Posted tagged ‘NBA jokes’

Not the charm

March 8, 2017

In Denver, a court issued a warrant to arrest Kings guard Ty Larson, who was on probation for a DUI, and apparently not only failed to complete his community service, but also tested positive for alcohol three times since Sept 2016.
Uh,you’d think if Larson visits Denver he’d at least know one way to relax without alcohol. #cantfixstupid

OK, just how much of a mess are the @NYJets? QB Brian Hoyer reportedly is choosing to sign with the @49ers instead of them.

Andrew Bogut will be out for the rest of year but won’t need surgery. So he should be healthy & ready to get injured again next #NBA season.

It’s #NationalProcrastinationalWeek. Shouldn’t we wait until next week to celebrate?

Thinking Trump may not have written his #WomensDay tweet. It didn’t really grab me.

 

 

While making bracket picks can we have a side bet on how many technical fouls Grayson Allen will get in #MarchMadness?

Well, finally, some good news. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are reportedly calling off their divorce. Will Trump take the credit?

Secretary of Homeland Security John Kelly on Trump’s wiretap accusations, “If the President of the United States said that, he’s got his reasons to say it. He must have some convincing evidence that took place. .”
Kelly’s new in town, isn’t he?

Ted Cruz having dinner at White House tonight with Trump. Assume crow & humble pie on the menu?

The GOP promises Americans won’t be sicker under their new health care bill. It will just be referred to as #AlternativeWellness

Exit polls indicated 52% of voters ages 50-64 voted for Trump. And they’re getting biggest premium hike w/ #Trumpcare But her emails..

Lindsay Graham “The country needs an answer to this. The current President has accused the former President of basically wiretapping his campaign.”
What if the answer is simply that the current President is bat-shit crazy.

 

US military budget more than most other countries together, social services lag behind most of Western world. So which will Trump cut?

 

 

Sean Spicer on AARP declaring opposition to “Trumpcare” – It’s not about trying to figure how many special interests in Wash. we can get paid off.” Only the ones who are FOT? #FriendsofTrump?

 

Seriously have to wonder what’s going on when poor and working class Americans are livid about idea of immigrants and poorer people somehow gaming the system for low paying jobs and benefits. While they don’t mind the richest Americans really gaming the system for high paying jobs and to avoid taxes

 

 

 

Flat Earth Society

February 18, 2017

Uh oh, now it’s Draymond Green When asked if he, like Kyrie Irving, believes the world to be flat, Green replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t done enough research. But it may be flat.”
Speaking of research, maybe it wasn’t just the NFL that should have been paying attention to concussions?

 

Kyrie Irving came in second to Eric Gordon in the NBA All-Star 3 point shooting contest. That damn curvature of the earth strikes again.

 

Lebron James “Kyrie is my little brother. If he decides the earth is flat, that’s okay.”

Uh, isn’t one of the jobs of a big brother to tell a little brother when he’s being stupid?

Kyrie Irving is questioning whether dinosaurs existed. Fool, he could have just asked  Tim Duncan, who lived with them. @Spurs

No spring training games, NBA and college basketball games don’t mean anything yet….this is the time of year when ABC’s Wide World of Sports used to give up and show cliff diving.

Local NBC news talking about NBA All-Star weekend “The biggest party in the country is happening this weekend in New Orleans.” Excuse me, on most weekends, the biggest party in the country is happening  in New Orleans.

 

According to Melbourne Police, 9,000 attendees at #TrumpRally today. 9,000?! Even Miami Marlins are thinking that’s a small crowd.

 

Give  Trump credit. How long has it been since most Americans were genuinely disappointed that SNL was taking a weekend off?

Today is #NationalDrinkWineDay. Give @realDonaldTrump for increasingly at least one segment of retail sales.

Spotted at Trump rally in Florida, one man with a t-shirt for the conspiracy site InfoWars, while another wore a “Grab America by the Pussy” shirt. #stayclassy

Still attacking Hillary at #TrumpRally. Someone should tell this man that after winning, the true greats don’t keep dissing their opponents.

 

What is truly amazing is that a man who is basically a media creation views that media as the enemy.

Now Trump is talking about the “Southern White House” Jefferson Davis must be so proud.

 

Trump said he “inherited a mess.” From USA Today “Jobs have been growing for 75 straight months — a record.” Well, he’ll fix that.

#TrumpRally– “I am here because I want to be among my friends.” Anyone but me thinking someone should have given this man a puppy?

 

Trump says Obamacare is “a tragedy, a real tragedy.” Uh, no, Obamacare may be flawed; being without healthcare is a tragedy.

Up in smoke?

January 31, 2017

 

Stephen Jackson said today in an interview he and other players occasionally smoked marijuana before playing in NBA games. Next thing someone will say is that the Gatorade on the sideline is wet.

Some uproar in SF area about @49ers choosing John Lynch as GM as he has no experience. Maybe no one with any experience would take the job?

New 49ers GM John Lynch says SF is going to “aggressively recruit” talent to “make us even stronger.”
Well, it would be hard to make the team much weaker.

 

 

At Super Bowl media event, avowed Trump friend Tom Brady said he wasn’t talking politics, but later was asked his opinion of what was going on in the world “What’s going on in the world? I haven’t paid much attention. I’m just a positive person.”
I think I liked “I knew nothing about deflated footballs” better.

I apologize, clearly Trump DOES listen to people who know what they are talking about. .

“.@AP has learned President Donald Trump’s voter fraud expert is registered in 3 states.

Sean Spicer today said people shouldn’t be upset that Trump’s Holocaust remembrance statement didn’t mention Jews, and that “nitpicking” the statement is “just ridiculous.”
What is ridiculous is that Spicer could say that with a straight face.

Suspect in Quebec City mosque shooting is French-Canadian so can we expect Trump’s travel ban to include Canadians?

Gosh, #QuebecCityMosqueShootingoff off headlines at Fox News already. Sure it has nothing to do w/ fact shooter is white.

When Donald Trump heads to England to visit Queen will be interesting if British customs officer asks to see his social media account.

Well, that didn’t take long. Trump fired acting Attorney General Sally Yates for not enforcing one of his executive orders. Remind me again how he’s going to let Jim Mattis overrule him on torture etc?

 

Thinking maybe it’s not too soon to start a pool on when Jim Mattis resigns or is fired?

Trump’s purported next executive order might limit the number of foreign workers high-tech companies can hire. And he was upset by how much he lost the popular vote in California by before….

Tweeted by a man who never expects to fly a commercial plane for the rest of his life, especially Delta.
“Only 109 people out of 325,000 were detained and held for questioning. Big problems at airports were caused by Delta computer outage,…..”

 

Unnamed White House official on the travel ban ‘It really is a massive success story.” Hmm, wonder what it was designed to distract attention from?

Give Trump credit, 1st President to get tens of thousands of Americans to go to airports without their own flights involved.

One good thing about this #BoycottStarbucks, as a liberal when I’m in line now I know I can safely have a political discussion.

From Roberta.   “For anyone worried that those 10,000 refugees are “taking American jobs”; at the rate Starbucks stores are proliferating in this country, that’s only an average of 1-2 refugees per store.”

Play ball…. asap

January 23, 2017

Considering everything that is going on in USA right now can we declare a state of emergency requiring baseball to start spring training earlier?

 

#Spurs without Leonard, Ginoboli, Gasol and Parker beat #Nets by 26. This might hurt Brooklyn’s chances for a seeding in March Madness.

Apparently ticket sales for this year’s Super Bowl are starting out slowly. Although maybe jaded Patriots fans saving their money for a more interesting and warmer location than Houston next year forgot the 2018 game is in Minneapolis?

He has since deleted his Twitter account, but Johnny Manziel tweeted today “Yo, POTUS even I know to stay away from the notifications section on twitter. S— will drive you crazy, lead the country and let them hate,”
You really do have to worry about the apocalypse when Johnny Manziel is the voice of reason.

#MarcoRubio wanted Americans to trust him to stand up to our country’s enemies. He can’t even stand up to Trump.

Trump claimed last Thursday that Tom Brady called to congratulation him just before the inauguration. Hmm…. all Matt Ryan might need to make the Falcons America’s new team might be a pussy hat.

Trump is changing America’s relationship status with the rest of the world to “It’s complicated.”

Chelsea Clinton this weekend on social media “Barron Trump deserves the chance every child does — to be a kid.”
Quite true, although Barron’s father is about 60 years past using his own chance..

Steve Kerr is upset about player voting for the NBA All-Star, after many didn’t vote, and out of 324 who did, 128 ignored Lebron and 154 ignored Durant. “I think if you’re going to give the players [the vote], I think they should take it seriously.”
As seriously as many voters took the 2016 Presidential election?

#familyvalues Matthew Wollman, a member of the South Dakota house has resigned after admitting to “consensual sex with two interns who were over 21.” A statement from the SD House Speaker said that Wollmann decided ‘this was best for him, his fiancé, his family and the young ladies involved.’
Well, maybe former fiance?

 

President Trump today issued an executive order to declare Jan. 20, 2017 as “National Day of Patriotic Devotion.” Saying the proclamation was “to strengthen our bonds to each other and to our country — and to renew the duties of Government to the people.”
Even Kim Jong-Un is thinking, really Mr. President, less is more.

Trump also met with congressional leaders today. Apparently he’s still upset about reported inauguration crowd size. And he claimed again that 3-5 million illegal votes cost him the popular vote.
Anyone out there still doubt the Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosis?

Trump administration ordered EPA to freeze all grants & contracts. Now can they toast decision with pitchers of Flint, Michigan water?

Voting and other consequences

January 19, 2017

Russell Westbrook left off as a starter for the NBA All-Star team?!. Ah for the days when inexplicable voting by Americans just impacted meaningless exhibition games.

Stanford has 11 players on rosters of the four teams left alive in this weekend’s NFL championship games.  The next closest school, Alabama, has 7.  #nerdnation

Trump has appointed Woody Johnson as his ambassador to Great Britain. So Johnson will do for America’s reputation in England what he’s done for the Jets?

Trump talking about huge crowds for inaugural concert .  Based on actual numbers even the Montreal Expos are giggling.

El Chapo has been extradited over to US. So will Trump name him Drug Czar?

 

Now GOP has set precedent hope Senate Dems feel justified not voting on any potential Supreme Court nominee. Only 1383 days to next election.

Trump doesn’t like PC, wonder why he didn’t ask the Stanford band to perform at inaugural – they could have played Yellow River.

So when Trump takes oath of office will he be saying “So help me, me.”?

Spokesman Sean Spicer says Trump’s incoming cabinet will have diversity. Yes, rich and richer.

Rumors are that Trump plans to privatize the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. So will PBS be replaced by “Trump TV?”

Rick Perry “After being briefed on so many of the vital functions of the Department of Energy, I regret recommending its elimination.”
Because, hey, don’t we all want to close things down when we have no idea what they do?

Donald and Melania Trump arrived at their inaugural concert to the music of the Rolling Stones’ “Heart of Stone.” #Truthinadvertising

Treasury secretary nominee Steven Mnuchin admitted in confirmation hearing today while he headed OneWest Bank, he now regrets kicking some people out of their homes. And one of the “”most troubling” of the foreclosures “was actually to the Octomom.”
At the Onion they are going, “that’s it, we quit. Can’t compete.”

Trump in a speech tonight, “Next time, four years from now, next time we’re going to win the old fashioned way.” As in without Russian help or by getting the most votes?

Nancy Sinatra, when asked how she felt about Trump using “My Way” for the first dance at his inaugural, responded, “Just remember the first line.” Three words “You go girl.”

(And now, the end is near, and so I face, the final curtain…..)

It’s not easy being green.

August 10, 2016

And now both an Olympic diving pool and swimming pool have turned green. Maybe we could have done with Michael Phelps’ saying that everyone pees in the pool.

 

So today the multi-millionaire NBA superstar players living on a secured luxury ship had a somewhat close win over a team with 2-3 NBA players living in dorm conditions. Ah, the Olympic dream. USA! USA! USA! ‪#‎USAvsAustralia‬.

Not sure the real explanation as to why the water in ‪#‎Olympics‬ diving pool is green.  But it’s one way to get divers out of the pool promptly post dive.

 

 

Nice showing by ‪#‎Switzerland‬ against ‪#‎USA‬ But really “beach volleyball” in Switzerland? Makes as much sense as ‪#‎AmericasCup‬ there. ‪#‎Rio2016‬

Can we stop referring to ‪#‎SFGiants‬ on 2nd & 3rd base as “Runners In Scoring Position.” It’s just getting cruel.

But today the Giants did manage to win 1-0 without a single hit with runners in scoring position.  (Crawford home run)

My day job is in the travel business. Somebody just sent me an invitation to become a Trump hotel specialist. Somebody doesn’t know me very well.

A partial power loss on the new light-rail line to Denver International Airport is causing delays. But I am sure the airlines will be as sympathetic to passengers as they expect travelers to be when carriers themselves have delays. ‪#‎Sarcasm‬

Let’s put what Trump said another way. What if Hillary Clinton stood up at a rally and said, “If we elect Donald Trump he will appoint judges to overturn Roe v. Wade. nothing you can do, ladies. Although you Second Amendment women, maybe there is, I don’t know….”
I’m sure the Donald would laugh it off.

 

One of many criticisms of Hillary Clinton is that she made money after leaving office, and now is running for President. Especially after when Giuliani, Romney, Jeb Bush all left office they never did anything for profit before they decided to run…. ‪#more‎sarcasm‬

So ‪#‎MaliaObama‬ might have smoked a joint at a Chicago concert. Kudos to @POTUS & @FLOTUS for raising a normal child.

Man arrested today for climbing ‪#‎TrumpTower‬. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to tweet ‪#‎TweetTower‬ has best climbers ever, better than Everest.

Donald Trump is blaming yet another controversy, the one involving “Second Amendment people” on the media. Yep, the dastardly media, who persist in reporting exactly what he says.

This text exchange just was revealed between two of Chris Christie’s top aides during the New Jersey Governor’s 2013 press conference about Bridgegate:
“Are you listening? He just flat out lied about senior staff and Stepien not being involved.”
“I’m listening. Gov is doing fine. Holding his own up there.”
“Yes. But he lied. And if emails are found with the subpoena or emails are uncovered in discovery if it comes to that it could be bad.”
Time for the GOP to start talking about Hillary’s emails again.

Bill Littlejohn reports that “Tim Tebow says he doesn’t want to be a ‘sideshow’ in baseball.Right–he’s not done being one in football”

In honor of Olympics, this post should be tape-delayed.

August 5, 2016

NBC not only tape delays ‪#‎Rio2016‬ they’re broadcasting at different times across US. Good luck if you talk to friends in other time zones.

 

Viewers unhappy at @NBC tape-delaying ‪#‎Rio2016‬ an hour w/ commercials. Except on West Coast ‪#‎OpeningCeremony‬ will be OVER before they start.

 

 

At least 3 NBA players in Rio were seen going into a brothel. Clearly Rio is not ready for the Olympics. Shouldn’t the groupies be in place by now?

A Moroccan boxer has been arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting two maids at the Olympic Village. And presumably also for stupidity – he couldn’t find thousands of women happy to sleep with an Olympic athlete?

The USA men’s and women’s basketball teams are staying on a luxury cruise ship docked in Rio, instead of at the Olympic Village where Andrew Bogut has tweeted about no shower curtains and bed issues.
Carmelo Anthony was asked about it “We have the same amenities as if we’re staying in a hotel, so I don’t really see what the (discussion is about). The beds are not big. The rooms are small. There’s some disadvantages to staying on the ship.” And Carmelo said all this with a straight face

Some Olympic swimmers have been practicing with snorkels as the water looks “cloudy.” So when the events begin will we see the first ever hazmat wetsuits?

Brazil has become the butt of jokes before the 2016 Olympics. ‪#‎ThirdWorldProblems‬. But then there’s the US, where NBC still won’t show events live. ‪#‎Firstworldproblems‬

The new head of ABC has vowed there will be more “diversity” on “The Bachelor.” So this means instead of blond and brunette men, they might go for a redhead?

The ‪#‎Yankees‬ have a press conference today about an impending retirement. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, it’s Mark Teixeira, not ‪#‎ARod‬

 –
Jeff Samardzija was almost looking like an ‪#‎AllStar‬, now looking like he should be pitching in ‪#‎AllStarGame‬ home run derby. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

 

Mike Henriques, the Oakland A’s strength and conditioning coach, was suspended for allegedly putting a hidden camera in the Coliseum weight room to spy on players. Well, and looking at the A’s record, a lot of good it did him.

 

Go ‪#‎redsox‬. But at some point ‪#‎Dodgers‬ losing has to stop being @SFGiants strategy for winning NLWest.

Scott Silverthorne, the mayor of Fairfax, VA, was arrested today for an alleged “meth-for-sex” scheme. SIlverthorne is also a substitute teacher. Wonder if he did his training in Albuquerque?

 

From my funny friend Jerry Perisho:  “There’s good news concerning the contaminated water at the Olympics in Rio. The Zika mosquitoes are dying of Dysentery.”

Tom Brady told reporters his decision finally to accept the NFL’s suspension was a “personal decision.” As in personally Brady figured he was spending more money on lawyers than he would lose in the suspension?

 

Here’s another commie pinko journalist attacking Donald Trump: “Here is a truth of life. When you act as if you’re insane, people are liable to think you’re insane…. There’s a clueless quality about him. It’s not that he doesn’t get advice; it’s that he can’t hear advice, can’t process it or turn it into action.”
The writer? Peggy Noonan.

 

The last line of an Los Angeles Times op-ed. Pass it on. The writer is Bernie Sanders: “I understand that many of my supporters are disappointed by the final results of the nominating process, but being despondent and inactive is not going to improve anything. Going forward and continuing the struggle is what matters. And, in that struggle, the most immediate task we face is to defeat Donald Trump.”