If you’re reading this….

You must have all your Super Bowl shopping done.

Based on the crowds in Safeway, today is clearly the junk food shopping equivalent of the day before Thanksgiving.

Fidel Castro has released a 1,000 page memoir, saying “I have to take advantage now, because memories fade. I am willing to do everything possible to share everything I remember well.” In related news, John McCain has released a memoir pamphlet.

Police used a stun gun on a North Carolina woman who cut the line at a McDonald’s drive-thru and refused to move. A stun gun, really? Isn’t that a bit of overkill. Now, if she had blocked a morning line at Starbucks…..

How the .1 percenters stay that way. Meg Whitman, when she took over as CEO of Hewlett Packard, took a $1 salary. But she got stock options that brought her compensation to $16.5 million. (No doubt much of that will be considered capital gains at a 15% tax rate)

Scary thought if it hasn’t happened already. How long until kids grow up thinking Roman numerals are just another NFL creation for Super Bowl week?

On Saturday afternoon, the NY Giants “accidentally” posted on their website that the team was Super Bowl champions. What hubris. Wonder if the errant employee involved used to work for the Yankees?

As if we needed more proof that the 1% is not actually suffering any recession symptoms, USA Today reports that even though the SF 49ers haven’t broken ground in Santa Clara yet, the team reports having already sold $138 million in luxury suites.

If President Obama dropped in to listen to Mitt Romney’s victory speech in Nevada, he would at least double the black turnout.

According to CNN, in the veterinarians classified 53% of adult dogs in the U.S. and 55% of cats as overweight or obese. Well that’s still probably a lower percentage than their owners.

Poor Mitt Romney, he’s starting to remind folks of C. Montgomery Burns, without Smithers.

Newt Gingrich is fighting allegations that he is being petty and childish. So he refers to Romney’s comment about not caring about poor people as a “boo-boo?”

(My friend Dave Ribeiro says Newt’s favorite drink is “scotch and wa-wa.”)

Congrats to the 49ers Jim Harbaugh who was voted NFL Coach of the Year, with 45 votes out of 50 votes. Three voters went to the Packers’ Mike McCarthy and two went to Denver’s John Fox. McCarthy presumably got votes for not messing up the defending champions. But did those two vote for Fox because God wasn’t on the ballot?

You cannot make this “stuff” up dept: Indiana’s Secretary of State, the state’s top election official, has been convicted of six felony charges for lying about his address on voter registration forms. (False registration, voting in another precinct, submitting a false ballot, theft and two counts of perjury.)

Serious PR disaster for the Komen Foundation this week with their temporary decision to stop funding Planned Parenthood. Did you really think you could do something that stupid and no one would notice? – asked Anthony Weiner.

Explore posts in the same categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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One Comment on “If you’re reading this….”

  1. tc Says:

    that stun gun incident in N Carolina. I’m guessing the cop was an ex RCMP who formerly was stationed at YVR.

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