Posted tagged ‘Bill Clinton jokes’

Still the one.

July 26, 2016

Hillary Clinton to “young girls” watching,  says she hopes to be the first woman president” but “you will be next.” Ok, but, I would like  more women presidents BEFORE they grow up.

‪#‎BillClinton‬ “For those of us with more yesterdays than tomorrows its all about our children & grandchildren” ‪#‎HesStillGotIt‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

Bill Clinton is proving tonight you dont have to be ‪#‎MickJagger‬ to be a 70 year old rock star. ‪#‎DemConvention‬

Bill Clinton may or may not be “First Man” But making strong pitch to take over commercial for ‪#‎MostInterestingManInTheWorld‬

Bill Clinton on Dorothy Rodman “Knowing her was one of Hillary’s greatest gifts to me.” Shameless & lovely plug for the mother-in-law vote.

Seeing just a bit of sniping against Michelle and her future prospects after her speech saying she’s just a first lady. But really, does anyone think if Barack didn’t marry her that he’d be in the Oval Office today? ‪#‎hemarriedup‬

 

#‎MattCain‬ not only got the win tonight, he threw down the hitting gauntlet to ‪#‎Madbum‬ tomorrow. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Would like to thank aliens who abducted ‪#‎SFGiants‬ & started wearing their uniforms for returning our real Giants tonight.

The Cowboys now have three defensive players suspended for substance abuse at the start of the 2016 season. So to their coaching staff will Dallas be adding a probation officer?

Eagles LB Nigel Bradham was arrested in Miami for aggravated assault; he allegedly beat up a 50 year-old hotel worker who didn’t get his umbrella set up quickly enough. Is Bradham trying to get traded to the 49ers or Cowboys?

Aaron Rodgers on his estranged little brother Jordan on “The Bachelorette” “I haven’t seen the show. To be honest with you, so it hasn’t really affected me a whole lot. As far as those kinds of things go, I’ve always found that it’s a little inappropriate to talk publicly about some family matters, so I’m just — I’m not going to speak on those things, but I wish him well in the competition.”
Sounds like Aaron actually learned something at Cal.

So now Trump is attacking Bernie Sanders. Is there anyone the Donald doesn’t turn on eventually, including the women he marries?

‪#‎CoryBooker‬ responded to @realDonaldTrump’s nasty tweet with “I love you Donald.” So is that the New Jersey equivalent of ‪#‎BlessYourHeart‬

Donald Trump is threatening not to pay a hotel in Virginia for an event Monday because he said it was too hot in the ballroom. Maybe because there isn’t an air-conditioning system in the world that can deal with that much hot air?

Donald Trump now says instead of using Twitter once elected President he’d have a personal White House hotline that will keep him “very busy at night” for complaints against VA hospitals.
Who is he kidding, the Donald didn’t even deal with complaints against Trump University?

 

Some critical of  Bill Clinton’s ignoring ‪#‎MonicaLewinsky‬ years. Same folks didn’t have a problem with ‪#‎Trump‬ not mentioning his 1st 2 wives.

Madeleine Albright says national security is not like hosting a reality tv show. Trump listening and trying to figure out how to fire her.

 

Interesting review of Clinton’s speech. “Bill cast Hillary as a real person—when she herself can seem remote, brittle, defensive and evasive. He sold her far better than she sells herself The man can tell a story. And in politics, that matters.”
The commie pinko sources? FoxNews.com

So the Dems aren’t all quite coming together and singing “Kumbaya.” On the other hand, they’re not making speeches like Ted Cruz, or doing stuff like John Kasich, who posted a fake website for “Trump-Putin 2016.” ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

 

Nice change over all today for unity at the DNC though . From Marc Ragovin “Hillary Clinton got so beaten up in Philadelphia on the opening night of the Democratic National Convention that even Santa Claus felt sorry for her.”

Elvis has returned to the building.

September 6, 2012

Overlooked Bill Clinton comment on Barack Obama’s bipartisan talents:   “He appointed Cabinet members who supported Hillary in the primaries — heck, he even appointed Hillary.”

A thought about our 24/7 modern electronic era. Wonder if Bill Clinton would have ever been elected if he had the ability to send pictures and text from a phone?

Who’d have thought a generation ago that the Democratic party would turn out to have the best Bubba?

Bill Clinton is hardly a poster child for being a good husband. But all sarcasm aside, after speeches like tonight’s, it’s not hard to see why Hillary has stuck with him all these years. A deeply flawed but fascinating man.

Amazing to watch how much Paul Ryan and others in the GOP now profess to admire Bill Clinton. This warm fuzzy talk will last exactly until November 7, when they start running against Hillary for 2016.

There were rumors that the Red Sox had fired Bobby Valentine today. So far those rumors are false. And frustrated Red Sox fans are thinking – “Good, if we have to put up with this mess through the end of the year, so do you.”

The way the Orioles and A’s are streaking, the New York Yankees could actually miss the playoffs. Quick, how fast can Bud Selig add a third wildcard?

All this commotion starting with  Paul Ryan being upset about the fact that the word “God”  originally didn’t appear in the Democratic Party platform. … But hey, another document that doesn’t use the world God? The U.S. Constitution.

From Mark Ricklis:   “Maybe Ly’in Ryan ran the Marathon so fast because he was on that High Fibber diet”

.

Ann Romney said today that they haven’t led a “charmed life”, and that with MS “I know what it is like to have no hope.” I’m glad Ann’s disease is in remission. But how can her husband, with the best family healthcare money can buy, now want to deny the basics to the average American?

San Franciscans who are also baseball fans would like to take a break from politics to extend a hearty thank you to San Diego and the Padres.

(who for non-baseball fan readers, have won two in a row from the Los Angeles Dodgers.)

Foreign affairs

May 13, 2010

Apparently in an upcoming book, France’s first lady Carla Bruni claims her sex life has suffered because her husband, President Nicolas Sarkozy, is too busy with his job to attend to her needs. In related news, Bill Clinton has offered to accompany Hillary on her next diplomatic mission to Paris.


While I like President Obama, in some ways I miss the simple days of Bill Clinton’s presidency. The economy was great, the U.S. wasn’t at war, and the most devastating spill in the country was on a blue dress.

After four playoff games againsts the Montreal Canadiens, the Pittsburgh Penguins looked like Stanley Cup Champions. After seven games they looked like the San Jose Sharks.


Following the lead of Arizona, the state of Pennsylvania has declared war on immigrants. Specifically those from Canada

This was the worst Penguin performance since Carla’s husband was run over by that Zamboni. (This joke will make sense to old “Cheers” fans only.)

A Texas high school may have to forfeit their entire season, and a 22-year-old man is in jail, after he posed as a 16-year-old to play basketball. How do teachers tell if a kid might be older than he looks? One thought – if after having sex he drives himself home.

Arizona’s governor has signed a bill prohibiting classes to be taught that are designed for any particular group. Which means members of U of A’s and ASU’s football teams will have to scramble to find a substitute for “underwater basketweaving.”


So Lawrence Taylor’s current defense against rape charges with a 16 year old girl is that he simply “pleasured himself” while she was in the room. And Taylor’s wife then added that she knew her husband’s tastes regarding appearance and “activities”, and the teen “had nothing to offer him.”

Even Mark Sanford is going “TMI.”


How bad is BP looking in this oil spill? Some children of oil company executives are now lying at school and saying their fathers are lawyers.

St. Patrick’s Day…

March 17, 2010

Where single men go out and pretend they are Irish, while also pretending that they don’t normally drink that much. Plus, since it’s March Madness, many of them will claim they know more about basketball than simply filling out random brackets. And then most of them will complain that “women don’t understand the real me.”


So with all of these scandals, there’s one imperfect politician whose image might be looking a little better now… Bill Clinton.

Actually, in all seriousness Bill doesn’t look so bad anymore. A little garden variety tomcatting, no soul mates, no trips to argentina, no high priced prostitutes and no tickle parties. And no babies. As far as we know.


Fascination-repulsion reaction to Rielle Hunter’s interview. Who would have thought Bill Clinton would turn out to been a better husband than John Edwards?

ABBA was just inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. If Elvis wasn’t dead, this just killed him.

Someone stole a truck in Benicia, California, containing over 1100 cases of wine, valued at $50,000. That’s $45 a case, less than $4 a bottle. Guess the police aren’t looking for wine snobs.


From Ben Burnett:

A Montreal man the FBI once called Canada’s biggest movie pirate will be sentenced on Tuesday for illegally distributing copyrighted material on the internet…..the harshest part of his sentence calls for “Hannah Montana: The Movie” to be played on a loop in his cell.



Definition of eternity – Brett Favre trying to finalize his NCAA tournament brackets.


Inspired by a joke from Paul Seaburn – John McCain and Sarah Palin will be campaigning together in Arizona for the first time since the Presidential election. McCain was worried at first, but now has a plan to make sure Palin doesn’t say anything embarrassing. Before they hit the campaign trail, he’s going to make her wash her hands.


Tiger Woods said he is returning to golf at the Masters next months. That’s fantastic news said CBS, all their advertisers, and absolutely none of the other golfers who have qualified for the tournament.


I can see the headlines now if Woods has a decent first round “Tiger still knows how to put it in the hole.”