Posted tagged ‘Trump jokes’

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Schooled?

September 13, 2019

So Tim Tebow thinks college athletes shouldn’t be paid because “I didn’t make a dollar from it and nor did I want to because I knew going into college what it was all about.”
Pretty rich coming from a kid whose parents could not only afford to home-school him even though he played football at a local Christian Academy but also MOVED (while still home-schooling him) so he was in the district for a public high school who would let him play QB.

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University of Alabama is using an app to track students when they arrive and leave home football games. The app will give them 100 points for showing up, and 250 more points for staying through the 4th quarter. Students can then use points  for priority access to future games…  Gosh if only there were only such an an app to track football players going to class?

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Didn’t we all have Shaun Anderson as the SF Giants potential closer of the future?

(For what it’s worth, Buster Posey was a closer at Florida State.)

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After Beto O’Rourke said yes, he would go after assault weapons, GOP Texas state legislator Briscoe Cain tweeted out
“My AR is ready for you Robert Francis,”
At times like this I really miss Molly Ivins.

 

Btw, not only was Felicity Hoffman’s 14-day sentence an example of White Privilege but also does anyone really think her husband William Macy had no idea what was going on?

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RIP Eddie Money…. Will he show up at the pearly gates with an extra ticket to Paradise?

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Trump complains LED light bulbs make him “look orange.”
So no wonder Donald is against solar energy. The sun makes him look orange too.

 

 

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Trump is coming to Northern California for an expensive fundraiser in Atherton.
Now, here’s a question, GOP gets so upset if anyone releases names of attendees of this kind of thing – shouldn’t anyone donating big $$$ to a President they clearly admire be proud to share that publicly?

(and putting my money where my mouth is, while I am not a big donor, in the last Presidential elections I have donated to Howard Dean,  Barack Obama, and in these primaries Cory Booker and Amy Klobuchar.   It’s public record, but have nothing to hide.)

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Copy not right?

September 11, 2019

LeBron James has been denied in his attempt to trademark the term “Taco Tuesday.” Gosh, I hope he’ll still be able to feed his family.

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Ohio State’s application to trademark “The” has been denied. Well, even Notre Dame thought “The” idea was ridiculously egocentric.

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ESPN reports ex-Arizona assistant men’s basketball coach “Book” Richardson told undercover FBI agents that he paid $40,000 to a high school coach to make sure Rawle Alkins was academically eligible.
Can’t wait to see how hard NCAA slaps the Wildcats on the wrist for this one.

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So Bob Baffert apparently got caught using a PED with #Justify and officials covered up the failed drug test. The real question, how many more times did he not get caught?

 

Regulators say they decided to drop inquiry on Justify after the Triple Crown with the reasoning that the colt’s positive PED could have come from eating contaminated food. A whole lot of ballplayers are going “Why didn’t I think of that?”

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Guessing more Americans might be upset that Team USA lost in FIBA basketball tournament if most Americans cared about any international tournament except the Olympics.

(and under “most Americans” – include all the NBA players who bailed.)

 

Fox News is all over one set of  parents of one 9-11 victim criticizing Rep. Omar for using the words “some people did something.” But I must have missed their even more scathing reaction to the idea of inviting the Taliban to Camp David the week of 9-11.

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Trump said today that US Food and Drug Administration would be putting out “some very strong recommendations” regarding the use of flavored e-cigarettes in “a couple of weeks.
Possible translation, he’s going to wait for Mitch McConnell to tell him how to exempt Kentucky companies?

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Trump talking about Melania wanting a flavored-tobacco vaping ban “That’s how the First Lady involved. She’s got a son — together — that’s a beautiful young man, & she feels very very strongly about it.” So is Barron the new Tiffany?

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Don’t get me wrong, good to see John Bolton gone. But T.S. Eliot was right “The last temptation is the greatest treason. To do the right thing, for the wrong reason.”

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Saints be praised.

September 10, 2019

Yeah, it’s only a game. But as I tell people… even when you watch a thrilling movie or TV show, or read a book, many people already know the outcome. And even when you think a game is over….twice…that’s not true in sports.

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Did Drew Brees get 10 years younger in the 2nd half?

 

In the end it didn’t matter, but officials admitted later they had taken 15 seconds too many off the clock as Saints tried at end of of first half. So NFL referees at least were already in midseason form.

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Just one night, but Raiders looked like they missed Antonio Brown like a fish misses a bicycle.

 

A report in The Atlantic says that Trump, less than thrilled with Jared, has complained that Ivanka could have married QB Tom Brady instead. Well, as much as I am not fond of Patriots it WOULD have been less damaging to the country.

 

Shortly after winning  U.S. Open Sunday, Canadian tennis star Bianca Andreescu actually apologized for winning, acknowledging that the U.S. crowd would have preferred to see Serena Williams triumph.  Is this the most Canadian sports story ever?

 

Sarah and Todd Palin are divorcing. Look, it’s never a happy thing when a marriage breaks up. But for all GOP family values BS, note that the Obamas and Clintons are both on their first marriages.

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If Wilbur Ross was ordered to fire people who contradicted POTUS about Dorian heading for Alabama, what does Donald do with people who contradict him on SERIOUS issues?

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Trump defended his decision to remove Bahamian men, women and children, who had passports but not visas,  from ferries this weekend on their way to the US after Hurricane Dorian.  He said they could be “some very bad people, very bad gang members & very, very bad drug dealers.”

Uh, except United States policy says  “Bahamians can enter U.S. w/o visa by providing passport & proof of no criminal record.

 

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Donald Trump said today he would release an “extremely complete” report on his personal finances before 2020 election. Will it include details on that Trump ice rink he is building in hell?

 

The National Rifle Association is suing San Francisco and SF Board of Supervisors for passing a resolution declaring them a domestic terrorist organization. The lawsuit says SF could hurt NRA’s business relationships and is “interfering” in their exercise of rights.
On the other hand, after Gilroy, El Paso, Dayton, Odessa’s etc, there are many people who might speak in support of San Francisco’s resolution, except they are now, like, you know, dead.

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Hard headed?

September 5, 2019

Antonio Brown may have solved his helmet problem, and now he’s apparently getting suspended by Oakland.  Who had “before the season started? in the pool.

 

Wait, the Steelers actually got two draft picks in exchange for the Raiders taking Antonio Brown off their hands?

 

After blowing a 6 run lead in the 9th, ESPN headline “Mets bullpen bounces back” in an 8-4 win today against Nationals.
Or is it possible Washington hitters were just exhausted?

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Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and that the SF Giants should never pitch to Paul Goldschmidt.

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Mayor de Blasio says he may drop out of presidential race in October. WTF? Forget eating pizza with a fork, when has a true New Yorker waited a month for ANYTHING?

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So let me get this straight, “Moscow Mitch” says he won’t allow a vote on gun control unless “the President” backs a bill.
But when the last President chose and backed a Supreme Court nominee, he wouldn’t allow a vote either.
Hypocrisy much?

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GOP Congressman Dan Crenshaw complains “With universal background checks, I wouldn’t be able to let my friends borrow my handgun.”  Some statements don’t even need a punchline.

But hey, so does Crenshaw loan his car to friends too?  Whether or not they have a license?

 

 

Imagine if after saying he’d campaigned in all 57 states, Barack Obama had insisted on showing us doctored maps showing there really were 57 states.

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Did Donald Trump think he wouldn’t be caught altering the National Weather Service hurricane map?
Well, he’s not the Sharpie-est tool in the box.

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Fox White House reporter John Roberts on Trump’s efforts to justify his Alabama hurricane mistake – “You can see somebody with a Sharpie or some other writing instruments, added a little bit to the cone of uncertainty, which was not a part of the official forecast.””

Uh oh, someone is not going to be happy with State TV.

 

 

So who had the National Weather Service in Trump insult bingo?

 

So how long until Trump issues a White House invitation for Alabama hurricane survivors?

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High and dry?

September 3, 2019

Florida State coach Willie Taggart says he thinks his team might have lost in part to Boise State because they weren’t properly hydrated.
If only the game was in a state where they invented Gatorade?

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After weeks of drama, Ezekiel Elliott’s agent says a deal with his client and the Cowboys is ‘very close.”

I really don’t care, do u?

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SF Giants have mostly played their way out of Wild Card race.  And Tuesday 1-0 loss was rough on fans.    On the other hand, not as rough as Mets blowing a 10-4 lead in the 9th.

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Last year’s SF Giants were near the wild card race until September too, when Pablo Sandoval also ended up out for the year.  #Coincidence?

 

Travel rant. Do you know how hard it is in a small country like Ireland to be 180 miles from Dublin?
Mike Pence managed to do it, by staying at Trump’s money-losing resort at taxpayer expense. And also at taxpayer expense flying back and forth from the West Coast of the country to the East Coast.
Seriously, LIVERPOOL, England is about 20 miles closer by air to Dublin than Doonbeg.

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Pence’s Chief of Staff said, Trump said “‘Well, you should stay at my place.’ ”

“It wasn’t like a, ‘You must.’ It wasn’t like, ‘You have to…”

Right because who would feel pressured at all when replacing your boss on a business when they “suggest” you do something?

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Latest mass shooter in Odessa apparently failed a federal background check, but got his weapon in a “private sale.”
Now, imagine if US said  (just for one example), “To save lives, we’re now going to regulate opioids more carefully, but hey, if you buy them privately get as many as you want.”

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Kroger announced they will no longer allow open-carry in stores. What a shame for all those who felt they absolutely needed to be armed to get the best peaches.

And PSA for those who don’t live near a Kroger.  “Our longstanding policy is that firearms are not permitted in our stores – with the exception of law enforcement personnel. Safeway/Albertsons does not permit weapons of any kind in our stores.”

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Actually keeping score?

August 29, 2019

Ok. I get that some people think I’m a little obsessed to be stressed about Democratic Presidential primaries this early. And yet there are folks who are seriously stressed about the scores of week 4 pre-season NFL football.

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With back-to-back home runs today, Minnesota Twins broke the major league record season for most home runs on the road. which was 138. And there’s a full month left in the season.
But sure, Barry Bonds is the one whose home run total should have an asterisk…

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At least for remainder of season can 2019 SF Giants officially retire the term “home field advantage?

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Two weeks after Chris Davis had a dugout confrontation with manager Brandon Hyde, Orioles reliever Richard Bleier and 3rd-base coach Jose David Flores also ended up in a public shouting match in the dugout.
Baltimore fans just wish the team would show that much energy on the field.

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Alex Trebek is back at work taping the new season of “Jeopardy!,” five months after being diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

“What is really good news?”

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Travel rant.  Austrian Airlines and Lufthansa are offering a scheduled LEGAL connection between a Vienna to Frankfurt flight and a Frankfurt to San Francisco flight that is 45 minutes!?!
So will transfer assistance be provided by flying pig?

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The latest wannabe mass shooter at High Point University told police he was trying to get into a fraternity and that “if his roommate got into a fraternity and he didn’t, he had a plan to kill his roommate and himself.”
But no, we don’t have an epidemic of white male privilege.

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Interesting timing. Trump wants G7 at Mar-a-Lago and mean bitch Karma along with Mother Nature remind him. “Dude, it’s hurricane season.”

 

Well, since most bugs can’t swim Hurricane Dorian might take care of the Doral bed bug problem.

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Trump today canceled his trip to Poland.   Guess it’s just as well Trump had already canceled Danish part of European trip. Does anyone think Mother Pence would have let Mike have dinner with the very attractive Danish Prime Minister?

 

 

Does anyone think Trump would have canceled his trip if he were scheduled to go to Buckingham Palace? Or to one of his rallies?  Or to one of his golf resorts?

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Slower than a speeding bullet

August 27, 2019

Submarine pitcher Tyler Rogers made his major league debut at Oracle Park Tuesday night, pitching a 1-2-3 inning with most pitches in the 70s (MPH)   So who needs a 95 MPH fastball.

submarine

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Rob Gronkowski “Football was bringing me down.”
So does this make him an honorary Redskins fan?

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Fox Sports reporting that an unnamed NFL team reached out to Carli Lloyd with an offer to play in a preseason game this week.
Not sure if Carli will play in a real game, but guessing she won’t double-doink the ball off the crossbars

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Love it. Young 20-somethings on train who work for some big company near Palo Alto are complaining about their employer and whining that bosses act like their parents. Uh…

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Your reminder that Senator Tom Cotton, who is pushing so hard to buy Greenland, voted AGAINST hurricane relief for Puerto Rico.

 

William Barr is planning a $30,000 private holiday party at the Trump hotel in DC.  Now, I know many Americans may not understand the details of the emoluments clause. But you would think the US attorney would.

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New Orleans is the most liberal part of Louisiana. So you just KNOW if Katrina happened on Trump’s watch he’d have complained about sending them money too.

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Trump now whining about Puerto Rico and $$$ “Wow! Yet another big storm heading to Puerto Rico. Will it ever end?”

Has anyone told him Greenland is an island too?

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After Trump’s heartless “will it ever end” tweet about Dorian approaching Puerto Rico, a new model shows center of storm could end up near West Palm Beach.
Is it possible mean bitch karma and Mother Nature are looking together at a map showing Mar-A-Lago?

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Trump tweet also refers to his failing Trump Doral National MIAMI resort as “perfectly located (for the next G-7).”
“Perfectly located?” For a summer meeting? Heck, Donald doesn’t even go to his beloved Mar-A-Lago in summer.

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And finally look, been in the travel industry for decades. If a hotel has a major PR disaster the way to get past it is apologize profusely, offer to make it up to guests affected, and say what you are doing or have done to fix the problem. Whether it’s a racist staff member, something like Legionnaire’s disease, or bedbugs,
What you do NOT do is deny the problem ever happened and accuse your accusers. #CantFixStupid
#TrumpBedBugs

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Without a little bit of Luck

August 25, 2019

Colts fans must feel as shocked and betrayed as if someone stole their team in the middle of the night.

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Wonder how many fans in Indianapolis who booed Andrew Luck as a coward for retiring would cheer if the Colts signed Colin Kaepernick in his place.

 

But yes, your reminder, Colin Kaepernick is still available.

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Pablo Sandoval to have Tommy John surgery. Wonder if he’ll recover in time to pitch next season.

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Patriots TE Lance Kendricks now joins Benjamin Watson on the suspended list, and safety Patrick Chung has been arrested on a cocaine charge. Gosh, whoever thought Bill Belichick would have so many players doing something illegal?

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Tennessee Volunteers sophomore CB Bryce Thompson arrested for misdemeanor domestic assault after he allegedly threatened to “slap the s— out of” a woman and to “shoot up the school.”
Since Thompson was a Freshman All-American and led the team in interceptions last year, how long until someone decides he’s a nice kid who deserves a second chance?

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Meanwhile, NCAA has put Mississippi State football on probation for academic cheating. Well, good to know they’ve punished the only problem school in the SEC.

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With about 5 weeks left in MLB season, Baltimore GM Mike Elias has fired 11 people in front office and scouting department. He says it’s “to provide those who lost their jobs a jump at getting back into the market.”
Because don’t all other teams want to snatch up talent from the Orioles?

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On Trump tariffs, “This is not the way to proceed. Apart from everything else, those who support the tariffs are at risk of incurring the blame for the downturn in the global economy, irrespective of whether or not that is true.”
This sentence from that noted voice of reason Boris Johnson!!??

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Trump at G7  “The question I was asked most today by fellow World Leaders, who think the USA is doing so well and is stronger than ever before, happens to be, “Mr. President, why does the American media hate your Country so much? Why are they rooting for it to fail?””
Uh, would he like to name ONE of those world leaders?

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How long until Trump claims the Amazon rainforest fires are the fault of Jeff Bezos?

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Joe Walsh says he will primary Donald Trump in 2020.  Let me be very clear, I agree with Joe Walsh on very little, and disagree with him strongly on guns and a woman’s right to choose.
But I believe he is a sane person who loves this country. And cannot say the same about Trump.

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Tying knots

August 24, 2019

Olympic gold medal skier Lindsey Vonn and current NHL star P.K. Subban are getting married. Do we call this yet another missed cut for Tiger Woods?

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Dwight Howard has signed with Los Angeles Lakers, and ESPN reports they have told him “Disrupt this team — and you’ll be gone.”
Over-under on how long he’ll last?

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Team USA just lost to Australia in basketball. Can we blame Trump?

Miami 19, Philadelphia 11. Wait, I know the Raiders and Panthers played in Winnipeg, but I thought Marlins Park was baseball only.

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So the real question at G7 France – Who will Trump insult first?

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Seth Moulton has dropped out of the Presidential Race. All together now “Who?”

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Amazing how same people who insist the most left-wing members of Congress are the “face of the Democratic party,” somehow don’t make the same statement about Steve King being the face of the GOP.

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Got to love it, the Stable Genius is tweeting that “Our great American companies are hereby ordered to immediately start looking for an alternative to China…”
And he’s tweeting from a iPhone!

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Meanwhile, I am getting regular fundraising emails from Bernie Sanders whose campaign seems to think I want a Bernie baseball card or baseball shirt. Uh, yeah, I’m “Vote Blue No Matter Who 2020” but otherwise….I’d ALMOST rather wear a Dodger shirt. Sorry.

 

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Jean Cramer, a Marysville, Michigan city council candidate, said she wants to keep the town “as white as possible,” and added a “husband and wife need to be the same race. Same thing with kids. That’s how it’s been from the beginning of, how can I say, when God created the heaven and the earth. He created Adam and Eve at the same time.”
Uh if that’s literally true then ALL kids are descended from their children and thus products of incest. #WTF?
(and actually, there are no pictures of Adam nor Eve…. who’s to say they were the same race? A creator can go for diversity too.)

 

Finally, Limerick Time. Because, why not?
There once was a President Trump
Who expected the whole world to jump.
For his thoughts that were bad,
and really quite sad.
Which he tweeted while taking a dump.

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Punishments and maybe crimes.

August 23, 2019

 

New England safety Patrick Chung reported has been arrested and will be charged with of cocaine possession, This being the Patriots, let’s see how NFL makes sure any jail time or suspension is scheduled for after 2020 Super Bowl.

 

Baltimore Orioles pitchers gave up 259th home run of 2019, now breaking single-season record set by 2016 Reds.
With over a month left in season 300 is CLEARLY in sight.
Just imagine if the team played at Great American Ballpark or Coors?

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Wait, now Starbucks announced that Pumpkin Spice Latte is returning Aug. 27. Along with Christmas decorations? WTF?

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QANTAS plans to start a New York to Sydney flight, but first they will do test flights to study what happens to health of flight crews and passengers when they spend 19 hours on a plane.
Will the tests include being in a middle seat with crying babies on both sides?

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Welcome to the USA. Have a client who has been sitting on the ground at SFO on an Air Canada plane for over 90 minutes after landing waiting for a gate…
Are we great yet?

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So why did Sarah Huckabee Sanders just now join Fox News? Was she waiting to see if she could beat out Sean Spicer for DWTS?

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Sean Spicer heads to “Dancing With The Stars.” Meanwhile Sarah Huckabee Sanders heads to Fox News “Dancing with the Truth.”

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Even “Wag the Dog” thought when the President started a fake conflict it had to be over Albania. Guess they thought no one would believe…. GREENLAND?!!

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Tom Cotton, defending Trump. “pointed several times to President Harry Truman’s attempts to buy Greenland from Denmark” in 1946.
Uh, President Harry Truman also proposed a universal health care program in 1945. …

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So what’s next, Trump picks a fight with England when he decides he wants Queen Elizabeth to sell him his ancestral homeland of Scotland?

 

Really really miss the days when you could get on a flight without Wi-Fi for 5 hours and not anticipating landing with the thought “WTF did POTUS do now?”

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Outta here

August 21, 2019

Baltimore Orioles just tied record of 258 for most home runs allowed in season, set by 2016 Cincinnati Reds who play at the Little League field known as “Great American Ballpark.” Mariners, Angels, Yankees, and Phillies are all on pace to break the record too.
But no, the ball isn’t juiced.

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How juiced is the 2019 MLB baseball? If Duane Kuiper were playing now he’d have hit TWO home runs.

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Houston Astros were one of the largest favorites in MLB game ever when Justin Verlander took mound against the Detroit Tigers tonight.

And they lost 2-1.  They also lost in extra innings as huge favorites to the Orioles recently.. And then wonder what the odds were when Verlander started WS Game 1 in 2012 against SF Giants and Barry Zito?

Maybe the Houston should beg Vegas to make them longshots to win the World Series?

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Sean Spicer on #DWTS? Because he has so much experience Dancing with the Truth?

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I’m so old that I remember when Ted Cruz falsely claimed in his Presidential campaign that he “had a president in the White House who has a messiah complex.”
And now that we have one who actually DOES…..?

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If Alec Baldwin on SNL as Trump described himself as “King of Israel,” many Republicans would complain the show had gone too far.
Yet Trump does it for real and GOP just shrugs.

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Trump this morning referred to PM of Denmark as “nasty,” to himself as “King of Israel” and also “the chosen one.”
At this point beginning to think that anyone who doesn’t think he’s pathological is themselves pathological.

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So where are all those in GOP who lost their collective sh*t over Obama’s executive orders now that Trump says he’s “very seriously” looking at trying to change the Constitution by executive order to eliminate birthright citizenship?
Asking for a country.

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The man who referred to Mayor of London as a “stone cold loser,” Justin Trudeau as “dishonest and weak, and to Africa as having “shithole countries” now responds to Danish PM’s saying his proposal to buy Greenland is “absurd” by calling her “nasty.”
Are we great yet?

 

So if Governor Gavin Newsom calls Trump “absurd” does that mean that Donald will call off all future trips to California? Oh please oh please…

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Two and done?

March 18, 2018

Cincinnati blew a 22 point lead to Nevada in 11 minutes. Who did they think they were? The Atlanta Falcons?

 

Bearcats fall apart, Xavier falls apart. Normally when the city of Cincinnati is this embarrassed in sports, the Bengals are involved.

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God believes in Sister Jean.  (Loyola)

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Syracuse just busted President Obama’s brackets by beating Michigan State. So will Trump invite them to the White House.

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Donald Trump  was so cranky Sunday morning you think he’d picked Virginia to win it all.

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No perfect brackets left in #Marchmadness Except @realDonaldTrump’s. He will unveil his perfect picks once tournament over.

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Russia ordered expulsion of 23 British diplomats. Assume the diplomats know enough to turn down invitations for farewell tea parties.

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Facebook has banned Cambridge Analytica, this right after they locked their barn door and went looking for the horses.

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Trump claimed Andrew McCabe’s firing was a “great day for Democracy.” Well, it could turn out in long run to be a great day for Democrats.

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So who will be first Republican to say there IS no “red line” with Trump? Points for honesty?

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So if @realDonaldTrump does fire Mueller who will be the first Republican to say it’s “really troubling?”

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March 17, besides being St. Patrick’s Day, was also St. Gertrude’s Day. St Gertrude is the patron saint of cats. Cats thinking, as if we need an intermediary with God…..

 

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Seen on Nestlé bottled water “WARNING: Cap is a small part and poses a CHOKING HAZARD, particularly for children.”. #toomanylawyers

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Lindsey Graham this am, if Donald Trump fired Robert Mueller. “As I said before, if he tried to do that, that would be the beginning of the end of his presidency.” So what would Graham do – “thoughts and prayers?”

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So with all @realDonaldTrump’s love for TV personalities, Anthony Kennedy has to realize if he retires he’ll be replaced by Judge Judy.

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Andrew McCabe is a Republican. #justsayin

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Souped up?

March 4, 2018

Cavs’ JR Smith suspension reportedly was because he threw soup at an assistant coach. Oh, broth-er.

 

So for #Cavs future road games, can we beg the PA announcers when JR Smith is announced to play Souperman?

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With the Winter Olympics over at least Americans no longer have to pretend to care about snow sports.

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Arizona won the men’s basketball Pac 12 Championship today.  Over under on how long before they might have to vacate it?

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Heisman winner Lamar Jackson says he only wants to be considered in the NFL as a quarterback.  Yeah, that worked out so well for Tim Tebow.

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Trump at Gridiron Dinner “I like chaos. It really is good. Who’s going to be the next to leave — Steve Miller or Melania?” And some even thought Donald was joking.

 

Trump says George W. Bush’s decision to invade Iraq was the “worse decision ever made.” Some would say November 8, 2016 was the single worst decision ever made.-

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Trump attacks Alec Baldwin this week on twitter. If there were only some way Baldwin could make a public on-air response.

(Wonder with Hope Hicks gone whose job it might have been to tuck Trump in before SNL?)

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An anti-child marriage bill in Kentucky has stalled due to opposition from conservatives. Wonder if same in GOP would at least say married teenagers can talk about gun control?

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So let’s see, this week Trump has picked fights with the EU, Mexico and Canada. Anybody left? Besides Russia?

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Truth. At GOP fundraiser, Trump on Xi Jinping becoming President for Life “Maybe we’ll give that a shot some day.”
At Dem. fundraiser in his 2nd term in 2016 where attendees chanting “4 more yrs.” Obama – “No, there’s a constitution amendment. And more importantly, Michelle would kill me.”

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Of course, if Trump gets his wish to have that President for Life option, wonder how many Americans would vote to bring back Obama,  Or Bill Clinton?

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A question of degrees.

February 10, 2018

 

Jimmy Garoppolo, saying how happy he is to be in SF “It is 75 degrees out here, it’s not a snow storm like in Chicago. It’s a lot better here. So, I wanted to be here.”
Wonder what he’d say if he’d been traded to Green Bay?

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Weather now in PyeongChang, 34 degrees.   Or as Minnesotans call that – summer.

 

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The new-look Cavaliers survived the 17-39 Atlanta Hawks.  Over-under on how long it will take drama in Cleveland to resurface?

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Sort of seems silly that basketball is not a Winter Olympics sport.  In the meantime, fans of amateur basketball will just have to settle for the Hawks or Mavericks.

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I’m so old I can remember times on train when younger people could talk to each other without literally using #hashtag as part of a sentence.

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Have to wonder, what would Trump do, if an NFL player who knelt for the National Anthem was also accused by a woman of domestic violence?

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Multiple allegations of domestic abuse weren’t enough to get Porter fired from WH. But had he said something negative against Trump, Rob would have been gone in 15 minutes.

 

Right about now joining Trump White House has to have as much long-term career security as accepting an offer from Sears.

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Don’t see the problem; if WH staff really wants Trumpto pay attention to intelligence briefing have it read out loud on Fox and Friends.

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Since Trump says all 19 women who accused HIM were liars, we shouldn’t be surprised he’s dismissive of several women with Roy Moore & 3 with Rob Porter.

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At this point as @realDonaldTrump blocks release of Democratic memo it really is the equivalent of shooting someone on 5th Ave. He doesn’t think his base will care.

 

Before Trump blocked Democratic memo, he said “It’s gonna be released soon.” Right, after he releases his tax returns.

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Don’t tell the NFL…

January 25, 2018

NBA wants to be a partner in legalizing sports gambling, for a 1% cut on every bet made. Well, that ought to do wonders with those who think sport is fixed.

 

Gregg Popovich & Lebron James chatted and shared a postgame embrace after Spurs win over Cavs. No word on what they discussed but if Kawhi REALLY wants out, suppose San Antonio could do worse for a replacement.

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Elton John announcing he will retire after three-year farewell tour. “Three YEAR farewell tour, you mean we could have done that” said Yankess & Derek Jeter?

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Top three beers in the US are now Bud Light, Coors Light and Miller Lite. Only things getting less light are Americans.

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#LarryNassar is trending. Alas, it’s not because he’s dead.


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president Simon will resign. At this point even Penn State is thinking it was about time.

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John Kerry apparently is thinking of running again for President in 2020.   Right, because one thing the USA lacks is enough old white male candidates.

 

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A day after it happened.  someone finally shamed into acknowledging yesterday’s school shooting. If killer were Muslin or immigrant he’d have been on it in 15 minutes.

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Trump to unveil immigration plan on Monday. For those who don’t like it, no doubt he will disavow plan by Tuesday.

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President Donald Trump says he’s “looking forward” to being interviewed by special counsel Robert Mueller.   Can we put it on pay-per-view?  Might go a way towards fixing national debt.

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McConnell wants Senate to vote on a bill criminalizing abortion after 20 weeks. Good thing at least these pro-lifers are also so pro-healthcare and welfare for low-income mothers. Oh wait…. never mind.

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Will we tell our children & grandkids some day “I’m so old I remember when the USA was actually respected in the world?”

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As Trump jets off to Davos, wonder if Melania is googling looking for a weekend service that can change the locks.

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In Kobe’s honor – don’t pass the popcorn?

December 18, 2017

While Lakers retire Kobe’s jerseys, just pointing out that he is a year YOUNGER than Manu Ginobili. Who’s still winning games for Spurs.

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Kobe Bryant was a great player. Convenient timing though in today’s climate that his rape case was 14 years ago.

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Now American 100 meter world champion Justin Gatlin is reportedly being investigated for alleged doping. Enough to make you long for purity of pro wrestling.

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After last night’s Dallas-Oakland game can we say refs are card-carrying members of the #Cowboys fan club?

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UCF’s Scott Frost wins AP Coach of the Year. Pretty amazing to have an undefeated season when much of the world didn’t even know Central Florida had a football team.

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Difference between the 2017 #Browns and #RoyMoore. The Browns have at least conceded.

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Six days after the election, Roy Moore has not conceded. Well, it is a pretty busy time at the mall.

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ESPN President John Skipper resigns due to a self-described addiction problem. And these days people are just relieved that as far as we know he didn’t sexually harass anyone.

 

Senate intelligence committee is now reportedly investigating Jill Stein. If there is one person both many Dems and GOP would like to see indicted…

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Dear Santa: If a tax cut is not enough could you bring people who drive expensive cars some working turn signals. Pretty clear they don’t have them.

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A Breitbart writer claims that “Feminist witches” are trying to hex Trump.    Hey, if feminist witches had that much power they’d be attending President Hillary Clinton’s Christmas parties.

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Anyone who uses a work email address knows employers can read their email. But Trumpsters somehow thought their .gov emails were special?#cantfixstupid

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Love how Trump team that came into power partly because of hacked PERSONAL emails, is now whining about legitimately obtained government emails.

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Trump tweets about “soon to be submitted” infrastructure plan…. Meaning he wants Jared to start writing one?

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“The America First Committee was the foremost United States non-interventionist pressure group against the American entry into World War II. It was also characterized by anti-semitic and pro-fascist rhetoric. Wikipedia”#AmericaFirst? #WTF?

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The one that got away…

December 18, 2017

Robbie Gould, cut by Chicago last year is 30-32 on FG & has made 20 in a row. His replacement Connor Barth is 11 for 16. That’s so Bears #DaBears

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On the other hand, good news for Bears fans.  A win against the Browns is on next Sunday’s schedule.

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Announcers for #GBvsCAR talking about how well Packers fans travel to away games. They’re great team w/ great fans…but if you had ANY reason to get out of Green Bay in December..?

With Christmas Eve next Sunday, and lots of shopping and preparation for the holiday,  have to wonder how many NFL fans took this Sunday off .   Of course no one expected the Seahawks to join them.

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Top HS QB prospect Justin Fields has committed to Georgia over Florida State. Seminoles feeling crabby? Or crab-leggy?

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Power outage at Atlanta airport, a Delta hub, strands thousands of passengers. American and United immediately introduce electricity surcharge.

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Headlines that more than 300 people out of 5,000 on a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship got sick norovirus this week. Wow, that’s almost as many as the number of passengers on any given morning who were hungover.

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Trump lawyer accuses Mueller of obtaining emails illegally – so former FBI director should have just had Russia get them for him?

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Putin reportedly called Trump to thank CIA for tip that helped stop a St. Petersburg bombing. That moment when Pres. of Russia is more positive about U.S. Intelligence than Pres of US…
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I understand why people who’re just getting by would do anything for big tax cut. But when you have more $$$ than you can spend in a lifetime? #CorkerKickback

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Senator Corker said he had no idea about the provision introduced at the last minute into the GOP tax bill that will save him over $1 million in tax a year. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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Anyone else think Mnuchin’s Treasury department has spent less time actually analyzing #GOP tax bill than his wife Louise Linton spent making her designer clothing & jewelry Christmas wish list.

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Because Trump thinks he’s done enough already? Tax bill would impose a 20% tax on goods made in Puerto Rico & shipped to mainland. #WTF?

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Weekend turkeys?

November 22, 2017

Cheapest ticket on Stubhub for Stanford game Saturday – $65. For 49ers game Sunday, $25. To be fair, Cardinal has more entertaining team.

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Former US Gymnastic doctor Larry Nassar. “I’m so horribly sorry.” Well, he got the horrible part right.

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WR Jauan Jennings was dismissed from Tennessee football team after he posted an R-rated Instagram video calling coaches “lying,” “fake” & “snakes.”
And here Volunteers fans thinking their most embarrassing moments this year would be on the field.

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Know online shopping is out of control when you’re getting emails advertising “last few hours of pre-Black Friday sale.”

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Whoever thought that in any situation involving another person, Lavar Ball would be the adult in the room.

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As they blow up the balloons tonight for tomorrow’s #MacysThanksgivingDayParade six words – Must. Not. Make. Chris. Christie. Jokes.

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54th anniversary of JFK’s death. Waiting for Trump to tweet “I like Presidents who weren’t assassinated.”

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Trump SoHo hotel taking his name off property as it’s hurting their image. Any chance we can do that for White House? Asking for a country.

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Trump supporters have no problem w/ Mar-A-Lago as “Winter White House” where all profits flow directly to him. But they sure bitched when Obama rented house in Hawaii.

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NYPD detective arrested for burning her husband’s clothes because she thought he was cheating on her. At least she didn’t set the fire w/ him wearing them.

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Headline “Congressman tries to explain nude selfie.” Here’s a hint – don’t take one in the first place. #JoeBarton

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As the #JoeBarton story (& unfortunate visual) goes viral, how much, again, do I miss Molly Ivins?

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Too soon to start a pool on when Trump will endorse Joe Barton?

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Like most heterosexual women, I like looking at guys. But doesn’t matter who it is, even George Clooney or Drew Brees . Would rather see them at least partially clothed. 🙂 #Nodickpics

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Are women not sexual predators because we’re better people? Or because we aren’t powerful enough to be predators? Would be nice to have enough women in charge to find out..

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The price they pay.

November 17, 2017

House tax bill would not allow fans who make mandatory  “donations” to universities for the right to buy expensive college football or basketball tickets to deduct those donations as charity.

Just guessing they’re not hyping this part of the bill in red states.

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No Kawhi Leonard, no Tony Parker, 23 point deficit to OKC, and Spurs win.  Just possible Popovich is a very good coach.

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Now Jameis Winston accused of groping a female Uber driver. Buccaneers wishing he had stuck to grabbing crab legs?

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Gymnast do take hard falls. Has anyone checked #GabbyDouglas for concussions?

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Battle between Jerry Jones and Roger Goodell may turn out to be more riveting than 90% of NFL games this season.

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Sad when it’s come to seeing #JesseJackson trending & you’re almost relieved it’s “only” Parkinson’s disease – not him dying or being accused of sexual assault.

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So after Trump pardons Thanksgiving turkey will he then ship it to Mar-a-Lago to be secretly cooked & sold to guests at $100 a plate?

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Saying Mike Pence’s policy of never being alone with another woman makes sense is like saying people should never go to museums w/ famous works of art because it’s too hard to look and not touch.

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Trump tweet “Put big game trophy decision on hold until such time as I review all conservation facts. Under study for years. Will update soon with Secretary Zinke. Thank you!”

Who knew that some in the party that doesn’t give a damn about poor children and immigrants have a soft spot for elephants?

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Trump “unexpectedly” released list of 5 conservatives he might appoint to Supreme Court. Bribe for when more sexual assault accusations come out?

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Kayla Moore says President owes them thank you for taking “focus off Russia.” Except Trump might not be happy – Moore story also takes focus off Trump.

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Guess no one told @realDonaldTrump, that a- it’s “FrankenSTEIN,” and b- Frankenstein was the doctor. Monster he created had no name.

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Amazing GOP contortions to convince themselves that any woman who accuses a Republican is an angry liar & anyone who accuses a Dem a wronged saint.

 

Sarah Huckabee Sanders – “Difference between Franken and Trump is that Franken has admitted wrongdoing.” Right, adults do that.

 

So with Sarah Huckabee Sanders logic, any man who denies sexual harassment or abuse is innocent.   I missed her exoneration of Bill Clinton.

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Trump says Al Franken “really bad.” Because he groped a woman’s breast instead of grabbing her by the pussy?

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That moment when you think a zygote is worthy of protection but a teenage girl is not. #KaylaMoore #RoyMoore

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So many laws, so little time?

November 14, 2017

Arkansas has suspended freshman QB Cole Kelley, 20, after a DWI arrest, for at least one game. Coach Bielema: “Starting games here is a very big deal. Social media and everything else around, he’s going to be held to a higher standard. … ”
A DWI arrest at 20? Higher standard than what?

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UCLA players accused of shoplifting are on flights home. That’ll teach them – shoplift designer sunglasses & you could be forced to spent a week away from classes at a deluxe hotel.

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On a lighter note, USA Today projections for 2017-18 Bowl Games. Holiday Bowl Dec 28 – Stanford vs Michigan. #HolyHarbaugh

France is apparently considering legalizing sex with 13 yr-olds. In related news #RoyMoore is considering retirement to Paris.

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Shooter today in Rancho Tehama another angry white guy. Standby for more GOP thoughts & prayers,” & talk about mental illness while cutting funding for mental health.

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Everyone who insists #RoyMoore‘s behavior was normal for Alabama at the time, forgets that people thought he was creepy AT THE TIME.

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Now Paul Ryan is calling on Roy Moore to step aside. Unless he gets elected in which case  he’ll want Moore to resign after voting for tax cuts.

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McConnell floating idea of Sessions as write-in candidate for Alabama Senate. Though apparently AG  has same possible Alzheimer’s memory problems as Moore. #ICantRecall

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Paul Ryan “House will adopt a policy of mandatory anti-harassment & anti-discrimination training for all Members & staff. ” What about Oval Office?

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Trump got off a plane tonight from the Philippines and promptly tweeted  “May God be with the people of Sutherland Springs, Texas. The FBI and Law Enforcement has arrived.”

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Question of night, will @realDonaldTrump delete tweet referencing 9-day-old mass shooting instead of today’s, or double down on it?
#SutherlandSprings #RanchoTehama

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