Posted tagged ‘Trump jokes’

No relief

October 7, 2017

SF Giants may have just lost the title of “Most Complete Bullpen Meltdown in Recent Playoff History.” #Yankees #ALDS

On the other hand, the Indians may never lose again.

Aroldis Chapman “liked” Instagram comment saying that Yankees mgr Joe Girardi was an”imbecile.” Ah for the good old days when players just whined off-the-record to reporters.

Right about now a whole lot of AL teams, including Red Sox would sign a petition to move the Houston Astros back to the NL #ALDS

NHL’s Jiri Hudler accused of trying to urinate on food cart, demanding cocaine on Delta flt. Who says hockey players aren’t real athletes?

Secret Service has paid over $137,000 just to rent golf carts at Bedminster & Mar-A-Lago. But Puerto Rico’s throwing our budget out of whack

Apparently Vegas killer tried buying legal tracer ammunition, which lights up when shot. Hunters really need more of advantage against deer?

Secret Service has paid over $137,000 just to rent golf carts at Bedminster & Mar-A-Lago. But Puerto Rico’s throwing our budget out of whack

This is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. This year,  Canada is thankful they can mostly avoid President Trump.

So current GOP plan is to deny women birth control & then be out of office when unplanned babies grow up to vote Democratic?

If Harvey Weinstein was a Trump supporter all of his harassment would have been dismissed as “locker room banter.

I’m liberal & condemn Harvey Weinstein. Why can’t conservatives condemn pussy-grabber-in-chief?

When Trump said he was going to drain the swamp he didn’t tell us all the new alligators would be flying in on private planes.

As Trump gets rid of birth control mandate assume govt will still provide to staffers so Congress won’t have abortion issues w/ mistresses?

Can a woman-owned company pls file lawsuit saying they feel it’s morally wrong to cover Viagra prescriptions for unmarried men?

Does Trump know efforts to undo EVERY single Obama action will someday give another President Carte Blanche to undo all of his?

 

Open notes to @realDonaldTrump on NewOrleans. A) Mayor Landrieu is popular, B) some speak French or Creole but part of US, C)-not an island

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Not short-changed

October 6, 2017

Nick Folk might have had the kicking night from hell. But he’s got to be a top candidate for a Southwest commercial. #Wannagetaway

 

ESPN.com wrote Jose Altuve, 5’6″, “joined short list of players” with 3 home runs in 1 game in postseason. Did they type that with a straight face?

Boston Red Sox after today’s game might have wondered if they should have kept Pablo Sandoval around just to face Verlander.

Anyone but me see #RedSox #Astros & still initially think, that’s not an ALDS playoff series but an unlikely World Series match up?

So 1st game of ALDS between Astros and Red Sox, is not only during the day, but on #MLBNetwork. Way to build a national fanbase, MLB.

So yeah, for the uninitiated, MLB playoff baseball is supposed to be all about great pitching. #notexactly

Rumors only. But looking good for those who had John Kelly in the Trump resignation pool.

#KellyanneConway is now blaming Obama for not regulating bump stocks. Next she’ll say he could have prevented the Bowling Green Massacre.

 

AAA said dashboard devices are causing more distracted driving. Wonder how many people read that story on their phones while driving.

If we have to show a picture with stories about the Las Vegas shooting, can it be a picture of one of the victims, not the killer?

If we REALLY want meaningful gun law reform by executive order, maybe someone should get Barack Obama to defend assault weapons.

Gun silencer bill currently stalled in Congress is called “Hearing Protection Act” Because hunters can’t afford 50 cents for ear plugs? #WTF  #huntersnowflakes

 

Pro-life Rep. Tim Murphy, who wasn’t seeking reelection over texts asking mistress to have abortion, is now resigning.  Hmm, could there be more texts?  Or more mistresses?

Sanders-“Trump has made a decision on the Iran deal.” He’ll tell us….after the break? Someone tell him Presidency is not a reality TV show.

So how long until Trump appoints Harvey Weinstein to a White House position?

Ivana Trump now says she told her ex-husband ‘I think you should tweet. It’s a new way, a new technology. And if you want to get your words across rightly, without telling The New York Times, which is going to twist every single word of yours, this is how you get your message out.”
So it’s all her fault??!!!

Ivana also said Donald offered her the post of Ambassador to the Czech Republic.  And Czechs have to be thinking… “What did we ever do to the US?”

Finally, here’s the thing on Cam Newton, from my perspective: Clearly there are bigger issues in the world than a QB laughing at a reporter. But he didn’t think the question was funny because Jourdan Rodrigue was a reporter, he thought it was funny because she was a woman.
Any woman who loves sports, and who knows sports, knows that male reaction. And yeah, we cope, and sometimes we laugh too. But hey guys, it’s 2017. Many women know sports, sometimes better than you. Get over it.

Love is all you need

September 30, 2017

Tell me again about SEC domination in college football? #LSU #Troy

Even better, Troy ,  a 20 1/2 point underdog who pulled the upset of the Tigers, was paid $1 million to play Alabama.   The last time Troy was involved in a story this embarrassing, a horse was involved.

Who’d a thunk that of all players Stanford had to replace this year, McCaffrey might have turned out to have been the easiest.

if Bryce Love played for an SEC team the national media would be declaring the Heisman race over.

Two Texas HS football players reportedly kicked off team for protesting during national anthem Friday. Want to bet they weren’t starters?

Danny Travathan suspended 2 games for hit on Davante Adams. He is appealing. Which seems right- should have been at least 3 games.

Will Trump take credit in morning for Warriors losing their first game of NBA preseason?

Fitting that in Matt Cain’s last start the SF Giants only got him 1 run. Fitting for 2017 SFGiants bullpen blew saves. Twice.

RIP #MontyHall His funeral will be behind door number one. Or two. Or three.

Trump now attacking “poor leadership ability by the Mayor of San Juan, and others in Puerto Rico.” Jesus wept. As should all Christians.

I think I got it: People are dying in Puerto Rico just so the Fake News Media can get back at Trump #whythereisnosatire

Trump tweets from luxury golf resort w/ taxpayer paid staff while attacking Puerto Rico. Can we change “Hold my beer.” to “Hold my clubs?”

But seriously, Trump tweets-people of Puerto Rico “want everything done for them.” After breakfast at luxury club while Secret Service holds his golf clubs?

 

Has anyone suggested to Trump that Puerto Ricans aren’t paying attention to “Fake News” because they have like, no power?

Waiting for someone to say “Trumpie, you’re doing a helluva job.”

So just guessing Trump is never going to see Hamilton.

Watching Trump trash Puerto Rico and Democrats makes me shudder to think how he’d react if California had a major earthquake.

So just wondering, is there anyone in GOP who might have had any issues with Trump’s tweets about Puerto Rico they’d be willing to share?

So if Trump were President during Katrina wonder which Democrats he would have blamed for the lost of 1833 lives?

Trump takes time from victim-bashing in Puerto Rico to tout how the candidate who was losing by 8 when he endorsed him only lost by 10.

Open note to Trump fans, most people, including liberals, thought that Cambridge librarian was being an idiot about the Dr. Seuss books. So move along, and find something else to attack the Obamas over. Thank you.

Lies, damn lies and Trumpisms.

September 28, 2017

Former University of Florida and current Ohio State coach  Urban Meyer “If you intentionally lie about committing violations, your career is over.” And he said it with a straight face

If Green Bay fans want to give up season tickets over @Packers making statements about racism, sure plenty of younger enlightened fans will take them.

Took decades, but mean bitch Karma finally found a hole in that Teflon coat Rick Pitino’s been wearing.

 

If all NBA players must stand for anthem as mark of respect, can league play national anthems of foreign players as mark of respect?

As woman who has been feeling increasingly uncomfortable w/ football over CTE now feel like I must watch to defend civil rights.

Who knew #TonyRomo might have Hall of Fame credentials. As a broadcaster?

As much as I rag on airlines, United for example has had relief shipments to Puerto Rico since last weekend. Maybe Trump White House should, gasp, hire some airline people to improve efficiency.

Many of younger generation may be asking tonight “What was Playboy?” And others are asking “What was a magazine?” #HughHefner.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, asked about Trump’s NFL criticism “”I don’t think there’s much to clarify, it’s pretty black & white.”

#whythereisnosatire

Trump threatened Joe Donnelly that if the Indiana Senator. doesn’t support his tax plan,  Trump will campaign against him. Yeah, that really hurt Roy Moore

 

 

Just guessing that all those in GOP decrying rise of folks like Roy Moore never read Mary Shelley in high school. #Frankenstein

Ikea is buying Taskrabbit.  Oddly enough, if their furniture came pre-assembled, Taskrabbit might never have existed.

White House is investigating Jared & Ivanka’s use of private emails. When done they will probably next investigate Trump’s tax returns.

Students who kneel during anthem can be banned from football. With Betsy Devos they’ll have better chance to play if accused of sexual assault.

Alabama GOP official Gary Head to Toronto reporter Daniel Dale “I believe in Jesus Christ myself and I don’t have any problems with anybody’s religion as long as it’s Christian.I don’t go along with the Muslim religion.”
Jesus wept. Literally.

Trump’s fixation on Puerto Rico being an island you can’t drive trucks to is in keeping with his delusion that a wall will stop immigration.

Steve Scalise, upon his return to the Capitol, praised the officers who saved his life, David Baily and Crystal Griner, saying they are “like family.”
So now would be a good time for Scalise to acknowledge that he was wrong; that Crystal’s marriage is a good thing and her wife is REAL family.

Jared Kushner didn’t tell Senate intel committee he had personal email account. To be fair he was probably agonizing which bathroom to use.

 

#NationalPoetryDay “The best lack all conviction, while the worst. Are full of passionate intensity.” WB Yeats.

On a rare serious note, managed to see the Kent State portion of Ken Burns’ Vietnam, which was sad and compelling.
Remember as a kid, thinking, those people are my babysitters’ ages…and remember being appalled. Still remember all four names. But what we forget, as Burns said in an interview -that ” a majority — a vast majority — of Americans approved of the guardsmen. That there was incredibly cruel hate mail and vilification of the people who died.”
Change takes time.

Barely winning?

September 24, 2017

So all teams in AL over .500 should make MLB playoffs Who do they think they are -the NBA Eastern Conference?

Stanford used four quarterbacks in the first quarter against UCLA. They might only need 1 the rest of the season. #Costello

Open note to Heisman committee: Yeah, that mostly happened after you went to bed. (Bryce Love,  30 carries for 263 yards and a touchdown, Bringing his season total total to 73 carries, 787 yards and five 5 TDs.)

 

You know you’ve been a Saints fan for too long when aren’t able to watch game, but see they lead 17-6 at half & are then shocked to see they not only didn’t blow the lead but won going away.

 

Trump seems happy the Pittsburgh Penguins are coming to the White House. Has someone told him how many of them are immigrants?

 

Well, so maybe Raiders fans shouldn’t make nonrefundable reservations for Minneapolis the first weekend in February quite yet.

 

 

“My first homicide the guy was shot like 40 times.”
 –
So Monday morning will Trump take credit for the best NFL ratings of the season?
While @realDonaldTrump trashed NFL players the leader of the Free World hung on to win re-election #Merkel

Ted Cruz is a “no” on Graham-Cassidy?   Kobe, Pete Carroll, Ray Lewis, Robert Kraft and others are condemning the President’s response on kneeling.  Damn.  Trump has be agreeing with too many people I don’t like.

Many Americans who’ve been turning away from football over concussions & CTE, may start tuning back in over civil rights.

So is it too soon to start a pool on which NASCAR driver will be the first to say he’s disappointed in Trump comments?

 

Think Trump would pay more attention to Puerto Rico if some athletes went down there to #TakeTheKnee?

Trump so fixated on doubling down on anthem thing you’d almost think he was trying to distract us from something. #Jared #Russia #Healthcare

 

New definition of chutzpah – using private emails for govt business after your father-in-law won the White House largely because his opponent did same thing. #jared

So if the leaders of North Korea and Venezuela are so awful shouldn’t we do all we can for anyone trying to get out of those countries?

Finally,  IMHO.  The US Flag stands for the right to protest it. #TakeTheKnee

United we kneel?

September 23, 2017

Give Donald Trump credit. Who else could have united  Lebron James and Warriors.

 

Nerd nation.   The Chicago Bulls’ Robin Lopez,  formerly of Stanford:   “It’s ok , in a few months probably won’t be able to visit the White House either”

 

Waiting seriously for the first white NFL QB to #TakeAKnee during anthem in support of teammates and free speech.

At this point @realDonaldTrump might be rivaling #DanSnyder for the most hated man for sports fans in DC.

Odd thing about Trump tweet is if you wanted to pick NBA star who most appealed to whites would be probably be Steph Curry.

And President Trump. if you want to talk about an NBA player in a tweet now, it should maybe it should be the one spearheading relief efforts in the U.S. Virgin Islands – Tim Duncan.

Good to know w/ all the tough issues facing our country @realDonaldTrump finds time for important things, like attacking Kaepernick & Curry.

NY Giants made a statement against Trump and in support of their players NY Jets said they would not make a statement.  Jets owner Woody Johnson is a friend of Trump and the US ambassador to England. I am sure it’s just a coincidence.

As Trump spends Saturday, trashing sportsmen who disagree w/ him Gregg Popovich has to be thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?” @spurs

Rutgers football got 2 yr probation for “failing to monitor” program. Would be bigger deal if Scarlet Knights had chance in hell for bowls.

So when the Warriors visit Washington DC maybe they can all be invited to Barack Obama’s house?

A New Orleans mayoral candidate using the slogan “Make New Orleans Fun Again” is facing a charge of lewd conduct after allegedly being caught masturbating in a Los Angeles Uber. Well, that’s one definition of fun.

TC points out   “TV ratings for the Chargers and Rams home LA games in NFL week 2 were were brutal. Fans longed for the days when LA did not have any NFL teams and they got the Seahawks and even  the  49er games were beamed in.”

Inspired by friend Rich K. would Trump respect NFL players if instead of taking knee they tried to run people over w/ cars?

 –
Disrespecting country isn’t kneeling for anthem, disrespecting country is tweets trashing athletes while millions suffer in Puerto Rico.

Running away with it?

September 21, 2017

 

Ryan Trahan, a Texas A&M athlete, has been told he may lose his eligibility over “Neptune bottles”, his ecologically friendly steel reusable bottle company, because the NCAA thinks it he might be profiting on his “athletics reputation or ability.”
Trahan, a freshman, is a cross-country runner. And we all know that sport is about the fame and big bucks. #WTF?

LaGuardia power failure this am resulted in many flight delays. It was the biggest power outage for NY in the summer not involving the Mets.

Anyone else think it’s not just their records – colors of #49ers #Rams uniforms make it look like watching college teams?

Apparently #AaronHernandez had CTE. Maybe Mama Boucher was right about “foosball is of the devil.”

Charles Barkley, scoffing at today’s “soft” NBA players, said when he was playing, players “flew commercial and we were able to play back-to-back.”
And we walked to school five miles in the snow, uphill, both ways…

Ok, now it’s SNOWING in Montana. You don’t have to be a scientist to get the idea that Mother Nature is really not happy with us.

Everyone thinking “relax, no way abomination known as #GrahamCassidy will pass” – we thought no way Trump gets elected either. #keepcalling

So Jimmy Kimmel is being branded as a “Hollywood Elite” by supporters of our Reality Television Star President. #whythereisnosatire

Entire island of Puerto Rico is w/out power; restoring it may take “months.” These are US citizens. Sorry Trump, “stay safe” isn’t enough.

Iowa Sen Grassley on Graham-Cassidy “You know, I could maybe give you 10 reasons why this bill shouldn’t be considered. But Republicans campaigned on this so often that you have a responsibility to carry out what you said in the campaign.”
And why should this promise be different from most other campaign promises?

 

Facebook will now apparently release the Russian election ads, and Mark Zuckerberg said company was determined to make it “much harder” for anyone to interfere in elections and to “use our tools to undermine democracy.”
Then after his statement did Zuckerberg go out to lock the barn door and look for his horses?

Haley –Trump name calling worked w/ Kim Jong Un- Every other international community referring to him as ‘Rocket ​M​an.’” What are we, 6?

Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Kim Jong Un calls Trump “mentally deranged US dotard” This would all be much more entertaining if they both didn’t have weapons of mass destruction.

#Dotard” – I guess you find it in the dictionary after “Covfefe.”