Posted tagged ‘Nets jokes’

One small step…

February 24, 2014

 

It’s a big step that it now looks like we will have two openly gay male athletes play major US professional sports this year. The next big step – when we get to the point that such events aren’t even news.

Jason Collins signed with the Nets and played tonight against the Lakers at Staples.   If Brooklyn judges his play to be good enough, Jason should get a chance to be the first openly gay NBA player to play against a professional NBA team.

 

So let’s start with the POSITIVES of having a gay player on your team. I’m sure my creative friends can make this a good list. 1. He might be the only teammate you can trust not to hit on your wife/girlfriend.

 

So a supporter of Arizona’s bill allowing businesses to discriminate based on religious beliefs brought up the idea of a supermarket bakery worker not wanting to make a wedding cake for a gay couple. Leaving aside Jon Stewart’s brilliant question “What gay wedding has a supermarket cake?” why then should that worker not be able to ask if the bride and groom have had premarital relations? Or previously divorced? Etc. Because that could go against their religious beliefs too.

CNN is going to end Piers Morgans’ show. “What a shame” said both of his viewers.

Canada won men’s hockey gold in a game that started at 7am Toronto time. Does the city have someone chaperoning Rob Ford?

I think a requirement for any American who professes to be upset by Canada’s hockey wins should be to name at least try NHL players. Current ones.

The USA women’s hockey collapse against Canada was embarrassing. But in the long run suppose less embarrassing than being shut out for the last two games….

 

Sigh. Shows like Downton Abbey have their season flash by in an instant and stuff like “Keeping up with the Kardashians” apparently never ends? #qualitynotquantity

The Daytona 500 was delayed several hours due to heavy rain. Sounds like Mother Nature is saying “Don’t gloat about this winter so fast, Florida.”

 

13 car crash on lap 146 of 200 Daytona. For millions of Americans, finally a reason to watch the race highlights on Sportscenter.

Half expected when the race was over to have Fox interrupt with historic breaking news of the second Daytona 500 winner in a single day.

(during the rain delay, they showed the 2013 race on Fox. Someone at Fox News thought it was for 2014.  And announced the winner again accordingly.)

Non-US carriers are different. ANA made a apologetic announcement today at the airport that boarding would be delayed due to cabin preparation. By FIVE minutes. And the guy sounded really sorry.

Zack Greinke, on the Dodgers and Dbacks opening the MLB season in Australia “I would say there is absolutely zero excitement for it. There just isn’t any excitement to it. I can’t think of one reason to be excited for it.” I am thinking the league will quickly remind him of million$ of rea$on$ to be excited by it.

 

Justin Bieber, unhappy about the “Loser gets Bieber” billboard about the US vs. Canada hockey, tweeted. “I guess I’m an easy target for some. I’m still human. I will continue to meet hate with love. It’s all about the music. Much love” Uh, Justin, if you WERE all about the music, millions of Americans wouldn’t be so eager to send you back.

There’s no business like snow business….

February 11, 2010

Actually the few SUV taxis in the D.C. area are making a fortune. Apparently rates are about $200 to get from downtown to Dulles airport…


Some conservative preachers and pundits like to say that natural disasters are God’s punishment for some sort of misbehavior. Think three feet of snow in Washington D.C. might be a sign that Congress should have passed healthcare reform?


According to an article to be published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, experts say the more bored you are, the more likely you are to die early. If this were really true, most teenagers wouldn’t survive high school.

Zappos.com is having a contest to be “Coach of the Day” for the New Jersey Nets. The winner will get a number of prizes, including tickets, dinner, and assisting coaches with pre-game drills, but the company stresses it is an honorary coaching title only. Come on, the Nets are 4 and 48. How much worse could an amateur be?


So the first prize is being coach of the Nets a day? Second prize presumably is being coach of the Nets for the rest of the season?

Rough season for the UNC men’s basketball team. They fell to 2-7 in the ACC with a loss to Duke, and will probably miss the NCAA tournament for the first time in recent memory. On the brighter side, the Tarheels would still probably be favored in a game against the New Jersey Nets.

While Washington D.C. has had significant snowfall, midwest residents know the real problem has been the lack of snow removal equipment. But to be fair, this was a big storm. It probably would have shut down Chicago for at least several hours.


Just how many snow days have they had in Washington DC this year? Put it this way, before school is out this summer, the Washington Nationals may be eliminated from the playoffs.

A Toyota executive said that U.S.dealers were repairing 50,000 cars a day and that the gas pedal fix would “last a lifetime.” Does this really need a punchline?


This could be the warmest winter Olympics ever. Think maybe the IOC is reconsidering their decision not to offer a spot to the Jamaican bobsled team?

John Mayer apologized for a Playboy interview where he insulted both his ex-girlfriends Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston, and also used the “N” word. He said he had to stop being “so raw” in interviews. No, John, how about trying to stop being “so stupid” in interviews?


Two men used the same word to describe liberal groups. But Sarah Palin called for Rahl Emanuel’s firing while defending Rush Limbaugh’s use of the term because it was “satire.” So Stephen Colbert announced that since HIS show was satire, that it was fair to call Palin a “f–king retard.” Is this a great country or what?

Tiger and beyond….

December 3, 2009

Allen Iverson will apparently sign with the 76ers, after he announced his retirement only a week ago. “Amateur,” commented Brett Favre.

After the week Tiger Woods has had, I can only hope Tim Tebow really is as clean as his image. Otherwise God could start losing his faith in people.


Well, this week does answer those who say Tiger never really connects with “playing partners.”


And I suppose those Americans who are tired of this story already have to be thankful for one thing…. Texting hadn’t really been invented when Bill Clinton was President…..


The NFL is trying to prevent more serious head injuries and has instituted a policy whereby players who think they have sustained a concussion should not return to action on the same day if they show “certain signs or symptoms.”

These symptoms include “an inability to remember assignments or plays.” Which means by the end of many games, the Cleveland Browns may find themselves unable to field 11 men on offense.


Ron Artest now says that he used to drink cognac during halftime while he has been playing in NBA. Wow, and here most fans thought the only people drinking hard stuff during the games would be Artest’s coaches.


Actually, Artest says he drank while playing for the Chicago Bulls. When he was with the Sacramento Kings, he just drove fans to drink. And just think, that whole brawl that ensued when a man threw a beer on him in Detroit, could this all have been averted had the guy just thrown Hennessy?


Be careful what you wish for department:

As much of the nation begins to focus on Toby Gerhart, who may or may not win a Heisman, but will graduate from Stanford this year, we can also pause to remember another player who would have been a senior at Stanford, playing basketball, until he decided to jump to the NBA. – Brook Lopez.

And yes, he’s making over $2.5 million in NBA salary. But playing for the New Jersey Nets. (Stanford, 5-3 and picked to finish last in the Pac 10, has 5 more wins than the Nets.)


Tonight the New Jersey Nets set an NBA record for most losses to open the season, and head into the week 0-18. In three years, the Nets are expected to leave New Jersey and move to Brooklyn. Which is strangely appropriate. It’s about time New Jersey dumped some of their garbage back to New York.