Posted tagged ‘Stanford football jokes’

Are you ready for some football? (And baseball.)

September 6, 2014

Oops. ESPN headline   “Runs could be scarce when David Price and the Tigers host Madison Bumgarner and the Giants this afternoon.”  (Not only did the Giants win 5-4, it was 4 to 2 after the first.)

 

 

Nice win for #SFGiants vs Detroit. But Miguel Cabrera against Romo? You could probably have gotten better odds that Miggy WOULDN’T have hit a home run. #sfgiants #hangingslider.

 

Beginning to think the 2014 SF Giants strategy is to save all their hits for the first and last two months of the season?

 

Too much bad stuff for one post after Stanford USC game today. But for starters. 6 Red Zone chances for the Cardinal, 10 points. And two PUNTS for Stanford from USC 32 and 29 year line. Closer than the Trojans were when they kicked their 53 yard game-winning FG. #choke

 

Well at least that #stanford fumble saved fans the agony of watching Williamson miss another field goal. #uscvsstan

Though to be honest, happiest people watching USC vs. Stanford game had to be #Oregon fans. Both teams looked bad.

And USC athletic director Pat Haden actually left his spot in the press box  and came down to the field to argue with referees during the Stanford game.  Wonder if Haden gets equally involved if some professor is about to flunk his players?

San Jose State made $1.5 million to travel to Auburn to play the Tigers, , where they were 31 point underdogs. So was one of the oddmakers in Vegas a Spartans alum?

 

Kei Nishikori upset Novak Djokovic. A match that fans of underdogs and Scrabble players must have loved. #usopen.

 

 

Karma’s a mean b*tch. Or maybe just likes blue. Before the Virginia Tech game,  Urban Meyer made ESPN announcers who visited the Buckeyes’ practice change their blue shirts to red and white OSU shirts. Since blue is Michigan’s color…..  (For non-college football fans, Virginia Tech upset Ohio State, in Columbus.)

In general, the Big Ten is looking like an oxymoron.

 

Scotland is set to vote September 18 on breaking away from the United Kingdom. And a new Sunday Times poll shows independence winning 51% to 49%.    If this secession happens can the US suggest it to Texas?

 

 

Watching #Oregon football highlights. Still can’t pick out where they keep the generator to plug in those uniforms.

So long, Al

October 9, 2011

R.I.P. Al Davis. Whatever you thought of the man, the No Fun League just got a little more boring.

Apparently Davis set up his will to keep control of the Raiders in his family. Well, actually that was Al’s backup plan. His real intent was to live forever.

Not to say Al Davis was a bit of a control freak. But in his will wonder how many years ahead he left instructions and choices for Raiders draft picks?


As my friend Ed says “Not a good week for men in black.”

Oklahoma Sooners 55 – Texas Longhorns 17. This could be the most embarrassing thing to happen to Texas football for a while. Especially since the Dallas Cowboys have a bye week.

So for all their money, the Yankees ended up this year without winning it all, and in most of the country, getting no love. Wonder if they got a congratulatory call from Mitt Romney.

Robert Jeffress, the pastor who introduced Rick Perry to the “Values Voters Summit” said that Mitt Romney’s Mormon faith is “a cult.” Several cults responded “Hey, don’t accuse us of including Mormons.”

Roger Williams, who died today at the age of 87, played for nine presidents, and still has the the best-selling piano record of all time, his 1955 “Autumn Leaves.” Many younger people these days, however, heard of his death and wonder who Williams was. And still others wonder “what’s a record?”

Stanford and Andrew Luck put on a clinic Saturday against Colorado. Which should impress Heismann and BCS voters. Both of them who are actually watching the game.

SI.com College Football ten Headlines late Saturday night: “No. 14 NU rallies from 21 down – McCarron, No. 2 Tide trip Vandy – No. 1 Tigers trump No. 17 Gators -No. 3 OU rips No. 11 Texas 55-17 -No. 8 Clemson wins; Boyd hurt -No. 13 Ga. Tech improves to 6-0 – Wake Forest topples No. 23 FSU -No. 18 South Carolina dumps UK – Thomas’ late TD rescues Hokies – No. 24 Aggies outslug Red Raiders 45-40.”

And No. 7 Stanford wonders why they keep winning and dropping in the polls.


How the mighty have fallen. Headline today on ESPN.com – “Tiger makes cut at Frys.com”

Caltech’s water polo team snapped their nine year and one day losing streak today against the Master’s College. Although to give them credit, Caltech players during that stretch did at least avoid drowning.

Another MLB playoff game, another late-night rain delay. What a shame that baseball isn’t a game that can be played during the daytime.

The NBA has already cancelled meaningless pre-season games. But Monday is David Stern’s deadline for the first two weeks of the regular season. And the two sides have announced they will not be meeting by then. Which means now the league will start cancelling meaningless regular season games.

Saturday Night Late.

October 2, 2011

Anyone have a clue what’s with SNL and the Lawrence Welk spoofs? Do they figure the only people who still regularly find the show funny are old enough to remember the original?

Stanford beat UCLA tonight in football, 45 to 19. In a game that starte at 745p. 1045p EST. Just in time maybe for the opening kickoff return to make the late night east coast news. All hail America’s true God – television.

The game finished just before 2am. EST. Presumably just in time for the first NFL pre-game show.

Barry Sanders, Jr, (yes, the son of the NFL Hall of Famer), is considering several universities where he might play college football. The leading candidates are apparently Oklahoma State, Florida State, Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn and Stanford. Of course, Stanford can offer Sanders one thing the other schools can’t – actual classes.

Another week, another heartbreaking collapse in the fourth quarter for Texas A & M. Who’s coaching this team? Lebron James?

A guy known as “Ben” is appearing on a Style Network reality show called “Sperm Donor,” where he told his fiance he may have fathered as many as 70 biological children. Responded a few anonymous NBA players – “Amateur.”


Looks like there may be a silver lining to Ohio State’s 2011 season. This year the Buckeyes won’t have any big-time bowl memorabilia to sell.

Now of course, OSU may right the ship. But if not, it could be a good rivalry game this year for the folks in Ann Arbor. Wonder how many headline writers are just itching to write “Wolverines tattoo Buckeyes.”


Kobe Bryant is apparently negotiating seriously to play in Italy next year. Presumably his wife will insert a clause saying the team must house him somewhere without room service.


Does NBA now stand for “No Basketball Anticipated?”

The FBI and Dept. of Homeland security are warning that our killing of U.S.-born militant cleric Anwar al-Awlaki, could spark retaliatory attacks. Uh, since Al-Qaeda’s stated objective is to kill Americans, this is different from standard operating procedure how?

At a fundraiser in N.H, Rick Perry said he is open to sending American troops to Mexico to help battle drug cartels. Can’t imagine where Perry gets his reputation for shooting off his mouth without thinking.

Although he insists he’s not entering the race for President, New Jersey Chris Christie is the latest hope for many in the GOP. It’s all become like watching a reality TV show titled “Who wants to be a Republican presidential candidate?”


Sarah Palin called Herman Cain the “flavor of the month.” Last night on the “Tonight Show,” Cain cheerfully proclaimed himself “Haagan-Daas Black Walnut,” saying he has “”substance.” Maybe, but many people’s experience with Haagan-Daas is that it’s rich, looks good, seems like a great idea at first, but then after finishing it you think, “Ugh, why did I do that?”