Posted tagged ‘Washington DC jokes’

There’s no business like snow business….

February 11, 2010

Actually the few SUV taxis in the D.C. area are making a fortune. Apparently rates are about $200 to get from downtown to Dulles airport…

Some conservative preachers and pundits like to say that natural disasters are God’s punishment for some sort of misbehavior. Think three feet of snow in Washington D.C. might be a sign that Congress should have passed healthcare reform?

According to an article to be published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, experts say the more bored you are, the more likely you are to die early. If this were really true, most teenagers wouldn’t survive high school. is having a contest to be “Coach of the Day” for the New Jersey Nets. The winner will get a number of prizes, including tickets, dinner, and assisting coaches with pre-game drills, but the company stresses it is an honorary coaching title only. Come on, the Nets are 4 and 48. How much worse could an amateur be?

So the first prize is being coach of the Nets a day? Second prize presumably is being coach of the Nets for the rest of the season?

Rough season for the UNC men’s basketball team. They fell to 2-7 in the ACC with a loss to Duke, and will probably miss the NCAA tournament for the first time in recent memory. On the brighter side, the Tarheels would still probably be favored in a game against the New Jersey Nets.

While Washington D.C. has had significant snowfall, midwest residents know the real problem has been the lack of snow removal equipment. But to be fair, this was a big storm. It probably would have shut down Chicago for at least several hours.

Just how many snow days have they had in Washington DC this year? Put it this way, before school is out this summer, the Washington Nationals may be eliminated from the playoffs.

A Toyota executive said that U.S.dealers were repairing 50,000 cars a day and that the gas pedal fix would “last a lifetime.” Does this really need a punchline?

This could be the warmest winter Olympics ever. Think maybe the IOC is reconsidering their decision not to offer a spot to the Jamaican bobsled team?

John Mayer apologized for a Playboy interview where he insulted both his ex-girlfriends Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston, and also used the “N” word. He said he had to stop being “so raw” in interviews. No, John, how about trying to stop being “so stupid” in interviews?

Two men used the same word to describe liberal groups. But Sarah Palin called for Rahl Emanuel’s firing while defending Rush Limbaugh’s use of the term because it was “satire.” So Stephen Colbert announced that since HIS show was satire, that it was fair to call Palin a “f–king retard.” Is this a great country or what?


High crimes, misdemeanors, and annoyances…

February 10, 2010

Apologies for this post being late today…put it down to gremlins.

Embattled New York Governor David Paterson is denying rumors of improper behavior and said “the only way” he’d be “leaving office was in a box.” And Jenny Sanford said, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

So as far as I can tell, most Facebook users were perfectly content with the format the way it was, but some executives decided to change it. What happened, did Facebook hire a bunch of guys from the NBC programming department?

Facebook users are getting increasing frustrated with the confusing changes. As my friend Bill Schmarzo put it, “I’d gotten so used to talking with my friends on Facebook, now I have to go back to old fashioned communication, like email.”

Kate Gosselin (of Jon and Kate plus Eight) has a book coming out in April. The perfect gift for those who find Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue” too intellectual.

Pat Robertson is so sure that natural disasters are some kind of divine retribution. So isn’t it about time he blames record breaking snow in DC on Congress not being able to pass health care reform?

Our nation’s capital has been effectively shut down for four days, and a new winter storm may continue that paralysis into next weekend. Guess this means in future maybe we should be on the lookout for terrorists with snow making machines?

Washington really is a city that can’t handle snow. Several days after the first storm hit, most roads in DC had not been plowed, and only one runway at Dulles airport is open. Although to be fair, this was a big one; to clean up a storm like this in Chicago would have taken at least several hours.