Posted tagged ‘debate jokes’
September 12, 2019
Reports are that NFL prefers to move ‘quickly’ on whether or not to suspend Antonio Brown. Of course, so he can be ready to rejoin Patriots for the playoffs.
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USA lost again in FIBA World Cup – Of the 35 players originally selected for the U.S. player pool, only four are playing in China.
So we’ve actually found something many NBA star players care less about than the regular season?
Justin Verlander now has 2981 strikeouts in his career. Asked about reaching 3,000 strikeouts this season: “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know where I was at. It’s kind of on the back burner, I guess. I’m aware of it. I try not to focus on it too much, but it’d be pretty cool to get to it this year, for sure.”
Bonus points for not saying “Really, I had no clue. I’m just trying to help the team.”
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Sam Darnold has mono and the Jets can kiss off their season.
US Customs and Border patrol is now giving 1 year extensions of their Global Entry trusted traveler program for members who renew, because they are so backlogged due in part to the “ripple effect of partial government shutdown and the response to the southwest border.”
Do we feel safer?
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Maybe we’re going about this gun control thing all wrong. Maybe actually to get something done by Trump White House we just need Barack Obama to post a picture of himself with an AR-15.
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Andrew Yang was complaining that tonight’s debate was badly scheduled for football fans. Right about now voters in North Carolina who watched Panthers-Bucs are probably wishing they’d watched debate instead.
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This may p*ss some Democrats off. But watching those 10 on stage tonight made me think there’s a good President (and VP) among them. And that we don’t need any other candidates.
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Because the way for Joe Biden to say he wasn’t old was to talk about a record player?
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Amy Kobluchar “Bernie wrote the bill, I read the bill.”
Writing? Reading? Waiting for Trump to call them elitist.
Meanwhile Trump in Baltimore “earlier today, my administration formally repealed the horrible, dangerous, anti-everything waters of the United States rule.”
And “Let’s say the history of our country over the last 25 years. I would say they probably had cleaner water, cleaner air because there was nobody here.”
#VoteBlueNoMatterWho2020
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NFL jokes
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October 19, 2016
So a close call at the plate in the Dodgers Cubs game got millions of Americans outraged before debatenight even gets started.
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Meanwhile the debate ended up being about as close as the NLCS Game 4 final score.
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The @Indians might just be the best baseball team America has never heard of. @ALCS
All these people claiming Trump is acting like a child clearly didn’t discipline their children enough.
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Admittedly Hillary Clinton had a huge advantage tonight. As a woman she’s had years of experience keeping a straight face listening to men say crazy shit.
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A major U.S. Presidential candidate just said that he “will look at it at the time” regarding accepting the result of election. It’s about time to set up wind turbines atop the graves of our Founding Fathers.
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Okay, so who’s going to be the first to make & sell #nastywoman t-shirts?
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“Why should you vote for me for President?” Because I will accept election results & am not bat-shit crazy. Hillary Clinton .
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Does Trump realize that with all the Senators he has offended they might not want to confirm his Supreme Court nominees either?
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Trump as sure that Hillary got women to step forward to accuse him as he is sure Russia has had nothing to do with hacking.
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All across America millions of people sitting back, pouring large drinks & saying “Did he REALLY say that about election?”
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Somewhere @AlecBaldwin is getting carpal tunnel syndrome as he frantically tries to keep up taking notes for this week’s #SNL #debatenight
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Wouldn’t we all pay big $$$ to see #Wikileaks leak what #Trump‘s staff says about him behind HIS back?
“Donald thinks that belittling women makes him bigger.” Line of the night #YouGoGirl #YouGoMadamePresident
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So can we call #DonaldTrump the first true Creamsicle Presidential Candidate? Orange on the outside, really white on the inside.
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Ohio Gov. John Kasich today: “To say that elections are rigged and all these votes are stolen, that’s like saying we never landed on the moon. That’s how silly it is.” Wait for Trump tomorrow to tweet that the moon landing was a hoax.
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Condi Rice was asked in an email by CNN’s KFILE if she has a response to Donald Trump in a 2006 speech when he said “Condoleezza Rice, she’s a lovely woman, but I think she’s a bitch”
Her response: “Exactly. Can’t wait until November 9!”
Not often I say this about Rice, but #YouGoGirl.
In a recent poll, 60 percent of Americans supported the legalization of pot. And 20 percent more probably responded “Dude, what was that question again?”
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Kenyan-born #MalikObama got a front-row seat to debate. So @realDonaldTrump just using another immigrant to take something from Americans.
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NFL ratings are down over 11% this year. Owners are scrambling to explain it with things like the Presidential election being a distraction. And it’s possible the concussion issue is turning people off. Or maybe America has figured out there are just a lot of lousy teams.
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Dez Bryant says he cut two fingers on his hand slicing carrots for soup. Amazing. Who knew Dez Bryant cooked?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Condoleezza Rice jokes, debate jokes, debate night jokes, nasty woman jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 8, 2016
Good news for San Francisco Bay Area sports fan. Soon with the 49ers season starting they’ll only expect to see one ugly loss a week.
When Posey got a two-out double after first two SF Giants made outs on the first pitch in 9th, Kruk said that we didn’t have to worry about Casilla because he was “now back in his regular rhythm.”
Uh, that’s what Giants fans were afraid of.
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Announced today #MattDuffy to have season-ending surgery with #Rays. Tonight’s #Casilla-started 9th sure felt season-ending for #SFGiants
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Atlanta Braves manager John Coppolella said there was “no risk” in signing Tim Tebow::”It’s similar to when Michael Jordan or others have wanted to play. It’s positive to draw this kind of interest to the game and make it a story because it’s good for baseball.”
He didn’t add “and how long has it been since ANYONE showed any interest in the Braves?
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Colin Kaepernick today said he would donate all the money he gets from his now-top selling NFL jersey “back into the communities.”
Is it just me or has the 49ers backup QB appeared to have grown up in a hurry after that first protest?
Roger Goodell on Kaerpernick: “we believe very strongly in patriotism in the NFL.. I think it’s important to have respect for our country, for our flag, for the people who make our country better; for law enforcement..,”
“For law enforcement.” That’s why so many players work so hard at keeping so many police officers busy?
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Art Briles, after being fired as football coach of Baylor over several sexual assault scandals involving players. “Hey, I made some mistakes. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m gonna learn. I’m gonna do better.”
Better at disciplining his players or better at keeping them from getting caught?
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Ryan Lochte, who already lost his four endorsement contracts, has now been suspended by USA swimming for 10 months. Talk about a high-priced pay toilet.
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Tiger Woods says he will return to competitive golf in October at the Safeway Open in Napa. Makes sense, then Tiger can go wine-tasting on his weekend off.
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So why did #Apple get rid of their iPhone jack? Might be 3 words – “cordless $159 earphones. #AppleEvent
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President Obama apparently met informally with Philippine President Duterte today, despite Duterte’s earlier disrespectful insults. Well, guess Obama has had plenty of practice with this sort of thing with Congress.
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A 17-year old Louisiana girl vented on social media “‘Just left albertsons. The woman behind the cake counter just refused to make me a birthday cake because I wanted “Trump 2016″ on it…” The store said it wasn’t about politics but for fear of being sued for copyright infringement with the logo.
Inclined to believe Albertson’s, Louisiana is not exactly a blue state. But allowing for the possibility of the decorator think that Trump is not a good Christian and she didn’t want to make the cake, where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?
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Donald Trump on Phyllis Schlafly “She was a patriot, a champion for women…” Some statements can’t possibly be topped with a punchline.
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Donald Trump tonight “Under the leadership of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton the generals have been reduced to rubble, reduced to a point where it is embarrassing for our country.”
But earlier today the Donald said that on day one of his Presidency, ““We are going to convey my top generals and give them a simple instruction They will have 30 days to submit to the Oval Office a plan for soundly and quickly defeating ISIS. We have no choice.”
These quotes are verbatim – so just wondering, how does Trump plan to FIND top generals out of the rubble?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: casilla jokes, debate jokes, duffy jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 9, 2016
This week is the World Clown Convention in Orlando. And next week is the Florida primary. Coincidence?
Alec Baldwin, 57, has announced he and his wife are expecting a baby boy this fall, meaning they will have three children age 3 three and under. And well, if any dad can teach his kids how to throw a tantrum….
Social media is apparently at odds as to whether Bernie Sanders’ suit tonight was brown or blue. But presumably the confusion is absolutely Wall Street’s fault.
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Pollsters in Michigan may be out of work after their miserable showing in the Democratic primary. On the other hand, many of them have been offered jobs running the numbers for Trump’s tax plan.
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Apparently with Brock Osweiler going to the Texans, the Broncos are interested in Colin Kaepernick. Hmm, maybe Peyton Manning shouldn’t get too comfortable in retirement.
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A pro-gun 31-year-old Florida mother was arguing on Facebook Monday saying “Even my 4 year old gets jacked up to target shoot with the .22” Tuesday mom was in stable condition in the the hospital after the kid found the loaded gun in her car and shot mom while she was driving. Is it fair to hope they don’t discharge her in time to vote in Tuesday’s primary?
#howdoyoustopagoodchildwithagun?
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In central Florida, a second grade substitute teacher was arrested for being drunk in class. The principal first became suspicious because she didn’t know the day of the week. But really, in Florida, isn’t the day of the week a fourth or fifth grade lesson?
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If #CarlyFiorina really wanted to help #TedCruz she’d sign up in California to help run #Trump campaign.
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Here’s a”cheer up it could be worse” item for passengers who feel squeezed on United Airlines 777 planes in coach. The airline is planning to change their domestic 777’s from 9-across seating, to 10-across seating. So yes, it could, and will be worse.
At Paris-CDG Airport a woman was arrested after she apparently had sneaked a child onto a flight from Istanbul in a carry-on bag. And a whole lot of airlines got a new idea for a new really no-frills fare. #carryonseating
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Interesting note, Michigan has open primaries. So wonder which number was higher – Republicans voting for Bernie to cause trouble for the Democrats, or Dems voting for Trump to try to screw the GOP?
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At least Marco Rubio accomplished something with his personal insults against Trump – “My kids were embarrassed by it.” That’s impressive. Two of his children aren’t even teenagers yet.
Under the guise of protecting women, Florida just passed a massively restrictive bill to limit abortion, which requires providers to meet very strict medical standards, even when the “abortion” is morning-after pills. But if we really want Florida women to rise up in anger, maybe someone should demand similar restrictions also apply to clinics doing, for starters, liposuction and botox…..
And we thought #PAC12 football got hosed with TV: :#Pac12Hoops tournament has 1st 3 days with games at 1145pm EST & finals at 1015p Saturday.
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From Marc Ragovin “I’m not saying the NY Knicks are on their last legs, but Phil Jackson just said they are throwing all of their stock in Florida next Tuesday.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 7, 2016
Peyton Manning apparently will announce his retirement Monday. Presumably from outside a Papa John’s store with a case of Budweiser?
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Forget Megyn Kelly. If we really want to make the men behave could Lady Mary or Dowager Countess moderate next #GOPDebate? #DowntonAbbey
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Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are. promising an issue-filled debate tonight. And millions of Americans are thinking “where’s the fun in that
#Bernie and #Hillary actually got a little contentious in tonight’s debate. GOP watchers were thinking “Wimps, where are the real insults, where are the d*ck jokes?”
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Bernie Sanders’ best line of the debate was talking about increasing mental health funding “and if you saw last week’s GOP debate, you know we need it.”
So when #JustinTrudeau gets done with being Canada’s Prime Minister can we borrow him?
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Love at 1st sight or at least 1st inning for #SFGiants fans: Jeff Samardzija strikes out Crawford, Pederson and Puig
Was at a party this afternoon and afterwards checked online to see how by much the #Warriors beat the #Lakers and #WTF?
Today, was actually the first time an NBA team wore equipment to honor a live and active player, the Lakers wore special socks Bryant-themed socks with No. 2 on the right sock and No. 4 on the left.
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Somewhere the Yankees and Derek Jeter are going “why didn’t we think of something like that”?
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Reports are that Gregg #Popovich is looking into ordering a really big box of #KobeBryant socks #Warriors #Spurs #NBAplayoffs
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RIP Nancy Reagan. Wonder if it was all these candidates hijacking her husband’s party that killed her. #whoknewReaganwouldlookmoderate?
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Increasingly looking like the real #Florida joke is #MarcoRubio #GOPPrimary
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Give #Trump credit, his promises may be empty where most of the country is concerned. But he sure has helped make #SNL great again.
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United’s CEO Oscar Munoz is returning to work after an October heart attack and surgery – a medical leave of five months. Curiously enough, that’s about the same amount of time the airline thinks is reasonable to find your luggage.
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John Kasich has fired his campaign’s deputy digital director Blake Waggoner after it was reported he was arrested in Nov. 2015 after a woman accused him of choking her and punching her in the back. Sounds like the only adult in the GOP room hasn’t been paying enough attention to what his kids were doing.
Caityn Jenner, complaining about Hillary Clinton: “She couldn’t care less about women. She cares about herself.” So did Jenner make the comments while she was volunteering at something? No, on her reality show “I am Cait.”
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg – “Astronaut Scott Kelley returned after a year in space to find Madonna on tour, a Clinton running for president and the police testing OJ Simpson’s knife and he said;
“Stop screwing around. What year is it really?”
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Categories: debate jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Peyton Manning jokes, sanders jokes, Warriors jokes
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March 3, 2016
Peyton Manning, in a speech last night at the Florida Forum “Many of you have probably heard that I have a significant announcement to make, so I thought I’d go ahead and make it with all of you here tonight. Papa John’s is offering 50 percent off tonight through Friday.”
Someday Manning may have the only funeral where they hand out pizza coupons.
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South Africa’s highest court has dismissed Oscar Pistorius’s appeal against his murder conviction, so he could be facing a minimum 15-year jail sentence. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
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Anyone who thought the GOP campaign couldn’t go any lower? I think this CNN headline might mean we just hit bottom.”Donald Trump defends size of his penis.”
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John Kasich isn’t someone I would vote for, but I still think he’s a capable human being. Watching him on the margins of the GOP debate recalls an anecdote about Adlai Stevenson in the 1956 presidential campaign: A woman called out “Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!” Stevenson called back “That’s not enough, madam, we need a majority!”
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So if the GOP is really serious about stopping Trump, it should be noted that in Alaska the Donald got Sarah Palin’s endorsement. And the winner was Ted Cruz. #coincidence?
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Now Mitt Romney apparently is focused mostly on keeping Trump from having 1,237 delegates, the number he needs to secure the nomination, so that the GOP can block the Donald at the convention.
Well, this ought to do wonders for convincing potential Trump voters that the establishment isn’t rigged against them..
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Mitt Romney just attacked Donald Trump for dishonesty and pointed to Trump’s “greed,” “showing off”, and “misogyny,” Hey wait, aren’t those real GOP values?
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Mitt Romney called Donald Trump a “phony” and a “fraud” who would hand the election to the Dems in November. So which Mitt was talking? The moderate governor of Mass., or the “severe conservative” who ran in 2012?
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An Australian writer, Helen Garner, got what she thought was a spam email with “good news” and saying somewhat at Yale needed her phone number. It turned out to be real; she had won a $150,000 writing prize.
And a whole lot of spammers just got a new idea.
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Scott Kelly grew two inches while he was in space. And wonder how many men are telling women, “Well, I used to be an astronaut.”
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Jim Harbaugh and Tennessee coach Butch Jones are now in a Twitter battle, where Jones went after Michigan for practicing in Florida, and Harbaugh told him to “focus on his own program.”
So how can we get a game between the Wolverines and Volunteers? #ratings #whatsyourdeal?
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LeBron James is getting some criticism for working out with Dwayne Wade during a couple off-days, especially as the Heat also are probably a playoff team. But really, who expects Miami to be around long enough in the postseason for it to matter?
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Jeb Bush is trying to make a difference and redeem his status within the GOP. So if he’s really serious can Jeb endorse Trump?
Has someone told the #Thunder that hockey has three periods, basketball has four quarters? #Warriors #NBA
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt jokes, Romney jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 27, 2016
The NFL is apparently looking into shortening the preseason to three games. Well, that would only be about two games too long.
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The University of Tennessee has offered football scholarships to 20 students from IMG Academy, a Florida boarding school. So what does this academy do to have their athletes so prepared for college – offer all fake classes?
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The ACC says it will not suspend Duke star guard Grayson Allen for tripping an FSU player yesterday, the second time Allen was seen apparently deliberately tipping an opponent. No reason given but it should be obvious – he’s from Duke.
A 20 year old woman in England has been hospitalized with Toxic Shock Syndrome after forgetting to remove a tampon for nine days. Okay, sounds horrible, but that’s not Toxic Shock Syndrome, that’s Toxic Stupid Syndrome.
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#DonaldTrump and #ChrisChristie together – Talk about a bully pulpit.
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If it’s a Trump-Christie ticket on the GOP side, will our proposed new U.S. slogan be “carry a big stick and shout at the top of your lungs.
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Chris Christie is certainly Machiavellian enough…. any chance he endorsed #Trump in hopes of a cabinet position offer from Hillary?
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Chris Christie “There is no better fighter than Donald Trump. So did the N.J. Governor think he was endorsing Trump for the Presidency of the WBC?
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One of Donald Trump’s latest tweets “Wow. Every poll said I won the debate last night. Great honer.” Wonder if the Donald’s spell checker is from Oaklahoma?
(my friend Christopher Green says, well, the B and the H are close together on the keyboard, maybe his hand slipped.)
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This quote from Lindsey Graham has gone viral recently. “If you kill Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody could convict you.” Hmm, maybe that’s who Trump was talking about shooting on Fifth Avenue.
#LindseyGraham says the #GOP has gone “batshit” crazy. Prompting calls for an apology. From bats.
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Tax experts say it’s unlikely that Donald Trump has really been audited personally 12 years in a row, but that he’s likely referring to himself and the companies he owns or owns part of. So I get it, when it comes to audits, Trump and his companies are the same thing. When it’s bankruptcies…..
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Bernie Sanders may not do big fancy fundraisers, but his campaign sends more emails than a flock of Nigerian princes. At least two-three a day… and I never signed up to support him.
Well, just in case you had a bright idea to beat traffic to Chavez Ravine: this tweet from Andy McCullough at the LA TImes “The Dodgers have told Yasiel Puig he can not, theoretically, fly a helicopter to Dodger Stadium. Federal law prohibits it, the FAA says.”
Guess we need to standby for another year of Puigy being Puigy.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Christ Christie jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, primary jokes, Trump jokes
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February 15, 2016
The best Valentine’s Day present for many of us is the realization that pitchers and catchers report this week. #SpringTraining #MLB
Watching the NBA All Star game had to wonder – Does Kobe Bryant have a fatal disease or something?
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NBA All Star Game is over. So #NBA fans who enjoy games with no defense will just have to go back to watching the #Lakers
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There actually was a spread on the NBA All Star Game. And if you know what it is, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.
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Since the slam-dunk and 3-point shooting contests are so popular with viewers, maybe here’s a solution to the Pro Bowl: forget the game, and just get the top players together for some skills contests. And maybe the No Fun League for one day could let players come up with their “best touchdown celebration.”
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Denver Broncos safety Shiloh Keo was busted for DUI in Idaho, making him the third NFL player to be arrested this year. Once again, the league is proving they can keep making headlines in the offseason.
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A T & T winner Vaughn Taylor made the field Monday in Pebble Beach as an alternate. Put that in a movie & critics would say it wasn’t realistic.
And Taylor certainly “needed” it more than Mickelson. But Lefty at 45 remains one of the most entertaining (and beloved) golfers of our time.
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New SF Giants outfielder Denard Span told an interviewer in 2013 that he was afraid of birds and fish. “You know, I’m okay with someone throwing a fastball at my head But a bird flies at my head, I’m more terrified.”. Which could present interesting challenges for Bruce Bochy in the late innings at AT&T park. #gullpower
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As Ted Cruz continues to insist he will filibuster anyone Obama nominates to the Supreme Court, has it occurred to him that our cerebral and thoughtful President, himself a former law school professor, might pick someone Cruz would like a lot better than, not even a possible President Sanders or Clinton, but a President Trump?
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If these GOP candidates really want to prove how much they love the 2nd amendment, why don’t they agree all to be armed for the next debate? #mustseeTV
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A 45 minute lockdown at Arkansas State University was lifted after ‘gunmen’ on campus turned out to be student actors filming a video. Once again Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.” #cantfixstupid
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Neal makes an potentially fun point,
Ted Cruz’s campaign is dealing with some fallout because they accidentally used a porn actress in on of their commercials. …
“Too bad she didn’t get a selfie with the candidate.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe Bryant jokes, NBA All-Star game jokes, NBA jokes, scalia jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
February 14, 2016
In the midst of all the craziness, this comment from Ruth Bader Ginsberg on Antonin Scalia is worth repeating. “I disagreed with most of what he said, but I loved the way he said it.”
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So at #Scalia‘s funeral will Clarence Thomas honor his late colleague by not saying a few words?
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#TedCruz says the next President should nominate
#Scalia‘s replacement. So congrats to all those who had “about 10 minutes” in the pool.
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Wind chill in liberal Massachusetts tonight down to at least 35 below. Maybe some in the GOP shouldn’t have said it would be a cold day in hell when Obama would get to nominate another Supreme Court justice.
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Padmanabhan Srikanth “Sri” Srinivasan – google him. Confirmed 97-0 on the US Court of Appeals. Obama could make things very difficult both for the GOP and reporters/copy editors.
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So all these GOP yahoos demanding we wait until the election and to let the next President pick the next Supreme Court justice, does this mean that if a Republican is elected, they think he should not be able to fill any potential SCOTUS opening in the 2nd half of his term?
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We interrupt politics for a bulletin from Pebble Beach. Phil Mickleson is leading the AT&T Pro-Am by 2 strokes after 3 rounds. Even Jamie Moyer is thinking “That dude is old.”
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Jenrry Mejia has been banned permanently from MLB for his 3rd PED suspension. Clearly Mejia should have focused on trying to play NFL football, where he’d be back again after a few games.
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More of the “stuff” you can’t make up: In New York, Central Park’s ice festival was canceled today, due to extreme cold.
(And in Minnesota they’re just giggling.)
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Kentucky men’s basketball coach John Calipari was ejected two minutes and 26 seconds into today’s game against South Carolina. 146 seconds?!! That’s only about as long as his players spend in class.
As a retirement gift, Michael Jordan gave Kobe Bryant a full set of all 30 sneakers released so far in the Air Jordan line. A very nice gift. Although at this point Kobe almost has enough money to have been able to buy them himself.
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For that matter, will those in the GOP who say a president should not be able to nominate a Supreme Court judge in the last year of his term, also say that a president cannot negotiate important deals and treaties etc in that last year. Leaderofthefreeworldforthefirsthalfofhisorherterm?
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Mitch McConnell -“The American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice. Therefore, this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new President.” Uh, didn’t the American people exercise their voice by electing President Obama? Twice.
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Ted Cruz’s campaign is dealing with some fallout because they accidentally used a porn actress in on of their commercials. Such an ad would never be released by Hillary Clinton’s campaign – Bill would recognize the actress first.
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Watching these debates makes many Americans wish that Jed Bartlett was president. Heck, watching these debates makes many Americans wish Frank Underwood was president.
Comparing tonight’s GOP debate to a kindergarten playground is an insult to kindergarteners.
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Somewhere Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders had to be watching this #GOPDebate and just giggling.
So will those in the GOP who say a president should not be able to nominate a Supreme Court judge in the last year of his term, also say that a president cannot negotiate important deals and treaties etc in the last year of his term? #Leaderofthefreeworldforthefirsthalfofhisorherterm?
Categories: debate jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clarence Thomas jokes, Cruz jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, scalia jokes, Supreme Court jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
February 7, 2016
So Sunday night the pre-Super Bowl hype will be over. The pre-NFL draft hype starts Monday.
As of Saturday, Super Bowl ticket prices have fallen under $2,700. That’s cheaper than a Jeb Bush vote in Iowa.
So which has become a worse version of Groundhog Day – the never-ending Super Bowl pre game show, or yet another GOP debate?
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All these experts making Super Bowl predictions. And of course all of them predicted a Panthers Broncos matchup.
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Gregg Popovich gave a nice tribute to Kobe Bryant before game. After #Lakers came within 4 of ending #spurs streak he might take it back
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Playboy debuted their first non-nude issue. So now men really can say they read it for the articles.
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Affluenza teen Ethan Couch has been transferred to an adult jail. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.
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A shooting at a strip club in Tampa has left 1 dead and 7 injured. And wonder how many more injured when the police investigation resulted in wives finding out their husbands were there.
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A friend somehow by mistake got on a Ted Cruz mailing list; his fundraising letter rails against moderates like Mitt Romney and John McCain, and says “it has been my honor to fight on your behalf against the DC liberals (of both parties.)…”
Showing again why Senator Cruz is so “beloved” in the Senate.
Justin Bieber was seen tonight in San Francisco skateboarding around town. That’s it. Time to build that wall. But on the Canadian border.
Donald Trump Saturday night “I would bring back waterboarding. And I would bring back a hell of a lot worse.” What, like making suspects listen to his speeches?
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Donald Trump, complaining today on Jeb Bush using Barbara on the campaign trail. Adding Bush “had to bring in mommy to take a slap at me. Not nice!” On the other hand, Trump attacking Jeb and his campaign – isn’t it also not nice to pick on those on life support?
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Martin Shrreli says “The only thing I regret about my Congressional testimony is forgetting to bring my Nintendo DS’: Is this guy trying to be a big enough douchebag that he gets considered for a possible Ted Cruz cabinet?
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#LetCarlyDebate is seriously trending on social media. Wonder how many of the posts are by Carly supporters and how many are by comedians.
From TC on the 58% percent increase in NFL concussions in 2015 compared to 2014: “Due mostly to Seahawks fans after February’s Super Bowl slapping themselves on their foreheads.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bush jokes, Cruz jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
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February 4, 2016
Archie Manning says he has talked to Peyton and he is not sure if his son will retire or not after the Super Bowl. “The first time is the hardest,” responded Brett Favre.
Reports are now that Johnny Manziel struck his ex-girlfriend “several times” at a Dallas hotel last weekend. So Manziel clearly still has dreams of being signed by the Cowboys?
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The Raiders are apparently going to play an NFL game in Mexico in 2016. At the thought of the “Black Hole” coming to watch, Mexico immediately began taking bids on wall construction.
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Martin Shkreli apparently decided to stop answering questions and just smile and smirk today as he testified in front of a Congressional committee about price gouging with a life-saving drug. Got to figure members of Congress actually enjoyed having him there – Shikreli is one of the few people who make them look good by comparison.
McDonald’s is now giving away books in their Happy Meals. And millions of American children looked up from their phones and said “What are books?”
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Whatever happens in the 2016 election today’s Warriors’ White House visit marks the end of an era – a President who actually knows what he’s talking about with basketball.
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Maurice White, founder of Earth, Wind and Fire, has died at the age of 74. Maybe April is the cruelest month, but January and February 2016 have not been kind to aging rockers.
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The Des Moines Register is calling for a complete audit of the Iowa Democratic Caucuses as Hillary’s win was so close. Forget those coin tosses, the Clinton campaign clearly should have spread the rumor Sanders was going home.
Megyn Kelly will be anchoring the next Fox News GOP debate on March 3. You know it’s a strange election season when Fox has the high road.
Despite several GOP requests to include her, Carly Fiorina will be left out of the next debate. I can understand why the other candidates might want her on stage – Carly makes the rest of them seem nicer by compariso
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Now a desperate Jeb Bush is pulling out all the stops, with a campaign ad featuring…. his brother George W? Proving once again that Jeb has no business running for President.
#DemDebate Hillary Clinton wants to streamline programs that are “duplicative and redundant.” Well, of course she does does.
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Meanwhile, Jimmy Carter, at 91, our best and perhaps still sharpest ex-President. When asked in England if he had to pick”Trump or Cruz. – “I think I would choose Trump, which may surprise some of you,The reason is, Trump has proven already he’s completely malleable.I don’t think he has any fixed (positions) he’d go the White House and fight for. On the other hand, Ted Cruz is not malleable. He has far right-wing policies he’d pursue if he became president.”
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Tags: debate jokes, Fiorina jokes, Janice Hough, Manning jokes, Manziel jokes, martin shkreli jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
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January 28, 2016
We might have a winner for the year in the #Youhadonejob, and it goes to the guy in charge of painting the end zones for Super Bowl 50 at Levi’s Stadium – they painted TWO with the Broncos logo. And forgot about the Panthers. #Nottheonion
The Dallas Cowboys will not resign Greg Hardy. Apparently because Hardy was frequently late for meeting, and wasn’t in peak physical condition because he partied too much. So domestic violence is okay as long as you show up on time and in shape?
Missouri dismissed QB Maty Mauk from the football team for “violating team rules” after a video surfaced of him apparently snorting cocaine. Mauk had a 17-5 record as a starter. Too soon to start a pool on which coach will give him a second chance?
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In New York City , police arrested two men with $14 million in heroin in the bed of a big pickup truck after the men were spotted driving around looking for parking. Truly insane. Not the attempted smuggling, but who thinks with a pickup truck they can find actual parking on NYC streets?
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Affluenza teen Ethan Couch was flown from Puerto Vallarta to Dallas today. Wonder if he complained about the trip not being first class?
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Some controversy over Joseph Fiennes being cast to play Michael Jackson in an upcoming BBC TV movie. Is that because Fiennes is white or because he’s male?
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John McCain says of the current election “I’ve never seen anything like this.” And presumably this even includes the Lincoln-Douglas debates
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Best news for #ChrisChristie during tonight’s GOP debate. Not just more air time without Trump, less competition for post debate doughnuts.
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Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee decided to attend Donald Trump’s rally after the children’s table debate tonight. Because apparently at this point they dislike Trump less than they love ANY publicity.
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Today Trump said that it was Fox News’ sarcastic comments about his withdrawal that sealed his decision to stay away from the debates. Attention US friends and enemies – so apparently it’s not just “sticks and stones” that hurt the Donald…
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Now rumors that the Oakland Raiders are looking into a move to…. Las Vegas. Not that the NFL would allow it as of course the league wants nothing to do with gambling…
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Much media discussion of the Challenger disaster today. And it was awful. But for those of us who were kids in the 1960s, it’s actually another sad anniversary – Apollo 1, January 27, 1967 – Gus Grissom, Edward White, and Roger Chaffee. Remembering them as well.
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Damn. R.I.P. Paul Kantner, 74. I remember when you were a youngster if you thought first of the band being known as Jefferson Starship. “Nothing ever breaks up the heart, Only tears give you away….” (from Miracles.)
My younger friends may not believe this with the various explicit rap and other lyrics these days but when #JeffersonStarships‘ “Miracles” came out, many radio stations played a version where they censored the lyrics- the offending line ‘I get a taste of the real world, when I go down on you, girl.”
Seems so quaint today.
Pat Riley: LeBron ‘never, ever’ requested Erik Spoelstra firing when he was at Miami. Well, of course not, when you’re a superstar you get your posse to handle making that kind of request for you.
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Tags: debate jokes, Janice Hough, McCain jokes, Michael Jackson jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
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January 26, 2016
Donald Trump is now saying he will “definitely” skip Thursday’s GOP debate on Fox. So this man thinks he can stand up to America’s enemies, and he can’t even stand up to Megyn Kelly?
Donald Trump & Sarah Palin have done so much for Megyn Kelly & Tina Fey’s careers/earning potential they could almost ask for royalties?
Unclear on the concept – Trump says he doesn’t want to debate because Megyn Kelly is a “lightweight.” Uh, to use a sports analogy, no NBA team is upset this year to see the Lakers or 76ers next on their schedule.
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Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Well, of course he did. Assume the self-styled “America’s Toughest Sheriff” has designs on being Attorney General?
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And now John Rocker is endorsing Trump. Wow. Anyone heard from Archie Bunker lately?
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Missouri QB Maty Mauk has been suspended from the football program for the third time since September. The first was a violation of team rules, the second after a dispute in a bar, and this time after a video surfaced of him allegedly smoking cocaine. Even Johnny Manziel is thinking “Dude, get it together.”
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Tom Delay is claiming the FBI is “ready to indict” Hillary Clinton. Well, I guess Delay does consider himself an expert on indictments.
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Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin reportedly fractured his hand during an argument with a member of the team’s equipment staff. So was the injury during the fight itself, or when the guy moved towards Griffin and Blake flopped?
Peyton Manning reportedly told Bill Belichick after the AFC Championship that this *(Super Bowl) might be my last rodeo.” And Belichick no doubt was thinking “We expected THIS game to be your last rodeo.”
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In a week the first 2016 Presidential caucuses will be over. And then we can go back to not caring about Iowa for four years.
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Reports of hearing gunshots at Naval Medical Center San Diego apparently were a false alarm. But now everyone at the Center will be banned from playing “Call of Duty” without the sound muted.
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The SF 49ers hired as their new defensive coordinator the Browns’ Jim O’Neill. So no one told them Cleveland’s only good defensive performance last year was against San Francisco?
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New York Jets lineman Sheldon Richardson was placed on 2 years probation after pleading guilty to reduced charges stemming from a July police chase in St. Louis. He allegedly drove up to 143 mph, resisted arrest, and was found to have a loaded handgun under the floor mat. Police also detected a “strong marijuana” odor in the car.
Richardson served a four-game suspension this year for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. but his lawyer doesn’t expect additional discipline.
Once again, it’s part of the league’s strict “12 strikes and you’re out” policy.
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Today’s Darwin nominee: Michigan police say a man who killed in a single car rollover accident in Detroit wasn’t wearing pants and was watching porn while driving. Women are going “How appalling stupid can you be?” Men are going “You can do that?”
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Breaking news that Oregon protest leader Ammon Bundy and others have been arrested; 1 person is reportedly dead. #Ifonlytheywerearmed…. no, wait, never mind.
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In Kentucky, a federal judge has ruled that the state cannot deny millions of $$ in a tourism tax incentive to a religious group building a Noah’s Ark attraction, citing First Amendment grounds. Alrighty then, who’s ready to join me in supporting a Wiccan theme park? Or “Atheist World?” Or heck, why not “Mecca Land?”
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Tags: Arizona jokes, Blake Griffin jokes, Darwin jokes, debate jokes, Iowa jokes, Janice Hough, Megyn Kelly jokes, Trump jokes
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December 19, 2015
Florida announced that QB Will Grier. suspended until late in the 2016 season for PEDs, will transfer. Coach Jim McElwain said “this has been very difficult on him and obviously he is looking for a fresh start.” Obviously. Or at least more lax drug testing.
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Martin Shkreli has tweeted out “I am confident I will prevail. The allegations against me are baseless and without merit.” Uh, has it occurred to Shkreli that the only people who don’t think he’s a complete scumbag are the same people who are plenty rich enough to get out of jury duty?
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The first college bowl game – the Air Force Reserve Celebration Bowl – was today was between Alcorn State and North Carolina A&T – Be honest. Who even knew those two schools had football teams?
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Our symbol is not the barbed wire fence, it is the Statue of Liberty. #DemDebate #OMalley #Stillwontwinbutnicelysaid
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#MartinOMalley “Can I offer another generation’s perspective?” Not like millennials are watching, but if they were “you guys are all old.”
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Love Bernie Sanders but every time you see him talk you expect to hear him yell “You punks get off my lawn.” #DemDebate
So Matt Cassell managed to throw an interception and get called for intentional grounding on the same play. #NYJvsDAL Somewhere Mark Sanchez is giggling. #almostabuttfumble
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#MartinOMalley “Can I offer another generation’s perspective?” Not like millennials are watching, but if they were “you guys are all old.”
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Obama met with families of those people killed in San Bernadino yesterday, and a local GOP supervisor criticizing him for it. saying the President should have met with the wounded too. The supervisor also accused Obama of “politicizing” the tragedy. And he said it with a straight face. #cantwin
Tonight the #DallasCowboys were officially eliminated from the playoffs. No punchline, I just like writing it.
Categories: debate jokes, political jokes. election jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, debate jokes, dem debate jokes, Janice Hough, omalley jokes
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November 11, 2015
An Arkansas woman has been charged with child endangement when her baby ended up in the hospital with a blood alcohol level of .19%. She allegedly told police that her mother had suggested rubbing alcohol on his gums for teething pain, so she put bourbon in his bottle. #cantfixstupid #yourmoveFlorida #andthesepeoplecanVOTE
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Walmart workers are trying to get the chain to extend the general merchandise 10% employee discount to food. Walmart is no doubt countering with “Are you kidding? On our wages you already get a discount through food stamps..
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On Veteran’s Day it’s so nice to see all the GOP candidates who want to expand our military also talk about how we need to pour money into more veterans’ healthcare and other services. #sarcasm
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The end of a San Francisco era. Carol Doda, 78, has passed away after a long illness. Maybe her next of kin had time to order a special (double) bubble top coffin?
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Bob Dole has just endorsed Jeb Bush for President. How sad. Didn’t realize that Senator Dole was suffering from dementia.
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Joe’s Crab Shack is eliminating tipping at their 113 restaurants, and upping their minimum wage from $2.13 for waitstaff to $14 an hour. That stampeding sound you probably hear is all Joe’s really good waiters and waitresses heading to jobs at other restaurants.
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Okay, after all Marco Rubio’s criticism of liberal arts- apparently he’s been slamming philosophers for months, what’s HIS undergraduate degree from Florida? A Bachelor of Arts in Political Science.
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Marco Rubio says we need more welders and less (sic) philosophers. With Rubio and his fellow candidates’ general world views I can understand why they’re against philosophy – the philosophy course I took at Stanford was “Principles of Logic.”
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A Tempe city councilman, who said he had recent back surgery, and who presumably took advantage of an free sideline football pass, is now suing Arizona State claiming the school mascot jumped on him and injured his back.
#ifonlyhewerearmed
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A Bloomingdale’s holiday catalog featured a picture of a man looking a a laughing woman with the “spike your best friend’s eggnog when they’re not looking.” What’s next, will the store decide their new holiday spokesman will be Bill Cosby?
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Donald Trump, defending his plan to deport 11 millions illegals and arguing with John Kasich, said “I built an unbelievable company worth billions and billions of dollars,” so “I don’t have to listen to this man.”
Have to wonder, in building and maintaining that “unbelievable company,” how many of those Trump has employed are illegals?
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Wow, just wow. So last week, pictures were released of Greg Hardy’s ex-girlfriend, covered in bruises. And this week Hardy briefly changed his Twitter handle to “Perfection,” and his bio “Innocent until proven guilty-lack of knowledge & information is just ignorance-the unjust/prejudicial treatment of diff categories of people is discrimination.”
Too soon to start a pool on Hardy’s next arrest?
#cantfixstupid #cantfixbeinganasshole
Donald Trump wants to deport 11 million people and have immigrants in future only arrive for legal reasons, like marrying rich older men.
Drudge Report founder Matt Drudge apparently asked on Twitter “Can we talk about Hillary’s wig?’ For all those who thought we couldn’t go any lower than the Starbucks cup controversy….
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Tags: #cantfixstupid, Arkansas jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, Walmart jokes
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October 13, 2015
A new study found that people who like their coffee black are more likely to be sadistic and psychopathic. Well, at least until they get their coffee.
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For the second consecutive week, an error by MNF officials could have changed the outcome of the game, (although the Steelers won despite the “loss” of 18 seconds on the clock.) Maybe we should start checking the officiating crew for DraftKings accounts?
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Playboy has announced they will stop publishing nude pictures. Shocking. Playboy is still publishing?
USC Athletic Director Pat Haden said that now former coach Steve Sarkasian was fired because he “did not meet USC’s standards.” Well, that I believe. Trojans, at 1-2, are 5th out of 6 teams in the Pac 12 South.
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Twitter is laying off 8% of their engineers. So presume the pink slips were done in under 140 characters #yourefired
The #Cubs‘ Anthony Rizzo hit a go-ahead home run on an 0-2 pitch. #SFGiants fans are having bad 2015 regular season flashbacks.
You think you might be having a bad week at work. Probably not as bad as Kevin Siegrist. (Cardinals relief pitcher. two losses in two days. Including the Cubs clincher today.)
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Ted Cruz is apparently moving up in the GOP polls. Just what kind of a world do we live in when Cruz isn’t close to looking like the most bat-shit crazy one?
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Donald #Trump is hosting #SNL on Nov. 7. Well, good for the Donald. He could use the exposure.
Some UberX drivers are supposedly planning not to work this weekend as a protest against the company’s low rates and lack of a tip option. Well, if this catches on it should be good for some serious surge pricing.
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So Lamar Odom is apparently “fighting for his life,” after being found unconscious at a Nevada brothel. Sad. Although perhaps the saddest people are the Kardashians since he’s no longer a “cast member” of their show.
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A new poll in California shows the President’s approval rating at 60%, the highest of his second term. #IblameObama
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Democrats were wondering how to get viewers interested in their first debate tonight. Maybe Bernie Sanders should have threatened to take out Hillary Clinton with a hard slide?
“The excitement can still be felt in the debate hall.” And CNN said it with a straight face. #DemDebate
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How could the #Demdebate possibly compete with stuff like this? Newt Gingrich said if called upon he would consider becoming Speaker of the House again, telling Sean Hannity “This is why George Washington came out of retirement – because there are moments you can’t avoid.” #yeshesaidit #nottheOnion
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If anyone thinks that these days women are treated with any sort of equality in politics, then they clearly missed the earth-shattering commentary that Clinton aide Huma Abedin wore ALMOST THE SAME British dress that Kate Middleton has been seen in last year. #nottheOnion (The U.K Daily Mail,
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Tags: coffee jokes, Cubs jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, MNF jokes, playboy jokes, Trump jokes
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October 12, 2015
Scoring 13 runs against the team that took out your starting shortstop really IS the best revenge.
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Some of these MLB Postseason games are beginning to resemble those Little League games where teams all run out of pitching.
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So since MLB would not hear his appeal today, Chase Utley could have played tonight. Which might have brought a whole new audience to NLDS game 3, including those who felt gypped on Mayweather-Pacquiao.
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Ouch, a 6-2 lead with 2 innings to go in a series clinching game. The 2015 #Astros are getting sympathy messages from 2002 #SFGiants #ALDS
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Donald Trump thinks Tuesday’s Democratic debate won’t be very well-rated because he isn’t in it, and “and people are gonna get bored and turn it off.”
Well, he is probably right. Because most Americans aren’t really ready to pay attention to the Presidential election. But we always love watching a good train wreck.
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Gennifer Flowers is back, saying she has things in a safety deposit box to ensure her “safety, and that Bill’s infidelity “should come back up with the circumstances, with Hillary running. It should come back to the forefront again.”
Translation, someone might actually pay me money to talk again.
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A day after USC ordered their coach to take a leave of absence,and AD Pat Haden says “it was very clear to me that he is not healthy,” the Trojans have fired Steve Sarkasian. That stampeding sound you hear is from a whole lot of rushing Los Angeles employment lawyers.
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My friend Alex Kaseberg’s take on Sarkisian’s original leave of absence for “ an undisclosed condition. ” I can disclose the condition: losing.”
In all seriousness, if USC had started 5-0 does anyone doubt that Sarkisian would not only still have a job, he’d be able to have a flask attached to his headset?
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Texas Gov. Greg Abbott sent out a tweet today “congratulations to the @astros for advancing to the ALCS. Looking for an all-Texas
#ALCS. Looking at you @Rangers.” And somewhere W. and Rick Perry are thinking “And we’re supposed to be the stupid ones?”
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An Alaska Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing today when a credit card reader on board caught fire. So how many snack boxes and drinks were they selling to get it that overheated?
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Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer Minnesota will apparently not be charged for the shooting of Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe. Know Palmer paid $50,000 for the original hunting permit, wonder how much he paid for the verdict.
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These days it’s harder to figure out what channel the playoff games are on than to explain the infield fly rule. #MLBPostseason #ALDS #NLDS
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Florida QB Will Grier has thrown for 10 TDs and 1,204 yards for the Gators. Today he was suspended for PED’s. Well, on the bright side, at least Grier may have proven he’s NFL ready.
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In San Antonio, Texas, a husband fatally shot his wife last weekend in their house. He claims he mistook her in the middle of the night for an intruder. #ifonlyshewasarmed
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Apparently Pepsi is launching a new cellphone. Presume the phone won’t lose power, it will just go flat?
Some Democrats are looking forward to the first debate because “Democrats will finally be in the headlines.” Right, just below the headline of whatever insane thing Trump or Carson or Fiorina says tomorrow.
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South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier said he is retiring effectively immediately. Now before the season Spurrier said “We were 11-2 and ranked fourth in the country this time a year ago, and nobody said a damn word. Now a year later I’m suddenly too old..” Amazing how much a 2-4 start will make a man feel his age.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: debate jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, playoff jokes, sarkisian jokes, Texas jokes, USC jokes
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September 17, 2015
We don’t need no stinkin’ DH. #SFGiants
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Leaving aside the illegality of it, does Jeb Bush’s response of “Maggie Thatcher” for a woman to be on the $10 bill mean he can’t think of ONE worthy American woman? #andhessupposedtobethesmartone
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Jeb Bush tonight admitted to smoking marijuana 40 years ago, “other people might have done it but may not want to say it in front of 25 million people. My mom’s not happy that I just did.” Wow. Jeb smoked pot. And somewhere Barbara is thinking of his brother and just giggling.
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Over 22 million people tuned into CNN’s debate last night. Well, if all it takes is an outspoken entertainer as part of the show to get people’s attention, can we include Jon Stewart or Bill Maher in the Democratic debate?
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My friend Michael Powers noted this quote from Marco Rubio during the GOP debate: “These problems cannot be solved by intellect.”
Well, then that’s not an issue for most anyone who was on that stage.
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Apparently Kobe Bryant’s torn rotator cuff has healed enough so that he has been cleared to participate in basketball activities. Well, and it’s not like he’ll need to use the shoulder to pass or anything.
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American Airlines had a “technical issue” today that halted flights for about an hour at DFW, Miami, and O’Hare., their three main hubs.
How come it’s a “technical issue” when they have a problem, and at least a $200 change fee when YOU have a problem?
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Bengals kicker Mike Nugent is upset about the NFL making the PAT attempt longer.: “I don’t like the rule because — I could be wrong — but I don’t know of any rules that have been changed to make guys fail more.”
Well, two things. 1. Making “guys fail more” IS exactly the point. 2. Any rules, well, let’s start with lowering the MLB mound in 1969. And then there’s moving the kickoff, and the goalposts, and, well, I am sure my friends and readers have a long list.
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Anthony Weiner has lost his job he started in July at that fancy PR firm. So congrats to all those who had Sept 16 in the pool.
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Ann Coulter is facing more than the usual bipartisan criticism after she tweeted during the GOP debate “How many f–ing Jews do these people think there are in the United States?” Maybe she forgot that one of those Jews is Sheldon Adelson?
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Defensive lineman Jonathan Taylor has been dismissed from both Alabama and Georgia for a total of three arrests, two for domestic violence, Now Taylor has enrolled at Southeastern Louisiana and joined the football team. Well, a guy’s got to do something before he joins the NFL.
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The Coolidge, AZ, City Council voted Monday to allow prayers before council meetings, including a stipulation that they be Christian. Where are the GOP defenders of freedom of religion on this one?
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Pitcher Mat #Latos made much of hating #SF. Can’t wait to hear what he says about LA, now that the #Dodgers have DFA’ed him.
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Tags: airline jokes, Ann Coulter jokes, Bush jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes
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September 16, 2015
Tonight was the second GOP debate. Otherwise known as “Dancing with the Questions.”
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Joe Biden says that Donald Trump has a “sick” message, and is “appealing to the baser side of human nature, working on this notion of xenophobia in a way that hasn’t occurred in a long time.”
Wonder how many Trump supporters are thinking “What’s xenophobia? Trump’s just against all these damn foreigners.”
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Lots of candidate talk about Ronald Reagan. Not much talk about Reagan’s tax hikes, increased budget deficit, and signing an immigration act in 1986 that which granted amnesty to almost 3 million undocumented immigrants. Am sure it’s just coincidence. #GOPdebate
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All these candidates who want to defund
#PlannedParenthood and talk about family planning alternatives. Would one of them like to name one such alternative. And their plan to fund welfare for children born from unplanned pregnancies?
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All this discussion of “judicial tyranny” with the Supreme Court on the subject of gay marriage. Where were all these clowns when the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush President?
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Donald Trump on tonight’s debate: ‘I think I could tone it down a little”: Right, he could, but he didn’t..
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Donald Trump during the debate – I was for a flat tax before I was against it. I was for the rich paying more before I was against it. This is so confusing.
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Carly Fiorina goes back to the marijuana gateway drug line. Cue #DemonSheep. Cue #ReeferMadness #GOPDebate
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Jeb Bush – “My brother kept us safe.” Well, except for that little 9/11 thing. #GOPDebate
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Lindsey Graham says it doesn’t make sense to deport millions of undocumented immigrants, but they should learn to speak English. Well sure, but so should millions of people born in the U.S.
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I’d take these GOP candidates calling for war with Iran more seriously if they’d call for a draft to get people to fight it, and a way to pay for it.
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The NFL has granted permission for New England clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally, who were suspended over Deflategate, to return, and the Patriots will reinstate them.
So yeah, guess those footballs were so in awe of Brady’s brilliance that they just deflated themselves.
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More debate. A real question “If you’re elected President, how would the world look different after you lead office?” Waiting for the honest answer from someone: “Well, Hell would host an awesome Winter Olympics.” #GOPdebate
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Rutgers football coach Kyle Flood has been suspended three games and fined $50,000 for allegedly emailing a lecturer inquiring about a grade for one of his potentially failing players. What Flood is really being suspended and fined for? A). being too stupid to have one of his staff do the the dirty work, and B) putting it in an email..
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A post-debate thought. Talking about the general election Chris Christie said he would prosecute “Mrs. Clinton in those debates.” That is, if Christie is not defending himself in a courtroom over the backroom deals that led to the resignation of the CEO of United Airlines.
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#Peavy gets his first home run of the year. 9th for #SFGiants pitchers in 2015. One behind Pablo Sandoval. #byebyebaby
#ChrisHeston and #MattCain do not have home runs for the #SFGiants this year yet. Time to get them some ABs.
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Amazing story about the Muslim student who was accused of building a bomb when he had only built a clock. Have to wonder these days how many students can even read a clock?
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In a few cities, 7-11 is offering delivery service of a “Date Night Pack”, which includes ice cream, candy, Red Bull and condoms. Thinking if your idea of a Date Night is 7-11, you’re not likely to need the pack.
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Actor Stephen Rannazzisi, who said he escaped from the World Trade Center on 9-11 and then quit his desk job to become a comedian, now says he made the story up. Stand by for his interview with Brian Williams.
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The #SFGiants are on a mission to singlehandedly destroy the DH. Now Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher ever to reach base against Aroldis Chapman. But the Reds’ closer had gotten to an 0-2 count vs. 57 hitters this year. He struck out 41 of them, and none of them walked. Until Madbum.
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Tags: Bush jokes, debate jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP debate jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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August 6, 2015
For television viewers, Wednesday night on NBC was “America’s Got Talent.” Thursday night the debate on Fox was the rebuttal.
The Fox News GOP debate was at Quicken Loans Arena, home of the Cleveland Cavaliers. And much of it was as painful to watch as Lebron’s “The Decision.”
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To be fair, Donald Trump says he wanted the GOP debate tonight to be on a “high level.” As in you needed to be high to watch it?
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Carly Fiorina, at the “kid’s table” debate. “. “[T]he potential of this nation and too many Americans is being crushed by the weight, the power, the cost, the complexity, the ineptitude, the corruption of the federal government.” And if elected I promise to do for America what I did for Hewlett Packard…. Oh wait, never mind.
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A few of the exchanges between, for example, Chris Christie and Rand #Paul made me almost sorry that this #GOPDebate was probably a gun-free zone.
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Wonder how many GOP voters watched the debate and were wishing they could vote for #MegynKelly.
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#Trump invokes #RonaldReagan. Is #Reagan rolling over in grave or laughing becuz he knows he was much less conservative than his disciples
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Scott Walker talking about unborn children needing to be protected. And of course the Wisconsin governor has fought his own party over cutting $238,000 million for child advocacy centers. Oh wait, the GOP over-ruled him, they REINSTATED money Walker wanted to cut. #nevermind
Mike Huckabee “The purpose of the military is kill people and break things.” Somewhere Teddy Roosevelt IS rolling over in his grave. #speaksoftlykillpeopleandbreakthings? #GOPDebate
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Boston mayor Martin J. Walsh wants to ban chewing tobacco from all ballparks in the city, amateur and professional. Well, with this year’s Red Sox team Walsh doesn’t need to add that “professional” part.
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Two men were arrested at an Iowa Taco Bell and charged with allegedly manufacturing methamphetamine in the restaurant. Stand by for the AMC sequel “Breaking Wind.”
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President Obama today warned it’s either the Iran deal, or “some sort of war.” And many Republicans responded “You say ‘war” like it’s a bad thing.”
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Arby’s ran ads on the penultimate “Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” despite all the knocks the comedian has given them over the years. Well, makes a certain about of sense, with Stewart everyone knew Arby’s was still in business.
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A Regent Seven Seas 128 day around-the-world cruise, costing more than $100,000 a couple, had 70% percent of the cabins booked on the first day of sales. The company president stated this was a testament to their belief that “guests … want unique, different, and rich destination experiences.” Well, “rich” for sure.
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Now it’s come out that Russians apparently hacked some Pentagon emails. Hillary Clinton might be looking smarter and smarter with that private server.
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No lyin -Great thought from Paul Chessin, brother of my FB friend Steve: “So, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service wants to talk to Dr. Walter Palmer but can’t find him because he’s “hiding”? Maybe they should get a trophy game animal, put it in a car, and, you know, lure him out.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, debate jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP debate jokes, GOPdebate jokes, janicehough, Red Sox jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 