Posted tagged ‘All-Star Game jokes’
February 18, 2017
Uh oh, now it’s Draymond Green When asked if he, like Kyrie Irving, believes the world to be flat, Green replied, “I don’t know. I haven’t done enough research. But it may be flat.”
Speaking of research, maybe it wasn’t just the NFL that should have been paying attention to concussions?
Kyrie Irving came in second to Eric Gordon in the NBA All-Star 3 point shooting contest. That damn curvature of the earth strikes again.
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Lebron James “Kyrie is my little brother. If he decides the earth is flat, that’s okay.”
Uh, isn’t one of the jobs of a big brother to tell a little brother when he’s being stupid?
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Kyrie Irving is questioning whether dinosaurs existed. Fool, he could have just asked Tim Duncan, who lived with them. @Spurs
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No spring training games, NBA and college basketball games don’t mean anything yet….this is the time of year when ABC’s Wide World of Sports used to give up and show cliff diving.
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Local NBC news talking about NBA All-Star weekend “The biggest party in the country is happening this weekend in New Orleans.” Excuse me, on most weekends, the biggest party in the country is happening in New Orleans.
According to Melbourne Police, 9,000 attendees at #TrumpRally today. 9,000?! Even Miami Marlins are thinking that’s a small crowd.
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Give Trump credit. How long has it been since most Americans were genuinely disappointed that SNL was taking a weekend off?
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Today is #NationalDrinkWineDay. Give @realDonaldTrump for increasingly at least one segment of retail sales.
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Spotted at Trump rally in Florida, one man with a t-shirt for the conspiracy site InfoWars, while another wore a “Grab America by the Pussy” shirt. #stayclassy
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Still attacking Hillary at #TrumpRally. Someone should tell this man that after winning, the true greats don’t keep dissing their opponents.
What is truly amazing is that a man who is basically a media creation views that media as the enemy.
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Now Trump is talking about the “Southern White House” Jefferson Davis must be so proud.
Trump said he “inherited a mess.” From USA Today “Jobs have been growing for 75 straight months — a record.” Well, he’ll fix that.
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#TrumpRally– “I am here because I want to be among my friends.” Anyone but me thinking someone should have given this man a puppy?
Trump says Obamacare is “a tragedy, a real tragedy.” Uh, no, Obamacare may be flawed; being without healthcare is a tragedy.
Categories: basketball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, All-Star jokes, Janice Hough, kyrie irving jokes, NBA jokes, trump rally jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 12, 2016
Tonight was David Ortiz’s last All-Star game as Big Papi is retiring. The Red Sox slugger could become even more beloved if he takes Joe Buck with him.
NL loses #AllStarGame again, along with home field advantage for #WorldSeries, after stranding 10. Clearly #Madbum should have pinch hit.
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Just thinking #JohnnyCueto may be regretting how well he bonded with his #KCRoyals teammates last year. #AllStarGame
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Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez said tonight he’d groove fastballs to David Ortiz in All-Star Game because “I want to see him hit a home run.”
Well, not like the game means anything… other than home field advantage in the World Series. #SMH
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Tim Duncan skipped his own retirement news conference today. But no doubt Kobe Bryant will soon call a press conference to discuss how it felt for him to play with Duncan.
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So now the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. has had to ask PokemonGO players to stop playing the game – in their museum. Maybe some of these idiots should be playing it instead in traffic.
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Another Tesla autopilot crash this weekend, this time nonfatal. The driver apparently reported that he did not have his hands on the wheel, and he did not hear warnings. But the car’s warnings are in English and he speaks Mandarin.
Beginning to think these cars should come with copies of the latest Darwin awards.
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The Black Panther Party says they are going to protest at the GOP convention, and “if it is an open state to carry we will exercise our Second Amendment rights because there are other groups threatening to be there that are threatening to do harm to us.”
Can’t wait for the NRA’s defense of gun rights on this one.
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#BernieSanders today “I have come here today not to talk about the past…” Who wrote his speech, Mark McGwire?
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A man identified only as “John Doe 150” said when he was 14 he told Joe Paterno about abuse by Jerry Sandusky and that the Penn State coach responded “‘I don’t want to hear about any of that kind of stuff, I have a football season to worry about?'”
Would be less awful if that hasn’t been the response of big-time college football and the NFL to most off-field issues..
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Fox News has suspended Newt Gingrich’s contract. “Due to the intense media speculation about Gingrich’s potential selection as Donald Trump’s V.P candidate, we felt it best to half his contributor role on the network to avoid all conflicts of interest that may arise.”
But until now, Newt has been “fair and balanced?” #SMH
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In Florida a woman was taken to the hospital for evaluation after she drove into a house and told police she was praying with her eyes closed. This is not I think what Carrie Underwood meant with #Jesustakethewheel.
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#BernieSanders didn’t exactly look thrilled to be on stage today with #HillaryClinton Maybe he and #ChrisChristie can form a support group.
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Donald Trump, upset about Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s negative comments about him, says she should leave the bench “as soon as possible.” Uh, if the Donald thinks Elizabeth Warren is aggravating wait until he starts really jousting with Notorious RBG. #passthepopcorn
Donald Trump on RBG “I think it’s highly inappropriate that a United States Supreme Court judge gets involved in a political campaign, frankly.” Right, they should wait until after the vote and then determine the result.
During a memorial for the slain Dallas police offices, which was also attended by George W. and Laura Bush, President Obama stated at one point ‘We flood communities with so many guns that it is easier for a teenager to buy a Glock than to get his hands on a computer.’
Obama was criticized by many conservative for being political. But none of them said he was wrong.
(maybe the President should have said, any teenager with a gun who wants a computer could easily steal one?)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, bernie jokes, Christie jokes, cueto jokes, Gingrich jokes, gun jokes, Janice Hough, pokemongo jokes, Trump jokes
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July 5, 2016
The FBI says they will not press charges against Hillary Clinton. Director James Comey says there was no “clear evidence” of intentional misconduct. So this will change exactly zero minds on Hillary’s guilt or innocence.
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FBI director James Comey did say Hillary Clinton was “extremely careless” but if GOP is going to condemn a lack of judgment with her emails
what about those Iraq WMDs?
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Until today, Republicans admired FBI director James Comey, like they used to admire judge Merrick Garland.
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FBI director James Comey said “‘no reasonable prosecutor” would bring a case against Clinton for emails. I am sure this will convince the GOP as they’ve reasonably only voted 60 times to repeal Obamacare.
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Paul Ryan tonight said the GOP will hold hearings on the FBI’s decision not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over the emails. Why don’t they run them along with another Benghazi hearing? Would save time.
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Just wondering how many Americans screaming about Hillary #Clinton‘s email server have any idea what an email server actually is.
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Now a drug- resistant bacteria has been found in the water off some of Rio’s most popular beaches. Well security at the Olympics may not be as big a problem as previously feared: if this keeps up even ISIL will be scared to go near the place.
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If Donald Trump wanted to tweet about real #RiggedSystem, he should have ignored Hillary’s emails & talked about #AllStarGame voting.
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More wins than any team in National League & only one position player in the #AllStarGame. But #SFGiants players need the rest anyway. (If the bullpen hadn’t blown 6 of 9 last saves they’d have more wins than any team in baseball.)
#SFGiants now take over the major league lead from the #Reds in blown saves. #notthetitleyouwant
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ESPN is devoting an hour to the MLB “Esurance All-Star Selection Show” tonight. An hour?! So where’s that hacker who leaked the March Madness brackets when we need him or her?
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#SFGiants need to trade for #NolanArenado someday if for no other reason than to keep him from batting against them.
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Best news for #SFGiants with #KevinDurant to #Warriors; even in even year, they’re not the SF Bay Area team most burdened w/ high expectations.
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The Alabama AD self-reported five violations for the 2015-16 academic year against their football team. The school said they were all “secondary violations,” which don’t lead to probation. Well of course, isn’t anything the Crimson Tide football teams do at most a secondary violation.
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To err is human, to really screw things up requires a computer. This is the response I got today on confirming a hotel night….in midtown Manhattan:
ROOM VIEW – OCEAN VIEW
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Apparently some parents were upset to find out that Hooters had sponsored a 3-day Cub Scout camp, and sent a few of their waitresses to volunteer. Even more upset, some fathers whose own Cub Scout volunteer days may now be over.
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Meanwhile, while some Americans freak out over terrorism, more than 60 people were shot in Chicago over the 4th of July weekend; four died.
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Clinton campaign statement on the FBI decision not to charge her over emails: “We are glad this matter is now resolved.”
Glad for no charges I can see, but “resolved?” Right, like Obama’s birth certificate, or Obamacare for that matter, ever was resolved with many in the GOP… #shecandream
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Donald Trump today on Saddam Hussein: “He was a bad guy — really bad guy. But you know what? He did well? He killed terrorists.”
Yeah, along with only maybe 250,000-500,000 Iraqis. #ThisIShimtryingtobePresidential
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Clinton jokes, email jokes, fbi jokes, james comey jokes, Janice Hough, MLB AllStar game jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 15, 2015
All those Los Angeles fans who were originally claiming that Clayton Kershaw wasn’t on the NL All Star team. Who knew, most of them were Angels fans with delusions of World Series /home field advantage grandeur?
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Now there’s no Major League Baseball for two more days. So the whole country gets to see what it’s like to be Phillies fans.
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Tiger Woods, rejecting retirement rumors at a news confererence at St. Andrews: “I know some of you guys think I’m buried and done, but I’m still right here in front of you.” Well, through Friday anyhow.
After Brittney Griner filed for annulment 28 days after their marriage, fellow WNBA player and soon to be ex-wife Glory Johnson is now asking for $20,000 a month in spousal support.
So yeah, who’s to say gay marriages aren’t equal to “straight” marriages? #messy
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There were fortunately no injuries when a British woman crashed her car into the back of a van while, as the Daily Mail put it, “pleasuring herself with a vibrator.” Hmm, seems like maybe there’s a potential extra-cost option to be added to those self-driving cars.
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Another rant: After the tragic murder of a young woman in SF, GOP House members are blasting the Obama administration. And they are working on legislation to prevent detained illegal immigrants with criminal records from being released in future.
Okay, fine. Now, while they’re at it, Kathryn Steinle was shot with a gun that had been stolen from a Federal agent earlier in the week. How about legislation to require tracking devices in guns similar to cellphones, which would also prevent murders from happening.
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Scott Walker – “The left claims that they’re for American workers and they’ve just got just really lame ideas — things like the minimum wage.”
Well, yeah, if Americans would just start out for say, $1 an hour, there’d be no problem with unemployment or off-shoring jobs….
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How bad does it have to be with Bill Cosby when his wife Camille is DEFENDING him by saying his alleged victims “consented” to taking drugs and having sex with him.
The Oklahoma GOP posted this on their FB page Tuesday..
“The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” Their stated reason for the policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”
Thus ends today’s lesson in irony ?#OKGOP”
Wednesday the post was taken down. Thus ends today’s lesson in thinking before you post on social media. #cantfixmean #cantfixstupid
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And back to the sport rants.
An Oakland As season ticket holder has filed a class-action lawsuit to force Major League Baseball to extend the safety netting at its ballparks the entire length of the foul lines, saying there are 1,750 injuries a year now at games.
Okay, 162 times 15 (30 teams playing each other) is 2,430 games. Plus an large number of playoff games. So less than an injury a game. But how many fans now enjoy getting foul balls at games? How many of those injuries are serious? How many involve cellphones? And last but not least, how much do the fan’s lawyers hope to make out of this?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, cosby jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 13, 2015
Congrats to Todd Frazier, who defeated Joc Pederson 14-13 to win the All-Star Home Run Derby. MLB next year may shoot for even higher totals. So instead of players inviting friends and relatives to throw potential home run balls to them, the league may give the job to the Red Sox pitching staff.
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There were actually worries that severe thunderstorms might have rained tonight out. So maybe even God was thinking He/She was getting a bit tired of the Home Run Derby.
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Even Gregg Popovich is impressed with this exchange between a FoxSports reporter and Zack Greinke.
“Matt Vasgergian: “Zack, you want to say a few words?”
Zack Greinke: “No.”
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Some SF Giants fans are unhappy that Bruce Bochy is starting Zack Greinke over Madison Bumgarner in the All-Star Game. But really, Greinke IS having a better year. Must have helped to have had most of last October off.
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All-Star Game starting pitchers, the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke and the Astros’ Dallas Keuchel. Top two questions from casual baseball fans: 1. Aren’t the Astros in the NL? and 2. Dallas who?
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Open note to Bruce Bochy. If the All-Star game is down to the bottom of the ninth and the NL is behind, save one of those Pirate players to pinch hit. #backtobackextrainningwalkoffs
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What’s a bigger sign of the apocalypse? That the AL All-Star game has no starters from either the Yankees or the Red Sox? Or that the Cubs are over .500 at the All-Star break?
(thanks to Neal for the idea that got the above started.)
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Not only did Mexican drug lord El Chapo escape, he did so via a lighted and ventilated tunnel, over a mile long, which he somehow had built while inside a maximum security prison. It’s a shame this guy is such a bad dude, Caltrans could use him to oversee some of their building projects.
FSU president John E. Thrasher met with the Semnoles’ football team today, and apparently gave them a lecture to remind them that playing for Florida State is a “privilege, not a right.”
Seems like three words would have done it. “Don’t get arrested.”
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This week is the SEC media days for football. Over 1,200 (not a typo) members of the media requested credentials. And some people really wonder why these players have trouble with the student-athlete concept….
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Fortunately there were no injuries when a 19 year-old-old crashed his car in Atherton, California Saturday night, totaling the car and wiping out fences and shubbery. He was allegedly drunk. The car was a 2014 Tesla. Another possible affluenza defense?
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Scott Walker officially announced he was running for President. Thereby surprising most people who figured he was already running for President.
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Joys of the modern age. When you need to change a password. And it’s got to be complicated with different cases, punctuation marks and numbers. And while you’re typing that new password it has to be encrypted so you can’t see what you’re typing.
THEN it asks you to confirm the new password. And says the confirmation doesn’t match, please correct. Except you have no idea if the error was in the first or the second typing because of the encryption. Okay I am done now. #therehastobeaneasierway
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Now it’s Marco Rubio reporting his fundraising – $12 million in the last 3 months. You know, if you’re someone who makes GOP commercials and campaign material, and you’re still unemployed at this point, you just might want to find another line of work.
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From T.C. “Russell Wilson’s new sweetie is singing the anthem at All Star game tomorrow. Wonder if he’ll show up to hand her the microphone.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Allstar jokes, baseball jokes, Bochy jokes, Cincinnati jokes, Dodgers jokes, El Chapo jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 12, 2015
Lebron James says he still has “nightmares” over Cleveland’s loss to Golden State ” I can never get away from losing in the Finals.” Don’t they say practice makes perfect?
Bruce Bochy has added Clayton Kershaw to the NL All-Star SF Giants fans have no problem with this. Maybe Bochy can pitch him for 8 innings?
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Max Scherzer is pitching today and so will miss the All-Star game. And the Nationals, who saw Madison Bumgarner last year, are thinking, “If we win the NL and have Max Scherzer, we don’t need no stinking home field advantage.”
The Knicks beat the Spurs, 78-73 in their first Summer League game in Las Vegas yesterday. The game was also the head coaching debut of Becky Hammon. And everyone survived just fine. #Thetimestheyareachangin
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Buffalo Bills OL coach Aaron Kromer was arrested this morning in Florida for allegedly punching a boy in the face. And at NFL headquarters they’re thinking “At least it wasn’t a girl.”
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Jayson Tatum, the #2 ranked 2016 basketball recruit, has committed to join the Blue Devils, saying “I love the way the program is run and I love the way the academics are set up.” So Tatum is thinking Duke has the best 1 year high school post-graduate program in the country?
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NY Rep. Carolyn Maloney today cited the World Cup in calling for gender pay equality. “Women are being short-changed in soccer. We need to step up and work for equal pay.” The U.S. women’s national team received $2 million, whereas the men got $8 million for losing in the round of 16.
Well, and no doubt that’s because of TV ratings. The Women’s final had 25.4 million viewers, only about 2 million more than this year’s NBA finals game 6 and 2014’s World Series game 7. Oops, never mind.
Donald Trump is bragging that 15,000 supporters came to watch his Phoenix speech, and that tickets to ‘free’ event sold online for as much as $100. Right. But what’s more American than turning out for a really spectacular circus?
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Joaquin Guzman, “El Chapo”, who was the most wanted drug lord in the world until his 2014 arrest, apparently escaped from a Mexican maximum security prison for the second time.
Maybe they ought to rethink that “maximum security” part? #Whatsminimumsecurity?
Donald Trump, surprise, is seizing on the escape of drug lord “El Chapo” from a Mexican maximum security as proof of that country’s corruption. So what was the escape of two murderers from a U.S. maximum security prison proof of…?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, Bills jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, soccer jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 7, 2015
All-Star starters are set. In the AL, there are four KC Royals, the leading vote getter is a Toronto Blue Jay, and there are NO players from the NY Yankees or Boston Red Sox. Not sure who those ballot box stuffers were, but they clearly don’t work for ESPN.
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Sportswriter Jeff Passan, lamenting the All-Star Game selections, complained about Clayton Kershaw being left off the team when he is the ‘Best Pitcher in the World.” With all due respect, this year Kershaw might not even be the best pitcher on the Dodgers. #Greinke
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David West signs with San Antonio for $1.5 million, turning down $12 million with the Indiana Pacers. Either West really wants a ring, or he’s really bad at math.
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Manu Ginoboli tweeted today “Happy to announce that I’m coming back next season. #gospursgo #TDwouldvemissedmetoomuch.” So the Spurs machine will just keep rolling along, albeit probably with its left blinker on.
So are the Spurs done with free agents? One or two more discount deals and their payroll on average may be lower than some SEC football teams.
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Lots of discussion in the media today about how the U.S. women’s “long 16 year World Cup drought is over.” And Cubs fans are just weeping.
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20 riders are out of the “Tour de France” after a horrific crash. Fortunately all should recover, although the leader fractured vertebrae in his back. But you have to think someone connected with bike racing is musing “so how regularly do we have to have these crashes to increase viewership?”
Greece’s finance minister has resigned. Now there’s a position right now that might be as unenviable as managing the Philadelphia Phillies.
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SC State Senator Lee Bright interrupted the Confederate flag debate to argue against gay marriage, saying the “devil is taking control of this land.” And adding “This country was founded on Judeo Christian principles….
Sounds like Senator Bright’s knowledge of history is as great as his empathy for same-sex couples.
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Re the release of Cosby’s deposition in his 2005 sexual assault case, looks like his lawyer was right – “It would be terribly embarrassing for this material to come out.”
“I’m shocked” said almost no women. #hesaidshesaidshesaidshesaidshesaid…..
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Many NASCAR drivers are complaining over “pack racing”, because with so many similar cars bunched tightly together in one place during the competition, wrecks are likely. Sort of like the stage for the first GOP Presidential debate?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball allstars jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Spurs jokes, World Cup jokes
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June 30, 2015
So what will Chris Christie’s campaign slogan be? Suggestion – “Put a real bully in the pulpit.”
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Chris Christie has joined the 2016 Presidential race. Guess he figured the field needed a heavy hitter?
(Yes, Chris Christie fat jokes are like shooting fish in a barrel. If the fish were deep fried and covered with a cream sauce.)
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Open note to both #ChrisChristie & #DonaldTrump – “That word does not mean what you think it means.” #Bullypulpit #princessbride
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Donald Trump has now filed a $500 million lawsuit against Univision after they dropped his pageants. So is that how the Donald plans to deal with all his opponents and our enemies aboard – sue them?
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Some day the NBA is really going to miss Coach Popovich. But fortunately not yet. Pop on free agency, which started at 12:01am Wednesday. “I’m not calling anyone at midnight, I’ll be in bed. And if that’s the difference in someone coming or not coming, then I don’t want them.”
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BJ’s Restaurant & Brewhouse, trying to promote their new quinoa dishes, is offering a $10,000 gift card to the first person who can prove, with a birth certificate, that they have named their baby “Quinoa.” $10,000?! That would barely cover a year’s therapy.
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Daytona International Speedway will give a free U.S. flag to any fan wishing to trade in their Confederate flag this weekend. Who’d a thunk that NASCAR would end up being more sensitive to symbols than the NFL? #Redskins
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At current count “only” five Royals are slated to start the MLB All-Star game. But whatever happens, maybe these Presidential candidates desperate for votes in 2016 should consider hiring a consultant from Kansas City.
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#SFGiants have DFA’d #CaseyMcGehee for a second time in 2015. Do we call this a “Double Play DFA?”
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QB Russell Wilson said in an interview “I’ll play hard for $25 million or for $1.5 million.” And Seahawks management is thinking “Are both of those offers?”
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The Ku Klux Klan plans a July rally protest possibly removing the Confederate flag from South Carolina statehouse grounds. If they feel that strongly about the flag maybe the Klan should head overseas and try to raise it in an ISIS stronghold?
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Open note to anyone asking for a political contribution. “Urgent” in the subject line is effectively a synonym for “Hit the delete button.” #enoughalready
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The University of Missouri at Kansas City paid Chelsea Clinton $65,000, to speak, because they couldn’t afford Hilary’s fee of $275,000. Hmm, if the school could have held out for a few years maybe they could have gotten Charlotte for less.
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One escaped murderer is dead, the other in hospital and in custody. But the FBI is now apparently investigating a possible heroin ring in the New York prison where the two escaped from earlier this month. The surviving convict better stay alive at this point, they’ll need him as a consultant for the movie
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A Louisiana man, unhappy with Walmart’s removing Confederate flags from their stores, went in with a picture of an ISIS flag, and had it put on a cake, then complained in a Youtube video that went viral. Walmart has apologized. “It’s unfortunate one customer thought to take advantage of an associate who did not know the flag and its meaning,”
And some people think it doesn’t matter if all Americans are educated.
From Marc Ragovin “Dwyane Wade has opted out of his contract with the Heat. “I think a lot of teams are going to show interest in him,” said 2009.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Christie jokes, Confederate flag jokes, Janice Hough, Nascar jokes, Royals jokes, Trump jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 16, 2014
A TSA agent today at Orlando International Airport. asked for a reporter’s passport when the man showed him a District of Columbia driver’s license. Not realizing D.C. is actually part of the U.S. Wonder if the TSA agent told the guy his team should have beaten Brazil….
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Okay, both Bud Selig and players association executive director Tony Clark both just said they would like to reduce and ultimately eliminate smokeless tobacco usage in MLB. Great, so with that goal, wouldn’t it have made sense to use the big stage of the All-Star Game for that message as part of a tribute to Tony Gwynn? Or would that have taken time away from “Pride of the Yankees -2 -the Derek Jeter show?”
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If someone turned into last night’s All-Star game who had never seen baseball before and didn’t know the players, they might have been forgiven for thinking “That poor Jeter guy, he must be dying?”
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At Target Field presume someone is interviewing the last stadium worker asking how it felt to clean up after #Jeter‘s last #AllStarGame?
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From Bill Littlejohn. “I hear that Adam Wainwright’s new walk-up music just became ‘Groovin’ on a Sunday Afternoon'”
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Alabama and USC will kick off the 2016 college football season with a game at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas. It will be the first regular season meeting in almost 40 years between two of the NCAA’s highest paid teams.
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With the new College Football Playoff system, the “Power Five” conferences will each receive about $50 million and the other FBS leagues will split $75 million. Just for this first year. Well, this should help the NCAA pay legal bills as they fight against paying players because it would ruin the game.
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Oscar Pistorius, whose trial is in a recess until August, got into a bar fight last weekend, but his family issued a statement it was only because he’s in ’emotional pain,’ and feels lonely. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
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Another of those “Darwin – missed it by that much” stories. A West Seattle man decided to kill a spider with a can of spray paint and a lighter (huh?) He managed to set his house on fire, causing about $60,000 in damages. Although he, and possibly the spider, survived.
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In South Carolina, the KKK is handing out bags of candy as part of a recruiting effort. The bags have a phone number and a message inside .””Save Our Land, Join the Klan.” Is it too late to let the South secede?
(Dan St. Paul suggests, “Presumably the bags have two holes cut out for your eyes?”)
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Dwight Howard tweeted last weekend “FreePalestine.” Then deleted the message 15 min later “Previous tweet was a mistake, I have never commented on international politics and never will.” Did Howard run out of characters to end the message “again?”
Best team award at the #ESPYS to the Seattle Seahawks? Really . Even #ESPN doesn’t respect the #Spurs. #notenoughdrama?
–Would love to be a fly on the wall when athletes’ wives ask “So honey, what did you think of that #Sidepieces song? #ESPYS #nogoodanswer.
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Dick Cheney says that “Barack Obama is the worst President of my lifetime.” Now, President Obama hasn’t been perfect. But he’s not even the worst President of the last decade.
Majority ruled?. Senate Republicans today blocked a bill to restore free birth control for women whose health insurance comes from employers with religious objections. The losing vote? 56-43 in favor of the bill. (Three GOP Senators voted yes.. Two were women.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Cheney jokes, Congress jokes, ESPY jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, TSA jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 15, 2014
Seriously??! ONE home run gets Todd Frazier to the Home Run Derby finals representing the NL? #ShouldhavepickedMadbum
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Thought after watching round one of the Home Run Derby; Yasiel Puig is no Madison Bumgarner. #SFGiants. #Dodgers
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If they ever have an All-Star Game and Home Run derby in pitcher friendly Petco Park, is there a provision for ending it with penalty kicks?
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Apparently the SF Bay Area had some of the highest World Cup television ratings in the U.S. For that soccer can thank Northern California’s cultural diversity, advantageous game times with Brazil being only four hours ahead, and oh yeah, the fact the the SF Giants s*cked throughout the month that the tournament was on.
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Today begins a four day stretch without regular MLB games. So Cubs fans looking for their regular experience in the meantime will just have to bang their heads into the wall.
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So how long until other teams start intentionally walking Madison Bumgarner with the bases loaded? #SFGIants #Grandslam #MadBum
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Apparently Archie of comic book fame will be shot and die in the next issue while trying to protect a gay friend. Waiting to see how the GOP spins this as another reason to impeach Obama.
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High school basketball star Emmanuel Mudiay, who had committed to SMU, says he will instead play professionally overseas. What a shame. By skipping college Mudiay could be giving up some of the potential best few months of his life.
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The Cleveland Browns are planning to use a live bull-mastiff as their mascot this fall. Of course Browns fans are hoping the real dog doesn’t turn out to be Johnny Manziel.
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The 2016 campaign sniping is in fine form. Like this line about Texas Gov. Rick Perry: “Apparently his new glasses haven’t altered his perception of the world, or allowed him to see it any more clearly.” From Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden? Nope, fellow Republican Rand Paul.
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TSA surcharges on airline tickets are more than doubling July 21, from $2.50 to $5.60 per flight, with extra charges for layovers of more than 4 hours. As far as paying for misery, these fees are becoming the travel equivalent of alimony.
Happy belated Bastille Day. And we Americans think we celebrate violence. These lines translated from the first first and chorus of “La Marseillaise”. “The bloody flag is raised. Do you hear in the countryside, The roar of these savage soldiers They come right into our arms To cut the throats of your sons….,To arms, citizens! Form up your battalions Let us march, Let us march! That their impure blood Should water our fields….”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All star break, All-Star Game jokes, Cubs jokes, home run derby jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, TSA jokes
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July 13, 2014
Madison Bumgarner, leaving the mound in the 7th inning today in a game where he was not only the winning pitcher, but hit a double and a grand slam. The real shame of him leaving when he did. Madbum’s turn at bat was coming up.
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Is it too late to add Madison Bumgarner to the All Star Game home run derby roster? #SFGiants
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#Madbum was saying all week he wanted to hit in the All-Star game home run derby, and was texting NL Captain Troy Tulowitzki about it. Troy’s got to be second guessing that decision about now.
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Maybe now that the #WorldCup is over the SF Giants realized they were allowed to score without penalty kicks.
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(actually posted before today’s game that “You know it’s been a rough month when your starting pitcher comes into a game with a higher batting average than four of your starting lineup.” After his double and grand slam, Bumgarner now has a higher batting average than anyone on the team except Hunter Pence.
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Who’s done a better acting job in the last month? The floppers of the #WorldCup or millions of Americans who pretended to care about soccer?
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Understatement of the year. Eric Holder, in responding to Sarah Palin’s call for Obama’s impeachment. ““She wasn’t a particularly good vice presidential candidate.”
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So figure… the last game before the All-Star break between the Yankees and Orioles ended up in a rain delay…. and was called after midnight. Might have been the first game ever played Monday of All-Star week.
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Colin Kaepernick apparently has a new tattoo. How could anyone tell?
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Cornerback CB Jimmy Smith was arrested at a suburban Baltimore bar last night and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Smith is the 5th Raven to be arrested this off-season. How long until Baltimore changes their team color to orange?
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CNN has decided to make yesterday’s story of the United flight diverted to Midway Island today’s front page news. Standby for tomorrow’s story of all the islands where they COULD have diverted MH370.
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ESPN story talked about “bravery” with the “Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Can think of a number of adjectives. “Bravery is not in the top ten. (If we’re going for “Bs” – “Braindead”, maybe.)
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #madbum, All-Star Game jokes, Janice Hough, madison bumgarner jokes, Ravens jokes, Running of the bulls jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Cup jokes
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July 6, 2014
That Djokovic Federer #Wimbledon2014 final lasted longer than many celebrity marriages.
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Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic both spoke during the awards ceremony after Wimbledon final. Nothing but class. Maybe they should record the ceremony and commentary as a training video for athletes in some other sports.
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And Wimbledon always brings to mind some of my favorite bathroom graffiti, seen years ago in London, on the side of the stall – “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.” And of course on the other side-. “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.”
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Boris Diaw announced via Twitter that he is returning to the Spurs. After no rumors or public discussions with other teams. Once again, San Antonio falls down in the drama department.
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In two separate July 4 incidents in Northern California, three people had part or all of their hands blown off while handling personal fireworks. Isn’t it redundant for the media to report all three people were men?
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Oops. the Houston Astros single-A affliliate Lancaster JetHawks had fireworks night Saturday, and ended up lighting the outfield wall on fire. (This after another fireworks accident in 2013.) Guess it’s not just their players who aren’t quite ready for the big leagues.
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Nelson Cruz was voted to start the All-Star Game a year after his 50-game PED suspension. If Cruz wins the game’s MVP award will Bud Selig smile and shake his hand by invoking the ABB “Anyone But Bonds” clause?.
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Buck Showalter, responding to Red Sox pitcher John Lackey’s insinuations about Nelson Cruz and PED’s, said that Lackey should be “careful” and look at his own team. Wonder which “Big” hitter the Orioles manager was referring to?
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Most amazing thing about the Brandon McCarthy to the Yankees trade? The Diamondbacks will still pay most of McCarthy’s 2014 salary. #Richgetricher
From T.C.. “Most of the Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’d be back for the 2016 Summer Olympics. Of course then they’ll be competing in men’s diving.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, fireworks jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, PED jokes, Wimbledon jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 17, 2013
One reason that so many people are eagerly awaiting the arrival of the royal baby? How often do we get a real celebrity baby born in wedlock?
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So little offense in Tuesday night’s All-Star game you had to wonder if all the batters knew they might be asked to provide a urine sample after the game?
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Governor Rick Perry, in an Illinois radio ad trying to lure business to his state – “The escape route leads straight to Texas.” Uh, aren’t they talking about a fence for that?
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Matt Harvey said in a Men’s Journal article that he hopes to have the kind of love life Derek Jeter has had, not just the beautiful women, but the privacy. Apparently Harvey, 24, hasn’t thought about Jeter being lucky enough to be in HIS 20s before everyone from age 7 to 70 had their own camera phone.
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Gay marriages will now be legal in England, Queen Elizabeth II gave her royal assent to a bill passed in Parliament. Of course, watching her own four children couldn’t have given the Queen any sense that “traditional” marriage needed to be defended….
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An interesting sidelight to the legalization of gay marriage in Britain…. it was Prime Minister David Cameron, a leader of the Conservatives, who first proposed the legislation.
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San Francisco now has its own Applebee’s on Fisherman’s Wharf. For all those locals and tourists who haven’t known where to get a good pomegranate martini made with Sprite. (No joke, was in an Applebee’s in Kansas, only place open late, and had to have them hold the Sprite.)
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Asiana Airlines is dropping plans to sue KTVU, the TV station that mistakenly read the four fake pilot names on air. Presumably at least in part because the airline realized such a suit would lead to about four million fake lawyer name jokes.
Despite the most recent controversy swirling around him after his early departure from the Manning QB camp, Johnny Manziel says “I’m still going to live my life to the fullest.” Is it too soon to start a pool on his next possible arrest date?
Texas A & M QB Johnny Manziel said he ended up leaving the Manning QB camp simply because he missed a meeting when he overslept. Yo, Johnny, they’re called alarm clocks. (And there’s an app for that.)
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Meanwhile in San Francisco, LB NaVorro Bowman is talking about the “huge mistake” by QB Colin Kaepernick – being seen wearing a Miami Dolphins hat. Is it just me, or should “huge mistake” be reserved for situations where the police are involved. Or maybe butt fumbles.
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If Russia gives Snowden asylum South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham is now suggesting the U.S. consider a boycott the 2014 winter Olympics in Sochi. Yeah, that 1980 boycott turned out so well with Afghanistan….
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Asiana airlines jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, John Manziel jokes, NFL jokes, royal baby jokes
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July 17, 2013
Mariano Rivera entered his final All-Star game Tuesday night to the familiar sounds sounds of “Enter Sandman” Which was particularly fitting tonight because approaching 11pm on the east coast after 7 1/2 dull innings, a lot of fans were already half asleep.
Three hits for the NL in the All Star game. #SFGiants fans had to figure they were watching a repeat of their team’s last month.
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I think I speak for all SF Giants fans in saying “Thank God we didn’t see a home plate collision between Prince Fielder and Buster Posey.”
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Nike has pulled a number of T-shirts from sale after discovering they put a Carolina Panthers logo with the letters “NC” inside an outline of the state of South Carolina. Scary thing, I wonder how many Americans would have noticed.
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Why should New York have all the fun with elections. Now we’ve got Liz Cheney running for Senate in Wyoming. Against an incumbent REPUBLICAN.
(my friend Jason suggests that Liz with her Tea Party style may cause Dick more grief than his Lesbian daughter did when Bush was out pushing a Marriage amendment.)
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The head of the MLB Players Association says that it’s possible the players implicated with Biogenesis would not serve their penalties until 2014. Great, so instead of having a suspended player help determine home field advantage in the World Series, we could have one become the MVP of the World Series.
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Some statements don’t even need a punchline: George Zimmerman’s brother on CNN, said that George “is going to be looking around his shoulder for the rest of his life,” looking out for people who “take the law into their own hands.”
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Juror B37’s book deal apparently was killed before she wrote a word. Will her former literary agent claim self-defense?
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God Bless America. In response to an email inquiry about train travel to England, Rail Europe reminds me “It is important to purchase your rail tickets prior to departing for Europe to avoid any language barrier, long lines at the station and sold out trains.” Right, especially that language barrier.
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The California Supreme Court refused Monday to stop gay weddings in the state, a move that upset Proposition 8 supporters. But where are the cheers from conservatives who believe that government should stay out of our lives?
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ESPN is already gearing up their British Open coverage. Is anyone but #TigerWoods playing?
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From Jim Barach: Chris Christie is set to appear on Michael J. Fox’s new show. His camp says it has nothing to do with trying to get national exposure for a presidential run since the show will be aired on NBC.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, juror b37 jokes, Mariano Rivera jokes, SF Giants jokes, Zimmerman jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 15, 2013
MLB Commissioner Bud Selig said today that “this sport is cleaner than it’s ever been.” And we thought Abbott and Costello had a hard time keeping straight faces for “Who’s on First.”
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In related news, Texas Rangers president Nolan Ryan said today that Manny Ramirez could be called up to the team after the All-Star break. Wonder if someone was on hand potentially to help Selig with the Heimlich maneuver.
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The new version of Twinkies is about 10% smaller than the original version. No doubt Hostess will seek a price increase because the new snack cakes are healthier for you.
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No joke, a new poll shows former Gov. Eliot Spitzer and ex-Rep. Anthony Weiner leading in their respective primary races. Who knew so many New Yorkers were aspiring comedians?
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Johnny Manziel pleaded guilty to a lesser charge stemming from a bar fight in 2012, and will avoid jail time. Give the young man credit for being precocious – he’ll have a both a Heisman and at least one conviction before he ever gets to the NFL..
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Steelers and Dolphin centers Mike and Maurkice Pouncey, ttwins who played with Aaron Hernandez at Florida, celebrated their birthday last night wearing “Free Hernandez” caps. Well that ought to do wonders for the image of NFL players as stupid thugs.
So what does the winner of the MLB #Homerunderby get? Besides increased PED testing for the rest of the season?
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Puig is the toast of Los Angeles, Cespedes won the Home Run Derby…. Coast Guard boats looking to intercept Cuban refugees may find they have competition from MLB boats looking to give them safe haven.
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Russian President Putin today said of Snowden “As soon as there is an opportunity for him to move elsewhere, I hope he will do that.” Wonder if Putin worries that Snowden can start hacking Russian computers from the airport?
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An NTSB official said the intern who confirmed false names for the Asiana Flight 214 pilots to KTVU is no longer with the agency. “I am shocked”, said absolutely no one.
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So Asiana Airlines has actually retained a U.S. law firm and plans to go ahead with a defamation suit against KTVU as a result of the pilot prank. Thereby guaranteeing that the story, and the joke names, including Some Ting Wong and Ho Lee Fuk, remain a headline for months to come.
T.C. (Whose last name is Chong, so he can make this joke: ) “Asiana Airlines said they are considering legal action against KTVU because the station’s reading of the four fake names “badly damaged” their reputation. Look for them to show up with that famous Asian attorney Low Fee.
Look for them to show up with that famous Asian attorney Low Fee.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Asiana airlines jokes, Bud Selig jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough
Comments: 1 Comment
July 10, 2012
“Well-stuffed” – referring to the job San Francisco fans did with the ballot box.
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That deafening silence you heard after the top of the All-Star game five run top of the first inning was coming from Mets fans who wanted Wright to start the All-Star game.
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After tonight, SF Giants batters have to be petitioning MLB for permission to wear orange spikes during regular season.
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Says Gary M. “About 1/2-way through tonight’s All-Star game, Bryce Harper asked Melky Cabrera, “How much for those clown shoes, bro?”
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Back to the regular season…. Phil Mickelson apparently part of a group planning to buy the San Diego Padres. Anyone ever told Phil that on a baseball diamond low scores are not necessarily a good thing?
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If Giants fans had started stuffing the ballot box sooner the AL might not have had that seven game All-Star winning streak.
How long until the New York Yankees tell MLB Commissioner Bud Selig this All-Star game determining home field advantage stuff is not acceptable.
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Former PSU pres. Graham Spanier told university investigators that he was never told that Jerry Sandusky was seen molesting a boy in a school shower. Ah for the good old days of being a scumbag. It was so much easier to burn notes than to erase emails….
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United Airlines today announced that they will reinstate their San Francisco to Paris nonstop in April 2013. Tomorrow they will announce that all frequent flyer free and upgraded tickets on that route are full.
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The GOP has a very different problem from 2008. Then they had a presidential candidate who couldn’t remember. Now they have one who hopes that we can’t remember.
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A yoga teacher with a cellphone ban in class was fired from Facebook after making an employee turn the phone off during one of her classes. Guess the employee just HAD to update her status to “I’m feeling really relaxed learning yoga.”
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Texas Governor Rick Perry compared Medicaid to the Titanic. Interesting that Perry picked as a metaphor one of the only things in history that sunk faster than his Presidential campaign.
From Marc Ragovin: Mitt Romney’s advisers say that his Swiss and Cayman Islands bank accounts are all part of his longstanding practice of investing globally. Hence his new campaign slogan: Putting America Somewhere Between First and Sixth.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, All-Star jokes, Ballot Box Stuffing jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, San Francisco Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 9, 2012
We’re currently in the Major League Baseball All Star break. The only three days between April and September when Cubs fans KNOW their team won’t disappoint them.
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Robinson Cano, last year’s Home Run Derby winner, hit zero home runs today. What is Cano trying to do, get traded to the San Francisco Giants?
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Adam Lambert is reportedly in talks to become a judge on American Idol. The biggest hangup, having him on the show might create a “who’s prettier” tension with Ryan Seacrest.
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One happy Monday thought: If you can read this post your computer hasn’t been compromised by the DNSChanger malware.
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The Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise divorce has been finalized, in less than two weeks. With damage control talent like this Cruise clearly has a future in politics.
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Worst thing for SF Giants fans about today’s Home Run Derby. Prince Fielder’s win today isn’t going to make it any easier for the team to convince Pablo Sandoval he needs to lose weight.
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You cannot make this “stuff” up: Eagles RB Dion Lewis was arrested when, allegedly intoxicated, he pulled the fire alarm after locking himself out of his hotel in New York. Lewis was in town to speak at the Troy Boys & Girls Club about “things like how to make better choices.” (The talk has been rescheduled.)
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Not a fan of cheating, but regarding all this controversy now over Lance Armstrong and doping, do any cycling fans think ANYONE was clean during his era?
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Reggie Jackson, who is a “Yankees special assistant” has been told to stay away from team events indefinitely after his comments about A-Rod etc. But really, hiring Reggie and expecting him not to say anything controversial? Who’s the team’s next managerial prospect – Ozzie Guillen?
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As the GOP dismisses talk about Romney’s Swiss bank accounts, along with his holdings in the Cayman Islands and Bermuda, have to wonder, what would they be saying if Obama had money overseas, even small accounts in Kenya or Indonesia?
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-Hope Solo has received a USADA warning after testing positive for Canrenone. She says it was an “honest mistake” with “a medication prescribed by my personal doctor for pre-menstrual purposes that I did not know contained a diuretic” Wonder how long it will take some baseball player to use the same excuse?.
(As my friend Tony Alan Banks says : “Manny’s just sorry he didn’t think of this.”)
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From Bill Littlejohn: “Andy Murray and Great Britain were unable to break a 76-year Wimbledon men’s singles title drought. So, back in 1936, did someone bring a billy goat to Centre Court?”
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The headline reads “Three gored on the third day running of the bulls.” Should read “Three miss in valiant attempts for Darwin award.”
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Women just do not get it with this running of the bulls stuff. I mean, for us there’s got to be a purpose for that kind of mad dash where you’re likely to be trampled…. like a REALLY good Black Friday sale.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, Reggie Jackson jokes, Running of the bulls jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
July 2, 2012
A All-Star tale of two cities: SF Giants fans stuffed the ballot box and were happy to get three starters on the team. NY Yankees fans got three of their players named to the team and thought “we should have stuffed the ballot box.”
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At this point Buster Posey is likely to end up catching Mets knuckleballer R.A. Dickey. Hmm, maybe it was Yadier Molina and Carlos Ruiz who stuffed the ballot box for him.
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What is the “age of reason?” It might be 33. The age at which all of Tom Cruise’s wives have divorced him.
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The Tour de France started this weekend. Yet another event that most Americans no longer care about now that we have no chance of winning.
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Alec Baldwin married yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas over the weekend. By all accounts it was a lovely wedding. Except when out of habit Alec accidentally punched the photographer.
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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie had a press conference about storm damage, but when a reporter asked a question on a different topic, responded “Did I say on topic? Are you stupid? On topic, on topic. Next question.” If Obama is re-elected, he could make Christie a bi-partisan advisor in charge of heckling.
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Senior Romney adviser Eric Fehrnstrom said today that the Governor agrees, the fee for not having insurance is a penalty and not a tax. After all, that’s what Mitt thought it was when he implemented Obamacare/Romneycare in Massachusetts.
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Anderson Cooper is the latest public figure to come out of the closet. Well, now that Tom Cruise is single…..
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Michael Phelps has dropped the 200 freestyle for London, meaning he will only have a chance for 7 golds at the 2012 Olympics. Slacker.
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A new study has found the more coffee you drink, the more you may be protecting yourself against skin cancer. Well, makes sense, the more time you spend in line at Starbucks the less time you are out in the sun.
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From my friend Rich Lieberman: CONSERVATIVE REMINDER: The government can draft you and force you to serve in war but asking you to buy insurance if you can is overreach.
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First Dwight Howard wanted to be traded, then he wanted to stay with the Orlando Magic, now he wants to be traded again. Even Brett Favre is saying “Dude, make up your mind.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, All-Star jokes, Janice Hough, Tom Cruise jokes
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July 14, 2011
Until the trade deadline. Which made Tuesday night’s MLB All-Star game, for the Yankees, the equivalent of window shopping.
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Forget actually playing, three Yankees, A-Rod, Rivera, and Jeter didn’t even bother to show up with their All-Star team. Maybe they figured the home field advantage wouldn’t matter in the World Series, since New York won’t be there either.-
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Bud Selig defended Derek Jeter’s not even to attend the All Star Game tonight for a quick wave to the crowd, saying “There isn’t a player I’m more proud of in the last 15 years …I know why he is not here. I respect that and I must tell you that I think I would have made the same decision.” Then Selig called Yankee management and asked “Did I say that right?”
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Yet another example of why, no matter what team you root for, you have to like Pablo Sandoval. When told he was designated as the team’s utility player, and that he might have to catch in a pinch, the Giants’ third baseman responded “I’ll pitch too.”
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Sherwood Schwartz, the creator and theme song writer for both the “The Brady Bunch” and “Gilligan’s Island.” has died at the age of 94. Funeral arrangements are pending, but before the service of course, attendees will go on a “three hour tour.”
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ESPN is suing Ohio State University, for alleged violations of state public records law regarding denied requests for items related to the recent NCAA football investigation. University spokesman Jim Lynch says the university believes it has followed applicable law. And at this point, why should anyone doubt OSU’s credibility
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So now it appears that the scumbags at Murdoch’s papers in Britain were not only hacking murder victims and soldiers, but also the Prime Minister, the Queen, and who knows who else. When these guys get out of jail maybe the CIA or MI-5 should hire them, sounds like they could have traced down Bin Laden years ago.
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The IRS is going after the 23 year old cell-phone salesman who caught Derek Jeter’s 3000th hit, for $15,000 based on the value of what the Yankees gave him. Meanwhile, GM pays no taxes for 10 years. Is this a great country or what?
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TC from Canada has an interesting take on this. “Does he not get a deduction for the ball that he donated to Jeter? Canadian tax law would allow you a trade off. Once the ball clears the fence, it becomes public domain) Lopez didn’t get the tickets for the remainder of the season for “Nothing”. He gave Jeter the ball which could be worth close to a million$. It’s not a gift!!!!!! i’m not a tax expert for the US of A, but i’m guessing if Lopez has to pay, then so would Jeter. make sense?”)
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In his statement to Republicans in Congress, President Obama said “I do not see a path to a deal if the basic proposition is ‘it’s my way or the highway.'” The GOP immediately responded, “Hey, wait a minute, we never said the highway was on the table.”
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Okay, here’s an idea for the Republicans who don’t want to tax “job creators.” How about a tax break for corporations ONLY for each living wage job they create right here in the USA.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Bud Selig jokes, debt ceiling jokes, Jeter jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 14, 2010
As my friend Andy said about George Steinbrenner, some loved him, some hated him, but no one will forget him.
And that next thunderstorm you hear…probably George and Billy Martin reuniting somewhere.
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New York pitcher Phil Hughes was the losing pitcher in the All-Star game, charged with 2 earned runs in 1/3 of an inning. In honor of George Steinbrenner, the Yankees are thinking of having him traded to the Royals.
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With the death of George Steinbrenner, many people are now crossing “Yankees” off their bumper stickers and substituting “My favorite team is whoever is playing the “Heat.”
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Actually, until Brian McCann hit that three-run two out double, the All-Star Game was looking an awful lot like a World Cup final, albeit without vuvuzelas.
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Although, sorry Bud Selig, when asked, Paul the Octopus said he couldn’t care less who won the All-Star Game.
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Oracle CEO Larry Ellison may be on the verge of acquiring the Golden State Warriors. Which if nothing else should mean that the pundits may stop referring to Oracle’s purchase of Sun as the biggest mistake they ever made.
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And while we’re on the subject of high-tech, so let’s see, Apple’s new 4G iPhone works fine, unless you’re lefthanded, or hold the phone in your left hand. And the company is kind of shrugging it off as no big deal.
How did Apple choose their latest public relations firm anyway? A referral from BP?
The phone is apparently fixable with duct tape. Right, nothing says “I am the coolest person with the coolest newest gadget on the planet” like a phone wrapped in duct tape.
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The Queen of England was given a new Blackberry from Research in Motion on her recent trip to Canada. But I don’t think it will be anytime so that Steve Jobs will be delivering a new iPhone to the White House. (Obama is lefthanded.)
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Senate candidate Carly Fiorina said when she was at HP that “there is no job that is America’s God-given right anymore.” Apparently, however, she does believe millionaires with no political experience have a God-given right to buy elections.
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Sharron Angle, Senate candidate in Nevada, said in an interview today that God is backing her candidacy. Yeah, but Senator Harry Reid soon hopes to announce the support of Paul the Octopus.
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Just wondering, if when two candidates each have God on their side, does God flip a coin or what?
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The Cleveland Cavaliers’ Zydrunas Ilgauskas has followed Lebron James to the Heat. Making sure if nothing else the team will make Scrabble fans happy.
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Great joke from my very funny friend Alex Kaseberg.
“It has been tough for Cleveland sports fans. First, the Cleveland Browns left for Baltimore; then LeBron James leaves for Miami.
And, worst of all, the Cleveland Indians won’t go anywhere.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, George Steinbrenner jokes, iPhone jokes, Janice Hough, Paul the Octopus jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 