Posted tagged ‘A’s jokes’

Same time next century?

November 2, 2016

So expecting the @Cubs to repeat in 2124?

After tonight I am really going to miss baseball. But I am NOT going to miss Joe  Buck.

Clearly the worst position in sports to be in is to have a 3-1 series lead? #Cubs #Indians #Warriors #Cavs

 

Well that was fun, so what time is game 8? #WorldSeries

So many ex-A’s making a difference in #WorldSeries maybe @Athletics should get a playoff share.

#DavidRoss becomes only man in @MLB history to hit home runs off both #AndrewMiller & #MarkGrace #WorldSeries

 

Try explaining this game to someone who’s never paid attention to baseball before? #WorldSeries @Cubs @Indians

And even to serious baseball fans, what  is this sport being played by pitchers who can’t go 6 innings?

Time to just cancel school in #Chicago & #Cleveland tomorrow already? #WorldSeries #Game7 @Cubs @Indians

 

We interrupt warm fuzzy World Series feelings to remind everyone about the Cubs’ owners, the Ricketts famiiy. They launched “Future45,” a conservative PAC who want the 45th President to be a Republican. They spent big against Bernie, and are now spending many  millions in pro-Trump attack ads against Hillary Clinton.

Today is #NationalStressAwarenessDay How could have I forgotten that?

#AnthonyWeiner mess is disgusting enough to make Democrats long for good old days when our most problematic douchebag was #JohnEdwards.

 

Awful morning news to hear two policemen ambushed and fatally shot in Iowa. Waiting for Trump to angrily tweet about the news for his campaign. Oh, wait, American-born white male suspect with a Confederate flag Never mind.

#PaulRyan campaigns across the country for #GOP like he’s playing Password, and #Trump is the secret word he can’t say.

Trump tweet today about how he is “going to repeal and replace ObamaCare. We will have MUCH less expensive and MUCH better healthcare.”
Of course Trump won’t tell us how he’s going to do this. Like everything else it’s a secret….

So some GOP congressmen are now worried about a potential impeachment crisis with Hillary Clinton over emails. Haven’t they been planning already to come up with some impeachment reason on Nov 9? When they could find time between votes repealing Obama.

In North Texas, someone blocked an official polling place sign with a Trump sign, and glued razor blades into the bottom of the placard. A poll worker sustained minor cuts while removing it. #Stayclassy

Getting late early

August 31, 2016

Twitter just gave me the “Who to follow” suggestion of @NBCOlympics Makes sense, the suggestion is as delayed as everything else about this summer’s games.

 

#Rockies can’t hold 6 run lead after 8 innings against #Dodgers. On brighter note #SFGiants next week at Coors should never feel out of a game.

Congrats to #TyBlach,  the newest pitcher promoted to #SFGiants, leads PCL w/ 14 wins. May or may not have major league stuff. But now neither do Cain & Peavy

A’s traded #CocoCrisp to #Indians. Proving again most appropriate @Athletics bobblehead would have blank uniform & come with erasable pen.

Some talk that Colin Kaepernick is being attacked for his sitting down during the National Anthem because he is black, or at least bi-racial. Though have to think if Russell Wilson did it we’d be having a very different discussion.

 

Bleacher Report reporting that Colin Kaepernick has become persona non grata in the NFL.. One executive “In my career, I have never seen a guy so hated by front office guys as Kaepernick.”
Right, because he disrespected the flag. Murder, domestic violence, sexual assault, animal cruelty, those are all forgivable. #WTF?

 

On the other hand,  just guessing #MuhammadAli and #JackieRobinson would not wear socks featuring caps wearing police caps. #ColinKaepernick #WTF?

Congratulations to Rockies rookie Stephen Cardullo, who today on his 29th birthday got his 1st major league home run against the Dodgers in game 1, and a grand slam in game 2.
But maybe SFGiants pitchers might want to get some tape on him before heading to Coors next week.

Loved Dallas Braden on KNBR this morning, talking about Tebow trying to play MLB. He was talking about strength and size really not mattering in baseball – said Jose Altuve is a likely MVP and “he couldn’t get on rides at Disneyland.”

All of this outrage that donors to the Clinton Foundation might have done it to get access to the Clintons. As opposed to big campaign donors who give money to candidates out of the goodness of their hearts?

 

Yet another August 31 political fundraising email starting “I’m sorry to bother you twice on the same day…” Uh, no you aren’t, or you wouldn’t do it. #Justsayno

Donald Trump was off to Mexico before a speech tonight on immigration. And Hillary Clinton today is tweeting about the mental health crisis in America. Coincidence?

So while @realDonaldTrump was in Mexico did he try to teach them to make taco bowls as good as the ones in Trump Tower?

Why does everyone care so much about what Donald Trump said tonight about immigration.  No doubt he will probably will deny saying it tomorrow.

Trump on his meeting with Mexico’s President Nieto “We did discuss the wall. We didn’t discuss payment of the wall.” Well, with all those corporate bankruptcies this is probably the way the Donald is used to doing business.

Donald Trump “It’s our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.” Spoken by a man who has chosen immigrants for two of his three wives.

 

Today Trump said “we discussed the wall, we did not discuss who would pay for the wall.” Then Nieto said “I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall” Then Trump gave a speech saying Mexico would pay for the wall.
Maybe this is all preparation for the Donald’s next reality show “Dancing with the Truth.”

 

 

So is there a world leader @realDonaldTrump hasn’t insulted or accused of lying, besides #Putin?

Washed away

October 5, 2015

Oops. With “biblical” flooding in South Carolina, NBC’s weatherman Al Roker has now apologized for tweeting a selfie with him and his crew standing besides a flooded car. Guess it’s not just teenage girls who smartphones can make stupid.

The Supreme Court today denied to hear San Jose’s claim that MLB has illegally blocked the A’s attempt to move to the South Bay. Maybe the city would have done better if they framed the case as an issue of religious freedom. ‪#‎ibelieveinthechurchofbaseball‬

The CEO of Alaska said the airline lost his checked bag. And over at United they’re thinking “”For the first time? Amateurs.”

Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia has checked himself into alcohol rehab. Shocking. Not that an athlete goes to rehab, but he does it without being arrested first.

After the Saints OT win yesterday, Texas governor Greg Abbott said the Cowboys’ defense was “more porous than the Texas border.” Surprised he didn’t blame Obama.

Well, we now have the answer to the question – How are the ‪#‎Lions‬ going to screw up their chance to win tonight? ‪#‎MNF‬ ‪#‎DETvsSEA‬

So in close games in the 4th quarter should referees at CenturyLink Field just go ahead & put ‪#‎Seahawks‬ logo on their uniforms? ‪#‎DETvsSEA‬

American Apparel has filed for bankruptcy. American Apparel is still in business?

In Tennessee last Saturday, an 11-year-old boy shot and killed an 8-year-old neighbor when the girl wouldn’t let him play with her puppy. ‪#‎Ifonlyshewerearmed‬

So just wondering ,how long until even atheists in SF start calling for ‪#‎Tebow‬? ‪#‎SF49ers‬

Louisville men’s basketball coach Rick Pitino, doubling down on his denials of being aware of a former director of basketball operations paying escorts to have sex with players and recruits – “Not myself, not one player, not one trainer, not one assistant, not one person knew anything about any of this. If anyone did, it would have been stopped on a dime. Not one person knew anything about it.”

Not ONE person? Again I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

Edward Snowden now is telling the BBC that he’d “volunteered to go to prison with the government many times,” if he returns to the US but had not received a formal plea-deal offer. Guess it says something about life in Russia these days if an American jail is more appealing.

Last week it came out that the Libertarian candidate for Senate in Florida had sacrificed a goat, now he also admits that in a pagan ritual he drank its blood. Where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?

From Marc Ragovin –  “After only four games, the Miami Dolphins have axed head coach Bill Philbin. I guess Philbin now sleeps with the fishes.”

And guest driving on the bus to hell, T.C.  “Who knew that CC Sabathia was really CC & Seven Sabathia?”

An American Airlines pilot died last night in the cockpit of a red-eye flight to Boston. You know you’re on the bus to hell when the first thing you think of is “Airplane” jokes.

Serious thought for a change:

Jerry Brown, a former Jesuit seminarian, signed a bill in California today to allow terminally ill people to end their lives. The Catholic church opposes the bill, and the Governor said did not know what he would do if he were dying and in pain.
“But,I am certain, however, that it would be a comfort to be able to consider the options afforded by this bill. And I wouldn’t deny that right to others.”

Sometimes I think it’s a real shame Moonbeam is too old to run for President.

Midnight baseball

September 30, 2014

Most sleepless night for baseball players not with the Oakland A’s tonight? Angels catchers Chris Iannetta & Hank Conger having nightmares about trying to throw out Royals baserunners….

 

Kansas City Police (@kcpolice) for the winning tweet of the night   “We really need everyone to not commit crimes and drive safely right now. We’d like to hear the @Royals clinch this.”

 

#‎As‬ and ‪#‎Royals‬ were so unhappy about a single wild-card game they decided to play two. ‪#‎ALWildcard‬

 

(Personally I think a single game playoff is wrong, but if MLB is going to have one, maybe they should at least let teams keep their 40 man September rosters…  Though it might have been fun watching infielders pitch in the 16th or 17th inning…)

Wonder how many folks went to bed on the East Coast or turned off the TV in the 7th inning of the #ALWildcard and are waking up this am  “WTF?”

In Las Vegas, the Philadelphia 76ers are projected to win 15.5 games this season. That many?

 

So parents of young children were supposed to get all upset because ‪#‎HunterPence‬ dropped some F bombs on television but the AL Wild Card can feature a Viagra commercial with a sultry blonde woman saying “Plenty of guys have this issue — not just getting an erection, but keeping it.”

Some cynics are claiming that Chelsea Clinton’s baby was perfectly timed for media impact. Ridiculous. As if anyone looking for maximum publicity would ever time an event to coincide with George Clooney’s wedding.

Theo Epstein said the Cubs’ “goal is the NL Central title next year.” And millions of women are thinking “Yeah, our goal was to marry George Clooney too.”

Michael Phelps was arrested last night for his 2nd DUI. Clearly this man would be better off sticking to pot.

Biggest disappointment of MNF – Nobody found Gisele Bündchen to ask what she thought of her husband’s Patriots teammates afterwards.

New Lakers coach Bryon Scott says he loves that “pretty much everyone has written us off. That’s obviously fuel to the fire.” Alas the fire that is fueled might be longtime fans burning season tickets.

The NFL has quickly admitted they made a mistake penalizing Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah, who knelt in Muslim prayer last night after returning a interception for a touchdown. This would never have happened had Abdullah played for the Raiders, they don’t get any interceptions for touchdowns.

The Rocco Forte hotel chain is offering guests booked through certain travel agents free wi-fi for up to three devices in a room. And a lot of travelers are thinking “So how do we decide which three?”

#‎TonySparano‬ was named the ‪#‎Raiders‬ interim head coach. But really, aren’t all head coaches in Oakland “interim”?

The FCC today eliminated their local blackout rule for NFL games that are not sold out. although the league says they don’t expect to change policy, claiming in a statement “The NFL is the only sports league that televises every one of its games on free, over-the-air television.” And of course the statement was covered on NFL Network and ESPN.

Headline about the latest alleged Secret Service fail. “Obama Rode Elevator With Armed Ex-Convict.” Of course, these days an armed ex-con COULD be an elected official from an open carry state.

 

 

 

Hold that plunger?

August 6, 2014

The Oakland A’s have apparently approached an architect about building a new stadium on their current Coliseum site. Which would presumably mean the team would need an alternate location for a year or two. Considering how well their relations with the SF Giants have been going have the A’s thought about asking for a hold on that demolition of Candlestick?

 

Dan Snyder sensitivity award for the day goes to former Washington kicker Mark Moseley. Who says of the team name – “No red men have said anything derogatory to me about it.”

(my dad suggests changing the name to the “Washington Americans.”   As a way to offend everyone.)

Jack Nicklaus on Rory McIlroy: “I think Rory has an opportunity to win 15 or 20 majors… But you just don’t know what the guy’s priorities are going to be in life 10 years from now.” Possible translation, “can he keep it zipped?”

The director of “Frozen” will adapt “A Wrinkle in Time” for Disney. Mostly a cool thing. A whole new generation will learn about a “Tesseract.” And would like to see what Disney does with the Mrs. Ws, the Happy Medium, and Aunt Beast. But they’d better not turn Meg into a princess!

No injuries were reported when a United flight from Newark to Brussels made an emergency landing after a small fire in the galley. Shocking. A U.S. airline still actually cooks something in their galley?

The odds are out for NFL Week 1 Preseason games. And if you really care, you just might have a gambling problem.

The #SJSharks and #LAKings will match up at Levi’s Stadium Feb 21 for the first outdoor NHL game in Northern California. But wouldn’t a more appropriate venue have been Candlestick Park?.

While on a panel with Roger Goodell, John Madden said that he did not think 6, 7 and 8 year olds should be playing tackle football. But Goodell responded that HE had started playing tackle football when he was 7. Might explain a lot

#TigerWoods has announced he will play in the #PGAChampionship . Well for Thursday and Friday anyway.

Supermodel Chrissy Teigen, who says she was “pretty drunk”, threw out a pretty decent first pitch at last night’s Dodgers game. Maybe they should start stockpiling beer in the Rockies bullpen.

NBC Senior White House Correspondent Chris Jansing today, talking about Obama at the U.S.-Africa Leaders Summit. “Yeah, the fact that he’s from Kenya, and the fact that when he was elected there were expectations on the African continent that he would do great things for them.” Is Jansing angling for a job with FOX News?
2 RBIs for Michael Morse in first is 25% of his RBI total for the past two months #SFGiants.
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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Cleveland Browns receiver Josh Gordon has claimed that he has passed at least 70 drug tests. “Problem is, he’s taken more than 1,000.”