Posted tagged ‘NBA jokes’

Not so big ballers.

November 15, 2017

No way was China putting American basketball players in jail for 10 years. If NBA pulled their shoe factories would put tens of thousands of Chinese children out of work.

 

UCLA coach Steve Alford suspended 3 players caught shoplifting, they “will use this time to focus on their academics.” Players thinking-“what are academics?”

Without the three suspended players UCLA did pull out a win. In overtime. Against Central Arkansas.  So will the suspension be two or three games?

 

Hal Steinbrenner said he would have still fired Joe Girardi had Yankees won World Series. Even George would have thought that a bit harsh.

Ezekiel Elliott has withdrawn appeal & will serve his suspension. Which coincidentally will get him back just in time for playoffs. #Cowboys

Wouldn’t it be nice if the good citizens of Alabama surprise us and give #DougJones a resounding victory on Dec. 12?

In Tulsa a 26-year-old Democrat upset an incumbent GOP State Senator. Did I mention she is a woman.  Who is lesbian. Who has an African-American wife…. Oklahoma fabulously OK.

 

Trump  – America’s “‘standing’ has never been stronger than it is right now.” To quote Princess Bride, “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

Whole Foods/Amazon announced they’re lowering Thanksgiving prices. So this year you can finance your turkey without taking out a 2nd mortgage.

Charles Manson reportedly in “grave condition.” What a shame said absolutely, positively, nobody.

Pretty clear #CharlesManson has only lasted as long as he has because the devil doesn’t want him either.

Senate bill will eliminate taxes on management fee taxes paid by private jet owners. Finally, some serious middle-class tax relief.

Some saying in light of #RoyMoore situation we’re letting Bill Clinton get off too easy on assault allegations. Think Dems might change role of Bill in party now if GOP would change role of Trump.

 

#RoyMoore‘s lawyer, the allegations are “incredibly, incredibly, painful for him, his wife, his mom, his daughter, his grandchildren.” Uh, those girls are and/or were someone’s “wives, moms, daughter and grandchildren.”

Trump is now overturning Obama’s ban on importing elephant & rhino trophies. Normally a pacifist but about ready to throw something at next person who says Hillary & Trump were no different.

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Fly the foul?

October 18, 2017

Well, Eric Cooper’s “foul ball” call on a swinging strike three ought to do wonders for  conspiracy theorists who believe Fox wants Dodgers and Yankees  in World Series? #WTF?

Fumble call on NY Jets in Patriots game called the worst officiating mistake of the year. Eric Cooper “Hold my beer.” @Cubs

Non-political wisdom from Gregg Popovich, on LaMarcus Aldridge “I was trying to teach him before I learned him.”

Lebron James’ new Nike jersey didn’t even make it through one game intact, as the back of the jersey split. But to be fair, Nike paid about $1 billion for eight years to be NBA official supplier. Not like there was much money left to actually spend on the uniforms.

The prospect of a #Yankees #Dodgers World Series is as appealing as the #USC #NotreDame game. If it happens can they both lose?

Bulls’ Bobby Portis suspended 8 gms for punching teammate, causing facial fractures. On bright side will he be offered tryout w/ Chicago Bears?

Billy Joel, 68 & his 4th wife, Alexis Roderick, are expecting a child. So will he endorse a new line of father-baby diapers?

New poll found 46% of voters believe media make up stories about Trump. How many of those think #FakeNews stories make Trump look BETTER?

Not a coincidence that @realDonaldTrump is first President in modern memory who doesn’t have a White House pet.

Wonder if all these conspiracy rumors about a Melania body-double have given @FLOTUS ideas?

5 people shot at office park in Maryland. Move along, nothing to see here. At least until we learn suspect’s religion & immigration status.

But guess another mass shooting  means we have to reset the clock on not being able to talk about gun control.

So if  Washington Post is #FakeNews how come the check Trump promised a Gold Star father was just sent today after their story broke?

Whoever thought we’d miss Sean Spicer?

10 days after fires started, Trump finally tweets about California Wildfires. Will he next tweet plans to meet w/ President of California?

Could have been worse. Trump could have told LaDavid Johnson’s widow  “At least he didn’t get captured, I don’t like people who get captured.”

 

I wonder if Trump showed more empathy to families of the victims of the Bowling Green Massacre?

Changing seasons.

October 17, 2017

NBA regular season basketball is back tonight. Which means we’re only about 6 months away from meaningful games.

Meanwhile, Cubs looking like a team less interested in a possible second ring ceremony than vacation.

Will Trump claim Warriors lost opening night because he dis-invited them from White House?

Guess the Warriors are not going to go 82-0 this year.

Anthem protests? Or teams not worth watching? This from USA Today: “The New Orleans defense SCORED three touchdowns in Week 6. Eighteen of the 28 offenses in action during Week 6 couldn’t make similar claim.”

Titans Colts on MNF had lowest of season. Could be anthem issue. More likely competition from  Yankees-Astros.  And 2 lousy small market NFL teams.

If this postseason shows us anything it’s that 2016 #SFGiants bullpen may not have been good, but misery has a lot of company.

(Haven’t watched Astros regularly this season but also got to wonder, why pull McCullers after only 81 pitches and 1 run? #ALCS)

 

Imagining  Trump telling Jacqueline Kennedy “Your husband knew what he signed up for when he went to Dallas.

So wonder if Trump has told John Kelly his son “knew what he signed up for?”

Sociopaths do not feel empathy.

Defense Department investigating mission that led to deaths of 4 US soldiers in Niger. Will be interesting to see how they pin it on Hillary.

All these folks saying they wished they’d spoken up sooner about Weinstein. So there are NO other predators in Hollywood? Speak up on them.

Trump on his lie that we are the highest taxed nation in the world. “People know exactly what I’m talking about, and in many cases they think I’m right when I say the highest.”
Right, and the #FakeNews keeps reporting those pesky real facts.

Tom Marino withdrew as drug czar after WAPO/ 60Min story his bill helped put more opioids into struggling communities. #Notsofakenews?

A NJ teacher reportedly told her that t U.S. soldiers “are not fighting for your right to speak Spanish. They are fighting for your right to speak American.”
Uh, didn’t we actually fight a big war once against the people who gave us the language she called American?

“I still believe people are good at heart.”  (Anne Frank)  Have to think many Americans didn’t know what they were signing up for when they voted in Nov.

Trump is not happy with John McCain after the Senator’s speech repudiating “half-baked, spurious nationalism cooked up by people who would rather find scapegoats than solve problems.”
“People have to be careful because at some point I fight back I’m being very nice. I’m being very, very nice. But at some point I fight back, and it won’t be pretty.
Responding to Trump’s threat, McCain bluntly told reporters Tuesday: “I’ve faced far greater challenges than this.”
We’re going to need a stronger word than “deplorable.”

Buying time.

June 22, 2017

LaVar Ball says that Lonzo will “take the Lakers to the playoffs in his first year.” So is he buying them tickets?

White Sox and Twins started a game after 4 hr & 50 min rain delay. 4 hours & 50 min!? That’s almost as long as average Red Sox Yankees game.

Derek Jeter apparently has told Major League Baseball he is looking for other investor as he still doesn’t have enough money to buy the Marlins.
Well, he can always make up the money in a year by charging Yankee Stadium beer prices.

Cubs sending struggling World Series star Kyle Schwarber to Triple-A. Can #SFGiants do that with (almost) their entire team?

 

In last week #SFGiants have had games where they scored, 8, 9 and 11 runs. And they lost all three.

Bill Cosby wants to do a series of town halls to tell young people how to avoid being charged with sexual assault. Step 1- become a big celebrity.

Los Angeles police arrested a man and his son for allegedly keeping 44 pounds of cocaine at their unlicensed day care. What was their first clue…. a really really bouncy house?

#PlannedParenthood defunded, coverage for Viagra remains. You’d almost think GOP #HeathcareBill was put together by old white men.

Since Trumpcare cuts Medicaid it’s a good thing that contraception is covered so fewer poor people will be born…. Oh wait, never mind.

A man from the Bronx was arrested yesterday at JFK Airport before he boarded a flight to Istanbul, allegedly to join ISIS. #Wearegoingtoneedabiggertravelban

Trump has chosen a site for his big DC re-election fundraiser- the Trump hotel. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.

Trump finally says there are no tapes on day GOP Trumpcare abomination bill is revealed. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

In Feb. #Trump gave a jobs speech at Boeing in South Carolina. Today, plant announced they would lay off 200. Surely this is Obama’s fault

 

Trump announced Jamie McCourt, former co-owner of the Los Angeles will be the U.S. ambassador to Belgium. Hasn’t the country suffered enough?

So time for one of my serious comments : Darryl Hamilton was killed two years ago yesterday, June 22, 2015, shot in a murder-suicide by an estranged ex-girlfriend, the mother of his youngest son. She had pleaded guilty in 2008 to felony arson for burning her ex-husband’s house down in 2006… after trying to douse him in gasoline. She received 10 years probation, which prohibited her from having a gun, but a judge terminated it early in 2010, so the weapon she used was legal.

Didn’t know Hamilton that well, but he was in my experience a thoughtful, funny really nice guy who liked talking sports AND politics.  Adored his kids.  Didn’t always adore United Airlines, though he was good humored about it –  a fun and down to earth client.  He was liked, even beloved by others in baseball who knew him well.  And his ex was clearly a disturbed woman.

Laws don’t prevent all crimes. But in this country it is way too damned easy to get a gun. Period. #whenwillweeverlearn

Where have all the flowers gone.

June 1, 2017

Though wouldn’t it have been more appropriate to let all the flowers in the #RoseGarden die before today’s Trump Paris Accord announcement?

Just heard someone on radio talking about this year’s NBA Finals being “World War 3.”. Perspective anyone?

So just how bad is the NBA Eastern conference this year?  #NBAFinals

Mr. Met is back on the field a day after giving the finger to a fan. He apparently is being cheered. Perhaps mostly by fans who want him to make the same gesture to the 2017 team itself.

Mr. Met was so frustrated by team’s season he flipped off fans. How long until SFGiants put mittens on mascot Lou Seal. #SFGiants #Mets

United Airlines  is starting the world’s longest flight 18 hours from Los Angeles to Singapore. Frequent travelers wonder how long until some baby sets a record for the world’s longest mid-air crying jag.

Reports are that Jeb Bush left Derek Jeter’s group trying to buy the Marlins over a dispute over who would be the ‘control person.” How silly. Why wouldn’t one of the best baseball players of our era want to yield power over a team to a man who did such a good job managing his own campaign to be President?

Think Trump might have stayed in the Paris Accord if they had only tweaked it to call it the Trump Accord.

Clearly big reason Trump pulling out of #Parisaccord is it was an Obama win. Would be better for US if he just peed on White House drapes.

So after the #RoseGarden ceremony pulling the US out of #ParisAgreement did @realDonaldTrump serve Ivanka’s champagne popsicles?

Trump on Paris Accord “we will start to renegotiate and we’ll see if there’s a better deal. If we can, great. If we can’t, that’s fine.” Translation,”I’ll be dead in 20 years, WTF do I care about the future of the planet.”

Trump tweet “My job as Pres is to do everything w/in my power to give America level playing field.” Including putting the field under water?

But here’s a crazy liberal heard from on Twitter – Lloyd Blankfein with his first tweet:    – “Today’s decision is a setback for the environment and for the U.S.’s leadership position in the world.

Blankfein is President of Goldman Sachs.

The @weatherchannel is trolling Trump after his Paris Accord decision. Standby for #fakeweather tweets in 3.2.1…

GOP Rep. Tim Walberg says “God will take care of climate change.” Like he took care of the dinosaurs and Noah?

Trump “I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris.” Uh, does he have a clue on their current economy?   Or their voting patterns?

Results for 2016 Presidential elections – Allegheny County, PA – @HillaryClinton 363,017, @realDonaldTrump 257,488. #Pittsburgh

Waiting for Trump tweet condemning noose found in Museum of African American History. Or does hate only count if directed against him?

While some in GOP mock Hillary for making excuses why she lost, they don’t mind Trump’s claim he lost popular vote due to illegals? #WTF.

So just checking, Trump DOES know that #ParisAccord isn’t a Honda car made in France?

Kathy Griffin got Trump so upset he actually talked about his son Barron. How far does someone have to go before he talks about Tiffany?

The boys of almost summer?

June 1, 2017

(oops, this post was delayed. I blame Trump.)

 

By Thursday night, wonder how many casual sports fans will remember who’s playing in the NBA finals.

 

This eternal break before the NBA Finals is making many sports fans long for the excitement of Super Bowl week.

Michael Morse is now on the 7-day concussion DL after running into  Jeff Samardzija during Strickland Harper brawl. Now who’s complaining Posey stayed put?. @SFGiants

Adam Silver thinks LaVar Ball “will settle down” once his son, Lonzo is drafted. Right, like Trump was going to become “presidential.”

Prosecutors drop charges for man who threw catfish onto Pittsburgh ice in game of of the Stanley Cup Finals.  Now . Pirates want to interview him for bullpen

Southwest is testing a faster deplaning process that will allow passengers to leave the plane through both forward and rear doors. Wonder if United is testing a variation where they just throw you off along with your luggage?

In Wisconsin, the GOP wants to scrap required concealed carry permits, citing $40 fee & the training required as  hassles for gun-owners. These are the same legislature who  want to make it harder to vote.    WTF?

#Covfefe or not covfefe, that is the question.

Spicer on “covfefe”   -. “The president & a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” So “small group of people”=”voices inside his head?

Whatever #covfefe is we can be sure that it’s Obama’s fault. Or Hillary’s.

#KathyGriffin‘s stunt was disgusting. But so were all lynching images of President Obama. Condemnation if real should be bipartisan. Period.

So pulling out will be Donald Trump’s response to climate change? Alas, that’s his same response for women needing birth control.

Donald Trump Jr.  tweeting about Kathy Griffin’s tasteless attempt at a joke.  “And I’m counting down having to explain it to my 8 and 10 year olds who I’m sure will see/hear about it at school. “
Doesn’t sound fun. Kind of like trying to explain to the children that their grandfather wasn’t really trying to grab women’s kittens.

 

Trump tweeted “I will be announcing my decision on the Paris Accord Thursday at 3:00pm. The White House Rose Garden.  Make America Great Again.”

Someone has told this man the Presidency is not a reality TV show?

Reports of demise of  Blackberry phones have been greatly exaggerated. The new Keyone released today already sold out and on backorder.

Question of the day directed at Sean Spicer from a reporter: Obviously [Griffin’s] conduct has been widely condemned, and it’s not a partisan thing to say joking about violence toward the president is unacceptable. But on that note, I wanted to ask about Ted Nugent, who joked multiple times about assassinating President Barack Obama, who said Hillary Clinton should be hanged. He was invited to the White House for dinner by President Trump. Do you believe that was appropriate? And if Trump is offended by this incident, why was he not bothered by all of Mr. Nugent’s comments?”
Guess this is why Trump wants to eliminate press conferences.

 

Meanwhile…. back in sports. Lebron after someone spray-painted racial slurs on his house. “As I sit here on the eve of one of the greatest events we have in sports, race and what’s going on comes again.”On my behalf and my family’s behalf, I look at it like this: if this is going to shed a light and continue the conversation, then I’m OK with it, My family is safe, and that’s the most important. Just goes to show that racism will always be a part of the world, a part of America. Hate in America for African-Americans is living every day, even though it’s concealed most of the time.
Emmett Till’s mom, actually, one of the things I thought of, one of the reasons she had an open casket was so that people could see what he went through as a victim of a hate crime. No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough. We got a long way to go, for us as a society, and for us as African-Americans, until we feel equal in America.”

Icy hot.

May 25, 2017

What a shock to anyone who’s been watching the NBA playoffs.  Not only did the Senators-Penguins go 7 games, they were actually mostly good games.  Like much of the NHL playoffs. Close games…you can do that?

 

So once again, Canada doesn’t have a team in the Stanley Cup finals. But they still have Justin Trudeau. We in US might trade….

Former NBA player Rashad McCants said dating a Kardashian (Khloe) wrecked his NBA career. And other NBA players who’ve screwed up their lives with Kardashians are going “Who?”

 

A California woman is suing Jelly Belly, claiming she didn’t know their “sport” jelly beans. contain sugar. Once again, an illustration that Shakespeare was ahead of his time – ‘First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”

And on another lighter note, a Florida woman was arrested for assaulting her ex by throwing pork fried rice at him. Hmm, maybe, not such a light note.  Fried rice can be heavy.

New White House motto. “If the President does it it’s not leaking?

Happy #NationalWineDay. Of course, since January 20, 2017, many Americans especially women consider EVERY day #NationalWineDay

 

US Appeals court in Richmond ruled against Trump’s revised travel ban Can’t wait to hear Sessions refer to Richmond as “island in Virginia.”

Starting to feel old. I remember when home runs didn’t have “launch angles.”

Major score in Trump insult bingo for those who had “all NATO countries.”

Trump standing next to Angela Merkel and lecturing European leaders: “You have thousands and thousands of people pouring into our various countries, and spreading throughout, and in many cases we have no idea who they are. The NATO of the future must include a great focus on terrorism and immigration,..”
Except the Manchester bomber was British-born….

If we’re worried about immigrants but also want immigrants & minorities to “report any suspicious activity” it seems to me we have a problem.

Will GOP take assault off list of reasons to deport immigrants? Because it’s clearly now okay if someone p*sses you off. #IOKIYR #Gianforte

 

Gianforte win is quite a change, usually candidates wait until after they are elected to get arrested.

National GOP Congressional Committee Chairman Steve Stivers “From what “From what I know of Greg Gianforte, this was totally out of character, but we all make mistakes.”
Well, guess since actual violence was involved Stivers couldn’t just call it “locker room banter.”

Home Depot co-founder Ken Langone “Hell, people use food stamps to buy marijuana — that’s illegal — or cocaine, or whatever the hell else people use to get high.”
Begging the question – “What is Langone smoking?”

If Gianforte wins & goes to DC instead of jail, can we somehow start intraparty fight between him & Ted Cruz.  Cruz? #payperview #passthepopcorn

 

From T.C.  Prez of Montenegro lucky he wasn’t Bodyslammed. They must have paid their NATO “dues”.