Posted tagged ‘FIFA jokes’

The ice have it

June 2, 2015

The Stanley Cup Finals between the Blackhawks and the Lightning start Wednesday night in Tampa.   Scalpers should have a field day.  If for no other reason than when it’s 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, ANY excuse to sit inside with ice should be a hot ticket.

Not saying Florida isn’t exactly a hockey mecca.  But when random Floridians were asked if they were watching the Lightning,  most of them responded “I didn’t even hear the thunder.”

Sepp Blatter is retiring as President of FIFA, Translation, one of the officials arrested has made an immunity plea deal.

 

June 5 is National Doughnut Day, so Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme will give away freebies on Friday. Wonder how much of the cost will be underwritten by Weight Watchers?

As this FIFA mess expands, you’d think that if they really wanted to do corruption on a grand scale and not be caught, these international football types would have hired someone from America’s NCAA.

So is everyone at FIFA in Sepp-tic shock? ‪#‎Blatter‬

 

Two months into a seven month abalone season, the sixth person this year has died while diving for the precious mollusk off the Northern California coast, How long until the NRA calls for divers to be armed?

Now Ohio governor John Kasich is heading to Iowa to make a speech to an economic development group in Des Moines At this point if all those ballplayers tried to come out of the cornfields they’d trip over presidential candidates.

Mike Huckabee, dismissing trangenders. “Now, I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.'”

Kind of makes sense that some of these clowns don’t believe in evolution. Because they are their own best argument against it. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

So the Duggars are apparently TLC’s 5th reality show hild molestation scandal, following issues with “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” “Sons of Guns,” “Cheer Perfection,”, and “Cake Boss.” Who knew that TLC stood for “Touching Little Children?”

An official at Poly Prep, an expensive private NYC school, has been placed on indefinite leave after reports that he included alcohol, cigars and hookers on a trip to Cuba for students. Meanwhile, have to wonder how many boys have been pleading with their parents to let them apply to the school.

So the American tourist killed by a lion in the South African Safari Park was taking pictures with all the windows down when she was attacked. Wonder if the lion was hungry, or if big cats too have had enough of selfie sticks?

Another thought on the woman mauled to death by a lion at a Safari Park. Sad that she died just for rolling down a window. On the other hand, as anyone who has cats knows, you can store their favorite food indefinitely in the house…but open a can where they can smell it, and it’s all over.

 

 

There’s corruption at FIFA, I’m shocked, shocked…

May 28, 2015

The U.S. case against FIFA apparently involves bribes “totaling more than $100 million” linked to commercial deals dating back to the 1990s for soccer tournaments in the United States and Latin America. $100 million is a lot of money to affect competition. Of course, for comparison ESPN is paying $470 million a year for the college football playoffs….

FIFA President Sepp Blatter on the arrests “Let me be clear: such misconduct has no place in football and we will ensure that those who engage in it are put out of the game.” So is Blatter resigning?

 

Have to share this from Ryan Duca. “Breaking news. Swiss Police confirm that, when arrested, all seven FIFA officials threw themselves on the ground and pretended to be injured.”

 

 

The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are 10-2 since their right fielder has returned to the lineup field. Let’s hope MLB doesn’t classify Hunter Pence as a PED.

The team with the highest batting average in the National League is…. the SF Giants?! ‪#‎whoaretheseguys‬

ESPN reports NY Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard “is the 4th pitcher in the last 50 years to throw 7 scoreless innings in a game, while collecting 3 hits, including a HR.” Is this throwing down the gauntlet to Madison Bumgarner?

 

 

The worst division in MLB is unquestionably now the AL East, with even the division  leading Yankees at .532, no better than 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th place in most other divisions, and no one else over .500. But the division does have 3 of the top 10 ten payrolls in baseball. (NY, Boston,Toronto.)  #moneycantbuyhappiness  #orwins

If the Warriors clinch tonight it will be seven days between the end of the Conference Finals and the beginning of the NBA Finals, the longest layoff ever. Well, I guess the league doesn’t want to give up on the moniker “The Boys of Summer.”

 

Wow. Just wow. Less than 48 hours after he was cut by the Chicago Bears for a third arrest, which he denied was his fault, Ray McDonald was arrested tonight by the Santa Clara Police for violating a restraining order. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

An Australian man made the news for spending $37K on a birthday party at a private estate for their daughter. The girl just turned 3. Well, if dad has that kind of money, presumably he can set aside as much or more for future therapy.

Marco Rubio says of the push to legalize same-sex marriage that “we’ve reached the point in our society where if you do not support same-sex marriage you are labeled a homophobe and a hater.”,… After they are done going after individuals, the next step is to argue that the teachings of mainstream Christianity, the catechism of the Catholic Church is hate speech. And there’s a real and present danger.”

Thinking a bigger “real and present danger” to Christianity these days is people like Marco Rubio…

 

No NBA games to watch now for about a week. And a large number of Americans are going “no what?”

 

Rand Paul today, on GOP Hawks. “ISIS exists and grew stronger because of the hawks in our party who gave arms indiscriminately. And most of those arms were snatched up by ISIS. … Everything that they have talked about in foreign policy, they have been wrong about for 20 years, and yet they have somehow the gall to keep saying and pointing fingers otherwise.” Well, not sure what job Paul is really angling for, but it sure doesn’t appear to be the Republican VP nominee.

Not such sweet dreams.

July 7, 2014

A Yankees fan who was seen sleeping during a Red Sox-Yankees Sunday night game has now filed a $10 million defamation suit again ESPN and its announcers, largely due to some of the comments posted online after his picture went viral. $10 million! That’s almost enough to buy season tickets for a whole year at Yankee Stadium.


Andrew Rector, the “Sleeping Yankees fan”, says the reason for his $10 million lawsuit is that John Kruk and Dan Shulman unleashed an “avalanche of disparaging words.” But okay, so the guy was briefly the butt of some internet jokes amongst some sports fans (personally, I missed it), until they moved on to the next thing. Now millions of Americans not only know Rector fell asleep at a game, they will think he’s an a**hole.

At Target Field in Minneapolis, they’ve installed self-serve beer stands. What could possibly go wrong?

So who needs a show titled “The Decision.” This time Lebron’s choice of teams appears to be a months long ESPN miniseries.


In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a bird was killed when it was hit by a pitch thrown by Detroit Tigers’ minor league prospect Jon Maciel. Wonder if the poor bird had a mistaken sense of invincibility from surviving an earlier HBP from Barry Zito?

Some teaser trailers have been released for “Gone Girl,” the new Ben Affleck thriller that will debut October 3. Of course, for anyone who really can’t wait to know what happens there’s always… reading the book.


Two Mets prospects from Venezuela without U.S. drivers’ licenses were arrested for racing and driving over 100 mph on July 4 in Kingsport, TN. The young men were charged this morning with drag racing, presumably since Tennessee doesn’t have a statute on criminal stupidity?

( Presumably if they could THROW as well as drive over 100 MPH, they would have gotten better signing offers than the Mets.)

Apparently a new danger at the Tour de France is people with their back to the riders, taking selfies while the race goes by. Said one rider “Everyone is out there having fun and a lot of people don’t realize we’re coming past at 37 mph and we use every inch of the roads.” Darwin would be so proud.

#SFGiants All-Star Madison Bumgarner, with two home runs, says he has reached out to captain Troy Tulowitzki about joining the NL HR Derby team. Well, Madbum only has one home run less than both Hector Sanchez and Gregor Blanco.

A ticket vendor who has won FIFA ticket contracts for 20 years was arrested in a World Cup scalping investigation. A remember of the FIFA team might be corrupt? Next someone will try to tell us there is gambling in Casablana.