Posted tagged ‘NBA jokes’

Buying time.

June 22, 2017

LaVar Ball says that Lonzo will “take the Lakers to the playoffs in his first year.” So is he buying them tickets?

White Sox and Twins started a game after 4 hr & 50 min rain delay. 4 hours & 50 min!? That’s almost as long as average Red Sox Yankees game.

Derek Jeter apparently has told Major League Baseball he is looking for other investor as he still doesn’t have enough money to buy the Marlins.
Well, he can always make up the money in a year by charging Yankee Stadium beer prices.

Cubs sending struggling World Series star Kyle Schwarber to Triple-A. Can #SFGiants do that with (almost) their entire team?

 

In last week #SFGiants have had games where they scored, 8, 9 and 11 runs. And they lost all three.

Bill Cosby wants to do a series of town halls to tell young people how to avoid being charged with sexual assault. Step 1- become a big celebrity.

Los Angeles police arrested a man and his son for allegedly keeping 44 pounds of cocaine at their unlicensed day care. What was their first clue…. a really really bouncy house?

#PlannedParenthood defunded, coverage for Viagra remains. You’d almost think GOP #HeathcareBill was put together by old white men.

Since Trumpcare cuts Medicaid it’s a good thing that contraception is covered so fewer poor people will be born…. Oh wait, never mind.

A man from the Bronx was arrested yesterday at JFK Airport before he boarded a flight to Istanbul, allegedly to join ISIS. #Wearegoingtoneedabiggertravelban

Trump has chosen a site for his big DC re-election fundraiser- the Trump hotel. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.

Trump finally says there are no tapes on day GOP Trumpcare abomination bill is revealed. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

In Feb. #Trump gave a jobs speech at Boeing in South Carolina. Today, plant announced they would lay off 200. Surely this is Obama’s fault

 

Trump announced Jamie McCourt, former co-owner of the Los Angeles will be the U.S. ambassador to Belgium. Hasn’t the country suffered enough?

So time for one of my serious comments : Darryl Hamilton was killed two years ago yesterday, June 22, 2015, shot in a murder-suicide by an estranged ex-girlfriend, the mother of his youngest son. She had pleaded guilty in 2008 to felony arson for burning her ex-husband’s house down in 2006… after trying to douse him in gasoline. She received 10 years probation, which prohibited her from having a gun, but a judge terminated it early in 2010, so the weapon she used was legal.

Didn’t know Hamilton that well, but he was in my experience a thoughtful, funny really nice guy who liked talking sports AND politics.  Adored his kids.  Didn’t always adore United Airlines, though he was good humored about it –  a fun and down to earth client.  He was liked, even beloved by others in baseball who knew him well.  And his ex was clearly a disturbed woman.

Laws don’t prevent all crimes. But in this country it is way too damned easy to get a gun. Period. #whenwillweeverlearn

Where have all the flowers gone.

June 1, 2017

Though wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to let all the flowers in the #RoseGarden die before today’s Trump Paris Accord announcement?

Just heard someone on radio talking about this year’s NBA Finals being “World War 3.”. Perspective anyone?

So just how bad is the NBA Eastern conference this year?  #NBAFinals

Mr. Met is back on the field a day after giving the finger to a fan. He apparently is being cheered. Perhaps mostly by fans who want him to make the same gesture to the 2017 team itself.

Mr. Met was so frustrated by team’s season he flipped off fans. How long until SFGiants put mittens on mascot Lou Seal. #SFGiants #Mets

United Airlines  is starting the world’s longest flight 18 hours from Los Angeles to Singapore. Frequent travelers wonder how long until some baby sets a record for the world’s longest mid-air crying jag.

Reports are that Jeb Bush left Derek Jeter’s group trying to buy the Marlins over a dispute over who would be the ‘control person.” How silly. Why wouldn’t one of the best baseball players of our era want to yield power over a team to a man who did such a good job managing his own campaign to be President?

Think Trump might have stayed in the Paris Accord if they had only tweaked it to call it the Trump Accord.

Clearly big reason Trump pulling out of #Parisaccord is it was an Obama win. Would be better for US if he just peed on White House drapes.

So after the #RoseGarden ceremony pulling the US out of #ParisAgreement did @realDonaldTrump serve Ivanka’s champagne popsicles?

Trump on Paris Accord “we will start to renegotiate and we’ll see if there’s a better deal. If we can, great. If we can’t, that’s fine.” Translation,”I’ll be dead in 20 years, WTF do I care about the future of the planet.”

Trump tweet “My job as Pres is to do everything w/in my power to give America level playing field.” Including putting the field under water?

But here’s a crazy liberal heard from on Twitter – Lloyd Blankfein with his first tweet:    – “Today’s decision is a setback for the environment and for the U.S.’s leadership position in the world.

Blankfein is President of Goldman Sachs.

The @weatherchannel is trolling Trump after his Paris Accord decision. Standby for #fakeweather tweets in 3.2.1…

GOP Rep. Tim Walberg says “God will take care of climate change.” Like he took care of the dinosaurs and Noah?

Trump “I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.” Uh, does he have a clue on their current economy?   Or their voting patterns?

Results for 2016 Presidential elections – Allegheny County, PA – @HillaryClinton 363,017, @realDonaldTrump 257,488. #Pittsburgh

Waiting for Trump tweet condemning noose found in Museum of African American History. Or does hate only count if directed against him?

While some in GOP mock Hillary for making excuses why she lost, they don’t mind Trump’s claim he lost popular vote due to illegals? #WTF.

So just checking, Trump DOES know that #ParisAccord isn’t a Honda car made in France?

Kathy Griffin got Trump so upset he actually talked about his son Barron. How far does someone have to go before he talks about Tiffany?

The boys of almost summer?

June 1, 2017

(oops, this post was delayed. I blame Trump.)

 

By Thursday night, wonder how many casual sports fans will remember who’s playing in the NBA finals.

 

This eternal break before the NBA Finals is making many sports fans long for the excitement of Super Bowl week.

Michael Morse is now on the 7-day concussion DL after running into  Jeff Samardzija during Strickland Harper brawl. Now who’s complaining Posey stayed put?. @SFGiants

Adam Silver thinks LaVar Ball “will settle down” once his son, Lonzo is drafted. Right, like Trump was going to become “presidential.”

Prosecutors drop charges for man who threw catfish onto Pittsburgh ice in game of of the Stanley Cup Finals.  Now . Pirates want to interview him for bullpen

Southwest is testing a faster deplaning process that will allow passengers to leave the plane through both forward and rear doors. Wonder if United is testing a variation where they just throw you off along with your luggage?

In Wisconsin, the GOP wants to scrap required concealed carry permits, citing $40 fee & the training required as  hassles for gun-owners. These are the same legislature who  want to make it harder to vote.    WTF?

#Covfefe or not covfefe, that is the question.

Spicer on “covfefe”   -. “The president & a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” So “small group of people”=”voices inside his head?

Whatever #covfefe is we can be sure that it’s Obama’s fault. Or Hillary’s.

#KathyGriffin‘s stunt was disgusting. But so were all lynching images of President Obama. Condemnation if real should be bipartisan. Period.

So pulling out will be Donald Trump’s response to climate change? Alas, that’s his same response for women needing birth control.

Donald Trump Jr.  tweeting about Kathy Griffin’s tasteless attempt at a joke.  “And I’m counting down having to explain it to my 8 and 10 year olds who I’m sure will see/hear about it at school. “
Doesn’t sound fun. Kind of like trying to explain to the children that their grandfather wasn’t really trying to grab women’s kittens.

 

Trump tweeted “I will be announcing my decision on the Paris Accord Thursday at 3:00pm. The White House Rose Garden.  Make America Great Again.”

Someone has told this man the Presidency is not a reality TV show?

Reports of demise of  Blackberry phones have been greatly exaggerated. The new Keyone released today already sold out and on backorder.

Question of the day directed at Sean Spicer from a reporter: Obviously [Griffin’s] conduct has been widely condemned, and it’s not a partisan thing to say joking about violence toward the president is unacceptable. But on that note, I wanted to ask about Ted Nugent, who joked multiple times about assassinating President Barack Obama, who said Hillary Clinton should be hanged. He was invited to the White House for dinner by President Trump. Do you believe that was appropriate? And if Trump is offended by this incident, why was he not bothered by all of Mr. Nugent’s comments?”
Guess this is why Trump wants to eliminate press conferences.

 

Meanwhile…. back in sports. Lebron after someone spray-painted racial slurs on his house. “As I sit here on the eve of one of the greatest events we have in sports, race and what’s going on comes again.”On my behalf and my family’s behalf, I look at it like this: if this is going to shed a light and continue the conversation, then I’m OK with it, My family is safe, and that’s the most important. Just goes to show that racism will always be a part of the world, a part of America. Hate in America for African-Americans is living every day, even though it’s concealed most of the time.
Emmett Till’s mom, actually, one of the things I thought of, one of the reasons she had an open casket was so that people could see what he went through as a victim of a hate crime. No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough. We got a long way to go, for us as a society, and for us as African-Americans, until we feel equal in America.”

Icy hot.

May 25, 2017

What a shock to anyone who’s been watching the NBA playoffs.  Not only did the Senators-Penguins go 7 games, they were actually mostly good games.  Like much of the NHL playoffs. Close games…you can do that?

 

So once again, Canada doesn’t have a team in the Stanley Cup finals. But they still have Justin Trudeau. We in US might trade….

Former NBA player Rashad McCants said dating a Kardashian (Khloe) wrecked his NBA career. And other NBA players who’ve screwed up their lives with Kardashians are going “Who?”

 

A California woman is suing Jelly Belly, claiming she didn’t know their “sport” jelly beans. contain sugar. Once again, an illustration that Shakespeare was ahead of his time – ‘First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

And on another lighter note, a Florida woman was arrested for assaulting her ex by throwing pork fried rice at him. Hmm, maybe, not such a light note.  Fried rice can be heavy.

New White House motto. “If the President does it it’s not leaking?

Happy #NationalWineDay. Of course, since January 20, 2017, many Americans especially women consider EVERY day #NationalWineDay

 

US Appeals court in Richmond ruled against Trump’s revised travel ban Can’t wait to hear Sessions refer to Richmond as “island in Virginia.”

Starting to feel old. I remember when home runs didn’t have “launch angles.”

Major score in Trump insult bingo for those who had “all NATO countries.”

Trump standing next to Angela Merkel and lecturing European leaders: “You have thousands and thousands of people pouring into our various countries, and spreading throughout, and in many cases we have no idea who they are. The NATO of the future must include a great focus on terrorism and immigration,..”
Except the Manchester bomber was British-born….

If we’re worried about immigrants but also want immigrants & minorities to “report any suspicious activity” it seems to me we have a problem.

Will GOP take assault off list of reasons to deport immigrants? Because it’s clearly now okay if someone p*sses you off. #IOKIYR #Gianforte

 

Gianforte win is quite a change, usually candidates wait until after they are elected to get arrested.

National GOP Congressional Committee Chairman Steve Stivers “From what “From what I know of Greg Gianforte, this was totally out of character, but we all make mistakes.”
Well, guess since actual violence was involved Stivers couldn’t just call it “locker room banter.”

Home Depot co-founder Ken Langone “Hell, people use food stamps to buy marijuana — that’s illegal — or cocaine, or whatever the hell else people use to get high.”
Begging the question – “What is Langone smoking?”

If Gianforte wins & goes to DC instead of jail, can we somehow start intraparty fight between him & Ted Cruz.  Cruz? #payperview #passthepopcorn

 

From T.C.  Prez of Montenegro lucky he wasn’t Bodyslammed. They must have paid their NATO “dues”.

Uncovered

May 4, 2017

Now, George Hill, Utah’s point guard and second best score, is out.  If this Warriors-Jazz series was a prize fight they would stop it.

The SF Giants had an off day today after flying for tomorrow’s game against the Reds. Assume manager Bruce Bochy told them all to sit in their Cincinnati hotel and order room service?

LaVar Ball’s Big Baller Brand has just released their Lonzo Ball signature first shoe – “ZO2: Prime.” for $495, about 3 times the price of many NBA stars’ shoes from Nike, Adidas etc.
So does the shoe come with a shirt for your significant other saying “I’m with stupid?”

OK, as of 8:30am Friday in London. Americans could stop worrying about news from #BuckinghamPalace & go back to worrying about next @realDonaldTrump tweet.

#PrincePhilip is retiring. From what?

Can BuckinghamPalace send out another teaser tonight, maybe one of the Queen’s corgis had puppies? We Americans need the distraction.

#JayCutler is apparently trying to become an NFL broadcaster. So instead of “Mic drop” will it be “mic intercept?”

Trump – “No American should be forced to choose between dictates of federal govt & tenets of their faith.” So that includes Muslims?

Some uproar with new book saying Barack Obama proposed to another woman before Michelle. Meanwhile Trump married 2 others before Melania.

An Ohio teacher was fired after a photo showed her dragging a child down a school hallway. So maybe she really wants to work for United Airlines?

A man on an ANA flight from Tokyo to Sydney requested gluten-free meals and for breakfast was served, a banana. US airlines are thinking “And the point is…?

People Magazine reports that Casey Anthony is “bored out of her mind.” “I feel so sorry for her,” said nobody.

Who says women don’t know sports? Greta Van Susteren on #AHCA “It’s like claiming victory in a football game at end of 1st quarter or half.”

All I can figure with GOP house members voting for Trumpcare is they just hope those it hurts die before next election.

 

Americans w/ mental health issues will have a harder time getting healthcare but easier time getting guns. What could possibly go wrong?

 

Would any adult who doesn’t have SOME preexisting condition please stand up? #IAmAPreexistingCondition

All Senate needs to do to kill Trumpcare is introduce an amendment saying all members of Congress must use it for healthcare.

Thanks to Senator Sherrod Brown of Ohio for pointing these out. But hey, if you live a good life you shouldn’t have any of them, right?
“Pre-existing conditions in the new healthcare bill include: AIDS/HIV, acid reflux, acne, ADD, addiction, Alzheimer’s/dementia, anemia, aneurysm, angioplasty, anorexia, anxiety, arrhythmia, arthritis, asthma, atrial fibrillation, autism, bariatric surgery, basal cell carcinoma, bipolar disorder, blood clot, breast cancer, bulimia, bypass surgery, celiac disease, cerebral aneurysm, cerebral embolism, cerebral palsy, cerebral thrombosis, cervical cancer, colon cancer, colon polyps, congestive heart failure, COPD, Crohn’s disease, cystic fibrosis, DMD, depression, diabetes, disabilities, Down syndrome, eating disorder, enlarged prostate, epilepsy, glaucoma, gout, heart disease, heart murmur, heartburn, hemophilia, hepatitis C, herpes, high cholesterol, hypertension, hysterectomy, kidney disease, kidney stones, kidney transplant, leukemia, lung cancer, lupus, lymphoma, mental health issues, migraines, MS, muscular dystrophy, narcolepsy, nasal polyps, obesity, OCD, organ transplant, osteoporosis, pacemaker, panic disorder, paralysis, paraplegia, Parkinson’s disease, pregnancy, restless leg syndrome, schizophrenia, seasonal affective disorder, seizures, sickle cell disease, skin cancer, sleep apnea, sleep disorders, stent, stroke, thyroid issues, tooth disease, tuberculosis, and ulcers. To name a few. “

Is that a squirrel on the field?

April 18, 2017

If you are a fan of sports and politics,  Tuesday night was a time for serious temporary ADHD.  NBA playoffs, NHL playoffs, baseball and the Georgia special election.

For the SF Giants returning to Kansas City for the first time since 2014 playoffs,  the question of the night as the game moved at 1-1 towards extra innings – could they pinch hit Madbum?

MLB umpires apparently will soon be miked to explain replays. So much for the 30 seconds baseball saved with not having to throw four balls for an intentional walk.

Carmelo Anthony, who is divorcing his wife La La, reportedly got a gentlemen’s club dancer pregnant while he was married. A shame, but in New York Melo never really seems to have scored to help the team.

 

Now  what is happening in #NBAPlayoffs2017? #Celtics trying to wrest title from #Cavs as league’s most overrated team?

Adidas apologized for sending an email to customers “Congrats, you survived the Boston Marathon!” Did they hire PR team from Pepsi?

 

AP: On day Ivanka dined w/ Pres. of China. her company won approval from Chinese govt for 3 new trademarks. Am sure it’s just coincidence.

Apparently Fox is going to dump Bill O’Reilly.  Over-under on when O’Reilly accepts a position in the Trump administration?

Donald Trump signed EO today telling federal agencies to implement the “Buy American, Hire American” policies.
So when will he and Ivanka start doing this at say, Mar-A-Lago and her clothing company.

CNN reports that the  White House and Pentagon miscommunicated on an aircraft carrier’s location,  as the White House said it was heading towards North Korea, when the Carl Vinson was really heading toward the Indian Ocean.

I think I like not being able to find a battleship better when it’s a children’s game.

 

Even in the South, the times, and tastes, they are a changin…. While reading about the Georgia special election in the local Atlanta Journal Constitution, saw an item that a local grilled cheese restaurant is closing, to be replaced by a Poké Bar. And it doesn’t even sell fried poké.

 

 

Marc Ragovin  “hears that United Airlines’ engineers are designing a plane that will reduce drag.”

Serious note, Facebook killer shot himself. Shame he did murder-suicide in reverse order. But don’t post his name. Post the victim’s  Robert Godwin..

 

Ouch

April 17, 2017

SF Giants AAA reliever Kyle Crick sustained a concussion in dugout when hit by a foul ball. Was he texting Jeremy Affeldt at the time?

Just guessing that there aren’t going to be that many game 7s in the first round of the NBA playoffs.

 

If anyone thinks Spurs are boring to watch, they don’t know basketball. And they certainly haven’t watched Kawhi Leonard

Rape allegations against former 49er Ray McDonald have been dropped after the alleged victim refused to testify. Well, no doubt she had her rea$on$.

Boeing announces layoffs of hundreds of engineers, after 1800+ “voluntary layoffs.” in March.   Missed Trump tweet taking credit. #Jobsjobsjobs!

Weeks after a bridge in Atlanta collapsed, another major highway is closed because an underground gas leak caused the fast lane to buckle. But hey, Georgia’s GOP-controlled legislature just passed an income tax cut. Who needs roads? #letthemtakeprivatesplanes

New Supreme Court Justice Gorsuch asked many questions during oral arguments today. Clarence Thomas – “you can do that?

Trump  when asked for his message today for North Korea. “They have to behave.” “Back at ya” said most of the world now to the US.

A Southwest Airlines pilot was arrested at Albany Airport for having a loaded gun in his carry-on at a TSA check point. I think I see a new United Airlines marketing campaign – “We might beat you up but we won’t shoot you.”

Trump tweeted recommendation today for book “Reasons to vote for Democrats.” The blank book is $9.95. is author giving him cut of profits?

Mike Pence “We’re going to abandon the failed policy of strategic patience” with North Korea. Anyone but me think “having avoided Nuclear war” is not necessarily a failed policy?

A dying Oregon man apparently passed away happy  after his ex-wife, who he was friendly enough with, told him Donald Trump had been impeached. #Thatswhatfriendsarefor

Trump robocall for the Georgia special election; “If you don’t vote tomorrow Ossoff will raise your taxes, destroy your healthcare and flood our country with illegal immigrants.”
Hmm, considering the GOP would still have a solid House majority Jon Ossoff must be a powerful man indeed.