Posted tagged ‘college football jokes’
January 2, 2018
So Auburn team that beat both Georgia & Alabama was beaten by UCF. Explain to me why undefeated Golden Knights shouldn’t have been in playoffs?
Baker Mayfield after Rose Bowl talked about disappointment of not winning a national title. Fortunately Mayfield isn’t projected #1, or he could find out what it’s like to be disappointed not to win, period. #Browns
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So when did the #RoseBowl turn into college football equivalent of NBA All-Star game? Defense not required.
On a brighter note for those tired of #SEC dominance, at least one team in College Football Championship has a Democratic senator.
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Got nothing against idea of a college football playoff. But #RoseBowl should be between #Pac12 & #BigTen. Period.
may bring plenty of revenue to Stubhub. But w/ game less than 1 1/2 hr from Georgia and 3 hour drive from Alabama .not exactly going to help Atlanta economy. Or Delta Airlines.
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Many had hoped for #Michigan & #Stanford to play in bowl w/ Shaw vs Harbaugh. Probably would have been good game – they couldn’t BOTH blow 2nd-half leads.
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Prime Minister of Australia will be heading to DC for a meeting w/ Donald Trump this Feb. Maybe some of his entourage can take Jared or Donny Jr to a nice wine bar?
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In 2017, Texas had #SutherlandSprings church shooting, plus 8 fatally shot in Plano by angry ex-husband at football party & now man arrested w/ arsenal at Houston hotel before NYE. But all these guys w/ guns were white, so it’s not terrorism…
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Backwards in time? Hawaiian Airlines flight from Auckland took off after midnight Jan 1, 2018, & landed in Honolulu just after 10am on Dec. 31, 2017. GOP is thinking, big deal. we just took the entire country back 50 years..
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As of Jan 1, Californians can now legally buy recreational marijuana. Jobs, jobs, jobs!! Although many of them in fast-food restaurants & at 7-11.
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Today recreational marijuana is legal in Calif. As if companies didn’t have hard enough time getting employees to show up on time after holidays on Jan 2.
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Good thing about not knowing who #LoganPaul was until today, don’t have regrets about spending ANY of my life having watching even one of his videos.
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Trump tweeting about “great Iranian people.” So he’s banning them from entering US because they’re too great & would make Americans feel bad by comparison?
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, college football jokes, georgia jokes, golden knights, Janice Hough, playoff jokes, rose bowl jokes, SEC jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 15, 2017
And of 41 college football bowl games, six are on Dec. 16. And if you can name at least half of them without Google, you just might need a life.
Now it’s Dave Brubaker, women’s national team director of Gymnastics Canada, facing sex-charges. Sad. Those days seem so innocent when we “just” worried about gymnasts’ eating disorders.
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Carlos Santana leaves the Indians for the Phillies. 3 years, $60 million. Plus he gets Octobers off!
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NFL owner being investigated for “workplace misconduct.” Millions of Americans disappointed that it isn’t Jerry Jones or Dan Snyder.#JerryRichardson #Panthers
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Now, I adore Kawhi Leonard. But the Spurs are 0-2 since he returned in limited minutes. So maybe this doesn’t burnish his MVP credentials.
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Alabama and San Francisco now have something in common – No Moore.
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AOL is officially killing AIM. And millions of millennials have no idea what either of those are.
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So it’s a May 19 wedding for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Does probably make it easier to remember your anniversary when it’s printed on tea towels.
In an attempt to get Rubio’s vote, GOP plans to increase child tax credit $300. Wow. That ought to pay for a whole week of day care.
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#TaxBill has losses from fires, floods or other events no longer deductible unless covered by specific federal disaster declaration. But GOP will offer lots of thoughts and prayers.
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EPA hires an opposition research firm to help them shape media coverage, CDC can’t use words: “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” & “science-based.”
I liked Orwell better as a novelist than a prophet.
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Trump attacks FBI, saying “People are very, very angry.” “People?” Is that another term for his Russian bot followers?
Trump “visa lottery..really the worst of the worst.” He misspoke on “visa lottery” – meant to say “my system for picking judges.”
Barack Obama dressed up as Santa Claus at a Washington DC Boys & Girls Club. Don’t tell Trump. He’ll repeal Santa.
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, epa jokes, Janice Hough, tax jokes
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November 26, 2017
Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the Cleveland Browns sucking.
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Alabama fans think they should still be in the College Football Playoff despite being beaten solidly by Auburn. Well, especially after the Crimson Tide played a tough out-of-conference schedule including Colorado State and Mercer.
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When @POTUS endorses a child molester for Senate guess it made sense for Tennessee to try hire someone who covered up child abuse as their head coach.
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Although, news flash – Tennessee at least noted public outrage and has apparently changed their mind on Greg Schiano.
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Cyber Monday looks like more than a few college football teams will be shopping for coaches.
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Tony Parker finally returning to @Spurs Monday night. San Antonio thrilled to have him back, & thankful most of his considerable medical expenses were covered by Medicare.
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Last Sunday’s Ford EcoBoost 400, NASCAR Cup Series finale, had lowest ratings in race’s 19 yr history. Again, must have been all those black drivers kneeling.
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Since everyone is online all the time now shouldn’t #CyberMonday be retitled “Cyber Day that ends in Y?
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Not saying there’s a #Kaepernick curse on @NFL. But there sure are a lot of QBs playing badly in 2017.
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“Hi, I’m Roy, and what grade are you in honey? #ThingsNotToSayAtAHolidayParty
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Now @realDonaldTrump questioning Access Hollywood tape after admitting it was real. So he’s calling his own words #FakeNews.
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Trump is now calling Doug Jones a “Schumer/Pelosi” puppet. Aww, what happened to all those nice words he said about Chuck & Nancy?
Rough weekend for Trump – He can’t decide whether to tweet that he SHOULD be Time’s Man of the Year, or dismiss the magazine as Fake News.
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Susan Sarandon has a right to her anti-Hillary opinion, but hard to tell Alabama voters they have to vote for the lesser evil, when liberals won’t do same thing.
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At least w/ all of Trump’s #FakeNews rants many Americans who might sympathize w/ #NYTimes‘ Nazi normalization story no longer read the paper.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, college football jokes, Cyber Monday jokes, Janice Hough, roy moore jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 17, 2017
House tax bill would not allow fans who make mandatory “donations” to universities for the right to buy expensive college football or basketball tickets to deduct those donations as charity.
Just guessing they’re not hyping this part of the bill in red states.
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No Kawhi Leonard, no Tony Parker, 23 point deficit to OKC, and Spurs win. Just possible Popovich is a very good coach.
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Now Jameis Winston accused of groping a female Uber driver. Buccaneers wishing he had stuck to grabbing crab legs?
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Gymnast do take hard falls. Has anyone checked #GabbyDouglas for concussions?
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Battle between Jerry Jones and Roger Goodell may turn out to be more riveting than 90% of NFL games this season.
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Sad when it’s come to seeing #JesseJackson trending & you’re almost relieved it’s “only” Parkinson’s disease – not him dying or being accused of sexual assault.
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So after Trump pardons Thanksgiving turkey will he then ship it to Mar-a-Lago to be secretly cooked & sold to guests at $100 a plate?
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Saying Mike Pence’s policy of never being alone with another woman makes sense is like saying people should never go to museums w/ famous works of art because it’s too hard to look and not touch.
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Trump tweet “Put big game trophy decision on hold until such time as I review all conservation facts. Under study for years. Will update soon with Secretary Zinke. Thank you!”
Who knew that some in the party that doesn’t give a damn about poor children and immigrants have a soft spot for elephants?
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Trump “unexpectedly” released list of 5 conservatives he might appoint to Supreme Court. Bribe for when more sexual assault accusations come out?
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Kayla Moore says President owes them thank you for taking “focus off Russia.” Except Trump might not be happy – Moore story also takes focus off Trump.
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Guess no one told @realDonaldTrump, that a- it’s “FrankenSTEIN,” and b- Frankenstein was the doctor. Monster he created had no name.
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Amazing GOP contortions to convince themselves that any woman who accuses a Republican is an angry liar & anyone who accuses a Dem a wronged saint.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders – “Difference between Franken and Trump is that Franken has admitted wrongdoing.” Right, adults do that.
So with Sarah Huckabee Sanders logic, any man who denies sexual harassment or abuse is innocent. I missed her exoneration of Bill Clinton.
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Trump says Al Franken “really bad.” Because he groped a woman’s breast instead of grabbing her by the pussy?
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That moment when you think a zygote is worthy of protection but a teenage girl is not. #KaylaMoore #RoyMoore
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: college football jokes, Janice Hough, kayla moore jokes, moore jokes, NCAA jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 11, 2017
Wondering how many in Alabama would have been more upset if Crimson Tide lost than to find out they might be electing a sexual predator Senator.
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I suppose it was too much to ask for that two undefeated SEC teams lose in on the same day? #Georgia #Bama
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Well, at least this embarrassment for Georgia on the football field didn’t involve a 4th quarter collapse in the Super Bowl.
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So is there still a chance Notre Dame and Georgia could meet in the “Over-rated” Bowl?
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I’m sure LSJUMB will take the high road over Fighting Irish blowout loss in Miami when Notre Dame plays Stanford in two weeks.
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Did someone tell Michigan State players they had a bye week this week. (Ohio State 48, MSU 3.)
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Wonder why NFL TV ratings down? Only free option for those near NYC/SF Sunday afternoon not Cowboys-Falcons or Texans-Rams but Giants-49ers.
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UCLA players accused of shoplifting, from as many as 3 different stores, remain at Hyatt in China. Gosh, hope this doesn’t interfere w/ their studies.
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#Cardinals already w/o Carson Palmer, now QB Drew Stanton injured; they will reportedly sign Matt Barkley. Kaepernick remains on list just below chopped liver.
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Alabama GOP position is that a 14-yr-old girl is adult enough to make her own choices about sex until she gets pregnant.
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Across America some 14 yr-old girls are just trying to convince their parents they should be allowed to date 15-yr-old boys.
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Some in GOP floating idea of delaying Alabama Senate special election. If this works will Trump try to delay 2020 election at least a few years?
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Bromance between Trump and Putin continues. How long until Vlad is named an honorary co-host of Fox and Friends?
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Trump on Putin’s being accused of election meddling -“I think he’s very insulted by it.” What’s Russian word for “snowflake.”
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Trump complains about Kim Jong-Un calling him “old,” says he wouldn’t call Korean leader “short & fat.” Is this US President or Alec Baldwin on SNL cold open?
But hey, is that what POTUS meant by “progress not provocation?”
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Tweet tweeted “Met with President Putin of Russia who was at #APECmeetings.” President Putin “of Russia.” Are there any Americans who don’t know who Vlad is?
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Trump on his Asia trip – “Well a lot of people said it is almost physically impossible for someone to go through 12 days.” And we were worried about Hillary’s health?”
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Rest of world going ahead with TPP and Paris Climate Accord. #MAIA – Make American Isolated Again.
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Silver lining for GOP with Roy Moore: Nobody is tweeting about their proposed tax relief for millionaires.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: "short and fat" jokes, Alabama jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
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October 15, 2017
One thing to have Pac 12 college football games start late on the East Coast. Another thing to have them start so late the bars close before fans can watch the end and celebrate.
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So many of top ranked college football teams lost this weekend that this might open up a spot in playoffs for Cleveland Browns.
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Thinking that the first quarter of college football games should not compete with SNL. #Stanford #Oregon
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But of course even after Stanford started 1-2 everyone had Cardinal leading the Pac 12 North after week five.
Columbia football is 5-0. Now this may really be a sign of the apocalypse.
Very now strange to see a starting pitcher in 9th inning of a baseball game when he didn’t come in as reliever. #Verlander #ALCS
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Tom Verducci said Verlander brought the game back to another era, Gibson, Koufax. Uh, he forgot Bumgarner. #ALCS
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ARod saying now steroids “cost me over $40 million..my reputation..the Hall of Fame.. & a number of other things.” Get out the violins
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The artist who put a statue of a urinating dog next to the “Fearless Girl” statue on Wall Street, was fatally struck by a NY subway when he apparently was standing too close to the tracks. Maybe they can use the dog statue as his tombstone? #subwaytohell
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Marwin Gonzalez left Minute Maid Park as soon as ALCS game 1 to be with his wife, who had gone into labor. He made it for the birth of his son. Good thing Gonzalez wasn’t playing in Nats-Cubs game 5, the kid would be walking before he arrived.
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Mississippi school district pulls ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ from reading list – it “makes people uncomfortable.” Uh, that’s the point. #snowflakes
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The Academy has expelled Harvey Weinstein. Oh good, so now there are no powerful sexual predators left in Hollywood.
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Had the Weinstein scandal just broken 6 months earlier Bill O’Reilly could have made the story centerpiece of final ‘The O’Reilly Factor.”
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Mike Pence campaigning in VA for gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie. So if some Dems put on uniforms & kneel for anthem will he leave?
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Almost week since devastating fires started in California. Still crickets from @realDonaldTrump. No doubt he’s preparing NFL tweet for morning.
Categories: football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball playoff jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Stanford jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 5, 2016
So despite a #18 ranking, Stanford was passed over by the Holiday Bowl in San Diego and the Foster Farms Bowl in Santa Clara because bowl organizers didn’t think fans of the school would travel. And just guessing, a matchup with North Carolina in El Paso on Dec. 30 isn’t going to change that image.
A note about the Sun Bowl. Stanford opponent North Carolina ranks 100 out of 128 FBS teams in allowing rushing yards per game. Over 223 yards per game. Just for comparison, Iowa, the Cardinal’s 2015 Rose Bowl opponent had allowed 128 per game in 2015.
#runChristianrun
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Meanwhile, Cal isn’t going to a bowl game, not because of their 5-7 record, but because their “APR” (Academic Progress Report” wasn’t high enough this year. What a disappointment for all those young men who just missed a .500 record.
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Meanwhile the Cotton Bowl will be played at AT&T Stadium, home of the Dallas Cowboys, which seats 100,000. And their New Year’s day game features Wisconsin and,,, Western Michigan? Well, 100,000 might also be the number of television viewers.
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So the #CFPlayoff is set with supposed top 4 college teams in US and Cleveland Browns are ignored again. #outrage
If you want to sum up the SF 49ers’ season in one incident how’s this? Dontae Johnson made a snow angel in the end zone to celebrate a blocked punt for a TD. Not only was he given a 15 yard penalty for “excessive celebration,” but he was ruled out of bounds at the 4 yard line.
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#SF49ers had 6 net passing yards today;Gabbert & Kaepernick sacked 6 times. Real question. How did this team EVER beat the #Rams?
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Well, probably too soon to say the @NBA MVP race is over. But Russell Westbrook has 10 triple-doubles this season; rest of the NBA has 11.
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Colin Kaepernick apparently has decided to become a free agent after the season. Wow. He should be about as sought after as SF 49ers season tickets.
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Top executives are leaving Sears, and there are rumors the company may go bankrupt Sad. Not that I’ve been in one of their stores in probably two decades, but who else besides me once thought the Christmas season really started when the Sears catalog showed up?
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Credit Trump for saving another American job for four years. That job is Alec Baldwin’s.
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So @realDonaldTrump does know every time he tweets against @snl millions of Americans tune in to see what he was complaining about? #ratings
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Serious open hints to @realDonaldTrump. If you think @SNL & #AlecBaldwin are that lousy, don’t watch. And get some sleep, you’ll need it.
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Trump is saying firms who outsource or move factories outside America will get a massive tax hike, while there will be benefits for those who stay or return. Does that mean a bonus for Ivanka if she moves production of her clothing line from China to the US?
Apparently Donald Trump is still looking for a qualified Secretary of State. Well, Hillary Clinton is available
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From T.C. “Carolina’s QB Cam Newton was benched for their 1st series tonight vs Seattle because he violated club dress code rules by not wearing a tie. Ex NFL QB Donovan McNabb said, “What? Ties are involved in NFL games!”
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bowl game jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, SNL jokes, Stanford jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 21, 2016
Tonight have to give it to Scotland. Where about 100 locals got together to buy some land near one of Donald Trump’s golf courses. And in advance of the Donald’s visit they planted this flag.
(yes, that is the Mexican flag.)
Well, I guess the SF GIants sympathy scoreless streak in honor of the Warriors at the end of Game 7 NBA Finals is officially over. (First runs scored in the 4th, 15-4 final win over the Pirates.)
On a brighter note for the Pirates, Monday Erik Kratz hit 1st home run, off #Madbum, today he pitched scoreless 9th, & struck out Belt.. Now that’s just piling on. #SFGIants
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Tuesday is #NationalSelfieDay. Wonder how many celebrated the day by also vying for a #DarwinAward?
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A GOP Congressional candidate for Congress is running a contest on his FB page to give away a AR-15 rifle. In Florida. Wonder if Muslim-Americans are allowed to enter.
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Wendy Bell, a former Pittsburgh news anchor was fired after she posted on Facebook in March about unidentified shooting suspects “You needn’t be a criminal profiler to draw a mental sketch of the killers…. They are young black men, likely in their teens or in their early 20s….”
Now Bell says she was fired because she is white. Nope, she was fired for being stupid. #Facebookitsaprivilegenotaright
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Lebron James, Jr, age 11, apparently already has scholarship offers from Kentucky and Duke. Not sure if dad will give his son any advice, other than not to announce his decision on an ESPN special.
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Donald Trump’s campaign has apparently spent over $6 million, about 10% of their total expenditures, into Trump branded products, from water to wine to hotels.
Not sure the reaction is “That’s appalling.” Or “That’s shocking, only 10%?”
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Donald Trump’s latest to evangelical leaders, “We don’t know anything about Hillary in terms of religion.”
So he’s saying they should vote for someone like him who’s been married three times and wants to date his own daughter? #smh
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Donald Trump has added Michele Bachmann to his Evangelical Advisory Board. #Jesuswept
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US. Rep. Steve King, upset about the idea of Harriet Tubman on the $20, is proposing an amendment to a House bill to ban the use of funds to redesign any Federal Reserve note or coin. No matter that such an amendment would also stop the government from anti-counterfeiting measures. #Cantfixstupid #butyoucanreelectstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Alabama jokes, college football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, mexico jokes, Trump jokes
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September 20, 2015
Ben Carson said he doesn’t think a Muslim should ever be President, because the religion isn’t “consistent with the constitution.” Well, actually, Dr. Carson, expecting Americans to follow ANY religion isn’t consistent with the constitution.
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Okay, who had both #Stanford & the #Raiders winning this weekend in football? Now all of you liars put your hands down.
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Right about now #JohnHarbaugh has to be thinking of calling brother #jimharbaugh & asking how to join the college coaching ranks. #BALvsOak
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Marco Rubio on Obama “He’s born in the United States. He’s a Christian. He’s the president of the United States for the next year and a half and we’re going to move on.” Uh oh, if Rubio doesn’t watch out he’s going to lose that all important crazy vote.
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Hillary Clinton is now saying she’s a “real person,” who can “talk about anything and everything – from the Kardashians to wonky climate change policy.”
Were those the best choices. While the overlap between the two groups is small, a lot of Americans don’t believe in at least one of those examples.
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So after beating #NIU by 7, #OhioState strengthens their hold on #1 in #APTop25. Shouldn’t the Huskies thus be at least in top 20?
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An Alabama wide receiver tweeted “For the second straight year, we will be in the college football playoff and Ole Miss won’t. Bama isn’t going anywhere.” Uh, AFTER Ole Miss won. #cantfixstupid #cantdomatheither
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The NY Post reports that New York City custodians took home an average pay of $109,467 in the 2013-14 school year. That’s almost enough to afford a studio apartment in Manhattan.
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Scary that this year it looks like the #NYJets might be the less dysfunctional NFL team in New York? #NYGiants
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Now some conservatives are claiming that Ahmed Mohamed really didn’t build a block and it was all a fraud to get attention, or worse, a “dry run” for a Muslim kid bringing a bomb to school. Sigh.
The boy would have been fine if he had just acted like a real Texan and built a gun
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Chris Christie, a Catholic, today on Pope Francis saying the U.S. and Cuba should restore relations: “I just think the pope is wrong. The fact is that his infallibility is on religious matters, not on political ones.”
Uh, wait, for the GOP aren’t religion and politics supposed to be the same thing?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Carson jokes, Clinton jokes, college football jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, SEC jokes, Stanford jokes
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January 2, 2015
As tweeted by Danny Nanell “The SEC Programming Network tomorrow.”
For the first time since 2005, there will be no #SEC team in the BCS National Championship. No punch line, I just like writing it.
Children in Africa tonight will be rejoicing over a shipment of brand new FSU vs. Alabama National Championship T-shirts.
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Many Florida State players refused to shake hands with Oregon players after the Rose Bowl samples. Maybe they were worried about giving possible DNA samples?
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Early in the 4th quarter, ESPN said #Oregon was “executing.” Yep, execution was the right term. FSU was looking for a clemency call from the governor.. #RoseBowl
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Good thing #FSU didn’t bring their 2013 BCS championship crystal trophy to the #RoseBowl. They probably would have dropped it. #OREvsFSU
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One Big Ten excuse in various Rose Bowls over the years is that Midwest teams have sometimes been distracted by a week in warm weather. Florida State might need to come up with a new one.
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As Lee Slice pointed out, the national championship is now – – the Rose Bowl. (Big 10 vs. Pac 10/12)
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Like many, I had hard time deciding who to root against more? Nick Saban or Urban Meyer? I think my son had it right, rooting for a 2nd half brawl that gets some players from the winning team suspended against Oregon.
(Of course, in retrospect, another reason to be happy about the OSU win, we know we won’t have to watch Alabama offensive coordinator Lane Kiffin on the sidelines.)
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Lewis Rudolph, 95, a co-founder of Krispy Kreme, has died. So presume instead of being embalmed he will be glazed?
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Undocumented immigrants can now get drivers licenses in California. While there are some issues where good people can disagree as to whether this is a good or bad idea, there’s one absolutely good thing about it – undocumented immigrants can now also get car insurance in California. #andnotliketheywerentgoingtodriveanyway
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Mario Cuomo has died at the age of 82. When it came to whether or not to run for President his decision-making abilities rivaled those of Brett Favre. But a very smart man, and one of the best political speakers of our time: “The American people need no course in philosophy or political science or church history to know that God should not be made into a celestial party chairman.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, BCS jokes, college football jokes, Florida State jokes, Janice Hough, Oregon jokes, OSU jokes, rose bowl jokes, SEC jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 8, 2014
The Browns may start Johnny Manziel at QB Sunday over Brian Hoyer against Cincinnati. Makes some sense. If Cleveland can’t make the playoffs, they’ll be at least more likely to make ESPN headlines.
William and Kate are on their first visit to New York City. Wonder if the Prince at some point has leaned over to his wife and whispered “Thank God this all isn’t our problem anymore.”
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Damn. Apparently a security guard was shot and seriously wounded during an post-game argument between 49ers and Raiders fans outside a San Jose bar. Well, it’s a good thing for public safety neither team’s fans will have anything to argue about during the playoffs.
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Well, all he did was basically show you can win a World Series with one starting pitcher. Even if he didn’t get a hit himself. Congrats Madison Bumgarner, Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year.
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At time of posting, reportedly Jon Lester is deciding between offers from the Chicago Cubs and the SF Giants. Wonder if the Giants would do something dastardly, like sending Lester videos of games when the wind is blowing out at Wrigley Field?
34 years ago tonight was really the day “the music died”, as John Lennon was fatally shot in New York. Harder to believe for many of us, people who were born after Lennon’s murder, are old enough to have children who know the Beatles music. #Timeswingedchariot
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After Oakland’s upset 23-14 win over SF, Raiders LB Sio Moore took to Instagram to refer to Colin Kaepernick as a “Freakin chump.” Not a huge Kap fan, but maybe Moore should be a little more restrained with his trash talking, considering his team is still 2-11.
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Not that I’m generally a soccer fan, but congratulations to the LA Galaxy on winning the MLS Cup. Guess having Robbie Rogers, who is openly gay, on the team, didn’t hurt the locker room too much.
A massive fire in a residential complex under construction basically shut down the 101 and 110 in Los Angeles Monday morning. So for commuters on those freeways it was basically a Monday commute as usual.
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Ralph Baer,,92, who invented the world’s first video game console, has died. In his honor, mourners at his funeral will spend the entire service playing on their smartphones.
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Baylor coach Art Briles is complaining about no Big 12 team in the College Football Playoff. And five power conferences, four playoff teams was always going to be a problem. But just maybe the Bears might want to up their non-conference schedule from Buffalo, SMU and Northwestern State. (The NY Jets might be available.)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, playoff jokes, Raiders jokes, William and Kate jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 16, 2014
Best thing about only one SEC team in the top four of the college football rankings? Increases the chances of getting the playoff from 4 to 8 games sooner rather than later.
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Although with all these upsets and near upsets, have to wonder, is college football trying to match the NFL for parity?
Original mantra from naysayers on climate change. “Well, China isn’t involved anyway, so what difference does it make?” New mantra “Well, it’s not like you could trust the Chinese anyway.”
Sad to say, but in the US more people are dying from frat parties than Ebola
The Charlotte Hornets’ Lance Stephenson drew a foul by hitting himself in the fact and flopping. Let’s hope Chris Paul and Blake Griffin didn’t see it.
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#21 Duke was upset by Virginia Tech today 17-16, despite the Blue Devils’ having had several late scoring opportunities. So is Duke really trying to be the “Stanford of the East?”
Meanwhile Bruce Jenkins of the SF Chronicle on the Stanford-Utah game “Apathy met irrelevance at Stanford Stadium on Saturday, and by the finish, it didn’t seem to matter whether Utah or the Cardinal prevailed.” Yeah, just about sums it up.
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So much for all those worries about Stanford coach David Shaw leaving for the NFL.
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The Marlins signed Giancarlo Stanton to a 13 year $325 million contract. Presumably the idea is to win another World Series and then trade him and his contract to the Yankees?
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Jose Canseco tweeted that he was playing in a poker tournament and “and something crazy happened to my finger that I shot off and they put back on….” Apparently it fell off. As Alex Kaseberg said “Talk about a bad hand.”
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California’s Santa Clara County has only a few more thousand ballots to count, and they hope to be done by the weekend. Almost two weeks after the election. Ah, it’s good to live in the birthplace of the high tech industry.
From T.C. “The world’s top ranked badminton player has failed a doping test. Badminton World Federation officials finally had to confront him when his serves reached speeds of 400 mph.”
T.C also passes this on, “Heard on the radio, Charles Barkley can chow down now after saying he wouldn’t eat another meal until the Lakers won. I bet he wouldn’t dare try that with the Oakland Raiders.”
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Canseco jokes, climate change jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes
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November 13, 2014
The college bowl game formerly known as the “Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl,” now scheduled for Dec. 30 at Levi’s Stadium, has been renamed and will now be the “Foster Farms Bowl.” So how long until it gets named the “Chicken Sh*t Bowl”?
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A tractor-trailer overturned and spilled about 25,000 pounds of frozen boxed turkeys onto I-680 in Northern California today. So forget free range, this year expect to see ads for freeway turkeys.
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One rumor has the Red Sox flying Pablo Sandoval out to Boston for a visit next week. Considering that the Boston weather is expected to have a high in the 30s, the SF Giants might be good with that.
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Tom Brady on Andrew Luck. “He does a lot of things I wish I could do.” Starting with turning back the clock to being 25 again?
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Blake Griffin has been charged with one count of misdemeanor battery for an October incident in a Las Vegas nightclub. Shocking. Mostly that when the police charged the Clippers’ forward, that Griffin didn’t immediately flop.
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KNBR’s Gary Radnich has noticed it too. For those going through SF baseball withdrawal, the San Antonio Spurs are kind of like the Giants. Not particularly flashy, not much attention on the highlight shows, but they play like a team and just keep winning. Although the Spurs don’t have any cool animal nicknames.
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Undefeated Florida State was dropped in the College Football Rankings, in large part because they haven’t had big enough margins of victory. Coach Jimbo Fisher shrugged it off and “I’m hoping to hold the integrity of the game higher than everybody else.” “Integrity of the game!” In college football?. And Fisher said it with a straight face.
Florida State officials apparently have agreed to postpone Jameis Winston’s upcoming student conduct code hearing until Dec.1, because the QB’s attorney told them he hadn’t had “sufficient time to review the evidence.” So on Nov. 30 presume they will ask for one more extension until say, Jan. 13? (The day after the College Football Championship game)
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KOMO-4 TV in Seattle discovered that beer at CenturyLink Field is watered down. Wow. Imagine how loud Seahawks fans would be if they were drinking the regular stuff.
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Marijuana sales actually fell for the first time in September since it became legal in January 2014. People saving up to buy extra for the holidays? Or new college students who didn’t realize it was a good idea to write down the addresses after their first purchase? (“Dude, where’s my pot store?”)
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Ted Cruz’s supporters have started a ‘Stand for Principle’ PAC to support him in 2016. Which means the Texas senator is probably running for President. Great news. For comedy writers.
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On a serious note, the attorney general’s office in the Dominican Republic reported that the Cardinals’ star rookie propect Oscar Taveras’s blood alcohol level was “five times the legal limit” when he crashed his car and died last month. Sadly proving once again that it’s not just the illegal drugs that can cause a problem in professional sports.
A 4.8 earthquake today hit Kansas, Oklahoma and Arkansas. Not sure, but maybe Mother Nature wasn’t very happy with last week’s election results.
What’s wrong with MLB’s TV & marketing focus on a few teams? #CoreyKluber just won the AL #CYYoung award. And many baseball fans are thinking “Who?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Blake Griffin jokes, college football jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
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November 3, 2014
As reported by the the SF Chronicle, apparently before the Giants World Series Parade the SF Police were chatting with Madison Bumgarner and along with all the congrats someone said “If there is anything we can do for you.” Madbum’s response, “Anything? Can I ride one of y’alls horses in the parade? After some discussion and risk assessment, the answer was something, well, not exactly DURING the parade.”
Meanwhile, the #SF49ers clearly needed #MadBum
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Small silver lining for #49ers fans? At least #Kaepernick ‘s last play wasn’t a butt fumble.
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Saddest thing for #NYJets fans about a sad season? That win against the #Raiders may have cost them #1 draft pick. Either that, or watching Mark Sanchez win in Philly?
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Washington coach Jay Gruden blasted an ESPN report today that said RG III has teammates who seem to disrespect him, saying it was “amateurish.” Well, if anyone should know about amateurish, it’s the coach of the Redskins.
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Silver lining with Stanford’s underwhelming football season. Players, coaches and fans get to celebrate New Year’s Eve at home.
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So one might think Oregon’s rout of Stanford might propel the Ducks into the top four for a projected BCS playoff spot. Nope, they’re still behind idle Alabama. #nopac12respect
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Clocks turned back last night. Meaning hard-core #Lakers fans had another hour to not sleep.
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Breaking news, a Kenyan has won the New York City Marathon” Wouldn’t it be more news if a Kenyan DIDN’T win the New York City Marathon?
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Not the Onion. A Tucson pastor was woken up by police at 2am because a member of his congregation said she thought she had Ebola and her pastor had returned from Africa in September. He had been to Zambia, which is further from West Africa than San Francisco is from Washington, D.C. #cantfixstupid
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Yet another example of why Trader Joe’s leaves other grocery stores in the dust. Saw a package of “Iced Cranberry Orange Scone Cookies” near the checkout. Told the cashier, those sound good. She said, “They are, want to try one?” Opened a box, gave me one, and offered them to anyone in the area. Sold about five boxes of cookies on the spot.
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Maybe there was too much hype for the #DENvsNE game? Peyton Manning might have thought he was back in the #SuperBowl?
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A new poll shows Charlie Crist 7 points ahead of Gov. Rick Scott in Florida. Wow. Might have to retire half my Florida jokes.
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From Jerry Perisho: Asked if she was going to the polls on Tuesday, Kim Kardashian said, “No, but I’m opening a new store in Warsaw, next spring.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, madbum jokes, Stanford jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 1, 2014
Jake Peavy bought a duck boat when the Red Sox won the World Series, and reportedly is buying a cable car after the Giants’ win. Peavy did tell a reporter afterwards that while he loves SF, he and Jon Lester would love to be on the same team and “who wouldn’t want to play in Chicago?” Maybe Peavy decided he has enough vehicles.
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A cruise ship that was stuck when it ran aground Saturday in Norway managed to get free at high tide. Passengers were relieved. CNN was bitterly disappointed.
Royal Caribbean’s new cruise ship has a Bionic Bar, with two “bartenders” that are literally robots that mix drinks to order. Fun for passengers,maybe. But even more fun for the the cruise line, who can pocket the automatic 15% gratuities.
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When Pac 12 ,Big 12, ACC, and Big 10 teams beat up on each other intra-conference, it is viewed as a sign of the conferences being weak without dominant teams. When SEC teams beat up on each other, it’s just another example of their superiority and strength of schedule…..
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Texas A&M suspended QB Kenny Hill two games for “a violation of team rules and athletic department policies.” Wonder if that violation includes playing like crap for the past three games.
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#Michigan & #Florida both won today.. Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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So did someone design those gray UCLA uniforms or did the blue and gold original colors just run in the laundry? #UCLAVsAZ #ugly
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Florida, in fact, upset #11, Georgia. Bulldog fans are now furious #FireMuschamp movement didn’t succeed before today.
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Pittsburgh missed a 26 yard FG that would have beaten Duke at the end of regulation. The shocking thing to casual football fans. It would have been an upset.
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A new study indicates that chocolate may help people avoid memory loss as they age. Makes biological sense. Assume we’ve evolved not to forget eating really good chocolate.
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Cal vs Oregon State starting the 4th quarter Saturday about 1030p Pacific time. Forget the east coast, these games are too late for many WEST coast fans to stay awake.
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The Lakers are 0-4. Only good news for Los Angeles fans. Unlike the Dodgers the team seems pretty sure not to be a disappointment in the playoffs.
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From T.C. “According to baseball analysts, Madison Bumgarner won the World Series for the San Francisco Giants single-handedly. ‘Good to know,’ said Kobe Bryant.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: college football jokes, cruise jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
October 19, 2014
And some people still think football players don’t need math skills. Tulane QB Nick Montana spiked the ball today near the end of the first half to stop the clock. On fourth down….. #Oops
Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill has filed for the trademark Kenny Trill, “Trill” apparently being a new word meaning “true and real.” So after today’s 59-0 blowout by Alabama does that mean it’s “true” that A&M is “real”ly over-rated?
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Notre Dame game winning TD against FSU called back for offensive pass interference. Guess the Fighting Irish couldn’t bring their own officiating crew from South Bend
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#WestVirginia upsets Baylor. And the Mountaineers will be getting flower deliveries from every one-loss #SEC school. #BAYvsWVU .
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Oklahoma’s star senior kicker Michael Hunnicutt missed a potential game winning 19 yd field goal, after missing a 32 yd attempt earlier, and having a extra point blocked. If the Sooners end up playing Stanford in a bowl there won’t be enough Maalox in the country for fans of both teams during place kicks.
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Although be careful what you wish for. No doubt many Stanford football fans were hoping tonight’s game against ASU wouldn’t come down to a field goal attempt by Jordan Williamson..
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Blake Griffin said he is frustrated over continued hard fouls, and “probably” will start retaliating if they continue. Could result in a big jump in Clippers’ TV ratings….
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So its now harder to vote than to buy a gun in #Texas.
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If seniors weren’t traditionally conservative voters have to figure Republicans would be trying to stop all this early voting in Florida. With the excuse that some percentage of these voters won’t still be alive on election day.
Interesting #FSUvsND matchup, One QB coming off a year’s suspension, another looking like he deserves one.
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President Obama today on Ebola “This is a serious disease, but we can’t give in to hysteria or fear — because that only makes it harder to get people the accurate information they need. We have to be guided by the science.” Science? Really? That’s it. Now FOX News is really convinced the President isn’t a real American.
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Spectacular. According to Texas’s new Voter ID laws, a veteran’s ID or student ID will NOT be acceptable as identification, even with photos on them. A concealed handgun license IS acceptable. Can we just let them secede NOW?
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For all those who think baseball is boring, thanks to Dwight Perry for this from Vox.com – The breakdown of a Cincinnati-New England televised NFL game on Oct 6::
. Players standing around between plays: 35.5 percent
• Commercials: 24.5 percent
• Replays: 10.7 percent
• Coach shots: 4.9 percent
• Referee shots: 3.2 percent
• Halftime: 3.2 percent
• Sideline player shots: 2.2 percent
• On-screen promotions: 2 percent
• Other (crowd shots, cheerleaders): 5.5 percent
Actual football being played? 8.3 percent.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Notre Dame jokes, Obama jokes, SEC jokes, Stanford jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 13, 2014
Since NLCS games 1 and 2 weres basically being called by St. Louis home town announcers can the SF Giants Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper call game 3 for Fox Tuesday?
The advantage of watching #SFGiants on FOX. All game stress is mitigated by ability to scream at TV regularly due to idiocy of Joe Buck
(and the above two are not sour grapes, I wrote both lines when the Giants were tied or winning.)
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But okay, if anyone had told #SFGiants fans that their team would have given up four home runs on mistake pitches while hitting ZERO home runs themselves, and the team would be returning to AT&T tied 1-1, (with Yadier Molina probably out for the series), they would have been ecstatic.
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Taylor Swift quoted on the cover of People Magazine. “It would take an astonishing human being for me to even consider getting back in a relationship.” Well, either that or a bad case of writer’s block.
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As bad as day as the Jets had, this week they didn’t even look like the worst team in New York. Or rather, New Jersey.
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MSU #1 in the new coaches poll. Ole Miss #3. So a lot of sportswriters and copy editors are finally finding a use for that old M-I-S-S, I-S-S, I-P-P-I spelling chant from grade school.
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USC escaped with a 28-26 win Saturday night despite 13 fourth quarter points from Arizona when the Wildcats’ kicker missed his third FG of the game, a 36 yarder with 12 seconds left. Trojan coach Steve Sarkisian said “God’s got a plan, but we’re not exactly what his plan is for us yet.” And God said, “don’t blame me for all these lousy Pac12 placekickers.”
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Raiders fans egged the Chargers’ team bus as it arrived at O.co Stadium for today’s game. Fortunately, since this was Oakland, most of the eggs were intercepted.
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After last night’s NASCAR race in Charlotte, Matt Kenseth and Brad Keselowski ended up fighting in the garage. If this sort of thing starts happening near the track it could double ratings.
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Wonder how many Americans are so worried about #Ebola that they are now reading updates on their phones while driving?
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John McCain now wants a “health care czar.” And hey, the post of Surgeon General is vacant. Why? Because Dr. Vivek Murthy, President Obama’s November 2013 nomination, hasn’t been confirmed by the Senate. Murthy’s crime, upsetting the NRA by calling guns “a health care issue” in a 2012 tweet…. #haveyounoshame
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving. A day where Canadian residents with national healthcare and reasonable gun laws look at the U.S. and feel thankful they live where they do. Of course, there’s a reason this day is in October, well before Canada deals with actual winter.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cardinals jokes, college football jokes, Ebola jokes, Janice Hough, Joe Buck jokes, McCain jokes, NLCS jokes, SF Giants jokes, Taylor Swift jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 5, 2014
Game time for Giants vs. Nationals is 2:07p. So SF fans won’t have to get that sudden debilitating mystery illness at work Monday until about noon.
So the AL representative in #WorldSeries will be either the Kansas City #Royals or the Baltimore #Orioles. And Fox executives just threw up.
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Still can’t get over all those empty seats in Nationals Park Saturday night in extra innings. It was if we were watching a Nationals game and an Expos game broke out.
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(And okay, so it was almost midnight and getting colder. As a veteran of the 7 plus hour Giants-Dodgers twilight doubleheader in July 1988, however, I have cred on this issue. Scott Garrelts lost BOTH games, the second about 130a.)
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On the other hand, right about now all those #49ers fans who complained about how cold it was at #CandlestickPark thinking “I take it back.” #LevisStadium
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The sunny-side of the stadium was largely empty in the second half of today’s 49ers-Chiefs game. On a brighter note, maybe the 49ers can rent out the place on weekdays as the world’s largest tanning booth?
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Randy Moss now says of playing under Jim Harbaugh with the 49ers: “He treated us men like we were still college kids at Stanford.” Does Moss mean Harbaugh overestimated most of the team’s maturity level?
Saw today’s new poll of the best 25 college teams and it inexplicably left off the #NYJets
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Although main thought watching week 5 in the #NFL. This league has a lot of mediocre football teams.
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So #11 Oregon, who beat #8 MSU by 18, is ranked below the Spartans in today’s coaches poll, and an undefeated #12 TCU is ranked below the #9 Oklahoma team they beat. Well, no one ever suggested anyone connected with college football is good with math.
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Paul Revere, founder of Paul Revere and the Raiders, has passed away at the age of 76. Please can someone get a comment from Sarah Palin on his death?
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Lots of rumors that this is Jim Harbaugh’s last year with the 49ers. This morning Jed York tweeted “Jim is my coach. We are trying to win a SB, not a personality or popularity contest. Any more questions?” Well, at least York didn’t say he was behind Harbaugh 1000%.
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Who ever thought #Jets fans would be looking back longingly to the glory days of #MarkSanchez and #TimTebow?
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More “Why there is no satire.” Todd Kincannon, former executive director of the South Carolina GOP tweeted yesterday. “People with Ebola in the US need to be humanely put down immediately.” And followed it with “The protocol for a positive Ebola test should be immediate humane execution and sanitization of the whole area. That will save lives.” And yes, he’s “pro-life.”
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Joint joke with my friend Alex Kaseberg. “What is with all the long, bushy beards on baseball players. Have not seen this many beards since Tom Cruise was auditioning potential future wives.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, Levis stadium jokes, Nationals jokes, NFL jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 5, 2014
18 innings. Wonder how this SFGiants Washington Nationals game would have had to go until we got to penalty kicks?
After Belt’s home run in the 18th, figured the game had gone on so long FOX announcers might actually say nice things about San Francisco Giants in hopes of just getting to go home. #SFvsWAS
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The game did only end at midnight thought, and lots of #Nationals fans had already left. Where do they think they were? Chavez Ravine? #SFGiants
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Until tonight #SFGiants pitcher Yusmeiro Petit managed to almost throw a perfect game against the Mets (8 2/3 innings), and broke the MLB record of 46 straight batters retired. But no one nationally had heard of him. Until tonight.
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Nice #Friendsarewaiting Budweiser commercial about the guy who stays with friends instead of driving home drunk. But it doesn’t show the dog pee somewhere all over the floor….
Despite a tough loss for the Cardinal, it was 40 degrees and rainy in South Bend, and 90 degrees and sunny in Palo Alto #Stanford #NotreDame
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Bobby Jindal said yesterday that President Obama should stop all air traffic from countries with Ebola. So what are the Louisiana Governor’s plans for closing his state’s border with Texas?
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Two passengers who were vomiting on the plane caused an entire United flight from Brussels to Newark to be quarantined for several hours on arrival. If vomit is enough to spark Ebola fears these days, there are going to be a lot of delays for folks flying home from Las Vegas.
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Lindsay Graham now says he “may just jump in” to the 2016 Presidential race. And Hillary Clinton is thinking this is almost as good news as having a grandchild.
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So Derek Jeter is having a big party on Long Island this weekend, which is “trending” because of reports that it’s a secret wedding. Sigh. Well, to be fair, Jeter has been out of the headlines for almost a whole week.
The SF Giants and Washington Nationals played two games and scored only three runs. But now Cal and WSU are playing an arena football game.
#Stanford can’t score, #Cal can’t play defense. This year’s “Big Game” will be subtitled “Something’s gotta give.”
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Cal wins 60-59 on a missed field goal despite giving up over 800 yards. So was the strategy to wear out Washington State’s kicker with all those PATs?
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So who figured the center of the college football world would now be Mississippi?
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From Bill Littlejohn. The U.S. Postal Service is set to unveil new Wilt Chamberlain commemorative stamps—-there are slated to be special notches on the first 20,000 of them”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cal jokes, college football jokes, Ebola jokes, Janice Hough, Nationals jokes, NLDS jokes, SFGiants jokes, Stanford jokes
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September 6, 2014
Oops. ESPN headline “Runs could be scarce when David Price and the Tigers host Madison Bumgarner and the Giants this afternoon.” (Not only did the Giants win 5-4, it was 4 to 2 after the first.)
Nice win for #SFGiants vs Detroit. But Miguel Cabrera against Romo? You could probably have gotten better odds that Miggy WOULDN’T have hit a home run. #sfgiants #hangingslider.
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Beginning to think the 2014 SF Giants strategy is to save all their hits for the first and last two months of the season?
Too much bad stuff for one post after Stanford USC game today. But for starters. 6 Red Zone chances for the Cardinal, 10 points. And two PUNTS for Stanford from USC 32 and 29 year line. Closer than the Trojans were when they kicked their 53 yard game-winning FG. #choke
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Well at least that #stanford fumble saved fans the agony of watching Williamson miss another field goal. #uscvsstan
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Though to be honest, happiest people watching USC vs. Stanford game had to be #Oregon fans. Both teams looked bad.
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And USC athletic director Pat Haden actually left his spot in the press box and came down to the field to argue with referees during the Stanford game. Wonder if Haden gets equally involved if some professor is about to flunk his players?
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San Jose State made $1.5 million to travel to Auburn to play the Tigers, , where they were 31 point underdogs. So was one of the oddmakers in Vegas a Spartans alum?
Kei Nishikori upset Novak Djokovic. A match that fans of underdogs and Scrabble players must have loved. #usopen.
Karma’s a mean b*tch. Or maybe just likes blue. Before the Virginia Tech game, Urban Meyer made ESPN announcers who visited the Buckeyes’ practice change their blue shirts to red and white OSU shirts. Since blue is Michigan’s color….. (For non-college football fans, Virginia Tech upset Ohio State, in Columbus.)
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In general, the Big Ten is looking like an oxymoron.
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Scotland is set to vote September 18 on breaking away from the United Kingdom. And a new Sunday Times poll shows independence winning 51% to 49%. If this secession happens can the US suggest it to Texas?
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Watching #Oregon football highlights. Still can’t pick out where they keep the generator to plug in those uniforms.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Big Ten jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Ohio State jokes, SF Giants jokes, Stanford football jokes, USC jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 