Archive for the ‘football jokes’ category
September 5, 2019
Antonio Brown may have solved his helmet problem, and now he’s apparently getting suspended by Oakland. Who had “before the season started? in the pool.
Wait, the Steelers actually got two draft picks in exchange for the Raiders taking Antonio Brown off their hands?
After blowing a 6 run lead in the 9th, ESPN headline “Mets bullpen bounces back” in an 8-4 win today against Nationals.
Or is it possible Washington hitters were just exhausted?
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that the SF Giants should never pitch to Paul Goldschmidt.
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Mayor de Blasio says he may drop out of presidential race in October. WTF? Forget eating pizza with a fork, when has a true New Yorker waited a month for ANYTHING?
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So let me get this straight, “Moscow Mitch” says he won’t allow a vote on gun control unless “the President” backs a bill.
But when the last President chose and backed a Supreme Court nominee, he wouldn’t allow a vote either.
Hypocrisy much?
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GOP Congressman Dan Crenshaw complains “With universal background checks, I wouldn’t be able to let my friends borrow my handgun.” Some statements don’t even need a punchline.
But hey, so does Crenshaw loan his car to friends too? Whether or not they have a license?
Imagine if after saying he’d campaigned in all 57 states, Barack Obama had insisted on showing us doctored maps showing there really were 57 states.
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Did Donald Trump think he wouldn’t be caught altering the National Weather Service hurricane map?
Well, he’s not the Sharpie-est tool in the box.
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Fox White House reporter John Roberts on Trump’s efforts to justify his Alabama hurricane mistake – “You can see somebody with a Sharpie or some other writing instruments, added a little bit to the cone of uncertainty, which was not a part of the official forecast.””
Uh oh, someone is not going to be happy with State TV.
So who had the National Weather Service in Trump insult bingo?
So how long until Trump issues a White House invitation for Alabama hurricane survivors?
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes, Trump jokes
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August 25, 2019
Colts fans must feel as shocked and betrayed as if someone stole their team in the middle of the night.
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Wonder how many fans in Indianapolis who booed Andrew Luck as a coward for retiring would cheer if the Colts signed Colin Kaepernick in his place.
But yes, your reminder, Colin Kaepernick is still available.
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Pablo Sandoval to have Tommy John surgery. Wonder if he’ll recover in time to pitch next season.
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Patriots TE Lance Kendricks now joins Benjamin Watson on the suspended list, and safety Patrick Chung has been arrested on a cocaine charge. Gosh, whoever thought Bill Belichick would have so many players doing something illegal?
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Tennessee Volunteers sophomore CB Bryce Thompson arrested for misdemeanor domestic assault after he allegedly threatened to “slap the s— out of” a woman and to “shoot up the school.”
Since Thompson was a Freshman All-American and led the team in interceptions last year, how long until someone decides he’s a nice kid who deserves a second chance?
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Meanwhile, NCAA has put Mississippi State football on probation for academic cheating. Well, good to know they’ve punished the only problem school in the SEC.
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With about 5 weeks left in MLB season, Baltimore GM Mike Elias has fired 11 people in front office and scouting department. He says it’s “to provide those who lost their jobs a jump at getting back into the market.”
Because don’t all other teams want to snatch up talent from the Orioles?
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On Trump tariffs, “This is not the way to proceed. Apart from everything else, those who support the tariffs are at risk of incurring the blame for the downturn in the global economy, irrespective of whether or not that is true.”
This sentence from that noted voice of reason Boris Johnson!!??
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Trump at G7 “The question I was asked most today by fellow World Leaders, who think the USA is doing so well and is stronger than ever before, happens to be, “Mr. President, why does the American media hate your Country so much? Why are they rooting for it to fail?””
Uh, would he like to name ONE of those world leaders?
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How long until Trump claims the Amazon rainforest fires are the fault of Jeff Bezos?
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Joe Walsh says he will primary Donald Trump in 2020. Let me be very clear, I agree with Joe Walsh on very little, and disagree with him strongly on guns and a woman’s right to choose.
But I believe he is a sane person who loves this country. And cannot say the same about Trump.
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Andrew Luck jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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February 5, 2018
Super Bowl LII was watched by 103.4 million Americans, the lowest number since 2009. How much of that was fact NY is biggest media market, and New Yorkers hated both teams?
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If NFL wants better ratings one suggestion is to make the “catch” rule at least as understandable as the balk rule.
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Vince Lombardi trophy last night “”On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
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Meanwhile did the Dow take a knee Monday for Trump?
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Eagles as a team are not Trump pals nor fans. Wonder how long it will take POTUS to declare that Patriots won the Super Bowl electoral college?
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Gisele to her kids “Daddy won five times. They never won before. Their whole life, they never won a Super Bowl. You have to let someone else win sometimes.” So nice of Patriots to “let” Eagles win…
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Tom Brady “Losing sucks.” And in Cleveland they’re stampeding for the violins.
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Good news for Philadelphia police. City may have gone over-the-top on their Super Bowl celebration. But there’s no chance of another anytime soon with the 76ers or Phillies.
If Pepsi wanted to introduce “Quiet Doritos”, for theater or other times when eating in public, guessing they might have a thing. But who the bleep came up with idea of “Lady Doritos?”
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Is the recommended beverage for Lady Doritos a can of New Coke?
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The President of the United States now calling opposition party “un-American” & “treasonous.” Even by banana republic dictator standards that’s pretty over the top.
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So were Republicans who didn’t stand or applaud during Obama’s SOTU also “treasonous?” Asking for a country.
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Give Trump credit – Bigliest one-day drop in the stock market ever.
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Trump calls Devin Nunes a man of “tremendous courage and grit.” I think I like Lindsay Graham’s calling Nunes “Inspector Clouseau” better.
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Really? It took Trump all weekend to think of that name?
Adam Schiff “It may be time for General Kelly to give the President a time out,” How silly. We know Trump isn’t a toddler. Because toddlers are capable of learning.
Categories: football jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Gisele jokes, Janice Hough, stock market jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Tom Brady jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 2, 2018
So Auburn team that beat both Georgia & Alabama was beaten by UCF. Explain to me why undefeated Golden Knights shouldn’t have been in playoffs?
Baker Mayfield after Rose Bowl talked about disappointment of not winning a national title. Fortunately Mayfield isn’t projected #1, or he could find out what it’s like to be disappointed not to win, period. #Browns
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So when did the #RoseBowl turn into college football equivalent of NBA All-Star game? Defense not required.
On a brighter note for those tired of #SEC dominance, at least one team in College Football Championship has a Democratic senator.
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Got nothing against idea of a college football playoff. But #RoseBowl should be between #Pac12 & #BigTen. Period.
may bring plenty of revenue to Stubhub. But w/ game less than 1 1/2 hr from Georgia and 3 hour drive from Alabama .not exactly going to help Atlanta economy. Or Delta Airlines.
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Many had hoped for #Michigan & #Stanford to play in bowl w/ Shaw vs Harbaugh. Probably would have been good game – they couldn’t BOTH blow 2nd-half leads.
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Prime Minister of Australia will be heading to DC for a meeting w/ Donald Trump this Feb. Maybe some of his entourage can take Jared or Donny Jr to a nice wine bar?
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In 2017, Texas had #SutherlandSprings church shooting, plus 8 fatally shot in Plano by angry ex-husband at football party & now man arrested w/ arsenal at Houston hotel before NYE. But all these guys w/ guns were white, so it’s not terrorism…
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Backwards in time? Hawaiian Airlines flight from Auckland took off after midnight Jan 1, 2018, & landed in Honolulu just after 10am on Dec. 31, 2017. GOP is thinking, big deal. we just took the entire country back 50 years..
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As of Jan 1, Californians can now legally buy recreational marijuana. Jobs, jobs, jobs!! Although many of them in fast-food restaurants & at 7-11.
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Today recreational marijuana is legal in Calif. As if companies didn’t have hard enough time getting employees to show up on time after holidays on Jan 2.
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Good thing about not knowing who #LoganPaul was until today, don’t have regrets about spending ANY of my life having watching even one of his videos.
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Trump tweeting about “great Iranian people.” So he’s banning them from entering US because they’re too great & would make Americans feel bad by comparison?
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, college football jokes, georgia jokes, golden knights, Janice Hough, playoff jokes, rose bowl jokes, SEC jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 18, 2017
Robbie Gould, cut by Chicago last year is 30-32 on FG & has made 20 in a row. His replacement Connor Barth is 11 for 16. That’s so Bears #DaBears
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On the other hand, good news for Bears fans. A win against the Browns is on next Sunday’s schedule.
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Announcers for #GBvsCAR talking about how well Packers fans travel to away games. They’re great team w/ great fans…but if you had ANY reason to get out of Green Bay in December..?
With Christmas Eve next Sunday, and lots of shopping and preparation for the holiday, have to wonder how many NFL fans took this Sunday off . Of course no one expected the Seahawks to join them.
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Top HS QB prospect Justin Fields has committed to Georgia over Florida State. Seminoles feeling crabby? Or crab-leggy?
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Power outage at Atlanta airport, a Delta hub, strands thousands of passengers. American and United immediately introduce electricity surcharge.
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Headlines that more than 300 people out of 5,000 on a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship got sick norovirus this week. Wow, that’s almost as many as the number of passengers on any given morning who were hungover.
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Trump lawyer accuses Mueller of obtaining emails illegally – so former FBI director should have just had Russia get them for him?
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Putin reportedly called Trump to thank CIA for tip that helped stop a St. Petersburg bombing. That moment when Pres. of Russia is more positive about U.S. Intelligence than Pres of US…
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I understand why people who’re just getting by would do anything for big tax cut. But when you have more $$$ than you can spend in a lifetime? #CorkerKickback
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Senator Corker said he had no idea about the provision introduced at the last minute into the GOP tax bill that will save him over $1 million in tax a year. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Anyone else think Mnuchin’s Treasury department has spent less time actually analyzing #GOP tax bill than his wife Louise Linton spent making her designer clothing & jewelry Christmas wish list.
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Because Trump thinks he’s done enough already? Tax bill would impose a 20% tax on goods made in Puerto Rico & shipped to mainland. #WTF?
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Browns jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
December 15, 2017
And of 41 college football bowl games, six are on Dec. 16. And if you can name at least half of them without Google, you just might need a life.
Now it’s Dave Brubaker, women’s national team director of Gymnastics Canada, facing sex-charges. Sad. Those days seem so innocent when we “just” worried about gymnasts’ eating disorders.
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Carlos Santana leaves the Indians for the Phillies. 3 years, $60 million. Plus he gets Octobers off!
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NFL owner being investigated for “workplace misconduct.” Millions of Americans disappointed that it isn’t Jerry Jones or Dan Snyder.#JerryRichardson #Panthers
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Now, I adore Kawhi Leonard. But the Spurs are 0-2 since he returned in limited minutes. So maybe this doesn’t burnish his MVP credentials.
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Alabama and San Francisco now have something in common – No Moore.
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AOL is officially killing AIM. And millions of millennials have no idea what either of those are.
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So it’s a May 19 wedding for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Does probably make it easier to remember your anniversary when it’s printed on tea towels.
In an attempt to get Rubio’s vote, GOP plans to increase child tax credit $300. Wow. That ought to pay for a whole week of day care.
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#TaxBill has losses from fires, floods or other events no longer deductible unless covered by specific federal disaster declaration. But GOP will offer lots of thoughts and prayers.
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EPA hires an opposition research firm to help them shape media coverage, CDC can’t use words: “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” & “science-based.”
I liked Orwell better as a novelist than a prophet.
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Trump attacks FBI, saying “People are very, very angry.” “People?” Is that another term for his Russian bot followers?
Trump “visa lottery..really the worst of the worst.” He misspoke on “visa lottery” – meant to say “my system for picking judges.”
Barack Obama dressed up as Santa Claus at a Washington DC Boys & Girls Club. Don’t tell Trump. He’ll repeal Santa.
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, epa jokes, Janice Hough, tax jokes
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December 11, 2017
Giancarlo Stanton sounds positively giddy about leaving #Marlins for #Yankees. And of course NY fans & media will be so supportive if he has anything less than an MVP year.
NFL warned teams today it will begin “significant discipline” to anyone engaging in offensive conduct or contact against game officials.”
What about discipline for offensive officiating?
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On a non-political note, three of the nicest words for Tuesday are “Kawhi Leonard ‘probable.”” #GoSpursGo @Spurs
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According to Hank Schulman Stanton has been spending “Octobers in Europe unable to really watch the playoffs because it just kills him.”
Save this post if Yankees miss 2018 Postseason
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Derek Jeter, on Stanton trade “No, there isn’t anything I would do differently.” Has someone checked former Yankees’ captain for concussions?
Maybe they don’t have Louis Vuitton stores in Lithuania?
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Now it’s #CarsonWentz who is out for the season. With three weeks to go how many stars will be left for the @NFL playoffs?
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Oops. Neither Bangladesh nor Brooklyn were on Trump’s travel ban list.#PortAuthority
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#PortAuthority suspect said he made his bomb at work. And some people feel guilty about wasting employer time by with games or online shopping.
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Dept of Education under Betsy Devos has stopped cancelling student loan debt for those defrauded by failed for-profit schools. Because how could they acknowledge it might have been a major mistake to attend Trump University?
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Just imagine if when @BarackObama went to Hawaii for vacation he stayed at resort owned by his family & made a profit off trip. GOP heads would have exploded.
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If you’re really “pro-life” it seems like a no-brainer to vote for man who successfully prosecuted murderers of four little girls. @GDouglasJones
December bringing different man or men every day accused of sexual harassment. This is becoming like a very twisted advent calendar.
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It”s only Monday & this week #RyanLizza, #MarioBatali…. Beginning to think it’s a bad idea to put men in positions of power.
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Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to respond that he doesn’t get what all #KaylaMoore fuss is about “I have a Jew son-in-law.”
Just wondering, how many people have attorneys (plural) and KNOW what religion they all are? #KaylaMoore #NoMoore
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Considering #KaylaMoore‘s “Jew” lawyer comment & his friend talking about child brothels, I understand why #RoyMoore tried to lie low weekend before election.
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Crickets on #PortAuthority from @realDonaldTrump If alleged wannabe terrorist had been from country on his travel ban he’d have tweeted within 30 seconds.
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders says on Trump sexual assault allegations “American people knew this & voted for him,” So WTF was Donald Trump doing going after Bill Clinton 20+ years later after his election?
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Trump attacks @NYTimes for saying he watches 4-8 hours of TV a day. Maybe he means he really watches 8-12 hours….
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, port authority jokes, roy moore jokes, Stanton jokes
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December 7, 2017
Open note to the good people of Alabama. Hard for me to say this, but vote in Doug Jones & I will actually root for Nick Saban & Crimson Tide. Once anyway. #Priorities
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Rafael Palmeiro, 53, says he is contemplating a return to MLB. Uh oh, nobody tell Jamie Moyer.
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Roger Goodell has signed a $200 million contract to remain NFL commissioner. Yeah, that man really needs a tax cut.
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Cowboys to debut new uniforms this weekend. Unfortunately for Dallas fans they will still have same old Cowboys in them.
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Former gymnasts & their parents pushing for maximum sentence for ex-Team USA doctor Larry Nassar. And indeed it’s a risk. If he ever gets out of prison he could run for office as a Republican.
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If San Antonio Spurs could just add one good player, they could be a great team this year. @kawhileonard @Spurs
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Pfizer is introducing a generic Viagra for “only” about $32 a pill. That’s still a stiff price.
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GOP House just approved bill to allow gun owners to carry concealed weapons across state lines. But we’re still out of luck with marijuana gummies.
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So for safety reasons Nikki Haley indicates we might not send US athletes to #WinterOlympics2018 in Korea. Even more encouragement for Kim Jong Un to try his missiles to US mainland?
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Maybe Russia and the US can have their own games, where all the medals go to Putin and Trump.
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Think we could get bipartisan agreement on a special place in hell for those who run red lights at left turn and get stuck in intersection so people going straight can’t go on green.
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Now it appears #RoyMoore was dating his wife while she was still married. Wonder how “Christian” bakers feel now about THAT wedding cake?
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A Delta flight from JFK to Seattle, which is over 6 hours, had all toilets malfunction and had to make a bathroom break stop for passengers in Billings. At Spirit Airlines they’d have probably passed around paper cups for $5.
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San Francisco central subway reportedly is falling further behind schedule. Construction started in 2011, supposed to open in 2018, city says 2019, and main contractor now estimates 2021.
If we’re doing a pool, dibs on 2025.
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If Senator Franken steps down tomorrow to do the “right thing” can he also call on GOP colleagues and President to do the same?
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While we move forward against sexual predators in politics, remember, past allegations matter. But can we focus on those currently in office? JFK & Ted are dead, Bill & H.W aren’t running again….
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WH said Trump slurred words at end of speech today because he had “a dry throat.” Right. And Hillary wasn’t healthy enough to be President. #sarcasm
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Trevor Noah on The Daily Show reminds us Donald Trump is very sensitive about his appearance & so we should absolutely not tweet or post things about #DentureDonald
One of worst things about all sexual harassment stories coming out is that no matter who you are, someone you’ve admired will be or has been caught. Beginning to think men have real self-control issues.
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Democrats calling for resignation of one of their most popular Senators. GOP putting more $$$ into campaign of man who wasn’t fit to serve BEFORE sexual allegations. Still think there’s no difference between parties?
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #denturedonald, Alabama jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, moore jokes, Viagra jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 28, 2017
Tonight would have been rough night for any SF 49ers fans who said, “Hell, time to see a good team” and splurged on Warriors tickets.
(For non-NBA fans, Golden State lost to the Sacramento Kings, at home. The Kings had exactly one road win out of 10 before tonight.)
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Tony Parker returned to the court tonight to an ovation from Spurs fans. Wonder if Vince Carter also sent him a text – “Welcome back young man.”
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Congratulations to the Toronto Argonauts, winners of the CFL. Few sports fans think the Argos could actually compete with NFL teams. Though they might be 2 touchdown favorites against the Browns.
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Blake Griffin was injured in tonight’s game against the Lakers and might be out for a while. Rough news for Clippers fans but congrats to all those who had Nov 27 in the pool.
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#MeghanMarkle completely taking internet spotlight away from Trump today. Don’t RT, this might upset him. (Did I mention she’s half-black?)
Can’t wait to see tweets from Trump when Prince Harry & Meghan send their wedding invitations – including the Obamas and not him.
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President of US just tweeted that Fox is country’s only real news. For those who always wanted to know what life was like in an authoritarian banana republic.
A Wisconsin man was jailed after being accused of leading police on 125 mph car chase. He said he was late for work & feared losing his job. Your move, Florida.
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Trump used occasion honoring Navajos to make racial slur against Elizabeth Warren. Thank heaven there’s no chance Redskins will win Super Bowl.
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Trump’s pretended his heritage is Swedish when it’s actually German. Should we start referring to him as “Prince Hans?” #Frozen
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Native Americans say Pocahontas is a racial slur. Waiting for Trump tweet saying #FakeIndians…
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If Washington Post had fallen for Project Veritas sting, not only would GOP have dismissed Roy Moore accusers but also they’d say all #MeToo women are liars. Except those who accused Democrats.
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Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Grey Cup jokes, Janice Hough, pocahontas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 26, 2017
Who knew USF vs USF might be best college football game of the year? Seriously.
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But okay, University of Central Florida (formerly FTU), in Orlando, check. University of South Florida in Tampa. 90 miles West of Orlando. About 200 miles NORTH of Miami.
And Golden Knights coach Scott Frost, who took the team from 0-12 to 12-0 in two years, might just be more in demand than a discounted iPhone X.
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So maybe UCF really IS the best college football team in Florida. #MIAvsPITT
How did this year’s Pitt team lose 7 games, or maybe more accurately, how did Miami win 7?
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Oscar Pistorius’ prison sentence more than doubled to over 13 years. “I feel so sorry for him.” said nobody.
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Carnival Cruise Line is opening a Victoria’s Secret shop on newest ship. Is this Carnival’s way of discouraging passengers from eating very much at their buffets?
Las Vegas marijuana dispensaries apparently had Black Friday sales. Wonder how many customers will show up Saturday?’
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Wonder if next year there will be an app to delete every marketing email that references #BlackFriday from your inbox?
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Donald Trump still attacking @NFL. You’d almost think he had a petty grudge over having not been able to buy a team or something.
If Roy Moore loses his Senate race will he still have time to get a last minute job as a mall Santa?
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Trump wants to change welfare because “people are taking advantage of the system.” He said this on a taxpayer funded weekend at one of his own resorts
Trump tweet Friday evening – “Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named “Man (Person) of the Year,” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!”
What about “Person of the Year” for the American Psychiatric Association? And his own personal DSM page….
Time’s twitter response – “The President is incorrect about how we choose Person of the Year. TIME does not comment on our choice until publication, which is December 6.”
They had me at “The President is incorrect.”
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Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, moore jokes, time magazine jokes, ucf jokes
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November 17, 2017
House tax bill would not allow fans who make mandatory “donations” to universities for the right to buy expensive college football or basketball tickets to deduct those donations as charity.
Just guessing they’re not hyping this part of the bill in red states.
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No Kawhi Leonard, no Tony Parker, 23 point deficit to OKC, and Spurs win. Just possible Popovich is a very good coach.
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Now Jameis Winston accused of groping a female Uber driver. Buccaneers wishing he had stuck to grabbing crab legs?
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Gymnast do take hard falls. Has anyone checked #GabbyDouglas for concussions?
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Battle between Jerry Jones and Roger Goodell may turn out to be more riveting than 90% of NFL games this season.
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Sad when it’s come to seeing #JesseJackson trending & you’re almost relieved it’s “only” Parkinson’s disease – not him dying or being accused of sexual assault.
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So after Trump pardons Thanksgiving turkey will he then ship it to Mar-a-Lago to be secretly cooked & sold to guests at $100 a plate?
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Saying Mike Pence’s policy of never being alone with another woman makes sense is like saying people should never go to museums w/ famous works of art because it’s too hard to look and not touch.
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Trump tweet “Put big game trophy decision on hold until such time as I review all conservation facts. Under study for years. Will update soon with Secretary Zinke. Thank you!”
Who knew that some in the party that doesn’t give a damn about poor children and immigrants have a soft spot for elephants?
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Trump “unexpectedly” released list of 5 conservatives he might appoint to Supreme Court. Bribe for when more sexual assault accusations come out?
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Kayla Moore says President owes them thank you for taking “focus off Russia.” Except Trump might not be happy – Moore story also takes focus off Trump.
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Guess no one told @realDonaldTrump, that a- it’s “FrankenSTEIN,” and b- Frankenstein was the doctor. Monster he created had no name.
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Amazing GOP contortions to convince themselves that any woman who accuses a Republican is an angry liar & anyone who accuses a Dem a wronged saint.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders – “Difference between Franken and Trump is that Franken has admitted wrongdoing.” Right, adults do that.
So with Sarah Huckabee Sanders logic, any man who denies sexual harassment or abuse is innocent. I missed her exoneration of Bill Clinton.
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Trump says Al Franken “really bad.” Because he groped a woman’s breast instead of grabbing her by the pussy?
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That moment when you think a zygote is worthy of protection but a teenage girl is not. #KaylaMoore #RoyMoore
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, Janice Hough, kayla moore jokes, moore jokes, NCAA jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 15, 2017
No way was China putting American basketball players in jail for 10 years. If NBA pulled their shoe factories would put tens of thousands of Chinese children out of work.
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UCLA coach Steve Alford suspended 3 players caught shoplifting, they “will use this time to focus on their academics.” Players thinking-“what are academics?”
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Without the three suspended players UCLA did pull out a win. In overtime. Against Central Arkansas. So will the suspension be two or three games?
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Hal Steinbrenner said he would have still fired Joe Girardi had Yankees won World Series. Even George would have thought that a bit harsh.
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Ezekiel Elliott has withdrawn appeal & will serve his suspension. Which coincidentally will get him back just in time for playoffs. #Cowboys
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Wouldn’t it be nice if the good citizens of Alabama surprise us and give #DougJones a resounding victory on Dec. 12?
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In Tulsa a 26-year-old Democrat upset an incumbent GOP State Senator. Did I mention she is a woman. Who is lesbian. Who has an African-American wife…. Oklahoma fabulously OK.
Trump – America’s “‘standing’ has never been stronger than it is right now.” To quote Princess Bride, “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”
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Whole Foods/Amazon announced they’re lowering Thanksgiving prices. So this year you can finance your turkey without taking out a 2nd mortgage.
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Charles Manson reportedly in “grave condition.” What a shame said absolutely, positively, nobody.
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Pretty clear #CharlesManson has only lasted as long as he has because the devil doesn’t want him either.
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Senate bill will eliminate taxes on management fee taxes paid by private jet owners. Finally, some serious middle-class tax relief.
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Some saying in light of #RoyMoore situation we’re letting Bill Clinton get off too easy on assault allegations. Think Dems might change role of Bill in party now if GOP would change role of Trump.
#RoyMoore‘s lawyer, the allegations are “incredibly, incredibly, painful for him, his wife, his mom, his daughter, his grandchildren.” Uh, those girls are and/or were someone’s “wives, moms, daughter and grandchildren.”
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Trump is now overturning Obama’s ban on importing elephant & rhino trophies. Normally a pacifist but about ready to throw something at next person who says Hillary & Trump were no different.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, NBA jokes, roy moore jokes, UCLA jokes
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November 14, 2017
Arkansas has suspended freshman QB Cole Kelley, 20, after a DWI arrest, for at least one game. Coach Bielema: “Starting games here is a very big deal. Social media and everything else around, he’s going to be held to a higher standard. … ”
A DWI arrest at 20? Higher standard than what?
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UCLA players accused of shoplifting are on flights home. That’ll teach them – shoplift designer sunglasses & you could be forced to spent a week away from classes at a deluxe hotel.
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On a lighter note, USA Today projections for 2017-18 Bowl Games. Holiday Bowl Dec 28 – Stanford vs Michigan. #HolyHarbaugh
France is apparently considering legalizing sex with 13 yr-olds. In related news #RoyMoore is considering retirement to Paris.
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Shooter today in Rancho Tehama another angry white guy. Standby for more GOP thoughts & prayers,” & talk about mental illness while cutting funding for mental health.
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Everyone who insists #RoyMoore‘s behavior was normal for Alabama at the time, forgets that people thought he was creepy AT THE TIME.
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Now Paul Ryan is calling on Roy Moore to step aside. Unless he gets elected in which case he’ll want Moore to resign after voting for tax cuts.
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McConnell floating idea of Sessions as write-in candidate for Alabama Senate. Though apparently AG has same possible Alzheimer’s memory problems as Moore. #ICantRecall
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Paul Ryan “House will adopt a policy of mandatory anti-harassment & anti-discrimination training for all Members & staff. ” What about Oval Office?
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Trump got off a plane tonight from the Philippines and promptly tweeted “May God be with the people of Sutherland Springs, Texas. The FBI and Law Enforcement has arrived.”
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Question of night, will @realDonaldTrump delete tweet referencing 9-day-old mass shooting instead of today’s, or double down on it?
#SutherlandSprings #RanchoTehama
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, roy moore jokes, sessions jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 13, 2017
Once again, looking like #49ers will come up just short in their quest for the #1 NFL draft pick.
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A New Jersey bar owner said he boycotted NFL Veteran’s Day weekend over players kneeling during anthem. Either that or because @nyjets & @Giants both suck?
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In NFC, Rams, Vikings and Saints all leading their divisions. Just like the preseason pundits predicted.
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49ers fans thrilled about 1st week of season without a loss. And next week the team has pretty good chance against “Bye Week.”
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There was a streaker on the field late in 4th quarter in Buffalo. He had a better running day than the Bills offense against the Saints.
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Butch Jones, w/ 4-6 record this year, has been fired as head football coach at Tennessee. #Browns fans wonder, was he fired for over-achieving?
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Just wondering, how drunk do you have to be to be thrown out of a bar in Las Vegas? #OJSimpson
Oh please oh please let someone ask Trump about Keurig? “Never met them, the allegations are false.”
If you #BoycottKeurig does that mean you spend more money at #Starbucks? Being conservative at times must be so confusing.
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Thinking there’s going to be a real market for someone who can fix broken Keurigs when some angry conservatives calm down & miss their coffee.
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Damn, with Trump supporters attacking #NFL and #Keurig what’s a liberal worried about CTE who doesn’t like pretentious coffee to do?
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Lost w/ all attention given to @realDonaldTrump’s “short & fat” comment on Kim Jong-Un is other tweet complaining Hillary had “no chemistry” w/ Putin.
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Authorities say 50 pounds of cocaine washed up on a central Florida beach. Talk about a high-tide.
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Now Roy More defenders trying to discredit his 1st accuser by bringing up her divorces. Maybe “dating” him at 14 DID mess her up for life?
To me his 1st accuser being divorced 3 times actually makes her more credible. Being sexual w/ a 32 yr old at 14 would screw a lot of women up.
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Would #RoyMoore supporters be more likely to believe allegations if Moore were a customer of Hillary’s pedophile-run pizza parlor? #pizzagate #sarcasm
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Do we really expect a man who said he’d date his daughter to condemn Roy Moore over pursuing teenage girls?
So Trump is insulting former CIA/FBI guys -, Clapper, Brennan, Comey and Mueller. What could possibly go wrong?
Not a “thoughts & prayers” kind of gal but maybe those who are could spare some “thought & prayers” after earthquake for people in Iraq and Iran.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Browns jokes, Janice Hough, keurig jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 11, 2017
Wondering how many in Alabama would have been more upset if Crimson Tide lost than to find out they might be electing a sexual predator Senator.
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I suppose it was too much to ask for that two undefeated SEC teams lose in on the same day? #Georgia #Bama
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Well, at least this embarrassment for Georgia on the football field didn’t involve a 4th quarter collapse in the Super Bowl.
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So is there still a chance Notre Dame and Georgia could meet in the “Over-rated” Bowl?
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I’m sure LSJUMB will take the high road over Fighting Irish blowout loss in Miami when Notre Dame plays Stanford in two weeks.
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Did someone tell Michigan State players they had a bye week this week. (Ohio State 48, MSU 3.)
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Wonder why NFL TV ratings down? Only free option for those near NYC/SF Sunday afternoon not Cowboys-Falcons or Texans-Rams but Giants-49ers.
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UCLA players accused of shoplifting, from as many as 3 different stores, remain at Hyatt in China. Gosh, hope this doesn’t interfere w/ their studies.
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#Cardinals already w/o Carson Palmer, now QB Drew Stanton injured; they will reportedly sign Matt Barkley. Kaepernick remains on list just below chopped liver.
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Alabama GOP position is that a 14-yr-old girl is adult enough to make her own choices about sex until she gets pregnant.
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Across America some 14 yr-old girls are just trying to convince their parents they should be allowed to date 15-yr-old boys.
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Some in GOP floating idea of delaying Alabama Senate special election. If this works will Trump try to delay 2020 election at least a few years?
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Bromance between Trump and Putin continues. How long until Vlad is named an honorary co-host of Fox and Friends?
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Trump on Putin’s being accused of election meddling -“I think he’s very insulted by it.” What’s Russian word for “snowflake.”
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Trump complains about Kim Jong-Un calling him “old,” says he wouldn’t call Korean leader “short & fat.” Is this US President or Alec Baldwin on SNL cold open?
But hey, is that what POTUS meant by “progress not provocation?”
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Tweet tweeted “Met with President Putin of Russia who was at #APECmeetings.” President Putin “of Russia.” Are there any Americans who don’t know who Vlad is?
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Trump on his Asia trip – “Well a lot of people said it is almost physically impossible for someone to go through 12 days.” And we were worried about Hillary’s health?”
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Rest of world going ahead with TPP and Paris Climate Accord. #MAIA – Make American Isolated Again.
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Silver lining for GOP with Roy Moore: Nobody is tweeting about their proposed tax relief for millionaires.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: "short and fat" jokes, Alabama jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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October 15, 2017
One thing to have Pac 12 college football games start late on the East Coast. Another thing to have them start so late the bars close before fans can watch the end and celebrate.
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So many of top ranked college football teams lost this weekend that this might open up a spot in playoffs for Cleveland Browns.
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Thinking that the first quarter of college football games should not compete with SNL. #Stanford #Oregon
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But of course even after Stanford started 1-2 everyone had Cardinal leading the Pac 12 North after week five.
Columbia football is 5-0. Now this may really be a sign of the apocalypse.
Very now strange to see a starting pitcher in 9th inning of a baseball game when he didn’t come in as reliever. #Verlander #ALCS
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Tom Verducci said Verlander brought the game back to another era, Gibson, Koufax. Uh, he forgot Bumgarner. #ALCS
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ARod saying now steroids “cost me over $40 million..my reputation..the Hall of Fame.. & a number of other things.” Get out the violins
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The artist who put a statue of a urinating dog next to the “Fearless Girl” statue on Wall Street, was fatally struck by a NY subway when he apparently was standing too close to the tracks. Maybe they can use the dog statue as his tombstone? #subwaytohell
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Marwin Gonzalez left Minute Maid Park as soon as ALCS game 1 to be with his wife, who had gone into labor. He made it for the birth of his son. Good thing Gonzalez wasn’t playing in Nats-Cubs game 5, the kid would be walking before he arrived.
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Mississippi school district pulls ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ from reading list – it “makes people uncomfortable.” Uh, that’s the point. #snowflakes
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The Academy has expelled Harvey Weinstein. Oh good, so now there are no powerful sexual predators left in Hollywood.
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Had the Weinstein scandal just broken 6 months earlier Bill O’Reilly could have made the story centerpiece of final ‘The O’Reilly Factor.”
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Mike Pence campaigning in VA for gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie. So if some Dems put on uniforms & kneel for anthem will he leave?
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Almost week since devastating fires started in California. Still crickets from @realDonaldTrump. No doubt he’s preparing NFL tweet for morning.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball playoff jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Stanford jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 1, 2017
Politics aside, while Colin Kaepernick may not be an NFL caliber quarterback, seems pretty sure Jay Cutler isn’t either.
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Speaking of anthems, @Saints may start playing “God Save the Queen” before all games for luck.
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LA #Chargers can’t fill 27,000 seat stadium, & most fans showing up root for visitors. Open note to Raiders, still time to back out of Vegas.
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Okay, not that I really care, but Stanford is not ranked in college football. They are 3-2, with the 2 losses being to USC, ranked #14, and San Diego State, ranked #19. So if you are about #24-25, shouldn’t you lose to number #14 and #19?
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Question of the day after Patriots loss – WWGB – who will Giselle blame?
Pablo Sandoval’s 3 home runs in gm 1 of 2012 World Series launched SF Giants sweep, so guess it’s some compensation his walk off home run today gave Tigers #1 2018 draft pick?
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But hey, while the Giants beat Padres and lose top draft pick to Detroit, but the 49ers keep their hopes with a loss against the #Cardinals
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Today apparently FEMA Administrator Brock Long Puerto Rico hurricane relief for Puerto Rico is “the most logistically challenging event the US has ever seen”
So this administration is as good at history as they are at everything else….
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When Puerto Rico officials tell Trump what he can do w/ golf trophy he dedicated to hurricane victims will he call them worse than ingrates
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So when will Trump issue an executive order for a travel ban from Puerto Rico?
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Trump tweeted that “Being nice to Rocket Man hasn’t worked in 25 years. Clinton failed, Bush failed, Obama failed, I won’t fail.”
Uh, King Jong Un is 33 years old. Do the math. The only ones being nice to him 25 years ago might have been his nannies.
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And then Trump tweets “Save your energy, Rex.” So time to move #Tilllerson up in that Trump resignation pool?
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It really is awful that people are willing to die in Puerto Rico just to make Trump look bad.
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Death toll mounts in Puerto Rico. If O.J. is serious about finding a real killer maybe he just needs to look on golf course at Bedminster.
Categories: football jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Saints jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 24, 2017
So all teams in AL over .500 should make MLB playoffs Who do they think they are -the NBA Eastern Conference?
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Stanford used four quarterbacks in the first quarter against UCLA. They might only need 1 the rest of the season. #Costello
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Open note to Heisman committee: Yeah, that mostly happened after you went to bed. (Bryce Love, 30 carries for 263 yards and a touchdown, Bringing his season total total to 73 carries, 787 yards and five 5 TDs.)
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You know you’ve been a Saints fan for too long when aren’t able to watch game, but see they lead 17-6 at half & are then shocked to see they not only didn’t blow the lead but won going away.
Trump seems happy the Pittsburgh Penguins are coming to the White House. Has someone told him how many of them are immigrants?
Well, so maybe Raiders fans shouldn’t make nonrefundable reservations for Minneapolis the first weekend in February quite yet.
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“My first homicide the guy was shot like 40 times.”
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So Monday morning will Trump take credit for the best NFL ratings of the season?
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While @realDonaldTrump trashed NFL players the leader of the Free World hung on to win re-election
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Ted Cruz is a “no” on Graham-Cassidy? Kobe, Pete Carroll, Ray Lewis, Robert Kraft and others are condemning the President’s response on kneeling. Damn. Trump has be agreeing with too many people I don’t like.
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Many Americans who’ve been turning away from football over concussions & CTE, may start tuning back in over civil rights.
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So is it too soon to start a pool on which NASCAR driver will be the first to say he’s disappointed in Trump comments?
Think Trump would pay more attention to Puerto Rico if some athletes went down there to #TakeTheKnee?
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Trump so fixated on doubling down on anthem thing you’d almost think he was trying to distract us from something. #Jared #Russia #Healthcare
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New definition of chutzpah – using private emails for govt business after your father-in-law won the White House largely because his opponent did same thing.
#jared
So if the leaders of North Korea and Venezuela are so awful shouldn’t we do all we can for anyone trying to get out of those countries?
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Finally, IMHO. The US Flag stands for the right to protest it. #TakeTheKnee
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: anthem jokes, Janice Hough, kneeling jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
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September 20, 2017
After a child sitting five rows up was hit by a foul ball at Yankee Stadium, some are calling again for netting all the way to the foul line.
Now, no doubt it was traumatic for the kid, but over 100 years children have also dreamed of getting autographs and souvenir baseballs before and during games. Children can also be injured, for example, in cars driving to the game.
And 3-4 children a year die playing baseball, including Little League. Should we outlaw that too?
Looking at various online sites, at this rate fans going to #Rams #49ers at Levis Stadium Thurs. will pay more for a beer & a hot dog than their tickets.
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Since the SFGiants brought Ryan Vogelsong back to retire a Giant, they have actually looked like a pretty decent baseball team. Coincidence?
My friend Paul S. also points out, the mini-resurgence also coincides with when we heard about Sam Dyson’s cat, Snuckles. And when Dyson brought Snuckles on the field…. Hey, whatever works.
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44 years ago tonight Billie Jean King defeated Bobby Riggs. What’s amazing now is at the time some people were shocked. #BattleoftheSexes
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Great pictures of #JohnKelly during Trumps #UNGA speech. Normally when people look that disgusted in New York they’re watching the Jets.
Trump on Iran nuclear deal “I have decided.” And “I’ll let you know what the decision is.” When, after the break? #PresidentialApprentice
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Seaside, CA, police chief Robert Jackson resigned after posting racist comments and conspiracy theories jokes & commentary on his FB page. Monterey County Weekly reported he didn’t understand the privacy settings: This is alarming to me. I didn’t realize it was that open to the public”
What’s more alarming, that Jackson is a racist, or that he’s stupid enough to post anything online without checking how it works?
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Trump mispronounced African country “Namibia” as “Nambia.” But give him a break, guessing President just heard name for 1st time from advisor yesterday.
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Trump tweet “Graham-Cassidy Bill is GREAT! Ends Ocare.”
Translation, ANYTHING is great if it ends something Obama did.
Sorry that #IvankaTrump had “some level of postpartum depression.” But compared with not being to afford insurance for babies w/ birth defects?
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When asked about Shanah Tovah assume @realDonaldTrump responded whatever Shanah says, she’s lying, wouldn’t have been my first choice.
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#MelaniaTrump gives a speech at UN talking about the golden rule. Donald just has his own version – whoever has the gold makes the rules.
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Trump insists people under proposed #GrahamCassidy bill can get covered for pre-existing conditions. Right, exactly, like they can buy homes in Trump Tower, if they have enough money.
At this point have to assume anyone in Trump administration charged w/ “draining the swamp” would charter private plane to fly & view the swamp
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, un jokes
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September 18, 2017
Real shame the NY Giants don’t play NY Jets this year. That way at least one team would be assured of a win.
Even Rutgers is thinking “These New Jersey football teams are BAD.
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ESPN reports Cowboys coach to meet w/ Ezekiel Elliott over lack of effort Sunday. In Dallas this could be serious, unlike hitting a woman.
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Okay, with the NY Giants on board, #49ers & Bengals only remaining NFL teams who haven’t scored a touchdown. Any guesses who’ll be last?
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Chargers couldn’t even sell out 27,000 seat StubHub Center for 1st home game in L.A. Oakland Raiders fans thinking “It’s not too late.”
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Chargers reportedly sticking w/ struggling kicker Younghoe Koo. Based on attendance there’s not too much pressure yet – no one is watching.
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Auburn dismissed backup QB Sean White after he was arrested Sunday morning on charge of public intoxication. Silly man, if you are going to be an SEC player who gets arrested you better be a starter.
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Just a piece of advice, an online ad with “Makeup tips for older women” not going to get a lot of clicks. Most women think “older” is 10 years older than ME.
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Arizona man hospitalized after he tried to show off for his friends by BBQing a rattlesnake, and the snake bit him. Your move, Florida.
Polls in Germany show Merkel’s Christian Democratic Union party increasingly popular, in part due to an anti-Trump backlash. MAGA- Make Angela Great Again?
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This GOP Obamacare repeal is a really shitty remake of Groundhog Day.
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Anyone in Senate who votes for
#GrahamCassidy should have to immediately get their own health insurance under its provisions. Period.
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If @HillaryClinton had showed up for a cameo at Emmy would some of these people telling her to go away have embraced her?
#SeanSpicer
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Obama just reportedly got $400,000 for Wall Street speech. If someone tells Trump maybe he’ll resign to make big $$$ as ex-President?
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So has anyone told @realDonaldTrump that Puerto Ricans are Americans? #Maria
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Apparently post-Harvey & Irma weren’t right time to talk about Climate Change, how many hurricanes do we have to have before it is? #Jose
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Trump says he was wiretapped. He wasn’t. But Manafort was. And I’m sure there’s nothing they discussed he’s worried about….
You know, if Trump was actually SERIOUS about putting Americans first and helping working class people, he’d look for businesses that traditionally hire immigrants, legal and illegal, for lower wages, and try to persuade them to offer higher living wages only to workers born in the US.
If only he knew anyone in the hotel business.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, hurricane jokes, Janice Hough, NY Giants jokes, NY Jets jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 