Posted tagged ‘MLB playoff jokes’

Really wild cards.

October 4, 2017

8-4, and 11-8.  Three of the four wild card teams scored more in their games than the Cleveland Browns will probably score on Sunday.

 

Who does Archie Bradley think he is? Madison Bumgarner? But seriously, who needs a DH?  #NL  #Pitcherswhorake

Although apparently the Rockies didn’t get the memo from SF Giants.  When it matters, NEVER EVER PITCH TO GOLDSCHMIDT.

British tennis player Dan Evans received a 1 year suspension after testing positive for cocaine. What was authorities first clue, when Evans jumped the net to congratulate an opponent, and cleared it by 20 feet?

49ers are having issues with Levi’s Stadium over curfew issues with weeknight concerts. Unfortunately for residents who don’t like noise, at concerts, unlike 49ers games, fans stay until the end.

 

Mansplaining award to Cam Newton, who thought it was  funny when a female reporter asked about receiver routes.  Considering Newton’s less than stellar stats this year maybe HE’s the one who should be paying attention to studying routes.

 

DT Anthony Zettel has most Detroit Lions sacks in 2017. Think I speak for many women sports fans in saying hope he gets more on Sunday. #CamNewton

ATF says Las Vegas shooter bought 33 guns in the last year. And I have to leave the country to buy one package of aspirin with codeine.

So would @realDonaldTrump like to name ONE reported news story that was negative towards him since his inaugural that wasn’t #FakeNews?

 

Never expected to wake up in a world where the big question of morning is whether or not the US Secretary of State called POTUS a “moron.”

But turns out  apparently NBC News WAS #FakeNews. Reports are now that Tillerson did not call Trump a moron, he called him a “f*cking moron.”

Got it, if shooter were Muslim would have been “Radical Islamic Terrorism, if black “radical left” . Because it was a white guy. Trump said his “wires are screwed up.”

All 5 living ex-US presidents to attend Texas benefit concert for hurricane relief. Wonder how much money they could raise in an auction  if the winning bidders got to hear them talk off-the-record about Trump?

In 1980, the MGM hotel in Las Vegas caught fire & killed 85 people. After that, hotels started requiring sprinklers and smoke alarms. It was the smoke alarms, triggered by all the gunshots, (not a “miracle”) that allowed police to finally find the Las Vegas killer Sunday night and storm his room.
Ah for the days when innocent people died and we as a country actually learned from their deaths and changed laws.

 

Regarding all the “prayers for Las Vegas.” Look, I have no problem with prayer and those who look to God at a time like this.
But okay, we have metal detectors and airport security and a lot of other things set up in society to keep us safe – “God helps those who help themselves” Why is it so hard for some to accept the idea of sensible gun regulations as helping us help ourselves?

Closing doors?

October 2, 2014

Not surprisingly Secret Service director Julia Pierson has resigned. What is surprising, based on her performance in front of Congress, is how Pierson ever got the job in the first place.

The Washington Post is deriding Julia Pierson for allegedly saying last summer that the Secret Service needs “to be more like Disney World.” Except that no one could actually sneak in without a ticket at Disney World.

Jets owner Woody Johnson said he still thinks that Geno Smith “can be a franchise quarterback, I really do.” Of course, the franchise Johnson is talking about might be in the Canadian or Arena Football Leagues.

 

Ben Affleck was willing to do a nude scene for “Gone Girl” but said he told the director “But I will not wear a Yankees hat. I just can’t…” The man has his priorities straight.

A’s GM Billy Beane said that “if we don’t have Jon Lester, I don’t think we make the playoffs.” Well, sort of. If Oakland still had Cespedes they might not have needed to PLAY the one-game playoff.

Weird playoff trivia. Before the 2nd Wild Card was added in 2012, only four teams in each league made the postseason. If two teams tied for the best runner-up record, they would play a single play-in game. Had that system been in effect this year, the two tied NL teams would have been – the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ and ‪#‎Pirates‬.

 

JPMorgan Chase said hackers broke into their system and got information from over 80 million customers – names, addresses, phone numbers and email addresses, as well as “internal information relating to such users.” But the bank claims birthdates, account numbers and Social Security numbers were not compromised. And why should we doubt them? ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Crooks are stupid, British award winner for the week:   In Manchester, a man was caught breaking into a car in front of people training to become bouncers. Despite signs advertising the security classes. (Seven of the trainees caught and handcuffed him.)

Supposedly in the interests of safety, an Arkansas woman has declared the gun range she owns a “Muslim Free Zone.” Let’s see, the number of people who have been killed at gun ranges by Muslims this year is one less than the number killed by little girls.

 

In Louisiana, two high school English teachers were arrested after a student bragged about having a threesome with them. Parents were appalled, some fathers mostly appalled that there weren’t teachers like that in THEIR high school.

 

Texas congressman Louie Gohmert has been complaining that the 3,000 troops President Obama is sending to West Africa to fight Ebola will return infected and spread the disease at home. So presume Gohmert will now be one of the first to call for a quarantine of Texas.

Still a longshot. But if both ‪#‎Dodgers‬ and ‪#‎SFGiants‬ advance expect to see the ‪#‎MadBum‬ ‪#‎Puig‬ confrontation on TV ads a few hundred times.

 

Finally, all this frenzy over a possible epidemic in the U.S. And yes, there IS a contagious disease that will kill thousands of people this year including children. It’s called influenza. Forget Ebola for a while. Get your flu shot.

BYO Posts.

October 8, 2012

On days like Sunday  – four MLB playoff games and a full slate of NFL games,  plus college football recaps and a new AP poll… Facebook becomes like a giant sports bar with fans across the country.

 

GREAT Tigers-As game. How great that all of America got to see these two under-the-radar teams. Oh, wait, never mind, the game was on MLB Network, so they didn’t. Thanks for nothing, Bud Selig.

 

NY Giants WR Victor Cruz has made a new campaign video supporting President Obama.  Uh, is this a good idea on the same weekend the Giants soundly beat a team from the swing state of Ohio?

 

 

I fully expect to wake up tomorrow morning and see the SF Giants’ offense pictured on a milk carton.

At one point my friend Lindol pointed out that the Giants’ best chance would be for Dusty Baker to take Bronson Arroyo out and hand him the game ball.

 

At least the Giants’ Guillermo Mota is proving to the world without a doubt that he is no longer using Performance Enhancing Drugs.

Meanwhile, for gloating Los Angeles fans looking ahead to next year,  Matt Kemp’s surgery did not go as well as expected and the Dodgers star may not be ready at the start of  the 2013 season. “Bummer,” said SF Giants fans, with all the sincerity of a politician a month before the election.

 

3 of 4 top teams in AP poll are now from SEC. Setting things up perfectly for Alabama to play the winner of South Carolina-Florida in the conference championship, and again in the national title game.

Another variation on the first grouchy thought:  SF Giants looked flatter than armadillos on Texas highways.

 

Very nice day for Stanford in the big leagues – first Andrew Luck, now Drew Storen gets the save for the Nationals! Go Cardinal!

 

Baltimore-New York had a long rain delay Sunday.   Maybe even God is p*ssed about all this schedule juggling for the Yankees 🙂

 

 

Jim Tracy resigned as Colorado Rockies manager today, leaving his $1.4 million salary on the table.  Putting an exclamation point on the phrase  “You can’t pay me enough to deal with this  crap.”

 

 

 

In an interview discussing her $10 million reality tv wedding,  Kim Kardashian stated  “But the next time, I want to do it on an island with just my friends and family and that’s it.”   Well, except for a few select network and other media folks.

 

And on a serious sports note,  congratulations to Drew Brees for breaking Johnny Unitas’s record with 48 straight games with a touchdown pass.    Yes, it’s a different game, and Unitas called his own plays and the rules favor the offense now.

 

On the other hand, the media is a different game too, 24/7 and Brees has been one of the relatively few NFL superstars to conduct his life in a way where he still has a seriously class act reputation.

Baseball’s second season.

October 1, 2011

After 162 games, the MLB playoffs finally started Friday for the eight teams who survived into the postseason. “Eight teams left?”, commented NBA and NHL fans. “So aren’t we in the second or third round by now.”

Apparently the weather was nice all day Friday in New York, but started pouring about 915p. Had the first Tigers-Yankees playoff game only been scheduled for a reasonable 715p instead of 845p for television, they could have gotten most of the game in before the storm hit.

Open note to SF Giants’ GM Brian Sabean and manager Bruce Bochy about playing all those “playoff experienced veterans” down the stretch. The Tampa Bay Rays’ Matt Moore made his second major league start EVER Friday, and his third total appearance.

And yeah, it’s early days yet. But someone apparently forgot to tell the Tampa Bay Rays they have no business being in the postseason.

Someone had to take the fall for the Red Sox, and it looks like it’s Terry Francona. Well, Grady Little lost his job for leaving Pedro Martinez in too long. Francona apparently left his whole starting lineup and rotation in too long.

As the MLB playoffs began Friday, many Tampa Bay Rays fans are still kicking themselves that they turned off the Wednesday’s last regular season game after the 7th inning. And many Boston Red Sox fans are kicking themselves that they didn’t.

Manny Ramirez was formally charged with domestic violence stemming from an arrest in September when he allegedly slapped his wife in the face. In Manny’s defense he is claiming it was “just that time of month.”

A hiker collapsed and died just before completing the Appalachian Trail. “What a shame it wasn’t my ex-husband when he was ‘hiking'”, thought Jenny Sanford.

Herman Cain was on “the Tonight Show with Jay Leno” Friday. A few quotes, Rick Perry is a “good governor”, Newt Gingrich is “brilliant” and Michele Bachmann is “very nice.” And Mitt Romney – “nice hair.” So much for Cain’s chances of getting Donald Trump’s endorsement.

Florida legislators ignored GOP rules and confirmed that they will hold the state’s presidential primary on Jan. 31, 2012. Well, Florida doesn’t have a record of smart political behavior. Rumor has it some legislators were pushing for Feb 31.

Bank of America just announced a $5 monthy debit card fee. And now their homepage and online banking service experienced serious problems all day Friday. Millions of Americans wonder if hackers were involved, and if so, how they can thank them.

Hard feelings? Just a little. Former Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen was fired last year just before the Terrapins’ bowl game. And Friday, Friedgen, who is a also Maryland alum, told a Baltimore radio station that he has burned his degree.

Responded more than a few SEC athletic directors “What’s a degree?”