Posted tagged ‘Olympics jokes’
February 25, 2018
If Donald Trump had played college football we’d all be nodding our heads in agreement on a diagnosis of CTE.
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With the increasingly depleted Spurs somehow still in third place in the West, Gregg Popovich should be coach of year. Period. #smokeandmirrors
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Shaquille O’Neal’s son, Shareef, just announced he is decommitting from Arizona. Because he just found out the program is dirty, or because they didn’t offer HIM $100,000?
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Curt Schilling retweeted a conspiracy theory saying 17 yr-old Parkland survivor David Hogg is a paid crisis actor. Only charitable interpretation of this is that baseball players also can get too many concussions.
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Teresa Stadlober, an Austrian cross-country skier, lost a silver medal when she took a wrong turn during a 30km race. Wait, I thought it was men that wouldn’t ask for directions.
LeBron James, complaining about not getting foul calls in loss to Spurs – “We’re at a point now where we protect the shooter more than the driver.”
Maybe he should stick to politics?
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Canadian ski crosser David Duncan, along with his trainer and wife were arrested for alleged DUI in a stolen vehicle in South Korea. Know Canada is doing well with medals but maybe trying too hard to prove they are equal of American athletes.
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Meanwhile, USA has won gold in #Curling Let’s hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
Pistons coach Stan Van Gundy called NCAA “one of the worst organizations” in sports. Why stop at “in sports?”
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Trump on his proposed military parade “We’ll see if we can do it at a reasonable cost. If we can’t, we won’t do it.”
What, he didn’t say Mexico would pay for it?
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United Airlines and Delta have now cut off discounts for #NRA. How bad is it when you have a worse reputation in the US than airlines?
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Donald Trump mocked John McCain yesterday. So let’s see, now it’s people with terminal cancer. How long until he goes directly after a Parkland survivor?
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Imagine GOP reaction if a President @HillaryClinton sent Chelsea over to South Korea to “shore up diplomatic relations?”
Asked in Korea if her father’s idea of arming teachers would work to protect students Ivanka Trump responded “To be honest, I don’t know.”
Six words Donald has never spoken.
Frustrating as a Democrat that we call out extremist Republicans like #CPACbut then often put in our own litmus tests that punish moderates. #DianneFeinstein
But let’s be real about Feinstein. Democrats not endorsing her means simply that she didn’t get a majority of 2700 activists at state party convention. The Democratic convention isn’t CPAC, but it’s also not a sampling of mainstream Democrats.
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Here’s what I really don’t get about political litmus tests. None of us agree with our spouses, partners, or even friends on all issues. So why do some of us demand our politicians agree with us on everything? #HowToLoseElections
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Olympics jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 22, 2018
Kawhi Leonard may be out for year. Damn, as a liberal Spurs fan I miss days when that would be most depressing news of the week.
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Although if Spurs end up 3rd seed in West without Kawhi, Popovich should be a unanimous coach of the year.
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Don’t care who wins, shootouts are still a sucky way to determine a hockey gold medal.
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But seriously, these women have worked for years to make it to Olympics. For a gold medal they can’t let them play until someone scores a REAL goal in overtime?
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Mikaela Shiffrin brought 35 pairs of skis to Olympics. Ah, but how many pairs of shoes did she bring?
Billy Graham prayed with every President since Truman during their presidency. Except Donald Trump. Why I am not surprised?
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That moment when the President of the United States needs a cue card to pretend to be human…
At least Marco Rubio did the CNN Town Hall without cue cards.
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The kids are more than alright. The kids are damn impressive. #ParklandStudentsSpeak
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So would Right-wing trolls please explain how they think high school kids aren’t old enough to advocate for gun control but they are old enough to buy AR-15s?
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Florence Yared, 17 yr-old Parkland survivor to Congress “Soon we will be able to vote, and we will vote you out.” You go girl!
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Trump today “If you had a teacher who was adept with firearms, they could end the attack very quickly.” Could those armed teachers start with the attack on the education budget?
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So maybe we can take a lead from Betsy Devos and protect schools with trained grizzly bears? #Beararms
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NRA’s Dana Loesch says you should be able to buy any gun you want “if you are not a danger to yourself or your community.” The Vegas shooter didn’t seem like a danger. Until he was….
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Marco Rubio has 2 teenage & 2 pre-teen children. Yeah, I’m an optimist but it seems like maybe these kids got to him tonight. #StudentsStandUp
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While Texas superintendent threatens to suspend students from class 3 days for protesting gun violence, kids in Parkland have missed 5+ days of class because their school is an active crime scene.
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Donald Trump wants teachers to bravely take on shooters in schools….while he’s not even brave enough to take on media at press conferences
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: hockey jokes, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, Spurs jokes
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February 19, 2018
Damn, those of us Americans already jealous of Canada for Justin Trudeau have now added Virtue and Moir to the list.
Sorry, ABC viewers tonight. #VirtueAndMoir are so much sexier than ANY episode of #TheBachelor
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So wonder how many men joined their wives and girlfriends tonight watching ice dancing in hopes of another wardrobe malfunction?
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Canadian & German bobsledders are either great sports or have really good looking sisters. #Gold #Olympics (they tied.)
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MLB is going to limit mound visits to 6 per game, by managers, coaches & players combined, without a pitching change. The horror – how will a team discuss wedding presents? #Candlesticksalwaysmakeanicegift
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Last night at NBA All Star game, Roseanne Barr saw her torch for all time worst National Anthem grabbed off the floor by Fergie.
Russia, or rather OAR could lose a bronze medal over alleged doping in… men’s curling. So what will be Alexander Krushelnytsky’s excuse – “chicks dig the long rock?”
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GM Sandy Alderson says he thinks Tim Tebow will “play in the major leagues” someday. Or at least he’ll play for the Mets?
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Sunday was #NationalDrinkWineDay Although since Trump’s inauguration, for many Americans EVERY day has been #NationalDrinkWineDay
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School shooting survivors Emma Gonzalez & David Hogg said today they aren’t attending Trump’s “listening session” this week. That moment when kids have more courage of their convictions than the GOP congress.
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On #PresidentsDay not sure there is anything more damning for our current @POTUS that he thinks grinning “thumbs up” picture after a high school massacre is not only appropriate but should be his Twitter picture.
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I think more teachers would consider being armed if they were allowed to bring their weapons to contract negotiations.
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So now Trump position is that Russia didn’t meddle in 2016 and it was Obama’s fault anyway.
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That moment when POTUS asks his wealthy friends about gun control at Mar-A-Lago, where they are all protected by an armed Secret Service….
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Is it too much to ask for a President who respects the FBI and CIA half as much as he respects the NRA?
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Trump just endorsed Mitt Romney. Apparently he’s so desperate to be on the winning side expect POTUS to endorse Golden State Warriors next.
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and about 45 minutes later, this tweet from Mitt “Thank you Mr. President for the support. I hope that over the course of the campaign I also earn the support and endorsement of the people of Utah.”
So who had “less than an hour” in the “How long would it take Mitt Romney to sell his soul?” pool.
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Whatever you think about @BillClinton, he had friends and associates who remained loyal, even going to jail for him. Just guessing no one will fall on their sword for @realDonaldTrump
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, ice dancing jokes, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes
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August 21, 2016
The closing ceremony of #Rio2016 was tonight. Or if you are watching NBC, sometime next week.
Ryan Lochte said he “over-exaggerated” his robbery story. “Over-exaggerated?” Seven syllables to say “I lied?”
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On the other hand, for all the earlier worries about contamination, organizers of the Rio Games have to be happy that the biggest piece of trash in the water turned out to be an American swimmer.
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SF Chronicle reporting the Oakland A’s Billy Butler apparently missed games this weekend because he was injured in a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, This would never happen in the SF Giants clubhouse. These days none of them can hit anyone.
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Six Notre Dame players were arrested. Coach Brian Kelly kicked senior Max Redfield off the team, this after Redfield was sent home from last year’s Fiesta Bowl for a “failure to be punctual.” Senior Devon Butler was suspended “indefinitely,” although he was supposed to miss the beginning of the season with a broken foot. The other four will be subject to “internal discipline.”
Well, the Catholic God is all about confession and forgiveness. Especially if you can play football.
A young woman who had just moved from Nevada became the third person in a week to die falling from a cliff in San Pedro, near Los Angeles. She hopped a wall for a “better view” and tripped on her flip flops. Apparently about a dozen people die at the cliff each year.
Maybe they need to change the warning sign, simply to say “x number of Darwin Award winners made here in 2016.”
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So regarding the new “focused and consistent” Trump, I think no one can top the late great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
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New Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway says he “doesn’t hurl insults.”. Of course not. The insults spring fully formed from his mouth, and they are the bestest greatest insults.
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Will @realDonaldTrump take opportunity to be less controversial starting Mon, not having to work so hard to take headlines from #RyanLochte
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A NY Times report found that Donald Trump companies owe at least $650 million in debt. Waiting for the Donald to reply that the Times “doesn’t count good.”
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Rudy Giuliani is complaining that the media “fails to point out several signs of illness by (Hillary Clinton).” Once again, Rudy is inviting the media and psychologists to point out signs of mental illness in himself.
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New Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in 2005 “The fact is that Hillary Clinton could not stand up to a cheating husband, so how in the world would she stand up to North Korea and some of our other enemies around the globe?”
I must have missed when she said “Donald Trump cannot be faithful to his marriage vows, how in the world can he be faithful to the Constitution?”
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From T.C. – “The U.S. 4 x 100 men’s relay team didn’t win their appeal. On the other hand they stopped short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: As jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Olympics jokes, rio jokes, Trump jokes
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August 20, 2016
#Brazil wins soccer gold on penalty kick. Casual fans who only watch soccer in #Olympics or #WorldCup fans thinking “Is there any other way?
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Nine Australian athletes who wanted to see their basketball team play Serbia were charged with “tampering with their credentials” to get into the area. Police fined them about $3,000 each. Would have been a lot cheaper to use a scalper.
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Two of the U.S. swimmers involved in #Lochtegate released their own statements – Gunnar Bentz is insisting guns were drawn on them. Jack Conger apologized for the “trouble and embarrassment this event has brought to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro, and the distraction to my fellow Olympicians, then added he was only a witness, not a suspect and was “completely truthful.”
What part of saying “We were wrong, I am sorry” and then shutting up do these guys not get?
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Six Notre Dame football players were arrested last night, one for “battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement” and five when they were stopped for speeding and police allegedly found a handgun and marijuana in the car.
So let’s figure out how coach Brian Kelly manages to suspend them for the first quarter of the Nevada game.
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Right about now the #Reds should be expecting nice gift baskets from the #SFGiants. #BeatLA
A self-proclaimed white supremacist is in jail after stabbing an inter-racial couple when he saw them kissing in Olympia, Washington. #ifonlytheywerearmed
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#Zika travel advisory for pregnant women to avoid Miami Beach. What about women who go to South Beach to party etc & come back pregnant?
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Trump supporter actress Kirstie Alley is ripping President Obama for not visiting Louisiana, and when told that state Gov. John Edwards had asked him to wait, responded “that wouldn’t stop me.”
Right, because what’s more important, rescuing people and property or a photo op?
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Political consultant Bill Briggs on CNN slamming President Obama for not going to Baton Rouge. Never heard of the guy so I googled him. One of his past jobs – “VP Advance Representative
Office of the Vice President – 2004 – 2009.” Yep, a completely impartial observer….. #sarcasm
Just imagine #Trump ad if #Obama had gone to Baton Rouge. “This guy cares more about image than people, wasted responder-police time….
Credit where credit is due from T.C. ” US 4×100 relay team stops short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Olympics jokes
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August 17, 2016
North Korean gymnast Ri Se-Gwang won a gold medal on the vault today, but appeared to be crying sadly on the podium. Probably because he wasn’t able to vault far enough from the guards who will be returning him to North Korea.
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Members of the Irish Olympic Committee, including one on the IOC E-board, have been accused by Brazilian police of a scalping scheme involving more than 1,000 tickets. There’s corruption in the IOC? Wonder if they’re sponsoring gambling in Casablanca too?
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A reigning Olympic diving champion today ended with an amazing belly-flop in the semi-finals. So Ilya Zakharov won’t get a medal. But he has a great chance to win a t-shirt in Carnival Cruises pool games.
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Now there’s breaking news that a Brazilian judge has issued a search and seizure warrant for two of the swimmers who said they were robbed in Rio. Made-for-tv movie in 3-2-1…?
LeBron James on Team USA “Every time I watch ’em, I wish I was out there.” Uh, does King James mean playing basketball or hanging out on the luxury ship and playing beach volleyball?
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Lebron James said his goal is to “own a team.” Well, actually the Cavs owned a lot of teams last season.
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#SFGiants weren’t as good as they looked 1st half of season. But can’t be as bad as they look in 2nd half. 1962 #Mets weren’t even THIS bad.
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#MattCain allows 6 runs in 1 inning on 2 hits. Flashback to that 1st year of Little League when kids graduated from coach pitch. #SFGiants
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Phrase I DON’T want to hear on @SFGiants postgame show. #MattCain (as opposed to fill-in-the-blank) pitched better than score indicated.”
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Stop the presses, the #SFGiants did get a hit in the first inning with a runner in scoring position.
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A new Public Policy Polling survey found that three out of five Trump supporters in Texas want to secede if Hillary is elected. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country. #letmypeoplego
Curt Schilling says he’s considering running for Senate to unseat Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts. Can’t wait for her to tell him to put a bloody sock in it.
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Major shake-up this morning in the @realDonaldTrump campaign. Clearly this is @HillaryClinton’s fault
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New #Trump campaign CEO is Steve Bannon, head of #Breitbart News. So guess we’ve found one media outlet the Donald won’t be now attacking
So @realDonaldTrump is on his 3rd campaign manager & it’s only Aug. Who knew in a few short months he could have more managers than wives?
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Donald Trump apparently sent out a 30 question survey to his supporters asking for help with the campaign. Question 1 is “Which issues are most important to you?” Not listed – “I just don’t want to vote for Hillary.”
While Donald Trump makes headlines nearly every day with some outrageous comment, Hillary Clinton continues to run a largely cautious campaign. Clearly she has no regard for US comedy writers – whatever will we do if she is elected? #WewillalwayshaveBIll?
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brazil jokes, breibart jokes, diving jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Olympics jokes, rio jokes, rio2016 jokes, Trump jokes
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August 14, 2016
Thousands of passengers were evacuated at JFK airport tonight over alleged gunshots that turned out to be nonexistent. The sound may just have been cheering for Usain Bolt.
Yep, fear itself is winning.
On a more mundane note, getting really tired of saying “Well, THAT was the worst loss of the year. #SFGiants
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Apparently closer Santiago Casilla was just lulling us into a comfortable state of delusion.
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It’s a long season, but pretty sure that if #Casilla is last #SFGiants pitcher in 2016 season he will not walk off mound a winner.
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But on a brighter note, clearly Johnny Cueto, 2-3 today with an RBI, has benefited and learned from being in the same clubhouse as Madison Bumgarner.
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Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers said they were robbed at gunpoint last night by fake Brazilian police, a report confirmed by the U.S. Olympic committee. The IOC says the reports are “absolutely not true,”
Gosh, hope this one blatant lie doesn’t tarnish the IOC’s credibility.
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So does anyone really care about #Olympics medals in tennis and golf? Even tennis and golf fans?
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Wikileaks founder Julian Assange hates Hillary Clinton, in part because he says she is against the media and freedom of speech. So he wants to help Trump get elected? #unclearontheconcept
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So with a team full of #NBA starters plus luxury ship accommodations , #TeamUSA barely wins games. Will their gold medal, if they get one, have asterisk? #Rio2016
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Donald Trump used free publicity as a major tool in his fight to win #GOP primary, now complains about media. Talk about biting hand that bottle fed you.
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Trump running mate Mike Pence now said he will publicly release his tax returns but did not say when. A GOP spokesman said it would be before the November election. Not of course specifying which year.
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Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
Leaving aside the fact that the Donald doesn’t need any help, and if Trump is elected no opposition politician or world leader would ever do the same thing?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 9 Comments
August 12, 2016
A-Rod said today to Pedro Gomez he wants to be remembered as “someone who is madly in love with the game of baseball.”
Almost as much as he is in love with himself?!
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Katie Ledecky makes other swimmers feel like those other horses must have felt with Secretariat in the Belmont Stakes.
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Anthony Ervin, 35, won the 50M freestyle. At which point he probably turned around & said “You punks get out of my pool.” #Rio2016
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The US Women’s Soccer team has been knocked out before the medal round. Who do they think they are, the men? #USWNT #RIo2016
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Hope Solo after the US Women’s soccer team lost to Sweden – “I also think we played a bunch of cowards. But, you know, the best team did not win today.”
Once again, proving women can be the equal of men. Including in being sore losers.
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A CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) announcer called Ryan Lochte the winner of 200m medley instead of Michael Phelps. Well, that’s the trouble with Americans, we all look alike.
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So NBC decided to televise five swimming events live Friday night. Except on the West Coast. So swimming is a sport in most of the country and reality TV out west? #SMH
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#Olympics diving pool so green it was temporarily closed. At this point divers may hope worst they catch at #Rio2016 is Zika. #Poolgate
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A-Rod wanted to play 3rd base in his final game with the Yankees. Joe Girardi said no – “”We are still in the business of trying to win games.”
Right, that’s why New York traded away their star closer AND their star set-up man
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Burger King has a new “Whopperito,” basically ground beef with cheese sauce, lettuce, onion and tomato wrapped up in a tortilla. The company president said “We know Tex-Mex is growing a lot … and there are not that many national chains that sell burritos,”
Guess none of the names rang a bell?
When does #BruceBochy start saying postgame “They are who we thought they were.”? #SFGiants
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JetBlue is reporting that 24 people were hospitalized due to turbulence on one of their flights. Shouldn’t they say that 24 people were hospitalized due to not wearing their seat belts?
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American Airlines for the win today “Rather than wait on hold we can call you back when it’s your turn. Between 1 hour and 2 minutes and 1 hour and 20 minutes from now.”
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Now Donald Trump tweeted “Ratings challenged @CNN reports so seriously that I call President Obama (and Clinton) “the founder” of ISIS, & MVP. THEY DON’T GET SARCASM?’
So if he were to start WW3 by threatening to bomb Russia or China the Donald’s response would be “can’t they take a joke?”
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The NY Times has filed a request to unseal the records from Donald Trump’s first divorce, saying they could speak to his “credibility and character.” So the Times may not “write good” but maybe they “revenge good.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Janice Hough, ledecky jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 11, 2016
Over-under on how many American babies will be born in the next year named ?
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All the talk about seeing Michael Phelps for the last time in the Olympics. And somewhere Brett Favre is just giggling.
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Kim Rhode, who has won medals for the US in 5 consecutive Olympics, is complaining about California gun laws. “I shoot 500 to 1,000 rounds a day, so having to do a background check every time I purchase ammo, or every time I want to bring ammo in or out of a competition or a match, those are very challenging for me.”
And clearly the challenges are affecting her Olympic performance…. #sarcasm
National Advertising Bureau says Comcast has to stop saying they have “fastest Internet in America because Verizon is faster. And somewhere Donald Trump is saying “but Trump Tower is the very fastest and bestest.”
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In Myrtle Beach, two young women were arrested for skinny-dipping in an apartment complex pool, and one of them got angry enough to kick the police officer. Also furious, men in the complex at whoever called the cops.
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In Florida, a man was fatally shot during a road rage incident yesterday, which is only noteworthy because he himself had served 10 years in prison for killing a man during a 2001 road rage incident. Yeah, every once in a while mean bitch Karma is okay with the 2nd amendment..
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Macy’s says they will close 100 of their stores and focus more on online shopping. So are those stores waving the white flower?
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LA Rams coach Jeff Fisher cut WR Deon Long for breaking team rules by bringing a woman visitor back to his room. Now, Long was an undrafted free agent. Of course I’m sure Fisher would have applied the rules equally to Pro Bowl DT Aaron Donald, or new QB Jared Goff.
Many countries, including the UK, Canada, France, New Zealand and the UAE, are issuing travel warnings for the US, due to violence, Zika, mass shootings, anti-LGBT and Muslim attitudes, etc.
Waiting for Trump to say we don’t want tourists anyway. #MakeAmericaWalledAgain
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CNN reports that the Secret Service had “more than one conversation” with Donald Trump about his 2nd amendment comment, Trump has denied in a tweet that such a conversation ever took place. Is it really wise if you want to be President to p*ss off the people who are and might be protecting you?
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Delta Airlines, still digging out from their massive computer outage, admitted today there had been a ‘small fire’ at their data center. Right, like a long time ago Mrs. O’Leary in Chicago had a small cow.
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From T.C. “Is there a “Yogi Berra Finishing School” somewhere? I swear I heard an announcer on CNN say about a Trump rally, “We see people who are there and we see people who aren’t there”.
Of course one of the people who you might say “aren’t there” is the Donald himself. Especially if you insert the world “all.”
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So what’s next from Donald Trump? Telling John Hinckley that Jodie Foster has a major crush on Hillary Clinton? #bustohell
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Delta jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, macy's jokes, Olympics jokes, simone jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 10, 2016
And now both an Olympic diving pool and swimming pool have turned green. Maybe we could have done with Michael Phelps’ saying that everyone pees in the pool.
So today the multi-millionaire NBA superstar players living on a secured luxury ship had a somewhat close win over a team with 2-3 NBA players living in dorm conditions. Ah, the Olympic dream. USA! USA! USA! #USAvsAustralia.
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Not sure the real explanation as to why the water in #Olympics diving pool is green. But it’s one way to get divers out of the pool promptly post dive.
Nice showing by #Switzerland against #USA But really “beach volleyball” in Switzerland? Makes as much sense as #AmericasCup there. #Rio2016
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Can we stop referring to #SFGiants on 2nd & 3rd base as “Runners In Scoring Position.” It’s just getting cruel.
But today the Giants did manage to win 1-0 without a single hit with runners in scoring position. (Crawford home run)
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My day job is in the travel business. Somebody just sent me an invitation to become a Trump hotel specialist. Somebody doesn’t know me very well.
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A partial power loss on the new light-rail line to Denver International Airport is causing delays. But I am sure the airlines will be as sympathetic to passengers as they expect travelers to be when carriers themselves have delays. #Sarcasm
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Let’s put what Trump said another way. What if Hillary Clinton stood up at a rally and said, “If we elect Donald Trump he will appoint judges to overturn Roe v. Wade. nothing you can do, ladies. Although you Second Amendment women, maybe there is, I don’t know….”
I’m sure the Donald would laugh it off.
One of many criticisms of Hillary Clinton is that she made money after leaving office, and now is running for President. Especially after when Giuliani, Romney, Jeb Bush all left office they never did anything for profit before they decided to run…. #moresarcasm
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So #MaliaObama might have smoked a joint at a Chicago concert. Kudos to @POTUS & @FLOTUS for raising a normal child.
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Man arrested today for climbing #TrumpTower. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to tweet #TweetTower has best climbers ever, better than Everest.
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Donald Trump is blaming yet another controversy, the one involving “Second Amendment people” on the media. Yep, the dastardly media, who persist in reporting exactly what he says.
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This text exchange just was revealed between two of Chris Christie’s top aides during the New Jersey Governor’s 2013 press conference about Bridgegate:
“Are you listening? He just flat out lied about senior staff and Stepien not being involved.”
“I’m listening. Gov is doing fine. Holding his own up there.”
“Yes. But he lied. And if emails are found with the subpoena or emails are uncovered in discovery if it comes to that it could be bad.”
Time for the GOP to start talking about Hillary’s emails again.
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Bill Littlejohn reports that “Tim Tebow says he doesn’t want to be a ‘sideshow’ in baseball.Right–he’s not done being one in football”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
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August 9, 2016
Has @NBC figured out w/ women’s gymnastics only people who aren’t online enough to know results will be asleep by time show airs? #Rio2016
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Wonder which will come first, the NBC tape-delayed coverage of women’s gymnastics, or the Chinese women gymnasts hitting puberty?
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Apparently there are signs at the Rio Oympics saying you cannot fish in the toilets. Organizers were worried about that possibility why? – Because it’s the cleanest water in town?
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Tim Tebow has apparently been training and now hopes to pursue a career in professional baseball.Tebow hasn’t played the sport since high school so it’s probably crazy to think he could get to a major league level at this point. Though maybe Tim has a chance to catch on with the Atlanta Braves.
#TimTebow is now hoping to play pro baseball, although he hasn’t played since high school. Even God is thinking Tim doesn’t have a prayer.
#SFGiants manager #BruceBochy was out of the hospital and back on the bench today. Unfortunately the Giants offense is back on life support.
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After 7 hits last night, the Giants’ #BrandonCrawford went 0-4 today, and struck out on his first at-bat on 3 pitches. Hope his bat didn’t have all the hits taken out of it
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A man who was afraid his girlfriend would reunite with her ex called in a fake bomb threat last week before her flight to the Caribbean. He was released on bail, and apparently the couple is back together. These two just might be stupid enough to deserve each other.
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In Florida, two wild tortoises were found with their shells completely painted in bright colors, and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to issue a warning “While to you it may seem harmless, painting the shells of turtles and tortoises can severely compromise their health….”
If only the tortoises were armed. #cantfixstupid
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Martin Shkreli claims he has diagnosed Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease, Well, and millions of Americans have diagnosed Shkreli with antisocial personality disorder, or in the vernacular, being a sociopath.
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Forget #ManyAreSaying. What Donald Trump really needs is to start using “Everybody’s talking”:
“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind”
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Trump is dismissing a letter written by 50 GOP national security experts, who worked for presidents from Nixon to W. which said “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.:
The Donald said the letter was “politically motivated” and that the experts “deserve the blame for making the world such a dangerous place.” Wait a minute, I thought that was Hillary and Obama’s fault?
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Donald Trump at a rally today, “Hillary wants to abolish the 2nd amendment. ..If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks — although the 2nd Amendment people, maybe there is.”
If this guy were anything other than the Presidential nominee of a major political party the Secret Service would have made sure he was locked up a long time ago.
Possible @RealDonaldTrump is tired of this president thing; just trying to see how outrageous he can be before he is forced out of race?
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Okay, I am generally liberal and proud of it. But a Muslim flight attendant is suing ExpressJet, a commuter airline that works with United Airlines and others, saying they suspended her for refusing to serve alcohol. Uh, so what’s next, she will apply for a job in a bar and then sue them too?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, NBC jokes, Olympics jokes, Shkreli jokes, tape delay jokes, Tebow jokes, Trump jokes
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August 5, 2016
NBC not only tape delays #Rio2016 they’re broadcasting at different times across US. Good luck if you talk to friends in other time zones.
Viewers unhappy at @NBC tape-delaying #Rio2016 an hour w/ commercials. Except on West Coast #OpeningCeremony will be OVER before they start.
At least 3 NBA players in Rio were seen going into a brothel. Clearly Rio is not ready for the Olympics. Shouldn’t the groupies be in place by now?
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A Moroccan boxer has been arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting two maids at the Olympic Village. And presumably also for stupidity – he couldn’t find thousands of women happy to sleep with an Olympic athlete?
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The USA men’s and women’s basketball teams are staying on a luxury cruise ship docked in Rio, instead of at the Olympic Village where Andrew Bogut has tweeted about no shower curtains and bed issues.
Carmelo Anthony was asked about it “We have the same amenities as if we’re staying in a hotel, so I don’t really see what the (discussion is about). The beds are not big. The rooms are small. There’s some disadvantages to staying on the ship.” And Carmelo said all this with a straight face
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Some Olympic swimmers have been practicing with snorkels as the water looks “cloudy.” So when the events begin will we see the first ever hazmat wetsuits?
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Brazil has become the butt of jokes before the 2016 Olympics. #ThirdWorldProblems. But then there’s the US, where NBC still won’t show events live. #Firstworldproblems
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The new head of ABC has vowed there will be more “diversity” on “The Bachelor.” So this means instead of blond and brunette men, they might go for a redhead?
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The #Yankees have a press conference today about an impending retirement. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, it’s Mark Teixeira, not #ARod
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Mike Henriques, the Oakland A’s strength and conditioning coach, was suspended for allegedly putting a hidden camera in the Coliseum weight room to spy on players. Well, and looking at the A’s record, a lot of good it did him.
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Go #redsox. But at some point #Dodgers losing has to stop being @SFGiants strategy for winning NLWest.
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Scott Silverthorne, the mayor of Fairfax, VA, was arrested today for an alleged “meth-for-sex” scheme. SIlverthorne is also a substitute teacher. Wonder if he did his training in Albuquerque?
From my funny friend Jerry Perisho: “There’s good news concerning the contaminated water at the Olympics in Rio. The Zika mosquitoes are dying of Dysentery.”
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Tom Brady told reporters his decision finally to accept the NFL’s suspension was a “personal decision.” As in personally Brady figured he was spending more money on lawyers than he would lose in the suspension?
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Here’s another commie pinko journalist attacking Donald Trump: “Here is a truth of life. When you act as if you’re insane, people are liable to think you’re insane…. There’s a clueless quality about him. It’s not that he doesn’t get advice; it’s that he can’t hear advice, can’t process it or turn it into action.”
The writer? Peggy Noonan.
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The last line of an Los Angeles Times op-ed. Pass it on. The writer is Bernie Sanders: “I understand that many of my supporters are disappointed by the final results of the nominating process, but being despondent and inactive is not going to improve anything. Going forward and continuing the struggle is what matters. And, in that struggle, the most immediate task we face is to defeat Donald Trump.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brazil jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympic jokes, Olympics jokes, opening ceremony jokes, Team USA jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 24, 2016
So we don’t have a woman president, yet but we do have @jessmendoza on @ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. It’s a start!
#SFGiants don’t really want Aroldis Chapman (cost and last year’s domestic violence arrest.) But they’d be fine with the #Yankees not trading him to #Nationals before next weekend’s series.
#MikeMayers, MLB debut, 1.1 inning, 9 runs, 60.75 ERA. I feel for his mother. #LAvsSTL
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Chris Sale has been suspended five games for destroying his team’s throwback uniforms, which he didn’t want to wear, before Saturday’s game. On the other hand, he’s been offered freelance contracts by a lot of college football fans.
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While #ChrisSale is serving that 5 game suspension could he come to #SF & cut up #SFGiants road uniforms? They don’t apparently work anymore.
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Australian athletes are not moving into the Olympic village because they say it’s “uninhabitable,” with numerous safety issues. And Rio’s mayor responded “I almost feel like putting a kangaroo in front of their building to make them feel at home.” #whatiftheyhadanOlympicsandnobodycame?
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The #IOC will not completely ban #Russia from the #RioOlympics. And many Russian athletes are thinking now “Damn, so this means we have to go?
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#Trump, disbelieving Roger Ailes charge “because he’s a very good person,” & because #theDonald never considered that behavior harassment?
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Oxymoron online ad of the day – “Upgrade to Yahoo search.”
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Business Insider reports that many Kmart employees expect the company soon to close all their stores. And many Americans are going “Kmart still has stores?”
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Donald Trump now proposes stop immigration “from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism,” and wouldn’t rule out France and Germany. Uh, actually would the Donald like to find ONE country that doesn’t have terrorism, including the USA?
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But if #Trump‘s idea of banning immigrants from countries “compromised by terrorism” catches on around the world, it could be rough for Americans trying to move to Canada
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Have no problem with removing Debbie Wasserman Schultz as head of the DNC for the convention and beyond. But anyone want to hazard a guess what the RNC internal emails might look like about Trump and others in the GOP primaries?
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Critics are saying #HillaryClinton should have had #DebbieWassermanSchultz fired. Uh, and who’s to say she didn’t?
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V.P. note for grouchy Dems who wanted someone other than Tim Kaine: Cory Booker, Sherrod Brown & Elizabeth Warren, all would’ve had their Senate seats filled by GOP governors.
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Would have loved Clinton to take Booker. But Kaine ups her likability quotient. And I could get used to hearing “Senate Majority Leader Warren.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love Republican chaos. But some of same Democrats who are gleefully looking forward to November with the GOP not rallying behind Trump are also saying that Sanders shouldn’t throw his support to Clinton.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ailes jokes, baseball joke, bernie jokes, convention jokes, debbie wasserman schultz jokes, dnc jokes, dws jokes, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 10, 2016
Caitlyn Jenner is going to Cleveland for the convention: “I want to support courageous Republicans who advocate for LGBT freedom.” Well, this should be a quick trip.
Yeah, all #SFGiants fans figured going into the All-Star game they’d be getting big game winning hits from Green, Williamson and Tejada
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Javier Lopez fell out of the dugout today on his way to warm up. The SF Giants lefty was unhurt and retired the only batter he faced. Had it been Affeldt last year, Jeremy would have landed on the DL for three weeks.
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Golf has been absent from the Olympics for 112 years. Today, Dustin Johnson became the latest top golfer say he won’t play due to Zika worries. So would it hurt that much to make the absence 116 years? #Tokyo2020
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#NottheOnion Tubby Reddy, CEO of the South African Sports Confederation and Olympic Committee says of the 2020 Tokyo Games, if Oscar Pistorus “is out on parole, as it seems he will be before then, and qualifies for selection, then I don’t see how there can be a problem.”
An actual killer returning to sports? Isn’t that the NFL’s province?
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The NRA finally came out with a statement about the Dallas killings, expressing “deep anguish” and offering “deepest condolences” etc, but saying nothing about guns
What, no railing about gun-free zones? Or the usual #ifonlytheywerearmed? Oh, wait….never mind.
Okay, anyone else feel #UFC200 is the sports equivalent of #GameofThrones – one of those “important” things I care and know nothing about.
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In Aragon, a bullfighter has been gored to death during a tournament, which is supposedly the first fatality for the sport since 1987. Well, except for the bulls.
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6 more women are accusing #RogerAiles of sexual harassment. So it’s going to be another of those He said, she she she she said situations.
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So are they going to retitle the show #FoxandFriendswithBenefits?
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Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren is defending Roger Ailes, saying she’s even been alone with him and “nothing happened.” So maybe Greta’s just not his type?
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Mike Huckabee, criticizing President Obama “I think this is a time when real leaders bring people together, he doesn’t split them apart. He doesn’t need to inject the divisive arguments like gun control at a time of great grief for the nation. And he ought to do for us what Ronald Reagan did after the Challenger disaster.”
Because a sniper ambushing police is the same kind of tragedy as the shuttle blowing up. And I guess Huckabee forgot Reagan was for banning assault weapons. #SMH
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s there really a reason to keep showing the picture of the Dallas police killer? #enoughalready #justshowpicturesofthemenhekilled.
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Now much is being made of how the Dallas police killer sexually harassed at least one woman while he was in the military. Hmm. sexual harassment allegations as way to make it harder for men from getting guns….I could handle that. Not sure the NRA would agree.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bullfighting jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, NRA jokes, Olympics jokes, Pistorius jokes, roger ailes jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 18, 2016
Dear Gawd. This actual tweet from Texas Gov. Greg Abbott. “JFK wanted to send a man to the moon. Obama wants to send a man to the women’s restroom. We must get our country back on track. ”
Well, I can think of one man I’d love to send to the moon. And Abbott can take Ted Cruz with him.
Dikembe Mutombo tweeted out congratulations to the 76ers on winning the NBA draft lottery. Before the lottery happened. Well this should do wonders for the rumors that it’s all fixed.
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Nancy Armour writing in USA Today says “Ban countries that dope from Olympics.” Well, that’s one way to get this upcoming mess of a Rio games cancelled.
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Alabama star LT Cam Robinson along with DB Hootie Jones were arrested this a.m. Both were charged with marijuana possession but Robinson, a potential top-draft pick, also with “felony illegal possession of stolen firearms.” Yep, he’s NFL ready all right.
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Maine got slammed with 4-7 inches of snow yesterday. And in Denver they’re going, aw, we can probably beat that. #snowinJune?
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A self-proclaimed mother of 12 has posted a video of herself walking through Target with a bible saying that the chain doesn’t protect mothers and children etc….. So I missed the videos where she was protesting the Duggars. And the Catholic church.
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The IOC has opened disciplinary proceedings against 31 athletes from 12 countries just found to have been doping when their samples were retested from the 2008 Beijing games. The IOC President’s said it sends a “powerful message to the cheats.” Right. Always use the most cutting edge drugs
So some are outraged because OKC’s Steven Adams, who is from New Zealand, referred to Curry and Thompson as “quick little monkeys.” He also quickly apologized. But does anyone think Adams would deliberately say that as a slur, playing on a team that is mostly African American? (And Klay is actually biracial.) #PCoverload
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Donald Trump said he’d be willing to speak to Kim Jong Un. At the same time he’s insulting UK Prime Minister David Cameron. If this were a proposed movie script it would be rejected as too far fetched
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Donald Trump also said his income last year was exceeded $557 million. And heck, aren’t all Americans on the honor system about their income with the IRS?
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#TrumpKelly interview tonight on Fox. Proving again that whatever divides us as Americans, people can be brought together by love of $$$$.
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After game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals Canada is going, well we still have Justin Trudeau and your potential leaders are…. #TORvsCLE
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MLB bans #Odor 8 games, #Bautista for 1. So if you want to take someone out in baseball, use your legs not your hands.
Ben Simmons apparently is hoping to be drafted by the Lakers so that he can get a bigger shoe deal. Sounds like a perfect fit for Los Angeles with that team-oriented basketball they practiced so well at the end of Kobe’s career.
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And never say never. Even so guessing that Ben Simmons is NEVER going to be a Spur.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, bathroom jokes, greg abbott jokes, ioc jokes, Janice Hough, Megyn Kelly jokes, Olympics jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 22, 2015
Former player, current MLB analyst and all around nice guy Darryl Hamilton is dead, apparently by the hand of his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend in a murder suicide.. There are no printable words.
After Charleston, this seemed like it might be the week to move on from gun violence issues to regular snark. And all I can think of now is the online discussions, over the years and after the church shooting, with Darryl Hamilton. One of the best people I’ve been privileged to meet on Facebook . I’d wish as a SF Giants fan for the Dodgers to win the World Series in a minute if it would bring him back. No joke.
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Darryl Hamilton would at least have liked, and been amused to see this, Lindsey Graham on Monday today rethought his positions and called for the Confederate flag’s removal from the South Carolina Capitol grounds. #thetimestheyareeversoslowlychanging
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Mark Sanford, on the Confederate Flag controversy – “That’s opening up Pandora’s box.” Surprised Sanford didn’t have a staffer say the S.C. Rep was unavailable for comment because he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.
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Maybe she wanted to think about it, maybe she wanted to see which way the wind was blowing. But kudos to S.C. Gov Nikki Haley for coming to the right decision.
“It’s time to move the flag from the Capitol grounds. On matters of race, South Carolina has a tough history. We don’t need reminders.”
She added that if the legislature didn’t debate removing the flag this summer, she would call them back for a special session.
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Regarding Pete Rose, the OTL timing is odd, just before the All-Star game in Cincinnati. But for all those who say, it didn’t matter if he only bet on his team to win. So imagine you’re a bookie, and Pete bets on the Reds for Friday, and Sunday, but doesn’t bet on Saturday… He doesn’t have to give a reason..
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#Followthemoney Walmart announced Monday that it will remove all Confederate flag merchandise from its stores. One of those few moments I am glad the Charleston terrorist is still alive to see what he has accomplished.
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So baseball/softball are on the short list for being added to the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo. Other sports on the list include karate, squash, roller sports, wushu (martial art), sport climbing, surfing and bowling. No this list was not compiled by the Onion.
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Categories: sports jokes
Tags: Darryl Hamilton, gun control, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
February 24, 2014
It’s a big step that it now looks like we will have two openly gay male athletes play major US professional sports this year. The next big step – when we get to the point that such events aren’t even news.
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Jason Collins signed with the Nets and played tonight against the Lakers at Staples. If Brooklyn judges his play to be good enough, Jason should get a chance to be the first openly gay NBA player to play against a professional NBA team.
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So let’s start with the POSITIVES of having a gay player on your team. I’m sure my creative friends can make this a good list. 1. He might be the only teammate you can trust not to hit on your wife/girlfriend.
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So a supporter of Arizona’s bill allowing businesses to discriminate based on religious beliefs brought up the idea of a supermarket bakery worker not wanting to make a wedding cake for a gay couple. Leaving aside Jon Stewart’s brilliant question “What gay wedding has a supermarket cake?” why then should that worker not be able to ask if the bride and groom have had premarital relations? Or previously divorced? Etc. Because that could go against their religious beliefs too.
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CNN is going to end Piers Morgans’ show. “What a shame” said both of his viewers.
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Canada won men’s hockey gold in a game that started at 7am Toronto time. Does the city have someone chaperoning Rob Ford?
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I think a requirement for any American who professes to be upset by Canada’s hockey wins should be to name at least try NHL players. Current ones.
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The USA women’s hockey collapse against Canada was embarrassing. But in the long run suppose less embarrassing than being shut out for the last two games….
Sigh. Shows like Downton Abbey have their season flash by in an instant and stuff like “Keeping up with the Kardashians” apparently never ends? #qualitynotquantity
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The Daytona 500 was delayed several hours due to heavy rain. Sounds like Mother Nature is saying “Don’t gloat about this winter so fast, Florida.”
13 car crash on lap 146 of 200 Daytona. For millions of Americans, finally a reason to watch the race highlights on Sportscenter.
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Half expected when the race was over to have Fox interrupt with historic breaking news of the second Daytona 500 winner in a single day.
(during the rain delay, they showed the 2013 race on Fox. Someone at Fox News thought it was for 2014. And announced the winner again accordingly.)
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Non-US carriers are different. ANA made a apologetic announcement today at the airport that boarding would be delayed due to cabin preparation. By FIVE minutes. And the guy sounded really sorry.
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Zack Greinke, on the Dodgers and Dbacks opening the MLB season in Australia “I would say there is absolutely zero excitement for it. There just isn’t any excitement to it. I can’t think of one reason to be excited for it.” I am thinking the league will quickly remind him of million$ of rea$on$ to be excited by it.
Justin Bieber, unhappy about the “Loser gets Bieber” billboard about the US vs. Canada hockey, tweeted. “I guess I’m an easy target for some. I’m still human. I will continue to meet hate with love. It’s all about the music. Much love” Uh, Justin, if you WERE all about the music, millions of Americans wouldn’t be so eager to send you back.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Canada jokes, Daytona 500 jokes, gay basketball player jokes, Janice Hough, Jason Collins jokes, Nets jokes, Olympics jokes, USA hockey jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
February 19, 2014
If it’s all about ratings, why don’t they have an Olympic snowboard event with medals for the most spectacular wipeouts?
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Many baby boomers have come full circle. From begging their parents to stay up to watch “The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson. To trying to stay up to watch “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.”
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Norwegian mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, convicted of killing 8 people in a 2011 bombing and fatally shooting 69 more at a youth camp, says if he doesn’t get better video games, a sofa and a larger gym, he will go on a hunger strike until his demands are met or he dies. Uh, and the problem here is…?
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Some boxes of Hot Pockets were recalled after their maker said they found some of the sandwich meat came from the Northern California slaughterhouse that was closed this month during a federal investigation into unsanitary meat. Shocking! Hot Pockets contain meat?
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Simon Cowell says he is “giddy” over his new baby boy. Of course this is the man who once said “I only put myself in a situation where I know I am confident in what I am talking about.” Give the new dad about 13 years….
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Both the top Canadian and U.S. ice dancing teams use the same coach, and after the competition silver medalists Tessa Virtue & Scott Moir complained that they felt sometime she “wasn’t in their corner.” What are the couple trying to do – whine enough to be made honorary Americans.
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Apparently LeBron James is amongst a group of players lobbying for a longer NBA All-Star break, so the All-Stars themselves “enjoy some semblance of respite from the grind of the (82 game) regular season.” And MLB players are just giggling.
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The Clowns of America president says that membership numbers are plummeting because the younger generation isn’t going into the profession, and that the country may be facing a clown shortage. Well, we can always borrow some from Congress.
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Falcons wide receiver Roddy White was arrested and briefly jailed near Atlanta this am for failing to appear in court on a ticket for illegally tinted windows. Two things. Isn’t your posse supposed to take care of those details? And don’t Georgia police have anything better to do?
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Tonight’s men’s basketball game between # 15 Iowa and Indiana was postponed when a piece of metal fell from the ceiling at the Assembly Hall in Bloomington. The antithesis of “raise the roof?”
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In jailhouse recordings just released, Michael Dunn, the shooter in the “loud music” case is heard telling his fiancee: “I’m the f—–g victim here. I was the one who was victimized. I’m the victor but I was the victim too.” Even George Zimmerman is beginning to think this guy is an a**hole.
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On the other hand, forget #CelebrityBoxing, can we match up #GeorgeZimmerman and #MichaelDunn in a real life version of the #HungerGames?
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #sochi2014, Janice Hough, Jimmy Fallon jokes, Michael Dunn jokes, Olympics jokes, Sochi jokes, Tonight show jokes, Zimmerman jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 16, 2014
Very cute Carnival Cruise lines Olympic commercial featuring kids and a waterslide about the team that “just met yesterday.” Wonder how many people can read the small print “Unless you are a professional bobsledder only one person may go down the slide at a time.”
Three one thousandth of a second was the difference today in the 1500 meters men’s speed skating event. Men think “Wow!” And women think, “I’ve known men who’ve lasted less than that.”
Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, defending his decision to allow a debt-ceiling vote. “I believe I have to act in the best interest of the country.” And he said it with a straight face.
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Sad news. John Henson, 48, who followed his late father into puppetry, has died of a heart attack. Jim Henson was only 53 when he died. Hope this doesn’t mean Muppets are hazardous to your health.
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USA men’s hockey wins in a shoot out. USA Women’s curling elminated after they fall just short of an extra end. And millions of people are thinking “I have no idea what either of those sentences mean.”
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Curling would be a lot more fun to watch if they could run the competition simultaneously on the ice with figure skating. #demolitionderby
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Just thinking that “do you believe in miracles?” call wouldn’t have been the same with a shootout.
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So it’s not the suits? What will the U.S. Speedskating team blame next?
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Roger Goodell made $44.2 million last year. Could you imagine how much he would have made if he weren’t working as the head of a nonprofit?
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The military says they now have a pizza for soldiers that can stay on the shelf for as long as three years and still remain edible. Did they just borrow the recipe from Domino’s?
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A Northern California Radio Shack was robbed at gunpoint this week. Shocking! There’s anything at a Radio Shack crooks think is worth stealing?
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So to sum up, a white guy in Florida opened fire on a SUV with four black teenagers inside because he felt “threatened” after an argument that he started by complaining about their music. (The teenagers were unarmed.) And a jury says he’s guilty of trying to murder the kids he missed, but not guilty of murdering the kid he actually shot?
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George Zimmerman just told an interviewer: “I suffer from PTSD.” I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
A top South Korean speed skater decided to move and switch his allegiance to Russia in order to improve his medal changes in Sochi. Hmm. Think we can convince Justin Bieber that his best chance of another Grammy is to move back to Canada?
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From Marc Ragovin. ” Actress Ellen Page has announced that she is gay. Well there goes her NFL career.”
(of course, for nervous men, Page could be the perfect locker room reporter.)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, hockey jokes, Olympic jokes, Olympics jokes, Sochi jokes, Team USA jokes, Zimmerman jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 15, 2014
Fox News hosts were apparently mocking Facebook’s decision to provide users with over 50 new options for their gender, other than simply “male” or “female.” That’s not nice. Considering that several of those options were probably designed to give choices to Ann Coulter.
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Vladimir Putin visited Team USA headquarters yesterday, though did not meet with any of the men’s slopestyler medalists. Maybe he’d been told to “leave the children alone.”
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So who knew men’s figure skating was going to turn into short track speed skating? #sochi14 #crashes
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Nice job by the U.S. men’s slopestyling team. But even the Chinese women gymnasts are thinking “Those boys are YOUNG.”
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From Marc Ragovin “I think Hansen won the Slopestyle Skiing competition yesterday”
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The U.S. speedskating team is switching uniforms, blaming the new suits they brought to Sochi for their so-far lackluster Olympic performance. Hmm, wonder if the Denver Broncos had new uniforms for the Super Bowl?
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Tom Perkins said yesterday that only taxpayers should vote (has he thought that even children pay sales tax..?) He added that those who pay more should get more votes. “You pay a million dollars in taxes you get a million votes.” I think we’re discovering the answer to a question. “What happens when “affuenza” meets dementia?
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On Valentine’s Day, hope all men who valued their health remembered those three little words that mean so much to women: “Where’s my chocolate?”
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Oops. A Groupon promotion today offered $10 off any Groupon deal of $40 or more in honor of President Alexander Hamilton, who’s on the $10 bill. But millions of Americans said, “and your point is?
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Nothing against Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera but didn’t it used to be possible to retire without taking a victory lap?
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Meanwhile, wonder if at this point Roger Goodell is wishing the Saints put out a bounty on Richie Incognito?
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Carmelo Anthony says he is willing to accept less money to re-sign with the Knicks. Maybe it’s about getting more free agents. Or maybe Melo just really doesn’t like playoff pressure.
Last year, Newark Airport finished dead last in the U.S., with 70% of flights arriving on time. And regular Newark fliers responded “How dd they over-inflate those results?”
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Actress Ellen Page, who in Juno played a pregnant girl who decided to give her baby up for adoption, has come out as gay. And conservative Republicans immediately responded “Exactly, adoption is the option that all gay women who get pregnant should choose….. Oops, never mind.”
From Bill Littlejohn: “Recently, Japan’s Olympic womens hockey team scored its first goal in 16 years.Boy, and you thought California was in a drought”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ellen page jokes, Fox jokes, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, Putin jokes, russia jokes, Sochi jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 