Posted tagged ‘USA hockey jokes’

One small step…

February 24, 2014

 

It’s a big step that it now looks like we will have two openly gay male athletes play major US professional sports this year. The next big step – when we get to the point that such events aren’t even news.

Jason Collins signed with the Nets and played tonight against the Lakers at Staples.   If Brooklyn judges his play to be good enough, Jason should get a chance to be the first openly gay NBA player to play against a professional NBA team.

 

So let’s start with the POSITIVES of having a gay player on your team. I’m sure my creative friends can make this a good list. 1. He might be the only teammate you can trust not to hit on your wife/girlfriend.

 

So a supporter of Arizona’s bill allowing businesses to discriminate based on religious beliefs brought up the idea of a supermarket bakery worker not wanting to make a wedding cake for a gay couple. Leaving aside Jon Stewart’s brilliant question “What gay wedding has a supermarket cake?” why then should that worker not be able to ask if the bride and groom have had premarital relations? Or previously divorced? Etc. Because that could go against their religious beliefs too.

CNN is going to end Piers Morgans’ show. “What a shame” said both of his viewers.

Canada won men’s hockey gold in a game that started at 7am Toronto time. Does the city have someone chaperoning Rob Ford?

I think a requirement for any American who professes to be upset by Canada’s hockey wins should be to name at least try NHL players. Current ones.

The USA women’s hockey collapse against Canada was embarrassing. But in the long run suppose less embarrassing than being shut out for the last two games….

 

Sigh. Shows like Downton Abbey have their season flash by in an instant and stuff like “Keeping up with the Kardashians” apparently never ends? #qualitynotquantity

The Daytona 500 was delayed several hours due to heavy rain. Sounds like Mother Nature is saying “Don’t gloat about this winter so fast, Florida.”

 

13 car crash on lap 146 of 200 Daytona. For millions of Americans, finally a reason to watch the race highlights on Sportscenter.

Half expected when the race was over to have Fox interrupt with historic breaking news of the second Daytona 500 winner in a single day.

(during the rain delay, they showed the 2013 race on Fox. Someone at Fox News thought it was for 2014.  And announced the winner again accordingly.)

Non-US carriers are different. ANA made a apologetic announcement today at the airport that boarding would be delayed due to cabin preparation. By FIVE minutes. And the guy sounded really sorry.

Zack Greinke, on the Dodgers and Dbacks opening the MLB season in Australia “I would say there is absolutely zero excitement for it. There just isn’t any excitement to it. I can’t think of one reason to be excited for it.” I am thinking the league will quickly remind him of million$ of rea$on$ to be excited by it.

 

Justin Bieber, unhappy about the “Loser gets Bieber” billboard about the US vs. Canada hockey, tweeted. “I guess I’m an easy target for some. I’m still human. I will continue to meet hate with love. It’s all about the music. Much love” Uh, Justin, if you WERE all about the music, millions of Americans wouldn’t be so eager to send you back.

As the flame burns out.

February 23, 2014

USA hockey reaction after today: “Bummer that we didn’t get a medal.” Russia hockey reaction: “how the bleep did we lose to these guys?”

Alas,  “Do you believe in Miracles?” has become “Do you believe in not being good enough for a Bronze Medal?”

 

Team USA speed skating strategy for next Olympics? Expedited citizenship for more Dutch applicants.

The Sochi Olympics are almost over. And March Madness is just around the corner. So most Americans can soon go from cheering for sports they’ve never cared about before, to cheering for teams they’ve never cared about before. #bracketology

 

The NFL is apparently going to institute penalties for racial slurs. 15 yards for the first offense, and ejection for the second. So what will constitute a “racial slur?” Are players going to get a manual of words? And what about “Redskins?”

Easter this year is 4 20. This is an advance warning to children in Colorado and Washington: Hide those chocolate bunnies from mom and dad.

While the 49ers appear to have been talking to the Browns about a deal to send Jim Harbaugh to Cleveland, the coach appears to have vetoed the deal. So now we know the answer, yes there are some challenges too big even for Harbaugh’s ego.

 

In Austin, a woman jogger was arrested for jaywalking and not having ID . Bummer. Had she only been armed she could have proved Texas residency

A Duke University freshman who was outed as a porn star is defending her occupation as something she enjoys and more than pays her college expenses. Maybe the young woman should go into politics. At least her screwing people for money is providing some value.

 

All that weight Pablo Sandoval lost, I think we just found some of it: Yasiel Puig showed up to Dodgers training camp weighing 251 pounds, 26 more than in 2013.

 

NFL rules kept Jadeveon Clowney from entering the draft last year, and the DE said “Because I came off a great season. If it was a chance, I probably would have. “But right now, it’s over with. I had to stay a third year. I did what I had to do, took care of business with my team…”

Uh, considering how underwhelming his 2013 season was, wonder how motivated Clowney will be once he has $$$? (I still predict, he’ll be a bigger distraction for his team than Michael Sam.)