Posted tagged ‘Gingrich jokes’

Midsummer almost-classic?

July 12, 2016

Tonight was David Ortiz’s last All-Star game as Big Papi is retiring. The Red Sox slugger could become even more beloved if he takes Joe Buck with him.

 

NL loses ‪#‎AllStarGame‬ again, along with home field advantage for ‪#‎WorldSeries‬, after stranding 10. Clearly ‪#‎Madbum‬ should have pinch hit.

Just thinking ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬ may be regretting how well he bonded with his ‪#‎KCRoyals‬ teammates last year. ‪#‎AllStarGame‬

Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez said  tonight he’d groove fastballs to David Ortiz in All-Star Game because “I want to see him hit a home run.”
Well, not like the game means anything… other than home field advantage in the World Series. ‪#‎SMH‬

Tim Duncan skipped his own retirement news conference today. But no doubt Kobe Bryant will soon call a press conference to discuss how it felt for him to play with Duncan.

So now the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. has had to ask PokemonGO players to stop playing the game – in their museum. Maybe some of these idiots should be playing it instead in traffic.

 

Another Tesla autopilot crash this weekend, this time nonfatal. The driver apparently reported that he did not have his hands on the wheel, and he did not hear warnings. But the car’s warnings are in English and he speaks Mandarin.
Beginning to think these cars should come with copies of the latest Darwin awards.

The Black Panther Party says they are going to protest at the GOP convention, and “if it is an open state to carry we will exercise our Second Amendment rights because there are other groups threatening to be there that are threatening to do harm to us.”
Can’t wait for the NRA’s defense of gun rights on this one.

#‎BernieSanders‬ today “I have come here today not to talk about the past…” Who wrote his speech, Mark McGwire?

A man identified only as “John Doe 150” said when he was 14 he told Joe Paterno about abuse by Jerry Sandusky and that the Penn State coach responded “‘I don’t want to hear about any of that kind of stuff, I have a football season to worry about?'”
Would be less awful if that hasn’t been the response of big-time college football and the NFL to most off-field issues..

Fox News has suspended Newt Gingrich’s contract. “Due to the intense media speculation about Gingrich’s potential selection as Donald Trump’s V.P candidate, we felt it best to half his contributor role on the network to avoid all conflicts of interest that may arise.”

But until now, Newt has been “fair and balanced?” ‪#‎SMH‬

In Florida a woman was taken to the hospital for evaluation after she drove into a house and told police she was praying with her eyes closed. This is not I think what Carrie Underwood meant with ‪#‎Jesustakethewheel‬.

#‎BernieSanders‬ didn’t exactly look thrilled to be on stage today with ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ Maybe he and ‪#‎ChrisChristie‬ can form a support group.

Donald Trump, upset about Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s negative comments about him, says she should leave the bench “as soon as possible.” Uh, if the Donald thinks Elizabeth Warren is aggravating wait until he starts really jousting with Notorious RBG. ‪#‎passthepopcorn‬

 

 

Donald Trump on RBG “I think it’s highly inappropriate that a United States Supreme Court judge gets involved in a political campaign, frankly.” Right, they should wait until after the vote and then determine the result.

 

 

 

During a memorial for the slain Dallas police offices, which was also attended by George W. and Laura Bush, President Obama stated at one point ‘We flood communities with so many guns that it is easier for a teenager to buy a Glock than to get his hands on a computer.’

Obama was criticized by many conservative for being political. But none of them said he was wrong.

(maybe the President should have said, any teenager with a gun who wants a computer could easily steal one?)

Quitting while you still have a head.

June 15, 2016

 

Notre Dame WR Corey Robinson, son of “The Admiral” David Robinson, is retiring from football, citing multiple concussions. Sounds like in Corey’s case that brains as well as athletic ability were inherited.

Johnny ‪#‎Cueto‬ now 10-1. Watching him pitch today kind of hard to imagine how he lost that one. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Lost in last night’s 3-2 ‪#‎SFGiants‬ win was the fact that the winning run scored on a wild pitch with Madison Bumgarner up at the plate, one of two wild pitches in that at-bat. Thrown in part because the Brewers pitcher didn’t want to throw Madbum a fast ball with runners on base. ‪#‎pitcherswhorake‬ ‪#‎pitcherswhoscareotherpitchers‬

So quaint ‪#‎stayclassy‬ moment from the NFL: Bills coach Rex Ryan is reportedly not happy about Bills RB Karlos Williams being overweight in training camp.
Williams blames his fiance:  “I like to eat and then her being pregnant gave me an excuse to eat. She’d wake up, one or two o’clock, ‘I want a snack.’ Well I’m not going to sit here and watch you eat because I don’t want you to feel bad.”

Kentucky’s John Calipari “Coaches always know about scandals that occur on their campuses and they should be held accountable.
Wonder if Calipari knows everything he says stays on the internet forever.

 

Story now that maybe Dallas RB Darren McFadden didn’t injure himself trying to catch his cell phone. Hmm, was he washing Jeff Kent’s truck?

A South African appeals court upheld Oscar Pistorius’s conviction for murder today. The former Olympian had even appeared in his stumps in an attempt for sympathy. “I feel so sorry for him, ” said nobody.”

Pat Robertson on the Orlando shootings, talking about Muslims and gays “I think for those of us who disagree with some of their policies, the best thing to do is to sit on the sidelines and let them kill themselves.”
You know, I wouldn’t wish terrorism on anyone but…..it is surprising that none of these fanatics have ended up on ISIS’s radar.

Sad story this morning with a bit of ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ from Disney World with the little boy snatched by an alligator. He was wading in a hotel lagoon, where his parents were ignoring clearly marked “No swimming signs.” If only that were the most awful story out of Orlando this week.

 

Leaving alligators and terrorists aside: From CDC – Between 2005-2014, there were an average of 3,536 fatal unintentional drownings (non-boating related) a year in U.S. 1 in 5 were children under 14. (332 people a year drown in boating-related incidents.)
And apparently over 3,000 kids a year end up in the ER for near-drowning incidents. Somehow I am sure this is Obama’s fault.

 

So I’m waiting for ‪#‎Trump‬ to say that if the parents at ‪#‎DisneyWorld‬ were armed they could have shot the gator. ‪#‎bustohell‬

 

A Philadelphia columnist, Helen Ubinas,  wrote on Philly.com how she was able to buy an AR-15 in seven minutes.  Seven minutes?  It took me longer than than when Walgreens had a 2 for 1 sale on all house-brand medications, and I decided to try to buy two packages of their equivalent to Sudafed.

 

Newt Gingrich wants to re-create the “House Un-American Activities Committee.” Well, okay then, since religion and “traditional family values” seem still to be such a priority for the GOP these days, can that committee investigate Americans who’ve been married more than twice?

Walking the line?

July 20, 2014

The future King of England, Prince George, is upright. Probably more upright than Prince Harry after a night on the town.

Prince George Of Cambridge First Birthday

 

The Chicago Cubs have filed a lawsuit over “Billy Cub”, a fake mascot that allegedly has been engaging in bad behavior outside Wrigley Field. Wonder how long it will take some Cubs season ticket holders to file a lawsuit over bad behavior on the field inside Wrigley.

 

The Mariners and Angels have played two games since the All-Star Break, totaling 28 innings. Note to both teams, the World Cup is over, enough with the stoppage time.

And if  the MLB season ended today, the Angels and Mariners would be in a one-game wild card playoff. Seattle is 6.5 games behind L.A.(Anaheim.) But if they could start Felix Hernandez, they’d be the favorites to advance. Another “gift” from Bud Selig.

Giancarlo Stanton takes  Sergio Romo deep to lead off the bottom of the ninth in Miami. “I didn’t see that coming.” Said nobody.

 

In a 5-1 game that became a 5-3 game  #SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy removed Sergio Romo in the ninth after a home run and a double and apparently told Romo that it wasn’t about him finishing the game, but wanted Casilla to get the work. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

Huston Street, after being traded from San Diego to the Angels “I believe in the Padres’ ownership. They want to win and they are not content with status quo. I blame the players for what’s happened here.” Right, all those high-priced superstars that just can’t gell as a team, like so-and-so, and him, and.., can anyone name a Padre? (More than one.)

Newt Gingrich wrote an op-ed saying that President Obama hides in a fantasy world. Of course, Gingrich’s fantasy is that he’s still relevant.

Vladimir Putin is retaliating against new sanctions against Russia by denying some Americans visas. Just thinking flying into Russia is not at the top of too many people’s wish lists right now.

The NY Knicks may sign Metta World Peace again. Not sure if it will help the team. But this is good news for comedy writers.

Rand Paul, who’s against raising the minimum wage, talked about his son happily delivering pizza,: “The minimum wage is a temporary thing. It’s a chance to get started.” Of course, if you’re the son of a senator, it probably is a way to get started….what about all those other grown-ups still working those jobs?

Just one of us.

May 3, 2012

Ann Romney wore a $1,000 blouse on television Thursday. Although the designer said it was an off-the-rack item and not one that was especially made for her. So can’t imagine how Ann is getting an increasingly out-of-touch reputation.

Congrats to Jared Weaver of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim on his no-hitter tonight. And he didn’t even get to pitch against Albert Pujols.-

Magic Johnson says the Los Angeles Dodgers will reduce the price for general game parking from $15 to $10. Makes sense. $15 seemed a little steep for the 90 minutes or so between the third and seventh innings.

Spirit Airlines has long charged for carry-on bags that don’t fit under the seat. Now in November travelers who don’t pay that fee until they get to the gate to $100 PER bag. Well, the new policy may cut down on boarding time. If it doesn’t result in arrests for assaulting airline employees.-

 

Zito vs. Zambrano Tuesday night at A T & T Park.   Darn shame they couldn’t have  had the national anthem done by Z.Z.Top.

 

Newt Gingrich finally dropped out of the Presidential race. What is it about this man never knowing when to quit – unless a marriage is involved?

 

 

Rick Perry said today that God forgives people for their “oops” moments. Makes sense, Perry might be one of God’s “oops” moments

 

Amar’e Stoudemire said it “wasn’t like I had a closed fist and just punched through the glass. I just walked by, wanted to make some noise, swung my arm, hit the fire extinguisher door….” So his defense is that he was dumber than he was angry?

Oil Can Boyd says he used cocaine every day when he pitched for the Red Sox in 1986, a year he won 16 games in 1986 with a 3.78 ERA. Talk about things going better with Coke.

 

The story last week on new Romney advisor Richard Grenell was that he had scrubbed hundreds of anti-women tweets. Today Grenell resigned, apparently over conservative ire that he was openly gay. So the message is clear: You can attack women all you want, as long as you sleep with them..

 

On a serious note, while no one knows for sure what led to Junior Seau’s reported suicide, it does seem as if playing NFL football is increasingly bad for your physical and mental health. 

If the league is serious about protecting players, two suggestions: 1. Steroid suspensions have to be at least for a season. 2. Illegal hits that injure an opposing player should result in a suspension for the length of the injury, or the season. Otherwise the bounty punishments are just window dressing. IMHO. 

And R.I.P. Junior.

 

House of Ill-Repute?

April 29, 2012

After the recent scandal, new rules will bar the Secret Service from visiting “non-reputable” establishments. Hmm, will they make an exception for them to enter the House and Senate?

Not saying Lindsay Lohan has aged but she looks too old for consideration as Newt Gingrich’s next wife.

Newt Gingrich now says he will end his Presidential campaign Wednesday. Newt’s announcement had been planned for Tuesday but both his supporters couldn’t make it.

Ah pitchers. The Rockies placed Jeremy Guthrie on the DL after he hurt his shoulder by falling off his bike. Was he trying to chew gum at the same time?

Romney adviser Eric Fehrnstrom (Mr. Etch a Sketch) now says that President Obama’s auto bailout was Mitt’s idea. Right, because the way to get your bailout ideas out there is with an op-ed headline “Let Detroit Go Bankrupt.”

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian, who became a couple when they were both married to other people, renewed their vows for their first wedding anniversary. Wonder if it was meant as a renewal or a reminder?

A Polish dentist pulled out all her ex-boyfriend’s teeth after he showed up for an appointment after he dumped her. Were her parting words “Bite Me?”

Yet another example of why President Obama will win the women’s vote: At Ft. Stewart: “For the gentlemen out there who are not yet married, let me just explain to you: Your goal is to improve your gene pool by marrying somebody who is superior to you.”

How could anyone think Mitt Romney doesn’t get it….. At a small university in Ohio he told students “We’ve always encouraged young people: Take a shot, go for it, take a risk, get the education, borrow money if you have to from your parents..

Red, red, whine…..

April 20, 2012

After an outcry from vegans, Starbucks is changing its Strawberry Soy Frappucino recipe to eliminate a common red dye made from crushed cochineal bugs, in favor of a tomato-based extract. Here’s a radical idea, what about using strawberries?

Newt Gingrich is apparently still getting Secret Service protection. Although at this point the security detail has been reduced to three people. Curiously, that’s about as many as his remaining supporters.”


An Alabama football player has been hospitalized following a fight where shots were fired. What’s was the kid doing, trying to get on the draft radar for the Cincinnati Bengals?

The Colts have apparently told Andrew Luck he’ll be their #1 pick. In related news a Kenyan won the Boston Marathon.

Carnival-owned Princess Cruises doing an internal investigation because one of their ships allegedly ignored a small boat in distress and two men died. Will the captain’s defense be that he just thought it was another Costa captain who fell into a lifeboat?

About 50 students at Berkeley High School in California will be suspended and two or three expelled for a scheme where they got into the school’s computer and were able to change their attendance record for several months. Wonder how many high tech companies have offered the kids who were involved jobs?

Bud Selig said today that the Oakland A’s need a new stadium to survive, but he has “no timetable” for the resolution of their territorial rights issue with the Giants, an issue Selig formed a “blue ribbon committee” for over 3 years ago. Even Brett Favre is saying “Make up your bleeping minds.”

Arkansas AD Jeff Long says he has 25 pages of detailed notes from ex-coach Petrino and Jessica Dorrell about their relationship. Now court documents say John Edwards’ trial will include “intimate voice-mail messages” between him and Rielle Hunter. Which of these wins the TMI award?

Former Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino told his boss that his affair with Jessica Dorrell only began last fall when they were sitting in a car eating lunch and she said “are you going to kiss me?” Where’s the “Just say No” campaign when you need it.

Petrino said his affair with Jessica Dorrell lasted about 5 months and was over in February. Right. Nothing says a relationship is over like a secret motorcycle ride for two at midnight.

SMU hired Larry Brown as their head men’s basketball coach. Brown, 71, hasn’t coached since he looked over-the-hill in 2010 and left the Charlotte Bobcats with a 9-19 record. Considering the Bobcats this year are 7-54, Larry now looks like a genius by comparison.

Obama re-election campaign offering supporters a chance to enter a raffle for dinner with the President and Georgy Clooney. Wonder if Romney campaign will counter with a raffle for Mitt and Ted Nugent?

A Delta Airlines flight leaving JFK Airport today hit a flock of birds and had to return for an emergency landing. No injuries were reported. Well, except for the birds.

The way the San Jose Sharks playing Thursday night looks like someone pulled the plug on their power plays.

The Vatican is blasting the “Leadership Conference of Women Religious”, a U.S. group they say sponsors conferences that feature “radical feminist themes incompatible with the Catholic faith,” including supporting Obamacare. The members of this “liberal” group? 55,000 American nuns..

From Marc Ragovin: “As Jamie Moyer labored to get his record setting win at age 49, many wondered if he would make it out of the seventh inining. Literally.”


And open note to readers. ESPN.com has decided to put their fun weekly Top 10 Readers Lines on a given subject on hiatus at least for a while. So to very partially fill in the hole, I’m going to try a few Top 10’s on this blog. First week – “10 ten signs lines about how old Jamie Moyer is” Reader suggestions encouraged in comments. Aiming for Monday morning post.

(and yes, I know this is like shooting fish in a barrel. With a musket.)

Crazy?

March 3, 2012

An article in an upcoming article in CFA magazine (a trade publication for investment professionals) says that one out of every 10 Wall Street employees is probably a clinical psychopath. Only one in 10?

Darwin runner-up of the week: A 9 year old boy is recovering after being attacked by a cheetah when he, his mother, and two friends decided to get out of their car at a Dutch Safari park. The park said in a statement that, “Sadly, they missed the warning signs telling them to keep doors and windows shut.”

(Follow-up thought and bad pun of the week – was the cat looking for Chee-toes? Or Chee-fingers?)

The Yankees have indicated they will cut payroll from $210 million to $187 million by 2014. This is like Mitt Romney saying his wife won’t always have the latest model Cadillacs.

$187 million? Isn’t that about a decade’s payroll for the Pittsburgh Pirates?”

Email from R.I.M./ Blackberry “Totally new. Completely exciting. All BlackBerry.” I’d settle for “We’ve figured out how to keep our system from crashing.”

Reactions around the NFL from other teams to the Saints’ bounty program. 1. We are outraged. 2. Quick, purge all our computer files.

Here we go. Now it comes out that the Washington Redskins also had a bounty system for their defense. Fortunately for Redskins opponents the team was as good at taking out opposing players as they were at everything else.

Regarding that 41 year old Modesto high school teacher who quit to shack up with an 18 year old student. Is he hoping to be Secretary of Education in a possible Gingrich administration? (The age gap is the same actually with Newt and Callista)

Sleep Train has dropped their advertising on Rush Limbaugh’s show after his “slut” comments about a college student who wanted to testify on birth control insurance. A bizarre sidelight is that Rush, on his fourth marriage, at least one that started with an affair while he was married, would dare call ANYONE a slut.

If you’re reading this….

February 5, 2012

You must have all your Super Bowl shopping done.

Based on the crowds in Safeway, today is clearly the junk food shopping equivalent of the day before Thanksgiving.

Fidel Castro has released a 1,000 page memoir, saying “I have to take advantage now, because memories fade. I am willing to do everything possible to share everything I remember well.” In related news, John McCain has released a memoir pamphlet.

Police used a stun gun on a North Carolina woman who cut the line at a McDonald’s drive-thru and refused to move. A stun gun, really? Isn’t that a bit of overkill. Now, if she had blocked a morning line at Starbucks…..

How the .1 percenters stay that way. Meg Whitman, when she took over as CEO of Hewlett Packard, took a $1 salary. But she got stock options that brought her compensation to $16.5 million. (No doubt much of that will be considered capital gains at a 15% tax rate)

Scary thought if it hasn’t happened already. How long until kids grow up thinking Roman numerals are just another NFL creation for Super Bowl week?


On Saturday afternoon, the NY Giants “accidentally” posted on their website that the team was Super Bowl champions. What hubris. Wonder if the errant employee involved used to work for the Yankees?

As if we needed more proof that the 1% is not actually suffering any recession symptoms, USA Today reports that even though the SF 49ers haven’t broken ground in Santa Clara yet, the team reports having already sold $138 million in luxury suites.

If President Obama dropped in to listen to Mitt Romney’s victory speech in Nevada, he would at least double the black turnout.

According to CNN, in the veterinarians classified 53% of adult dogs in the U.S. and 55% of cats as overweight or obese. Well that’s still probably a lower percentage than their owners.

Poor Mitt Romney, he’s starting to remind folks of C. Montgomery Burns, without Smithers.


Newt Gingrich is fighting allegations that he is being petty and childish. So he refers to Romney’s comment about not caring about poor people as a “boo-boo?”

(My friend Dave Ribeiro says Newt’s favorite drink is “scotch and wa-wa.”)

Congrats to the 49ers Jim Harbaugh who was voted NFL Coach of the Year, with 45 votes out of 50 votes. Three voters went to the Packers’ Mike McCarthy and two went to Denver’s John Fox. McCarthy presumably got votes for not messing up the defending champions. But did those two vote for Fox because God wasn’t on the ballot?

You cannot make this “stuff” up dept: Indiana’s Secretary of State, the state’s top election official, has been convicted of six felony charges for lying about his address on voter registration forms. (False registration, voting in another precinct, submitting a false ballot, theft and two counts of perjury.)

Serious PR disaster for the Komen Foundation this week with their temporary decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood. Did you really think you could do something that stupid and no one would notice? – asked Anthony Weiner.

What’s in a name?

January 21, 2012

The Cleveland Indians pitcher formerly known as Fausto Carmona apologized for lying about his name and his age. After Leo Nunez of the Marlins was caught doing the same thing. If they are ever traded for each other it could be the first trade solely involving two players to be named later.

Brilliant analysis from New England Patriots QB Tom Brady on his website, “The team that’s going to win this weekend is the team that plays the best.”

How weird is this NBA season? Tonight the Lakers lost to the Magic, and the Clippers lost to the T’Wolves. And the Clippers’ loss was more surprising.

Although he hasn’t read it and says he won’t read it, Tiger Woods is already ripping former coach Hank Haney’s upcoming book about him: “I think people understand that this book is about money.” And Tiger’s point is?

Tiger Woods claims he has not read the upcoming book by his former coach Hank Haney, but he is already criticizing it.

Sort of like those GOP candidates who say they haven’t seen their Super PAC commercials but can describe them word for word.

So in conservative South Carolina, Mitt Romney may lose to a serial adulterer who told one of his wives he wanted an open marriage. To paraphrase Sally Field, Mitt should be thinking – “You don’t like me, you REALLY don’t like me.”

Newt Gingrich says he was just misunderstood. He still does mean that marriage is between one man and one woman. He just meant to qualify that with “in bed, at the same time.”

All this controversy about Gingrich wanting an open marriage. Newt already HAD an open marriage, he just wanted Marianne’s permission.

The St. Louis Rams have announced they will play a regular season game in London in each of the next three NFL seasons. And from “across the pond” come the cries “Hey mates, haven’t we suffered enough?”

Only 30 days until pitchers and catchers report. So, okay Cubs fans, time to order those “Countdown to elimination clocks.”

Newt Gingrich said of our President – “He’s likeable. I would never beat Obama in a personality contest.” Yes, but the scary thing for the GOP…Gingrich does beat Mitt Romney in a personality contest.

The blond hostess who was seen drinking with the Costa captain the night the ship sank is denying rumors they were romantically involved. She told an Italian paper he always was showing pictures of his daughter and that “A man who wants a lover does not behave like that.”

Uh, not saying the two were or they weren’t involved. But Bill Clinton doted on Chelsea.

From Michael Hayne: “If Mitt Romney wants to get rid of Newt Gingrich, he just needs to become seriously ill and Newt will leave.”

And from Marc Ragovin, a last word on Tim Tebow.

Here’s a way to describe “passes completed/attempts” in a typical Tebow game: Tim 3:16

That sinking feeling.

January 20, 2012

Thirty minutes after the Costa Concordia hit the rocks, the captain is heard insisting that his cruise ship only had a blackout. That’s like Captain John Smith saying “it was only a little ice.”

According to an Italian newspaper, Costa Concordia Captain Schettino said to a judge that he miscalculated when steering the ship close to the island of Giglio to perform a sail-past salute to people onshore. But added “I’m a victim of my own kindness.” “A victim of his own kindness? I like “fell into the lifeboat” better.

As my friend Alex Schubert says, “He miscalculated steering a ship, but he somehow managed to make a dead on calculation when taking a giant plunge into a tiny lifeboat.”

The story now is that the married 52 year old captain was drinking wine a dinner with a 25 year old blonde dancer, less than an hour before he put the ship on the rocks. Really? This guy wasn’t acting like a captain, he was acting like a future U.S. Presidential candidate.

Let’s hope it doesn’t come out that the Captain called Rick Perry to ask the three things he should do in the event of a crash.

Now the National Enquirer is reported that Khloe Kardashian’s father is O.J. Simpson. You know what this story coming out means? Ratings for their television show must be falling.

All this talk about the potential damage that may come from Marianne Gingrich’s statement that Newt wanted an open marriage…. Did we forget that Americans elected Bill Clinton President twice?

A 65 year old lawyer was arrested with a loaded handgun in her carryon as she boarded a flight at DFW Airport. Reportedly she “forgot” about the gun. TSA apparently saw the weapon but didn’t stop the woman so flights were delayed until they were able to find her. In TSA’s defense, they got everyone immediately with those illegal water bottles.

So Rick Perry, another candidate who claimed God told him to run is out of the GOP Presidential race. Appears that God has recently lost interest in politics and American football.

One of the hardest things to understand about Newt Gingrich and his affairs…. that there are actually three women who wanted to sleep with him.

The latest vote count out of Iowa shows Rick Santorum winning by 34 votes, but GOP officials call it a “split decision.” Who was running these caucuses? The BCS?

When told of Perry’s exit from the race, Mitt Romney said “We’re gonna miss him.” “Not half as much as we will”, responded Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Eastman Kodak has filed for bankruptcy. At one point the company was so iconic that their Kodachrome film was immortalized in a Paul Simon song. Said most under 30s – “What’s Kodachrome?” Said most under 20s – “What’s film?”

Marianne Gingrich did an interview with ABC where she lambastes Newt for cheating on her with his future third wife. Right, as opposed to the cheating he did with Marianne on his first wife.

Marianne Gingrich also said that Newt wanted an “open marriage.” Is the timing of this interview a shameless push for Bill Clinton’s endorsement.

Most unfortunate thing about tonight’s Lakers-Heat game? Someone had to win.

A 65 year old lawyer was arrested with a loaded handgun in her carry-on as she boarded a flight at DFW Airport. Reportedly she “forgot” about the gun. TSA apparently saw the weapon but didn’t stop the woman so flights were delayed until they were able to find her. In TSA’s defense, they got everyone immediately with those illegal water bottles.

(and well, years ago Ann Richards did speak out about the concealed weapons law in Texas, which proponents said was for women’s protection, saying she didn’t presume to speak for all Texas women, but she didn’t think “most of us could find a gun in our purse”)

Bowling for dollars?

December 22, 2011

An Arizona prosecutor decided not to prosecute any of the 31 politicians and 3 lobbyists for accepting free game tickets and/or trips from the Fiesta Bowl. (He blames this on “complex and contradictory” laws.) Proving once again, the only people who get punished for bad college football behavior are future players.

Yale football coach Tom Williams resigned after the school investigated whether he lied on his resume about being a Rhodes Scholarship finalist at Stanford. The coach now admits he never applied for the scholarship. A matter of honor, or a matter that in Willams’ tenure, the Bulldogs were 16-14, but 0-3 against Harvard?

TCU, who just missed a BCS bid, plays Wednesday against Louisiana Tech in the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, at “Snapdragon by Qualcomm Stadium”. (Really.) The full title may take longer to say than the most people cared about the game.

Ah technology. Golden State Warriors guard Monta Ellis is the latest to be accused of sending a woman unwanted sexts including a photo of his genitalia. Reminds me of something my friend Alex Kaseberg said, paraphrased it’s “Doesn’t matter if you’re an athlete, a politician or a rock star, NO WOMAN wants to see a picture of your junk.”

It is enough to make many famous men long for the old pre-cellphone days, when at least cheating could be done with plausible deniability.

-,

White Castle is doing a one-restaurant experiment in Lafayette, Indiana of serving beer and wine with their burgers. The chain may have the sequence backwards, it’s usually only AFTER drinking that White Castle sounds good.

“Restore Our Future” is an independent PAC supporting Mitt Romney by running negative ads against Newt Gingrich. “Restore Our Future?” Many in Massachusetts wish they could just restore the old Mitt Romney.

Sarah (remember me?) Palin is criticizing the White House Christmas card.. Instead of highlighting “family, faith and freedom, it just shows the Obama’s dog, Bo, in a room decorated for Christmas, with the message “From our family to yours, may your holidays shine with the light of the season.” Maybe Obama chose to feature Bo because he has the family’s highest approval ratings?

An Iowa voter reportedly referred to Newt Gingrich as a “f-cking a–hole.” No word on whether it was one of his ex-wives.

Aaron Rodgers won the AP 2011 Male Athlete of the Year. Presumably vote taken before last week’s Chiefs game. Packers fans are hoping it’s not a SI Cover type jinx.

Must be hard than we thought to make ends meet as a retired NFL Superstar. Here’s what Joe Montana is up to Jan 12. (thru Living Social) “Joe Montana Fan Experience, 1.5 hours, Two Drinks, Two Raffle Tickets, and Food ($119); with Signed Photo of Joe Montana ($199); or with Signed Photo and 30-Minute VIP Meet and Greet and Photo with Joe Montana ($399)

Washington, D.C., Christmas verse – Twas almost the night before the payroll tax break expired, and all through the House, not a creature was stirring, not even a Louse.

From Marc Ragovin: Gary Johnson switichng from the GOP to the Libertarian primary will have as much impact as the Astros switching from the NL to the AL

Reunions and separations.

December 17, 2011

Brian Wilson is reuniting with the Beach Boys for a 50th anniversary tour. No doubt a featured hit will be “Help Me Rhonda, I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.”

(Or “Fun, Fun, Fun until my kids and the DMV take my T-bird away.”)

Upon reflection on Vanessa Bryant’s filing for divorce,, two questions emerge. 1. Did Kobe get room service anywhere lately? 2. Did Vanessa just find out about Callista Gingrich’s $500,000 line of credit at Tiffany’s?

Kobe and Vanessa are apparently sharing custody of their children. Wonder who gets custody of the jewelry.

Barry Bonds has been sentenced to 30 days house arrest, and 2 years probation. Well, makes sense, if they throw everyone who hasn’t been truthful about PEDs behind bars we’d need to build a lot more prisons.

Hamleys, London’s most famous toy store, has this Christmas eliminated its pink “girls” and blue “boys” floors, and has said they will no longer group toys by gender. Why do I think that if they were in the U.S. at least one GOP presidential candidate would accuse them of violating the Constitution.

Just wondering, did former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney bet anyone $10,000 on the Patriots-Broncos game?

Ron Paul said on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno that, while he is 76, his “ideas are young.” Well, not as young as Mitt Romney’s, since he’s only had his current ideas for a four or five years max.

And Ron Paul, while he has some odd ideas, is certainly different from most of the other GOP candidates. For starters, his sentences have nouns, subjects, verbs….

The Canadian Transportation Agency has said that Canadian Airlines (Air Canada and WestJet) must either ban cats on flights with allergic passengers, or else provide cat-free buffer zones and effective ventilation. Could they do the same for folks who wear too much perfume, don’t bathe, or spend the flight talking loudly nonstop?

Mitt Romney, who once worked for a health-care consulting company, told an audience today that until he got into government, he didn’t understand the difference between Medicaid and Medicare. Is Mitt trying now to appeal to Rick Perry voters?

Top four ESPN.com headlines Friday were about the Penn State trial, Bonds’ sentencing, the Bears cutting Hurd after his drug dealing arrest, and the NFL upholding Harrison’s suspension. I’ll tell you, even as a pro-choice woman who isn’t very religious, listening to Tebow’s thanking his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” is sounding pretty good by comparison.

Britney Spears, 30, is now engaged to be married for the third time. Wonder if that means when she gets tired of singing, Spears is planning a career in national GOP politics.

Newt Gingrich STILL maintains that the $1.6 million he got from Freddie Mac was simply for giving advice as a historian. We could only wish. If that were the going rate, history professors on college campuses would be richer than football coaches.

It must be the holiday season. The House passed an emergency $1 trillion budget bill by a bipartisan 296-121 vote. These days I wouldn’t have thought you could get a 296-121 vote to pass a resolution saying “Merry Christmas.”


Let’s hope Mike McQueary finally told the truth today about that shower incident back in 2002. But one question I’d like to ask Mike – “You saw that, you told people, and yet Sandusky remained around campus and you know nothing happened. Didn’t you ever feel that maybe you should have gone to the police?

Geaux Clippers?

December 15, 2011

Now that New Orleans star Chris Paul is heading to Los Angeles, will the team’s motto be “Geaux Clippers”?

So Chris Paul is now a Clipper. Well, he’ll probably get about as many passes from Kobe Bryant as he would if he had joined the Lakers.

As a Wilt, Kareem, and Magic fan, but NOT a Kobe fan, will be nice to have a Los Angeles team I can root for again. Griffin and Paul MIGHT even be worth watching an NBA regular season game for….


CNN’s Jack Cafferty is musing “Is Mitt Romney the Hillary Clinton of 2012?” Heck, Mitt Romney isn’t even the Mitt Romney of 2008.

As reported by the U.K. Daily Mail, South Carolina man has been charged with stabbing his wife to death while they shopped in a local Walmart last weekend. But it being two weeks before Christmas, Walmart management just roped off the area with crime scene tape for police and continued open for business as usual.

Mitt Romney said when running for Senate in Massachusetts that he would be a “better for gay rights than Ted Kennedy.” Newt Gingrich once made an ad for Al Gore’s climate advocacy group with Nancy Pelosi. As flexible as these two are on positions, if either of them get the GOP nomination will they run to the right or left of President Obama?

Time’s “Person of the Year” is “The Protester.” Thereby seriously disappointing Mitt Romney who thought it should have been “The Corporation.”


The Detroit Lions are playing the Oakland Raiders this weekend. Which means two “over-unders” in Vegas. One on the score, and one on the fines Monday.

Rick Santorum told CNN that he’s the “sober” candidate. Really? The thought of him as President would drive millions of Americans to drink.

The FAA has approved iPads for use in cockpits. This means the pilots can use digital documents that replace 35 pounds of paper and books. Not to mention play “Words with Friends” and download cocktail recipes.

(My friend John wonders, will they need to turn them off for takeoffs and landings?)

Open Table, the reservation reservation system, has come up with their list of 100 Top Restaurants in the U.S. Including the Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse in Jacksonville, Florida. With all due respect, most people think the Ruth’s Chris isn’t even the top restaurant in Jacksonville.

“Today” anchor Ann Curry questioned Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer Joe Amendola’s competence in asking why he waived a preliminary hearing. Amendola replied that a hearing would have only provided the media with “a feeding frenzy” and “we had very little to gain.” With that reasoning, why the heck did he allow Sandusky to do the Bob Costas interview?

Sad that Lowe’s has pulled ads for “All American Muslim,” which seems the most innocuous, even boring reality show. I’d cheerfully boycott them, except I’ve never set foot inside on of their stores.


Some in the GOP would try to refer to President Barack Obama as an “All American Muslim,” except that then they would have to admit that he is American.

Not so great debate?

December 9, 2011

Rick Perry became the latest GOP presidential contender to opt out of Trump’s debate. Had he stayed in, the Donald would have had three confirmed candidates. And three is not a number Perry feels comfortable with.

The only candidates confirmed for the Trump debate are Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich.

Of course, most people think that in the big picture Gingrich is really taking on Mitt Romney. And given Newt’s history of “flexibility” on his positions, maybe Gingrich can use the time to debate himself.

Trump’s debate is scheduled for December 27. At this point it may end up as eagerly anticipated as the Clippers’ season opener.

In honor, or maybe I should say “dishonor” of former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, Spirit Airlines is having a “seat selling” sale, of $14 one-way fares from Chicago to seven cities. Of course what they don’t say, if you take advantage of their “seat-selling” you may end up feeling somewhat “confined.”

(Of course, if they really wanted to emulate Blagojevich, maybe Spirit should be trying to sell the same seat to several different people.)

Kris Humphries will be baking cookies Friday morning on “Good Morning, America.” Wonder how long it will take one of the Kardashians to say it’s all about self-promotion?

Newt Gingrich’s sister has backed President Obama for re-election. Nice timing, just after any potential family Thanksgiving dinners.

Jerry Sandusky’s wife just said that her husband is innocent of the all child sex abuse allegations against him and that all his accusers are making up their stories. Proving once again, Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

(my friend Jim McCann asks “How long would Jerry pause when asked, “Are you still attracted to your wife?”)

People Magazine is reporting that Michelle Duggar has miscarried her 20th child. Sounds like even God is saying “ENOUGH ALREADY!”


The Duggars are enough to make even Tim Tebow consider an ad for Planned Parenthood.

Something no one thought we would hear on sports talk radio in 2011 – discussions of whether the 49ers should rest Alex Smith to keep him healthy and in good shape for the playoffs.

New Democratic ad: “We’re going to close the unproductive tax loopholes that have allowed some of the truly wealthy to avoid paying their fair share. They sometimes made it possible for millionaires to pay nothing, while a bus driver was paying 10% of his salary – and that’s crazy. Do you think the millionaire ought to pay more in taxes than the bus driver?” Quoting that noted liberal Ronald Reagan.

Albert Pujols had indicated he liked St. Louis, but might want to be closer to his family in the Dominican Republic. Guess the Angels gave him 254 million good reasons to try California.

Now that Pujols has signed for $254 million, wonder how Angels pitcher Jared Weaver feels about having given the team that “hometown discount” of a five year $85 million contract.

Rumors that the Rangers now may go after Prince Fielder in response to the Angels’ signing of Albert Pujols. This could end up being a good off-season for the Cubs after all.

Apparently Barack has remembered where he put his cajones. Republican candidates Bachmann, Gingrich, Santorum and Romney accused him in a forum Wednesday of being engaged in a foreign policy of “appeasement.” The President’s response -“Ask Osama bin Laden.

Plane crazy.

December 7, 2011

Alec Baldwin was kicked off a plane today at LAX, and later tweeted “Flight attendant on American reamed me out 4 playing WORDS W FRIENDS while we sat at the gate, not moving.” Two thoughts, if he’s going to be that much of an a** Baldwin should buy his own plane, and there are advantages to being a luddite – I don’t even know how to play WORDS W FRIENDS on my phone.

Wonder how long until someone will start marketing books and paper Sudokos crossword puzzles as “inflight entertainment you don’t have to turn off.”


Apparently Baldwin lost his temper too, and yelled at the flight attendant. Maybe she reminded him of his daughter?


Wouldn’t it have been more appropriate if he were playing “Angry Birds?”

The “Over-Under” in Las Vegas for the Alabama-LSU game is 39. Is that Alabama 3, LSU 9?

The Kraft Fight Hunger bowl will pit two fired coaches – Ron Zook of Illinois and Rick Neuheisel of UCLA – against each other. Though both coaches has handsome enough severance packages that neither will be worrying about food stamps.

NFL analysts still talking about the Dallas Cowboys’ failure to call one of their time outs at the end of the game. (It would have given them an extra play to go for a shorter field goal or even a chance for a touchdown.) Where’s Chris Webber when you need him?

The Big East has announced their new members for 2013. Boise State, SMU, Central Florida, and…. San Diego State. Really? San Diego isn’t even in Eastern California. (Though it is east of San Francisco and Los Angeles.)

Maybe San Diego State was added to make Boise State feel more Eastern.

The NFL has suspended Washington Redskins tight end Fred Davis and left tackle Trent Williams four games each for violating the league’s substance abuse policy. Guess the league didn’t buy the players’ excuse, that playing for a Dan Snyder team would drive anyone in their right mind to drugs.

A new planet has been discovered that has the potential to support life. Or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof – like Mitt Romney.


From Marc Ragovin: “Newt Gingrich said he’s gonna mop the floor with his fellow contenders at the next GOP debate. Well actually he said he’d get some poor ten-year to do it.”


The latest Gallup poll of GOP presidential contenders has Jon Huntsman at one percent. Guess that SNL appearance really boosted his candidacy.

Rick Santorum now says that he is against gay marriage because if it were legal then “their sexual activity” would be seen as “equal” to heterosexual sexuality. Uh, how exactly does he know it isn’t?

Turns out two passengers sustained minor injuries in Ndamukong Suh’s car crash this past weekend. One described him as “going so fast, it was violent.” Bet that’s the last time anyone riding with Suh tells him to “step on it.”

An 85 year old woman is complaining she was strip-searched at JFK airport. You would think TSA would be more respectful of United’s First Class flight attendants.

Yet another accuser has come forward against Jerry Sandusky. At this point it looks like the only chance the formerly revered Penn State coach has to be acquitted is to hold the trial in Los Angeles.

Happy Cyber Monday.

November 28, 2011

Today, November 28 is this year’s Cyber Monday. The day American women prove they can be as unproductive at work as men are during the first rounds of March Madness.

Barnes and Noble’s ad “Cyber Monday is here, plan your lunch break accordingly.” Wonder if their ad agency was able to write that with a straight face.

On a brighter note, many Americans will at least find their friends are too busy to send them “copy this as your status,” messages, or Farmville requests.


Another week, another loss for the Colts. Andrew Luck next year is looking at playing for another team that isn’t quite good enough to make it to the BCS title game. (Or heck, maybe even a BCS bowl.)

Okay, kind of hope I’m wrong because I’d rather believe the best of people. But who wants to join me in a prediction that Jim Boeheim follows Joe Paterno into at least temporary unemployment?

Up in Canada, the B.C. (British Columbia) Lions won the Grey Cup (the CFL equivalent of the Super Bowl), after starting the season with not only low expectations, but also a 0-5 record. So in other words, the Lions turned out to be the anti-Miami Heat.

But really, 0-5? And the Lions made this great comeback apparently without divine intervention or even his chosen messenger Tim Tebow.

The half-time entertainment for the Grey Cup? -Nickleback.

So Canada may not have serious big time football. But at least for their championship game they have halftime entertainment that music fans under 30 actually listen to.

In OT, Chargers 13, Broncos 16. Ever get the idea that God sent Tim Tebow just to “mess” with the heads of NFL experts?

Never been a fan of athletes who spend a lot of time thanking God. On the other hand, Tebow isn’t raping women, getting in bar fights, or being arrested for some combination of alcohol, drugs and guns. And he makes “experts” look stupid. Starting to seriously root for the guy.


Bill Clinton referred to Newt Gingrich as “articulate.” Several other GOP candidates couldn’t decide if that was a compliment or insult until they googled “articulate.”

The N.H. Union Leader endorsed Newt Gingrich for President. Which puts Newt in position to follow their last endorsements. Presidents Pete DuPont (1988), Pat Buchanan (1992 and 1996), Steve Forbes (2000), and John McCain (2008).

As the child molestation allegations mount, Syracuse University on Sunday fired associate basketball coach Bernie Fine. Just one question – what took them so long?

In the “bus to hell” department, assume no late night comic will dare make “I feel Fine,” jokes…


And on a serious note, the worst thing to my mind about the Jerry Sandusky-Bernie Fine stories: Wondering how many others of these perverts are in high school and college programs who haven’t been caught (or turned in) yet.

Gentlemen, start your field goal practices:

November 22, 2011

If LSU ends up playing Alabama in the BCS National Championship will the game be be sponsored by Sherwin Williams? Because another Field Goal derby would be like watching paint dry.

Jay Cutler is out for the year. Wonder how long it took for that phone call from Hattiesburg, Mississippi to Chicago saying “I’m available.”

Fox’s Megyn Kelly referred to the pepper spray that University Police used on U.C. Davis students as “a food product.” Well, heck, let’s put the stuff in school cafeterias then. The spray could be used both for discipline problems and as a vegetable.

Ground staff at Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport are staging a series of two-hour
strikes this week. Which means Lucy and her Diamonds may be in the Sky, but not, alas, you and your luggage.

So for a prescription, Walgreen’s was out of Allegra in the 30 count bottle. Which was $9.99. But they had two 15 count packets, which they say they would sell me $27.98. And the young woman behind the counter didn’t see the problem. If corporations are people, they are the greedy, stupid relatives you don’t want to see at Thanksgiving.

Newt Gingrich is defending his third wife, who he “dated” for six years while married to his second wife. Newt claimed that lies have been told about Callista, and “it’s not fair.” I guess Gingrich feels that if there are going to be lies involving any of his wives, he should be the one to tell them.

TCU placekicker Ross Evans has been charged with kicking in the door of a Denton, Texas apartment, supposedly while trying to receive his cell phone. Evans is free on bail but has been charged with criminal mischief. Had he only been Alabama’s placekicker Ross would have missed the door wide right.

A recent poll showed Newt Gingrich leading the GOP primary as far as being the best potential “Commander in Chief.” Or it’s possible respondents misheard the question, and thought they were answering “Who’ll make the best PHILANDERER in Chief?”

Retired Florida football coach Urban Meyer says he hasn’t received an offer from Ohio State, but if he they do offer him the coaching job, “I’ll have a decision to make.” Presumably whether he wants to spend more time tattooing his family?


(This next will make the most sense to Canadian readers. But anyway…)

British Columbia, who started the Canadian Football Season 0-5, is in the Grey Cup, and Detroit looks to be heading for the NFL playoffs. Guess with the success of avowed Christian Tim Tebow, God wanted to dole out a measure of success for the Lions.

So brothers Jim and John Harbaugh will square off as NFL coaches on Thanksgiving. Given the relationship, and Jim’s known propensity for “enthusiasm,” will the post-game handshake be replaced by a pillow-fight?

The University of Arizona announced the hiring of Rich Rodriguez as their new football coach by Twitter. Makes some sense, one of the few printable things fans in Michigan might say about Rodriguez is that he is a first class twit.


In the “a plague on both your houses” category: In the private sector if your job is to come up with a budget in two months and you come back to your boss and say “Sorry, couldn’t do it,” you are looking at unemployment.

This just in, the Congressional Super Committee has failed to come up with a deficit reduction plan. But they did agree that Candy Corn and Boston Baked Beans Candy both qualify as vegetables.

(added my friend Bill Schmarzo, “does that mean Swedish Fish qualifies as a protein?”)

Really, folks, the super-committee’s failure is disappointing. But realistically they had about as much chance of success as the Washington Redskins did of making the playoffs.


From T.C. “Hidden-camera footage taken at Sparboe Poultry facilities show birds being abused. McDonalds has terminated business with this supplier. ‘These people are creepy, sick, demented and need help,’ says Jerry Sandusky.” – TC in BC

Was the ring the thing?

June 23, 2011

Phoenix Suns president Lon Babby called into a Phoenix radio station  to say” I have said it a zillion times. We are not trading Steve Nash,” 

Translation, no one made them a good enough offer.

George Clooney and Elisabetta Canalis announced they have ended their two-year relationship, possibly over his unwillingness to propose marriage.

“So what?” responded millions of men. “There’s still hope,” responded millions of women.

Now we are hearing that Newt Gingrich had a second line of credit at Tiffany’s for $1 million. This level of credit line was known privately at the store as a “Kobe Special.”

Meanwhile, more campaign staffers are deserting  Gingrich. The only way this story could be any better is if some of them went to work for his ex-wives.

North Carolina has received an NCAA notice of allegations from the NCAA outlining numerous “potential major violations” in football. Guess this settles it, the Tarheels have officially arrived as a major football program.

Okay, who predicted this. If the All-Star pitchers were chosen today, the San Francisco Giants starter who most deserves to make the team is…. . Ryan Vogelsong?!!

(and non-Giants fans, yes, look it up  – 5 and 1 record, with an ERA of 1.86  – well over a run lower than any other starter on the staff.)

The US beat Panama in the Gold Cup semi-final Wednesday night. Prompting this response from many American sports fans “That’s really great, what sport were we playing?”

Mark Cuban may now be interested in buying the Dodgers. And it could happen.  Frank McCourt may have accomplished the impossible – getting Bud Selig to think Cuban might be the lesser of any two evils as an owner.

Sad news, Glen Campbell has announced he has Alzheimer’s. The only silver lining, soon he won’t remember the outfits he wore for Rhinestone Cowboy.

Sarah Palin has reportedly quit her bus tour halfway through. Wow, Santa must have decided that as a group comedy writers had been very very good last year.

Follow up story later today:  Sarah Palin now disputes reports that she has canceled her bus tour. She posted on Facebook that she’s been called for jury duty, and that she will resume the tour “when the time comes.” Does Sarah really think she’d be picked? Neither side would expect her to stay through the whole trial.

Two I wish I’d written:

From Marc Ragovin:  Jack McKeon walking out to the mound to make a pitching change is the baseball equivalent of the four corners offense.

From Jim Barach:  A 90 year old Florida woman married a man she met on match.com. The amazing part is that she thought she was buying a comforter on eBay.

Summer time, and the laughing is easy.

June 22, 2011

One of the new popular items at county fairs this summer is apparently deep-fried Kool-Aid balls. (really.) Assume the price on them is $4.20.

Another example of why when you wish/pray for something, it is important to be specific.   The Giants lost to the Twins tonight 9-2, after Minnesota scored 8 runs in the first inning.  How many SF Giants fans said before the game- “God, I am so tired of watching great pitching wasted in 2-1 losses”?

Another day, another Republican candidate. Today it’s Jon Huntsman, who says he wants to “create jobs.” Waiting for the honest man or woman who really states the GOP platform – “More tax breaks for millionaires.”

Dirk Nowitzki is now trying to decide whether to take the summer off, or play for the German National Team. Or he could make a Lebron like compromise – play for the German team, but take the fourth quarter off.

Now Newt Gingrich’s campaign finance staff has resigned. To paraphrase an old joke, at this point the main difference between Newt’s presidential campaign and Elvis, is that everyone knows the campaign is dead.

“Lost” actor Doug Hutchison, 51, announced that he has married his 16-year-old girlfriend, Courtney Alexis Stodden. Even Hugh Hefner is saying “Now that’s just creepy.”

Princess Cruise Lines is now dropping both Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta as a port on their seven-day cruises from Los Angeles, citing concerns over “the continued violence in these areas.” Really? If the cruise line was that concerned about violence, they would just drop Los Angeles.

In a report released by the American Customer Satisfication Index, airlines ranked 47th amongst among 47 industries. This despite many survey respondents who tried to rank them 50th.

An Amish man was arrested today in Indiana when he arrived at a 12 year old girl’s house in a horse-drawn buggy . Allegedly he had sent the girl sexually explicit messages. So what is an Amish sext? – A hand written note directing someone to look for naked pictures placed on top of their rotary phone?

This next may only make sense to California readers…

Statement from Gavin Newsom’s spokesperson: “Contrary to rumors and speculations cited in recent media reports, Lt. Governor Newsom has no intention of pursuing a run for the U.S. House of Representatives.” Of course not now – at this point he has no idea where things will end up with redistricting.

Despite many allegations of the contrary, a investigation by the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles of two Columbus-area automobile dealerships found that no state laws were broken as far as used car deals given to Ohio State football players and family members, and that they could not confirm any special deals were tied to free tickets and memorabilia.

The department, however,  declined to release details of  the investigation.  Would just love to see how much Buckeyes’ memorabilia is on display at the BMV. 

Titanic?

June 11, 2011

Most of Newt Gringrich’s campaign staff resigned yesterday. One of those rare instances of the crew leaving a sinking rat.

The winner of a charity auction to have lunch with Warren Buffett, who spent over $2.6 million on his bid, will get several hours of investment advice from Buffett. Starting with  – “Don’t spend $2.6 million to have lunch with anyone.”

A Miami tv station caught Dwyane Wade and Lebron James making fun of Dirk Nowitzki’s sinus infection before game 5. After practice, the two smirked and pretended to cough and wheeze, “Whoa, did y’all hear me cough? I think I’m sick,” Wade said before turning toward James and chuckling. It’s that kind of classy behavior that has made the Heat so beloved across America.

Congratulations to Prince Philip, husband of Queen Elizabeth II, on his 90th birthday. Philip is now the longest serving consort of a monarch in British history. Outlasting all of Henry VIII’s wives combined.

The Mavericks and Heat don’t play game six until Sunday at 9p eastern, so even with practices the players should have been able to kick back and relax  on Friday and Saturday nights. For Lebron, it should be just like an average fourth quarter.

San Francisco Giants are in first place, and won tonight 3-2, despite an almost comical lack of offense. They may not repeat as World Series Champions, but the Giants have an almost certain lock on being named the official baseball team of Major League Soccer.

The New York Yankees’ star relief pitcher Joba Chamberlain has undergone Tommy John surgery and will be out of the season. For many teams, this would be devastating. For the Yankees, it’s kind of like a really rich woman breaking a Manolo Blanhik shoe heel. Sad, but it’s time for some expensive shopping.

Congressman (for now) Weiner wrote a handwritten note to his neighbors: “Please forgive the inconvenience of all the press outside. I am sorry for all I have done that has now impacted you. Hopefully it will soon pass. Anthony” If he’d only done handwritten notes in the first place, there might not be all those press outside.

Hillary Clinton is still trying to retire her 2008 presidential campaign debt. So she is raffling off the chance for supporters to have a date for a day in New York with Bill. Responded Anthony Weiner “Hey, I’d have done it for nothing.”

And here’s some fun for anyone reading this and bored on the weekend  – What historical event do we want an interviewer to ask Sarah Palin about next?