Posted tagged ‘Cowboys jokes’

Hands up?

October 8, 2017

So who had the Alex Smith led #Chiefs as the last undefeated team in the NFL?  Now all of you liars put your hands down.

Jerry Jones, players who “disrespect the flag” will be benched. Uh, the #Cowboys are 2-3. How about benching athletes who don’t play well

To be fair, Jerry Jones probably figured he could bench half the Cowboys and still win their next game against the 49ers.

Newton “My sarcasm, trying to give someone compliment turned in ways I never would’ve even imagined.” Note to Cam  -quit while you’re ahead.  Or at least not so far behind.

 

Offensive line coach for Dolphins seen snorting white powder. After shutout by Saints maybe he thought it was rare substance from end zone?

From T.C.  A video has surfaced showing a Miami Dolphins asst coach snorting coke using a $20 bill. A Head Coach would have used a $100 bill, of course this was an offensive “Line Coach.”

Stanford is #25, Utah is #23. If there were only a way to see them head-to-head and find out who’s really the better team. #NerdNation

Senator Bob Corker refers to the White House as an “adult day care center.” Prompting immediate calls for an apology – from day care centers.

 

It’s understandable GOP so upset about Dems & Harvey Weinstein. Because they themselves were so quick to condemn Roger Ailes & Bill O’Reilly.

Trump directed VP  Pence  to walk out KNOWING there would be protest & still sending him on military plane. @POTUS throwing our budget out of whack.

Considering it’s been about 3 years since he went to a game wonder who told Mike Pence that @Colts were even playing at home Sunday

 –

 

Thinking however you feel about protests,  making taxpayers pay for Trump/Pence publicity stunt is more offensive and less American than NFL players kneeling.

If people kneel in front of the flag at the White House will Donald Trump leave?

Delta Airlines and United have issued a “Winter Weather waiver” for travelers to or through Denver tomorrow. Oct 9. But there’s no climate change…

Clearly if you harass women & get caught you can’t run film company. You can only be elected President of United States. #Weinstein #Trump

If liberal media covered up Weinstein bad behavior for years why didn’t #FoxNews break what would have been a bombshell story? #RogerAiles?

What a waste. Half million dollars or so tax dollars @VP spent on his little publicity stunt would’ve paid for a weekend of Trump golfing.

Sometimes got to give?

September 18, 2017

Real shame the  NY Giants don’t play NY Jets this year. That way at least one team would be assured of a win.

Even Rutgers is thinking “These New Jersey football teams are BAD.

ESPN reports Cowboys coach to meet w/ Ezekiel Elliott over lack of effort Sunday. In Dallas this could be serious, unlike hitting a woman.

Okay, with the NY Giants  on board,  #49ers & Bengals only remaining NFL teams who haven’t scored a touchdown. Any guesses who’ll be last?

Chargers couldn’t even sell out 27,000 seat StubHub Center for 1st home game in L.A. Oakland Raiders fans thinking “It’s not too late.”

Chargers reportedly sticking w/ struggling kicker Younghoe Koo. Based on attendance there’s not too much pressure yet – no one is watching.
Auburn dismissed backup QB Sean White after he was arrested Sunday morning on charge of public intoxication. Silly man, if you are going to be an SEC player who gets arrested you better be a starter.
Just a piece of advice, an online ad with “Makeup tips for older women” not going to get a lot of clicks. Most women think “older” is 10 years older than ME.

Arizona man hospitalized after he tried to show off for his friends by BBQing a rattlesnake, and the snake bit him. Your move, Florida.

Polls in Germany show Merkel’s Christian Democratic Union party increasingly popular, in part due to an anti-Trump backlash. MAGA- Make Angela Great Again?
This GOP Obamacare repeal is a really shitty remake of Groundhog Day.
 –
Anyone in  Senate who votes for #GrahamCassidy should have to immediately get their own health insurance under its provisions. Period.
If @HillaryClinton had showed up for a cameo at  Emmy would some of these people telling her to go away have embraced her? #SeanSpicer
Obama just reportedly got $400,000 for Wall Street speech. If someone tells Trump maybe he’ll resign to make big $$$ as ex-President?
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So has anyone told @realDonaldTrump that Puerto Ricans are Americans? #Maria

Apparently post-Harvey & Irma weren’t right time to talk about Climate Change, how many hurricanes do we have to have before it is? #Jose

Trump says he was wiretapped. He wasn’t. But Manafort was. And I’m sure there’s nothing they discussed he’s worried about….

 

You know, if Trump was actually SERIOUS about putting Americans first and helping working class people, he’d look for businesses that traditionally hire immigrants, legal and illegal, for lower wages, and try to persuade them to offer higher living wages only to workers born in the US.
If only he knew anyone in the hotel business.

No place they’d rather be.

July 18, 2017

The sellout streak may be over. But for last-place team on a Tuesday night, this is sure not a bad crowd in bottom of 10th #SFGiants #ATTPark

NFL opening night in less than 2 months. Meanwhile fans can follow sagas like training camps, trades & which Cowboy will get arrested next.

RB Ezekiel Elliott is now appealing his conviction after he pleaded no contest in July over allegedly driving 100mph in a 70mph zone. Sounds like someone doesn’t want a prior used against him in one or more future cases. #Cowboys   #Americasteam

Detroit Lions DE Armonty Bryant has been suspended 4 games for violating the NFL substance abuse policy – this suspension is his 3rd since the start of the 2016 season.
Bryant had 3 sacks last season. When you have as many suspensions as sacks, it might be time to find a new line of work?

Simple solution:  If Donald Trump could somehow change name of Obamacare to Trumpcare that would be enough for him to declare it a major success.

Is Trump trying to prove he knew nothing about Don Jr’s Russia meeting by showing he knew nothing about the Trumpcare bill?

Don Jr., clearly less favored child to Ivanka. If he did something he thought legal to help win election he’d run to Dad to brag about it.

I’m sure if Obama had a private off-the-record meeting w/ a foreign leader & no other Americans present the GOP would be just fine with it.

Ann Coulter is still on a Twitter tantrum against Delta. If it took $10,000 of her time to select the seat, with the amount of time she is wasting complaining she could rent a private plane.

About only thing Trump could say that his supporters wouldn’t believe completely is if he said Redskins will win Super Bowl this year.

The number of contortions Trump supporters have to go through to convince themselves he is a great President indicates they were really good at “Twister.”-

Not sure but just thinking that somewhere President Obama is smiling. “Who knew healthcare could be so complicated?”

O.J. Simpson is expected to be paroled this week, in part because he has been a model prisoner, in part because he has no other criminal convictions. Under any other President, that might be the #whythereisnosatire line of the week.

Chris Christie was loudly booed catching foul ball tonight at the  Mets game at Citifield. Maybe Trump wishes he had picked the New Jersey governor as a running mate, he MIGHT have VP less popular than he is.

Three words, “You go girl.”  http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/18/us/transgender-woman-viral-photo-trnd/index.html

 

Nothing to see here

December 23, 2016

Bill Belichick admitted today that the Patriots were unaware of how extreme Michael Floyd’s DUI was. But the New England coach didn’t seem too deflated about it.

 

 

Idaho beat Colorado State 61-50 in the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. I am aware several stars have decided to forego bowl games, but did both teams’ defenses decide to stay home?

Ezekiel Elliott says he won’t jump in a Salvation Army kettle, after he was not fined for the last celebration – “I think I had my one get-out-of-jail-free card,I used it already.”
Is that really the best phrase to use for a football player who is still under investigation for domestic violence?

Manny Ramirez’s wife told TMZ that Manny, 44, wants to play professional baseball again. Can the SFGiants sign him and gift wrap him as a present to the Dodgers?

So tired of hearing that “without California Trump would have won the popular vote. And yeah, without California the  Tigers & Royals would each have one more World Series trophy, and the Rangers would have their first.  #SFGIants

On a positive note, tuned into the Spurs-Clippers game tonight, and while I’m not a mall jewelry store fan, saw a nice holiday “Love” commercial from Zales featuring two lovely brides. On TNT. And this commercial has apparently been out for a few weeks and has survived social media conservative outrage. #progress #wellplayed

Grayson Allen has been suspended indefinitely for “actions that do not meet the standards of Duke Basketball.” So during this time will Allen get help, or consider switching his talents to football?

The Beach Boys are reportedly considering playing Donald Trump’s inaugural. Considering all the discussion about popular vote, guessing one of their song choices won’t be “California Girls.”

New White House counselor Kellyanne Conway, asked if she will have trouble handling her job while being a mother of four. “I would say that I don’t play golf and I don’t have a mistress so, I have a lot of time that a lot of these other men don’t.”
Uh, so for all these years how has Trump done HIS job?

And Kellyanne Conway also indicates that Trump might not have a ban on Muslims per se, but for a ban on individuals from terrorist-prone countries. Uh, looking at Sandy Hook, Charleston and any number of mass shootings,  could that standard be used by other countries to keep Americans out?

 

Twitter’s stock keeps falling after their CTO and VP of Product both announced they would leave. One analyst says the company is ‘toast.” Maybe Trump will just buy the whole thing and use it instead of Press Conferences.

The US and Russia need more nuclear weapons like billionaires need a tax cut.

I’ve got another puzzle for you.

August 29, 2016

Bummer, Gene Wilder, 83,  has passed away. Although between him and Gilda Radnerthere should be some un-PC side-splitting shows in heaven coming up.

 

wonka

 

 

Hope it didn’t kill Wilder to face the possibility of an Oompa Loompa being elected president.

 

Interesting to hear commentators talk about how Colin Kaepernick’s protest might keep the suddenly desperate Dallas Cowboys from trading for him. Right, this is the same team that had no problem signing Greg Hardy. #priorities.

 

 

If #SF49ers want a less controversial backup QB than #ColinKaepernick, #MichaelVick is available. Or hey, so is #TimTebow.

Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that SF Giants thought Barry Bonds’ recliner was the biggest problem team could have with one of their players sitting.

Absolutely respect #ColinKaepernick‘s views & desire to speak up. But think his execution has been as good his handling of #49ers offense.

Figure @realDonaldTrump will soon go after #ColinKaepernick soon. Less for #49ers QB’s protest than for fact he’s stealing Trump’s headlines

At the U.S. Open, tennis player CoCo Vandeweghe, who lost in 3 sets, refused to shake the official’s hand: “I’m frickin’ pissed. It sucks.”
Vandeweghe isn’t leaving the tournament yet: “I have doubles Doubles and mixed, that’s where I’m heading next.”
And after today I’m sure she’ll have no problems with officials going forward…..

 

#RickPerry is going to be on #DWTS?! Did someone warn him he will have to count steps?

Ohio State suspended highly-recruited WR Torrance Gibson for the season “due to a violation of the school’s student code of conduct.” Urban Meyer says “I disagree” and adds that it was not a football or athletic dept decision.
Guess it’s time to open the pool on when Gibson will apply to transfer to an SEC school.

#DenverBroncos just announced their opening day QB will be #TrevorSiemian. All together now – “Who?!!”
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Former Stanford student and convicted rapist Brock Turner will be released from prison Friday after 3 months. No word on where he will go.
Hmm, India might be a good fit, this from their tourism minister, while promoting a welcome kit to be handed out on arrival “There’s a card in there listing the do’s and don’ts. Basic things like, ‘Don’t go out at night alone.’ ‘Don’t wear skirts.'”

 

The Princeton Review named University of Wisconsin-Madison the #1 party school in the USA. Well, no doubt that calls for an all-campus party tonight.

Last Saturday night, the 911 system in Washington D.C. was down for two hours, when a contractor working on a water leak accidentally turned the master switch off. Proving again, sometimes terrorism is no match for good old fashioned stupidity.

#AnthonyWeiner and #HumaAbedin are separating. Five words: What took her so long?

Sure hope the people who have been attacking Hillary Clinton for not leaving Bill are nothing but supportive of Huma Abedin’s split from Anthony Weiner. #wecandream

Donald Trump this morning “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.”
But then added “Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It’s just another example of Hillary Clinton’s bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this.”
So for those who wondered how long the Donald could stay on the high road, the answer, about 15 seconds.

 

So Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton over national security because of Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Clearly a rant from a man who has no idea women can keep secrets from their husbands.

The post Skeeter era is not starting out well

August 2, 2016

For the  SFGiants

 

So is ‪#‎Duffcat‬ a voodoo cat? And is he really ticked off @SFGiants traded ‪#‎MattDuffy‬?

Post ‪#‎Skeeter‬ what the Giants may really need is kittens. LOTS of kittens.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ scored twice as many runs for ‪#‎Madbum‬ as they had in his last 3 starts. Unfortunately he allowed as many runs as in last 3 starts

 

Well, looks like the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ are getting the same post-trade deadline “bounce” as the ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

 

UNC has responded to several serious NCAA charges including academic fraud by denying that the NCAA has authority to handle the matter. So are the Tarheels trying to join the SEC?

#‎JohnMcEnroe‬ threw out 1st pitch at Citifield before Yankees Mets game; he , was both fast & accurate. How many teams are bidding to add him to bullpen?

Lebron James says even though he brought a title to Cleveland with the Cavaliers, “My motivation is this ghost I’m chasing, The ghost played in Chicago.” (Michael Jordan.) Uh, Lebron, he’s not dead yet.

Who will regret their decision first – ‪#‎TheBachelorette‬? Or some ‪#‎MLB‬ team who made a major trade at the deadline? ‪#‎toosoon‬?

Dallas Cowboys LB Ronaldo McClain has been suspended for 10 games reportedly for “purple drank” – Sprite, cough syrup and codeine. So wonder if he will claim it was a tainted punch?

An AP review says there is the evidence for flossing is “weak, very unreliable” and “the majority of available studies fail to demonstrate that flossing is generally effective in plaque removal.”
So does that mean we’ve all been just flossing for the fun of it?

More resignations over the DNC email hacks today. But seriously, shouldn’t this be a reminder – you don’t post pictures of your junk, and you don’t put anything you wouldn’t want to see on the front page in an email.

Eric Trump, saying sexual harassment “should be addressed,” But regarding his sister, “Ivanka is a strong, powerful woman, she would not allow herself to be subjected to it,”
Can’t wait to hear the response when someone asks him about rape.

At a speech, @realDonaldTrump called for a crying baby to be removed. And later he fired the person who put the mirror on stage.

Longtime former Chris Christie aide Maria Comella, a Republican, “Donald Trump has been a demagogue this whole time, preying on people’s anxieties with loose information and salacious rhetoric.” She says she will vote for Hillary Clinton, adding that the GOP is “at a moment where silence isn’t an option.”
The Donald is going to have to hire a full-time aide to tell him who to send nasty tweets about.

 

Meg Whitman announced tonight that while she remains a Republican and “I don’t agree with her (Hillary) on very many issues, she would be a much better president than Donald Trump.” So Whitman will vote for, donate to and fund raise for Clinton.

So time to start a pool on which GOP figure will be next?

Seems like we just had ‪#‎4thOfJuly‬ & now it’s “‪#‎BackToSchool‬” sales Can ‪#‎Christmas‬ decorations be far behind?

Still the one.

July 26, 2016

Hillary Clinton to “young girls” watching,  says she hopes to be the first woman president” but “you will be next.” Ok, but, I would like  more women presidents BEFORE they grow up.

‪#‎BillClinton‬ “For those of us with more yesterdays than tomorrows its all about our children & grandchildren” ‪#‎HesStillGotIt‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

Bill Clinton is proving tonight you dont have to be ‪#‎MickJagger‬ to be a 70 year old rock star. ‪#‎DemConvention‬

Bill Clinton may or may not be “First Man” But making strong pitch to take over commercial for ‪#‎MostInterestingManInTheWorld‬

Bill Clinton on Dorothy Rodman “Knowing her was one of Hillary’s greatest gifts to me.” Shameless & lovely plug for the mother-in-law vote.

Seeing just a bit of sniping against Michelle and her future prospects after her speech saying she’s just a first lady. But really, does anyone think if Barack didn’t marry her that he’d be in the Oval Office today? ‪#‎hemarriedup‬

 

#‎MattCain‬ not only got the win tonight, he threw down the hitting gauntlet to ‪#‎Madbum‬ tomorrow. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Would like to thank aliens who abducted ‪#‎SFGiants‬ & started wearing their uniforms for returning our real Giants tonight.

The Cowboys now have three defensive players suspended for substance abuse at the start of the 2016 season. So to their coaching staff will Dallas be adding a probation officer?

Eagles LB Nigel Bradham was arrested in Miami for aggravated assault; he allegedly beat up a 50 year-old hotel worker who didn’t get his umbrella set up quickly enough. Is Bradham trying to get traded to the 49ers or Cowboys?

Aaron Rodgers on his estranged little brother Jordan on “The Bachelorette” “I haven’t seen the show. To be honest with you, so it hasn’t really affected me a whole lot. As far as those kinds of things go, I’ve always found that it’s a little inappropriate to talk publicly about some family matters, so I’m just — I’m not going to speak on those things, but I wish him well in the competition.”
Sounds like Aaron actually learned something at Cal.

So now Trump is attacking Bernie Sanders. Is there anyone the Donald doesn’t turn on eventually, including the women he marries?

‪#‎CoryBooker‬ responded to @realDonaldTrump’s nasty tweet with “I love you Donald.” So is that the New Jersey equivalent of ‪#‎BlessYourHeart‬

Donald Trump is threatening not to pay a hotel in Virginia for an event Monday because he said it was too hot in the ballroom. Maybe because there isn’t an air-conditioning system in the world that can deal with that much hot air?

Donald Trump now says instead of using Twitter once elected President he’d have a personal White House hotline that will keep him “very busy at night” for complaints against VA hospitals.
Who is he kidding, the Donald didn’t even deal with complaints against Trump University?

 

Some critical of  Bill Clinton’s ignoring ‪#‎MonicaLewinsky‬ years. Same folks didn’t have a problem with ‪#‎Trump‬ not mentioning his 1st 2 wives.

Madeleine Albright says national security is not like hosting a reality tv show. Trump listening and trying to figure out how to fire her.

 

Interesting review of Clinton’s speech. “Bill cast Hillary as a real person—when she herself can seem remote, brittle, defensive and evasive. He sold her far better than she sells herself The man can tell a story. And in politics, that matters.”
The commie pinko sources? FoxNews.com

So the Dems aren’t all quite coming together and singing “Kumbaya.” On the other hand, they’re not making speeches like Ted Cruz, or doing stuff like John Kasich, who posted a fake website for “Trump-Putin 2016.” ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

 

Nice change over all today for unity at the DNC though . From Marc Ragovin “Hillary Clinton got so beaten up in Philadelphia on the opening night of the Democratic National Convention that even Santa Claus felt sorry for her.”

Is it safe?

January 6, 2016

Many are condemning President Obama’s executive orders on guns , although they seem relatively mild. But let’s be real, if the car makers of America had as much political clout as the NRA, there would be an outcry if Obama made safety proposals about driver’s licenses.

 

Actually President Obama probably has it wrong; if he REALLY wanted to get serious gun control passed, he would quietly encourage the formation of American “Open Carry” Muslim groups.=

 

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says the team is open to “some risks” in getting a new young backup QB. Let’s see, wonder how many seconds after that remark went online did Jones get a phone call from Cleveland?

Just waiting for someone to ask those ‪#‎OregonMilitia‬ men who they are endorsing for President.

 

Eight Ohio State Buckeyes so far are foregoing eligibility to declare early for the NFL draft. Knowing Urban Meyer and his players, have to wonder how many of them might have worn out the patience of the Columbus police?

The new “Bachelor” season has begun. Might not bode well for some of the presidential candidates – Americans now have another way to get their regular dose of “crazy.

A six-year-old Canadian boy, Syed Adam Ahmed, has apparently been on Canada’s no-fly list since he was a toddler because of his name. Waiting for Donald Trump to weigh in and say “You can’t be too careful.”

 

 

Tonya Couch, the mom of “affluenza” teen Ethan, waived an extradition fight and will be returned to Texas. Her lawyers issued a statement While the public may not like what she did, may not agree with what she did, or may have strong feelings against what she did, make no mistake — Tonya did not violate any law of the State of Texas and she is eager to have her day in court.”
Just guessing this might be one of the few times a bipartisan jury might agree otherwise.

SF  49ers reportedly talking to Mike Shanahan about coaching vacancy. Makes sense, after Dan Snyder in Washington,  49ers owner Jed York might seem almost normal

 

In Texas, a 20-year-old young woman who was acting as a designated driver New Year’s Eve for her sorority sisters was shot dead in an apparent road rage incident. Now a suspect has been arrested, and he is an active Marine. So how do you stop a “good guy” with a gun? ‪#‎ifonlythesisterswerearmed‬

 

Arkansas  Senator Tom Cotton, a Republican, endorsed Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Primary. Wonder which Democrat in Congress might respond by endorsing Rand Paul?

A California Sheriff’s Deputy, Mark Heath, who drove cross country on vacation this December was arrested along with two friends, allegedly with 250 lbs of marijuana and $11,000 cash that they planned to deliver in Pennsylvania. In Yuba County, Heath was part of a drug and gang task force. He has now been placed on leave. (And he couldn’t have driven the pot to Oregon?) ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

 

 

Florida Atlantic University has officially fired James Tracy, a tenured professor who has publicly claimed the Sandy Hook killings were a hoax, and then feuded with parents of the victims. Good for them. But why do I think that there will no doubt be some who will be lining up to hire him?

Lowering the bar.

December 19, 2015

Florida announced that QB Will Grier. suspended until late in the 2016 season for PEDs, will transfer. Coach Jim McElwain said “this has been very difficult on him and obviously he is looking for a fresh start.” Obviously. Or at least more lax drug testing.

Martin Shkreli has tweeted out “I am confident I will prevail. The allegations against me are baseless and without merit.” Uh, has it occurred to Shkreli that the only people who don’t think he’s a complete scumbag are the same people who are plenty rich enough to get out of jury duty?

The first college bowl game – the Air Force Reserve Celebration Bowl – was today was between Alcorn State and North Carolina A&T – Be honest. Who even knew those two schools had football teams?

Our symbol is not the barbed wire fence, it is the Statue of Liberty. ‪#‎DemDebate‬ ‪#‎OMalley‬ ‪#‎Stillwontwinbutnicelysaid‬

#‎MartinOMalley‬ “Can I offer another generation’s perspective?” Not like millennials are watching, but if they were “you guys are all old.”

Love Bernie Sanders but every time you see him talk you expect to hear him yell “You punks get off my lawn.” ‪#‎DemDebate‬

So Matt Cassell managed to throw an interception and get called for intentional grounding on the same play. ‪#‎NYJvsDAL‬ Somewhere Mark Sanchez is giggling. ‪#‎almostabuttfumble‬

#‎MartinOMalley‬ “Can I offer another generation’s perspective?” Not like millennials are watching, but if they were “you guys are all old.”

 

Obama met with families of those people killed in San Bernadino yesterday, and a local GOP supervisor criticizing him for it. saying the President should have met with the wounded too. The supervisor also accused Obama of “politicizing” the tragedy. And he said it with a straight face. ‪#‎cantwin‬

 

Tonight the ‪#‎DallasCowboys‬ were officially eliminated from the playoffs. No punchline, I just like writing it.

Turkey time

November 26, 2015

 

The travel advisory says to avoid crowds. What fun is that?

 

 

dragon

So tomorrow is Black Friday.  When Americans who spent the day fighting with their relatives can use those newly honed skills to fight with their fellow shoppers over half-priced sweaters.

Police issued a court summons to a Russian man who with his son flew a drone over the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade today, and the man is complaining ‘They thought I was a terrorist.”
Uh, considering the current climate, hope the summons includes a charge for criminal stupidity.

So Johnny Manziel has now been demoted to third string after he not only was seen partying in a video, but lied to his coaches about when the video was shot. Manziel is doing for the reputed intelligence of quarterbacks what Ben Carson is doing for neurosurgeons.

Washington has announced that CB Chris Culliver tore his ACL and will be out for the season, their 6th starter out for the year. Bummer. Makes it increasingly unlikely that the 4-6 Redskins will be the NFC East team that gets blown out in the first round of the playoffs.

 

So in honor of the day and their play today, should we temporarily rename them the Philadelphia Turkeys. ‪#‎Eagles‬ ‪#‎Lions‬

No NBA games on Thanksgiving. The league did, however, give Americans a holiday turkey early with the 76ers game.

There are rumors of Chip Kelly returning to college football. And he’s doing a great job of showing he can coach a CFB playoff level team.

76ers rookie Jahlil Okafor apparently knocked a guy out in a street fight in Boston last night. Of course Okafor should know better. But hey, it might be the only win he can remember this year.

A Portland hospital is apparently the first to offer nitrous oxide,aka laughing gas, as a pain medication during labor. Have to wonder, if they started doing this sooner, how much higher might the local birth rate be?

Happy Thanksgiving , or belated Thanksgiving, to all my readers.  You are the reason I do this and I am very grateful.  Seriously.  Now back to snark.

More solid for solidarity?

November 16, 2015

Forget diets. Maybe it’s time to show our solidarity with Paris by eating french fries? Lots of french fries.

 

The 1972 Miami Dolphins would have popped champagne tonight if they had actually realized the Bengals had still been undefeated.

The Indianapolis Colts, at 4-5 and 1-4 outside their division, are in line to host an NFL playoff game. Even NBA teams are thinking that’s crazy.

New prime minister Justin Trudeau has issued a directive to Canada’s justice minister to “create a federal-provincial-territorial process that will lead to the legalization and regulation of marijuana.”
Is there any way we can do a trade with our neighbors to the north. We want Trudeau, and we’ll send them Justin Bieber AND Ted Cruz?

The Dallas Cowboys, who signed Greg Hardy in the off-season despite him being unrepentant about a domestic violence conviction, are tied for the fewest victories in the NFL. Three words to that mean bitch Karma “You go girl!”

So what happens in these Red States if the Syrian refugees start saying they are fleeing Europe because of draconian gun regulations?

Michigan, Alabama, Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, Indiana and Illinois have all said now they won’t accept Syrian refugees. Because in those states, Americans already do a good enough job of killing each other?

President Obama has just ordered U.S. flags flown at half-staff until Thursday at sunset. Waiting for the GOP Presidential candidates to tell us why this is wrong.

I understand the urge to do something, anything, after senseless killings. But why are the same people who are demanding immediate changes after all the deaths in Paris so completely laissez-faire about mass shootings here in the U.S?

Open note to those saying now U.S. should only take Christian Syrian refugees. Uh, how exactly do you prove someone is or isn’t Christian?

 

To be fair, USA should know dangers of allowing foreign refugees. Had we just refused Cubans entry in 50s we wouldn’t have ‪#‎TedCruz‬ & ‪#Marco‎Rubio‬

 

Really, Bobby Jindal says he wants to refuse Syrian refugees? Stupid. Just send them all to New Orleans, a city with a well-deserved reputation for corrupting the devout. Give even potential terrorists a few weeks and they’ll be down in the French Quarter wearing beads and praying for Allah to help the Saints.

 

If you need any more proof of what a mess American politics has become, I give you this quote from John Boehner, talking about having to sneak into meetings with Obama. “Because if I went to the White House to see the president, the right would get all worked up, wondering what I was up to. The left gets all worked up, wondering what the president is up to. ‘What are these two going to do now?”

Sarah Palin, saying she “can’t wait” for her daughter Bristol to have her second baby, expressing “enormous admiration” for single parents, and adding “the cool thing about putting your faith in God, is he certainly is a God of second chances and third and fourth and fifth chances.”
So exactly how many out-of-wedlock children is Bristol going to have?

Americans have notoriously short attention spans. But even so, hope the horrific events in Paris don’t get knocked from the front page by Charlie Sheen’s HIV status.

 

 

There is precedent for the sort of xenophobia we’re getting from some Americans today. Why when the IRA was doing horrible things to British civilians for decades U.S. naturally stopped immigration from Ireland…. Oh wait, never, mind.

From T.C.  “Justin Bieber is trying to put his past behind him by apologizing and acting more polished. To start, he will only bomb his neighbors houses with “cage free” eggs.”

Shout outs

November 16, 2015

Aaron Rodgers, calling out a fan who yelled an anti-Musim slur today at Lambeau Field. “I must admit, I was very disappointed with whoever the fan was that made a comment that was very inappropriate during the moment of silence. It’s that kind of prejudicial ideology that puts us in the position we are today as a world.”
So how often do I say about a Cal grad, well played sir, well, played.”
(even if the game wasn’t)

The way this season is going, the ones who will be yelling “Dallas sucks” loudest are Cowboys fans.

It’s a new trend for pro teams to sell game used jerseys. Alas Saints can’t do that today for defensive players. No proof they were used.

 –
Can only imagine what kind of stats Drew Brees could put up if he could play against his own defense.
Crazy week in the NFL. Have to wonder, have Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees and Peyton Manning ever had a worse Sunday?
Interesting how when SEC team beat each other up in college football it is looked upon as a sign of conference strength, whereas when Pac 12 teams beat each other it is looked upon as a sign of conference mediocrity.
 –
United sent frequent fliers a message saying that for a week you can “share your miles with friends and family and save up to 30% on the transfer price per mile. So let me get this straight, you earn the miles, and they for a short time they will graciously charge you less to give them away. And airlines wonder why we hate them.
Bernie Sanders said last night that the US had more wealth inequality “than any major country on earth.” And actually,the 2015 Global Wealth Databook puts the share of wealth held by the top 1% in the U.S. puts us “only” 11th out of 37 nations – behind Russia, Thailand, Indonesia, India, Brazil, Chile, South Africa, China, Czech Republic and Israel.
But note the countries missing. So much for our decrying the European class system.

GOP candidates often act like it were a simple thing just to bomb the bad guys out of existence. Yeah, that idea worked so well after 9 11. ‪#‎assumingweevencanaimattherightbadguys‬

Proving that no one party has a monopoly on stupidity. Dan Kimmel, a Democrat who was running for state representative in Minnesota tweeted ” ISIS isn’t necessarily evil. It is made up of people doing what they think is best for their community. Violence is not the answer, though.”
He dropped out of the race today and said the tweet was poorly worded. Ya think? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

From Bill Littlejohn, “Quarterback Blake Bortles says that his Jacksonville Jaguars are a ‘small step’ from contending. Well, remember, it took a decade and billions of dollars for Neil Armstrong’s ‘small step.’ ” .

Pancaked?

November 8, 2015

A huge sinkhole has swallowed more than a dozen cars in the parking lot of a new IHOP parking lot in Meridian, Miss. Kind of hard to stand your ground when the ground won’t stand.

Adam Vinatieri, 42, kicked a 55 yard field gold to give the Colts the win today over the Broncos and Peyton Manning. Not saying Vinatieri is old, but doesn’t it seem as if he must have also kicked against teams led by Archie Manning?

The video is horrible, no question, but if you do believe people can learn and change, Ray Rice is sure at least doing a very good imitation of a man who has done both: “I used to have a situation where kids were like, ‘I wanna be like Ray Rice.’ And now I have to think about kids and parents saying, ‘I don’t want you to be like Ray Rice.’ And that haunts me.”
Former Rep. Michele Bachmann:is now saying “The Holy Spirit is speaking to each one of us (Christians) to help bring in (convert) as many as we can — even among the Jews,” Wow. So does Bachmann think Ben Carson has a chance and she’s angling to be his running mate?
The buck passes here. Marco Rubio is attributing some of his personal expenses being billed to his GOP credit card – ,”because a travel agent had the credit card number — and they billed it to that card instead of the other card.” This including a Rubio family gathering of 20 rooms for three nights at a resort near Tallahassee starting the day he was sworn in as Florida House Speaker.
Uh, speaking for travel agents everywhere, leaving aside the number of hoops required to bill 20 rooms to one card, you make a mistake more than once like that with a credit card, you’re fired. ‪#‎callingBS‬

Texas Rep. Mike McCaul, confident that a bomb brought down the Russian plane, is saying that the Obama administration is in large part to blame because they haven’t done enough in the Mideast. And of course there’s no blame on a previous administration for doing too much in the Mideast…

You know if ‪#‎BenCarson‬ doesn’t want media reporting outrageous things he says maybe he could take a day off from saying outrageous things.

So the Dallas Cowboys have now lost six games in a row. So maybe Greg Hardy can get legally away with beating up and threatening a woman, but maybe also he can’t hide from that mean bitch karma.

A U.S jail escapee was arrested in Mexico after police were able to track him i because he was posting selfies on Facebook. He’s being held in a Mexican jail and is facing extradition back to… Idaho? Your move, Florida. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

Vikings quarterback Teddy Bridgewater, who was elbowed in the head by Rams DB Lamarcus Joyner today, has been diagnosed with a concussion. If the NFL really wanted to stop this sort of thing it would be simple – injure a starter with an illegal hit that gets you fined, and you are out until they can return, even if it’s a season ending injury.

Oxford, MS, for the tweet of the month, maybe the year, after the Razorbacks shred the Ole Miss defense and win 53-52 in OT –

@OxfordPolice   Asking us to kick the Arkansas QB out of the stadium is not a legit reason to dial 911. ‪#‎ARKvsMISS‬

Home cooked?

October 8, 2015

What home field advantage? ‪#‎MLBPostseason‬

A pro-White Sox bar in Chicago is offering free beer after every St. Louis Cardinals home run against the Cubs. Okay, I see a potential promotion for San Francisco area bars for the Mets-Dodgers series.

Best wishes to Vin Scully. Los Angeles just announced that their 88-year-old announcer will miss the postseason after undergoing a “recommended medical procedure.” And SFGiants fans hope Dodgers have plenty of time starting next week to visit Vin in the hospital.

Some complain baseball doesn’t have a national TV audience anymore. One reason that most Americans aren’t familiar with any but their local teams and a handful of big name teams. So now in the playoffs, MLB has a chance to introduce us to the Blue Jays and Rangers. And they put ALDS games 1 and 2 on weekday at 330p and 1245p EST…..

Strangely fun to see orange in the postseason, even if it’s not Giants Orange. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

The Cowboys’ Greg Hardy, about his impending return from a suspension for domestic violence “”I hope I come out guns blazing,”
(Hardy was actually convicted of the 2014 assault but had his case dismissed on appeal when Nicole Holder didn’t show up He had thrown her on a pile of guns, bragged they were loaded and threatened to kill her with one of them.) ‪#‎stayclassy‬

And maybe all you need to know about Roger Goodell and today’s NFL is that Goodell is pushing hard to make sure Tom Brady gets that full four-game suspension that matches Hardy’s.  (And I don’t even like the Patriots or Saint Brady)  #Priorities.

A video is going viral of the Pirates’ Sean Rodriguez attacking a water cooler during yesterday’s Wild Card game. Pity Pittsburgh batters didn’t hit Arrieta as hard as Rodriguez hit the cooler.

A frat at Indiana University has been suspended over a possible sexual assault, after they posted a video of the incident on Twitter. Not that we always didn’t have ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, but social media has certainly expanded stupid’s reach.

Chris Burns, an assistant coach at Bryant University, is making headlines as the first Division 1 basketball coach to come out of the closet. Uh, that was Sheri Murrell at Portland State. But good for him, each announcement makes the next one a little less of a story. And maybe someday being gay in sports won’t be a story at all. ‪#‎wecandream‬

Kevin McCarthy has just withdrawn from the House Speaker’s race. Proving again that old adage “Better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Injured Junior Bruins’ LB Myles Jack says he is dropping out UCLA and entering the 2016 NFL draft because he wants “compensation for what I have done.” Well, clearly Jack should have gone to USC.

An 22 year old man called 911 to report that he was “too high on weed” and “could not feel his hands.” Police found him laying on the floor surrounded by “a plethora of Doritos, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and Chips Ahoy cookies.”

This story is from Ohio. Your move, Florida.

Volkswagen’s CEO, testifying before Congress, said it may take years to fix all the rigged cars. And it will take even longer to fix the company’s reputation.

USC coach Steve Sarkisian said late August he was going to rehab. The way Trojans have played the last two games at home you’d think Sarkisian wants most USC fans to need to join him.

Proving that it’s possible to do brain surgery without a working brain: Today’s gem from Ben Carson ” I have had a gun held on me when I was in a Popeyes [in Baltimore]. … A guy comes in, puts the gun in my ribs, and I just said, “I believe that you want the guy behind the counter.” … He said, “Oh, okay.” ‪#‎realAmericanhero‬ ‪#‎yeshesaidit‬

If this keeps up no telling what Trump will have to do to grab the headlines back. Later today on CNN Ben Carson said the holocaust would have been less likely had Jews been armed…. ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Four Russian missiles fired at targets in Syria instead landed in a remote part of Iran.So, you see, Colin Kaepernick, you are not alone.”

And how many hours after the early bird special?

April 23, 2015

Impressive win by the Spurs tonight in OT against the Clippers in Los Angeles. Heck, impressive with the game ending after 10pm PT, midnight CT, that most of the team was up that much past their bedtimes.

Gregg Popovich used the “Hack a Jordan” strategy tonight in the win,  putting DeAndre Jordan at the line repeatedly.  Ugly, yes.  Fun to watch, no, fun for the Clippers, no. But there IS a solution, for Jordan and others – learn to shoot a bleeping free throw.

The Oklahoma City Thunder fired Scott Brooks today, after he had coached the team for seven years. Guess Brooks didn’t do a good enough job of making sure Durant and Westbrook didn’t get hurt?

Jameis Winston now says he didn’t steal the crab legs, but they were given to him by a Publix employee. as was a cake the week before. Uh, illegal benefits? Vacate the Seminoles wins! Or at the very least the NCAA should put USC on probation again.

Your tax dollars at work. Today the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals reversed Barry Bonds’ obstruction of justice conviction . Saying his vague grand jury answer was “not material to the government’s investigation into steroids distribution.” But hey, this decision itself can be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. More tax dollars!

Greg Hardy was suspended for 10 games by the NFL after he was found guilty of assaulting and threatening to kill a former girlfriend. If he’d actually killed her would the Cowboys’ new DE have been given 12 games?

Really, former Chicago Bears kicker Jay Feely said Tim Tebow is the worst QB he has even seen in his NFL career? With all due respect, Tebow might not have even been the worst QB Feely saw on the Bears.

A Carnival Cruise ship made it to Sydney Harbor 24 hours late after suffering some damage from 40-foot waves during a major storm. No reported injuries. But stand by anyway for the CNN mini-series.

Revenge for the 21st century:. When a Japanese woman discovered her boyfriend was cheating on her, she put his iMac, iPhone, iPad and accessories into the bath tub. And then sent him a picture. Even in drought-stricken California most women would say that’s a fine use of water.

(Andy D. says,  “The waterproof Android phones need this as their new commercial!”)

 

Mitt Romney’s son Josh has said, for now, that he won’t run for the Senate in 2016, but thinks he will run for office some day in the future. Isn’t it nice to know that we live in a meritocracy that isn’t led by family dynasties?

During a question and answer session at the White House today for “Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day, a little girl asked Michelle Obama how old she was, and when Michelle responded, “51,” the girl made a funny face, and said “You look too young.” Then repeated “You’re too young for a 51 year old!”

Wonder if the House hearing this, immediately called for a special investigation.

The danger zone?

January 13, 2015

In D.C. one woman has died, two are in critical condition, and 81 others were injured when smoke filled a DC Metro station. And apparently this was caused by an electrical fault. Who needs terrorists when we have an aging and underfunded infrastructure?

 

 

Well, now that the Oregon-Ohio State game is over, we don’t have to see ESPN’s silly countdown clock to the National Championship.  ESPN’s countdown clock to the Super Bowl no doubt starts tomorrow.

When asked if he would ever consider moving to the NFL, Urban Meyer said, “Not right now. I’ve got a commitment to Ohio State.” Translation, ‘no ones offered me enough money, and none of my players here have yet been arrested for a felony.”

Caradle Jones, the third-string QB who led OSU to the National Championship, when asked about leaving early for the NFL – “In my personal opinion, I’m not ready for that level yet.” Well, maybe, but Jones might be at least ready for the level of the Jets.

Apparently Urban Meyer promised his team if they won the national championship he’d get a tattoo. And unlike his players, the OSU coach won’t get in trouble if he doesn’t pay for it.

Stay classy, Texas congressman Randy Weber tweeted, “Even Adolph Hitler thought it more important than Obama to get to Paris. (For all the wrong reasons.) Obama couldn’t do it for right reasons.” Just guessing Rep. Weber, who crusades against gay marriage and immigration, “our traditional family values are under attack,” isn’t even likely to pick up a copy of Charlie Hebdo.

 

Mike Huckabee criticizes the Obamas in an interview with PEOPLE magazine because they “on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful,” but they let their daughters listen to Beyonce. Yep, clearly a major lapse in parental judgment, and the President and First Lady might even let the girls read stuff like PEOPLE magazine.

 

 

Jason Garrett signed a new five year contract with the Dallas Cowboys. The deal was based on Garrett’s loyalty, success on the field, and ability to tolerate Jerry Jones.

Dianne Feinstein says the Justice Dept erred in recommending charges against General Petraeus over him giving his mistress access to some classified government documents. “It’s done, it’s over. He’s retired. He’s lost his job. How much does government want.” Besides, Petraeus probably didn’t leak as much as any two-bit college hacker can find in a day.

Rep. Randy Weber has apologized for his recent tweet, saying it “It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare the President to Adolf Hitler.” Considering the way that the Texas GOP demonizes Obama was Weber apologizing to the President or to Hitler?

 

 

Donald Trump is suing Palm Beach County because he says the airport is deliberately routing flights over his mansion – and causing “excessive, unreasonable, unwarranted and uninvited noise. The alleged motivation? Revenge for Trump’s blocking the airport expansion in the 1990s.

Well, if they weren’t doing it on purpose before, no doubt the airport director appreciates the idea.

United Airlines has warned 2,000 workers that they may outsource gate agents and baggage handlers at 28 non-hub airports.. So you think their customer service is bad now? Cheer up, it may get worse.

Gorgeous George

January 12, 2015

Tina Fey at the Golden Globes: “George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria and was selected for a three-person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.”

Hey, I thought Amal WAS Clooney’s lifetime achievement award.

 

With ‪#‎jesuisCharlie‬ trending, it’s the first time most Americans have learned a French phrase since Lady Marmalade and ‪#‎voulezvouscouchezavecmoi‬.

Aaron Rodgers was calling “New York Bozo” at the line during the Green Bay -Dallas game.  Silly man. Chris Christie is from New Jersey.

 

Cowboys fans are still upset about the refs overturning Dez Bryant’s catch. Understandable. It might have been the most controversial reversed NFL call in the past… week.

 

And who knows, some Dallas fans were perhaps unhappy to discover that paying off referees left then open in future to a higher bidder.

So now that the ‪#‎Cowboys‬ have lost, Chris Christie can stop ignoring New Jersey on weekends for football and get back to ignoring the state for the important business of running for President.

Although if I’m a referee from today’s Green Bay – Dallas game, I maybe allow a little extra time for future bridge crossings.

 

A second Ducks star has been suspended for smoking pot. So who knew the NCAA national championship could come down to Oregon legalizing marijuana before Ohio?

Rex Ryan is going to coach the Buffalo Bills. The NY Daily reports that he preferred the Falcons, but Atlanta was ‘dragging their feet’ on the process. And we all know how Rex feels about feet.

 

The 49ers’ offensive coordinator Greg Roman is apparently leaving to follow Rex Ryan to the Bills. So just how toxic does owner Jed York have to be to make moving to Buffalo an upgrade over staying in San Francisco?

Rutgers just upset #4 Wisconsin in college basketball. Which means Chris Christie should be happy. Except that since he apparently started rooting for the ‪#‎Cowboys‬ when local teams s*cked, Christie probably cheers for Kentucky or Arizona.

All aboard the bus to hell. Who knew it would be more dangerous to attend a Chris Brown concert than a Paris anti-terror rally?

 

FOX News etc criticizing President Obama for only sending U.S. Ambassador to France Jane Hartley to the Unity rally in Paris. Uh, Obama also didn’t forbid any members of Congress from going over to join the rally.

My friend Gib. W. says “Fox was just upset because they’d already worked up a chart on the cost of Obama going.”

 

 

Most of these women on the ‪#‎GoldenGlobes‬ look like they spent a lot of time and effort to have smooth faces that look like they came from the same doll mold. ‪#‎Plasticisntsexy‬

Je suis Charlie

January 7, 2015

Such horrible news out of France with Charlie Hebdo. And over cartoons? I don’t care what religion you are, I’ll take the bus to hell any day over people who believe in a God with no sense of humor.

This picture from a gathering in France in support of Charlie Hebdo  – guess it’s time to give the French surrender jokes a rest for a while:

 

jesuischarliew

And back on the bus to hell.

 

A TLC new show titled “My Husband’s Not Gay” will focus on four men who admit to being attracted to men, but are married to women. Wonder if the show will be narrated by Michele Bachmann?

#‎JameisWinston‬ will apparently declare for the NFL draft. With luck he’ll be drafted by the NY Jets. ‪#‎Iloveagoodcircus‬

 

The ‪#‎NYKnicks‬ have lost their 13th game in a row and are 5-33. Rather shocking. How did they ever win 5 games?

 

The Detroit Pistons have won seven games in a row since they released Josh Smith, who was in year 2 of a 4 year, $54 million contract.   Wonder how many more games the Philadelphia 76ers could win if they released the entire team?

#‎StLouis‬ leaders say the ‪#‎Rams‬ officials are not returning their calls. I think this is now ‪#‎NFL‬ version of “He’s just not that into you.”

Jerry Jones, on why he had Chris Christie in his box “Whenever I can get around important or exciting people, I want to do it…I’ve got a nice little list of sitting with some pretty big winners at some of these key games.. I knew Nelson Mandela, I got to sit with him, and took him to the dressing room, and you can imagine how the players went crazy and coaches, just to meet Nelson Mandela.”

Yeah, when I think of people to compare to Nelson Mandela, Chris Christie comes right to mind.

Justin Bieber is the new “face” of Calvin Klein. Well, that ought to help the brand with Bieber’s adult fans, both of them..

Ah, here we go. Potential liberal on liberal violence ahead. Or at least a war of words. A judge today struck down California’s foie gras ban.

 

A least nine cases of measles have been reported with children visiting Disneyland and California Adventure over the holidays. Wonder how many of the idiots who didn’t vaccinate their kids were screaming last year that the U.S. should have done more to protect them from Ebola.

Father of the year award: Police were called to a party near San Diego, where they found about 200 teenagers drinking alcohol, and girls dressed in Playboy bunny outfits. It was a birthday party for an 18 year old girl. hosted by her dad.

The fun is starting early in the House. After saying months ago he would not retaliate against dissenters, John Boehner kicked two Republicans who voted against him for Speaker off the House Rules Committee. One said it was “something I would assume Vladimir Putin would do.”

And somewhere, President Obama is giggling.

From Marc Ragovin:   “Responding to his critics, Chris Christie said that he has always been a Cowboys fan and that he did not just jump on the bandwagon. “Thank god,” said the bandwagon.”

The 2.7% factor?

January 6, 2015

Okay, Randy Johnson was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame after earning votes of 97.3% of the writers. The real news of the day:. Who are the idiots who didn’t think the Big Unit was good enough?

 

Not that I am equating the two, so hold the hater comments. But the people who insist there were no PED users in MLB before Bonds and company are about as realistic as those who insist there are no gay men in MLB, or the NFL or NBA…..

Great, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones wants Chris Christie at Lambeau Field for the Dallas-Green Bay game Sunday, saying “He’s part of our mojo. I want him there all the way. I’ll tell you, if he’s got enough mojo to pull this thing out, he ought to be looked at as President of the United States.”

Uh, my cat might have proven her voodoo powers with the SFGiants World Series win in 2014, but that doesn’t mean she should be President.

Clearly I am not a coffee snob. I hear all the talk about “flat whites” and think it’s the Carnac answer to “What happens when Chris Christie jumps on people in the Cowboys’ luxury box?”

 

Bus to hell time, again. So former SF Giants All-Star Stu Miller died just as they are about to implode Candlestick Park. Talk about the potential for scattered ashes.

Novelist and screenwriter Nicholas Sparks and his wife are ending their marriage of 25 years.. So assume he will turn the divorce into a soppy story and movie to pay alimony?

Adam Vinatieri, 42, was randomly drug-tested after Sunday’s game, when he made a 53 yard field goal. Fortunately the Colts kicker no doubt travels with the list of approved drugs he gets through Medicare.

Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has been sentenced to two years in prison for his 11 convictions on public corruption charges. So sounds like he’ll be out in plenty of time to run for mayor of D.C. or any office in Louisiana.

The GOP-led House voted to keep John Boehner as speaker, despite challenges from Reps. Louie Gohmert of Texas and Ted Yoho of Florida. ‪#‎wearecrazybutnotthatcrazy‬

 

O.J. Simpson’s Heisman Trophy, which was stolen in a 1994 USC burglary, has just been recovered. O.J. has immediately petitioned for parole so he can hunt for the real burglars.

From Bill Littlejohn,  “The upcoming NCAA football championship will feature Pac-12’s Oregon vs. Big Ten’s Ohio State in a (former) Rose Bowl matchup. Shouldn’t they move it to Pasadena, Texas?”

Decisions, decisions.

November 5, 2014

A very low turnout in this year’s midterm elections. Which must on some level make all the winners and incumbents very happy.  Since all those people who didn’t vote have forfeited their bitching rights.

 

The polls are closed across the U.S. So finally the emails requesting money for the 2014 election will stop. The emails requesting money for 2016 start this morning.

Not that I’m wishing harm on anyone, but it will be interesting to see what happens this winter the first time some natural disaster hits some state where a GOP leader has won election campaigning against the federal government.

 

What a country. Kim Kardashian Monday night posted “‘I’m standing w Obama in the midterm election 2morrow!’ Of course, since Kim probably didn’t take time to vote she probably didn’t even notice the President not being on the ballot.

Not sure what Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who’s been downplaying her ties to Sarah Palin, might be like in the Senate. But her husband Gail at least looks like a gift for the comedy industry. This from his FB page last year: “What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard screaming and bloody? Stay calm. Reload. And try again.”

 

 

In Florida, Democrats had hoped a medical marijuana initiative would help Charlie Crist in Tuesday’s election. Alas wonder how many supporters  of the amendment will show up to vote Wednesday.

A statement that kind of sums up American priorities. This from Kristin Mavromatis with the Mecklenburg County Board of Elections in North Carolina: “There are lines all over the place Not quite as long as the line at the Cheesecake Factory but there are lines.”

Wonder how many people who didn’t think they have time to vote had time to update their fantasy football teams. ‪#‎ElectionDay‬

Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. “We need, I think, an older white guy appreciation day, I think they have done a lot for this country.” With all due respect, in the U.S. EVERY day is “older white guy appreciation day.”

 

A Virgin Australia flight bound for Sydney had to return to Los Angeles because of a plumbing problem that resulting in a nauseating smell on board. Ah for the good old days, when the most nauseating thing on a plane was the free food.

President Obama just declared the lava flow from Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano to be a major disaster, which frees up federal money to help. Wonder how many people are thinking.”Yeah, just like Obama to send U.S. money overseas.”

 

Tony Romo says he is optimistic about Sunday’s game in London. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be optimistic with the prospect of playing the Jacksonville Jaguars?

 

Another why there is no satire: Dallas Cowboys hashtag for their London game is ‪#‎CowboysUK‬ Yes, they do.-

 

 

The LA Dodgers have hired Oakland A’s assistant GM Farhan Zaidi as their next GM. Right, okay, because the Athletics lasted so much longer than the Dodgers in recent playoffs.