Posted tagged ‘lion jokes’

Bounce back.

August 2, 2015
San Francisco has put a substance on some walls that not only is urine-resistant, it shoots the liquid right back where it came from. Shame there isn’t some equivalent substance that would work on arrows with lions.
Mixed stories today, though possible good news in the end? Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. But Jericho the lion may still be alive.
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has been indicted on multiple felony charges, following upon Gov. Rick Perry’s own indictment in 2014. If this keeps up, Illinois and Louisiana are going to be jealous.
Do I get points for gender equality if I am equally indifferent to MMA even if a woman like Ronda Rousey is involved?
Boston Red Sox president and Larry Lucchino, whose contract was going to expire at the end of the year, is leaving the team. And season ticket holders are thinking “no fair, how come he gets to leave and we don’t?”
Great that the Royals and Astros have been playing well enough to be buyers at the trade deadline. And not like most Americans knew any names on the teams anyway.
Business Insider is reporting that Donald Trump has fired a senior adviser who published “many racist and otherwise offensive Facebook posts”  So did the Donald fire the guy because he thought the posts were wrong, or because Trump didn’t like the competition.
SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy used Angel Pagan as the DH and wouldn’t let Madison Bumgarner hit Friday night in Texas. Maybe that’s why Madbum had an off-night?
Meanwhile, on Saturday night, Giants pulled out a 9-7 win and made perhaps a few teams happy they didn’t give away the store to trade for Cole Hamels.

In Ontario, Canada Saturday there was a “Bare With Us” rally about women’s right to go topless. And in the U.S. millions of men who might not be in favor of universal healthcare or gun control are thinking, maybe those Canadians are onto something.

So, okay, I get the need for some hunting to “cull the herds” and I get eating what you kill, even I want no part of it personally.

But when these folks brag about their great kills – uh, let’s see, you have a gun, the animals have nothing. Not exactly a fair fight. ‪#‎compensation‬?

From Marc Ragovin “I beg your pardon. Did you just say Lynn Anderson died? (just another reason why I am going straight to hell)”

Well, you got to figure her funeral will be enough roses for a serious garden.

The ice have it

June 2, 2015

The Stanley Cup Finals between the Blackhawks and the Lightning start Wednesday night in Tampa.   Scalpers should have a field day.  If for no other reason than when it’s 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, ANY excuse to sit inside with ice should be a hot ticket.

Not saying Florida isn’t exactly a hockey mecca.  But when random Floridians were asked if they were watching the Lightning,  most of them responded “I didn’t even hear the thunder.”

Sepp Blatter is retiring as President of FIFA, Translation, one of the officials arrested has made an immunity plea deal.

 

June 5 is National Doughnut Day, so Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme will give away freebies on Friday. Wonder how much of the cost will be underwritten by Weight Watchers?

As this FIFA mess expands, you’d think that if they really wanted to do corruption on a grand scale and not be caught, these international football types would have hired someone from America’s NCAA.

So is everyone at FIFA in Sepp-tic shock? ‪#‎Blatter‬

 

Two months into a seven month abalone season, the sixth person this year has died while diving for the precious mollusk off the Northern California coast, How long until the NRA calls for divers to be armed?

Now Ohio governor John Kasich is heading to Iowa to make a speech to an economic development group in Des Moines At this point if all those ballplayers tried to come out of the cornfields they’d trip over presidential candidates.

Mike Huckabee, dismissing trangenders. “Now, I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.'”

Kind of makes sense that some of these clowns don’t believe in evolution. Because they are their own best argument against it. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

So the Duggars are apparently TLC’s 5th reality show hild molestation scandal, following issues with “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” “Sons of Guns,” “Cheer Perfection,”, and “Cake Boss.” Who knew that TLC stood for “Touching Little Children?”

An official at Poly Prep, an expensive private NYC school, has been placed on indefinite leave after reports that he included alcohol, cigars and hookers on a trip to Cuba for students. Meanwhile, have to wonder how many boys have been pleading with their parents to let them apply to the school.

So the American tourist killed by a lion in the South African Safari Park was taking pictures with all the windows down when she was attacked. Wonder if the lion was hungry, or if big cats too have had enough of selfie sticks?

Another thought on the woman mauled to death by a lion at a Safari Park. Sad that she died just for rolling down a window. On the other hand, as anyone who has cats knows, you can store their favorite food indefinitely in the house…but open a can where they can smell it, and it’s all over.