Posted tagged ‘Jets jokes’

Distractions.

February 17, 2017

Pittsburgh police are allegedly considering multiple felony charges against Jets CB Darrelle Revis for his role in a “street altercation early Monday morning.”
Is this a shameless attempt to get the Knicks out of the NY headlines?

Barry Zito’s first album has now made the Billboard Country Music chart, debuting at #39.  39. What are the odds?  The same number as the speed of Zito’s fastball.

Any chance we can take a page from the @NBA and start instituting technical fouls for Presidents?

Tonight at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport a Frontier Airlines and Southwest flight clipped wings. No injuries, although both planes were evacuated. But presumably Southwest requested the video for a “wanna get away” commercial.

Delta is planning to add free meals back to long-haul flights within the US in coach class. Of course, any $20 or so increase in domestic fares would be purely a coincidence.

The #Thimble token has been voted out of the Monopoly game. And millennials are going “What’s a Thimble?”

The FBI arrested a avowed South Carolina white supremacist who was trying to buy a gun from an undercover agent. The man said he wanted to carry out an attack “in the spirit of Dylan Roof.”
But hey, he’s white. So no terrorism problem. Move along, nothing to see here.

As #Trump finds new media targets. remember old saying “If 1 person calls you an ass, ignore them, if 10 call you an ass, buy a saddle.”

Trump says his administration is running “like a fine-tuned machine.” Uh, more like a Rube Goldberg machine . #TrumpNewsConference

So was goal of #TrumpNewsConference to make @SNL give up because they can’t come up with satire stranger than reality?

#TrumpPressConference on Melania “She gets so unfairly maligned…” Guessing he hasn’t seen #FreeMelania movement?

Trump – “We’re gonna find the leakers. They’re going to pay a big price for leaking.” But the stuff they were leaking, on Russia, etc – Move along, nothing to see here.

Ret Vice Adm Bob Harward turned down Trump offer for National Security Advisor. CNN says he told friend it was “a “s*** sandwich,” #myhero

JudicialWatch estimated Obama’s travel expenses totaled $97 mill in 2 terms. Taking April 1 in pool for date Trump eclipses that.

A just released nearly 400 page FBI file details an investigation on Trump and his father Fred allegedly “not wanting to rent to blacks” in the 1970s. So this couldn’t have been announced in October along with Weiner’s emails?

April Ryan, a longtime White House reporter and Washington bureau chief for American Urban Radio Networks, is African American. She asked Trump today if he planned to include the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) “in your conversations with your urban agenda, your inner-city agenda.”
He responded by asking if they were “friends of yours,” &, “I tell you what, do you want to set up the meeting?”

So if John Boehner was still around would Trump ask him to set up a meeting with the Orange Caucus? #TrumpPressConference

Monday night musings

December 5, 2016

LeBron James and some of his teammates have found alternate accommodations next week in Manhattan rather than stay at the Trump Soho in rooms booked by the team.
Standby for anti-Cavs tweets from our President Elect in 3.2.1….

Not only should he make the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Adam Vinatieri making strong push for AARP Hall of Fame.

As rough as tonight was for #Jets fans, good news is on the horizon. Next week New York plays the #49ers

Seeing tickets for many of these lesser bowl games going for well under cost and less than regular season games for many teams, can’t help but wonder, since it’s all about the $$$$, why not turn them into a playoff system? Can’t really be the idea that athletes need to go to class….

Justin Bieber said he will go on his first American stadium tour in August, with stops in Pasadena, Foxboro, Minneapolis, Denver, and the Meadowlands. Haven’t blue states suffered enough?,

Narendra Modi won the TIME Person of the Year Poll. Forget the controversy, millions of Americans are going “Who?

A woman went into labor and gave birth on a 3p Southwest flight from Philadelphia to Orlando. The plane diverted at 430p to Charleston to drop off the parents and baby at a local hospital, then continued to Orlando to arrive only an hour late.
Men are thinking “only an hour late, impressive.” Women are thinking. “labor and delivery under an hour and a half , REALLY impressive.”

Donald Trump “If the press would cover me accurately & honorably, I would have far less reason to “tweet.” Sadly, I don’t know if that will ever happen!”
Well ,yeah, the evil press keeps reporting every thing Trump says #howdarethey?.

Trying to imagine reaction had Hillary Clinton won election & made it clear Chelsea & Marc Mezvinsky were going to be her top White House advisors?

Police have dangerous job; I sympathize. But what did video need to show for Michael T. Slager to be convicted of murder of #WalterScott ?

Safeway is touting a program to “end hunger” by asking customers to donate this Holiday season. At the same time the Los Altos Safeway has 1-2 of 10 checkouts manned by a human, and about 8 “self-checkout” lanes. Wonder how many people in need of donations this year had jobs as cashiers last year?

Now Trump has picked #BenCarson as Secretary of HUD, despite Carson’s lack of experience. Did Trump figure “Well, it’s not brain surgery?”

So with Ben Carson as HUD Secretary will we solve some inner-city problems by building housing in pyramids that double as food storage facilities?

Some high school student asked San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich if his team is going to win it all this year.

here.

(courtesy Darren Rovell on Twitter.)  And some wonder why I root for the Spurs.

When all else fails, RTDT – read the damn thing.

September 22, 2015

Mike Huckabee’s latest complaint – “there are people who vote and they have no idea what our Constitution says.”
With all due respect, Mr. Huckabee, there are people who run for office and they have no idea what our Constitution says.” ‪#‎nottheOnion‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Got to love it, ESPN figures the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ have 0.1% probability of making the post season this year. “So you are saying there’s a chance?”

The #NYJets are 2-0. If their hot start continues with Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB do they vote former Jet IK Enemkpali a playoff share? (for those who might have forgotten, or who didn’t care, Enemkpali, now with the Bills, is the guy who broke his then quarterback/ teammate, Geno Smith’s jaw with a punch.)
An Auburn football fan called into an Alabama sports talk show and said she won’t let her husband into the bedroom until the Tigers win.. Men whose wives and girlfriends root for the Philadelphia Eagles hope those women don’t see this.

The NY Post is reporting on a woman who not only fasts on Yom Kippur, she also makes her two dogs fast too. It works out fine, except that every year they need to buy another cat.

Some say Marco Rubio might benefit from Scott Walker’s exiting the 2016 Presidential race. Is that because for those paying only casual attention the two look sort of alike?

Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli, who said he was raising the price for AIDS drug Daraprim from $13.50 a pill to $750, now says public backlash will mean he will lower the price. What, to $749?

The Lammily line of dolls now offers a ‘Period Party’ Accessory Pac,” which includes pads, underwear and a period calendar.. The idea is to help girls understand that menstruation is a normal part of of growing up.
Can only imagine what a similar line of dolls for boys might include.

The CEO of Japanese company Rakuten has changed his executive offsite retreat to climbing Mount Tanigawa every year, a Japanese mountain that has claimed over 800 lives since it was first explored in the 1930s, about 600 more than Everest.
Well, that’s one way to avoid soaring pension costs.

Carly Fiorina, facing many accusations of completely making up her worst allegations about the Planned Parenthood video, said she was told “that the tapes don’t exist, that the images aren’t real. Well yes, ladies and gentlemen, they are real and I will issue my charge again.”
You would think that someone who bases a large part of her campaign on the purported dishonesty of Hillary Clinton would consider doing the simple thing – and just release these “real” tapes.

Kim Davis says she is ready to return to jail over her beliefs. Forget jail, when is the next Rowan County election? So we can replace Davis with someone who actually wants to do her job. ‪#‎your15minutesareup‬

Liberal rant time. Some in the GOP are accusing those of us who don’t want the country run by biblical rules of being anti-religion. Nope, it’s actually quite simple: Doesn’t matter what religion you are, just don’t foist your beliefs on the entire country.

Not working

September 7, 2015

Labor Day brings another threatened government shutdown. So on a day we honor work, we get another reminder from Congress that they don’t.

A “TipsforJesus” group gave a Utah waitress a $3,000 tip on a $505 bill.  Thinking Jesus would approve a lot more of this sort of thing than protesting other people’s happiness in His name.

R.I.P. Judy Carne. One of the very best comics I grew up watching. It’s definitely “Sock-it-to-me” time tonight in heaven.

Best Laugh-in Judy Carne skit from my memory as a twisted youth. The show had a constant war with censors. One episode had someone offscreen throwing a ball (don’t remember exact details), let’s say a basketball at her.Then a little later, someone throwing a football at her, then a soccer ball, then a baseball,. And finally after the last time she says to the camera “That’s the fifth time I’ve been balled on this show this week.”
Censors missed it, show got fined. A lot of pre-teens were delighted. ‪#‎thosewerethedays‬

Just saw a trailer for “Suffragette” So now we know the the answer to the question. “For what film this year will Meryl Streep be nominated for an Oscar?

Dentist Walter Palmer has emerged from hiding, “If I had known (Cecil) had a name and was important to the country or a study, obviously I wouldn’t have taken it.” And he denied Cecil was dying for 40 hours and was shot to death, saying he tracked the lion “the next day” and killed him with an arrow. So that’s all right then? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎douchebag‬

The Cleveland Browns have suspended offense line coach Andy Moeller for his role in an “unspecified incident.” Who does Moeller think he is? A player?

A fire has been extinguished in the engine room aboard the Carnival Cruise Line Liberty while it was docked in St. Thomas. No injuries but passengers will not be allowed back on board until tonight. Stand by for the CNN miniseries.

QB Geno Smith says he won’t file charges against ex-Jets teammate IK Enemkpali for breakjoNing his jaw. Maybe because in a trial the world would find out what Smith did to provoke the punch?

About 40 people were reportedly injured when a Qatar flight hit turbulence about an hour outside of Manila. So sounds like it’s not just Americans who zone out on the flight attendant request to “when seated keep your seat belt fastened at all times.”

In Quebec, Canada, doctors can now give prescriptions to patients that are direct instructions on physical activity. In related news, Big Pharma has announced plans to patent exercise.

Laudable goals.

August 14, 2015

John Kerry, at a ceremony raising the U.S. flag in Havana. “We remain convinced the people of Cuba would be best served by a genuine democracy,” Great, and if it works out in Cuba, maybe we can aim for that in the USA?

Central New Jersey was hit by a 2.7 earthquake this morning. It would, of course, be uncharitable to suggest the quake was caused by Governor Chris Christie rushing to a campaign event.

Sources are apparently telling the media that Geno Smith was taunting his now ex-teammate before Enemkpali punched him. “I am shocked,” said no one who follows the Jets. ‪#‎samecircusdifferentmonkeys‬

Marcus Mariota had an interception and fumble in his first two drives in the NFL pre-season. Is he angling to get traded to the Jets?

Summer in New York, when many, including the media, have left the city for at least the weekend. So if Trump speaks and there is no one around to hear him, is he still wrong?

A dad is in jail after taking his 16-year old daughter and her 17-year-old friend to a strip club, where apparently they drank, snorted coke and pole-danced. Do I even need to say this happened in Florida?

Florida State is implementing a mandatory course in social responsibilities for the school’s student-athletes. Next, will the school figure out how to make attendance any more mandatory than for other student-athlete courses?

Boston Red Sox manager John Farrell announced today will take a medical leave because he has Hodgkin’s lymphoma, but that it is “very treatable and curable.” Unlike the play of his team.

(seriously, all best wishes to Farrell. Fortunately they do appear to have caught the cancer at stage 1.)

Hillary Clinton has a plan to make college more affordable. Not surprisingly the GOP is against it. Why, the plan might result in more people being able to read.

At Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio, a man was killed by a roller coaster after he lost his cellphone on the ride and jumped a fence into a restricted area to retrieve it. New warning signs coming “Don’t text and ride.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎butyoucanburystupid‬

(and the thing that solidifies this guy’s Darwin award, he was a teacher.)

A gun store and shooting range in a small Oklahoma town has started advertising themselves as “Muslim-free.” Well, makes some sense because we all remember the worst terrorist in Oklahoma history was a Muslim…. Oh wait, never mind.

#‎Apple‬ is reportedly working on a self-driving car. As long as it doesn’t use Apple maps.

Donald Trump will report for jury duty next week. But the Donald will probably be dismissed when he claims he is the sole caretaker for that fuzzy thing who lives on his head.

High crimes and misdemeanors?

August 11, 2015

Scientists have found possible marijuana residue in William Shakespeare’s pipes. So maybe what the playwright meant to write was “Doobie or not doobie?”

You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up: Geno Smith will be out 10 weeks with a broken jaw after he was punched by a NY Jets teammate?! ‪#‎thecircushascometotown‬

Ah nostalgia. Remember the days when NY Jets fans were worried that Tim Tebow was going to be their biggest quarterback distraction?

Happiest people over the Jets’ releasing Ikemefuna Enemkpali for breaking Geno Smith’s jaw? New York copy editors who no longer have to spell Ikemefuna Enemkpali

Could have been worse ‪#‎49ers‬ fans, at least ‪#‎AldonSmith‬ didn’t punch ‪#‎ColinKaepernick‬ on his way out.

Bus to hell time. SF Chronicle headline “Homicide eyed in mysterious San Francisco dismembered body case.” Well, sure doesn’t seem likely it was suicide.

Eagles fans have started a petition for the Pope to bless Sam Bradford’s knees when he visits Philadelphia this September. Because asking for a miracle cure for the Phillies is above even a Papal pay grade?

The DOT says that passengers have filed 20% more complaints against U.S. airlines in 2015. The numbers might be higher if travelers were able to access the internet while they are in their seats stuck on the tarmac.

Give Donald Trump credit for one huge achievement. He made a blonde woman from Fox one of the most respected news people in the country.

A young Trump supporter in Texas referred to the Donald as “the Kanye West of politics.” More like “the Kimye of politics”.  With Trump you get both Kanye’s ego along with a big ass.

A mother was arrested for allegedly leaving her kids in car while she drank in a bar. Now police say she had her son, 4, blow into the breathalyzer to start the car. Thinking enough to be that creative but not thinking enough to call a babysitter and a cab? Even by Florida standards this is impressive. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

The DOT says that passengers have filed 20% more complaints against U.S. airlines in 2015. The numbers might be higher if travelers were able to access the internet while they are in their seats stuck on the tarmac.

11pm on a weeknight. Time to switch to Comedy Cellar for my Jon Stewart fix…… ‪#‎sayitaintso‬

Missed it by how much?

April 8, 2015

The NCAA’s supervisor of officials said none of them saw the CBS video feed on the controversial out-of-bounds call at the end of the national championship game. But today Dan Gavitt, the NCAA’s VP told ESPN that officials DID see it. Ah, well this ought to reassure all the Duke conspiracy theorists….

 

The Boston Celtics are making a late push for the #8 seed in the Eastern Conference. Isn’t that the NBA equivalent of making it to the March Madness play-in game?

The mayor of Hillsboro, Mo, population 2,800, died March 9, but was re-elected yesterday. Well, maybe the voters figured, it’s been a month, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

 

 

New York Knicks owner James Dolan just said in an interview “You got to believe, baby! I believe, I believe!” And even Cubs fans are saying “Are you bleeping nuts?”

Someone is selling a New Orleans Saints Super Bowl ring on Craigslist. Maybe one of the Jets should buy it, might be their best chance at getting a ring.

Mitt Romney who had Duke over Wisconsin in the NCAA championship, tweeted “Should have put $10,000 on my bracket. Congrats, Coach K and @DukeU,” Prompting an immediate call for Romney to reconsider entering the 2016 race, from Pete Rose.

I understand the American way of justice, and it’s mostly a good thing. Still seems somehow odd to spend millions of dollars saving a critically injured man’s life, and then millions of dollars to try him, and then probably now millions of dollars over appeals to a death penalty conviction. ‪#‎BostonMarathonExplosion‬

A new book about the White House says that during a fight after the Monica Lewinsky affair came to light, Hillary Clinton called Bill a “g*ddamn b*stard” and that she had him sleep on a couch for a few months. Some say the revelations could hurt Hillary’s candidacy. Thinking it might make a lot of women like her better.

 

Aqib Talib, a CB for the Denver Broncos, who had charges dropped after an alleged gun incident in 2011, is apparently being investigated again for allegedly firing a gun into the air during a fight at a Dallas nightclub. So clearly the Aaron Hernandez trial is serving as a cautionary lesson to other NFL players. ‪#‎facepalm‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Pitcher Chris Heston missed his Opening Day start for the Sacramento River Cats. Bummer.  ‪#‎SFGiants‬

(and the way his start went, he may never have that start.)

The media is reporting that last year Barry Manilow married his manager and apparently  long time partner. Garry Kief.  I am shocked, said absolutely positively nobody.

 

A scary thought about that South Carolina case. If the person with the cellphone video saw what really happened, what about that officer’s partner?

As Rand Paul is getting unfavorable coverage for lecturing journalists, especially female journalists, on how to do their jobs, #”‪#‎Randsplaining‬ is trending on Twitter. Well, it’s a good thing for Paul that if he stays in the Presidential race he won’t have to be dealing with this sort of thing in future. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixarrogant‬ either.

Send in the clowns.

March 12, 2015

The Houston Texans just traded QB Ryan Fitzpatrick to the NY Jets. Not sure how Fitzpatrick feels about the deal. But isn’t it many little boys’ dream to grow up and join the circus?

The construction of a large telescope on Mauna Kea in Hawaii has been temporaily been delayed by a blizzard warning, which is forecast to drop 5-8 inches of snow on the mountain. 5-8 inches?! In Boston they are just weeping.

The Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, which started Monday, had to move 600 miles north due to a lack of snow. Hmm, maybe they should have just moved it to Boston.

The Korean Air flight attendant who was attacked over how she served macadamia nuts has now retained two American law firms to sue the airline, claiming her career was ruined. Sounds like nut rage is contagious.

The KC Royals minor league affiliate Wilmington (Delaware) BlueRocks now have a Krispy Kreme Donut Dog available for sale at their games. Featuring a hot dog, bacon and raspberry jelly sandwiched in a donut. Wilmington is only an hour drive from Trenton. Is this a shameless attempt by the BlueRocks to get N.J. Gov Chris Christie to attend a game?

The crew on “Morning Joe” said today that rappers and rap music could be to blame for Sigma Alpha Epsilon’s racist chant, because that’s where the frat brothers probably learned the n-word. So how long until this is Obama’s fault?

 

There are allegations that two senior Secret Service agents were out partying last week in Washington D.C. last week, and crashed their government car into the White House security barricades. Well, at least they didn’t have the car full of prostitutes.

 

So if this letter to Iran continues to be a PR nightmare will the 47 GOP senators involved blame Democrats for requiring them to learn how to write and sign their names in school?

From Alex Kaseberg ““2015 has started off as a wild year. Two llamas escape, nobody can agree on the colors of a dress, and Harrison Ford has hit more fairways than Tiger Woods.”

It’s snow joke.

January 27, 2015

Once again, NJ & NY see proof why most meteorologists are men: They always overestimate inches. ‪#‎Snowmageddon2015‬

 

Well, at least this over-hyped storm had one silver lining for New Yorkers: It cancelled the Knicks game.

And actually Juno did hit New England hard.  But So the “Blizzard of the 2015” didn’t turn out to be quite as big a deal in New York and New Jersey as forecasters expected.  Will they rename it “Geno?”

(or “Johnny Storm?”)

As the measles outbreak spreads, have to wonder, if there was a vaccine for Ebola, how many Americans would refuse to use it?

 

Wonder how many NFL people are longing for the days when the only balls in the bathroom controversy had to do with openly gay players.

If you go by $$ per minute, Marshawn Lynch’s 4 minutes and 51 seconds on Super Bowl media day might have been one of the best paid interviews of all time. “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.”  Because he probably saved fines of at least $250,000.

Former NY Giants defensive coordinator Perry Fewell, interviewed to be the 49ers defensive backs coach. But he turned SF down and took the same position with Washington. How toxic an owner do you have to be to make Dan Snyder look good?

Bus to hell time.  A Nashville jury has convicted two ex-Vanderbilt football players of raping a former student inside a dorm room. Wonder if both men now wish they’d gone to Florida State?

Sometimes all technology does is give people more power to embrace their idiocy. A 22 yr-old Texas man is in jail after he posted on FB, “So I have 16 warrants right now. Lol they know where I’m at tho, so it must not be TOO bad.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

New England CB Brandon Browner told ESPN “I’m going to tell my teammates to go hit (Sherman’s) elbow, go hit (Thomas’s) shoulder. Try to break it if you can.” But the NFL is okay with the comments, because Browner didn’t put it in terms of a bounty?

from T.C. “When Elin heard that Tom Brady was possibly cheating, she immediately sent Gisele that famous 9 iron.”

James Caan has filed for divorce from his wife for the third time in ten years. “Dude, make up your mind”, said Brett Favre.

Michelle Obama did not wear a headscarf Tuesday in Saudi Arabia, where local women must cover their heads. Over at FOX News heads must have exploded as they were all no doubt ready to complain that she didn’t show respect for Muslim customs….

Shaking and baking.

January 11, 2015

In 2011, stomping Seattle Seahawks’ fans caused vibrations that were picked up by an earthquake sensor. So this weekend, scientists placed monitors at Century Link Field to test new earthquake alert technology.. They would have done the same thing at Lambeau Field had they known Chris Christie would be in the owners box.

NY Jets RB Chris Johnson was arrested last night in Orlando and charged with open carry of a firearm. This may not be what the Jets had in mind for having higher caliber players in the offseason.

 

So George Zimmerman’s latest arrest was allegedly for throwing a wine bottle at his girlfriend. Shocking. With wine involved, I would have expected a box.

A new study indicates fish oil “really can help boost our memory.” Okay, so why do “catch and release” fishermen keep catching the same fish?

The NY Knicks have now lost 15 in a row. At this point the team would be underdogs against the Washington Generals.

 

Lebron James “helped facilitate” a gift of Beats by Dre headphones to all Ohio State players before Monday’s college football championship. But the school says the headphones were “donated” and not a violation of NCAA rules. And some former Buckeyes are thinking “he couldn’t have ‘helped facilitate” those tattoos?

Apparently Oregon’s Darren Carrington failed his drug test BEFORE the Rose Bowl, but the test results didn’t come back until this week. Gosh. If the lab had been quicker FSU might have only lost by 30.

Although, let’s see, marijuana…?  With the Ducks’ speed have to wonder if the Buckeyes have petitioned the NCAA to let the entire Oregon team have a medical marijuana exemption before the game.

 

One thing we learned during the Patriots-Ravens game  – so the refs CAN call a penalty for leaving the sideline to run onto the field. And that giant howl you may have heard came from all ‪#‎Lions‬ fans & ‪#‎Cowboys‬ haters. ‪#‎BALvsNE‬

 

Going blue

December 29, 2014

Many SF 49ers fans were disappointed with this season, and now they won’t have Jim Harbaugh to kick around anymore. So soon the team can go back to the halcyon days of Mike Singletary and Mike Nolan.

Statement from the SF 49ers: “Jim and I have come to the conclusion that it is in our mutual best interest to move in different directions.” Well, it sounds better than “conscious uncoupling.”

There will be a lot of changes for Jim Harbaugh as he returns to the coaching ranks. For starters, at Michigan he’s going to have to figure out something warmer  (and blue-er) than his regular long-sleeved black shirt.

More than 100 people gathered in Times Square today for the eighth annual Good Riddance Day. Where attendees used a shredder and mallet to get rid of bad memories. Wonder how many showed up with NY Giants and Jets stuff?

Apparently a contributing factor, if not the reason, for Josh Gordon’s suspension, was a party Johnny Manziel threw Friday night. (Gordon was then AWOL for the team’s Saturday walk-through.) Who says Johnny Football isn’t a leader already?

 

Cleveland owner Jimmy Haslam said some of the Browns’ young players have “disrespected” the team. “We’re going to work with them — hopefully they grow up. But if they can’t grow up and they can’t be responsible to the their teammates and the coaches and our great fans, then they won’t be with the Cleveland Browns.” So anyone want to take the first guess in the “Johnny Manziel trade date” pool?

This weekend police were called and arrests were made over fights in food courts at three separate malls, Arden Fair in Sacramento, Chicago Ridge Mall in Illinois and Opry Mills in Nashville. So what the heck are those food courts serving?

How up-to-date is Al-Qaeda? Their most recent magazine, released last week, called for individual jihadists to bomb Western carriers. Including United Airlines, American, Delta, and Continental.

 

Headline on Foxnews.com “Attention: Dish has blocked Fox News. Switch TV providers now. ” Hmm…. So how long until Dish starts using that headline as an ad on Msnbc.com and Huffington Post etc?

No real surprise at this point, Jeb Bush leads a new GOP presidential poll with 23%. Christie is second at 13% and Ben Carson has 7%. I think I speak for many Americans when I say about Carson – “Who?”

 

So the NFL is running their ad “Domestic violence and sexual assault are  tough for everyone to talk about” in game with Ben Rothlisberger leading Steelers into playoffs ‪#‎irony‬

From T.C.  “I just hacked into Sony Pictures computers and found a movie to be released on Monday. It’s about NFL coaching brothers Rex and Rob called “Saving Ryan’s Privates”.

Bowling along.

December 28, 2014

When it comes to sports, in many ways hate has it all over love. Because the teams you love can suck, but there’s still always plenty of opportunity to root against the teams you hate.  (especially during Bowl season.)

As of very late Saturday night on the West Coast,  an AirAsia jet is missing on its way from Surabaya, Indonesia to Singapore, and an Italian ferry with over 400 people on board is on fire in the Adriatic sea. Potential tragedies in both cases, but for CNN, this is hitting the daily double.

 

Michigan governor Rick Snyder has signed a “suspicion-based” drug testing bill for welfare recipients. Hmm, can we expand this to elected officials and candidates? Because some of them sure act like they’re on drugs.

Chicago’s Starlin Castro was questioned by Dominican Republic police in connection with a shooting at a nightclub this morning, after the Cubs shortstop was questioned earlier this month for ANOTHER nightclub shooting. Who does Castro think he is, an NFL player?

The NFL fined Marshawn Lynch $11,500 for an obscene gesture during last Sunday’s game. Wonder how much they’ll fine the ‪#‎NYJets‬ for their obscene performance all season?

Anyone but me thinking that ‪#‎Marchmadness‬ pools are going to be rather forgone conclusions this year? ‪#‎raceforsecond‬ ‪#‎Kentucky‬

Jim Harbaugh is expected to sign on as the coach at Michigan. So time to start two pools. 1. How long until the Wolverines win a Rose Bowl? 2. What percentage of Harbaugh’s contract will he last in Ann Arbor?

So now we are likely to have Jim Harbaugh at Michigan vs. Urban Meyer at OSU Stand by for ‪#‎Whatsyourdeal‬ – the sequel.

A new study found that marijuana use has increased in Colorado. Did the survey also find that water is wet?

According to ESPN Rex Ryan “expects to be” fired by the Jets. Shouldn’t the correct verb be “hopes to be?”

The Browns suspended WR Josh Gordon for Sunday’s season finale. Thereby increasing the odds that no one outside of Cleveland will be able to name a single active player on the team.

 

Johnny Manziel, who is on IR, had to either be present for the Browns’ workout Saturday or be getting treatment. But he was AWOL. And later in the day, Cleveland gave the QB his first fine. So congrats to all who had Dec 27 in the pool.

North Korea, angry over “The Interview,” now referred to President Obama. Is the country trying to curry favor with Fox News?

 

What matters most.

December 8, 2014

The Browns may start Johnny Manziel at QB Sunday over Brian Hoyer against Cincinnati. Makes some sense. If Cleveland can’t make the playoffs, they’ll be at least more likely to make ESPN headlines.

 

 

William and Kate are on their first visit to New York City. Wonder if the Prince at some point has leaned over to his wife and whispered “Thank God this all isn’t our problem anymore.”

Damn. Apparently a security guard was shot and seriously wounded during an post-game argument between 49ers and Raiders fans outside a San Jose bar. Well, it’s a good thing for public safety neither team’s fans will have anything to argue about during the playoffs.

 

Well, all he did was basically show you can win a World Series with one starting pitcher.  Even if he didn’t get a hit himself.  Congrats Madison Bumgarner, Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year.

 

At time of posting, reportedly Jon Lester is deciding between offers from the Chicago Cubs and the SF Giants. Wonder if the Giants would do something dastardly, like sending Lester videos of games when the wind is blowing out at Wrigley Field?

 

34 years ago tonight was really the day “the music died”, as John Lennon was fatally shot in New York. Harder to believe for many of us, people who were born after Lennon’s murder, are old enough to have children who know the Beatles music. ‪#‎Timeswingedchariot‬

After Oakland’s upset 23-14 win over SF, Raiders LB Sio Moore took to Instagram to refer to Colin Kaepernick as a “Freakin chump.” Not a huge Kap fan, but maybe Moore should be a little more restrained with his trash talking, considering his team is still 2-11.

Not that I’m generally a soccer fan, but congratulations to the LA Galaxy on winning the MLS Cup. Guess having Robbie Rogers, who is openly gay, on the team, didn’t hurt the locker room too much.

 

A massive fire in a residential complex under construction basically shut down the 101 and 110 in Los Angeles  Monday morning. So for commuters on those freeways it was basically a Monday commute as usual.

Ralph Baer,,92, who invented the world’s first video game console, has died. In his honor, mourners at his funeral will spend the entire service playing on their smartphones.

Baylor coach Art Briles is complaining about no Big 12 team in the College Football Playoff. And five power conferences, four playoff teams was always going to be a problem. But just maybe the Bears might want to up their non-conference schedule from Buffalo, SMU and Northwestern State. (The NY Jets might be available.)

Turkey time

November 26, 2014

This afternoon, most media outlets covered President Obama’s executive order pardoning two turkeys. So where’s the coverage of Ted Cruz’s opposing filibuster?

Although Britain doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, stores and websites across the pond have started offering “Black Friday” sales. Good to know that the U.S.A. is exporting our traditional values around the world.

So far, while hundreds of flights were cancelled, air travel was not as awful as expected with the today’s east coast storm. Making many travelers happy, while seriously disappointing others who were all ready to try not to giggle while telling relatives “sorry, just can’t make it this year.”

Hmm, Stanford coach David Shaw thinks his team is “still an attractive team to a bowl”, because “fans have traveled to the last four bowl games.” True enough, but those were big BCS bowls. Wonder how many alums have the Cactus Bowl on their holiday wish list.

A British man on a way to his honeymoon in Cuba got drunk enough on the plane that he first fought with his bride, then threatened the flight crew. So the flight landed in Bermuda, he was arrested, and his wife and the rest of the plane went on without him. Well, that’s getting the “for worse” out of the way in a hurry..

Musical QB chairs time. The Jets are moving back to starting Geno Smith this Sunday. It’s all part of a complicated process for NY to aim for the #1 draft pick?

A new billboard in Denver warns parents to keep marijuana candy and alcohol away from kids. Cool But can they add guns to the list?

 

If the NFL REALLY wanted to give Americans a Thanksgiving turkey, wouldn’t the league have figured out a way to have a team from the NFL South play Thursday?

Saints and Falcons tied for NFC South lead at 4 and 7. Could be first NFL division champion this year who wouldn’t be NCAA bowl eligible.

Now there are rumors that RGIII is done as the Redskins’ QB. If true, how long until Washington gets a trade offer from the Jets?

 

A man whose backpack was stolen Sunday night in Berkeley discovered his credit card was being used to order a pizza a few hours later. He called the cops, the cops called the pizza place, delivered the pizza, arrested three men, and recovered the stolen property. ‪#‎crooksreallyarestupid‬

From Alex Kaseberg:   “A woman in the crowd before last weekend’s Tennessee football  game wept when Tim Tebow presented her with a piece of cake. Unfortunately for her, the cake was then intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

Just win, baby?

November 21, 2014

Scary thing,  if a couple conceived a child celebrating the  Oakland Raiders’ last win, that baby would be 3 months old now.

Derek Carr praising Jesus and God after the Oakland Raiders’ win tonight. And God is thinking “Ah, you’re now 1 and 10. Don’t blame anything about this season on me.”

Jesus on the other hand, might be comparing tonight to his work with Lazarus.

Mike Nichols, 82, director of “The Graduate,” has died. Will his coffin be made of “Plastics”?

 

Stanford QB Kevin Hogan, who will graduate in June, but could stay for Master’s degree, says he is considering foregoing his final year of eligibility to enter the NFL draft. And Cardinal fans are thinking, “ah, you could get that graduate degree anytime…”

The NFL moved the Jets vs. Bills game from Buffalo this weekend, and postponed it to Monday in Detroit. The Meadowlands in East Rutherford might have been available after the Giants game Sunday. But local fans are probably thinking “Thank goodness they didn’t foist that crappy match-up on us.”

The Buffalo Bills were offering $10 an hour and free tickets to their Sunday game against the Jets for fans willing to shovel snow. New York fans were hoping that show could be shoveled on to the Jets?

 

In Buffalo, Mario Williams apparently used a snow plow to help dig retired QB Jim Kelly out of the snowstorm. If the storm moves down to New York City, hope Geno Smith is well stocked with emergency supplies.

Country star Ty Herndon singer has come out of the closet, or the barn as the case may be. Good for him. But really, most country songs work fine for gay or straight relationships. Just change the pronoun of who did you wrong.

A list made by an Australian man on why he ended a relationship with his girlfriend has gone viral. One reason he listed was that she was rude to his cat. Millions of women are now trying to find his number.

Britain is about to lift their ban on women in combat, prompting a warning from retired army colonel Richard Kemp, that this would put lives in danger because women lack “the killer instinct.” Clearly this is a man who has never ventured into the first day of a major pre or post Christmas sale.

Barry Manilow is having a “ONE LAST TIME!” Tour. And many Americans, especially men, are thinking “Promise?”

Ted Cruz criticized President Obama’s executive order on immigration by adapting “The words of Cicero — powerfully relevant 2,077 years later,” Uh, did Cruz really want to reference a man most of his supporters have never heard of and think must have lived with dinosaurs?

There’s a petition to cancel the TLC reality show “19 Kids and Counting”, because of the Duggars’ anti-LGBT stance, and Michelle’s referring to transgenders as “child predators.” Of course, there’s another way that doesn’t interfere with their rights for free speech, however ignorant it may be. – “Just don’t watch.”

At least 10 people have died in the massive winter storm that has blanked Buffalo. We can tell the midterm elections are over though, the GOP is not blaming it on Obama.

Do the math,

November 14, 2014

Why there is no satire, NBA division. Kobe Bryant on the Spurs. “I don’t know if I can express to you how jealous I am of the fact that Tim, Tony Manu and Pop have been together for all those years”. Bryant’s salary for 2014 – $23 million. Duncan $10 million, Parker $12 million.

‪#‎iwoulddoanythingforlovebutiwontdothat‬

Prince WIlliam and Kate are coming to the U.S. for a three day visit December. Some Americans don’t see all the fuss over a couple people who just happen to be part of a Royal family. Wonder if the dignitaries meeting their Highnesses will include Bill and Hillary Clinton, and both former President Bushes?

The Department of Energy loan guarantee program, famous for the Solyndra default, has actually started turning a PROFIT on its $34.2 billion in loans, as some companies are becoming successful and paying money back. So where’s all the GOP blame for Obama?

The 0-8 Philadelphia 76ers,, who just lost by 53 to the Dallas Maverickst, are making a strong bid to become the worst NBA team ever. Sadly, even if they run the table, this team probably couldn’t even win the draft lottery.

 

Dick Vitale, 75, said “My goal is to be the first broadcaster in the history of broadcasting to work at a game when I’m 100 years old.” And somewhere Vin Scully just giggled.

The NBA has released pictures of this year’s Christmas uniforms, which will feature team logos on the front, first names of players on the back, and will be sold by Adidas for $110. Except presumably for the Lakers jerseys, which will cost twice as much and break down after a few wearings.

 

 

The NFL fined NY Jets coach Rex Ryan $100,000 for profanity after his team beat the Steelers. Well, if winning generates that kind of outburst at least Rex won’t be out of pocket too much the rest of this season.

There’s going to be a musical based on the reality show “Duck Dynasty.” “The Duck Commander Family Musical” will open in Las Vegas next February. Just the thing for those straight male rednecks who have been waiting for THEIR Broadway show. Both of them.

And have to wonder, will the Robertson’s put a “morality” clause on sexual orientation for actors…?  If so, hope they’re planning on a one or two man show.

 

 

Former Chicago Mayor Jane Byrne has passed away. She leaves quite a legacy – the first woman mayor of the city, and one of the few Illinois leaders never to have been arrested.

Starting to get emails and banner ads about “The 117th Big Game between Stanford and Cal” on November 22.” Of course, the time isn’t set yet. Because nothing says how important a rivalry game is like a “TBA” on the schedule for television. Sigh.

An Alabama high school teacher has been arrested and charged with three sexual incidents with students in six months. Think she took being a physically education teacher a bit too seriously?

 

 

 

From Alex Kaseberg  “Chicago Bear receiver, Brandon Marshall, upset by a remark made about his mother, challenged one of his twitter followers $25,000 to fight him. Bears QB Jay Cutler threw out the same challenge, but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.”

May the night light be with you.

November 7, 2014

Star Wars VII now has a title “The Force Awakens.” And given the age of many in the cast, presume the subtitle is “Every Few Hours in the Middle of the Night to Pee.”

 

Madison Bumgarner just won the “Silver Slugger” award for being the best offensive player at his position. But the SF Giants lefty didn’t get a hit in the postseason, including the World Series. What a disappointment.

San Diego shortstop Everth Cabrera was stopped for allegedly driving under the influence of marijuana, and ultimately charged with resisting arrest. Of course, being a Padre, if he pulled the “Do you know who I am?” card, the answer might have honestly been. “No.”

A-Rod reportedly admitted to using PEDS during a meeting with the DEA earlier this year. Yep, baseball normalcy has returned: The World Series is over and the Yankees are back in the headlines.

The first NFL 2015 “International Series” game at Wembley will be the Miami Dolphins vs. the NY Jets. And Jets fans are thinking, “Can London just keep them?”

John Boehner said that executive actions by Obama on immigration would “poison the well” for legislation. As opposed to that great bipartisan effort Congress has made with the President so far?

A court today upheld gay marriage bans in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky and Tennessee. So in those last two states, men can still marry their sisters, just not their brothers?

On Fox News, Condoleezza Rice criticized Democratic campaign ads aimed at African Americans in the South that featured Ferguson and the death of Michael Brown. She said she found the fear mongering “appalling” and “insulting.” Uh, okay Condi, but what about fear mongering in GOP ads aimed at whites about crime and immigration featuring minorities?

 

Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said of freshman Jahlil Okafor “We won’t have him long. We’ll have him this year and then he’ll be one of the top [NBA] picks.” In other words, Okafor’s second semester professors might as well forget about getting those papers turned in.

Wonder if Okafor will stick around long enough to learn to spell “Krzyewski?”

 

 

Let the fun begin. Sources told ESPN that Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome testified under oath Thursday that he heard Ray Rice in June tell Roger Goodell that he hit Janay in a casino hotel elevator.  So let’s see, does the NFL commissioner claims amnesia or a concussion.

 

 

Jennifer Aniston apparently goes without makeup in her new film “Cake,” and called it “dreamy and empowering and liberating.”    And yes, imagine what a shocking change  it must have been – relying only on her personal assistants, trainer and esthetician.

Lebron James is apparently “concerned” about the Cavaliers 1-3 start. Did he think it would be easy for the team to improve enough to be knocked off by the Spurs in the NBA finals?

Horsing around.

November 3, 2014

horse

 

As reported by the the SF Chronicle, apparently before the Giants World Series Parade the SF Police were chatting with Madison Bumgarner and along with all the congrats someone said “If there is anything we can do for you.” Madbum’s response, “Anything? Can I ride one of y’alls horses in the parade? After some discussion and risk assessment, the answer was something, well,  not exactly DURING the parade.”

 

 

Meanwhile, the #‎SF49ers‬ clearly needed ‪#‎MadBum‬

Small silver lining for ‪#‎49ers‬ fans? At least ‪#‎Kaepernick‬ ‘s last play wasn’t a butt fumble.

Saddest thing for ‪#‎NYJets‬ fans about a sad season? That win against the ‪#‎Raiders‬ may have cost them #1 draft pick.  Either that, or watching Mark Sanchez win in Philly?

Washington coach Jay Gruden blasted an ESPN report today that said RG III has teammates who seem to disrespect him, saying it was “amateurish.” Well, if anyone should know about amateurish, it’s the coach of the Redskins.

Silver lining with Stanford’s underwhelming football season. Players, coaches and fans get to celebrate New Year’s Eve at home.

So one might think Oregon’s rout of Stanford might propel the Ducks into the top four for a projected BCS playoff spot. Nope, they’re still behind idle Alabama. ‪#‎nopac12respect‬

Clocks turned back last night. Meaning hard-core ‪#‎Lakers‬ fans had another hour to not sleep.

Breaking news, a Kenyan has won the New York City Marathon” Wouldn’t it be more news if a Kenyan DIDN’T win the New York City Marathon?

Not the Onion. A Tucson pastor was woken up by police at 2am because a member of his congregation said she thought she had Ebola and her pastor had returned from Africa in September. He had been to Zambia, which is further from West Africa than San Francisco is from Washington, D.C. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Yet another example of why Trader Joe’s leaves other grocery stores in the dust. Saw a package of “Iced Cranberry Orange Scone Cookies” near the checkout. Told the cashier, those sound good. She said, “They are, want to try one?” Opened a box, gave me one, and offered them to anyone in the area. Sold about five boxes of cookies on the spot.

 

 

Maybe there was too much hype for the ‪#‎DENvsNE‬ game? Peyton Manning might have thought he was back in the ‪#‎SuperBowl‬?

 

 

A new poll shows Charlie Crist 7 points ahead of Gov. Rick Scott in Florida. Wow. Might have to retire half my Florida jokes.

 

From Jerry Perisho:  Asked if she was going to the polls on Tuesday, Kim Kardashian said, “No, but I’m opening a new store in Warsaw, next spring.”

What’s in a name?

October 28, 2014

American Airlines cancelled a Los Angeles to London flight Sunday and passengers were kept onboard for hours when someone on board picked up a wi-fi hot sport named “Al-Quida Free Terror Nettwork.” Police said today that “no crime was committed.” Shouldn’t someone be charged with felony stupidity?

 

 

So as we approach game six of the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬, it makes so much sense that home field advantage was decided by a midsummer exhibition game where the only Royals and Giants involved were Salvador Perez and Hunter Pence, with one AB each, and Greg Holland who pitched one inning.

Oops, country singer Aaron Lewis, who as Deadspin noted criticized Christina Aguilera’s version of the Star Spangled Banner (“I don’t understand how people that sing the national anthem can be so f— self-obsessed that they would try to change that f— song.”), forgot the words last night at A T& T Park, singing the second line as “What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming.”

And apologies to my Dodgers fan friends for this. But it was too funny to resist.

mound

“Bachelor” Juan Pablo and his girlfriend Nikki have broken up. “I’m shocked,” said none of the three people who cared.

 

A recent CNN poll found that 53% disapprove of President Obama’s performance. Which puts him well ahead of Congress, which has an 85% disapproval rating.

Some think Chris Christie’s tough guy style might be just what America needs against the Russians etc. But as of today it’s Nurse 1, Governor 0.

The Crimson Tide Foundation, Alabama boosters, paid off Nick Saban’s $3.1 million home last year and are paying property taxes each year. Of course if the NONPROFIT foundation bought dinner for some players the kids would be suspended.

 

University of Florida coach Will Muschamp complained today. “Well, you’ve got to get home and explain to your 9-year-old why they’re chanting to fire your dad.” So guess Muschamp’s 9-year-old doesn’t watch the games?

 

 

NY Jets GM John Idzik said in rambling press conference he is not concerned about his job security. That’s it. Forget the team’s record, that statement alone says that Idzik is too dumb to be GM.

Meanwhile, add Colt McCoy to a long list of QBs who appear to be better than Geno Smith.

 

 

 

#‎Cowboys‬ release ‪#‎MichaelSam‬ and promptly lose to ‪#‎Washington‬? Maybe God isn’t that upset with gays in the locker room? ‪#‎Rainbowkarma‬

 

Who says ‪#‎Dodgers‬ & ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans can’t get along?. I think we all were thrilled tonight to see the ‪#‎Cowboys‬ lose.

 

So if we’re quarantining threats to the public, when can we start quarantining firearms owners who haven’t taken classes in gun safety?

 

 

So you think your parents messed you up. An unidentified person posted an Instagram photo this weekend of a small child wearing a Ray Rice costume and dragging a doll. The caption “Greatest costume ever.” The picture has been taken down.

Madbummed.

October 27, 2014

The Reverend Hunter Pence, giving the field his pre-game blessing before World Series Game 5.

 

 

pence

What was all this MVP chant late in game 5?  Madison Bumgarner did go 0-4 tonight at the plate  And he was not happy about it.

And at one point tonight there was a nice play by Brandon Belt when Bumgarner forgot to cover first. Wonder if Madbum, a rancher in the off season,  will offer Belt a cow as a thank you. ‪#‎SFGiants‬. ‪#‎WorldSeries‬

 

As a child fell seriously in love with baseball as ‪#‎Detroit‬ Tigers fan in 1968. So good to see ‪#‎MADBUM‬ channel ‪#‎mickeylolich‬ ‪#‎WorldSeries‬

 

Personally retired the “Automatic Out” nickname for ‪#‎juanperez‬ after the ‪#‎NLDS‬. That nickname is now permanently retired. ‪#‎Sfgiants‬ ‪#‎worldseries‬

 

 

Country singer Aaron Lewis forgot the words to the National Anthem tonight at A T& T Park, singing the second line as , “What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming.”   Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports nailed this one. “For someone who has DON’T TREAD ON ME tattooed on his neck, Aaron Lewis might want to learn his national anthem before he tries it again.”

Chicago DE Lamarr Houston injured himself celebrating a sack of New England’s backup QB in the 4th quarter of the Patriots’ rout of the Bears Sometimes the universe itself provides the best penalty for excessive celebration.

The NFL has announced there will be 5 games in London next year. But NY Jets fans are asking if London will take all their remaining home games THIS year.

 

Michigan players put a spear into the field at Spartan Stadium before their 35-11 loss to MSU. Seems like the Wolverines might be better served by learning how to put the ball into the end zone.

Breaking news, ‪#‎NYJets‬ fans ask Gov. Cuomo and Gov. Christie if they can quarantine ‪#‎GenoSmith‬

Jeb Bush’s son said today now it’s “more than likely” that his father will run for president in 2016. God Bless America. Thank goodness we don’t live in a banana republic where power is only in the hands of a few families.

 

Meanwhile, the New Orleans Saints staked their claim to be the best 3-4 team in the NFL, beating Green Bay 43-22.    Though apparently both defenses took the night off –  there were no punts by either team,  the third time that’s happened in NFL history

 

And now for a little sad perspective on the fact that it is after all just a game. St. Louis star rookie Oscar Taveras, dead in a car accident.  Only 22 years old.   He hit a game tying home run against the Giants in an NLCS game that the Cardinals ended up winning. His only postseason home run as it turned out.   He and Juan Perez were good friends. Nice story here from Newsday.

http://www.newsday.com/sports/columnists/david-lennon/oscar-taveras-death-lessens-joy-of-world-series-1.9549640