Archive for the ‘baseball jokes’ category

FLOTUS

July 25, 2016

Often imitated, never duplicated ‪#‎MichelleObama‬

 

“This right now is the greatest country on Earth.” And @BarackObama gets reminded again that he married up. ‪#‎MichelleObama‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

 

 

Is it being too much of a girl to have been in love w/ ‪#‎MichelleObama‬‘s speech & at same time going “I love her hair? Asking for a friend

How often do people say “Tonight I am proud to be from New Jersey?” ‪#‎CoryBooker‬ ‪#‎DNCinPhilly‬

 (“You can’t love your country without loving your countrymen and women.  #CoryBooker tonight)

 

Love ‪#‎bridgeovertroubledwater‬, but tonight Simon w/o Garfunkel showed why going it alone isn’t enough. ‪#‎StrongerTogether‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

Another woman who, even if she doesn’t get everything she wanted, still rolls up her sleeves to get to work. ‪#‎ElizabethWarren‬ ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

Since 2004, I was and remain (albeit older) an Obama girl. Hillary Clinton got almost the same number of votes, 18 million, in the 2008 Primaries as Barack Obama. So it’s understandable that her very disappointed supporters did their best to disrupt the 2008 DNC convention. Oh wait, they didn’t. Never mind.

 

A simple statement for Bernie fans, with Clinton elected, Bernie Sanders will have much more power in USA than under Trump.

Earlier today  word that some of Sanders’ supporters have “serious interest” in a “formal challenge” to replace Kaine on the ticket.
Sigh, are they trying to prove this IS their first rodeo?

Also earlier today, reports of Sanders delegates booing… Bernie?! WTF? Is this the result of too many years of participation trophies. ‪#‎DemsInPhilly‬

 

All of this politics as reality TV is getting really confusing: At one point during ‪#‎DemsinPhilly‬ do Hillary and Bernie retire to Fantasy Suite?

Don’t get me wrong,  putting what they did in emails was stupid. But just wondering how many folks condemning ‪#‎DNC‬ would be OK with coworkers, friends & family seeing what they wrote about them in their emails.

 

“Do I regret standing up for what I believe in? Absolutely not. Do I regret saying business should not be first before winning? Absolutely not.” Fine sentiments from White Sox pitcher Chris Sale, but dude, we’re talking about UNIFORMS. ‪#‎acutabove‬

Cubs have now lost 4 straight starts by Jake Arrieta, SFGiants have lost 5 of 7 starts by Madison Bumgarner. Time for these two pitchers to start an “Offenses anonymous” club?

#‎SFGiants‬ really need to start doing a better job again distracting us in the Bay Area from trivial things like the fate of our country.

‪#‎BarryBonds‬ turned 52 years old yesterday. And he could still probably outhit most of the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ current lineup.

 

Is it going to take Madison Bumgarner hitting again on Wednesday to get ‪#‎SFGiants‬ back on track out of this slump?

Sunday night

July 24, 2016

So we don’t have a woman president, yet but we do have @jessmendoza on @ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. It’s a start!

 

‪#‎SFGiants‬ don’t really want Aroldis Chapman  (cost and last year’s domestic violence arrest.)  But they’d be fine with the ‪#‎Yankees‬ not trading him to ‪#‎Nationals‬ before next weekend’s series.

 

#‎MikeMayers‬, MLB debut, 1.1 inning, 9 runs, 60.75 ERA. I feel for his mother. ‪#‎LAvsSTL‬

Chris Sale has been suspended five games for destroying his team’s throwback uniforms, which he didn’t want to wear,  before Saturday’s game.   On the other hand, he’s been offered freelance contracts by a lot of college football fans.

While ‪#‎ChrisSale‬ is serving that 5 game suspension could he come to ‪#‎SF‬ & cut up ‪#‎SFGiants‬ road uniforms? They don’t apparently work anymore.

Australian athletes are not moving into the Olympic village because they say it’s “uninhabitable,” with numerous safety issues. And Rio’s mayor responded “I almost feel like putting a kangaroo in front of their building to make them feel at home.” ‪#‎whatiftheyhadanOlympicsandnobodycame‬?

The ‪#‎IOC‬ will not completely ban ‪#‎Russia‬ from the ‪#‎RioOlympics‬. And many Russian athletes are thinking now “Damn, so this means we have to go?

 

#‎Trump‬, disbelieving Roger Ailes charge “because he’s a very good person,” & because ‪#‎theDonald‬ never considered that behavior harassment?

Oxymoron online ad of the day – “Upgrade to Yahoo search.”

Business Insider reports that many Kmart employees expect the company soon to close all their stores. And many Americans are going “Kmart still has stores?”

Donald Trump now proposes stop immigration “from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism,” and wouldn’t rule out France and Germany. Uh, actually would the Donald like to find ONE country that doesn’t have terrorism, including the USA?

But if ‪#‎Trump‬‘s idea of banning immigrants from countries “compromised by terrorism” catches on around the world, it could be rough for Americans trying to move to Canada

Have no problem with removing Debbie Wasserman Schultz as head of the DNC for the convention and beyond. But anyone want to hazard a guess what the RNC internal emails might look like about Trump and others in the GOP primaries?

Critics are saying ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ should have had ‪#‎DebbieWassermanSchultz‬ fired. Uh, and who’s to say she didn’t?

V.P. note for grouchy Dems who wanted someone other than Tim Kaine: Cory Booker, Sherrod Brown & Elizabeth  Warren, all would’ve had their Senate seats filled by GOP governors.

Would have loved Clinton to take Booker. But Kaine ups her likability quotient. And I could get used to hearing “Senate Majority Leader Warren.”

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Republican chaos.   But some of same Democrats who are gleefully looking forward to November with the GOP not rallying behind Trump are also saying that Sanders shouldn’t throw his support to Clinton.

KaineTouchThis?

July 22, 2016

Hillary Clinton has selected Tim Kaine as her running mate. #YesWeKaine

 

Donald Trump “Tim Kaine may be fluent in Spanish but he can’t make a taco bowl as good as the one in Trump Tower.”

So ‪#‎Panik‬ on DL, ‪#‎Duffy‬ on DL, and the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ gold-glove winning shortstop is the one who makes 3 errors in game….‪#‎WTF‬ #SFGiants

If Bochy had resisted the urge to use DH, ‪#‎Madbum‬ would have been up in bottom of 4th with bases loaded instead of Blanco. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

Fortunately since he is not pitching Saturday Madison Bumgarner is available to pinch hit.

RIP‬ ‪#‎DennisGreen‬. Stanford fans remember him for the important things – he went 3-0 in Big Games, and his 1990 team upset #1 Notre Dame.

Many Americans are unaware that ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ is a year younger than ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬. Maybe because she has an age appropriate spouse?

Alas, it’s been almost 10 years since we lost the woman who really should have been commenting on Trump’s speech, but her comment on Pat Buchanan’s speech from 1992 will do just fine: “It probably sounded better in the original German.” ‪#‎MollyIvins‬

But here’s the 2016 quote:  “I’m overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues that I’ve championed for years. My slogan remains America first.” David Duke

Yep, she’s the Donald’s daughter alright. After her speech last night, Ivanka Trump posted a tweet. About her policies, promises, politics.. ? Nope.
“Shop Ivanka’s look from her ‪#‎RNC‬ speech” with a link where to buy the dress at Macy’s.

The dress ‪#‎IvankaTrump‬ wore for her speech last night, from her own clothing line, was made in China. ‪#‎MakeAmericaFakeAgain‬

 

#‎IvankaTrump‬ did look pretty in dress at ‪#‎RNC‬ from her own clothing line Wonder if she looked like fairy princess to children who made it?

 

How often do I say this, but well played ‪#‎STLCards‬, well played! ‪#‎silverlining‬ in a tough week. 16 innings against ‪#‎Dodg-ers‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Knicks point guard Derrick Rose “With these teams right now, they’re saying us and Golden State are the super teams, and they’re trying not to build that many super teams.”
Uh, is Rose daring the NBA to drug test him?

 

One of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s tweets last night – “This is a movement.” Yes, a bowel movement. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

So in all seriousness, we heard a lot last night about how much Trump’s employees adored him. But I’ve been in the travel industry a long time, never heard any of the love – have gotten things like this direct quote from an unidentified employee at an unidentified Trump hotel – back in 2012 -“Just so you know he does not own the hotel – we all hate his policies!!!!”

And a contender for airline euphemism for the day, from Southwest. “We continue to manage through lingering disruptions following performance issues across multiple technology systems Wednesday,”
Translation, “We’re still cleaning up from our complete bleeping computer crash.”

Dreaming?

July 20, 2016

Right about now after the last week both the SF Giants and GOP have to be hoping to see Bobby come out of that shower.  #Dallas

#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ feeling sorry for ‪#‎Dodgers‬ with ‪#‎Kershaw‬ potentially needing back surgery. Maybe they can ship ‪#‎Cain‬ to ‪#‎LA‬ as a replacement.

#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

The Big 12 is thinking of expanding in football, from 10 teams to 12. Arithmetic, what a concept.

 

Paul Ryan, at a meeting of the Texas GOP, talked about the football rivalries like A&M and Texas, “When one of the teams advances to a big bowl game or a national championship, don’t you root for the Aggies if you are a Longhorn?”
The speaker got booed. Good thing Ryan didn’t try that in the Florida delegation with the Gators and Seminoles. He might still be in intensive care.

 

Paul Ryan also talked about Ohio State and Michigan rooting for each other in bowl games because they were in the same conference. Does the man realize that Ohio is in an open-carry state?

 

Well, not sure what @realDonaldTrump might plagiarize on Thursday, but just guessing it won’t be Reagan’s “tear down that wall.” ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Reports are that John ‪#‎Kasich‬ turned down an offer to be “most powerful VP in history.” So was @HillaryClinton reaching across the aisle?

So wait, if ‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ wrote speech what about lie Melania told about writing it herself. ‪#‎IOYIYR‬ ‪#‎IOKIYT‬ (It’s OK if you’re Republican, or Trump.)

 

‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ to take blame. Will Trump fire her? Not for plagiarizing but for saying for saying Melania always admired ‪#‎MichelleObama‬

Donald Trump “Good news is Melania’s speech got more publicity than any in the history of politics especially if you believe that all press is good press!”
So how is the Donald going to start his speech Thursday? “Four score and seven years ago, all we had to fear was fear itself, but I have a HUGE dream that it’s time for Americans to ask what they can do for their country….”

 

After watching ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ a lot of people are thinking by comparison that ‪#‎OscarsNotSoWhite‬

So, okay, I think I’ve got this straight: The GOP wants Loretta Lynch to be disqualified as U.S. Attorney General for prejudice after her meeting with Bill Clinton. But it’s okay for Chris Christie to have the role after saying Hillary should be locked up. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

N.H. GOP state rep and Trump advisor Al Baldasaro said Hillary Clinton “should be put in the firing line and shot for treason.” Uh, speaking of treason, doesn’t threatening a potential President fall into that category?

 

So @realDonaldTrump says ‪#‎TedCruz‬ didn’t “honor his pledge” And who should be more expert on not honoring pledges than man married 3 times.

Not that I quote Caitlyn Jenner almost ever, but on the bathroom issue, she noted that former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, former Mississippi Rep. Jon Hinson & former Florida state Rep. Bob Allen had all been arrested for “lewd behavior” in men’s restrooms,
“Maybe what we should do is ban Republican representatives at a state level from being in the men’s room.

A Florida girl not chosen to be a cheerleader has threatened to sue if she isn’t named to the high school team. ‪#‎ifonlyshewerearmed‬

 

Apparently many Twitter users were incensed that Megyn Kelly was wearing a spaghetti strap form-fitting top today to cover the RNC for Fox. Probably all Republicans. Democratic women would support Megyn’s right to dress as she pleases, and men would think the incident deserves a longer investigation.

How often does @HillaryClinton applaud ‪#‎TedCruz‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

Did ‪#‎Trump‬ give ‪#‎TedCruz‬ an ‪#‎RNC‬ speaking slot because Cruz’s dad still might know some of those assassins? ‪#‎Fearfactor‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

‎MikePence‬, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.” Just like it says in the U.S. Constitution…. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎WTF‬?

Running jokes?

July 19, 2016

Many in the California delegation at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ have gotten norovirus. Talk about a sh*tty convention.

 

With many in California delegation felled by norovirus at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ good thing they have TP.

 

If norovirus spreads throughout ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ guessing delegates will decide which gender sign is on NEAREST bathroom will not be a priority.

Many in GOP loved ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬‘s ‪#‎RNC‬ speech. African-Americans just sigh “Another white woman getting credit for a black woman’s work”

Trump campaign on ‪#‎MalaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎speechgate‬ “When Hillary Clinton is threatened by a female, the first thing she does is try to destroy the person.” So “Blame Hillary.”
Congrats to all those who had “Tuesday morning in the pool.

Paul Manafort, Trump’s new campaign manager “These were common words and values. To think that she would be cribbing Michelle Obama’s words is crazy.”
Uh, does Manafort think the American public is crazy?

Question of the convention for Thursday night now, WWDP – “Who Will Donald plagiarize?” ‪#‎MakeAmericaDuplicateAgain‬.

Trump seems obsessed with the idea of ‪#‎CrookedHillary‬..  Maybe Freud was right about projection. ‪#‎CrookedDonald‬ ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬?

So why did ‪#‎KimberlinBrown‬ speak tonight? Was she turned down by ‪#‎DWTS‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

The founder of “American Muslims for Trump” delivered tonight’s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ benediction. Founder and only member?

Traffic over the Hudson is a “nightmare” after a construction crane on the Tappan Zee Bridge collapsed this morning. Hoping this wasn’t caused by a Chris Christie jumping up and down tantrum over not being named Trump’s running mate.

Chris Christie defending Melania Trump’s speech, said that 93%  of it was original.  So open note to students. Try this excuse next time you’re about to be tossed out of a class or flunked for plagiarism. I’m sure the teacher or professor will understand. ‪#‎SMH‬

That’s it, next year the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ need to cancel ‪#‎AllStar‬ break for all players.  Simulated games every day to keep fresh.

 

Who’d a thunk seven years ago that would be a lot more relevant on the than ?

Clayton Kershaw apparently felt discomfort in his back after simulated start this weekend, and his return is uncertain. SFGiants fans wish him the best, maybe a relaxing vacation on a beach until sometime in November.

This spring in talking before a small group of advisors, George W. Bush allegedly worried that he “would be the last Republican president.”
And somewhere Dick Cheney just giggled.

 

The NY Daily News is reporting that Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and others are considering walking out if Roger Ailes leaves the network. Promise?

What was real point of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s scripted ‪#‎RNC‬ convention tonight, that he chose ex-wives who at least did good job of raising his children?

Donald Trump’s campaign will not fire anyone over ‪#‎Melaniasspeech‬. Translation, maybe Donald wrote it for her. ‪#‎speechgate‬

RIP Garry Marshall, 81, who created “Happy Days”” and directed “Pretty Woman.” Let’s hope it wasn’t the reviews from “Mother’s Day ” that killed him.

Trump goes after Bill over women when the Donald has had multiple affairs and marriages, he goes after Hillary for being crooked when he has had many of his own shady deals, and now it turns out after going after Biden for plagiarism, his wife Melania helps herself to Michelle’s speech.
Since Trump also seems obsessed with attacking Elizabeth Warren maybe time to check his family’s past resumes for requests for affirmation action?

So here’s what I don’t get. Nothing against Melania who presumably didn’t figure on a presidential campaign in her “for better or worse” vows. Still how easy to come up with a semi-apology, saying either that she must have read Michelle’s speech or that was part of her speech where she had help, whatever. …
And then Melania could have added something gracious like “We have very different ideas about how this country should be run, but we both want the best for our children and for our country’s future.” .But would that have been too reasonable for today’s GOP?

Missed calls?

July 18, 2016

 

MLB’s Joe Torre sent a memo to managers and GMs telling them to stop arguing balls and strikes “This highly inappropriate conduct is detrimental to the game and must stop immediately.”
Uh, Joe, what about the “highly inappropriate conduct” of so many missed calls?

Alphonse Taylor, Alabama’s starting right guard and a pre-season All-SEC pick was arrested for alleged DUI Sunday am. Well, no doubt Nick Saban will suspend him for at least a quarter of the season-opener, which is against…. USC.
Never mind, I am sure Saban will take care of matters internally.

Two Florida teens were playing “Pokemon Go” in a car outside a house at 130am when the homeowner, hearing a noise, fired several shots at them. The kids were uninjured but found several bullet holes in the car in the morning. So what’s next for players, Pokeguns? ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

So when Scotland leaves after Brexit will it no longer be the British Open? ‪#‎TheOpen‬

Although, seriously on a lighter note has there ever been a more riveting sports competition between two men over 40?  #Hoorayforoldfarts

 

More sad news this morning, this time out of ‪#‎BatonRouge‬ . Seriously this ‪#‎goodguywithagun‬ idea is not working in the US.

Trump today – “How many law enforcement and people have to die because of a lack of leadership in our country? We demand law and order.”
So if the Donald gets elected he’s just going to demand people stop shooting each other? If only there wasn’t that pesky 2nd amendment.

The president of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen’s Association wants Gov. Kasich to temporarily suspend “open carry” for the sake of security during the RNC convention.
So where is Trump’s reply telling the police how much safer they will be with all those “good guys with guns?”

Actor Antonio Sabàto Jr.will apparently now speak at the ‪#‎RNCConvention‬ for Trump. Even ‪#‎DWTS‬ is going, “who?”

 

So Mike Pence in a joint “60 Minutes” appearance with Donald Trump spent much of his time trying to explain the Donald’s positions in a more measured way. So will Pence be known as “The Trump Whisperer?”

 

 

 

Under pressure?

July 15, 2016

 

ESPN reports that the Yankees, at 44-44, are 38 losses away from their first under .500 season since 1992.
(No punchline, just with all the crap going on in the world I felt like sharing it.  And after tonight, 37.)

Roger Goodell “I think all of us have evolved a little bit on the gambling. To me, where I cross the line is anything that can impact that integrity of the game.” “Integrity of the game?!” And Goodell said it with a straight face.

Our long national nightmare is over: Tom Brady has announced he will “no longer proceed with the legal process,” and serve his four-game Deflategate suspension.

GOP‬ ‪#‎TrumpPence‬ ticket has ‪#‎TP‬ logo. If some creative ‪#‎Dem‬ isn’t selling bathroom tissue by Monday, will be very disappointed in America

New slogan for @HillaryClinton – “Clinton 2016, because TP will just take America down the toilet.”

Will ‪#‎MikePence‬ support right of Indiana businesses not to display that tightly interwoven TP logo on religious freedom grounds? ‪#‎TrumpPence‬

With Mick Jagger having another child at the age of 72, how long before some company comes up with a combo pack of father-baby diapers?

There has been an attempted military coup going on in Turkey and apparently at the moment “it is unclear who is in charge.”
Well, the same can often be said of Washington, D.C.

 

This is not a good weekend for Europe. But have to wonder, just how upset is Donald Trump that events have overtaken his VP selection for headline news?

 

Looking at the Emmy nominations makes me feel old- I remember when network shows actually got nominated.

So now we have this new summer “Black Friday” and all these announced sales? For what reason, because somehow Americans don’t have enough stuff? ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Newt Gingrich, in a last ditch attempt to overtake Mike Pence on the crazy train to be Trump’s running mate: We should “test every person here who is of a Muslim background, and if they believe in Sharia, they should be deported,”
Of course, those who are anti-minority, anti-gay and/or anti-women for “Western” reasons, well, not only should they not be deported but heaven forbid we stop them being armed.

 

 

Jeb Bush, in an op-ed today in the Washington Post said some in the GOP were “making us seem anti-immigrant, anti-woman, anti-science, anti-gay, anti-worker and anti-common-sense.”
SEEM????!


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