Posted tagged ‘Lebron James jokes’

Stages of grief?

October 12, 2016

So denial, then anger. Is the bargaining phase when we start rooting for #DustyBaker at least to get a ring? @SFGiants


What time is the game on tomorrow? Oh wait…. Yeah, baseball is designed to break your heart. #MLB #SFGiants

So in looking on bright side as #SFGiants fan, if #BlueJays make it to #WorldSeries we might get to watch #JustinTrudeau attend games.

#SFGiants going into late innings with 5 runs and a big lead does not appear to be a winning strategy. #NLDSGame4 #WorldSeries2002

Meanwhile, the San Diego Padres have fired their President after the team missed the postseason for the 10th straight year. So wonder who the next interim president will be.

Lebron James “In our locker room, they talk about sports highlights from the previous night, family and game strategy. what that guy was saying, that’s not — I don’t know what that is. That’s trash talk.”
It’s getting harder and harder to dislike King James.

The NFL is now penalizing players using Saints WR Brandin Cooks bow-and-arrow touchdown celebration, which he has always said was a sign of his faith in God. They say the gesture “mimics a violent act.”
A football league. “A violent act.”  And they said it with a straight face.

You can’t make this stuff up. Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway told GOP leaders who may be wavering in their support: “Enough of the pussyfooting around”
So was that supposed to be an attention grabbing comment?

The SF Chronicle reported that earlier this month Alaska AIrlines removed a passenger who was harassing a female flight attendant, saying things like “oooh, sexy,” during the safety demonstration. So did the guy think he was in a locker room or something?.


So I assume Russian hackers are only leaking emails from Democrats because Republicans never have said anything untoward in an email?


At a Florida rally, Donald Trump’s response after a woman fainted: “That woman was out cold, and now she’s coming back! We don’t go by these new – and very much softer – NFL rules. Concussions ‘Oh, you’ve got a little ding on the head. No, no, you can’t play for the rest of the season.’ Our people are tough.”
So let’s add NFL players and others who have suffered serious brain injuries to the list of people the Donald has taunted. Who had October 12 in the pool?

(My friend Linda points out, but if Hillary faints, she’s unfit for the Presidency.”)


Less than noble stuff in latest #wikileaks #PodestaEmails.  But I’m sure most of us never say or email anything we wouldn’t want on front page


Even #BIllCosby has to be looking at #Trump & saying “Are you kidding me?”


This Donald Trump sexual assault issue is rapidly becoming another “He said, she said, she said, she said, she said, story.:”

And no doubt the Trump campaign’s response will be to dredge up more allegations against Bill Clinton. When this election is over most of America will be ready for a good hot long shower….



From Marc Ragovin:  “Melania Trump announced today that Donald will no longer be in charge of assembling the grab bags for their son Baron’s upcoming birthday party”


A long long time ago…..

June 6, 2016

#‎VinScully‬ was apparently telling ‪#‎DDay‬ stories tonight during ‪#‎Dodgers‬ loss. Wonder they included seeing ‪#‎JamieMoyer‬ pitch that day?

Steph Curry is bowing out of the Olympics. Makes sense. If he wants the experience against playing against a team of mixed amateurs and professionals, the Warriors have plenty of games next year against the Lakers.

Madison Bumgarner wants to participate in the All-Star Game Home Run Derby. Now, that would probably be too dangerous with the injury risk of swinging that many times. But since the game “counts” maybe Bochy could let ‪#‎Madbum‬ pinch hit? ‪#‎pitcherswhorake‬


Looking like ‪#‎LebronJames‬ is about 2 games, and one 2013 miracle Ray Allen shot, away from going 1-6 in ‪#‎NBAFinals‬.

Marshawn Lynch confirmed his retirement on a 60 Minutes Sports/Sports Illustrated segment “No I’m done. I’m done. I enjoyed my time playing, now it’s time to watch my cousins do their thing.”
Wow, retirement has made Lynch positively loquacious.

Hillary’s bro-in-law ‪#‎RogerClinton‬ was just arrested for his 2nd DUI. Clearly that makes him unfit to be related to a President. On the other hand, does that qualify him to run for V.P.? ‪#‎Cheney‬


Got an email today saying that “Even if Clinton’s already won, a vote for Sanders will help defeat Trump.” Because the more delegates Bernie gets, the more supportive he’s going to be of Hillary in November? Yeah. Right.

A former Secret Service agent has an anti-Clinton book due out this month. Gary Bryne says he has “no animosity” towards the former First Family: “But I could not keep from asking myself how our nation’s leaders could be so reckless, so volatile, and so dangerous to themselves and to our nation.” And I am sure Bryne has no other rea$on$$$$$$..


More on the Stanford rape case, and what feels like a sentencing debacle – the convicted rapist said he thought the sex was consensual, but when two other students happened upon him with the young woman, he ran away. Uh, if he was with a consensual partner, the natural impulse might be to cover up, or to shield her, or just to tell the others “go away and give us some privacy.” Not to run.


Mean bitch karma had to be disappointed with the sentencing in the Stanford rape case. On the other hand, had the rapist. Brock Turner, been given a reasonable sentence, it might have been a 24 hour story and maybe he gets out of prison and rebuilds a life in anonymity. Not a chance now. So not a win, but not a complete loss either. ‪#‎Neverdismissmeanbirthkarma‬-



Hall of Fame and Shame?

July 28, 2014

Greg Maddux once threw a complete game in an 1 hour and 46 minutes, and threw another complete game in 76 pitches. (63 strikes.) Both records equaled in about two innings of an average Red Sox-Yankees game

Another thought about the baseball Hall of Fame, and the steroid-era players. Have been hearing a lot about how the Veterans’ committee won’t put them in because so many of them are anti-PEDs. But of course, players from other eras don’t consider what THEY took to be PED’s. #greenies

Two young men kayaking in Jamaica Bay, NY lost their paddles, and ended up washing up near a runway at JFK Airport, without being detected by the airport’s $100 million security system. But on the other hand, this weekend at JFK, TSA did confiscate probably 1,000 bottles of water.

So did you hear who won the #tourdefrance ? Me neither


Have heard some say if sanctions are lifted against Cuba that MLB will be full of Cuban players. On the other hand, thinking right now that many Cuban kids grow up completely focused on baseball without distractions. Give them fast food, U.S. television, smartphones and other tech toys…and who knows. Their fundamentals may end up as sloppy as those of many U.S. kids.

Lebron James is going to go back to #23 with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Stand by for the ESPN miniseries on how he arrived at that decision.

Byron Scott, 53, has signed a 4 year deal to become the Lakers new head coach.  With all the  LA “veterans” Scott would fit right in as a player coach.

Will Clark is 50 years old. And were he in uniform he had a better chance of getting a hit Sunday night than #22 Dan Uggla #retire22 #SFGiants



Sarah Palin has a new subscription-based Internet network, #SarahPalinChannel, which will feature her commentary and the ability for subscribers to ask questions. Monthly subscriptions will cost $9.95, but the show will presumably suddenly stop halfway through each month.


Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist, who’s running again against Rick Scott, about Scott’s and Marco Rubio’s “I’m not a scientist” dodge of the global warming question. ““I’m not a scientist either, but I can use my brain, and I can talk to one.

(Alas, in Florida sometimes it seems like open minds are more discouraged than open carry.)



Carolina DE Greg Hardy was convicted this month of assaulting a female – his ex-girlfriend – and communicating threats. He was sentenced to 60-day suspended jail sentence and 18 months’ probation, and will not talk about the incident except to say “I hate that I have distracted my team.”

The Panthers said they will wait to see what the NFL does, and not suspend Hardy pending the outcome of his appeal in a jury trial. (Which will be after the season) I’m sure the fact that he’s a Pro Bowler has nothing to do with it….


LeBron gone.

July 11, 2014

Open note to Miami fans. There are children in Africa who need clothes. Just in case you were thinking of a jersey bonfire? #Lebron

Most googled question in #Cleveland today? “How do you get burn marks out of a jersey? #Lebron

Lebron James returning to the #Cavaliers. Best sure thing about this for #Cleveland fans? It knocks Johnny Manziel off the front page.


Miami Heat owner Micky Arison sent a classy ‘Thanks for the memories” tweet about Lebron James leaving, even though it’s not great news for his franchise. But Arison must be used to train wrecks by this point – he also owns Carnival and Costa Cruises.


“There are no second acts in American lives.” So somewhere maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald is saying “F**k you, Lebron James.”

Suspended Uruguay soccer star Luis Suarez is leaving his professional team of Liverpool for Barcelona. Wonder how long he had to chew on that decision?

Chad Johnson, now a member of the Montreal Alouettes, scored his first touchdown since 2011 and celebrated by hugging a CFL official. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.

Forget #Lebron, the REAL breaking news is that Tim Lincecum got Paul Goldschmidt out #SFGiants

Curtis Reeves Jr. the man charged with shooting a man for texting inside a movie theater, was released on bond today. Reeves will be allowed to leave home only for church, court, doctors’ appointments, and the GROCERY STORE. New catch  phrase in Florida: “Cover me, I’m going for a quart of milk..”


Mashiro Tanaka, on being injured. “I want to apologize to the Yankees organization, my teammates and our fans for not being able to help during this time.” How long until the NY Yankees apologize to their fans for this season?


Brazil vs. the Netherlands for 3rd place in the World Cup Saturday. Have we finally found a sporting event where athletes care less than the NFL Pro Bowl?

Consumer Reports just rated California-based “The Habit Burger Grill” as having the best (chain) burger in America. Uh, many people would say it’s not even the best burger in California.



From Alex  Kaseberg:  “100 years ago, Babe Ruth made his baseball debut. It was a big day, Larry King threw out the first pitch. “


(and I’m thinking, who could forget the Babe’st thrilling first hit off of Jamie Moyer?)



Well, Jerry Brown may win re-election easily in California, but for 2012 Gubernatorial fun at least we have Florida. Where Gov. Rick Scott just criticized Charlie Crist as “elitist” for wearing a Rolex. Scott is worth about $150 million and has his own plane.

Continuing Heat wave?

June 6, 2014

San Antonio says they have fixed the air conditioning after a sweltering game 1 at A T & T Center. Considering the result, have they fixed it at a constant 90 degrees? #Spurs


Lebron James says “I know I’m the easiest target that we have in sports, I’m aware of it.” And A-Rod responded “Who am I, chopped liver?”


Bud Selig twice referred yesterday to the of the 20014 MLB Draft. 20014? Maybe the commissioner was confused. That’s when his Blue Ribbon Committee will make a decision on the proposed move of the Oakland As..

Rashad McCants, who as a junior was a member of UNC’s championship men’s basketball team, says that tutors wrote his papers and he took ‘bogus” classes to stay eligible during his three years at the university. Gosh,at least Calipari’s “one-and-dones’ only fake their way through one semester.

J.Lo and Casper Smart have split up. Wonder if she left him for a younger man?

John McCain is loudly criticizing President Obama’s deal to release Bowe Bergdahl. Which is particularly interesting considering that Senator McCain himself was part of a POW swap by Richard Nixon. #memoryisthefirstthingtogo


Friday was the 70th anniversary of #DDay, the invasion of Normandy. For many college football players not to be confused with days when they found they barely avoided “F”s in class.


An analyst says the New York Knicks could now be worth $3 billion. Could you imagine how much the team might be worth if they could actually make the playoffs?


A Ghana witch doctor says he put a spell on Portugal star Cristiano Ronaldo and caused his thigh injury. Yeah, well if the witch doctor is really good let’s see if he can get Ghana out of the World Cup first round…..



The first tweet from @CIA -“We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet.” Waiting for some GOP House member to call this a time wasting exercise and blame it on Obama.


A San Antonio area school district is upsetting some parents by banning children from bringing sunscreen to school or on field trips. Sunscreen is considered a toxic substance. Wonder if it’s okay if kids bring something harmless instead, like guns.

(My friend Jeff Klein adds “Tan your Ground.”)


Richard Sherman beat out Cam Newton in online voting at and so will be on the cover of the new “Madden NFL 15” video game. Which could be good news, for Panthers and 49ers fans.

A Seattle Pacific University student monitor who pepper-sprayed the gunman and tackled him is being hailed as a hero. Out of habit the NRA responded, “if only he had been armed.”

Regarding this Super Bowl Arabic-Roman numbering issue, Marty says he’s looking forward to  “World Series CVIII.”

The King’s speech.

February 18, 2012

Lebron James said he could see himself back in Cleveland some day. And some fans in Miami are upset. Seems like James’ idea of a long-term committed relationship might be the same as Newt Gingrich’s.

Lebron is trying to quell controversy in Miami over his remarks about possibly returning to the Cavaliers at some point, and says Heat fans “shouldn’t be worried.” Maybe King James should use the controversy control technique of keeping an aspirin between his lips.

Tim Wakefield, 45, says he is retiring. Responded Jamie Moyer – “So young?”

From T.C. “Massachusetts will honor Wakefield by reducing highway speed limits to 48 mph that day in tribute to his fastball speed.”

Lin-sanity temporarily derailed Friday night by the…. New Orleans Hornets? Well, it is the weekend before Mardi Gras. Never underestimate the power of Voodoo.

Meanwhile the Detroit Red Wings got their 22nd consecutive home win tonight. The reaction in most of America -. “That’s great, what sport do they play?”

One amusing sidelight in this Jeremy Lin story: How often do we get to hear about a Harvard graduate overcoming adversity?

The Cincinnati Bengals have hired former Oakland Raiders coach Hue Jackson as an assistant coach. Well, Hue better to have experience with dysfunctional football teams?

Apparently one of the people involved in lobbying Maryland state lawmakers for marriage equality is Dick Cheney. No doubt someone in the GOP will be soon be dismissing the former V.P. as a flaming liberal like his old pal Clint Eastwood.

Mitt Romney joked at a Michigan rally this week: “Any old girlfriends here? I better be careful.” Really? Girlfriends? Mitt, America is having a hard enough time believing you actually produced five sons with your WIFE.

Another thought about this birth control controversy. If religious institutions can deny coverage for sometihng they believe is immoral, why not deny coverage for STD’s for both sexes, especially unmarried men as well as women, since they shouldn’t be doing anything to get such a disease?

Dead cat bounces?

August 11, 2011

A “dead cat bounce” (apologies to my cats) is a term used to describe a stock or stocks that crash, and bounce up briefly, but end up falling down again. Hence, they are dead cats and the bounce is an illusion.

So which on Tuesday will turn out to be the deader cat bounce. The stock market’s one-day rise of 430 points? Or the San Francisco Giants’ 6-0 win over Pittsburgh?

(Wednesday the market fell over 500 points and the Giants lost 9-2, to a Pittsburgh team that had lost 11 of 12, and to a pitcher on a four game losing streak.)

My friend Rich opined that the Giants might need to “kick some asses.” With all due respect, these days if they tried to kick ass, the Giants would swing and miss.

NBA players are scrambling for something to do during the lockout. Lebron James indicates he won’t play in Europe. Instead he might star in a remake of “Wedding Crashers.” At least that way Lebron will get close to some rings.

Jacksonville Jaguars coach Jack Del Rio has announced he has now forbidden rookie hazing. I guess he figures playing in Jacksonville is punishment enough.

Sometimes no punchline can top reality: Rex Grossman today predicted the Redskins would win the NFC East.

The Toronto Blue Jays have been accused of stealing signs, allegedly with a man dressed in white in the outfield, waving his arms around to indicate the pitch.

Actually considering the records, lineups, and most importantly payrolls of the teams in front of the Jays, maybe the fan in white is just signifying surrender.

Sarah Palin is relaunching her “One Nation” bus tour this week in Iowa in advance of the GOP straw poll. According to a fundraising solicitation for Sarah PAC, the bus is also scheduled to travel to the boyhood homes of Harry S. Truman and Ronald Reagan (Independence, MO and Dixon, IL). Which means the tour will quit somewhere in the middle of Missouri.

Texas Governor Rick Perry told the Dallas Morning News that his alma mater, Texas A&M is considering moving to the SEC for football. Yeah, you can tell Perry is thinking of running for President, he’s focusing on the issues that are really important to Americans.

Nigel Lythgoe, an executive producer for “American Idol” said today Jennifer Lopez will return to judge another season. Is this what they call a “behind” the scene report?

Tiger Woods seems to be trying to avoid controversy these days. Wood said he texted Steve Williams to congratulate his former caddie on the win Sunday. Tiger would have avoided a lot more than controversy if he had just stuck to texting Williams in the first place..

During the FAA impasse when airlines were not collecting the 7.5 percent U.S. domestic tax, our travel agency had exactly ONE client ask about getting the tax back for tickets he had booked in May for early August. This client is a multimillionaire. And some wonder how the rich stay rich.

Foreign exchange?

August 9, 2011

Lebron James says that despite the possibility of the lockout cancelling the entire NBA season, he is not considering offers to play internationally. Apparently he’s found out that foreign teams expect you to play all four quarters.

And in the U.S., football fans are eagerly looking forward to the preseason starting on Thursday.

Meanwhile, up in Canada, Toronto Argonauts fans are saying “Any chance of moving that lockout up here, eh?”

(the Argos are 1-5, losers of five straight, and have been outscored 128-178.)

San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy says he used a hypnotist to break his habit of chewing tobacco. Good for him, but maybe next he could use the same hypnotist to break his players’ habit of swinging at pitches out of the strike zone?

The Pittsburgh Pirates had lost ten games in a row before Monday night. Maybe the only way to turn the stock market skid around is to send in the San Francisco Giants.

(And open note here to fans of the Padres, Astros, Mariners, Dodgers etc. Fine by me to use any of these Giants jokes and substitute the team that is currently driving you crazy.)

Some supporters of Michele Bachmann think Newsweek deliberately chose a cover photo that made her ‘look crazy’? In response, Newsweek said that if they really intended to make Bachmann look crazy, they would have filled the cover with her quotes.

Arnold Schwarzenegger apparently went biking Sunday in an “I SURVIVED MARIA” t-shirt. When they heard about it the Kennedy family allegedly said “Until now, a**hole.”

Sunday night’s ESPN Game of the Week between the Red Sox and Yankees went four hours, and that’s BEFORE the game went into the 10th innings.

Why wouldn’t MLB try to enforce rules meant to keep the game moving along? Four hours is insane, and I don’t think I can remember seeing so many commercials during a regular season game. Oops, never mind.

The weird world of investing. The S & P downgraded U.S. debt, so investors started fleeing the market for… Treasury bonds?!

On the new Pan Am television show, ABC-Disney is trying for 1960’s realism, to a point. There will be no smoking by the flight attendants. No word on further nods to modernity will mean pilots drinking in the cockpit and ATC controllers napping in the control tower.

Fallout from the SF Giants-Philadelphia Phillies brawl last Friday. The Phillies’ Shane Victorino was suspended three games. Further fallout from the Giants-Phillies brawl. Ramon Martinez and Eli Whiteside be fined and not suspended. As for Bruce Bochy, MLB figures having to play a .216 hitting catcher is punishment enough.

Jorge Posada, batting .230, has been benched indefinitely as the Yankees catcher/DH. Giants fans are going – “A .230 hitting catcher? This year we can only dream.

Federal airline ticket taxes are being collected again. And airlines have started rolling back last month’s fare increases, so the prices are likely to be the same. What a coincidence.

Commie pinko time: S & P, the only ratings agency to downgrade U.S. credit rating, is owned by McGraw-Hill. The CEO of McGraw-Hill, Harold McGraw III, is a big Romney supporter and was part of W’s economic transition team. Coincidence?

The Heat is gone.

June 13, 2011

Is it just me, or does Callista Gingrich make Cindy McCain look relaxed and natural?

Silver lining for the Miami Heat? After the team’s disappointing and at times childish performances when it was clear they felt entitled to a ring, they’ve all been offered a spot on next year’s “the Bachelorette.”

Another silver lining, for the Heat,  while the Dallas Mavericks get the White House visit with Obama, all the crying and whining has earned Miami a private invitation from John Boehner.

Anyone who doesn’t believe in evolution clearly hasn’t seen Dirk Nowitzki.

I think if JFK were alive he might say to all Americans north of Fort Lauderdale “Ich bein ein Maverick.”

‎24,000 or so emails released from Sarah Palin’s time as Governor of Alaska, and so far nothing ridiculously embarrassing. Which illustrates one point – even the dumbest women seem to be smarter about electronic communication than men.

Speaking of electronic stupidity, apparently Lebron James refers to himself as “King James” in texts.  Open note to Lebron and any other athlete  – before you refer to yourself as royalty, it’s a good idea to actually win a crown first.

Actual Stanford Psychology PhD thesis title: “Using counterfactual transgressions to secure a moral identity.”. “Counterfactual transgressions” – I see a new political buzzphrase coming on.

Also from Stanford commencement –  Mexican President Felipe Calderon was the keynote speaker.  His speech lasted 18 minutes.  Or as Joe Biden would call it, perfect timing for good introductory remarks. 

Suggested by my son’s friend Zev – “Who’s happier tonight?” Fans in Dallas, or in Cleveland?

Actually there’s one unhappy man in Dallas –  Jerry Jones.   The Mavericks win a championship,  the Rangers win the American League championship.  And the Cowboys….   Hey, how about that impressive job Dallas did in hosting the last Super Bowl in their new stadium?   Oops, never mind.

Big Ten and out?

January 2, 2011

 Lebron James says he doesn’t know yet if he will participate in the NBA’s All Star Game slam dunk contest. I guess he’s waiting for ESPN to offer him at least a half hour time-slot to announce his decision.

The only good news for the Big 10 on New Year’s Day? None of their teams qualified for the Fiesta Bowl.

Forget “Leaders” and “Legends” for the two new Big 10 divisions.  After today more appropriate names might be “Bad” and “Worse.”

Fortunately for Big Ten fans there are no more bowl games this year except for Arkansas-OSU on Tuesday. In the meantime, however, true connoisseurs of really bad meaningful football games can tune into the Rams-Seahawks on Sunday.

But really, is there something in the Big Ten football charter that says there’s something wrong with actually showing up on New Year’s Day? (My friend Jerry Perisho is beginning to wonder if these teams are playing their junior varsity?)

That music you hear coming from the sky today at the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville is Don Meredith singing to Rich Rodriguez, “turn out the lights, the party’s over.”

Although in the Rose Bowl, TCU was completely unable to stop the Wisconsin running game in the past few minutes. So the Badgers were able to march down the field and score a touchdown to pull within 21-19.  And for the two-point conversion, the Badgers THREW THE BALL?  (incomplete)

Somewhere Woody Hayes is pinwheeling in his grave.

Since Times Square officials nixed her planned ball drop, Snooki from “Jersey Shore” celebrated New Year’s Eve by being dropped in a ball in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Apparently this was made possible by Snooki’s local fame, the cooperation of local officials, and the fact New Jersey has no real littering laws.

Newly hired head coach Mike Haywood has been fired from the University of Pittsburgh job, after he was arrested and charged with domestic violence.

Guess his tenure will go down in history along with the George O’Leary era at Notre Dame.

According to Entertainment Weekly, 20th Century Fox has vetoed a proposed script for the planned “24” movie. But Kiefer Sutherland is still hoping to work things out with prospective producers. The meeting would take place between 1:00 and 2:00pm.

Apparently Jon Huntsman, Obama’s ambassador to China and the former Governor of Utah, is considering a run for president in 2012. Since Mitt Rommey has already basically declared, political junkies can look forward to a rare but potentially amusing occurence – Mormon smackdown.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is all about cost-cutting and reducing government spending. So what happens when his state gets covered in snow? When he gets back from a family trip to Disney World Christie asks for money from FEMA to help cover storm cleanup costs.

Darwin award of the year.

August 19, 2010

Heidi Montag’s plastic surgeon, Frank Ryan who was killed when he drove off a cliff, was allegedlyy tweeting about his border collie at the time of the accident. The dog, who was in the car, survived the crash. Talk about survival of the fittest – Darwin would be proud.

Maybe the guy thought he could multi-task because he did all those surgeries at the same time on Heidi Montag and they turned out so well…. Oops, never mind.

Brett Favre has announced he will return to the Vikings for “one more try” at a Super Bowl. Right. “One more try” for Favre has about the same meaning as, “I do” for Larry King.

So instead of sports highlights, lately Sportcenter seems to lead with sagas – Brett Favre, Alex Rodriguez, Lebron James, Tiger Woods… when did ESPN turn into People magazine?

Lebron James now says he’s not sure the Cleveland Cavaliers owner “ever cared about Lebron” and he doesn’t regret making the ESPN special -“The Decision”

Hmm, ALS may have been misnamed Lou Gehrig’s disease, but the American Psychiatric Association is now considering renaming narcissism “Lebron James Personality Disorder.”

A little perspective for a certain quarterback Vin Scully has been broadcasting Dodgers games for 60 years. And he hasn’t retired and unretired once.

In the “politics makes strange bedfellows” department, this might be one of this year’s winners: The 25,000-member Northern California District Council of the International Longshore and Warehouse Union has endorsed Prop 19 – the initiative to legalize marijuana

Apparently Sarah Palin has posted Tweets encouraging Dr. Laura and defending her “1st.Amend rights” Figures. Birdbrains of a feather….

Sarah Palin has been defending Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s first amendment rights, at the same time decrying the media coverage of the whole “N” word saga.

Note to Sarah, if you are going to defend an amendment, best to read it. There’s that little issue of “freedom of the press.”

A joint joke with Alex Kaseberg, who started it off:

“Andrew Lloyd Weber’s songs will be available on a karaoke game on Xbox 360. This will be for all of those guys who love to sing show tunes on karaoke and play Xbox. What? Excuse me? This just in: there is no such thing as a guy who likes to sing karaoke show tunes and play Xbox.”

Actually there are such guys, especially in Northern California. Actually, the Andrew Lloyd Webber Karaoke game is likely to be a hot item on wedding registries, if the state ever overturns Prop 8.

More worrisome, however, is this possibility. What if some college freshman brings the karaoke game to their dorm room in a state with “open-carry” gun laws. Could get ugly.


August 4, 2010

Airlines are already starting to gather “Secure Flight” data, and as of November 1, you won’t be able to get on a plane without divulging your date of birth, full legal name, and gender. I see a lawsuit coming in San F-Francisco. The gender box only has two choices.

Lady Gaga says that she thinks having sex saps creativity. Well, that certainly would explain all those incredibly intricate and imaginative new video games.

(It also explains some of the amazing things at Comic-Con.)

Morrie R. Yohai, the inventor of Cheez Doodles snack, has died at the age of 90. In his honor, all the pallbearers will dye their fingers orange.

Rough night for ESPN. Brett Favre retired again, A-Rod is still stuck on 599, and Lebron James wrote an open letter of thanks to fans in Akron but not Cleveland. The network had so much to cover they barely had time to read the scores.

Brett Favre will apparently announce later today that he is retiring again. Yeah, well and Larry King has said “forsaking all others” a few times too.

Brad Childress is dismissing reports of Brett Favre’s latest retirement, saying he has to hear it “from the horse’s mouth.” Considering all the time sports fans and reporters have spent waiting around on Favre, I’m not sure the mouth is the first part of the horse they associate with him.

Super Bowl-winning quarterback Kurt Warner will apparently be the next former athlete to compete on “Dancing with the Stars. As opposed to Brett Favre who may appear on a show with Lebron James, titled “Dancing with the Decision.”

Okay, the betting question of the night. Which will last longer? Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety? Or Brett Favre’s retirement?

Lebron James took out a full page ad thanking the fans in Akron for their support over the years, but he doesn’t mention Cleveland at all. Another proud graduate of the BP School of Public Relations

In China they are developing a huge catamaran inspired bus that can drive OVER cars. As opposed to San Francisco where Muni drivers just try to drive through them.

Meg Whitman is likely to spend $150 million of her own money to run for Governor in California. And she may still lose. If this politics thing doesn’t work out she has at least proved herself uniquely qualified to take over the New York Mets.

The World Cup is over, but the circus must go on…

July 12, 2010

“Despicable Me” was number one at the box office this weekend. Except in Ohio, where moviegoers thought it was a repeat of the Lebron James’ decision special.

On the heels of the apparent Lebron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh pact to play together in Miami, comes a story that Amare Stoudemire has a similar arrangement with Carmelo Anthony and Tony Parker to join him in New York. Thus confirming what fans in smaller markets have suspected – NBA stands for Nothing But A**holes.

But for those who have been watching the whole circus, and trying to decide who is the biggest attention-grabbing “bore”, (or feel free to substitute a rhyming word,) Lebron James or Cavs owner Dan Gilbert, with his open letter tirade to fans, there’s now a third option. Yep, the Reverend Jesse Jackson has now stepped into the middle of the argument, saying Gilbert sees James as a “runaway slave.”

Monday begins Major League Baseball’s All-Star Break. So there will be no games scheduled. Plus with the World Cup over and the British Open not starting until later in the week, there will be few television options for sports fans.

And Lebron James said, “Darn, why didn’t I think of that?”

All this talk about a rookie who hasn’t been in the big leagues long but really should be on the All-Star team….. forget Strasburg, how about Buster Posey? Hitting over .350 for the SF Giants, with 7 home runs and 25 RBIs, in 6 weeks.

After the final World Cup match, FIFA gave out a number of awards to individual players. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait a while though, to see who ends up with the Razzies.

Over 40 years ago, the water flowing over the American side of Niagara Falls was temporarly stopped for several months, so researchers could study the feasibility of removing some of the fallen rock. Apparently nearby residents had become so used to the extremely loud continous sound of the Falls, that they had trouble sleeping with the quiet.

Wonder if this will happen to soccer fans who may have forgotten what a day was like without vuvuzelas.

The offensively-challenged Houston Astros fired their hitting coach, and replaced him with team legend Jeff Bagwell. This came as a surprise to Astros fans, many of whom didn’t realize their team HAD a hitting coach.

Meanwhile, the Philadelphia Phillies and Cincinnati Reds played back to back 1-0 games this past weekend. What did they think they were doing? Auditioning for the 2014 World Cup?

And apropos of nothing, wonder how many cases of mussels, his treat of choice, are being shipped to Paul the Octopus from Madrid this week. Meanwhile, on the menu in Amsterdam, octopus rijstaffel.

Bob Sheppard, the voice of the Yankees for over 50 years, died Sunday at the age of 99. Or as Larry King said ‘So tragically young.”

On a happier note, country music star Carrie Underwood married NHL star Mike Fisher last weekend. It was a strangely symmetrical group of wedding guests. Her friends were thinking “What’s the NHL?” And his friends were thinking “What’s country music?”

You cannot make this “stuff” up….

July 11, 2010

Dwayne Wade apparently signed a six year $107 million contract, while his friends James and Bosh signed six years for $111 million. By NBA rules, however, they could have signed for up to $125 million.

Said Wade, and I am NOT making this up “It’s about sacrifice now.”

James along with his friends have done the impossible. First Lebron may have taken Kobe Bryant’s spot as the most hated basketball player outside his home town. Second, can anyone remember a national sports story in July about super-egos and the rich getting richer in sports…and the Yankees aren’t even involved?

Even A-Rod has got to be watching this PR fiasco and musing “What are these guys THINKING?”

In the meantime, in California, somehow billionaire Meg Whitman is managing to criticize Jerry Brown for his “nearly $2 million mansion.”

(in Atherton, where Whitman’s main home is, $2 million MIGHT buy a garage. Though it’s possible her vacation home in Telluride might be closer to that price range.)

Hard to believe that after today the World Cup will finally be over. So Americans who have become fans of flops will just have to wait for NBC’s fall lineup.

Apparently “The Decision” had higher television ratings than the Lebron James’ last playoff game with the Cleveland Cavaliers against the Celtics. Makes sense, during the ESPN special, Lebron actually seemed like he wanted to be there.

Just rewatched “Top Gun.” Who says gay stars can’t portray heterosexual chemistry?

Paul McCartney played A T and T Park tonight, home of the SF Giants. a nearly three hour show. Normally when there’s that many hits at the Park, the Giants bullpen is involved.

Things are a little different these days for the 68 year old former Beatle. Now it’s “Maybe I’m Amazed” that I actually remembered all these lyrics.

And unlike the last time he was in San Francisco (with the Beatles in 1965), women didn’t seem to be throwing panties at him. Of course, it’s hard to get good accuracy and distance with Depends.

McCartney performed “My Love,” a song he said he wrote for Linda. There was nothing in honor of Heather Mills, though apparently Sir Paul is thinking of asking Elton John for the rights to “The Bitch is Back.”

There’s a new biography of Sarah Palin written for 8-12 year old readers. “That’s great, I’ve always wanted to know more about her,” said George W. Bush.

After the decision…any other sporting events on this weekend?

July 10, 2010

Regarding ESPN’s “the Decision,” Lebron James may have set a record – for the most damage a public figure could do to his reputation in an hour while still keeping his pants on.

Many in the media are saying that by broadcasting “The Decision,” ESPN lost their reputation for integrity. I disagree. That reputation was gone a long time ago.

Lebron should be a little careful with his pals in the party atmosphere of South Beach. Otherwise, following in Kobe’s footsteps, the next ring he gets may be for his wife.

Paul the Octopus has become famous for, so far, successfully predicting the winners of World Cup matches. And he has picked Spain to win it all. While some question the octopus’s ability, to be fair it’s probably true that Paul has paid more attention to the World Cup so far than most Americans.

Two players from the University of Tennessee were charged, and others may be facing charges, after a serious bar brawl.. And an off-duty police officer who tried to break up the fight was knocked unconscious.

Who said that by jumping to USC so quickly Lane Kiffin wouldn’t be around long enough to leave a legacy?

She doesn’t HAVE to go on department…

Celine Dion has announced she is expecting twin boys in November. From all over the world good wishes are pouring in, many of them suggesting “take some time off from singing after the boys are born…at least until they are ready for college.”

Eight strikeouts for Stephen Strasburg Friday night in six innings. But will there be an asterisk? He was pitching against the San Francisco Giants.

Kudos to the Texas Rangers. Their “agreement in principle” with the New York Yankees for Cliff Lee ended up with New York making them a low-ball “take-it-or-leave-it” offer. And the Rangers basically gave the Yankees the same message Lindsay Lohan wore into court on her fingernail.

Joe Biden finally made it to the Tonight Show. The Vice President apparently would have appeared on the show sooner, but it took a while for Leno to explain that they only had 60 minutes.

You know, Biden has said a lot of stupid things in the last couple years. But he really hasn’t matched – “Sure, I’ll leave the Tonight show and do a five day a week 10pm slot.”

Nevada senate candidate Sharron Angle is blasting Harry Reid over the state’s 14 percent unemployment rate. Now, Angle herself has said she believes alcohol should be illegal. Well, what harm could that do to employment in Nevada…?

Move over Los Angeles…

July 9, 2010

So “King James” is going to Miami, where he will end up with his friends Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. After this ego-driven free-agency madness, forget hating the Lakers, the rest of America may just decide they can’t stand the Heat.

And back in Cleveland, suffice it to say that the only King Cavs fans want to compare Lebron to is Charles 1 of England.*

Fans in Cleveland, who once adored Lebron, have turned in a hurry. It’s not just that he left, but that he did it in such a narcissistic, over-the-top, public way. So many fans are publicly burning his old jerseys.

Guess we can call them, “Lebron fires,” or more aptly “Lebronfires from his Vanities.”

All over America, women watched their husbands and partners riveted to the Lebron show and saying “Don’t you dare ever call ‘the Bachelor’ or ‘Bachelorette’ insipid again.

Although in the past week, both a previous “Bachelor” couple (Jake and Vienna), and a Bachelorette couple (Jillian and Ed), have had well-publicized breakups. Just wondering, how lovey-dovey will James and Heat fans be if they don’t win a championship fast?

Not sure when the Miami Heat come to Cleveland next season, but no doubt Cavs fans will be looking for the number of Lindsay Lohan’s manicurist.

Everyone in Miami may not be thrilled about Lebron’s choice. For example, he just gave sports fans in the town yet more reasons in the spring not to go to Marlins games.

And btw, Lebron, you said you were taking your talents to South Beach? American Airlines Arena, where the Heat play, is in the city of Miami proper, about a 15 minute driver from South Beach. The main sport in South Beach is partying…. Hmm, never mind.

It was announced today that USC would be ineligible to be ranked in this year’s USA Today’s football coaches’ poll. But, the Trojans just hired coach Lane Kiffin -there wasn’t a snowball’s chance they would be ranked anyhow.

Larry King and his seventh wife Shawn have called off divorce proceedings. It was the 76 year old talk-show host who originally filed for divorce back in April. One of two things have happened. Either the two have reconciled, or Larry forgot why he filed in the first place.

*Asterisk to above joke, Charles 1 was beheaded after being convicted of treason by Parliament.

And for those hard core history and sports types, (yeah, both of us. ) How mad at the King are Cleveland fans? Many of them want to change their name to the Cleveland Roundheads.

And the hype goes on…

July 8, 2010

Spain-Germany. 90 minutes with one goal scored. And millions of Americans who complained that wasn’t enough action to justify watching the match will nonetheless turn into tomorrow’s 60 minute Lebron decision show.

Lebron James denies that all of the hype about his free-agency choice is all about his ego and need for attention. In fact, after his 60 minute show which airs today on ESPN, he plans to do a followup show explaining how he came to the decision.

The funny thing, Americans are paying more attention to all this free agent hype than they do to the NBA regular season. And to be fair, as far as next year’s playoffs, all this free agent hype might be more relevant than the regular season.

from reader T.C. in Canada – If LeBron wants to play on a half decent team that never loses, he’ll sign with the Globetrotters.

Although for all those who think that America must lead the world in caring about meaningless celebrity hype…. I give you the three most viewed stories today from England’s “Guardian” newspaper. Numbers one and two, the two World Cup semifinals. Story number three – Lindsay Lohan going to jail.

(and George Michael, who crashed his car again, has to be thinking, what am I, chopped liver?)

Meanwhile, on the other side of the NBA tracks. Ekpe Udoh, the Golden State Warriors’ No. 1 draft pick, is already going to miss the NBA Summer League after injuring his wrist in practice. Well, on the bright side, Warriors fans don’t have to hold their breath anymore wondering what was going to go wrong THIS time.

So far, the Bulls have signed Carlos Boozer, the Thunder have re-signed Kevin Durant, and the Heat have signed Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. Meanwhile the Clippers have signed a new hot-dog vendor.

So Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal just signed a bill that allows people to bring guns into church. Well, one phrase that may not be heard anymore in the state – “If this sermon goes on much longer, just shoot me.”

So Meg Whitman is now running ads in Spanish saying she is opposed to Prop 187 and the new Arizona immigration law. I’m confused. Is she running against Jerry Brown, or the candidate she was in the Republican primary?

Joe Biden is coming to California to fundraise for Barbara Boxer. And over at Carly Fiorina’s headquarters, staffers are working overtime to make sure they keep their candidate away from a microphone when she sees HIS hair.

Decisions, decisions…

July 7, 2010

Americans say they can’t get into soccer because it’s a ton of hype, but then a seemingly endless process, with nothing happening until the very end. In the meantime, we remain riveted to the LeBron James decision saga.

Lebron James apparently will announce his decision about next year in an ESPN one-hour special. Not to be outdone, Brett Favre says he will announce HIS decision about next year in an ESPN mini-series.

After being caught with codeine cough syrup, JaMarcus Russell was charged with possession of a controlled substance. This might be the first time the words “JaMarcus” and “controlled” have been used in the same sentence.

From Bill Littlejohn: “JaMarcus Russell has been arrested and charged with possession of codeine.He had been working on his tendency to cough up the football”

Three reasons Amare Stoudemire signed with the Knicks: 1. $100 million dollars. 2. The chance to live in New York. 3. None of that stressful playoff pressure.

A fan at Yankee Stadium was hit in the face by a ball while talking on his cellphone. “That’s really awful” said absolutely no one.

Actually, what do you call a baseball fan hit in the face during a game because he is talking on his cellphone? A good start.

Who says politicians never utter a true statement? This was Barbara Boxer today talking about Carly Fiorina’s comment about her hair – “You know, if everybody in this state male or female who’s ever had a bad hair day votes for me, I will win in a landslide.”

In San Francisco, a directive from Mayor Gavin Newsom means that you can’t buy sugary sodas or sports drinks from vending machines on city property. Only drinks like milk (regular and soy), unsweetened juices, water and a limited number of diet drinks are allowed.

I would say the city has become a “Nanny state,” but didn’t Mary Poppins suggest taking medicine with a “spoonful of sugar?”

Lindsay Lohan was quoted as saying before her court hearing for a parole violation that her lawyer “will just fix this like everything else.” She was sentenced to 90 days in jail. Sounds like Lindsay’s judgment about her lawyer is as good as her judgment about everything else.

Due to the economic situation, Walt Disney World is extending discounts on their travel packages. So this fall a vacation in the theme parks will likely only cost guest an arm but not a leg.

Independence Day.

July 3, 2010

According to a recent poll, 1 in 4 Americans do not know who the U.S. declared independence from. Curiously enough, that’s about the same number of people who think Sarah Palin is qualified to be president.

For that matter, wonder how many folks in the U.S. think it’s a holiday that honors summer movies. Actually, I’d love is a poll that asked Americans what we celebrate on the Fourth of July? Why do I have a feeling we’d get some interesting answers.

At this point you have to figure for many Americans it’s just Cinco de Mayo without the tequila.

In Chicago, the REAL Independence Day is often when Cubs fans officially stop agonizing about the current season and plan for next year.

Damon Evans, the athletic director at the University of Georgia, was arrested and charged with DUI, while in a car with a young woman who was not his wife. And he apparently repeatedly urged the police officer to let him off or just give him a warning because of his position. The police report stated he said “I am not trying to bribe you but I am the athletic director of the University of Georgia.”

On Thursday Evans stated in a news conference: “My behavior and my actions are not indicative of what we teach our student athletes.” Actually, given the number of arrests for NCAA, NFL and NBA players alone, it seems this may be exactly what they teach their student athletes.

The New York Knicks are trying to encourage LeBron James to sign with them and “make a billion dollars.” Not to mention the money he can make during the playoffs for the rest of his NBA career as an television analyst.

Kentucky Coach John Calipari is under investigation by the NCAA AGAIN. You now have to wonder, why don’t the Los Angeles Clippers hire him? At least Calipari has success with paid players.

Speaking of money, the NCAA has announced their March Madness tournament will expand next year from 65 to 68 teams. What a relief for those teams who have been seeded 66, 67 and 68, and who just KNOW they could have played their way into the Final Four.

Paris Hilton appeared in court in South African Friday after being arrested earlier in the day and charged with marijuana possession. You know, when you’re that wealthy, aren’t you supposed to be able to hire staff to carry your pot?

A small silver lining in the SF Giants’ seven game losing streak. At least fans haven’t had to be stressed out by Brian Wilson’s tightrope-walking saves.

Who’d have thought a year ago that the PGA and networks televising tournaments would be thrilled just to have Tiger make the cut?

And on the subject of Tiger, from the very funny Jim Barach: “Tiger Woods is ranked #5 on the Forbes Celebrity 100 list. He was at #5 last year, too. Only then he was on the list as a golfer.”