Posted tagged ‘Cubs jokes’
October 26, 2017
Not sure if #BryceLove has a chance for Heisman. But the way #Stanford played withou him, he sure looks like college MVP.
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He pronounces it Crist, But Stanford QB today had lots of fans screaming “Jesus Christ.”
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#Cubs just dismissed their pitching, hitting & third base coaches after losing in NCLS. Wow, one win after a century and talk about greedy.
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Joe Torre and MLB admit now that blown call in NLDS game five led to the Cubs scoring 2 runs that should never have scored. And Washington lost 9-8. Does this mean the Nats should rehire Dusty Baker?
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Joe Girardi fired as manager of #Yankees because he couldn’t get them far enough in playoffs. #Padres fans are thinking ‘What are playoffs?
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I’m sure there’s a story here…. United flight 404 from Houston to San Francisco landed at 931am. Pulled into gate at 1107am. No joke.
So not enough passengers paid a gate parking fee?
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Donald Trump Jr. tweeted ” To those saying Flake sacrificed his career to take on Trump, just remember it’s not sacrifice when you admit you have 0 chance of winning!”
Hey Jr, thinking big game hunting is not a sport when you have 0 chance of getting shot by an animal.
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“Just Say No – The Sequel” will work as well with opioid crisis as abstinence-only education works for combating teen pregnancy.
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Guardian headline is all you need to know about today’s photo op: “Trump declares health emergency over opioids but no new funds to help.”
Hope those in GOP excusing George H.W.’s groping as nice old man in wheelchair prepared to make same concession in 20 yrs for Bill Clinton.
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Billionaires need a tax cut like Fox News needs more blonde women on-air.
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First ISIS, then healthcare, now the opioid crisis. Trump can fix everything immediately: “This was an idea that I had: if we can teach young people not to take drugs. The fact is, if we can teach young people and people generally not to start, it’s really really easy not to take them.”
Suppose it would be wrong to look forward to the next time anyone in the Trump family needs minor surgery, and asks their doctor for prescription painkillers. #Justsayno
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cop-a-feel jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Nationals jokes, Stanford jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 10, 2017
New United Airlines theme song – “Rhapsody in Black and blue.”
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FCC dropped a proposal that would have allowed passengers to use cellphones in flight. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in the US?
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Wintry weather tonight in Chicago. Blame whoever said hell would freeze over before they raised a championship banner at Wrigley. @Cubs
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Seriously considering long light-less history of #WrigleyField you’d think Cubs might honor history with a day home opener #followthemoney
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Over 100 year drought for a #Cubs World Series win. Thanks to TV scheduling and rain many kids will be in bed before that flag is raised.
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SF Giants Jarrett Parker has a batting average. You know it’s been bad when .071 (bingo) is an improvement.
#SFGiants
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LB Junior Galette was arrested after a fight during a Spring Break festival in Biloxi, MS. He was charged with disorderly conduct and failure to comply.
Normally the Redskins wait until they get on the field to be this embarrassing.
Not that I really wish him any harm. But I sure don’t mind seeing Sergio Romo lose a game in a Dodgers uniform for a change.
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4 shot, 2 fatally in #SanBernandino school shooting. Not “terrorism” just average US domestic gun incident. Move along nothing to see here.
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An 8 yr-old boy shot this morning in a San Bernandino classroom has died. Clearly this would not happen if our children were armed.
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The biggest problem with all these murder-suicides is that these asshole killers always do it in the wrong order. #SanBernardino
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Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley resigned today after he was arrested on campaign finance charges. Moral of story, if you’re going to be a family values Republican, have affairs on your own dime. #DavidVitter
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Sean Spicer, “if you gas a baby, expect a response.” So other ways of killing babies are acceptable?
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The @NYTImes & @ProPublica both won a #PulitzerPrize. Standby for Pulitzers overrated tweets in 3.2.1….
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Bubba Watson apologized after missing the cut at the Masters and telling a reporter “Golf is tough; I don’t know if you’ve ever played it. But writing articles is easy.”
Nobody tell Trump, in his spare time he’ll start a magazine.
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Donald Trump Jr. has announced he will not run for NY governor in 2018. And he could have gotten at least 20% of the vote.
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Right about now it might be almost as easy to defend the Trump White House on MSNBC as to do PR for United.
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Did someone tell United the man was wearing leggings?
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So after weekend’s incident will United change policy on removing people from overbooked flights? Smaller people first. Easier to carry.
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New potential advertisement for the United credit card? Priority boarding, a free checked bag & we won’t drag you off the plane?
From “careerbliss.com” – O’Hare International Airport Security Officers earn $25,000 annually, or $12 per hour, which is 4% lower than the national average for all Security Officers at $26,000 annually and 84% lower than the national salary average for all working Americans.
An Airport Security Officer was apparently responsible for dragging that passenger off United’s flight. #yougetwhatyoupayfor
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Seriously, and I wasn’t there, but if United was giving $800 plus a hotel and meals to get off the plane, you’d think they’d have upped the ante and tossed in a rental car..
It’s a 5 hour drive for heavens sake, even with a bathroom break.
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I see a great Lyft or Uber commercial…. for $800 guessing you could get driven to Louisville.
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One more practical thought -okay, any halfway decent travel agent knows something about Louisville. Especially if you’ve ever booked anyone to a certain Derby in Kentucky. It’s 90 minutes from Lexington and 2 hours from Cincinnati. (United flies to both from Chicago) So a relatively easy drive if you fly crew or passengers there. #MakeAmericaGeographicallyCompetentAgain.
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On the other hand, perhaps we should thank United. For a brief not-to-shining moment they have “united” Americans in outrage.
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Pulitzer jokes, United Airlines jokes, United jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 25, 2017
Lebron James is not happy with the Cavs. “We’re not better than last year, from a personnel standpoint.” And last year Cleveland was so heartbreaking close….
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Following on our President’s lead the Chicago Cubs have asked for investigation to prove they also won 2016 World Series games 1, 3 & 4.
Tostitos has come up with “alcohol sensor bags.” While the bag won’t be sold to the public at least this year, they will light up green if you breathe on them and the sensor doesn’t detect alcohol. If it detects alcohol the bag will flash red with a “don’t drink and drive” message.
Cool idea, but if you’ve got to go looking for a Tostitos bag to decide if you’ve had too much to drink, you’re probably drunk.
(and if you finish the bag, alcohol might not be why you’re impaired.)
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The San Diego bowl group announced they are terminating Poinsettia Bowl to focus on the Holiday Bowl. Hope this doesn’t bring colossal disappointment to some .500 team this year who will just miss the postseason.
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#BrentMusberger is retiring. Any way we can convince Brent to take Joe Buck with him?
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Sad. Mary Tyler Moore, 80, has passed away. In her honor, all women should embrace their inner spunk. – “You’ve got spunk. I hate spunk.”
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In practice for Sunday’s Pro Bowl in Orlando Ravens kicker Justin Tucker hit a 75-yard field goal. Stay tuned for Sean Spicer to say tomorrow how President Trump made an 80-yard one in college intramurals.
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White House plans to take action to address governmental “inappropriate” social media use. Psst. Look in the Oval Office
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Trump vows no federal aid for sanctuary cities like NY & San Francisco. Does that mean we can stop paying federal taxes too?
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GOP Rep. Lamar Smith. “Better to get your news directly from the President. In fact,it might be the only way to get the unvarnished truth.” #whythereisnosatire
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And here we go….President Donald Trump tweeted early today that he is ordering a “major investigation” into voter fraud. Like his major investigation into Obama’s birth certificate?
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This makes sense: U.S. intelligence says evidence of Russia hacking our election, so Trump going to investigate voters in blue states. #WTF?
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So can some journalist who wants to be next Woodward/Bernstein please find some evidence of illegal GOP voters?
Trump on his CIA speech: “I got a standing ovation. In fact, they said it was the biggest standing ovation since Peyton Manning had won the Super Bowl and they said it was equal.”
Guess the President doesn’t remember in 2016 Denver won the Super Bowl in SPITE of Peyton Manning.
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So now torture is a good thing. I forgot, what position did @realDonaldTrump appoint Jack Bauer to?
From T.C. So I went to see the movie “Patriots Day” and discovered that it had nothing to do with football, Brady or Coach Belichick. Next on the agenda is to watch record 14 Oscars nominations film “La La Land”. This movie is about the state of Donald Trump’s brain, right?
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Now that the Women’s March is over, what’s next? Well, for starters hope everyone involved is registered to vote and plans to exercise that right. Beyond voting, it’s not too soon to start paying attention to candidates for the future. And while congressional and most state elections aren’t until 2018, there are many municipal and local elections in 2017, which matter too, a lot. City councils and school boards not only set local policy, but also they can be stepping stones for higher office.
In addition, contact your state and local elected officials when you feel strongly about something, They do keep track of numbers.
But short version, get involved and stay involved. The country you save may be your own.
And now back to your regularly scheduled snark.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bowl game jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, tostitos jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 2, 2016
So expecting the @Cubs to repeat in 2124?
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After tonight I am really going to miss baseball. But I am NOT going to miss Joe Buck.
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Clearly the worst position in sports to be in is to have a 3-1 series lead? #Cubs #Indians #Warriors #Cavs
Well that was fun, so what time is game 8? #WorldSeries
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So many ex-A’s making a difference in #WorldSeries maybe @Athletics should get a playoff share.
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#DavidRoss becomes only man in @MLB history to hit home runs off both #AndrewMiller & #MarkGrace #WorldSeries
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Try explaining this game to someone who’s never paid attention to baseball before? #WorldSeries @Cubs @Indians
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And even to serious baseball fans, what is this sport being played by pitchers who can’t go 6 innings?
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Time to just cancel school in #Chicago & #Cleveland tomorrow already? #WorldSeries #Game7 @Cubs @Indians
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We interrupt warm fuzzy World Series feelings to remind everyone about the Cubs’ owners, the Ricketts famiiy. They launched “Future45,” a conservative PAC who want the 45th President to be a Republican. They spent big against Bernie, and are now spending many millions in pro-Trump attack ads against Hillary Clinton.
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Today is #NationalStressAwarenessDay How could have I forgotten that?
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#AnthonyWeiner mess is disgusting enough to make Democrats long for good old days when our most problematic douchebag was #JohnEdwards.
Awful morning news to hear two policemen ambushed and fatally shot in Iowa. Waiting for Trump to angrily tweet about the news for his campaign. Oh, wait, American-born white male suspect with a Confederate flag Never mind.
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#PaulRyan campaigns across the country for #GOP like he’s playing Password, and #Trump is the secret word he can’t say.
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Trump tweet today about how he is “going to repeal and replace ObamaCare. We will have MUCH less expensive and MUCH better healthcare.”
Of course Trump won’t tell us how he’s going to do this. Like everything else it’s a secret….
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So some GOP congressmen are now worried about a potential impeachment crisis with Hillary Clinton over emails. Haven’t they been planning already to come up with some impeachment reason on Nov 9? When they could find time between votes repealing Obama.
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In North Texas, someone blocked an official polling place sign with a Trump sign, and glued razor blades into the bottom of the placard. A poll worker sustained minor cuts while removing it. #Stayclassy
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 3-1 jokes, A's jokes, Cubs jokes, election jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
October 26, 2016
4 hours & 4 minutes for 5-1 Chicago win. Good thing Cubs have plenty of fans because these first two World Series games would not convert many to MLB
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Blowout baseball games are really only fun to watch if you’re a fan of the team doing the blowing-out. Another reason Fox might consider showing more regular season games to create national rather than regional interest….
Just one game and one win, but tonight did Lakers get a taste of what it might have been like to have Kobe Bryant retire sooner?
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Yoenis Cespedes has opted out of his #Mets contract and plans to test free agent market. Because 4 teams in 6 years wasn’t enough?
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Looking at all these bundled-up players in 40 degree temperatures during the World Series makes me nostalgic for Candlestick Park.
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A police report on the crash that took the life of Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez found “a strong odor of alcohol” and evidence that whoever was driving the boat was speeding and driving with “recklessness” that was “exacerbated by the consumption of alcohol.”
Sad, really sad. But “I am shocked, said nobody.”
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American is going to be the next major U.S. airline to start selling “Basic” economy fares – no changes, standby, seat assignments, etc. So how low can they go – the option to fly as cargo?.
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Newt Gingrich tweeted today “‘For the record Megyn Kelly is wrong, I don’t have anger management issues. I do have media bias issues!” Wonder if he was shouting while he wrote it.
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Story out of Australia is that two beautiful young women who were contestants on the “The Bachelor” did indeed find love. With each other. Hmm, if this becomes a thing might increase U.S. men’s viewership.
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All of this “repeal and replace” about Obamacare that the GOP is spouting. Of course what they don’t spout is that they want to replace it with nothing.
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Trump says he’s going to spend over $100 million on his campaign before election day. Has someone told him he can’t take this loss off his taxes?
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Trump today “I will never, ever take the African-American community for granted — unlike Hillary.”‘
Okay but while the Donald castigates Hillary for what she didn’t do in the Senate, why, with all his decades-old business empire can Trump not name a thing he has done as far as minority hiring and other outreach?
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Donald Trump said last week that “I will reverse Obama’s executive orders & concessions towards Cuba.” Meaning besides travel that Cuban rum & cigars will become illegal again. Forget sexual assault, racism, healthcare etc, this might be the “trump” card for Hillary to woo white men.
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From Alex Kaseberg “A youth football team was kicked out of its league in Rhode Island when they snuck a grown man into their lineup. Man, Johnny Manziel cannot catch a break.”
Folks I suppose became suspicious when the team beat the Browns.
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From Paul Lander. Indeed, the gift that keeps on giving: “Happy 69th Birthday, @HillaryClinton. Don’t forget to send the Republican Party a thank you for the gift of nominating Trump.”
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bachelor jokes, Candlestick jokes, Cubs jokes, Gringrich jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Mets jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 18, 2016
Cubs looking tonight like this may not be their century either.
At Dodger Stadium tonight Cubs fans were chanting “We don’t quit.” I think they meant to replace the “Qu” with an “H.”
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#Cubs hitters looked so lost wonder if to get in sync they’ll offer to pay #SFGiants bullpen to fly in & pitch batting practice?
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Way to grow the Major League Baseball. The ALCS with Cleveland vs. Toronto is on during the day when many are at work. And the NLCS with the Cubs vs LA is on FS1, a channel many people, and most hotels, don’t get.
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Saddest thing about #NLDS is that 1 inning from #SF bullpen might have kept us from a great #Dodgers #Giants series for pennant. @MLB
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About time to put pictures of the #Cubs‘ bats on milk cartons. #NLCS
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If Donald Trump was a baseball coach he’d have been thrown out of the game by now.
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How statesmanlike of him: John McCain “”I promise you that we will be united against any Supreme Court nominee that Hillary Clinton, if she were president, would put up.”
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Scary Trump tweet of the morning. “41% of American voters believe the election could be “stolen” from DonaldTrump due to widespread voter fraud. – Politico”
What’s scariest is that Trump’s antics have convinced enough people that the tweet is accurate.
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So Donald Trump is bringing President Obama’s half-brother Malik to tomorrow’s debate. Malik, 58, while still a U.S.citizen, is a Muslim who lives mostly in Kenya, has been accused of domestic violence, and has at least 3 current wives, the last who he married in 2011 when she was a teenager. Just the kind of man the Donald thinks we need more of in this country….
Bill Clinton’s accusers, Barack Obama’s half-brother…. who’s next for @realDonaldTrump to bring to debates. Anyone seen Tipper Gore lately?
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Curt Schilling, upset at comparisons to his bloody sock game “Please don’t tweet at me about Bauer.He cost himself a start, likely more, AND his teammates, and fans, dicking around with a drone. #stupid”
Of course there’s no comparison. Nor is there any comparison to costing the state of Rhode Island $50 million by “dicking around” with a video game company. #38Studios #stupid
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For all those comedy writers worried about going through withdrawal for material after November 8; Curt Schilling announced today on Twitter he is going to run for the Senate in 2018 against Elizabeth Warren. #passthepopcorn
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If #CurtSchilling runs for Senate in Massachusetts, how long until #ElizabethWarren tells him to put a bloody sock in it?
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Now Wikileaks’ Julian Assange is claiming that John Kerry cut off his internet at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. And Kerry is thinking, if we had that power don’t you think we would have done it a long time ago?
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Actually it turns out Ecuador temporarily restricted Julian Assange’s internet access at their embassy. Might have been easier just to switch him to Windows 2000
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So tired of “urgent” fundraising emails ” Like this one “don’t abandon Hillary, please when she needs us most” (before the last debate.)
Right about now what Hillary really needs is for Donald just to keep talking.
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Marc Ragovin “Melania says Donald should be excused for his crass remarks about women because he was egged on by Billy Bush. Hey, if you can get outwitted by Billy Bush, you iz too dumb to be president.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ALCS jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, FS1 jokes, Janice Hough, malik obama jokes, NLCS jokes, schilling jokes, trump joke
Comments: 9 Comments
August 27, 2016
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything….” Who knew Dickens was an #SFGiants fan?
#SFGiants congratulate #Cubs on extra innings win against #Dodgers. Hope for more wins & longer games before Giants go to #Wrigley next week
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Meanwhile, Atlanta Braves put on a good clinic to explain why they have worst record in MLB. SFGiants say thank you.
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Texas Rangers reliever Jeremy Jeffress was arrested in Dallas last night for alleged DUI. Okay, the guy is only making $519,000 this year, but shouldn’t that at least cover UberX?
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A professor at Iowa is complaining that the school’s “Herky the Hawk” mascot is too angry looking and is an invitation to “aggressivity and even violence.” WTF? This gal better never get a job with Notre Dame and their Fighting Irish.
Colin Kaepernick’s accomplishment tonight – giving local sports fans reason to turn the channel to a fun #SFGiants game. #GBvsSF
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Hawaii vs.Cal down under tonight. Aussies really enjoyed the game: “We get it, in American college football you don’t play defense.”
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Dallas owner Jerry Jones said “it’s not good” about a TMZ video showing rookie Ezekiel Elliott at a marijuana dispensary the day of the Cowboys-Seahawks preseason game.
And really, what was Elliott thinking? You are supposed to send your posse to buy your pot.
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Some talk that if Hunter Pence was still in right field last night in the 9th inning of the SF Giants Dodgers game, he might have dove for Corey Seager’s bloop single and saved Matt Moore’s no hitter. Or, the way this season has gone for the Giants lately, Pence might have landed on his collarbone, broken it, and been out for the year.
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In Toronto, a man has been arrested for murder after allegedly killing 3 people- and injuring a 4th, in a seeming random rampage with a crossbow. Awful, but it WAS Canada. hence the crossbow.. Imagine if he lived in the US. #ifonlyhewasarmed
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North Korea says it has successfully tested a submarine-launched missile, and Kim Jong Un says the U.S. mainland is now within striking range of his nuclear weapons. Meanwhile Dennis Rodman says he could still play in the NBA.
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NJ Governor Chris Christie fired staffer Bill Stepien over Bridgegate, calling him “deceitful,” Now NBC reports Donald Trump has hired Stepien as his national field director “with a focus on voter turnout in the final months of the campaign.”
What does this really translate to, closing a few bridges in Democratic precincts?
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Give the devil his due. I can’t stand Julian Assange of Wikileaks. But he has a point “‘from the point of view of an investigative journalist organization like WikiLeaks, the problem with the Trump campaign is that it’s actually hard for us to publish much more controversial material than what comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth every second day,”
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Harold Bornstein, Trump’s doctor, wrote a note last fall declaring the Donald to be the “healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Today Bornstein said he wrote the note in 5 minutes.
Well, of course, because Trump has the bestest doctor ever, the fastest and bestest.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: assange jokes, Cubs jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, NFL jokes, North Korea jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 15, 2016
To show that they take domestic violence seriously, the Chicago Cubs fired an employee who played Prodigy’s song “Smack my bitch up” after Aroldis Chapman pitched yesterday. Guess the employee couldn’t throw a 100 mph fastball.
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Michael Phelps says he is “‘Done, done, done – and this time I mean it,’ with swimming. And adds he wants to focus on his fiance and baby. Let’s see, the kid will hit the “terrible twos” in 2018. Should be plenty of time for Phelps to get back in the water for Tokyo 2020
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Despite Santiago Casilla giving up a 3 run game winning home run with 2 outs in the 9th, SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy said if the team needed closer tonight it would be Casilla again. SFGiants fans thinking of asking for a dispensation to keep beer stands open into 9th.
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Once again, the curse of #Skeeter? . Missing #MattDuffy #SFGiants
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All these “Breaking News” stories re silver & bronze medalists for women’s balance beam. Would be nice if they led with who won? #USAUSAUSA
Some social media snark about the story that Bernie Sanders bought a big vacation lake house in Vermont for $575,000. No snark from California, where residents are still in shock “You can buy a house for $575,000?”
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So they say the security scare that resulted in thousands of people being evacuated from JFK Airport last night may have simply been caused by a lot of really loud cheering for Usain Bolt.
Well, at least this year’s Yankees and Mets won’t be causing the same potential security problem
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#RudyGiulaini today – U.S. did not face “any successful radical Islamic terrorist attacks” before Obama took office #NYCMayor #youhadonejob
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South Carolina Rep. Mark Sanford said yesterday Donald Trump should release his tax returns because not doing so “would hurt transparency in our democratic process.” And then presumably Sanford went off again to hike the Appalachian trail.
Marc Ragovin thinks Trump will release his tax returns when Sanford releases his itineraries.
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Think I’ve got this straight. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go up, he is getting his message out. When Trump says things that make his poll numbers go down, it is the fault of the “disgusting and corrupt” media.
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Ivanka Trump posted a picture on Instagram of herself on vacation in Dubrovnik with Wendi Murdoch, who is Vladimir Putin’s girlfriend. Now, heck, if they’re friends they’re friends. But imagine if Chelsea Clinton posted such a picture? Or if one of the Obama girls posted a picture with the daughter of a Muslim leader?
Regarding the picture of Trump’s daughter Ivanka Trump and Putin’s girlfriend Wendi Deng Murdoch, I would understand their anger if paparazzi invaded their privacy. But Ivanka posted the vacation shot herself. #WTF?
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Trump today “Those who do not believe in our Constitution, or who support bigotry and hatred, will not be admitted for immigration into the country.”
And then did he reassure his supporters that none of them will be deported?
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T.C ‘s comment on “Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
“Lol, you only need bait when the fish aren’t jumping right into your boat!”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Giuliani jokes, ivanka trump, Janice Hough, Trump jokes, wendi murdoch jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 31, 2016
Madison Bumgarner today had a pinch-hit lead off double for the SF Giants. Too bad manager Bruce Bochy doesn’t have more bench players who can hit like him. #PItcherswhorake
After Saturday’s SF Giants win manager Bruce Bochy was talking about deciding who to pinch hit: “Of course I’ve got Bumgarner on my left shoulder wearing me out”. And Bochy thought it was bad before today…
So at what point does some opposing pitcher write on wall of SFGiants visitor’s dugout “Do NOT throw fastballs to #40?”
The Chicago Cubs put pitcher Travis Wood in left & he made a great catch against ivy at Wrigley. Uh, oh, hope Madison Bumgarner isn’t watching. He’ll want to play the outfield next.
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Then in the bottom of the 12th, Jon Lester won it for the Cubs with a suicide squeeze. #Pitcherswhokindofrake?
Earlier today the Warriors’ Draymond Green posted a picture of his junk on Snapchat, then took it down about 10 min later “I kinda hit the wrong button and it sucks. It was meant to be private. We’re all one click away from placing something in the wrong place and I suffered from that this morning.”
Uh, “WE’RE all…?” #Ifsocialmediaisoutlawedonlyoutlawswillhavesocialmedia?. Or more like #Cantfixstupid
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The Brewers are 15 games out in 4th place, and catcher Jonathan Lucroy just exercised no-trade clause to veto trade to the first place Indians. Maybe just as well for Cleveland, has anyone checked Locroy for concussions?.
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The Yankees have traded Andrew Miller, effectively surrendering for the season. Time for ESPN really to focus on football
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After tweets of hers from 2013-14 showed her repeatedly using the “N” word, Miss Teen USA, Karlie Hay, 18, apologized, saying “several years ago I had many personal struggles and found myself in a place that is not representative of who I am as a person.”
So, Ms. Hay is young, but is she aspiring to be a GOP speechwriter?
Waiting for the Trump excuse, “I alone can debate myself.”
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Let me see if I have this right. Trump supporters believe parents of children who were killed accidentally by illegal immigrant drivers were onstage for the good of our country, but the parents of a Muslim-American who died in Iraq were telling their story only for political propaganda….
From T.C. “Sign that I’m bringing to AT&T Park. Hunter Pence has read The Constitution!!”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, trade deadline jokes, trade jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 27, 2016
Virginia McLaurin, 107, went to her first MLB game this week at Nationals Park. 107. Wow. To put this in perspective, Ms. McLaurin was born only two years after the Cubs won their last World Series.
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Mets jump on Dodgers phenom Julio #Urias, 19, for 3 runs in 2.2 innings. So is that considered child abuse?
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SF Giants pitchers have had an incredible run over the past two weeks. Then a day off. Now a series at Coors Field. So it must sort of have felt like the victorious Christians felt before they had to face the Lions.
#MattCain is apparently hurt. Is it too soon for the #SFGiants to talk to the #Angels about a trade for Timmy? #Lincecum.
Albert Suarez may or may not have a long career for #SFGiants. But he’s already joined club of #Giants pitchers with RBIs. #PitchersWhoRake
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Jackie Bradley Jr. went 0-4 last night, snapping his hit streak at 29 games. So he was only a little over a month away from potentially catching Dimaggio.
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At the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, someone left a pair of glasses on the floor, and museum goers figured they were art. Well, at least SFMOMA didn’t charge a special exhibition fee for them.
Link below. #nottheOnion
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/art/news/a-pair-of-glasses-were-left-on-the-floor-at-museum-and-everyone-mistook-it-for-art-a7049551.html
Apparently Texas’s Nihar Janga, 11, one of the Scripps National Spelling Bee co-champions, has his own “X’ celebration display that mimicks Dez Bryant’s. And Janga went through the ritual while ignoring his co-champions attempt at a high-five.
Bryant wants to take the kid to a game. But isn’t it nice to know that in this country, now even nerds can be hot dogs. Sigh.
A new study shows a possible link between cell phone use and brain cancer. The survey could be flawed. Or it could be mean bitch karma being really tired of almost running into or being run into by all these idiots focused on their phones while walking, driving etc.
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Marco Rubio confirmed his decision not to run for re-election to the Senate, citing the fact that he wouldn’t challenge his friend the GOP lieutenant governor who is already running. So Rubio doesn’t also want to challenge Rick Santorum’s record of losing his seat by 18 points?
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Donald Trump now says he won’t debate Bernie Sanders because it would be “inappropriate.” Uh, can anyone remember a time when the Donald gave a rat’s ass about anything being “inappropriate?”
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Trump is going to spend part of Sunday at the “Rolling Thunder” motorcycle rally in D.C. Hmm, this inspires a new potential nickname for the Donald – “Trolling Blunder.”
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Donald Trump, in Fresno, patting himself on the back for coming to California ““No other Republican would come here for dinner.”
Surprised he didn’t add, “Not that we don’t have better restaurants at Trump Tower.”
Trump’s latest in California “There is no drought.” So is he going to have Mexico build walls to keep the rain in too?
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: art jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 22, 2016
Thousands of San Francisco fans who went to the Giants Cubs game and felt bad about missing the #Warriors vs #Thunder are feeling a lot better about their decision
And a national #ESPN audience just found out why #SFGiants mantra is #WedontneednostinkinDH #Madbum #Pitcherswhorake
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Meanwhile, Buster Olney reported on ESPN that today was the latest date in the MLB season since 1947 for the Cubs and Giants to play each other with both teams in first place. Once again, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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But Billy Donovan works all year to get the Thunder focused. And looks like – for now – what it really took was Draymond Green’s kick to Steven Adam’s groin.
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Dodgers win 9-5 in 17 innings over the Padres. San Diego then gets on a plane to San Francisco, where they play the Giants tomorrow. Pitcher Drew Pomeranz is starting. Assume he’s been told he’s pitching a complete game.
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So is there a 17th inning stretch? #Dodgers #Padres
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Not to say Lebron flopped Saturday night, but he fell faster and harder without a serious hit than Jeb Bush’s one-time poll numbers.
Still kind of a surfeit of riches in the SF Bay Area, with the Warriors and Sharks in the playoff semi-finals, and the Giants in first place. Fortunately for fans of humility, the 49ers’ training camp is right around the corner.
When I see all these #GameofThrones posts I understand how my non-sports fan friends must feel about all my sports posts.
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A two-day sting in Simpsonville, S.C., netted 54 arrests, 28 accused prostitutes and 26 men accused of soliciting them. Simpsonsville has a population of about 20,000. There really must not be much to do in town.
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Two Tennessee pastors were arrested this weekend for answering an online ad to have sex with an underage girl. So add another category to those we want to keep out of public bathrooms?
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From T.C. “Phil Mickelson is planning to change that KPMG hat that he wears to KMPG – Keep My Personal Gains.”
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Okay, time for one of those serious snarky posts again. Americans are nervous about terrorism, and we give up a lot of our liberties and spend billions for safety. Yet, in the U.S. last year, over 1,000 women were killed as a result of domestic violence. Where’s the fear, outrage, and $$$$?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, groingate, Janice Hough, kickgate, NBA jokes, Thunder jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
May 21, 2016
Today was the #Preakness. Otherwise known to millions as the race that answers the question. “Do we care about the #Belmont this year?”
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#Exaggerator wins the #Preakness. Hope this isn’t an omen about #DonaldTrump
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Saturday’s rainy #Preakness Stakes had almost as much mud flying around as the Presidential race.
Now that #Exaggerator has won the #Preakness is he telling other horses about the #Belmont and his potential #TripleCrown win?
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While the Preakness was a good race, the sad story at Pimlico was that two other horse died earlier at the track today, one from a heart attack after winning a race, one after falling and breaking her leg. But wonder how many people are decrying horse racing while taking another bite of their hamburger or hot dog.
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The Oklahoma legislature is calling for the impeachment of President Obama over his bathroom rights directive, which they say is “biblically wrong.” Fine then, if it’s all about morals, shouldn’t they also be trying to get that “I’m just a girl who can’t say no” song out of their state musical? #OklahomanotOK
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Apparently some Americans are rethinking travel to Europe in the wake of 66 people being killed in the Egypt Air crash. So they’ll stay home and drive this summer, where about 3,000 of us will get killed each month on the roads.
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Another day, more plumbing issues at O.co Coliseum before #As #Yankees game. Insert “sh*tty baseball teams” joke here”:
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A Willie Mays 1952 Topps rookie card just sold for $478,000 at auction. And millions of men thinking of their own childhood collections are silently screaming “Mom!!”
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Have many wonderful #Cubs fan friends. For some reason they are a little quieter today than yesterday. #SFGiants
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Matt Cain, who hadn’t had a win since last July, had his first win for the #SFGiants in 2016, along with his first hit, a two-run double. And the Giants hung on to win 5-3 So clearly the way Cain needs to win is simply supply his own RBIs.
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Although closer Santiago Casilla, who gave up a home run to start the 9th in a a 5-2 game, once again did his best to stimulate alcohol sales around the San Francisco Bay Area. #Torture #SFGiants
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In Santiago, two zoo lions were shot and killed after they mauled a man who jumped into their enclosure. Poor cats. And what a shame. Deprived the guy of a Darwin and the zoo of a reduced food bill.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, belmont jokes, Cubs jokes, exaggerator jokes, Janice Hough, oklahoma jokes, Preakness jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 7, 2016
Nyquist wins the Kentucky Derby. Hope confused fans don’t start throwing octopuses at him.
(Non-hockey fans, google “Red Wings” and “octopus.”)
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Waiting for conservatives to complain the Kentucky Derby glorifies athletes who will succeed, then go have lots of out-of-wedlock children.
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Hard to imagine sometimes we once had #KentuckyDerby telecasts without Tara Lipinski & Johnny Weir. #matchmadeinheaven?
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So many private jets at the #KentuckyDerby you’d think it was the GOP national convention.
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#Walmart says it is bringing back its “customer hosts” at the door. #MakeAmericaGreetAgain?
Who’d a thunk that #BartoloColon would be certain to end the 2016 season with more home runs than #PabloSandoval?
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SF Giants have not said publicly if they have made an offer to Tim Lincecum. Of course, the way Cain and Peavy have been pitching, and now today’s game ending in the 13th, they may sign him only if he can start Monday.
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Matt Duffy gets a walkoff hit in the 13th, as the Giants game finished 2 minutes before the NBA Western Conference semi-finals, thereby sparing millions of SF sports fans by minutes of having to decide between the SFGiants and the Warriors.
The Cubs in 2016 have a +101 run differential. To put this in perspective, the Yankees in 2016 have SCORED 100 runs.
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A American Airlines commuter flight was delayed two hours because a University of Pennsylvania math professor was working on a differential equation, and a woman passenger thought he might be “a terrorist because he was writing strange things on a piece of paper.”
The professor, who is Italian, was questioned and the “allegations were found to be non-credible.” #cantfixstupid
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Lauryn Hill was booed by fans in Atlanta after she showed up 2 hours late for a concert. She blamed it on her driver getting lost Gosh, if only someone could think of an invention to solve that kind of problem..
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At a high school outside of Boston, someone hacked selfies that girls sent to their boyfriends, and apparently created some additional fakes, then posted up to 50 pictures on Dropbox. Once again, so thankful to have grown up in a pre-social media age.
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Almost worth putting Elizabeth Warren on the Democratic ticket just for her comebacks. This tweet after Donald Trump said he was “driving her nuts “No, @realDonaldTrump – your racism, sexism & xenophobia doesn’t drive me nuts. It makes me sick. And I’m not alone”
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Trump is attacking Hillary over Bill’s extra-marital affairs “She’s married to a man that got impeached for lying.” Right, and the Donald would never have lied to the American people. Only Ivanka, and Marla, and…..?’
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bartolo Colon jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, math jokes, nyquist jokes, SFGiants jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
April 3, 2016
Two of the sweetest words in the English language – “Play Ball!”. #OpeningDay
Trump now says that John Kasich shouldn’t be allowed to run because he can’t win. Well, heck, the Cubs have been allowed to play baseball for the last century.
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Cardinals and Pirates opened up the MLB season today at PNC Park. Where the morning temperature was 33 degrees. Brrr… That’s almost as cold as a night game at Candlestick.
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Enjoyed the #WorldSeries, but anyone but me thinks interleague play on #OpeningDay sucks?
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PNC Park in Pittsburgh will be selling a new all-beef hot dog with Cracker Jack, macaroni and cheese, salted caramel sauce and fried jalapenos, on naan bread. The first ballpark food designed specifically to be sold to people who lose a bet?
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Stephen Schwartz, who composed “Wicked” and other Broadway hits, has banned his shows being produced in North Carolina because of the new anti-LGBT law, and wants others to join him. But really, can you actually put on a Broadway show without the LGBT community?
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Last night soccer star Abby Wambach was arrested for DUI in Oregon. Who says women athletes will never be the equals of men? Sigh.
(But to give Wambach credit, she posted about it on FB today with a full apology and no excuses…. that is not equal to many male athletes.)
Thon Baker, 19, a 7-ft tall basketball star from the Sudan, who graduated high school in Canada, has announced he will enter the NBA draft. What a shame, Baker could be missing some of the best months of his life in college.
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Marijuana advocates had a massive joint smoking rally outside the White House yesterday calling for legalization. Why stop there? Make pot smoking mandatory for Congress. #maybethentheycouldallgetalong
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The Golden State Warriors trailed after the first quarter against the Portland Trail Blazers, but then went on 6-0 run at end of 2nd quarter to lead by 7 at the half. And pulled away to win by 25. Worried Golden State fans were beginning to think team was mortal.
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The D.C. Madam’s lawyer says that her client records are online and could be released in 72 hours. As if this election wasn’t enough fun already?
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Oklahoma lost by 44 yesterday to Villanova. On a brighter note for Buddy Hield, at least he got a little practice in how games might be next year if he is drafted by the Lakers.
Donald Trump now says the current laws on abortion should remain unchanged. Give the Donald credit, most politicians take years to cover every side of an issue, he’s done it in less than a week.
Categories: baseball jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cubs jokes, interleague jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Opening day jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 16, 2016
This year like every year with the NCAA tournament many Americans fantasize about a 16 beating a 1. Well, the Lakers DID beat the Warriors….
Sellout crowd in Dayton for a #FirstFour game between Tulsa and Michigan. Just guessing there isn’t a lot to do in Dayton.
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Researchers are now saying that CTE could result from any contact sports. So maybe when Roger Goodell said that the risk playing youth football was similar to the risk of “sitting on your couch” he meant if your team’s play on Sunday (or in March Madness) caused you to start banging your head into the wall.
Apparently some of the Chicago Cubs are not happy with the new rules banning smoke-less tobacco for players at Wrigley Field. John Lackey” “We’re grown men. People in the stands can have a beer, but we can’t do what we want? That’s a little messed up.”
Uh, people in the stands can bet on the game at casinos too.
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Adam LaRoche retired and is giving up $13 million because the White Sox say he can’t keep bringing his 14 year-old son into the clubhouse. Just thinking if LaRoche hit say, .297 instead of the.207 he hit year the team would have not only still allowed the kid but designed him bats and washed his uniforms.
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One of United Airline’s new security questions for their Mileage Plus accounts is “What month is your best friend’s birthday?” And millions of men are going “WTF, I’m lucky if I can remember what month is my WIFE’S birthday.”
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At the Cincinnati Zoo today, a polar bear got out of its enclosure, but apparently has been “contained.” Who knows the reason for the escape. Maybe the bear thought it had a right to be armed?
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Donald Trump says “there could be riots” if he loses the nomination. As opposed to the riots if he wins it?
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So if Senate GOP won’t even consider Merrick Garland, who even Judge Roberts likes, they are saying they think they’ll get a better option from President Trump or Clinton? #batshitcrazy
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So if Hillary Clinton gets elected but the Dems don’t take back the Senate will Mitch McConnell declare in January 2017 that since it is only 36 months until the last year of her term it would be inappropriate to consider any pick she makes for the Supreme Court?
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So now some Republicans are saying they might consider President Obama’s Supreme court pick in November if Clinton wins the election. At which point Obama should pull back Garland and nominate someone to the left of RBG.
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Apparently a new Donald Trump ad against Hillary ad has footage of Clinton barking like a dog to mimic still another ad against her last month. The tag line? “We don’t need to be a punchline!”
And someone in the Trump campaign wrote that with a straight face….
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Jerry Springer said of the GOP primary “if they’re going to do my show, they should start paying me.” Are you kidding, there’s no way the Republican debates and primary process have had the calm, reasoned maturity of the Jerry Springer show. #bycomparison
“The president told me several times he’s going to name a moderate but I don’t believe him. [Obama] could easily name Merrick Garland, who is a fine man. He probably won’t do that because this appointment is about the election. So I’m pretty sure he’ll name someone the [liberal Democratic base] wants.”
Senator Orrin Hatch, MARCH 13, 2016.
I do not think I would play chess with Obama.
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Categories: airline jokes, GOP jokes, March madness jokes, Supreme court jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: basketball jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Merrick Garland jokes, NCAA jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 25, 2016
Major League Baseball has changed the rules this year to say runners must make a “bona fide” slide at second base. Chase Utley’s response – “It will definitely help keep guys healthy for sure.” Well, if Utley starts obeying the rule it will certainly keep opposing pitchers from throwing at his head….
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#MLB will limit mound visits this year to 30 seconds. Well how will players be able to decide on good wedding gifts? #Candlesticks
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Dexter Fowler, who turned down a 1-year $15.8 million qualifying offer with the Cubs, just ended up signing to return to Chicago for $8 million. And then I presume Fowler fired his agent.
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ESPN has named Albert Pujols’ contract with the Angels as the worst in MLB for 2016. Hmm, is this a challenge for Pablo Sandoval?
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Supermodel Chrissy Teigen published a cookbook (what, super models eat?) that included a picture of her dog wearing a collar with Teigen’s personal cellphone number on it. So Chrissy had to change her number.
Well, that ought to do wonders to dispel the image of dumb blondes.
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Spelling, another commie-pinko liberal concept: 
One good thing about tonight’s #GOPDebate, easy to listen from the kitchen while cooking dinner without turning up the sound. #nonstopshouting
The latest GOP debate knocked the latest mass shootings, in Kansas, right out of the top headline. Once again, just imagine the ratings these debates would get #ifonlytheywerearmed
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Carnival Cruise Lines is now selling a prepaid drink package that includes wine and spirits up to $50 per serving. With all due respect, if you drink stuff that is that high-end, just guessing you won’t be on Carnival.
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Emily Maynard won “the Bachelor,” and then after breaking up with the guy, became “the Bachelorette” got engaged again and broke up with him too. Now married to someone she didn’t meet on TV, Maynard has written a book “I said Yes”, because she thinks God “gave me the platform to help grow his kingdom.”
And God is thinking “What, it’s not enough that I’m getting blamed for Ted Cruz….”
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Former Mexico President Vincente Fox on Trump’s plans: “I declare, I’m not going to pay for that f—–g wall.” Well, if the Donald is elected, how long before Canadian PM Justin Trudeau decides they’ll pay for a wall to keep Americans out?
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In response to protests from anti-abortion activists Lands’ End has pulled an interview with Gloria Steinem from their website – the feature wasn’t about abortion, but was rather part of a series on “individuals who have made a difference in both their respective industries and the world at large.”
Well, there’s one company to take permanently off my shopping list.
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Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelor jokes, baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Cubs jokes, GOP debate jokes, Janice Hough, lands end jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 21, 2015
Guess #BackToTheFuture was as accurate a predictor as all those prophecies of the Rapture. #NLCS #Mets #Cubs
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So did original “Back to the Future” come out during Bartolo Colon’s rookie year? Not quite, but at 12 he was old enough to see it. #Mets
Well, at least this one’s not on Steve Bartman #Cubs #Mets #NLCS
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Joe Biden says he is not running for President, saying there is not enough time to mount an effective campaign. And about a dozen GOP candidates are saying “What’s an effective campaign?”
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Maybe the #Cubs had to lose. With #JoeBiden dropping out of Presidential race, God didn’t want to give comedy writers a 2nd blow in one day
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The Mets’ Daniel Murphy is looking at a big payday next season. But as far as endorsement contracts, just thinking Murphy might be regretting those anti-gay comments he made in March.
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Chris Christie wants to stop flights from NJ to Cuba. Is he afraid too many New Jerseyans will defect.
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United sent out an email today saying they had completed Wi-Fi installations on
791 aircraft, representing 92% of our domestic fleet 91% of our international fleet. And on about half of those planes, the Wi-Fi actually works.
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Texas Monthly wrote this week about a phrase they use in Norway to describe a situation as “totally crazy” – “Helt Texas.” (The literal translation, “quite Texas.”)
Apparently not many Norwegians have been to Florida?
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Former Michigan coach Brady Hoke said he would have have punted on fourth down with 10 seconds left last week against Michigan State. Uh, Brady Hoke wouldn’t have had the lead with 10 seconds left against Michigan State.
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The NHL Columbus Blue Jackets have fired coach Todd Richards after an 0-7 start. Surprised reactions across the country. “Columbus has a hockey team?” and “the NHL has started already?”
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The rumors aren’t going away that Marshawn Lynch was drag racing Seahawks teammate Fred Jackson when he crashed. If true will Lynch’s defense be that he was just in a hurry to get somewhere so he wouldn’t be fined?
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Now that Paul Ryan is making time with his family a requirement for his being Speaker maybe he can use his clout to get the “Family Medical and Insurance Leave” act out of purgatory in the House Ways and Means Committee where it has been languishing this year. Wonder if he knows the chair of the committee? #sarcasm
(Ryan IS the chair of the committee.)
Am trying to imagine what the GOP would do if Hillary Clinton said one non-negotiable thing if she becomes President would be making some time every week for her granddaughter.
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Bristol Palin has apparently come to a child support agreement with her first baby daddy Levi Johnston. Which is probably a good thing, as guessing Bristol won’t be getting that $250,000 plus a year any more as a spokeswoman for abstinence.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes. election jokes
Tags: Cubs jokes, Daniel Murphy jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 18, 2015
So the temperature in New York is under 40 degrees at game time tonight. Maybe they were right when they said hell would freeze over before the Cubs got close to another World Series again.
If this keeps up even LGBT New Yorkers will be hugging Daniel Murphy #NLDS #Cubs #Mets
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The Detroit Lions won their first game today. So presumably the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers and 2008 Detroit Lions Teams broke open a case of generic beer.
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Apparently fire alarms were pulled around 530a on the two floors of the Seattle hotel where the Carolina Panthers were staying. So sounds like the 13th man might be a hotel employee?
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Not that it worked to help the Hawks though. Seattle may well not get back to the postseason with their fourth loss and late-blown lead of the season. But they are looking like the undisputed “winner” to fill in the blank of an old joke.
“Whats the difference between the ‘blank’ and a dollar? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.”
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Hard to believe watching their game that the #Ravens & #49ers were in the Super Bowl against each other only three years ago.
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The Steelers’ Cam Heyward was fined $5,787 for wearing eye black to honor his late father Craig “Ironhead” Heyward last week, but he chose to wear it again. No doubt the league will fine him again, this sort of thing distracts from all their official approved uniforms available for sale on NFL.com
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In Australia, a man went one year without sex to raise money for charity. Hmm, this could make Silicon Valley the philanthropy capital of the world.
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The Orlando Sentinel is reporting on a “marijuana epidemic” in college football. Uh, one, if it’s an epidemic, it’s been going on for decades. And two, “epidemic” generally means those who have symptoms want to be cured.
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Michigan’s AD is calling for fans to lay off the punter who fumbled at the end of the game yesterday resulting in a last second MSU game. Makes sense, one, he’s a kid, two, he’s not the one who called plays that in 4 downs couldn’t run 1 minute and 47 seconds off the clock. (Spartans had and used only 1 time out.)
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In Chicago, a 6-year-old boy fatally shot his 3-year-old brother playing “cops and robbers.” The father told police he bought the gun to protect his family. So I guess he should have armed the toddler too?
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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg. “Donald Trump claims he would have stopped 9/11. Apparently he would have hired the terrorists and then they would have had to declare bankruptcy.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Daniel Murphy jokes, Detroit Lions jokes, Mets jokes, NFL jokes
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October 13, 2015
A new study found that people who like their coffee black are more likely to be sadistic and psychopathic. Well, at least until they get their coffee.
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For the second consecutive week, an error by MNF officials could have changed the outcome of the game, (although the Steelers won despite the “loss” of 18 seconds on the clock.) Maybe we should start checking the officiating crew for DraftKings accounts?
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Playboy has announced they will stop publishing nude pictures. Shocking. Playboy is still publishing?
USC Athletic Director Pat Haden said that now former coach Steve Sarkasian was fired because he “did not meet USC’s standards.” Well, that I believe. Trojans, at 1-2, are 5th out of 6 teams in the Pac 12 South.
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Twitter is laying off 8% of their engineers. So presume the pink slips were done in under 140 characters #yourefired
The #Cubs‘ Anthony Rizzo hit a go-ahead home run on an 0-2 pitch. #SFGiants fans are having bad 2015 regular season flashbacks.
You think you might be having a bad week at work. Probably not as bad as Kevin Siegrist. (Cardinals relief pitcher. two losses in two days. Including the Cubs clincher today.)
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Ted Cruz is apparently moving up in the GOP polls. Just what kind of a world do we live in when Cruz isn’t close to looking like the most bat-shit crazy one?
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Donald #Trump is hosting #SNL on Nov. 7. Well, good for the Donald. He could use the exposure.
Some UberX drivers are supposedly planning not to work this weekend as a protest against the company’s low rates and lack of a tip option. Well, if this catches on it should be good for some serious surge pricing.
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So Lamar Odom is apparently “fighting for his life,” after being found unconscious at a Nevada brothel. Sad. Although perhaps the saddest people are the Kardashians since he’s no longer a “cast member” of their show.
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A new poll in California shows the President’s approval rating at 60%, the highest of his second term. #IblameObama
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Democrats were wondering how to get viewers interested in their first debate tonight. Maybe Bernie Sanders should have threatened to take out Hillary Clinton with a hard slide?
“The excitement can still be felt in the debate hall.” And CNN said it with a straight face. #DemDebate
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How could the #Demdebate possibly compete with stuff like this? Newt Gingrich said if called upon he would consider becoming Speaker of the House again, telling Sean Hannity “This is why George Washington came out of retirement – because there are moments you can’t avoid.” #yeshesaidit #nottheOnion
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If anyone thinks that these days women are treated with any sort of equality in politics, then they clearly missed the earth-shattering commentary that Clinton aide Huma Abedin wore ALMOST THE SAME British dress that Kate Middleton has been seen in last year. #nottheOnion (The U.K Daily Mail,
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: coffee jokes, Cubs jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, MNF jokes, playboy jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 30, 2015
Before today’s game against the Dodgers, the Cubs announced plans to wear pajamas on the flight back to Chicago. Wonder how many other contending teams are suddenly looking on Amazon for pjs that can be delivered overnight.
(Such a pajama party wouldn’t happen with the Red Sox. Between Panda, Oritiz and Machi, the team couldn’t find enough in their size.)
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The Los Angeles Dodgers have been no-hit twice in nine days. No punchline. I just admit to like writing it.
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The Little League World Series championship game was 13-11 after three innings. Did someone forget to bring the humidor? #LLWS
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Obama on Monday is going to restore Mt McKinley’s name to Denali. Waiting for the first GOP candidate to complain about the President trying to curry favor with foreigners.
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A study in China found greater longevity for people who most frequently ate hot and spicy foods. Pass the Habanero Tabasco – I’m gonna live forever.
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Washington has apparently had trade talks about RGIII. Shocking. Some team at this point might actually want him?
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Bobby Jindal said legal immigrants need to immediately “learn English, adopt our values, roll up our sleeves and get to work.” Okay, shouldn’t that also apply to people who are born here?
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Despite internet rumors, James Earl Jones has not died. So “Luke, I am STILL your father.”
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Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia says a picture of him with what appears to be a joint on a Atlanta hotel balcony was just him smoking a cigar., He also denies rumors he has asked the team to trade him to the Rockies or Mariners.
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The Des Moines Register reported these private emails Rick Perry’s Iowa campaign chair Sam Clovis about Trump. “I was offended by a man who sought and gained four student deferments to avoid the draft and who has never served this nation a day — not a day — in any fashion or way.”, “His comments reveal no foundation in Christ, which is a big deal.” and ““Why should I not be suspicious of someone who says he hates lobbyists and yet has spread millions of dollars around to Republicans and Democrats to enrich himself? ”
Who cares, another Trump hater? Except that Clovis quit with Perry and has now joined the Donald’s campaign as a national chairman. #moneymoneymoneymoney
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If they canceled the last week of #NFL preseason football would anyone care? Seriously?
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Chris Christie is now saying that Hillary Clinton’s e-mail scandal shows she caught a “disease” of “lawlessness” from the Obama administration. So where did the New Jersey staffers who closed that bridge catch THEIR disease.?’
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Travelers at Newark Airport’s Terminal C were evacuated tonight after a man entered through an exit door, and had to re-enter later through a security checkpoint. The scariest thing for many connecting passengers, they actually had to enter New Jersey.
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Horror film director Wes Craven has passed away at the age of 76. So shouldn’t he really have died on a Friday the 13th?
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At the VMAs, Kanye West admitted to rolling “a little something” and also said “As you have probably guessed, I have decided to run for president in 2020.” Well, Kanye is opinionated and egotistical enough, maybe he really wants to be on a 2016 ticket with Donald Trump.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, Denali jokes, Dodgers jokes, Jindal jokes, LLWS jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 