Posted tagged ‘Lakers jokes’
March 15, 2017
Are you sure you’re finished with your brackets?
–
Warriors almost lose to 76ers, Wizards lose to Mavericks, and Spurs with Aldridge back lose to TrailBlazers. WTF? Can we blame Trump?
–
The Los Angeles Lakers are shutting down Luol Deng & Timofey Mozgov for the rest of the NBA season. Which means Deng & Mozgov will be contributing about as much as they have so far in the season.
–
This is a good thing, not just for @Spurs fans. Glad he’s OK –
“Spurs’ LaMarcus Aldridge cleared to return after minor heart arrhythmia.”
(but based on tonight’s game against Portland, maybe the team celebrated a bit too much in the afternoon?)
–
Joint joke with Roberta K. Israel was eliminated today from the World Baseball Classic after they lost to Japan 8-3. Had they won, however, the team was probably going to be tested for PEB – Performance Enhancing Bagels.
-.
–
Jeff Sessions speaking in Richmond “I am astonished to hear people suggest that we can solve our heroin crisis by legalizing marijuana — so people can trade one life-wrecking dependency for another that’s only slightly less awful. Our nation needs to say clearly once again that using drugs will destroy your life.”
Wonder if his speech was followed by a cocktail party.
–
Ryan says President had a hand in #Trumpcare bill. But we all know Trump has really small hands
–
Hawaii judge strikes down Muslim Ban 2.0. Waiting for Trump to decry a foreign state meddling in US affairs.
–
Trump promising ‘some very interesting items’ about Obama wiretap claim. Like his “very interesting” facts about Obama’s birth certificate?
–
Paul Ryan on if #Trumpcare would pass today-“that’s kind of a goofy question” Prompting immediate demands for apology. From Goofy. And Pluto.
–
Trump wannabe Geert Wilders apparently is losing bigly in Dutch elections. Does this mean Netherlands get added to travel ban?
–
The CDC Monday said the Zika virus might be present in Florida sperm donations. But hey, so glad Trump is going to be doing away with all those pesky government agencies and regulations:
After Rand Paul blocked a treaty that would have allowed Montengro into NATO, something Russia opposes, John McCain stated “The senator from Kentucky is now working for Vladimir Putin.”
Uh, only the senator from Kentucky?
–
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, NCAA tournament jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
February 21, 2017
Lakers President #JeannieBuss fired her brother today. Well, at least they have 9 months to get over it before Thanksgiving.
–
Magic Johnson has now been promoted to president of basketball operations for the Lakers. Of course what the team really needs is a vintage Magic PLAYING for the Lakers.
–
Don’t get me wrong, I love Magic Johnson. But how about all those those NBA titles Michael Jordan won as an owner?
–
MLB may change the intentional walk rule for 2017 to allow for a dugout signal instead of four actual pitches out of the strike zone So if a manager changes pitchers, then a pinch-hitter results in the decision for an IBB a relief pitcher could lose the game without throwing the ball once.
–
Sammy Sosa, who still denies taking PEDs, told a Cubs employee in an interview ““It’s like Jesus Christ when he came to Jerusalem. Everybody thought Jesus Christ was a witch, and he was our savior. So if they talk s–t about Jesus Christ, what about me? Are you kidding me?”
Uh, if Sosa’s mentioning Jesus shouldn’t it be less a comparison and more like “Jesus wept?”
A-Rod says there is a “zero percent” chance he will play major league baseball again. “So you are saying there’s a chance?”
–
A hearing underway to determine if a then 71-year old man can use the “Stand Your Ground” defense for fatally shooting a 43-year old man 3 years ago in a movie theater. Apparently the shooter, a retired cop, had told the younger man to stop texting, and during the argument the victim threw popcorn at him.
Yeah, did you have to ask? Florida.
–
My friend Pat found this quote during a Parliamentary debate on whether or not to allow Trump a State visit to England, Paul Flynn of the Labour Party said ” the President’s intelligence level is protozoan”.
Only problem, Trump probably thinks “protozoan” is a compliment.
–
Clearly what Trump meant to say when he criticized Obama is that a President should only play golf on courses he owns.
–
#ChrisBrown‘s latest ex has had restraining order filed against him for alleged abuse. Congrats to all those who had 2/21/2017 in the pool.
–
Milo Yiannopoulos has “resigned” from Breitbart, “effective immediately.” So guess there really was a floor after all on “How low can you go?
–
The DOJ reports a Missouri man, Robert Hester, was charged after allegedly trying to launch a terrorist attack in the U.S. supporting ISIS (Fortunately, he was working with undercover law enforcement personnel instead of real terrorists.
Hester is a U.S. Citizen, born in Missouri. Yeah, those refugee and other visa bans are really going to keep us safe….
–
“When he said that the fake news media is not my enemy, it’s the enemy of the American people, I believe that crosses an important line. It’s a different thing when it’s a president — because if it’s a president you like trying to talk about the press being the enemy of the people, then it’s going to be a president you don’t like saying the same thing. And that’s very dangerous.”
Another commie-pinko attacking Trump? Nope. Chris Wallace of Fox News.’
So Trump is now tweeting angrily that “The so-called angry crowds in home districts of some Republicans are actually, in numerous cases, planned out by liberal activists. Sad!”
But everyone who shows up at his rallies is a hard-working decent American patriot. Got it.
–
In all seriousness, if one of the best ways to fight terrorism is for members of the community to come forward – “If you see something say something” – but coming forward might now get you deported, isn’t Trump working on making America much LESS safe?
Same people accusing media of inciting fear among immigrants and foreign-looking Americans with random stories of deportation seem to have no problem with Trump and company inciting fear with random and often fake stories of terrorism
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: immigrant jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Magic johnson jokes, media jokes, trumo jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 26, 2016
4 hours & 4 minutes for 5-1 Chicago win. Good thing Cubs have plenty of fans because these first two World Series games would not convert many to MLB
–
Blowout baseball games are really only fun to watch if you’re a fan of the team doing the blowing-out. Another reason Fox might consider showing more regular season games to create national rather than regional interest….
Just one game and one win, but tonight did Lakers get a taste of what it might have been like to have Kobe Bryant retire sooner?
–
Yoenis Cespedes has opted out of his #Mets contract and plans to test free agent market. Because 4 teams in 6 years wasn’t enough?
–
Looking at all these bundled-up players in 40 degree temperatures during the World Series makes me nostalgic for Candlestick Park.
–
A police report on the crash that took the life of Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez found “a strong odor of alcohol” and evidence that whoever was driving the boat was speeding and driving with “recklessness” that was “exacerbated by the consumption of alcohol.”
Sad, really sad. But “I am shocked, said nobody.”
–
American is going to be the next major U.S. airline to start selling “Basic” economy fares – no changes, standby, seat assignments, etc. So how low can they go – the option to fly as cargo?.
–
Newt Gingrich tweeted today “‘For the record Megyn Kelly is wrong, I don’t have anger management issues. I do have media bias issues!” Wonder if he was shouting while he wrote it.
–
Story out of Australia is that two beautiful young women who were contestants on the “The Bachelor” did indeed find love. With each other. Hmm, if this becomes a thing might increase U.S. men’s viewership.
–
All of this “repeal and replace” about Obamacare that the GOP is spouting. Of course what they don’t spout is that they want to replace it with nothing.
–
Trump says he’s going to spend over $100 million on his campaign before election day. Has someone told him he can’t take this loss off his taxes?
–
Trump today “I will never, ever take the African-American community for granted — unlike Hillary.”‘
Okay but while the Donald castigates Hillary for what she didn’t do in the Senate, why, with all his decades-old business empire can Trump not name a thing he has done as far as minority hiring and other outreach?
–
Donald Trump said last week that “I will reverse Obama’s executive orders & concessions towards Cuba.” Meaning besides travel that Cuban rum & cigars will become illegal again. Forget sexual assault, racism, healthcare etc, this might be the “trump” card for Hillary to woo white men.
–
From Alex Kaseberg “A youth football team was kicked out of its league in Rhode Island when they snuck a grown man into their lineup. Man, Johnny Manziel cannot catch a break.”
Folks I suppose became suspicious when the team beat the Browns.
–
–
From Paul Lander. Indeed, the gift that keeps on giving: “Happy 69th Birthday, @HillaryClinton. Don’t forget to send the Republican Party a thank you for the gift of nominating Trump.”
–
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bachelor jokes, Candlestick jokes, Cubs jokes, Gringrich jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Mets jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 1, 2016
For all my Canadian friends, Happy (now belated) Canada Day. For my American friends, might be important to remember July 1 matters up north, in case you were thinking of moving if Trump wins in November.
–
Bill Clinton met briefly but privately with Attorney General Loretta Lynch this week in Phoenix. And of course some allege that they might have talked about the email investigation.
So the former President was alone with a woman and the rumors aren’t about sex? How the mighty have fallen.
–
#Lakers signed #TimofeyMozgov to a $64 million contract. Even the #Dodgers think that’s overspending for mediocre talent.
–
OJ Mayo has been suspended from the NBA for 2 years for violating the league’s drug testing program. This is the same Mayo who played one year at USC, was ruled to have accepted improper benefits, got the school’s wins vacated and then entered the draft. Not that I am a Trojans fan but have to admire mean bitch Karma in delayed mode.
–
#Iceland has become so popular with their #EURO2016 run, if this keeps up some Americans will even learn to find it on a map.
–
One more thought for the day on Madison Bumgarner hitting. Now, he may not be the best hitter on the team by a longshot. But how many other pitchers do fans time their concession-bathroom-whatever breaks around making sure you don’t miss an at-bat? #SFGiants #PitcherswhoRake
–
And sure, all SF Giants fans knew the team would start off July with a win thanks to Grant Green, Jarrett Parker, and Conor Gillaspie.
–
Reports now indicate that Kevin Durant is “90% likely” to stay with the Thunder. So all of this media free-agent hype may be about as accurate as the supermarket tabloids regularly promising celebrity divorces.
–
At Machu Picchu, a man entered a restricted area, and asked someone to take his picture leaping in the air. He then leapt, fell of a cliff, and died. Not often you get a Darwin Award and an Incan sacrifice at the same time.
–
So has a team from #Cleveland lost since game 4 of the #NBAfinals? #Indians #Cavs
(my friend Richard Rothschild tells me, well, actually since before game 6.)
–
On Delta’s website today, fares from San Francisco to Detroit were apparently showing up for over $13,000 roundtrip, in coach. Well, that’s absurd. Who would ever think it would cost that much for a domestic airfare. Now by the time you add fees….maybe.
–
Trump spoke today in Denver following Sarah Palin. So he did that because after Palin there’s a CHANCE the Donald looks sane by comparison?
–
A Miami strip club bartender wanted to spend some time with a man who wasn’t her husband, so she told hubby she had been kidnapped. He called the cops, she got arrested. Uh, she couldn’t have found ONE friend to say it was a girls’ weekend? #Cantfixstupid #Butyoucanarreststupid
–
Now Al Qaeda and ISIS are both claiming credit for a hostage situation in Bangladesh. I do suppose it’s too much to hope that they might get mad enough to start shooting and bombing each other.
–
Donald Trump, on the Supreme Court’s 5-3 Texas abortion clinic ruling: “Now if we had—Scalia was living, or if Scalia was replaced by me, you wouldn’t have had that, OK? It would’ve been the opposite.”
Because 5-4 is the opposite of 5-3? The Donald is not only not qualified to be President, he’s not qualified to teach 2nd grade math.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Canada jokes, Clinton jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, mayo jokes, NBA jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 29, 2016
Former NFL star Ray Lewis’s son has been arrested for sexual assault. Can’t imagine how the young man grew up thinking he could get away with a serious crime.
–
Leremy Tunsil’s draft night nightmare is over, as he was finally picked by the Miami Dolphins. But it does remind many of us old farts again, how lucky we were not to grow up in a social media age.
–
In somewhat of a surprise move, the Cleveland Browns drafted USC QB Cody Kessler. Well, makes sense. Both the Browns and Trojans quarterbacks have had such impressive results in the NFL…. #sarcasm
–
Dee Gordon suspended 80 games for PEDS. So much for all those Bonds-bashers who “knew” he was dirty because of his size.
–
#LukeWalton is going to be new coach of #Lakers. Presume good $$ Well, at least he won’t have to deal with all this playoff pressure.
#LukeWalton, 36, is new #Lakers coach. Well, Luke was at that awkward age, too old to still be an assistant, too young to play for #Spurs
–
A New York pizzeria has introduces a pizza box made out of pizza, with a second pizza inside. Now THIS is a challenge for Pizza Rat.
A new ad in California goes after Cruz and Trump for being dangerous on climate change. Fine, except most potential Cruz and Trump voters don’t believe in climate change.
–
John Boehner called Ted Cruz a “miserable son of a bitch” and “Lucifer.” Can just imagine what Boehner would say if he had a chance to get to know Carly Fiorina.
=
Loved the Kevin Costner movie “Draft Day,” though it was no doubt unrealistic. On the other hand, if someone had submitted a script including this Laremy Tunsil story….it would have been rejected as completely unbelievable.
–
Roger Goodell on radio with Mike and Mike this morning on ESPN about the Tunsil situation. “I think it’s all part of what makes the draft so exciting.” Is the NFL commissioner trying to so be likable that Ted Cruz wants him on his campaign team?
–
Apparently protestors surrounded the hotel near San Francisco Airport where Donald Trump is speaking and disrupting traffic. Because making people miss planes is always a good way to get them on your side.
Poor Marissa Mayer. The Yahoo GEO got a $6 million pay cut last year. Although she still made $36 million. Sounds like Mayer is right on track to be fired and then run for office touting her Silicon Valley record of achievement.
–
from Marc Ragovin “After being slammed for calling a basketball hoop a “ring,” Ted Cruz said he would atone his mistake the way people do in his birth country, by spending two minutes in the penalty crate.”
As Dee Gordon’s suspension puts the shadow of steroids on baseball again, can we have a moment of reality? The difference between AAA ball, where a player probably won’t make $50k, and major league minimum of about $500,000, is huge. And that’s not even talking about the veteran multi-million dollar contracts.
So let’s see, a whole lot of scientists trying to make undetectable PEDs for the big bucks, and drug testers who probably make closer to minor league money. Who would you bet on?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: dee gordon jokes, draft jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, luke walton jokes, tunsil jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 16, 2016
Most worried #Warriors fans after the first day of the postseason. Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.
Since #Raptors are now 0-8 in #NBA playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?
–
If you didn’t recognize #DodgerStadium you’d know the #SFGiants #Dodgers game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.
–
Right about now the #Jazz must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the #Warriors. #NBAPlayoffs #sarcasm
–
Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the #Raptors losing in game one of the #NBAPlayoffs
–
Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many #SFGiants fans were crushed when #PabloSandoval left to sign with #RedSox
–
Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.
–
Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.
–
McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….
–
Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html
Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. #Dudewhensmyfestival?
A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.
If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”
–
–
So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?
–
Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?
In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, raptors jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 31, 2016
As the D’Angelo Russell videotape story grows, Lakers fans have to be thinking nostalgically back to the days when their team was just embarrassing ON the court.
–
The NCAA is apologizing for a “clerical error” which resulted in an “errant text” sent to South Carolina saying that they were had been selected for the men’s basketball tournament. No word on if such a text went to any other teams who didn’t really get in, like the Philadelphia 76ers.
–
The Red Sox have announced that Travis Shaw will start Opening Day at third base over Pablo Sandoval. The Panda’s response “It’s going to be difficult, but I have to be happy. [Shaw] has had a fantastic spring. I’ll just focus on working hard.”
Uh, if Sandoval had been focused on working hard, he’d probably be starting.
–
Mattel has apparently lost over $3 million that they wired in response to a fake email from China. Hmm. Wonder if it’s too late for the company to put the brakes on “Nigerian Princess Barbie?”
In Alabama, a husband and wife who both teach at the same private school were both arrested for having sex with students. Of course, being Alabama have to wonder how many people are going
–
Sarah Palin says her husband Todd is back home “on the couch” recovering from his snowmobile accident injuries. So is he helping her keep an eye on Russia?
So apparently Bachelor Ben and his fiancee Lauren are having issues. Ah for those more innocent days when train wrecks on reality TV would only result in broken hearts rather than potential leaders of the free world.
=
John Kasich today in a New York press conference listed “five things that continue to prove that Donald Trump is clearly not prepared to be President of the United States, commander in chief, leader of the free world.”
One of the easiest jobs in the world this fall, on the other hand, might be doing commercials for the Democratic Presidential nominee #workisbeingdoneforyou
–
Some days you wonder whether Donald Trump really wants to say “Just kidding, folks, I don’t want to be President.” On the subject of Muslims , he mentioned he had Muslim friends “”In most cases, they’re very rich Muslims, OK?” Then when Chris Matthews asked about them entering the U.S. “They’ll come in. And you’ll have exceptions.”
Right, because there’s no way ISIL could make a terrorist look rich?
(and my friend Tom Dodd points out that Osama Bin Laden came from a wealthy family.)
–
Another day, another random mass shooting in America. Think I’ve got this down: If the dead suspect is Muslim it’s terrorism, if he’s Christian, especially if he’s white, it’s mental illness.
–
Today’s first installment in “How low can you go” – aka the GOP Primary: Ted Cruz on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” about Trump “I were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw Donald in the backup camera, I’m not confident which pedal I would push.”
And the second from the GOP campaign
#howlowcanyougo, “Mr. Lovable,” Ted Cruz is having his campaign question John Kasich’s 500 signatures submitted to qualify for the Montana ballot., Yes, 500, and apparently Kasich submitted 622….
Ted Cruz won a court case in Pennsylvania challenging his US citizenship. Maybe because Canada now disowns him?
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, mattel jokes, primary jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 29, 2016
Nice “aww” story, A young boy ran on the basketball court in New Orleans to give Carmelo Anthony a hug. Of course, it could have ended badly – the kid could have dunked on the Knicks.
UConn women’s basketball team is so dominant, that it’s become controversial whether or not they are good for the sport. Perhaps after the season the Lady Huskies should be forced to play a team more on their level – like the Lakers. (or Knicks or Lakers)
–
The Pelicans had SEVEN injured players for their game against the Knicks Monday, and New Orleans still won, 99-91. Wow. Carmelo and the team didn’t need a hug for that performance, they needed a time-out.
–
The FBI is dropping their sui against Apple because they say they have cracked the San Bernandino terrorist’s iPhone. So they finally tried “password1234″” instead of “password123”?
–
Donald Trump’s campaign manager was charge with battery after an incident when he grabbed a woman reporter earlier this month. Although knowing Trump supporters they’ll probably just take it as a positive sign that the Donald will be tough on the media.
#DougFlutie‘s “Hail Mary” 1984 pass is almost as much of a miracle as the fact he’s gotten me to watch #DWTS
–
An Indian company. Bakeys, has developed edible, compostable cutlery, made of rice, millet and wheat, offered in sweet, savory, or plain flavors. The utensils even work for hot items, including soup. Only problem going forward in the U.S? At places like Taco Bell they may taste better than the food.
–
Wish this were the Onion: A company has reportedly come up with a handgun that looks like a Smartphone and unfolds to fire. #Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
–
R.I.P Patty Duke, 69. Does it mean you’re old when you remember when 69 was old.
–
In Northern California, a man who left his dog in his car when he had to spend a night in jail, has now pleaded no contest to animal cruelty and has been sentenced to 24 days MORE in jail. The sentence begins presumably after he finds a dogsitter?
–
A new app, Daily Joints, wants to be Tinder for marijuana users. With the added advantage that if it doesn’t work out, you don’t remember who you hooked up with anyway.
–
The NFL apparently wants a retraction from the New York Times about a story claiming concussion cases were omitted when the league downplayed the effects of head injuries on players.
Politico reports a letter sent from the NFL to the paper says the story is “false and defamatory.” Like the Pentagon Papers?
Are you listening, Susan Sarandon? Even the church of baseball has some absolutes.
There are rumors that several Cuban migrants who were rescued from a raft off the Florida coast with gunshot wounds may have shot themselves in order to be taken to U.S. hospitals and thus given asylum. And Trump really thinks a wall will stop desperate people?
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: DWTS jokes, fbi jokes, flutie jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, Lakers jokes, password jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 28, 2016
The #Lakers lost tonight to the #Jazz 123-75. So real question of the night – how did #LA ever beat the #Warriors?
#Texas women’s basketball team lost to #UConn “only” 86-65. So maybe a moral victory? Kind of like the Alamo? #MarchMadness
–
You think just MAYBE Roy Williams has his #UNC Tarheels doing drills on how to beat the press? #FinalFour #Syracuse
–
#Virginia lost 15 point lead to Syracuse yesterday in under 4 min. Cavaliers hadn’t suddenly looked that bad since 2007 when #Cleveland was swept by the #Spurs
–
Dirk Nowitzki, 37, told ESPN that he’s thought about playing beyond his contract that ends with Dallas in 2017. Well, by then Dirk might almost be old enough to sign with the Spurs.
Colts owner Jim Irsay is now saying of football “”I believe this: That the game has always been a risk, you know…. You take an aspirin and I take an aspirin. It might give you extreme side effects of illness and your body . . . may reject it, where I would be fine.”
Hmm, looks like not only can you get CTE from playing football, you can get it from owning a team.
–
A new biography says that Kris Jenner helped her daughter Kim Kardashian leak her sex tape. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.
–
All of these “urgent” fundraising emails saying “we’re almost at our goal.” Just once I would like to get an email saying “Thanks, we made our goal and we don’t need any money.” #wecandream
Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal, a Republican, vetoed a “religious freedom” bill that had many businesses, movie studios and even the NFL up in arms over it being discriminatory against LGBTs. He said the bill was “unnecessary,” and “allowed outsiders to cast doubt on the character of Georgia and Georgians.”
And guessing Deal had billion$ of other rea$on$.
–
Donald Trump, when asked on a Wisconsin radio about disparaging women “But certainly I never thought I would run for office.”
Right, so he gets a clean slate? But did he forgot about that 2000 campaign?
–
U.S. shooting suspect Larry Dawson apparently disrupted a Congressional hearing last fall, saying he was a “prophet of God.” And so he has been different from Ted Cruz how?
–
Another of those stories you can’t make up. Alabama Governor Robert Bentley denies an affair, despite recently released recordings where he talks about kissing his advisor and about her breasts. Well, Bentley’s a BIble-thumper kind of guy -so maybe he was reading her the Song of Solomon?
–
Anthony Weiner said to Huffington Post “I’m probably the best campaign politician you’ll ever interview. I mean, I’m like perfectly evolved. I’m like the Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator…”
Hmm, does that mean there’s a kid with one of his housekeepers somewhere?
–
From T.C. “A North Carolina man was arrested for failing to return a VHS rental tape from 14 years ago to a now defunct video store. The outstanding fine is $200. On top of that, there’s a 50 cent fee if he didn’t rewind it.”
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Irsay jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, March madness jokes, robert bentley jokes, Syracuse jokes, Trump jokes, virginia jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 7, 2016
Peyton Manning apparently will announce his retirement Monday. Presumably from outside a Papa John’s store with a case of Budweiser?
–
Forget Megyn Kelly. If we really want to make the men behave could Lady Mary or Dowager Countess moderate next #GOPDebate? #DowntonAbbey
–
Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are. promising an issue-filled debate tonight. And millions of Americans are thinking “where’s the fun in that
#Bernie and #Hillary actually got a little contentious in tonight’s debate. GOP watchers were thinking “Wimps, where are the real insults, where are the d*ck jokes?”
–
Bernie Sanders’ best line of the debate was talking about increasing mental health funding “and if you saw last week’s GOP debate, you know we need it.”
So when #JustinTrudeau gets done with being Canada’s Prime Minister can we borrow him?
–
Love at 1st sight or at least 1st inning for #SFGiants fans: Jeff Samardzija strikes out Crawford, Pederson and Puig
Was at a party this afternoon and afterwards checked online to see how by much the #Warriors beat the #Lakers and #WTF?
Today, was actually the first time an NBA team wore equipment to honor a live and active player, the Lakers wore special socks Bryant-themed socks with No. 2 on the right sock and No. 4 on the left.
–
Somewhere the Yankees and Derek Jeter are going “why didn’t we think of something like that”?
–
Reports are that Gregg #Popovich is looking into ordering a really big box of #KobeBryant socks #Warriors #Spurs #NBAplayoffs
–
RIP Nancy Reagan. Wonder if it was all these candidates hijacking her husband’s party that killed her. #whoknewReaganwouldlookmoderate?
–
Increasingly looking like the real #Florida joke is #MarcoRubio #GOPPrimary
–
Give #Trump credit, his promises may be empty where most of the country is concerned. But he sure has helped make #SNL great again.
–
United’s CEO Oscar Munoz is returning to work after an October heart attack and surgery – a medical leave of five months. Curiously enough, that’s about the same amount of time the airline thinks is reasonable to find your luggage.
–
John Kasich has fired his campaign’s deputy digital director Blake Waggoner after it was reported he was arrested in Nov. 2015 after a woman accused him of choking her and punching her in the back. Sounds like the only adult in the GOP room hasn’t been paying enough attention to what his kids were doing.
Caityn Jenner, complaining about Hillary Clinton: “She couldn’t care less about women. She cares about herself.” So did Jenner make the comments while she was volunteering at something? No, on her reality show “I am Cait.”
–
From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg – “Astronaut Scott Kelley returned after a year in space to find Madonna on tour, a Clinton running for president and the police testing OJ Simpson’s knife and he said;
“Stop screwing around. What year is it really?”
–
Categories: debate jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Peyton Manning jokes, sanders jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 29, 2015
Thursday was National Cat Day. And cats are thinking, uh, EVERY day is National Cat D
–
In South Africa this week, a lion attacked a party of five men hunting illegally, killing one man and two dogs. Apparently mean bitch Karma also wanted to celebrate National Cat Day.
–
Ironic that on #NationalCatDay the GOP has elected a new Cat Herder #PaulRyan
–
There are arguments over who won yesterday’s GOP debate. But it seems to me the real winners are obvious- anyone who chose to watch the World Series instead.
–
Really? There are are headlines about Farrah Abraham, who apparently has a sex tape and was on “Teen Mom,” now sharing her third boob job on the internet. It’s enough to make you long for the intellectualism of the Kardashians..
–
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on the 2015-16 Lakers: “I think they’ll surprise people and I’ll expect them to make the playoffs at least.” Quick, can someone check Kareem for concussions?
In New York City, a new law says people applying for jobs will no longer be required to disclose a criminal history, What, were they having problems finding enough applicants to staff Wall Street?
–
Walmart is rolling out their first big holiday sale this weekend. So what’s next, Black Halloween?
–
Don Mattingly is new #Marlins manager . But really, shouldn’t job title be “Interim manager?” With Marlins they’rel ALL interim managers.
The NFL had a town meeting Thursday on potentially moving the Raiders to Los Angeles. Right about now SF Bay Area fans are thinking – could you take the 49ers instead?
–
The NBA is partnering with Kia to put a Kia Motors Crop. logo on player jerseys for the next two All-Star games. Right, because when you think of a car that would be driven by very wealthy very tall men you think of Kia.
–
Not a fan of the new Speaker of the House and fully expect he will make me angry in short order. But on the other hand, all these fundraising emails with the headline “Stop Paul Ryan”, can we at least wait until he tries to do something before we “stop” him? #bipartisandreaming
Not that the #Bush brothers don’t love each other. But isn’t there a chance that somewhere W. is sitting back smirking “Now who’s the dumb one?
–
Chef Anthony Bourdain said today, that “every restaurant in America would shut down” if Donald Trump won the Presidency,” because restaurants rely so much on immigrant labor. Yet another fool who thinks that if Trump somehow won he would actually honor his campaign rhetoric. #Trumphotelsandconstructionprojectsneedimmigrantlabortoo
–
An Uber driver in St. Petersburg, FL, was arrested after he apparently traded a prostitute a ride for oral sex. Talk about surge pricing.
–
CNBC had a bad night with the GOP debate, no question. But with all these GOP candidates calling for substantive questions and dealing with major serious issues, which of them wants to be the first to say “Enough on Benghazi and arguing over what Planned Parenthood did with fetal tissue”?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cat jokes, GOP jokes, Kia jokes, Lakers jokes, NFL jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 5, 2015
There are now rumors that Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is thinking of running for President. No word yet on a timetable, as Schultz knows it’s a venti decision.
–
For SF Giants fans who really miss Pablo Sandoval, rookie Matt Duffy does have this cat. Skeeter. Not photoshopped. Maybe SF Giants fans need Skeeter hats?
–
Shelby Tomlinson and Matt Duffy apparently were housemates at AA Richmond last year. The two of them together might have equaled one Panda.
–
Kobe Bryant says the Lakers “absolutely” can make the playoffs this year. The NBA playoffs? Or the NCAA tournament?
–
CVS says they will no longer include Viagra in its list of drug insurance benefits. The drugstore chain presumably thought it it wasn’t a hard decision.
–
Bill GM Doug Whaley said that Buffalo is “almost in quarterback purgatory” because the team do not have a franchise quarterback. And Jets fans after the last few years are thinking “Hmm, purgatory is a step up from hell.”
–
Some outrage over a hospital picture of Bobbi Kristina being on the cover of the National Enquirer. Alas probably the biggest outrage from competing media who didn’t get the photo.
–
Whole Foods has pulled $5.99 bottles of “asparagus water” from the shelves of a store in California, saying the items were a mistake. Nope, the mistake would have been actually buying the water.
–
So Carly Fiorina, despite being the only woman running for the GOP presidential nomination, is polling about 1% and will not be eligible for the first debate. 1%? Who knew most of the Republican electorate knows someone who worked at Hewlett Packard?
–
Teachers unions are demanding an apology after Chris Christie said they deserve “a punch in the face.” In the N.J. Governor’s defense, maybe people will believe him if he says he was talking about punch and cookies.
–
A U.S.Circuit Court of Appeals struck down a Texas law requiring residents to show ID before voting, saying it violates the Voting Rights Act. They’ll never please everyone, but maybe Texas could just write a law with the exact same requirements to vote as to buy a gun?
–
So the man who was shot and killed by police in a Nashville theater after attacking patrons, apparently had only been able to obtain pepper spray, a hatchet, and an air gun. So where’s the NRA on this one? #Ifonlyhehadbeenarmed
–
From Bill Littlejohn “Yasiel Puig credits videogames with helping to end his slump. Although fellow Dodgers are complaining about him flipping the joystick.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, debate jokes, duffy jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Starbucks jokes, Viagra jokes, Whole Foods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 22, 2015
TLC has apparently cancelled “19 Kids and Counting.”
And from the Duggar family, this direct quote from Josh’s statement. “I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”
HIS life? But hey, the girls he molested, they would grow up fine with enforced future purity and “side hugs” #sickpuppy
Waiting for the first owners of a small business to say it goes against their religious values to bake a cake for a Duggar family wedding. #duggars
Bus to hell moment. Wonder if the “19 kids” in the title referred to Josh’s tally.
–
Some times the best quotes come from the oddest places. This is from Mama June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo’s mom, whose family TLC show was canceled last fall after reports that she was dating a convicted child molester. “”I read that the Duggar family said this happening with their son brought them closer to God and each other. So they’re saying it’s ok to have family touch time? Hell no.”
Seahawks’ DE Michael Bennett says that playing for coach Pete Carroll “is like playing for Willy Wonka.” Well, except for at the end of the movie, Willy Wonka handed off the factory.
–
Michael Sam has signed with the CFL Alouettes and says he wants to bring a Grey Cup to Montreal. Give Sam credit, at least he knows what the Grey Cup is.
The San Francisco 49ers and San Diego Chargers first preseason game Sept 3 at Levi’s Stadium is now on Goldstar for half-price. But many fans may want to wait to see how much the teams will offer to pay them to show up.
–
Chris Christie now says the media owes him an apology over Bridgegate. Or what, he’ll close New Jersey Transit so they can’t get to work?
–
Disney World is trying to crack down on people who use selfie-sticks on rides at their theme parks. Ah, for a machine that could just randomly grab sticks while rides are in operation and throw them and their users off…
Kyrie Irving was out for Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals with left knee tendinitis. Sounds like we are getting ever closer to an NBA version of that baseball cartoon, with LeBron James channeling Bugs Bunny and playing all the positions.
–
LA GM Mitch Kupchak says the 2015-16 season will be Bryant’s last with the Lakers “He has indicated to me that this is it.” Kobe has one year and $25 million left on his contract. So is Bryant retiring? Or just not happy with the idea of actually being paid in future for what he is now worth.
–
From Marc Ragovin; “Pete Townshend turned 70 the other day. So now instead of singing “Who Are Your?” it’s “Who Am I?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Christie jokes, Disney jokes, Duggar jokes, Duggarfamily jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, TLC
Comments: Be the first to comment
May 21, 2015
Okay, this is a bit harsh. And the SF Giants know as well as any team how meaningless the regular season can be when you get to the playoffs. But who says American ingenuity is dead? From the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Wikipedia page:
Clayton Kershaw on the pitch that Madison Bumgarner hit for a home run. “It was a fastball right down the middle. I should have respected him a little more.” Well, since Madbum hit four last year, maybe Kershaw should have just watched a little tape.
–
There are only 18 players in MLB who have homered off of both Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke. One of them is Madison “Babe” Bumgarner.
–
Well, on the bright side for the #LADodgers, they had no wear-and-tear on their bats in 3 games at AT&T Park. #sweep #3shutouts #SFGiants
–
Aaron Hernandez, serving a life sentence and now on trial for witness intimidation, apparently has a new tattoo and will “face discipline” for it. So what, they are going to lock the former Patriot away for two lifetimes?
–
Brewers’ relief pitcher Will Smith was ejected tonight for allegedly having pine tar on his arm. He said it was a mixture of rosin and sunscreen that he forgot to remove before coming in. Once again I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
–
Many complain that raising minimum wage will result in higher costs. But as USA TODAY reports, while McDonalds’ workers are pushing for a $15 hourly minimum wage, top executives at the company average $1220 an hour. Where’s the outrage over what THAT adds to the cost of a hamburger
–
The Duggar parents from “19 Kids and Counting” are rallying behind their son Josh, 27, after it has come out that he molested several girls when he was a teenager: “Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God.” Wonder if they’d be as supportive if one of their children simply came out as gay?
–
Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has come out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana. Well, leaving aside the taxation and use-of- police-time issues, Philly fans need all the ways to mellow out they can get.
–
Kobe Bryant’s tweet on the Laker’s good luck in the NBA lottery. “We played like crap all season so it’s only right we get the #2 pick HA #lakerluck #goodday” Well, and if the team only wasn’t paying $24 million to one over-the-hill player…..
–
Bus to hell time. The world’s largest Disney Store opened in Shanghai and shoppers lined up for over a mile to get in. Sort of the Chinese equivalent of a school crafts fair where adults rush to buy what their children have made?
–
The FCC apparently has gotten 22 complaints from viewers watching golf on TV over bad language. And 15 of those involved Tiger Woods. Well, this might mean Tiger’s outbursts are in a different league. Or it might mean he’s the only golfer most people watch.
–
At Charlotte’s airport. a man who was angry about his flight being overbooked stripped naked in protest. And airlines are thinking, hmm… less weight, less fuel issues. Can we start having a clothing surcharge?
–
Citicorp, Barclays, JPMorgan Chase and the Royal Bank of Scotland have pleaded guilty to rigging the currency markets in 2008 and will pay collectively more than $5 billion in penalties. And you thought your banking fees were high NOW.
–
So apparently that shoot out in Waco, Texas started over a parking dispute. Many women heard that and are thinking “And they weren’t even Christmas shopping?
From T.C. “NFL.com is refusing to take orders for personalized jerseys with the name “DEFLATOR” on the back. How about “SSSSSSSSSSS””
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, airport jokes, Disney jokes, Dodgers jokes, Duggar jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
January 4, 2015
Sarah Palin, in response to criticism over her posting a picture of her six year-old son using the family Labrador retriever as a step-stool. “”Chill, At least Trig didn’t eat the dog.” Didn’t realize that was an option.
–
Kobe Bryant said that he thinks European basketball players “are just way more skillful, They are just taught the game the right way at an early age. ..We really have to address that. We have to teach our kids to play the right way.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were an option for players in the U.S like some years of college..
–
In Arkansas, a group known as the Knights, formerly “the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan”, bought a billboard promoting “whiteprideradio.com.” What, they were upset about Florida getting all the headlines?
–
Not a big Ravens fan, but having a very hard time seeing how any woman can root for Ben Rothlisberger. Or any man with daughters.#BALvsPIT
–
The Ravens did survive a 12 men on the field penalty during a Steelers field goal attempt. And they made the mistake another time that the officials didn’t catch. Who says football players don’t need to take math classes?
–
Meanwhile, nomination for NFL Understatement of the year?. Cam Newton, on the Panthers’ win “It wasn’t pretty at times.”
–
Only thing worse than the Panthers and Cardinals teams’ play in their NFL playoff game were all the ambulance-chasing lawyers ads during breaks.
–
Happiest people not in Charlotte watching Cardinals-Panthers game had to be the Seahawks and Packers. both praying they get to play the winner.
–
–
That Georgia police chief is now saying he shot his wife in his sleep. And Oscar Pistorius is going “Why didn’t I think of that?”
–
Mike Huckabee is leaving Fox News while he decides whether or not to run for President again. But viewers can look forward to his return, as soon as the former Arkansas governor is eliminated in the primaries.
–
Some grumbling over President Obama having a couple expensive dinners in Hawaii, one at a private club and another at NOBU. Of course, had the Obamas gone to a reasonably priced restaurant or a casual chain the same folks would have complained about him ruining dinner plans for average Americans.
–
From T.C. The SEC announces its two newest schools. SEC West welcomes Oregon and SEC East Ohio St.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Big Ben jokes, Cardinals jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, NFL playoff jokes, NFL wildcard jokes, Palin jokes, Panthers jokes, Ravens jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 13, 2014
Give this woman a medal: Thieves stealing packages off doorsteps is an increasing problem in the US. And a D.C. woman got fed up with things she had ordered for the holidays being swiped, so she filled a box with poop from her two dogs and left it on her porch. And yes, a surveillance camera shows a man taking it. Alas no camera shows him opening it.
–
What a country. Our newest tourist attraction opening December 20? “Machine Gun America.” It will feature 50 different firearms and 10 fire lanes, Open to customers who are 13 and over. And yeah, you guessed it, Florida.
–
Well, then, what’s the problem? Justice Antonin Scalia, when asked about the Citizens United decision: “the amount of money that is spent on all elections — state, local and federal — in the United States, is less than what women spend on cosmetics for a year, OK?” #sohowdowegetSupremeCourttermlimit
–
Hawaii is trying to lure the Obama Presidential Library with the offer of a location on the beach. Some Republicans are appalled, saying it would be just like President Obama to build his library in a foreign location
–
#Lakers upset #Spurs. I think I see a new marketing campaign ahead for #Charmin. #KobeBryant
–
Bears offensive coordinator Aaron Kromer apologized for being the source behind a negative story about Jay Cutler, but denied telling the NFL Network that Chicago had “buyer’s remorse” about the QB’s $126 million contract. Gosh, Kromer sounds so credible you have to wonder if he’s angling to someday be NFL commissioner.
–
Junior Kentucky forward Alex Poythress tore an ACL in practice yesterday and will miss the rest of the season. Sad and a bit shocking, Kentucky had an actual junior on its team?
–
Some media experts are conceding 2015 World Series title to #Dodgers. Guess they figure LA will be defending their predicted 2014 title?
–
Regarding those leaked emails between the Sony co-chairs, surely they are firing offenses. Not even for the racism. But for being stupid enough to say those sorts of things in written emails.
–
Oklahoma State dismissed WR Tyreek Hill from the football team following his arrest for allegedly chocking and punching his pregnant girlfriend. Hill, a junior, ranked 2nd nationally with 996 combined kick return yards. and 11th with 150.9 all-purpose yards per game. So wonder how long before he is offered a second chance with FSU or an SEC team?
–
I’m sure all the lower and middle-class voters who elected a GOP Congress this month will be heartened to see that one of the first ways they flexed their new muscles was a rider on a spending bill to lessen the regulatory burdens on our nation’s long suffering banks. #sarcasm
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bears jokes, Christmas jokes, Florida jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Sony jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 10, 2014
Magic Johnson says he hopes the Lakers lose every game for the rest of the year so the team can get a high draft pick. “”Because if you’re going to lose, lose. I’m serious.” What a nice warm fuzzy message for this year’s season ticket holders.
–
Pitcher Jon Lester says he chose the Chicago Cubs over the SF Giants because the income tax rate in Illinois is 5%, and it’s $13.3% in California. Well, makes sense. On only $155 million over 6 years he really needs to feed his family.
(And his children’s family, and his grand-children’s family, and his great-grandchildren’s family.)
–
And of course, in Chicago, Lester won’t have to pay taxes on playoff winnings.
–
Jon Lester may be reunited with his friend Jake Peavy in Chicago. Peavy has a duck boat and cable car from his last two World Series wins, apparently if the Cubs win the World Series he and Lester both plan to buy flying pigs.
–
Meanwhile in SF, Giants fans’ attitude will be going from “wow, how cool would he look with Madbum in the rotation?” to “Just as well, it’s insane to pay any 31 year old pitcher $155 million for six years.”
–
And in Oakland, the Athletics have now traded Jeff Samardzija to the White Sox. How are the As ever going to decide on bobbleheads for 2014-15 when there’s a good chance any “name” player they have will be gone before his giveaway day?
–
Weather forecasters in the SF Bay project over 20 foot waves during a “storm of the decade” that is supposed to hit this Thursday and Friday, Suppose it would be tacky to start a pool on the number of potential Darwin Award winners.
–
A woman flying on Southwest from San Francisco to Phoenix went into labor and gave birth on the plane, which was then diverted to Los Angeles. Good thing it was Southwest, United, American and Delta would all have charged her for another seat.
–
Johnny Manziel will start at QB Sunday for Cleveland. The rookie QB may not get the team to the playoffs, but he will make the Browns a top story on Sportcenter…
–
Prince William, who is 6’3″, flew on a commercial US Airways shuttle from NY to DC Monday. He did, however, fly first class. Perhaps having told his staff, “I may be the ‘people’s prince’ but I’m not crazy.”
–
Korean Air announced that their chairman’s daughter, an executive with the airline, has resigned after ordering a senior flight attendant off the plane for serving her macadamia nuts in a bag, not on a plate. Americans are stunned by this story… an airline actually serves expensive macadamia nuts?
–
Cam Newton sustained back fractures but apparently escaped serious injury when his car was hit Tuesday in Charlotte. No word on the other driver, but certainly wasn’t a Saints player. Last week they proved they couldn’t hit anyone
–
Facebook is working on an AI digital assistant that will warn people posting “questionable” photo uploads, it would say something like “Uh, this is being posted publicly. Are you sure you want your boss and your mother to see this?” Of course, if a “friend”, relative or colleague is posting a such picture of you, this might encourage them to post more.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Darwin jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Lester jokes, Southwest jokes, storm jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 21, 2014
Mike Golic of ESPN’s “Mike and Mike” recreated the nearly nude Kim Kardashian pose after he lost a bet when Northwestern beat Notre Dame. For the sake of humanity, nobody make that same bet with John Madden.
–
Two male Country Music stars announced they were gay yesterday. Of course, we’ll know this is REALLY a trend when a closeted gay man dates Taylor Swift, then comes out, and she writes a song about it.
–
A new small town playground was going to have Winnie the Pooh as a mascot until some conservative council members said Pooh was a bad choice because he’s of of ”dubious sexuality”, “half naked” and ”inappropriately dressed.” And proving we don’t have a monopoly on such stupidity in the the U.S., this was in Poland.
–
Charles Woodson was ready to come to blows with at least one of his own teammates after their celebrations late in the 4th quarter cost the Raiders a time out and could have cost them the game. Fortunately for the future HOF safety, a 4th quarter lead for Oakland isn’t likely to come again this season.
–
John Boehner plans to sue President Obama’s, nominally over Obamacare, but really over his executive order on immigration. So where was this GOP outrage when George W. Bush issued 291 of the things? And when Reagan issued 372?
A man is reported he got hit with a $1,171 Internet bill on a Singapore Airlines flight from London to Singapore. Travelers reading this story are appalled. U.S. Airlines reading it are thinking “How do we do that?”
–
Mississippi State safety Justin Cox has apparently been suspended following an “incident” – i.e.an arrest for aggravated domestic violence and burglary Friday morning. Who says the Bulldogs aren’t in the ranks of elite college programs?
–
Kobe Bryant says stars signing hometown-discount contracts are “a big coup” for owners, and “absolutely brilliant, but I’m not going for it.” And then Kobe presumably went back to bitching about how jealous he is off Tim Duncan for the Spurs’ team continuity…..
Al Qaeda says that ISIS is “spilling inviolable blood under the excuse of expanding the Islamic State.” and “going too far.” You know, when Al Qaeda says you’re going too far, you probably REALLY are going too far.
The NFL is making tickets for Monday night’s game in Detroit between the NY Jets and Buffalo Bills available free. Wonder how many sports fans are holding out to see what the league might pay them.
–
T.C. riding the bus to hell. “Authorities in Thailand intercepted a courier package containing human parts that was destined for the United States. It contained a head, heart and a foot. An anonymous spokesperson for the Washington Redskins said they would be interested if an arm was included.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, country music jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Mike Golic jokes, Raiders jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 18, 2014
Rumor has it that the Padres are actually interested in Pablo Sandoval. Talk about a potential waste. Has someone told San Diego ownership that the Panda only hits well in the postseason?
MLB’s collective bargaining agreement states teams cannot penalize a team for weight. But a new report says the Boston Red Sox would offer Pablo Sandoval a contract with bonuses for keeping his weight down. Because that worked so well with Big Papi?
–
Next promotion for the Lakers? A giveaway of Jack Nicholson style sunglasses. To enhance the experience for fans the glasses will reportedly be opaque.
–
An Australian news show host decided to prove a point about the way his female colleagues were treated over their clothes and appearance, and decided to wear the same suit every day until someone noticed.. After a year Stefanovic has not only proved his point, – no one noticed – millions of men no doubt consider him a hero.
–
A beagle in Texas saw his owner being taken away in an ambulance, and jumped aboard, riding on the side step for 25 miles to the hospital. Meanwhile no doubt the house cat used the opportunity to snag some extra food.
–
The Crown Princess has had their second outbreak of Norovirus in six months, bringing the total number of sickened passengers over 300. Wonder how many thousands of Americans may be so upset by the news that they postpone their flu shots?
–
After Sunday’s 5 interceptions that gave the game to the #49ers, should the #NYGiants Eli Manning register as a 501 (c) (3) charity?
–
Will Muschamp apparently has been told he will not return as Florida’s coach next season. Well, Muschamp did accomplish one notable thing in his tenure, he made Gator fans miss Ron Zook.
–
The DEA did surprise inspections yesterday of the 49ers, Seahawks and Buccaneers for possible prescription drug abuse. In the last case, was this the first time ever someone thought it might have required drugs to beat the Redskins?
–
When Candlestick Park is demolished, the area will house a 500,000-square-foot “urban outlet” shopping center. Presume it will be a great place to buy warm coats?
–
The Sacramento Kings filed a protest over a last second 111-110 loss to the Grizzlies on a buzzer beater last week, saying the clock had run out. This in a game where the Kings blew a 26 point lead. Two things. 1- Who really thinks a single regular season NBA game matters? 2. Does Sacramento really want to do anything to remind fans of blowing a 26 point lead?
Bus to hell moment from Bill Littlejohn “Jose Canseco wants to sell the finger that he blew off with a gun.John Wayne Bobbitt commented, ‘Don’t ask.'”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Manning jokes, Muschamp jokes, norovirus jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 14, 2014
Why there is no satire, NBA division. Kobe Bryant on the Spurs. “I don’t know if I can express to you how jealous I am of the fact that Tim, Tony Manu and Pop have been together for all those years”. Bryant’s salary for 2014 – $23 million. Duncan $10 million, Parker $12 million.
#iwoulddoanythingforlovebutiwontdothat
–
Prince WIlliam and Kate are coming to the U.S. for a three day visit December. Some Americans don’t see all the fuss over a couple people who just happen to be part of a Royal family. Wonder if the dignitaries meeting their Highnesses will include Bill and Hillary Clinton, and both former President Bushes?
–
The Department of Energy loan guarantee program, famous for the Solyndra default, has actually started turning a PROFIT on its $34.2 billion in loans, as some companies are becoming successful and paying money back. So where’s all the GOP blame for Obama?
–
The 0-8 Philadelphia 76ers,, who just lost by 53 to the Dallas Maverickst, are making a strong bid to become the worst NBA team ever. Sadly, even if they run the table, this team probably couldn’t even win the draft lottery.
–
Dick Vitale, 75, said “My goal is to be the first broadcaster in the history of broadcasting to work at a game when I’m 100 years old.” And somewhere Vin Scully just giggled.
–
The NBA has released pictures of this year’s Christmas uniforms, which will feature team logos on the front, first names of players on the back, and will be sold by Adidas for $110. Except presumably for the Lakers jerseys, which will cost twice as much and break down after a few wearings.
The NFL fined NY Jets coach Rex Ryan $100,000 for profanity after his team beat the Steelers. Well, if winning generates that kind of outburst at least Rex won’t be out of pocket too much the rest of this season.
–
There’s going to be a musical based on the reality show “Duck Dynasty.” “The Duck Commander Family Musical” will open in Las Vegas next February. Just the thing for those straight male rednecks who have been waiting for THEIR Broadway show. Both of them.
And have to wonder, will the Robertson’s put a “morality” clause on sexual orientation for actors…? If so, hope they’re planning on a one or two man show.
–
–
Former Chicago Mayor Jane Byrne has passed away. She leaves quite a legacy – the first woman mayor of the city, and one of the few Illinois leaders never to have been arrested.
–
Starting to get emails and banner ads about “The 117th Big Game between Stanford and Cal” on November 22.” Of course, the time isn’t set yet. Because nothing says how important a rivalry game is like a “TBA” on the schedule for television. Sigh.
–
An Alabama high school teacher has been arrested and charged with three sexual incidents with students in six months. Think she took being a physically education teacher a bit too seriously?
From Alex Kaseberg “Chicago Bear receiver, Brandon Marshall, upset by a remark made about his mother, challenged one of his twitter followers $25,000 to fight him. Bears QB Jay Cutler threw out the same challenge, but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: age jokes, Bears jokes, Dick Vitale jokes, Jets jokes, Lakers jokes, NBA jokes, NFL jokes, Princess William jokes, Vin Scully jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 