Posted tagged ‘blizzard jokes’

Get out the violins

January 3, 2018

Nick Saban complaining that teams only get 7 days between #CFBPlayoffsemifinals to championship. If it’s a problem Scott Frost could probably get undefeated #UCF to Atlanta in time.

 

AP story on #RoseParade talked about spectators “camping on sidewalks and braving overnight temperatures in low 40s.”. East coast response ” STFU”

Blizzard caused a major crash today involving about 75 vehicles, shut down highway near Buffalo. Maybe someone shouldn’t have said hell would freeze over before Bills made playoffs.

Carson Palmer says he is retiring from the NFL. “The first time’s the hardest” responded Brett Favre.

 

While Trump touts HIS record in avoiding commercial airline fatalities, HIS FAA considers dropping minimum flight hours for commercial pilots’ licenses from 1500 to, depending on background, between 500-1000 hours…. But hey, who needs regulations anyway?

Don’t get me wrong, Mitt Romney will be an upgrade over Orrin Hatch. But I am somehow missing all the pundits saying he should stay home and knit instead.

10 Americans killed in small plane crash in Costa Rica on trip booked by US tour company. And Trump takes opportunity, not for “thoughts and prayers” but to tout his magic with planes flying in US?

That moment when you realize fate of world may hinge on Kim Jong Un being the mature sane one.

I miss the days when you googled “paranoid delusional President” and you came up with Nixon.

Remember how relieved millions were when @realDonaldTrump got John Kelly as adult supervision in the White House?

Learned about “sundowning” when mom had dementia, learned to dread her phone calls then. But those calls were less scary than @realDonaldTrump sundown tweets.

If someone spills #DietCoke over a #NuclearButton does it make the button as nonfunctional as a wet smartphone or laptop? Asking for a country.

If you threaten to shoot people on Twitter pretty sure it’s a violation of terms of service. So shouldn’t same apply to threatening nuclear war? @jack @realDonaldTrump

Rumors that Trump has threatened to cancel his visit to Britain this year if Obama attends Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Wedding.

And millions of Brits are begging Harry to invite Barack, Michelle and the whole family.

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It’s snow joke.

January 27, 2015

Once again, NJ & NY see proof why most meteorologists are men: They always overestimate inches. ‪#‎Snowmageddon2015‬

 

Well, at least this over-hyped storm had one silver lining for New Yorkers: It cancelled the Knicks game.

And actually Juno did hit New England hard.  But So the “Blizzard of the 2015” didn’t turn out to be quite as big a deal in New York and New Jersey as forecasters expected.  Will they rename it “Geno?”

(or “Johnny Storm?”)

As the measles outbreak spreads, have to wonder, if there was a vaccine for Ebola, how many Americans would refuse to use it?

 

Wonder how many NFL people are longing for the days when the only balls in the bathroom controversy had to do with openly gay players.

If you go by $$ per minute, Marshawn Lynch’s 4 minutes and 51 seconds on Super Bowl media day might have been one of the best paid interviews of all time. “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.”  Because he probably saved fines of at least $250,000.

Former NY Giants defensive coordinator Perry Fewell, interviewed to be the 49ers defensive backs coach. But he turned SF down and took the same position with Washington. How toxic an owner do you have to be to make Dan Snyder look good?

Bus to hell time.  A Nashville jury has convicted two ex-Vanderbilt football players of raping a former student inside a dorm room. Wonder if both men now wish they’d gone to Florida State?

Sometimes all technology does is give people more power to embrace their idiocy. A 22 yr-old Texas man is in jail after he posted on FB, “So I have 16 warrants right now. Lol they know where I’m at tho, so it must not be TOO bad.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

New England CB Brandon Browner told ESPN “I’m going to tell my teammates to go hit (Sherman’s) elbow, go hit (Thomas’s) shoulder. Try to break it if you can.” But the NFL is okay with the comments, because Browner didn’t put it in terms of a bounty?

from T.C. “When Elin heard that Tom Brady was possibly cheating, she immediately sent Gisele that famous 9 iron.”

James Caan has filed for divorce from his wife for the third time in ten years. “Dude, make up your mind”, said Brett Favre.

Michelle Obama did not wear a headscarf Tuesday in Saudi Arabia, where local women must cover their heads. Over at FOX News heads must have exploded as they were all no doubt ready to complain that she didn’t show respect for Muslim customs….

High crimes, misdemeanors, and annoyances…

February 10, 2010

Apologies for this post being late today…put it down to gremlins.

Embattled New York Governor David Paterson is denying rumors of improper behavior and said “the only way” he’d be “leaving office was in a box.” And Jenny Sanford said, “Why didn’t I think of that?”


So as far as I can tell, most Facebook users were perfectly content with the format the way it was, but some executives decided to change it. What happened, did Facebook hire a bunch of guys from the NBC programming department?


Facebook users are getting increasing frustrated with the confusing changes. As my friend Bill Schmarzo put it, “I’d gotten so used to talking with my friends on Facebook, now I have to go back to old fashioned communication, like email.”

Kate Gosselin (of Jon and Kate plus Eight) has a book coming out in April. The perfect gift for those who find Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue” too intellectual.


Pat Robertson is so sure that natural disasters are some kind of divine retribution. So isn’t it about time he blames record breaking snow in DC on Congress not being able to pass health care reform?

Our nation’s capital has been effectively shut down for four days, and a new winter storm may continue that paralysis into next weekend. Guess this means in future maybe we should be on the lookout for terrorists with snow making machines?


Washington really is a city that can’t handle snow. Several days after the first storm hit, most roads in DC had not been plowed, and only one runway at Dulles airport is open. Although to be fair, this was a big one; to clean up a storm like this in Chicago would have taken at least several hours.