy apparently accidentally shot himself taking a selfie. Sad, because he was just a kid. But definitely a Darwin award junior division. #Ifonlyhewasarmed. Oh, wait, never mind.
–
United Airlines has a new program called “Celebrate by United” where you can order something Duty-Free and have it delivered to a friend or colleague on-board an international flight. Flight attendants must be so thrilled. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
–
Amazing sidebar to the #BrockTurnerRapist story. He has a sister. Just wondering if father #DanTurner would be so sympathetic to a young man if she had been raped in college. #20minutesofaction
–
Plenty of good guys at Stanford too: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/hero-grad-student-describes-catching-stanford-rapist-article-1.2664718
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bernie jokes, California jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 10, 2015
You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up. Now Michigan State Rep. Todd Courser, who allegedly tried to cover up an affair by sending a fake email accusing himself of paying a male prostitute, is saying he will not resign. Courser says he will stay on to expose “political shenanigans” in the Capitol, that he only sent the email because he was being blackmailed, and that the Lansing “mafia” establishment is out to get him.
This guy is delusional enough you have to wonder if his next step is to declare for the 2016 GOP Presidential nomination.
–
A man who was arrested 2 weeks ago for joy-riding on a jail lawn was arrested again today, for doing the same thing, on the same lawn. Do I even have to write that this is a Florida story? #cantfixstupid
–
Meanwhile, a reporter asked Andrew Luck who his fastest teammate was, and the Colts QB responded “That’s like asking a parent who their favorite kid is.” These Stanford kids aren’t stupid.
–
Leaving aside issues like actually running the country, anyone but me think you could make serious pay-per-view money on a Bernie Sanders-Donald Trump debate?
–
The younger generation may not understand all the tributes pouring in for Frank Gifford, who started with Howard Cosell and Don Meredith on Monday Night Football in 1971. Mostly because these days it’s hard to imagine only one night a week for NFL football.
–
Yellowstone rangers have captured a bear that allegedly killed a hiker Friday. They will do DNA tests, and if they get positive identification, “she will be euthanized because of the facts that she was feeding on the person.”
Makes some sense as a predatory bear is dangerous, but, hey, unlike some human hunters at least she was actually eating what she killed.
–
The Red Sox have announced that closer Koji Uehara has fractured his wrist and will miss the rest of the season. Well, not like Boston was giving him many games to close anyway.
–
Okay, Donald Trump is an ass, and insults women. Got it. Meanwhile other GOP candidates, yes, I am talking about you Scott Walker and Marco Rubio, won’t even declare they would allow abortions to save the life of the mother. #priorities?
–
Oops, Disney Japan attempted to send out a “Merry Unbirthday” tweet from Alice in Wonderland, and managed to translate it as “Congratulations on your not special day.” This on the anniversary of the atom bomb being dropped on Nagasaki.
Sounds like a Mickey Mouse translating operation.
#Cantfixstupid, California division.
The SF Chronicle reported San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi’s driver’s license has been suspended since February after he didn’t notify the DMV about a non-injury car accident he was involved in last October. And the newspaper says as of today, he “Mirkarami still had neither filed the required accident report nor provided proof of insurance as required under law, state records show. He had also not paid the $55 fee to regain his full driving privileges, the records show.”
And why should he know the laws? He’s only the sheriff.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Bernie Sanders jokes, Frank Gifford jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Red Sox jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 6, 2015
For television viewers, Wednesday night on NBC was “America’s Got Talent.” Thursday night the debate on Fox was the rebuttal.
The Fox News GOP debate was at Quicken Loans Arena, home of the Cleveland Cavaliers. And much of it was as painful to watch as Lebron’s “The Decision.”
–
To be fair, Donald Trump says he wanted the GOP debate tonight to be on a “high level.” As in you needed to be high to watch it?
–
Carly Fiorina, at the “kid’s table” debate. “. “[T]he potential of this nation and too many Americans is being crushed by the weight, the power, the cost, the complexity, the ineptitude, the corruption of the federal government.” And if elected I promise to do for America what I did for Hewlett Packard…. Oh wait, never mind.
–
A few of the exchanges between, for example, Chris Christie and Rand #Paul made me almost sorry that this #GOPDebate was probably a gun-free zone.
–
Wonder how many GOP voters watched the debate and were wishing they could vote for #MegynKelly.
–
#Trump invokes #RonaldReagan. Is #Reagan rolling over in grave or laughing becuz he knows he was much less conservative than his disciples
–
Scott Walker talking about unborn children needing to be protected. And of course the Wisconsin governor has fought his own party over cutting $238,000 million for child advocacy centers. Oh wait, the GOP over-ruled him, they REINSTATED money Walker wanted to cut. #nevermind
Mike Huckabee “The purpose of the military is kill people and break things.” Somewhere Teddy Roosevelt IS rolling over in his grave. #speaksoftlykillpeopleandbreakthings? #GOPDebate
–
Boston mayor Martin J. Walsh wants to ban chewing tobacco from all ballparks in the city, amateur and professional. Well, with this year’s Red Sox team Walsh doesn’t need to add that “professional” part.
–
Two men were arrested at an Iowa Taco Bell and charged with allegedly manufacturing methamphetamine in the restaurant. Stand by for the AMC sequel “Breaking Wind.”
–
President Obama today warned it’s either the Iran deal, or “some sort of war.” And many Republicans responded “You say ‘war” like it’s a bad thing.”
–
Arby’s ran ads on the penultimate “Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” despite all the knocks the comedian has given them over the years. Well, makes a certain about of sense, with Stewart everyone knew Arby’s was still in business.
–
A Regent Seven Seas 128 day around-the-world cruise, costing more than $100,000 a couple, had 70% percent of the cabins booked on the first day of sales. The company president stated this was a testament to their belief that “guests … want unique, different, and rich destination experiences.” Well, “rich” for sure.
–
Now it’s come out that Russians apparently hacked some Pentagon emails. Hillary Clinton might be looking smarter and smarter with that private server.
–
No lyin -Great thought from Paul Chessin, brother of my FB friend Steve: “So, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service wants to talk to Dr. Walter Palmer but can’t find him because he’s “hiding”? Maybe they should get a trophy game animal, put it in a car, and, you know, lure him out.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, debate jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP debate jokes, GOPdebate jokes, janicehough, Red Sox jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 2, 2015
San Francisco has put a substance on some walls that not only is urine-resistant, it shoots the liquid right back where it came from. Shame there isn’t some equivalent substance that would work on arrows with lions.
–
Mixed stories today, though possible good news in the end? Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. But Jericho the lion may still be alive.
–
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has been indicted on multiple felony charges, following upon Gov. Rick Perry’s own indictment in 2014. If this keeps up, Illinois and Louisiana are going to be jealous.
Do I get points for gender equality if I am equally indifferent to MMA even if a woman like Ronda Rousey is involved?
–
Boston Red Sox president and Larry Lucchino, whose contract was going to expire at the end of the year, is leaving the team. And season ticket holders are thinking “no fair, how come he gets to leave and we don’t?”
–
Great that the Royals and Astros have been playing well enough to be buyers at the trade deadline. And not like most Americans knew any names on the teams anyway.
–
Business Insider is reporting that Donald Trump has fired a senior adviser who published “many racist and otherwise offensive Facebook posts” So did the Donald fire the guy because he thought the posts were wrong, or because Trump didn’t like the competition.
–
SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy used Angel Pagan as the DH and wouldn’t let Madison Bumgarner hit Friday night in Texas. Maybe that’s why Madbum had an off-night?
Meanwhile, on Saturday night, Giants pulled out a 9-7 win and made perhaps a few teams happy they didn’t give away the store to trade for Cole Hamels.
–
In Ontario, Canada Saturday there was a “Bare With Us” rally about women’s right to go topless. And in the U.S. millions of men who might not be in favor of universal healthcare or gun control are thinking, maybe those Canadians are onto something.
–
So, okay, I get the need for some hunting to “cull the herds” and I get eating what you kill, even I want no part of it personally.
But when these folks brag about their great kills – uh, let’s see, you have a gun, the animals have nothing. Not exactly a fair fight. #compensation?
–
From Marc Ragovin “I beg your pardon. Did you just say Lynn Anderson died? (just another reason why I am going straight to hell)”
Well, you got to figure her funeral will be enough roses for a serious garden.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, jericho, lion jokes, Red Sox jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 28, 2015
So why would an intelligent man destroy a cell phone when it absolutely would make him look guilty? If the messages destroyed would make him look worse. #TomBrady
–
But really, don’t we all want to destroy our phones when we get a new one? Because it’s so much fun re entering all those apps, contact information, bookmarks…
–
The “Bachelorette” is finally over. But after weeks of guilty fun watching a couple dozen crazy contestants whittled down to a winner, for a relationship not even based in reality, well, Americans still have the GOP primary.
–
Donald Trump is now saying he’d “love” to have Sarah Palin have some sort of position in his administration. That’s bold. Trump isn’t afraid Palin would take a shot at that furry thing that lives on his head?”
–
LaTroy Hawkins, 42, has been sent to Toronto along with Troy Tulowitzki. Bit of a waste. Hawkins gets to Canada and universal healthcare just before he becomes eligible for Medicare.
–
So Drew Storen has a 1.73 ERA and 29 saves out of 31 chances. And the Washington Nationals decide to bolster their playoff chances by adding… a temperamental closer (Papelbon). Same brilliant logic that had the team shut down Strasburg a few years back.
–
The Mets’ Jenrry Mejia, is now suspended 162 games for his 2nd failed PED test. Once you might think you’re invulnerable. The second time? Proves again that MLB drug testing is also an IQ test. #cantfixstupid
Boston claimed Jean Machi off waivers Tuesday. Are the Red Sox trying to bolster their struggling bullpen? Or just to pick up a former Giant with experience reducing the amount of food available to Pablo Sandoval at the training table?
–
So the hunter who illegally shot Cecil, Zimbabwe’s most famous, and protected. lion, is an American dentist who was put on probation in 2008 for lying about the location where he shot and killed a bear, and who regularly travels the world to shoot big cats, elk, bears, rhinos etc, with a bow and arrow instead of a gun. Why stop there? A real man would face one of these animals with no weapons at all.
–
Good. The AP reports “According to Zimbabwe police spokeswoman Charity Charamba, (Minnesota dentist) Walter Palmer will face charges of poaching. It is alleged that Palmer worked with the guides to lure Cecil from the national park to an unprotected area by strapping a “dead animal to their vehicle.” #justiceforCecil
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Bachelorette jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 15, 2015
Chris Christie called Hillary Clinton out of touch , asking “How would she know what real Americans are really concerned about? I don’t know. Is it … when she’s out giving paid speeches?” Exactly. Real Americans like Christie know what it is to struggle to stay within a $95,000 a year allowance for food and drink on top of their salaries.
–
Okay, without any spoilers in this post, isn’t “Shocking #GameofThronesFinale” redundant?
Yesterday was the 12th annual “World Naked Bike Ride” in San Francisco. No doubt followed today by the 12th annual “Wash all rental bikes” day in San Francisco.
–
Hillary Clnton said that the 2008 presidential campaign showed a woman can be president. Is that the right reminder for her to be using? Because the 2008 campaign also showed that picking someone for the ticket just because she was a woman can help the other side win an election.
–
Beginning to think this man does not want to leave New Jersey. Chris Christie today, when asked about Iraq, “we’ve got to put together a ‘coalition of the willing’, which has been used before … ” Yes, and that worked out so well. #GeorgeWBush #DontforgetPoland
–
Boston Red Sox manager John Farrell to fans. “I wouldn’t write this team off.”. So is Farrell telling us he can’t write?
–
Four people are recovering after a man accidentally fired a gun during a wedding celebration at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City. The bullet grazed a woman’s head and injured 3 others with debris. Your move, Florida
The NY D.A. says the case against the man whose gun went off at a Waldorf Astoria wedding has been deferred, while they decide whether or not to charge him. His lawyer says “There was no recklessness in this case.” Because, hey, doesn’t everyone need to be armed at weddings in five-star hotels?
–
Maybe the guy just had a think for “Red Wedding?”
–
The joys of outsourcing. United Airlines uses low-paid contract workers instead of employees in many airports. One flight delay from one of those airports, Louisville, leads to several incompetent steps. End result, not getting on two wide-open alternative flights home, in part because “checked bags must travel with passengers.” And then arriving at 200a to find that the person, probably making about $12 an hour, who insisted on keeping us with luggage did the new tags WRONG, so bags went on THREE different flights without us and arrived 18 hours later….
–
Some may have been surprised that the big Walmart fight that went viral was between two women. Well, it WAS in the shampoo aisle. A place most men do not venture.
(and some men are asking “there’s a shampoo aisle?”)
From T.C. “MMA, UFC & WWE are all currently bidding for rights to use Walmart shampoo aisles as future venues for Pay for View events.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, Game of Thrones jokes, Hillary Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, Red Sox jokes, Walmart jokes, wedding shooting jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 11, 2015
Eight errors for New York so far in five games. Time to refer to them as the YankEEEEEs?
–
So the Red Sox and Yankees, after 19 innings Friday night, had the early game Saturday night for national television. Wonder how many people on the the East Coast went to bed, woke up and thought “My gawd, they’re STILL playing.”
–
That 19 innings for the Red Sox and Yankees Friday lasted seven hours and five minutes, including a 16 minute power outage delay. And somewhere George Steinbrenner is thinking “Seven hours? Why I hired and fired Billy Martin fast than that.”
The NY Yankees are trying to void $6 million contract bonuses for A-Rod for each person he passes on the all-time home run list, saying they are no longer “milestones”, and they are prepared to go to arbitration over it. This could end up better than “The War of the Roses.”
–
Forget about hearts in San Francisco. The 2015 Giants appear to have left their bats in Arizona.
So the Atlanta Braves put a punctuation mark on their rebuilding year by trading All-Star closer Craig Kimbrel before the season even started. And they are now, 5-0?! #Itsafunnygame
–
Okay, so #Madbum is 1-1 with a 5.40 ERA. #Kershaw is 0-1 with a 5.84 ERA. #Giants #Dodgers #Miserylovescompany
–
Providence beats BU 4-3 in the #FrozenFour final. But who but me hears “Frozen Four” and thinks of the last #SFGiants fans left during most late weeknight games at Candlestick.
And wonder how many parents hear “Frozen Four” and think ‘Dear Gawd, not MORE sequels.”
–
Tiger Woods may or may not ever get back to the top of the golf world, and he may still have the biggest galleries. But Woods will never be as beloved as Phil Mickelson.
–
Tiger Woods teaching his children not to swear would be kind of like Madonna trying to teach her children to dress appropriately.
–
The Yankees are now 1-4. Of course, it’s early times, but how long until New Yorkers start looking forward to the Jets season?
–
Why should the Yankees get all the headlines? – MLB announced that Mets closer Jenrry Mejia has been suspended 80 games after testing positive for stanozolol.
–
Mets closer Mejia “I know the rules are the rules and I will accept my punishment, but I can honestly say I have no idea how a banned substance ended up in my system.” Got to be tempting for MLB to offer a 50% reduction in suspension to the first guy who says “I admit it, I blew it, they caught me.”
From Marc Ragovin – “Reuben Flores of the NY Mets is the very definition of a shortstop. He stops the ball and all of his throws come up short.:
–
From Gary Bachman; “There’s a campaign to put a woman on the twenty dollar bill. And ‘In God We Trust’ will be replaced by “You Go Girl.'”
–
For those at FOX who want to get a jump on head explosions in advance of Hillary’s announcement tomorrow: “In my opinion, President Obama is an honest man.” Raul Castro.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Frozen Four jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Masters jokes, Mejia jokes, Mets jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 6, 2015
On Opening Day at Yankee Stadium, A-Rod apparently got the loudest ovation of any player when he was introduced. Figures, most comics work nights and had the day off.
–
The NY Times reported today that Jeb Bush listed himself as Hispanic on his 2009 voter registration form. So where is Donald Trump’s call for Jeb’s birth certificate?
–
Anyone but me think Mike Krzyzewski must have a really scary looking portrait in an attic somewhere? #NationalChampionship #Duke
Two controversial calls down the stretch that both went the Blue Devils’ way should do wonders for Duke continuing to be universally loved across the country.
–
Bo Ryan, 67, would have become the oldest coach in NCAA tournament history to win his first national championship if Wisconsin won tonight. 67?! Makes Ryan about the average age of the San Antonio Spurs.
–
The Los Angeles Dodgers won 6-3 today, but Clayton Kershaw gave up 3 runs in 6 innings. That’s it, he’s clearly over the hill.
–
Pedroia and Ramirez on space for 324 home runs each. Pablo Sandoval on pace for 486 strikeouts. #OpeningDay #Redsox #SFGiants
–
So much for all those who thought Kentucky could beat an NBA team. Of course, they still might be able to beat the Lakers.
–
The Cubs went 0-13 with runners in scoring position and lost 3-0 on “opening night.” So how many of the Wrigley faithful are breaking out new “Wait until next year” t-shirts?
–
From my friend Scott Russell. “It is apropos that the Red Sox play Boston College in their exhibition opener and the Philadelphia Phillies on opening day.” Scott does not say whether he believes Boston College or the Phillies to have been tougher competition.
–
In most of Europe, Easter Monday is still a holiday. So why did we in the US fight for independence again?
–
The playoffs may be different, but for Sunday night, age and treachery still overcome youth and skill. #Spurs #Warriors
–
In Albuquerque, New Mexico, a father allegedly decided he was too drunk to drive, and got his 13-year-old son to take him on a beer run. Then dad got into an argument in the store and fired his gun eight times. (fortunately hitting no one.) He was arrested by cops who were conducting a DWI checkpoint across the street. Your move, Florida.
–
So in Missouri, a GOP lawmaker has proposed that a bill that would ban food stamps for being used to buy “cookies, chips, energy drinks, soft drinks, seafood or steak.” Yeah, because you’d hate to have them waste money on tunafish? #dotheythinkbeforetheycomeupwiththeselaws?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: coach k jokes, Duke jokes, Janice Hough, Jeb jokes, one and done jokes, Opening day jokes, Red Sox jokes, Wisconsin jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 25, 2015
The Cleveland Browns have announced a new tweaked helmet with a brighter orange color, and will unveil a new uniform this spring. Unfortunately for Browns fans, the uniforms will still have the same players in them.
–
Hank Aaron says he is rooting for A-Rod to have a “great year.” Well, getting paid $22 million for sitting in the dugout sounds like a pretty great year to most people.
–
The “Dancing with the Stars” list for this season is out. Increasingly watching the show is like watching actual stars in the sky. Most of us can’t name any of them either..
–
Idaho State Rep. Vito Barbieri asked in a committee hearing if, before an abortion, women could swallow a small camera so that doctors could conduct a gynecological exam remotely. So all doctors should now know never to prescribe Barbieri a suppository. Because this man couldn’t find where to put it with two hands and a hunting dog.
–
David Ortiz, on his first day of Spring Training “Thank God my belly hasn’t grown like Panda.” Is it too soon to start the “Inflategate” jokes?
–
Nebraska men’s basketball coach Tim Miles got so upset about his team’s performance that he locked the players out of their own locker room. Hmm, in drought-stricken California this could be a great way to save on water for the Lakers.
–
Baltimore GM Ozzie Newsome said the Ray Rice scandal will affect this year’s draft: “Someone who has domestic abuse in their background, it’s going to be tough for them to be considered a Raven.” Okay, so before the elevator video someone with domestic abuse in their background would have been an easy choice for the Ravens?
–
Outside the White House today, Bobby Jindal declared that President Obama was “unfit to be commander in chief.” Curiously enough, the last poll taken in Louisiana showed Jindal with a 34% approval rating, basically saying residents think HE’s unfit to be Governor.
–
More Jindal. He gave his little “Obama is unfit to be commander in chief” speech today in Washington, D.C. outside, in 20 degree weather, wearing only a suit. Uh, whatever you say about our President, he’s smart to know when to put a coat on.
–
Deep breaths everyone. Headline in Britain’s Daily Mail “Terror fears over sophisticated mystery tunnel found yards from Toronto stadium that hosts Canada’s biggest sporting events.” And the tunnel is elaborate. But amongst things found inside…. a rosary.
“Islam is a vibrant faith. Millions of our fellow citizens are Muslim. We respect the faith. We honor its traditions. Our enemy does not. Our enemy doesn’t follow the great traditions of Islam. They’ve hijacked a great religion.” George W. Bush, October, 2002. #nocomment
–
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Browns jokes, DWTS stars, Janice Hough, Jindal jokes, Red Sox jokes, spring training jokes, Vito Barbieri
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 20, 2015
So let me get this straight, the same Americans who are so into novelty that they can’t exist without the absolutely newest iPhones are thinking of choosing a new President between Clinton and Bush?
–
A government panel says drinking three to FIVE cups of coffee a day will help prevent heart disease, liver cancer, Parkinson and type 2 diabetes. Of course, there may be a heightened risk of injury from bouncing off of walls.
Jack Nicklaus on Tiger Woods, “I think he’s struggling more between his ears than he is anyplace else.” Oddly enough, Woods seemed to start going downhill when he started focusing more between his ears than between his legs.
–
Rudy Giuliani, not backing down, now says ““You know, President Obama didn’t live through September 11, I did.” Shocking. Mostly shocking that Rudy didn’t somehow use 9-11 in his original “Obama doesn’t love America” statement.
–
More from Giuliani. ““What I don’t find with Obama is a really deep knowledge of history. I think it’s a dilettante’s knowledge of history.” So has anyone asked Rudy what he thinks of, for starters, Oklahoma Republicans trying to ban AP US History classes in schools?
–
Another reason why good manners are important. Karma can be one mean impressive b*tch sometimes. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/…/Commuter-swears-man-way-interv…
—
MLB and the players unions have agreed to changes to speed up the game – enforcement of the rule that players keep one foot in the batter’s box, and stadium clocks for pitching changes and inning breaks. So who knows, maybe this year they can get an average Red Sox-Yankees game down to four hours.
–
Pablo Sandoval dismissed criticism over his weight in a Spanish interview with ESPNDeportes, saying “Let them talk… It will never change me or the player I am.” Actually with this winter in Boston Panda could have just said he was storing up fat for hibernation.
–
A bipartisan group in Congress is working on legislation to require Amtrak to allow small pets (under 20 pounds) on train trips of less than 750 miles. Let’s hope they’re specific. Cats and dogs make sense. But not sure we want “motherf***ing snakes on motherf***ing trains.”
–
No deaths or injuries thankfully from a major fire at a luxury skyscraper in Dubai. But maybe it’s tempting fate a bit much to name a building “The Torch.”
–
Pete Carroll said he’ll miss competing against Jim Harbaugh now that Harbaugh’s returned to the college game. Well a few more calls like the end of the Super Bowl and Pete might be back with Jim.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton Bush jokes, Guiliani jokes, Janice Hough, karma jokes, MLB jokes, Red Sox jokes, Rudy Giuliani jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 25, 2014
A New Hampshire woman was arrested and briefly jailed when she slapped her boyfriend during a fight over a game of Monopoly. Bet she didn’t even get to collect her $200 either.
–
RB Justin Forsett, released in March by the Jaguars and signed in April by the Ravens as a precautionary backup for Ray Rice, tonight ran for 182 yards. Forsett thanked God. Probably would have been tacky to have thanked whoever installed that casino elevator video camera.
–
Monica Lewinsky complains that having an affair with Bill Clinton 19 years ago and the resulting scandal has made her unemployable. Really? Maybe for a few years, but Donna Rice moved on to a very successful career. Even Michael Vick has a job…. America loves second acts..
(my friend Tom Dodd says ” I would have thought that she demonstrated that she had a marketable skill.”)
–
Maybe #PabloSandoval decided to sign with #Boston because he wanted to play on national television every week instead of just during the postseason. #RedSoxYankees #ESPN
–
Boston now has Big Papi and Pablo Sandoval on their team. Does this give the Red Sox the first dugout that will register on the Richter scale?
–
Not that most Giants fans would trade this year’s World Series to keep one player. But my friend Alex P. makes a good point. “Alternate reality: Let’s say the Giants lost the Wildcard game to the Pirates.” (or for that matter the Brewers didn’t collapse down the stretch and give SF the second wild card. Then “what contract would Sandoval get?”
–
Guessing this year the SF Giants Dugout Stores will be shipping children in Africa a lot of Panda hats?
–
John McCain wants Lindsey Graham to run for President. Democrats are thrilled. Republicans want Senator McCain checked for other signs of dementia.
–
Budweiser has apparently dropped the Clydesdales from their holiday advertising for new campaign aimed at 21-27 year-olds who have been drinking craft beers. Uh, have news for them, if Bud wants millennials, forget spending money on ads, spend it on improving the beer.
–
Chuck Hagel has resigned as Secretary of Defense. The GOP is eagerly awaiting President Obama’s pick for a replacement so they can say why he/she is the worst possible choice.
–
QB Johnny Manziel was reportedly at the center of a 20-person brawl in Cleveland last Friday. Belated congrats to all those who had Nov. 20 in the most recent pool.
Sports anchor Mike Lynch tweeted that he heard the #SFGiants matched the #RedSox offer for Sandoval but that Pablo left because he felt “disrepected.” Well, then it’s a good thing the Panda is going to such a gentle, warm and fuzzy market as Boston.
–
Sad to watch the rioting in Ferguson. But okay, if you WANTED to create a riot, could you do any more than say 10 hours in advance that a verdict had been reached, a verdict that many people expected to be a non-indictment, and then wait until several hours into the evening actually to announce it
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, Janice Hough, Lewinsky jokes, Lindsey Graham jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Panda jokes, Ravens jokes, Red Sox jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 31, 2014
Assume Fenway Park just got shipment of “Hi, My Name Is…” stickers for #RedSox clubhouse.
–
Two older men armed with a semi-automatic & a handgun held up a Chicago pharmacy for Viagra. Movie to be titled “Die Hard, the Final Sequel.
Bad news for the #SFGIants. No trades. Good news for the #SFGiants. The #Dodgers didn’t get Price.
–
Some strong teams got stronger today. Although before we engrave the trophies, remembering that maybe the best team I ever saw regularly was the 1993 #SFGiants.
–
The Oakland A’s traded #Cespedes to the #Redsox for Jon Lester. Might be time for Boston to reinforce the Green Monster.
–
Since #Cespedes is now a member of the #Redsox ESPN announcers will have to learn to pronounce his name for all those #Yankees games.
–
From Marc Ragovin; “Dan Uggla made three errors in only four games with the Giants? “Amateur,” said the NY Mets’ Daniel Murphy.”
–
–
Israel and Gaza have accepted a 72-hour ceasefire. Okay, so it’s not much. But it’s longer than several celebrity marriages.
–
House Republicans cancelled a vote on their OWN immigration bill because they couldn’t agree among themselves about it Waiting to see how they blame this on Obama.
–
The House couldn’t get it together to vote on their own immigration bill but they found time for a resolution allowing Boehner to sue Obama. #priorities.
–
Whole Foods stock fell about 2% after the store reported lower than expected earnings. Guessing those expensive grocery prices from yesterday will look like bargains tomorrow.
–
Congress has headed off for a five-week summer “recess.” I’m confused, isn’t recess what you get at school as a break from actually learning something?
–
From T.C. “86 year old Dodgers announcer Vin Scully has signed on for another year; his 66th. Vinny doesn’t travel with the team for the East Coast trips anymore. The team is afraid he may have a senior moment and start looking for Ebbets Field.”
–
Ray Rice had an apologetic press conference today, using terms like ‘inexcusable” “biggest mistake of my life,” and talked about how he knew his 2 year old daughter would read about it some day. No idea if he really is contrite and if the domestic violence will be a “one-time incident,” but Rice does seem to be handling it better than the NFL, the Ravens and Stephen A. Smith.
–
And regarding the Ray Rice situation. It’s not about what he said, and yes, he said all the right things and maybe he gets it. And yes, maybe he and his now-wife were both drunk. Not the point. And PC is not the point. The point is that his light NFL suspension, and Stephen A Smith’s comments, send a message. A message of mitigating circumstances. And “mitigating circumstances” is NEVER the message you want to send women and potential abusers.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball trade jokes, cespedes jokes, Janice Hough, ray rice jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes, trade deadline jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 3, 2014
Today, U.S. coach Jurgen Klinsmann now says he believed team USA could have won the World Cup — even though he said the exact opposite before they started playing. So maybe Klinsmann’s goal isn’t to be a winning coach, but a politician.
–
The Yankees were swept by the Rays and have now joined the Red Sox in having sub .500 records. Stand by for Bud Selig and MLB to implement emergency 16 team NBA-type playoffs..
Okay, maybe your baseball team is suffering. But I think Boston “wins” the week by being swept by the Chicago Cubs. Capped off by a 16-9 loss tonight. Talk about “50 Shades of Red Sox.”
But as T.C. says “Cubs 16; Red Sox 9. Boston doesn’t need hitting, they need Tom Brady!!!!”
–
Toronto mayor Rob Ford, just out of rehab, says “he can’t imagine” saying the things he said about black people, Jews and Italians. “When you have this disease, you say things, do things that aren’t you.” And Donald Sterling said “Why didn’t I think of that?
–
In England, the lawyer for ex-“News of the World” editor Andy Coulson, convicted of phone hacking, is pleading for a reduced sentence. The claim, that no one in the newspaper industry “realized that interception of voicemail messages was illegal, in the sense of criminal.” Ah, what, Coulson thought it was only immoral?
–
Target is asking customers, even those in “open carry” states, to leave their firearms at home. And really, who needs a gun while shopping anyway? Well, outside the first hour or so of a “Black Friday” sale.
–
At a Starbucks with line out the door, young woman is not only ordering for herself, but texting back and forth with a friend as to what kind of iced tea the friend wants. When she has finally paid, and line has grown, gal then pulls two Starbucks gift cards from her wallet and says “Can you verify the balances on these for me?” Beginning to see there just MIGHT be a reason for “open carry.”
–
Car in front of me on way to work had a “student driver” sign on it. Of course, it might have been obvious, the driver was actually using turn signals.
Protesters this week blocked buses containing undocumented immigrants from entering the Southern California town of Murrieta. Said one woman “”I just wish America would be America again.” “Amen,” responded Native Americans.
Rick Perry has given up wearing cowboy boots. Allegedly as a way to soften his Texas image as he runs for President again in 2016. Amazing. For appealing to a national audience, guns aren’t dangerous but boots are?
–
Louisiana Rep. Vance McAllister, elected on a “Christian Family Values” platform, became known as the “kissing congressman” when he was seen on video making out with a staffer, McAllister said he would step down but now says he will seek re-election in November. Well, makes sense. He changed his mind about “forsaking all others” too.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Congress jokes, Janice Hough, Louisiana jokes, open carry jokes, Red Sox jokes, Starbucks jokes, World Cup jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 25, 2014
Really? AP story starts out “Rory McIlroy put aside the anguish in his private life to win the European Tour’s flagship BMW PGA Championship.” Anguish? Uh, HE broke off the engagement, and after sending out wedding invitations. “I feel so sorry for him,” said no women.
–
Landon Donovan today told the media he thought he should be going to his fourth World Cup. And many Americans responded “So when’s this World Cup? “
–
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie inaugurated the Memorial Day Weekend at Jersey Shore and did shots with Ashbury Park Mayor Matthew J. Doherty. If it was Obama, the Fox headline would be “Is the President an alcoholic?”
–
Ebay just sent out an email FRIDAY NIGHT to all users saying they must change their passwords due to a data breach. Gosh, how did Ebay hear about this problem, on CNN?
–
A NY Jets fan in California has purchased the “Butt Fumble” jersey worn by Mark Sanchez. He says he will likely frame it and hang it on his wall, “until we win a Super Bowl or I can get together enough money to put it on a rocket ship and shoot it to outer space because I don’t think it belongs on this planet anymore,” Wonder how much he’ll have to save for that rocket ship.
–
Amazon is trying to increase profits and is being accused in some cases of pushing e-books over physical books. Awfully hard though to have a collection of autographed e-books.
–
Tampa Bay Rays beat the Boston Red Sox in 15 innings. Game lasted almost as long as a typical Red Sox Yankees game.
–
Now Matt Cain will miss another start with a sore hamstring. The #SFGiants keep getting injured, and keep winning. Wonder how many more players they will need to spend time on the DL to have a chance of winning it all this year
Ryan Hunter-Reayw won his first Indianapolis 500 today. And the reaction from most Americans. a. Who? and b.. How many crashes?
–Congrats to the #Dodgers Josh Beckett for the first no-hitter of 2014. Beer and fried chicken in the clubhouse on him?
And okay, the young man in Santa Barbara who allegedly killed 6 people besides himself was seeing therapists. His own parents called the police because they were worried he was dangerous. And he bought all three guns he used legally…. How many more?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Christie jokes, Dodgers jokes, Jets jokes, Red Sox jokes, Rory McIlory jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 23, 2014
Michael Pineda was ejected today when the umpire found pine tar on his neck. Really? Pine tar to pitch against the hitting-challenged Red Sox? That’s worse than stealing a base with a 7 run lead.
Another thought about Pineda. He had to know they were watching him after the alleged pine-tar on the glove earlier this year. And he puts it on his neck?! I don’t know if Jesus wept, but Gaylord Perry certainly did.
–
The Chicago Cubs celebrated the 100th anniversary of the first game at Wrigley Field. With a 3-run lead in the 9th, and a 1-run lead with 1 out to go. And they lost, 7-5. Well, at least they honored their legacy appropriately.
–
Sammy Sosa was absent from today’s ceremony commemorating the 100th anniversary of Wrigley Field. Supposedly he wasn’t invited. But maybe the Cubs just sent him an invitation in English?
–
-From Nick Coombs “Both Wrigley Field and Shakespeare are having their birthdays celebrated today. One crafts tragedies that echo throughout the ages, the other is a playwright.”-
–
Men must have kidnapped #SFGiants and put imposters in their uniforms. But don’t call the police, the imposters can hit. #Byebyebaby
–
#SF wins 12-10 on a safety over #Denver today This was a 49ers – Broncos game, right? #SFGiants
—
Doctors say the Hawaii teen stowaway was probably saved by hypothermia. So why implode it? We could keep SF’s Candlestick Park as a medical facility.
–
–
RIP Connie Marrero, 102, a former pitcher for the Washington Senators, who was the oldest living former MLB player. And one of the first to play with Jamie Moyer.
–
The original Joe Paterno statue at Penn State has been torn down, but alums have raised money and hope to install a new statue downtown, which will feature Paterno sitting on a bench reading Virgil’s “Aeneid.” Would it be more appropriate to have the legendary coach with his hands covering his eyes?
(my friend Augie said he should have been reading Dante’s Inferno.)
–
This tweet yesterday from Donald Trump: “Interesting how President Obama is flying around in a Boeing 747 on so-called Earth Day!” Even more interesting, this tweet from someone who a) doesn’t believe in climate change, and b) has his own personal 757
–
From Garry Weiler, reminding us that the Giants and Red Sox are not the only hitting challenged teams in MLB “the Seattle Mariners have scored 10 fewer runs than the Giants. Last night they had to leave the roof open at Safeco even though the weather was bad because they were afraid if they closed it that it would implode due to the Mariners sucking so badly.”
.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Connie Marrero, Janice Hough, Michael Pineda jokes, pine-tar jokes, Red Sox jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
December 4, 2013
About $500 million spent on free agents this offseason in MLB and the Yankees have spent about half of it. 28 teams are aghast. And the Dodgers are thinking “We can top this.”
Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, What’s next “Back To Work Wednesday?”
–
Two security guards at Houston’s Reliant Stadium were fired for having their pictures taken with Tom Brady. Maybe the team should have cut the guys a break, it’s not like any reasonable person would want a picture taken with one of this year’s Texans
The best news for t-shirt vendors near Fenway Park tonight. They can print over all the “Johnny Damon traitor/Judas” shirts and substitute “Jacoby Ellsbury.
–
Jacoby Ellsbury has signed a 7 year, $153 million contract with the Yankees. This is apparently part of the new NY strategy – “Austerity as long as we are not competing with the Red Sox.”
–
A new study shows U.S. students well below average compared to the rest of the world in math, particularly in their ability to apply mathematics to real world situations. No kidding. As at FedEx field Sunday where we saw issues with counting to 10 and even 4.
–
Brett Favre is the offensive coordinator for Oak Grove High School in Hattiesburg, MS, and his team is playing in the state championship Friday. The real question, how does Favre make play-calling decisions in time to avoid delay of game penalties?
–
Arizona coach Bruce Arians sent 15 plays to the NFL to highlighting “obvious” officiating errors during the Cardinals 24-21 loss to the Eagles. Wonder if the officials sent back a list of 15 or more “obvious” coaching errors.
The Washington, D.C. tree was formally lit Tuesday night. The way things are going in our nation’s capitol, wonder if President Obama had to threaten a nuclear option to prevent John Boehrner from subjecting the tree to a filibuster.
–
While he declined to attend, Peyton Manning took the time to sign and return a wedding invitation sent to him by a “lifelong fan.” Nice to see an NFL player making news for signing something other than a citation or bail contract.
–
The California GOP is taking some heat for a fake Obamacare website. (coveringhealthcareca.com as opposed to the real coveredca.com) Wonder how long it will take an confused out-of-state Republican to trash the site as not working correctly.
–
Delta Airlines bumped 50 passengers at Gainesville Airport when they used their plane to accommodate the University of Florida men’s basketball team, whose charter had a mechanical problem. That’s the basketball team. Had it been the UF football team this year, Delta probably would have put them on a Greyhound bus.
–
Paul Walker seemed like a really cool guy who did a lot of good with his stardom. And he died way too young. But as far as it being a tragedy? Mechanical or not, racing or not, that car was going really really fast. The real tragedy would have been if they spun out of control and hit another car or innocent bystanders crossing the street… IMHO
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cyber Monday jokes, Ellsbury jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Red Sox jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 30, 2013
Okay, congratulations to the Boston Red Sox. But I think I speak for mothers everywhere when I say “Can you shave now?
–
Everyone’s happy in Boston tonight. Well, except scalpers who had game seven tickets.
–
Will Tim McCarver’s next act be telling Americans how much more he knows about retirement than any of us?
–
Although the Red Sox were World Series champions in 2004 and 2007, fans in Boston are talking about what a historic occasion this is because the team hasn’t won the Series clincher AT HOME since 1918. And Cubs fans are thinking “Just STFU.”
–
Thinking if the Angels’ Mike Scioscia had pitched to Barry Bonds like the Cardinals’ Mike Matheny pitched to David Ortiz, the SF Giants would have a third trophy with little flags at A T & Park.
–
The World Series beat MNF in the ratings. Which could be a sign that Americans really do consider baseball the national pastime. Or that most of us don’t give a damn about the Seahawks and Rams.
–
Bob Barker is returning to the “Price is Right” for his 90th birthday. It will be like he never left. Especially for Bob himself, who probably won’t remember leaving.
–
The Miami Dolphins had to fix their cheerleader web site yesterday because it was sending mobile users to a pornography site. Presumably they noticed the problem when traffic to the cheerleader site went up 1000%?
–
London archaeologists just unearthed a Roman eagle statue that they believe dates from the 1st or 2nd century. Apparently the sculpture hasn’t been seen since it was featured on an early episode of “Larry King Live.”
–
A Wisconsin man was arrested after coming home drunk from a Halloween Party and dangling a child upside down from an overpass. Presume he was dressed up as Michael Jackson?
–
Kanye West, referring to Kim’s near-nude swimsuit selfie, “Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.” “What an a**hole,” said most politicians on both sides of the aisle. “Uh, I’m willing to chair the investigation of this picture,” said Bill Clinton.
–
The last funeral home in Palo Alto, California is closing tomorrow and the property has been bought by Yahoo’s Marissa Mayer. Insert Yahoo Mail joke here:
–
A Fargo, N.D. woman named “Cheryl,” told a local radio station that when “fat” kids come by, instead of candy on Halloween she’ll hand out letters saying “Your child is, in my opinion, moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats.” Why do I feel confident “Cheryl” is single?
–
Apparently in Denver authorities dealing with legalized marijuana are grappling with some who are okay with the law, but object to the smell. So they are trying to regulate smoking in open areas. Maybe when Denver figures it out they can pass the same laws about perfume.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, Halloween jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tim McCarver jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 27, 2013
The way these World Series endings are going, the fat lady won’t sing, she’ll slip on a banana peel.
–
So what will end tomorrow’s World Series game? A wild pitch, a balk, batting out of order?
–
So did the #Cardinals and #RedSox sign a secret contract promising at least one brain freeze per #WorldSeries game?
–
The theme of this year’s World Series? “It’s a simple game, you throw the ball you hit the ball, sometimes you catch the ball.”
–
The NY Jets have had a few weeks without a quarterback circus. Break time is apparently over.
–
Just how bad is the NFL Least? The 2-6 NY Giants are only two games out of first.
–
So much for another BCS title game between two SEC teams. It’s not even November and the conference only has one undefeated team and two one-loss teams left. Wonder if they’ve asked the NCAA about starting the playoff system a year early.
–
Chris Brown was arrested this morning for felony assault. So congratulations to all those who had October 27 in the pool.
–
Well, for all those tired of discussing football’s “push” rule ad infinitum, now we can discuss baseball’s obstruction rule ad infinitum….
–
A man was arrested yesterday at JFK Airport for checking three illegal weapons plus a loaded rifle in his luggage. On top of a fifth gun that was legal. Wonder if the airline refunded his baggage fee.
–
How ugly are the Red Sox playoff beards? Parents of teenagers and college students may be so relieved their children aren’t emulating the players that their reaction to another way of standing out might be “Oh, it’s only a tattoo.”
–
Dick Cheney is predicting his daughter Liz will unseat Mike Enzi, the sitting GOP Wyoming senator in next year’s primary. “The fact of the matter is, Washington is not going to elect the next senator from Wyoming, the people of Wyoming will elect the senator.” Interesting choice of words considering Liz Cheney just moved to Jackson Hole from a D.C. suburb last year.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Brown jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, playoff beard jokes, Red Sox jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 24, 2013
The NFL keeps increasing the number of games in London in hopes of basing a team there someday. Might not be as hard to get players to move to England as the league might think – the country would have free healthcare for all their children and baby mamas.
–
Apparently after Sam Bradford’s season-ending injury, the St. Louis Rams reached out to… Brett Favre. But the 44-year-old said that he really is retired now. “Couldn’t you have given it one more chance?” said every comedy writer in the country?
Alabama coach Nick Saban is complaining that Crimson Tide fans are leaving at halftime. Maybe it would help if the team scheduled opponents who would keep the game competitive after the first quarter.
–
What’s scarier? That the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are now 0-7? Or that they probably aren’t the worst NFL team in Florida?
–
Former Oregon Ducks TE Colt Lyerla, who left the team Oct 6 for what he said were “personal reason”, was arrested last night for cocaine possession. When he quit, Lyerla said that he “would pursue an NFL career.” Sounds like he’s well on his way to being league ready.
–
Cal’s current football player graduation rate last in the conference and last among all BCS schools. Gosh, who’d a thunk the Bears would be the Pac 12 team to beat SEC teams at something?
–
Where’s a good tornado when you need one? The Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the World Series because Americans “worship the false idol of baseball.” Silly silly hateful bigots. Most Americans do not worship baseball. They worship football.
Apparently a breathalyzer test is being developed that will catch stoned drivers, as opposed to those might have just smoked the day before. Of course, it might be cheaper to just hold up a bag of Doritos, and see if the suspect snatches it from the officer’s hand.
–
Why do I have a feeling this may be one of the understatements of the year. After Spirit Airlines delayed flights up to 12 hours for engine inspections, an airport spokesman said “there were several dozen people in Terminal 4 overnight. There were no arrests. Some did lose their tempers, but it was all worked out amicably.”
–
Hope game 2 of the World Series is more competitive. The way they played last night the St. Louis Cardinals won’t be able plausibly to sell “game-used” gloves.
—
A STL minor league pitcher accused Boston pitcher Jon Lester of doctoring the ball, and pictures do show something in Lester’s glove, though the Cardinals never complained during the game. But come on, the Red Sox cheating? Just who would they have to think they are? The Patriots?
The average postseason baseball game has gone 3 hrs & 22 min. And fans of #Yankees #Redsox games are thinking, how do they play that fast?
–
This Carlos Beltran is a pretty tough dude. If he were healthy all the way through 2011, would the SF Giants be sitting on a “three-peat?”
–
Just maybe it is not a good idea to throw strikes to David Ortiz with runners on base in this postseason?
–
For those who think I only pick on the SEC, Oregon and USC, this gem is from ASU via a friend ‘
“”I don’t know what that word is man. Arizona St. education, bro’. Break that one down for me.” Dustin Pedroia
What’s that? Oh, the word that confused him was “validity”.
–
A couple was fined $250 each for having oral sex on a flight from Medford to Las Vegas. No word on how much the airline charged passengers for an entertainment fee.
–
From BIll Littlejohn:
Marlins President David Samson predicts that his team will be playing October baseball next year.Boy, those Arizona Winter Leagues are starting earlier and earlier”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Buccaneers jokes, Cardinals jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Oregon jokes, Red Sox jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 