Posted tagged ‘Spurs jokes’

Cavalier treatment

March 27, 2017

It’s beginning to look possible that even without Tim Duncan the San Antonio Spurs are a pretty good basketball team.

(San Antonio 103- Cleveland 74.)

San Antonio assistant coach Becky Hammon apparently turned down the head coaching job with the women’s basketball team at the University of Florida. Clearly the idea of a woman coach staying in their locker room didn’t hurt the Spurs too badly tonight against the Cavs.

 

Looking at way UConn women are cutting a swath through their NCAA tournament you almost wonder if they should have been seeded w/ the men.

#Raiders moving to Vegas. Still may be cheaper for Oakland fans to fly to Las Vegas for a game than buy tickets in #Warriors new SF arena.

Jed York, on the Raiders move “I don’t think it’s a big win for the 49ers.” Well, yeah, Oakland fans have gotten used to watching a professional team.

Only vote against #Raiders move came from #Dolphins. Did Miami owner have dreams of moving to Vegas himself?

 

Being a San Francisco Bay Area fan of the Saints and Spurs, there are some advantages: Teams can’t break your heart by moving out of town. The SF Giants on the other hand, better stay put.

Cleveland LT Joe Thomas says no one has signed Colin Kaepernick for this year because he’s a “distraction.” Hmm, the way the Browns play guessing their fans could use all the distractions they can get.

Now it comes out that Nunes says he was on the White House grounds the day before revealing Trump surveillance info. because he was just looking for a safe place to go over the information.
If this were a movie script it might be rejected as too unbelievable.

I will believe airlines have a real dress code first time they kick some man off flight for wearing inappropriate clothing

The Dow is down for an 8th straight day. #WWTB – Who will Trump blame?

The Trump administration wants $1 billion funding just to cover 62 miles of their proposed border wall. $1 billion?! All of a sudden California’s proposed high-speed rail is looking like a bargain.

Jeff Sessions says “sanctuary cities must end.” So anyone who wants protection after committing a crime better join Trump administration.

Now Tomi Lahren has been suspended permanently from the Blaze for saying she was pro-choice. So has her slippery slope to liberalism begun?

In Russia, opposition leader Alexei Navalny was sentenced today Monday to 15 days in jail and fined $350 for leading anti-govt protests in Moscow. Wonder if Trump has called Putin saying “How do you do that?”

Maybe you should dance like there’s nobody watching. but that doesn’t mean you should govern that way.

Watch and learn

March 12, 2017

Yeah, even rich superstars face tough decisions. Draymond Green, unhappy at some calls in last night’s Warriors loss, said he thought about speaking out and getting a $25,000 fine from the league. But he decided to keep his mouth shut and buy a fancy watch instead.

 

Lots of people who will start working on brackets will be united tomorrow in 1 thought “UC Davis HAS a men’s basketball team? #marchmadness

Thinking #Duke #NotreDame might have tied an NCAA record as far as a basketball game where most viewers wanted to see both teams lose.

How many casual NBA fans turned on tonight’s nationally televised game & say “Wait, thought this was @Warriors @Spurs Who are these guys?

And who knew the guy who would REALLY make Northern California proud tonight  in the Spurs Warriors game was St. Mary grad Patty Mills?

 

In Sacramento a woman was arrested for felony vandalism after driving her SUV this morning through the front doors of the county jail. Well, give her points for police convenience.

Pope Francis, acknowledging a shortage of priests, has indicated openness to allowing married men to be ordained. So for all his progressiveness, still better a married man than a celibate woman?

Federal prosecutor Preet Bharara, who was asked personally by Trump to stay on three months ago, today was fired after he refused a sudden demand from AG Sessions to resign.
Well, this ought to make anyone about to make a deal with this administration feel warm and fuzzy.

Why do I think we haven’t heard the last of #PreetBharara? Paging mean bitch Karma.

Trump was regularly critical of Obama for playing golf. Guess he thinks Presidents should only play golf on courses they own?

Who says Presidents don’t have tough decisions. With #daylightsavings Trump will have to choose whether to tweet at 2a or 3am tonight.

An intruder who apparently jumped the White House fence last night around told police he had an appointment with Donald Trump. So maybe he was there to help the President with his Twitter account?

 

 

Due to intruder last night White House reportedly placed under temporary “orange alert.” Uh, hasn’t it been on orange alert since Jan 20?

 

 

Trump this afternoon praised the Secret Service for doing — a “fantastic job” apprehending a “troubled person” approaching the White House this morning.
Especially as most of the President’s Oval Office meetings are already full up on troubled persons.

One brief shining minute.

March 7, 2017

So if the Cavs win it all this year, does Andrew Bogut get a ring?

(Bogut was injured about 30 seconds into his first game with Cleveland.)

Your tax $$ at work. Andrew Bogut, before his injury,  couldn’t practice before game w/ #Cavs today because of work visa issues. Ah those scary Australians.

After Kawhi Leonard’s 39 point performance tonight in a 112-110 win over the Rockets, which included a late clutch three, a block and then two game clinching free throws, the Spurs star got chosen for a “random” drug test. Will the test reveal if Kawhi was born on this planet?

Israel beat South Korea and Taipei in #WorldBaseballClassic. Shocking even serious baseball fans who didn’t realize Israel had a team in #WBC

GM to lay off 1,100 in Michigan. Somehow I missed the Trump tweet taking credit.

The Israeli cabinet approved a plan to decriminalize marijuana. Cool. Two words: kosher Doritos.

Meanwhile, in England, parliament is debating a ban on high heels in the workplace. Seems to me there’s a simple solution, high heels can be a required part of the dress code if men have to wear them too..

#BenCarson talks about “immigrants who came here in bottom of slave ships.” Proving again. even med schools have share of #cantfixstupid

 

Somehow I must have missed Ben Carson talking about the immigrants who built those grain silos in Egypt.

So now Kellyanne Conway says of Trump’s claim that Obama wiretapped Trump Tower “He’s the President of the United States. He has information and intelligence that the rest of us do not.”
Forgetting perhaps that Trump doesn’t believe in intelligence briefings?

The chaotic first Trump travel ban was immediate because “if the ban were announced with a one week notice, the ‘bad’ would rush into our country during that week.” The revised ban signed today takes effect March 16. So the “bad dudes” have slowed down?”

The U.S. Soccer Federation has a new policy that says national team players “shall stand respectfully” during national anthems.
So good to see such a fine upstanding sport as soccer is focused on what’s really important.

So it’s $200,000 to get into #MaraLago & hang out w/ Trump on weekends. What’s the price for where he’s planning to spend summer weekends?

 

Reducing # of insured by 20 million in US will take care of some of Social Security deficit. Can’t collect benefits when dead.

The GOP proposal to replace Obamacare would allow insurers to charge 30% more to anyone who goes without coverage for more than 2 months, or to anyone who turns 27 and doesn’t immediately buy their own insurance.
But this isn’t a mandate. The same as the travel EO isn’t a Muslim ban. #sarcasm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amateur hour.

November 23, 2016

 

The SF 49ers, embroiled in a financial battle over stadium management with Santa Clara, have now slammed the city’s “‘disturbing trend of frivolous actions”
Uh, doesn’t “disturbing trend of frivolous actions” basically sum up the 49ers’ recent coaching decisions and draft picks?

 

 

Jill Stein is raising money for a recount in MI, WI & PA. Of course if Stein had really cared about the election she could have just not run.

 

RIP #Ralphbranca. So somewhere in heaven is #BobbyThomson smiling while he takes batting practice? #Dodgers #Giants

 

San Antonio @Spurs won again by 5, tonight against Hornets. Will #Popovich just send out a video of last night’s rant and say “ditto?”

Wendell Carter, a power forward considered the top uncommitted recruit for 2017, says he is going to Duke. These are tough decisions for these young men, deciding where to spend several months of their lives.

At this point aren’t all the warnings about the Samsung One Note 7 smart phones just a suggestion for potential terrorists on how to catch a plane on fire?

Trump has decided “the law’s totally on my side, the president can’t have a conflict of interest.” So while the Donald accused Hillary Clinton of “pay-to-play” with her foundation, he’s going to take care of things by getting richer and richer while IN the White House.

In California, as of today an estimated 1,797,333 unprocessed ballots remained in California from the Nov. 8 election. Wow. If only we had some creative high-tech talent in the state to work on a faster solution.

Carnival pulling the plug on their new “Fathom” volunteer-work oriented cruise line, which was designed for an “under-served market of consumers who want to have a positive impact on people’s lives”
Turns out the positive impact most cruise passengers really want on vacation is more about tipping waiters who bring them beer and umbrella drinks

Well, to be fair #BenCarson is probably as qualified to be Secretary of HUD as Donald Trump is to be President of the United States.

In March, Donald Trump tweeted “The people of South Carolina are embarrassed by Nikki Haley!” Today he appointed Haley Ambassador to the UN. Does this mean the Donald has changed his mind. Or is he showing us what he thinks of the UN?

#BetsyDeVos for Education secretary. Guess it makes #Trump sense, put someone in charge who doesn’t believe in public schools….

The NEA teacher’s union estimates that 1/3 of their members voted for Trump. And now the Donald has put a voucher advocate who hates public schools as head of the Dept. of Education.
Mean bitch karma is clearly bipartisan.

Maybe 81-1?

October 25, 2016

So maybe Golden State Warriors don’t want pressure of an undefeated season? Or maybe Greg Popovich is a very very good coach

 

And maybe Spurs assistant coach Becky Hammon, who was head coach of the Spurs D-league in 2014 when Jonathan Simmons took MVP honors 2014,  is also a pretty good coach.

Big night in sports. #WorldSeries began for MLB. And the NBA started the 82-game second phase of their preseason.

World Series started tonight. Maybe if MLB actually showed some regular season games and put the playoffs on network television, millions of Americans might be able to name at least one Cleveland Indian.

#CarlosSantana starting at DH for @Indians. Casual fans thinking shouldn’t he play anthem instead & isn’t he kind of old. #WorldSeries

 

So for a while tonight it was looking like it was not just Bruce Bochy who might have pulled a star starter in playoffs too early.

But reliever Andrew Miller, with a 3 run lead, got the tying run to the plate in the 7th and 8th innings… and got out of it both times.  What a concept.  #SFGiants  #Sigh

The NY Giants have released kicker Josh Brown, saying that “Our beliefs, our judgments and our decisions were misguided.”
Translation, we never believed those documents would be made public.

In select markets, #Arby’s announced they will begin testing venison sandwiches in select markets. Oh, deer.

Tuesday was  #NationalPassiveAggressive day. Fine, whatever.

Barack Obama on Jimmy Kimmel last night “What I don’t do is at 3 a.m. I don’t tweet about people who insulted me. I try to sleep so that in the morning I’m actually ready for a crisis.”
Waiting for the Donald tonight at 3 a.m. to insult the President’s stamina.

 

Glenn Beck just said he thinks Donald Trump is a sociopath. Well, the pot SHOULD be a kettle expert.

A new White House executive action will require airlines to refund baggage fees for delayed baggage. Seems reasonable. Wonder how much airlines will raise fees to cover it.

 

A British Airways flight from San Francisco to London made an emergency landing in Vancouver after the entire crew, including the pilot, became ill. Did they all have the fish? #Ahospitalwhatisit? #surelyyoucantbeserious

Justin Timberlake posted a selfie of himself doing early voting wth a covered up ballot, urging people to vote. But pictures in polling places are illegal in Tennessee. The horror. Trump claiming election fraud in 3.2.1…..

 

After Megyn Kelly told Newt Gingrich people have a right to hear reporting on women accusing Trump of being a “sexual predator, ” Gingrich actually shouted “You are fascinated with sex and you don’t care about public policy!”
Well, that should help with the women’s vote.

Trump told Reuters today as President he would not put any Democrats in his cabinet. Which could be tough. Not sure the Donald could find enough Republicans he hasn’t mortally offended.

Colin Powell today announced ““I am voting for Hillary Clinton.” Waiting for attack tweets from #DonaldTrump against Powell in 3.2.1….

 

My boat would have been huge, the best, that shark would have been sushi. Only losers get eaten. #TrumpaHorrorMovie

 

He had very small hands. I ate them with fava beans & the bestest Chianti. #TrumpAHorrorMovie.

 

From Mark Ricklis  “Have you seen the new Trump website? Grope-on.”

Fouls and other offensiveness.

May 2, 2016

If you had to say one good thing about NBA refs it’s that they make you appreciate MLB umpires.

 

Well this ought to do wonders for those who say ‪#‎NBA‬ games are fixed. ‪#‎offensivefoul‬ ‪#‎OKCvsSAS‬ ‪#‎Spurs‬

Not saying Ginoboli got hacked on that inbound at the end of the Oklahoma City -San Antonio game, but 7 of 10 NFL refs might have called a penalty.

In Cincinnati,  Johnny Cueto got a nice ovation from ‪#‎Reds‬ fans just by showing up. He didn’t have to thank them by pitching batting practice in the 3rd ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Although, while Cueto did give up six runs, he also got a couple RBI’s.   The #‎SFGiants‬ are leading baseball with pitchers with hits and RBI’s. 11 each. ‪#‎wedontneednostinkingDH‬ ‪#‎Pitcherswhorake‬

A marijuana dispensary is apparently interested in taking over the naming rights for the Denver Broncos’ Sports Authority stadium. Leaving aside the Mile High jokes, this could really be a great marketing partnership for Peyton Manning’s Papa John’s pizza.

 

Pablo Sandoval has had shoulder surgery and will miss the rest of the 2016 season. Maybe to improve the Panda’s chances in 2017 the Red Sox will request a two-handed sling that makes it impossible for him to hold a fork?

Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Bob Dylan and Roger Waters all posted on social media with an apparent tease for a mega concert this October. Shocking! All those old farts know how to use social media?

Sports Authority is liquidating all its stores.  Sports Authority still had stores?

Ted Cruz on the campaign trail “we will not give into evil….” This is the man who put Carly Fiorina on his ticket?

Carly Fiorina felt off a stage at a Cruz rally today.  As opposed to Cruz’s campaign itself, which seems to have fallen off a cliff.

Really? Now, I know there is no love lost between ESPN and Curt Schilling, and Schilling was an idiot to keep posting incendiary stuff after his employers told him to stop. But now the network aired an “30 for 30” about the Red Sox miracle ALCS comeback in 2004 against the Yankees and cut out the “bloody sock” game.
What are we, folks, ten year old boys?

Turing Pharmaceuticals, Martin Shkreli’s former company, which raised the price of an AIDS drug 5,000% has been sued for breach of contract by the company that let it sell the drug in the first place.
Not sure which lawyers Turing might get for their defense – maybe some who find the Cruz campaign too warm and fuzzy?

Old Navy is now getting heat from internet trolls over an ad featuring an interracial family. Ok, now as misguided as these folks are who are against transgenders in bathrooms over the fear factor, who exactly do they expect an interracial family to hurt?

While we’re at it, assume none of these anti-interracial  family trolls are sports fans….particularly of the NBA – Tony Parker, Klay Thompson,  Blake Griffin…. for starters. And then there’s Derek Jeter.

 

Donald Trump is criticizing Hillary Clinton for her “off the reservation” comment, saying “If I made that statement about women, then there’d be front page headlines I think it’s a very nasty statement to men…”
I think even the pot and the kettle are both giggling.

Four Auburn sophomore football players were arrested on misdemeanor marijuana charges last weekend, three who were reserves, and one, Carlton Davis III, who was a freshman All-American. Coach Gus Malzahn said “we will handle the matter appropriately.
Translation, the three reserves might be suspended for Auburn’s opener against Clemson, and Davis III might be suspended for the Tigers’ second game against Arkansas State.

We Americans love underdogs. So we can happily congratulate ‪#‎Leicester‬ on a great Premier League championship. Without ever watching a soccer game.

Endless playoff love?

April 25, 2016

Oops, this one didn’t get posted yesterday . So a bit out of order…. I blame Obama.

 

Steph Curry’s  MRI has worst case looking 3-5 weeks. The good news for Warriors fans, that’s only about another round of the NBA playoffs.

 

 

The ‪#‎Lakers‬ have fired coach ‪#‎ByronScott‬. Who’s to say ‪#‎KobeBryant‬ didn’t get any results his farewell season?

This week in England they honored Shakespeare on the 400th anniversary of his death in 1616. Curiously enough wasn’t that also Tim Duncan’s rookie year?

Although in truth, LaMarcus Aldridge giving post-game interview after ‪#‎Spurs‬ sweep, said “Tim’s 100 years old, he needs the rest.”

 

Thinking it’s a really good thing San Antonio won today and has a week off, from games and interviews. Because if any reporter made some comment to Popovich about the ‪#‎Spurs‬ being happy to see Curry hurt it would be ugly.

When the Grizzlies were trying to avoid sweep by the Spurs, FedEx Forum had an 18 minute power outage. Usually it isn’t literal to say “Turn out the lights, the party’s over.”

Congrats to the Charlotte Hornets for their first playoff win since 2002. To put that in perspective, in 2002 Warriors coach Steve Kerr was still playing for the Spurs. Along with Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginoboli….

#‎Yankees‬ are featured on Monday, Wednesday and ‪#‎Sundaynightbaseball‬ this week. Good to know ‪#‎ESPN‬ is already in midseason form.

John Kasich says his campaign is vetting possible vice presidential running mates. In related news, the Houston Rockets are looking at possible dates for a NBA championship parade.

Apparently more than 340,000 people have signed a pledge to boycott Target because the store says it will allow customers to use restrooms and fitting rooms matching their gender identity. But wonder how many more millions are now MORE likely to shop there

Applebee’s is advertising their “2 for $20” menu featuring a burger quesadilla. The sandwich clocks in at about 1,400 calories and over 100 grams of fat. So it’s a good thing it’s a bargain, you need to save the money for a cardiologist.

Seriously, so glad that the ‪#‎Nationals‬ were smart enough to give Dusty Baker another chance. Even if it took Bud Black turning the job down first. Bryce Harper post game today – “To be able to have the opportunity to play for Dusty, that desire and that mentality that he brings every single day to let us just have fun to let us enjoy this game,…”

 

 

 

Donald Trump says “I don’t think I’m going to lose, but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again.” Wow. Promise?! ‪#‎Hillaryjustpickedupalotmoresupporters‬