Posted tagged ‘SF Giants jokes’

Stages of grief?

October 12, 2016

So denial, then anger. Is the bargaining phase when we start rooting for #DustyBaker at least to get a ring? @SFGiants


What time is the game on tomorrow? Oh wait…. Yeah, baseball is designed to break your heart. #MLB #SFGiants

So in looking on bright side as #SFGiants fan, if #BlueJays make it to #WorldSeries we might get to watch #JustinTrudeau attend games.

#SFGiants going into late innings with 5 runs and a big lead does not appear to be a winning strategy. #NLDSGame4 #WorldSeries2002

Meanwhile, the San Diego Padres have fired their President after the team missed the postseason for the 10th straight year. So wonder who the next interim president will be.

Lebron James “In our locker room, they talk about sports highlights from the previous night, family and game strategy. what that guy was saying, that’s not — I don’t know what that is. That’s trash talk.”
It’s getting harder and harder to dislike King James.

The NFL is now penalizing players using Saints WR Brandin Cooks bow-and-arrow touchdown celebration, which he has always said was a sign of his faith in God. They say the gesture “mimics a violent act.”
A football league. “A violent act.”  And they said it with a straight face.

You can’t make this stuff up. Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway told GOP leaders who may be wavering in their support: “Enough of the pussyfooting around”
So was that supposed to be an attention grabbing comment?

The SF Chronicle reported that earlier this month Alaska AIrlines removed a passenger who was harassing a female flight attendant, saying things like “oooh, sexy,” during the safety demonstration. So did the guy think he was in a locker room or something?.


So I assume Russian hackers are only leaking emails from Democrats because Republicans never have said anything untoward in an email?


At a Florida rally, Donald Trump’s response after a woman fainted: “That woman was out cold, and now she’s coming back! We don’t go by these new – and very much softer – NFL rules. Concussions ‘Oh, you’ve got a little ding on the head. No, no, you can’t play for the rest of the season.’ Our people are tough.”
So let’s add NFL players and others who have suffered serious brain injuries to the list of people the Donald has taunted. Who had October 12 in the pool?

(My friend Linda points out, but if Hillary faints, she’s unfit for the Presidency.”)


Less than noble stuff in latest #wikileaks #PodestaEmails.  But I’m sure most of us never say or email anything we wouldn’t want on front page


Even #BIllCosby has to be looking at #Trump & saying “Are you kidding me?”


This Donald Trump sexual assault issue is rapidly becoming another “He said, she said, she said, she said, she said, story.:”

And no doubt the Trump campaign’s response will be to dredge up more allegations against Bill Clinton. When this election is over most of America will be ready for a good hot long shower….



From Marc Ragovin:  “Melania Trump announced today that Donald will no longer be in charge of assembling the grab bags for their son Baron’s upcoming birthday party”

The more things change…

October 1, 2016

Seems like old times – #RyanVogelsong starting tomorrow against #Cardinals tomorrow and a win puts the #SFGiants in playoffs..


As expected, #TyBlach vs #ClaytonKershaw was no contest, really. #SFGiants #Dodgers

One thing you can say about #TyBlach, he’s no #SalomonTorres. #SFGiants


Heaven knows the SF Giants have had some horrible losses this year. But when the playoffs are on the line & you lose to the Braves and the As, well, then maybe you really shouldn’t be in the postseason. #Tigers #Mariners

By my count, #SFGiants pitchers have 48 hits & 33 RBI’s this year. #WedontneednostinkinDH #PitchersWhoRake


Alabama coach Nick Saban says of star LB Tim Williams, arrested this week on gun charges, that he will face “internal” discipline, which will not involve a loss of playing time. So what will Williams have to do – go to a class? #suspensionsareforbenchplayers

Tomorrow morning’s game – try to tell the difference between whatever lines are uttered by Alec Baldwin tonight on SNL pretending to be Trump. and lines from the real Donald.

Trump tweeted last night “For those few people knocking me for tweeting at three o’clock in the morning, at least you know I will be there, awake, to answer the call!”
True, but maybe we don’t want the call answered by someone in the midst of the Twitter equivalent of drunk-dialing?.

Flipping through Glamour magazine at the nail salon I saw some interviews with women saying who they were voting for and why. About 2/3 were for Clinton, but one Trump gal starts out her statement “When I was little I was for Hillary….” She is 18 years old.

The Seahawks’ Doug Baldwin, a Stanford graduate whose father is a police officer, says he has received death threats because he called for law enforcement “to eliminate militaristic cultures while putting a higher emphasis on de-escalation tactics and crisis management measures.”
Got to wonder if some of the threats are from people who couldn’t even translate what he said.


Friday’s top quote: I’m “not sure anybody is more qualified than Hillary Clinton to be president of the United States.” The speaker, Bill Weld – former governor of Massachusetts and Gary Johnson’s running mate.

So by comparison was Leona Helmsley one of the “little people” who paid taxes?

#LastTimeTrumpPaidTaxes #HillaryClinton was just signing up for a newfangled AOL email account.

Jacob Hall, the 6 year-old boy shot at his South Carolina elementary school this week has died. His alleged 14-year old killer had been home-schooled since he was been expelled for bringing a gun to class. So are we going to build walls around schools or make sure all children are armed?


From Marc Ragovin.  “no bigger joke than the way mlb handled the end of thursday’s Cards/Reds game.”

(for anyone who didn’t watch or didn’t read about it later, the umpires somehow missed the fact that a ball bounced out of play over the fence and then bounced back, which was a ground rule double, and not a ball that would have let the Cardinals runner score from first.)


From Neal , post Friday night.  “Tonight’s #SFGiants game & his body slam of a fan running on the field, free agent #AngelPagan may be offered a contract by the #SF49ers?








If we stop laughing the bad guys win.

September 11, 2016

ESPN’s fantasy football app was down today.  The horror.  Many viewers were left with only being able to care about whoever actually won the game.

Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the #Browns losing on #NFL opening week

So as we honored all those who perished on September 11, and all of the first responders, etc, with ceremonies in MLB, perhaps we could make the date more significant going forward by having it be the ONLY time in the year teams play “God Bless America” during the 7th inning?


After watching #SFGiants revival in Arizona, looks like there’s at least one SF Bay Area team with chance of winning Monday night.

Just maybe #SFGiants have decided to eliminate #Casilla discussions by not taking 1 run leads to the 9th? #HunterPence

So Oklahoma State fell out of the top 25 after losing to Central Michigan even though officials admitted the game should have been over before the winning play. On the other hand, OSU shouldn’t have been that close to CMU at the end of the 4th quarter.
(ditto Clemson w/ Troy and Georgia with Nicholls.)


Kim Jong-Un has banned sarcasm. Yeah, right.


So @HillaryClinton has pneumonia. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to say when he is President he will build a wall to keep out pneumonia.


Just imagine what would have happened if @HillaryClinton had followed her doctor’s advice & stayed home from 9/11 memorial service. #cantwin

Meanwhile, Martin Shkreli showed up outside Chelsea’s Clinton’s apartment and actually heckled Hillary as she left after going there after the service.  Very little bipartisan agreement in this country, but can we agree that Shkreli is a poor excuse for a human being?

All of us are just guessing, really. But interesting how the same people who are positive Hillary is hiding something in her medical records are convinced there’s nothing to see in Trump’s tax returns.

In Tampa, a man tried on a bulletproof vest last night while his cousin fired a shot to see if it worked. It didn’t. One Darwin, one manslaughter charge. #ifonlytheywerearmed No wait… back on your game, Florida.


My writing is mostly about sports and politics, and I don’t like playing the woman card. But give me a break, folks. Of course Hillary went to the 9/11 memorial today when she was sick. She’s a woman and a mom. Women go to important things when we are sick. We take care of our kids, significant others, we go to work if work needs to be done. Whereas men, at the risk of being “grossly generalistic….” Okay, rant’s over.

Round and round we go.

September 10, 2016

The Battle at Bristol gets the new record for most attendance at a NCAA football game at 155,690. What’s next, a game in Times Square where they sell SRO tickets?



Many SF Giants were shocked to see an unaccustomed sight in the dugout tonight during the team’s 11-3 win over the Arizona Diamondbacks – smiles.


Did #Northwestern decide to stop playing Division 1 #FBS football last offseason and just not tell anyone?

Millions of Americans dislike both #Trump & #Clinton & think choosing the lesser evil is tough – what about when #Yankees play #Dodgers?


ESPN commenting on how old US Open women’s champion @AngeliqueKerber is…. she is 28 years old.

Not sure who will with the Willie Mac award for this year’s most inspirational SF Giant. But the award for the Giant most likely to drive fans to scream, cry and/or drink has to go either to Santiago Casilla or the manager who keeps putting him out there.

Two games for USC, two players ejected in 1st half each game: LT Chuma Edoga today for pushing an official, LB Jabari Ruffin last week for stomping on an opponent’s groin.
So maybe  coaches Sarkasian & Kiffin weren’t solely responsibly for all that Trojan embarrassment after all?

Many of Hillary Clinton’s fundraisers are closed to the press, last night’s LGBT event WAS open to some media. And she said this – “To just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it,”
So was it a gaffe by a very cautious politician? Or a deliberate hand grenade tossed to set off an carefully-timed explosion?


Hillary has backed off the “half” of Trump’s supporters on the “basket of deplorables” line, but not the concept. As the old joke goes “We’ve already established that, now we’re haggling price.


Guessing @realDonaldTrump is furious at @HillaryClinton over #BasketofDeplorables – insulting millions of Americans is HIS job.

Donald Trump yesterday “With Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water.” How Presidential of him.


Mike Pence “I think it’s inarguable that Vladimir Putin has been a stronger leader in his country than Barack Obama has been in this country. And that’s going to change the day that Donald Trump becomes president.”
So Trump’s first act is going to be to disband Congress?

Fear factor.

August 14, 2016

Thousands of passengers were evacuated at JFK airport tonight over alleged gunshots that turned out to be nonexistent. The sound may just have been cheering for Usain Bolt.

Yep, fear itself is winning.


On a more mundane note, getting really tired of saying “Well, THAT was the worst loss of the year. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Apparently  closer Santiago Casilla was just lulling us into a comfortable state of delusion.

It’s a long season, but pretty sure that if ‪#‎Casilla‬ is last ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitcher in 2016 season he will not walk off mound a winner.

But on a brighter note, clearly Johnny Cueto, 2-3 today with an RBI, has benefited and learned from being in the same clubhouse as Madison Bumgarner.

Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers said they were robbed at gunpoint last night by fake Brazilian police, a report confirmed by the U.S. Olympic committee. The IOC says the reports are “absolutely not true,”
Gosh, hope this one blatant lie doesn’t tarnish the IOC’s credibility.

So does anyone really care about ‪#‎Olympics‬ medals in tennis and golf? Even tennis and golf fans?

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange hates Hillary Clinton, in part because he says she is against the media and freedom of speech. So he wants to help Trump get elected? ‪#‎unclearontheconcept‬

So with a team full of ‪#‎NBA‬ starters plus luxury ship accommodations , ‪#‎TeamUSA‬ barely wins games. Will their gold medal, if they get one, have asterisk? ‪#‎Rio2016‬

Donald Trump used free publicity as a major tool in his fight  to win ‪#‎GOP‬ primary, now complains about media. Talk about biting hand that bottle fed you.

Trump running mate Mike Pence now said he will publicly release his tax returns but did not say when. A GOP spokesman said it would be before the November election. Not of course specifying which year.

Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
Leaving aside the fact that the Donald doesn’t need any help, and if Trump is elected no opposition politician or world leader would ever do the same thing?

Happy Birthday, Mr President.

August 4, 2016

All of these emails today urging me to sign President Obama’s birthday card. Now saying “last chance” or “urgent.” Somehow I think he’ll get over not seeing my name.


#‎SFGiants‬ got a runner on 3rd home with less than two out on a sacrifice fly today. Hope this isn’t a sign of apocalypse.


And with his 10th inning game winning home run, can Giants call Denard’s hit a “Span over troubled water?”

Paul Ryan says that Donald Trump has had a “strange” run since the Republican National Convention. In other news the speaker has announced that water is wet.

Approval ratings for President Obama at 54%, highest of  his 2nd term. As most Americans realize how much they will miss him.

It’s looking like this will be Alex Rodriguez’s last year. Wonder if other teams will start gifting A-Rod commemorative cushions for while he sits on the bench.

Framingham State University in Massachusetts has canceled future Cinco de Mayo events after a student complained about the decorations and burrito bar “‘I feel as though whenever an event like this is taking place we go straight to stereotypes and it is EXTREMELY offensive!’
What’s next? Waiting for someone to complain that the 4th of July is offensive to those of British heritage.


Apparently a convoy of tourists in Afghanistan was attacked by the Taliban and at least six were injured. Shocking. There are tourists now in Afghanistan?

An 11 year old boy in North Carolina asked Mike Pence  “I’ve been watching the news lately and I’ve been noticing lately that you’ve been kind of softening up on Mr. Trump’s policies and words. Is this going to be your role in the administration?”
This kid has more cojones than most journalists, can one of the networks sign him up?

The man accused of killing nine African-Americans in a Charleston church was apparently attacked and beaten today by a fellow inmate in jail today. “I feel so sorry for him” said no one.


If someone had written a novel about @realDonaldTrump’s Presidential campaign it would have been rejected by editors as too unbelievable.


#‎RussellWestbrook‬ reportedly deleted ‪#‎KevinDurant‬‘s farewell text to him. So “You had me at good bye?”

A young man with “mental health issues” in London is apparently responsible for fatally stabbing one woman and injuring several other people. Can only imagine had he been in the US with access to guns.

Sad, a knife attack in London has left 1 dead and several injured. A 19 year-old man is in custody. While terrorism remains a possibility,” the police say “mental health was a significant factor.”
“Mental health?” No race or religion to blame? Well, carry on then…



From Gerry. W., a fee that could make airlines millions,  and that many travelers would actually  applaud:

Get out the rake.

July 31, 2016

Madison Bumgarner today had a pinch-hit lead off double for the SF Giants.  Too bad manager Bruce Bochy doesn’t have more bench players who can hit like him. #PItcherswhorake


After Saturday’s SF Giants win manager Bruce Bochy was talking about deciding who to pinch hit: “Of course I’ve got Bumgarner on my left shoulder wearing me out”. And Bochy thought it was bad before today…


So at what point does some opposing pitcher write on wall of SFGiants visitor’s dugout “Do NOT throw fastballs to #40?”


The Chicago Cubs  put pitcher Travis Wood in left & he made a great catch against ivy at Wrigley. Uh, oh, hope Madison Bumgarner isn’t watching. He’ll want to play the outfield next.

Then in the bottom of the 12th, Jon Lester won it for the Cubs with a suicide squeeze. #Pitcherswhokindofrake?



Earlier today the Warriors’ Draymond Green posted a picture of his junk on Snapchat, then took it down about 10 min later “I kinda hit the wrong button and it sucks. It was meant to be private. We’re all one click away from placing something in the wrong place and I suffered from that this morning.”
Uh, “WE’RE all…?” ‪#‎Ifsocialmediaisoutlawedonlyoutlawswillhavesocialmedia‬?. Or more like ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

The Brewers are 15 games out in 4th place, and catcher Jonathan Lucroy just exercised no-trade clause to veto trade to the first place Indians. Maybe just as well for Cleveland, has anyone checked Locroy for concussions?.

The Yankees have traded Andrew Miller, effectively surrendering for the season. Time for ESPN really to focus on football

After tweets of hers from 2013-14 showed her repeatedly using the “N” word, Miss Teen USA, Karlie Hay, 18, apologized, saying “several years ago I had many personal struggles and found myself in a place that is not representative of who I am as a person.”
So, Ms. Hay is young, but is she aspiring to be a GOP speechwriter?


Waiting for the Trump excuse, “I alone can debate myself.”

Let me see if I have this right. Trump supporters believe parents of children who were killed accidentally by illegal immigrant drivers were onstage for the good of our country, but the parents of a Muslim-American who died in Iraq were telling their story only for political propaganda….


From T.C.  “Sign that I’m bringing to AT&T Park. Hunter Pence has read The Constitution!!”