Posted tagged ‘Tour de France jokes’

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Not such sweet dreams.

July 7, 2014

A Yankees fan who was seen sleeping during a Red Sox-Yankees Sunday night game has now filed a $10 million defamation suit again ESPN and its announcers, largely due to some of the comments posted online after his picture went viral. $10 million! That’s almost enough to buy season tickets for a whole year at Yankee Stadium.

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Andrew Rector, the “Sleeping Yankees fan”, says the reason for his $10 million lawsuit is that John Kruk and Dan Shulman unleashed an “avalanche of disparaging words.” But okay, so the guy was briefly the butt of some internet jokes amongst some sports fans (personally, I missed it), until they moved on to the next thing. Now millions of Americans not only know Rector fell asleep at a game, they will think he’s an a**hole.
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At Target Field in Minneapolis, they’ve installed self-serve beer stands. What could possibly go wrong?
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So who needs a show titled “The Decision.” This time Lebron’s choice of teams appears to be a months long ESPN miniseries.

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In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a bird was killed when it was hit by a pitch thrown by Detroit Tigers’ minor league prospect Jon Maciel. Wonder if the poor bird had a mistaken sense of invincibility from surviving an earlier HBP from Barry Zito?
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Some teaser trailers have been released for “Gone Girl,” the new Ben Affleck thriller that will debut October 3. Of course, for anyone who really can’t wait to know what happens there’s always… reading the book.

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Two Mets prospects from Venezuela without U.S. drivers’ licenses were arrested for racing and driving over 100 mph on July 4 in Kingsport, TN. The young men were charged this morning with drag racing, presumably since Tennessee doesn’t have a statute on criminal stupidity?

( Presumably if they could THROW as well as drive over 100 MPH, they would have gotten better signing offers than the Mets.)
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Apparently a new danger at the Tour de France is people with their back to the riders, taking selfies while the race goes by. Said one rider “Everyone is out there having fun and a lot of people don’t realize we’re coming past at 37 mph and we use every inch of the roads.” Darwin would be so proud.
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#SFGiants All-Star Madison Bumgarner, with two home runs, says he has reached out to captain Troy Tulowitzki about joining the NL HR Derby team. Well, Madbum only has one home run less than both Hector Sanchez and Gregor Blanco.

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A ticket vendor who has won FIFA ticket contracts for 20 years was arrested in a World Cup scalping investigation. A remember of the FIFA team might be corrupt? Next someone will try to tell us there is gambling in Casablana.

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Only 162 more shopping days.

July 14, 2013

July 14, 2013.    A Facebook ad titled “Music for the Holidays” suggests “Create your holiday soundtrack with Pandora for business.” Have they no shame? Everyone knows the Christmas shopping season doesn’t start until Labor Day.

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Asiana Airlines said they are considering legal action against KTVU because the station’s reading of the four fake names “badly damaged” their reputation. Really? I would have thought what badly damaged Asiana’s reputation was crashing a 777 on a clear day with possibly one of the worst landings in commercial aviation history.

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Timing is everything. The New York Times did a pre-All Star break baseball story that pointed out there was only one no-hitter this year. And called Tim Lincecum one of the three most disappointing NL pitchers in 2013.

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Anyone looking at the box scores from last night’s and today’s SF Giants vs. San Diego Padres games will understand, if they haven’t already, that “momentum is the next day’s starting pitcher.” (Earl Weaver.)

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The All Star futures game today was managed by Mookie Wilson and Edgardo Alfonzo, two former Mets. Well, when you think of minor league baseball, it’s makes sense to think of the Mets.

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American sprinter Tyson Gay tests positive for a banned substance: Track and Field is beginning to look like a sport with all the honor and integrity of professional cycling.

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From Bill Littlejohn:   after a bystander threw urine on Tour de France rider Mark Cavendish: “I wonder if it tested negative.”

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Yesterday Metta World Peace said he was done with the NBA, today he wants to play for the New York Knicks. Maybe he meant the Knicks aren’t really an NBA team, they’re more like a circus….?

The time’s they are a changin.’ Jordan Spieth, 19, won the John Deere Classic today. To put this in perspective, based on Spieth’s age, Tiger Woods is old enough to be his father.

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Is it too soon to start a pool on the date of George Zimmerman’s next arrest?

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After his acquittal, George Zimmerman got his gun returned to him. So going forward, presume anyone who argues with him has a right to draw their own weapon at any time. Because we’ve already proved, anyone fighting with Zimmerman IS in mortal danger.

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And serious final note:  The death of Cory Monteith reminds us of a sad truth about addiction. Not everyone with a problem plays it out by becoming a tabloid joke with their bad behavior.

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Back to jokes.

July 21, 2012

21 people in San Jose were treated for burns on their feet after a Tony Ribbons  “Unleash the Power Within” seminar, which concluded with participants “firewalking” in bare feet over hot coals.

Uh, wouldn’t a better title be “Unleash the Idiot Within?”

 

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What’s more bizarre? That in late July 2012 Tim Lincecum won to boost his record to 4-10. Or that many skeptics dismissed the win by saying “Oh, it’s only against the Phillies?”

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Our long national nightmare is over. Starting Monday, “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” are back on Direct TV.

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When asked about the new NBA idea to put ads on uniforms, MLB commissioner Bud Selig said “You learn never to say never, but you know, with us, uniforms are really important.” Translation, “The Yankees don’t want ads.”

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Tennessee Titans WR Kenny Britt was arrested this morning for DUI in Kentucky. Okay, so we can’t solve all the problems of the world, but maybe the NFL could start mandating contracts that include players using cars and drivers?

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A large black dog crossing the road in front of Tour de France riders has caused a crash in Friday’s stage of the race. And somewhere a French cat is sitting in the sun smirking and thinking “chien fou.”

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An Oregon woman is selling her house after a divorce with a “For Sale” sign saying “Husband left us for a 22 year old. No adulterers please.” Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll sell it to a gay couple who’ve been together 40 years.

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The U.S. Defense Department is making a special allowance for the San Diego Gay Pride parade, allowing  service members for the first time to march in such an event in uniform.

One word:  “Fabulous.”

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From Gary Bachman:  “Olympic officials will reportedly provide more than 150,000 condoms to athletes at no cost during the London 2012 Olympic Games. The USA Men’s Basketball team asked, ‘What are condoms?’

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Aubrey Huff is going to return to San Francisco for another MRI. Apparently he had a knee setback. “Darn” said absolutely no Giants fans.

 

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