Posted tagged ‘Jason Collins jokes’

College prep?

March 7, 2014

In Atlanta, an investigation discovered that parents of 14 of the 58 players on the highly-ranked Grady High School football team had used faked addresses to enroll at the school. Sounds like the parents are preparing their sons well for the honorable world of college football….

(And maybe the parents all wanted their sons to play at SEC schools?)

The Miami Marlins were reportedly upset that Boston sent a mostly minor-league lineup “organizational filler in Red Sox batting practice jerseys” to a spring training game today. “Organizational filler in jerseys.” Doesn’t that basically describe the 2013 Marlins? (Who won all of 62 games.)

Class, nothing but class. All around. An Ohio woman, upset when she found out her husband was having an affair with a Walmart employee, went to that Walmart, and posted numerous photos throughout the store of them having sex , with the caption “Hide your Husbands.”

(and have to wonder, how many Walmart shoppers tried to buy the pictures?)

Jon Stewart on the new GOP love affair with Putin because he’s a leader. “‘Makes a quick decision and everybody reacts.’ That’s not what you call a leader, that’s what you call a toddler.”

The #Philadelphia76ers have lost 15 games in a row. This could affect their seeding in the NCAA tournament. #MarchMadness

Adrian Peterson wants Minnesota to sign free agent QB Michael Vick. So will the media start secret polls to see if Viking players would be comfortable with a dog-killer in their locker room?

Meanwhile, the Brooklyn Nets are 7-3 in their last 10 games.  And on a four game win streak.  Now Jason Collins isn’t playing that much….but if he’s affecting the locker room, a whole lot more teams will be wanting to sign gay players.

The Miami Heat lost 111-87 to the San Antonio Spurs tonight, and LeBron James partly blamed his short-sleeve jersey for his 6-18 shooting night. Right then, if LeBron wasn’t bothered by his jersey and hit 100% of this shots, the Heat would have… tied?!

Manny Ramirez has set up his own training camp near Miami, and hopes that some team gives him a call ”If it is God’s will, I could play in MLB this season.” It could happen, particularly if God loves comedy writers.

In Georgia lawmakers are considering a bill that would allow guns in Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. Well, that’s one way to deal with overhead bin hogs.

Tony Hawk apologized to fans who thought a viral video showing him flying on a hoverboard was real. (The pro-skateboarder was actually using a movie stunt harness.) What’s next? Hawk signing a contract to promote Amazon’s drone delivery?

Entitlement karma in action in Los Altos, California.  Chevy Tahoe parked in a “compact car” space, unable to open driver’s side door due to a large Mercedes SUV parked right next to them, also in a “compact car” space….

At Oscar Pistorius’s trial in South Africa, a defense witness said he found the track star crying over his girlfriend’s body and praying for her to live. A sign of innocence, or a sign that Pistorius had calmed down after shooting the young woman and was already regretting it?

The Washington D.C. City Council Legislation voted last night to decriminalize marijuana. Could put a whole new meaning on bringing cases before the high court.

From Marc Ragovin:  “Kiki Dee turned 67 on Thursday. That explains her new hit: “DOn’t Go Breaking My Hip.” (more…)


One small step…

February 24, 2014


It’s a big step that it now looks like we will have two openly gay male athletes play major US professional sports this year. The next big step – when we get to the point that such events aren’t even news.

Jason Collins signed with the Nets and played tonight against the Lakers at Staples.   If Brooklyn judges his play to be good enough, Jason should get a chance to be the first openly gay NBA player to play against a professional NBA team.


So let’s start with the POSITIVES of having a gay player on your team. I’m sure my creative friends can make this a good list. 1. He might be the only teammate you can trust not to hit on your wife/girlfriend.


So a supporter of Arizona’s bill allowing businesses to discriminate based on religious beliefs brought up the idea of a supermarket bakery worker not wanting to make a wedding cake for a gay couple. Leaving aside Jon Stewart’s brilliant question “What gay wedding has a supermarket cake?” why then should that worker not be able to ask if the bride and groom have had premarital relations? Or previously divorced? Etc. Because that could go against their religious beliefs too.

CNN is going to end Piers Morgans’ show. “What a shame” said both of his viewers.

Canada won men’s hockey gold in a game that started at 7am Toronto time. Does the city have someone chaperoning Rob Ford?

I think a requirement for any American who professes to be upset by Canada’s hockey wins should be to name at least try NHL players. Current ones.

The USA women’s hockey collapse against Canada was embarrassing. But in the long run suppose less embarrassing than being shut out for the last two games….


Sigh. Shows like Downton Abbey have their season flash by in an instant and stuff like “Keeping up with the Kardashians” apparently never ends? #qualitynotquantity

The Daytona 500 was delayed several hours due to heavy rain. Sounds like Mother Nature is saying “Don’t gloat about this winter so fast, Florida.”


13 car crash on lap 146 of 200 Daytona. For millions of Americans, finally a reason to watch the race highlights on Sportscenter.

Half expected when the race was over to have Fox interrupt with historic breaking news of the second Daytona 500 winner in a single day.

(during the rain delay, they showed the 2013 race on Fox. Someone at Fox News thought it was for 2014.  And announced the winner again accordingly.)

Non-US carriers are different. ANA made a apologetic announcement today at the airport that boarding would be delayed due to cabin preparation. By FIVE minutes. And the guy sounded really sorry.

Zack Greinke, on the Dodgers and Dbacks opening the MLB season in Australia “I would say there is absolutely zero excitement for it. There just isn’t any excitement to it. I can’t think of one reason to be excited for it.” I am thinking the league will quickly remind him of million$ of rea$on$ to be excited by it.


Justin Bieber, unhappy about the “Loser gets Bieber” billboard about the US vs. Canada hockey, tweeted. “I guess I’m an easy target for some. I’m still human. I will continue to meet hate with love. It’s all about the music. Much love” Uh, Justin, if you WERE all about the music, millions of Americans wouldn’t be so eager to send you back.


April 29, 2013

Congrats to Jason Collins for his decision.  While  most Americans knew this day was coming for some male athletes , someone had to say  “It’s me”  instead of  “me, too.”

And okay, there’s a first time for everything.  Kudos to Kobe Bryant.  For being one of the first players to tweet support.

(any regular or even semi-regular reader knows I am NOT usually a Kobe fan.)

So far mostly positive reaction from NBA players to Jason Collins’ coming out as gay. And hope those who might condemn him as going against their Christian ideal of heterosexual monogamy, have realized they’ve already survived having teammates with several baby mamas.

From Gary Bachman:   “Breaking news: a male professional ice skater has come out that he is straight.”

Hope someone signs Jason Collins asap and that he gets a lot of standing ovations when introduced in 2013. #Collinsanity

To be fair, Jason Collins already has known what it’s like to face public embarrassment.  He spent last season with the Washington Wizards.

Thinking after this season a whole lot of NBA players now might rather have Jason Collins on their team than Dwight Howard.

Another nice thing about the Jason Collins story. Knocked the NFL right off the front page. Had the league known he was coming out today, wonder if they’d have asked the Jets to wait a day to release Tim Tebow?


And the best thing about Jason Collins’ announcement for Los Angeles basketball fans: It knocks the Lakers’ abysmal performance in the postseason right out of the sports headlines.

President Obama called Jason Collins “to express his support and said he was impressed by his courage.” Part of Barack’s continuing effort to make Rush Limbaugh’s head explode. Oh wait, Rush had Elton John sing at his last wedding. Never mind….

The NBA relocation committee has voted unanimously to keep the Sacramento Kings from relocating to Seattle. And down in Los Angeles they’re thinking “Take our Lakers, please.”

S&P 500 had a record close today, and Nasdaq is at its highest level in more than 12 years. I blame Obama.

Metta World Peace defending Dwight Howard. “I think we (the Lakers) put a little too much pressure on Dwight.” Gosh, did they take away Howard’s blankee too?

So in response to a debate question about his vote to impeach Bill Clinton, Mark Sanford tonight responded “Do you think that President Clinton should be condemned for the rest of his life for a mistake he made?” Uh, Mr. Sanford, the point is that YOU thought the answer to that question was “yes.”

The #NYJets released #TimTebow today. Can’t wait to see the press conference when Mark Sanchez fumbles his response.