Posted tagged ‘cruise jokes’

And how many hours after the early bird special?

April 23, 2015

Impressive win by the Spurs tonight in OT against the Clippers in Los Angeles. Heck, impressive with the game ending after 10pm PT, midnight CT, that most of the team was up that much past their bedtimes.

Gregg Popovich used the “Hack a Jordan” strategy tonight in the win,  putting DeAndre Jordan at the line repeatedly.  Ugly, yes.  Fun to watch, no, fun for the Clippers, no. But there IS a solution, for Jordan and others – learn to shoot a bleeping free throw.

The Oklahoma City Thunder fired Scott Brooks today, after he had coached the team for seven years. Guess Brooks didn’t do a good enough job of making sure Durant and Westbrook didn’t get hurt?

Jameis Winston now says he didn’t steal the crab legs, but they were given to him by a Publix employee. as was a cake the week before. Uh, illegal benefits? Vacate the Seminoles wins! Or at the very least the NCAA should put USC on probation again.

Your tax dollars at work. Today the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals reversed Barry Bonds’ obstruction of justice conviction . Saying his vague grand jury answer was “not material to the government’s investigation into steroids distribution.” But hey, this decision itself can be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. More tax dollars!

Greg Hardy was suspended for 10 games by the NFL after he was found guilty of assaulting and threatening to kill a former girlfriend. If he’d actually killed her would the Cowboys’ new DE have been given 12 games?

Really, former Chicago Bears kicker Jay Feely said Tim Tebow is the worst QB he has even seen in his NFL career? With all due respect, Tebow might not have even been the worst QB Feely saw on the Bears.

A Carnival Cruise ship made it to Sydney Harbor 24 hours late after suffering some damage from 40-foot waves during a major storm. No reported injuries. But stand by anyway for the CNN mini-series.

Revenge for the 21st century:. When a Japanese woman discovered her boyfriend was cheating on her, she put his iMac, iPhone, iPad and accessories into the bath tub. And then sent him a picture. Even in drought-stricken California most women would say that’s a fine use of water.

(Andy D. says,  “The waterproof Android phones need this as their new commercial!”)

 

Mitt Romney’s son Josh has said, for now, that he won’t run for the Senate in 2016, but thinks he will run for office some day in the future. Isn’t it nice to know that we live in a meritocracy that isn’t led by family dynasties?

During a question and answer session at the White House today for “Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day, a little girl asked Michelle Obama how old she was, and when Michelle responded, “51,” the girl made a funny face, and said “You look too young.” Then repeated “You’re too young for a 51 year old!”

Wonder if the House hearing this, immediately called for a special investigation.

Swoosh for Surrender?

January 13, 2015

Maybe it was the white uniforms? ‪#‎Itsnoteasynotbeinggreen‬?

Ohio State beat Oregon handily, despite a steady stream of turnovers.  Good thing the National championship trophy has been changed from crystal to metal, in case the Buckeyes drop it.

Okay, the question of the night. How did Ohio State lose, to Virginia Tech, by 14, at home? (35-21)

 

At least Children in Africa should be getting some really colorful “‪#‎Oregon‬ National Championship” shirts later this week.

Lots of experts opining pre-game on whether Oregon or Ohio State would win the national championship tonight. Of course, most of these experts predicted the game would be between Florida State and Alabama.

 

Who’d a thunk it? The happiest and most productive recent Heisman winner in this postseason might well be Tim Tebow. ‪#‎NationalChampionship‬

Wonder if suspended ‪#‎OregonDucks‬ players might be planning a party to console teammates when they get home? ‪#‎brownies‬? ‪#‎CFBChampionship‬

Once again, a big game ended after midnight on the East Coast. No complaints out in California, but pretty clear ESPN and NCAA don’t really give a damn about anyone who has work or school tomorrow

Yesterday was the 14th annual “No Pants Subway Ride” day in New York City. And presumably today is the 14th annual “Celebrate Handi Wipes” day.

Sad news from Texas. Two people who entered a pen containing two female camels and a male camel in rut were trampled to death this weekend by the male camel. Rut ro.

 

A Disney Cruise ship rescued a Royal Caribbean passenger who fell overboard off the coast of Mexico. Of course, after hearing “Let it Go” for the 100th time, the man probably had to be restrained by Disney crew from jumping back over the rails.

Ted Cruz is the latest to jump on the “We needed to show more solidarity with France by being at the rally” bandwagon, and he wrote an op-ed about it for Time. Feel that strongly about it, Senator? Post some of those Charlie Hebdo cartoons on your website.

Bills owner Terry Pegula said that new coach Rex Ryan is “the best fit for our team,” Cue the Cinderella shoe/foot jokes….

Gavin Newsom says he won’t run for Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat in 2016. Translation, he’s running for Governor in 2018.

A woman from Seneca Falls, New York was arrested last November for DUI with a blood alcohol level of .26. And apparently she had been drinking… vanilla extract. Which is .41% alcohol. And millions of teenagers are thinking “you can do that?”

Okay, we’re all about free speech these days, even when we think it’s obnoxious. Well, kinda sorta. Apparently Margaret Cho’s North Korean general portrayal on the Golden Globes has already generated outrage. (And she is Korean-American). Personally, I thought it was funny. But we can not “suis Charlie” if we can’t also at times “suis” un-PC..

Over the line.

December 11, 2014

Amongst the methods of torture used by the CIA was playing the same song over and over and over. One of the songs was “I Love You” from Barney the Dinosaur. As all moms of a certain age know, whoever was responsible for that should be locked up without a key. And with that song playing.

As some San Francisco area roads flood, the National Weather Service is using their usual warning “Turn Around Don’t Drown.” Maybe we need to be a little more graphic with a subtitle: “Drive Through Water – Qualify for Darwin Award.”

Retired Wisconsin football coach Barry Alvarez, currently the school’s AD, will be coaching his second bowl game in three years after his second coach in three years left unexpectedly for another job.    Have to wonder, is Alvarez’s strategy to be enough of an a**hole that his coaches leave in time for him to get these bowl games?

The Arizona Cardinals are 9-3, a lock for the playoffs, and now their backup QB is injured. Wonder if Cardinals GM Steve Keim has sent a one word text – “No” to Brett Favre.

For Dec. 20, the ‪#‎NFL‬ is advertising “Thursday Night Football – Saturday Edition.” Uh, why not just “Saturday Night Football”? ‪#‎TNF‬

Oceania Cruise Lines’ ship “Insignia” had an engine room fire in St. Lucia. Passengers were disembarked and are safe, but sadly three crew members died. And shockingly, this isn’t the lead story on CNN.

A new study indicates sleep problems may result in an increased risk of dementia. Great, one more thing to lie awake worrying about.

Carmelo Anthony reportedly threatened to beat up teammate Tim Hardaway Jr. following another loss last week. Give the Knicks credit. They are giving the Jets a serious run for the title “most dysfunctional team in New York.”

From Alex Kaseberg: “Time” magazine names Ebola Fighter man of the year. This will mark first time the “Man of the year” award ceremony will be held on Skype.”

Well, there’s sure not going to be any congratulatory handshakes.

#‎RickPerry‬ “Running for the presidency is not an IQ test.” Uh, I think we’ve already proved that in this country.

Actual serious thought about Cam Newton’s crash, where the Carolina QB has relatively minor injuries after his truck rolled a few times: As invulnerable as a lot of people, especially young men, think they are, it sure does increase your odds to wear a seat belt. (Which Cam did.)

Followup to the Cam Newton story, this true story from an old coworker who was a flight attendant decades ago. She had Muhammad Ali in first class in his glory days, and he was in a fine expansive mood upon boarding. When it came time to leave the gate, she told him “Sir, you need to put on your seat belt.” He looked at her and beamed “Baby, I’m Superman, Superman don’t need no seat belt.” She responded “Superman don’t need no plane. Buckle up.” Apparently he did and was an angel for the rest of the flight.

One of my new favorite baseball players has to be pitcher Andrew Heaney. Traded from Miami to the Dodgers, he was then immediately flipped in trade to the Angels. And promptly tweeted “Well, @Dodgers we had a good run! Great to be a part of such a storied franchise. ‪#‎thanksforthememories‬

Sailing on.

November 8, 2014

The stars of “The Love Boat” got together for a 30 year reunion to christen some of Princess’s new ships. After the photo, Gavin McLeod then reportedly told everyone “You punks get off my promenade deck.”

 

 

Apparently Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis is considering moving the team to San Antonio. Responded the Spurs, “There goes the neighborhood.”

 

 

RNC chair Reince Priebus said of the upcoming 2016 US Presidential campaign “If we have a candidate on the ballot who someone actually wants to have a beer with, we can win.” Right, because that worked out so well for our country in 2000.

 

From Alex Kaseberg.  “Nike has cancelled their contract with Adrian Peterson who pled no contest to whipping his 4-year-old son. “Sure, we exploit children as slaves in factories,” said Nike, “but whipping them is going too far.”

 

Holland America Line has announced that they will add six special theme cruises in 2015 highlighting “Dancing with the Stars.” Well, that ought to do wonders for all the wives trying to persuade their husbands to take their first cruise.

Mark Zuckerberg was asked wh he wears “the same T-shirt every day.” His response “I really want to clear my life to make as few decisions as possible. I’m not doing my job if I spend any of my energy on anything that is silly or frivolous.” And millions of men across America just found their new hero.

Spectacular. In Palo Alto, close to the epicenter of Silicon Valley, the races for City Council and School Board are still too close to call, because the Santa Clara County Registrar of Voters is still counting vote-by-mail ballots turned in on Tuesday – they still have about 75,000 of maybe 140,000 to go. But hey, write an email about something and Facebook has an ad for it in about 10 minutes.

Carton Ashton of the Toronto Maple Leafs was suspended 20 games by the NHL for a failed drug test Ashton claims he accidentally must have ingested a banned substance when he borrowed another athlete’s inhaler. Who says hockey isn’t a major sport. That’s truly a major league level creative excuse

So now we have an argument over which SEAL in a supposedly covert mission actually shot Bin Laden? Does it matter? Guessing most of the GOP is okay with it being anyone as long as they don’t blame Obama.

 

A black and white picture from 1838 is has emerged that is believed to be the earliest known photograph featuring a person. Wonder if was it taken at a high school football practice of Adam Vinatieri?

 

 

From T.C.  ” A Denver Broncos fans went to a game and disappeared at half time. Two days later, he was found 100 miles away. The man said that for no explainable reason, he had the urge to start walking towards Omaha. ”

The fourth student shot by a high school classmate in Marysville, WA in what basically was an execution-style killing this October, has died. And sadly, many Americans’ response is probably “If only the victims were armed.”

Buy the sea?

November 1, 2014

Jake Peavy bought a duck boat when the Red Sox won the World Series, and reportedly is buying a cable car after the Giants’ win. Peavy did tell a reporter afterwards that while he loves SF, he and Jon Lester would love to be on the same team and “who wouldn’t want to play in Chicago?” Maybe Peavy decided he has enough vehicles.

A cruise ship that was stuck when it ran aground Saturday in Norway managed to get free at high tide. Passengers were relieved. CNN was bitterly disappointed.

 

Royal Caribbean’s new cruise ship has a Bionic Bar, with two “bartenders” that are literally robots that mix drinks to order. Fun for passengers,maybe. But even more fun for the the cruise line, who can pocket the automatic 15% gratuities.

When Pac 12 ,Big 12, ACC, and Big 10 teams beat up on each other intra-conference, it is viewed as a sign of the conferences being weak without dominant teams. When SEC teams beat up on each other, it’s just another example of their superiority and strength of schedule…..

Texas A&M suspended QB Kenny Hill two games for “a violation of team rules and athletic department policies.” Wonder if that violation includes playing like crap for the past three games.

#‎Michigan‬ & ‪#‎Florida‬ both won today.. Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.

So did someone design those gray UCLA uniforms or did the blue and gold original colors just run in the laundry? ‪#‎UCLAVsAZ‬ ‪#‎ugly‬

Florida, in fact, upset #11, Georgia.  Bulldog fans are now furious ‪#‎FireMuschamp‬ movement didn’t succeed before today.

Pittsburgh missed a 26 yard FG that would have beaten Duke at the end of regulation. The shocking thing to casual football fans. It would have been an upset.

A new study indicates that chocolate may help people avoid memory loss as they age. Makes biological sense. Assume we’ve evolved not to forget eating really good chocolate.

 

Cal vs Oregon State  starting the 4th quarter Saturday about 1030p Pacific time. Forget the east coast, these games are too late for many WEST coast fans to stay awake.

 

The Lakers are 0-4.   Only good news for Los Angeles fans.  Unlike the Dodgers the team seems pretty sure not to be a disappointment in the playoffs.

 

 

From T.C.  “According to baseball analysts, Madison Bumgarner won the World Series for the San Francisco Giants single-handedly. ‘Good to know,’ said Kobe Bryant.”

Somethin’ always happens whenever we’re together…

August 21, 2013

David Cassidy has been arrested again for DUI, the second time in three years. Looks like the former Partridge Family star was been taking “C’mon, get happy” a little too literally.

There’s now some buzz in the media over whether or not Tim Tebow will make New England’s final roster. The Patriots have to love this – finally some headlines that don’t involve a Brady injury or murder.

Wow, just wow. A recent survey of Louisiana Republicans asked who was most to blame for the Government response to Katrina. 22% said George W. Bush. 29% said Barack Obama. (No joke. 44% weren’t sure.)

 

 

A-Rod says he has told his legal team to shut down the rhetoric with MLB and the Yankees because he’s “just focusing on baseball, just baseball.” Translation: “My lawyers are actually making me look WORSE.”

 

Celebrity Cruise Lines has cancelled four Alaska cruises due to a problem with one of their ship’s motors  Carnival’s response “FINALLY, it’s not us.”

Imitating the airlines?  Holland America Line is sending out revised invoices because they say “govt fees and taxes are subject to change” and the actual taxes and fees now exceed their estimates.  The increase $4.08 a person.  Probably cost more than that to send the invoice.

A North Carolina man has been arrested for the third time for giving women unwanted backrubs. What’s his defense? That he someday wants to run for Mayor of San Diego?

 

No word from the NRA after the senseless shooting of a college baseball player in Oklahoma. Half expect someone to say this would not have happened if the young Australian man had been armed.

Miguel Cabrera played today after appearing to have injured himself again in last night’s game. The Tigers’ star has been playing through a strained lower abdomen, injured hip and banged-up left leg. Gosh, can you imagine how Cabrera would hit if he were healthy?

 

 

So much success in sports is due to the luck of the draw on physical gifts. For the Little League World Series, add to that “the luck of the draw on reaching puberty.”

Although prosecutors had asked for 60 years, Bradley Manning was sentenced to 35 years for leaking government secrets. After precisely the sort of “fair and open trial” Edward Snowden is in Russia trying to avoid.

 

Just Not Doing It (Anymore.)

May 28, 2013

Nike is cutting ties with Livestrong. Shocking! Nike still had ties with Livestrong?

The Miami Heat and Indianapolis Pacers are heading to game five after splitting their first four.  Meanwhile  the San Antonio Spurs can sit back, relax, and work on things like their Finals game plan and Medicare choices.

LeBron James denied that he personally flops, but added “Any way you can get an advantage over the opponent to help your team win, so be it.” It’s stuff like this that makes the Miami Heat so beloved outside South Florida….

#NotreDame coach Brian Kelly says he is “disappointed” in expelled QB Everett #Golson. Disappointed that Golson cheated, or got caught?

WalMart announced they pleaded guilty to dumping hazardous waste in California, and will pay a $81 million fine. You know what that means – cutting more employees down to part-time so they can save on benefits.

Ten members of Congress said they sent letters to owners of all NFL teams, commissioner Roger Goodell, and sponsor FedEX, urging the Washington Redskins to change their name. Well it’s not like Congress has anything better to do with their time…..

A new movie, “Rodham”, will be based on the life of Hillary Clinton as a young woman. Potential stars included Scarlett Johansson, Reese Witherspoon, Amanda Seyfried and Jessica Chastain. Upon hearing the names Bill Clinton has offered to personally man the casting couch, uh, room.

The University of Georgia suspended star sophomore safety Josh Harvey-Clemons for the first game of the season due to a marijuana “incident.” Wonder on what page of SEC teams’ playbooks they have the section on Miranda rights.

Regarding the latest mess at Rutgers with new AD Julie Hermann, I suppose at least it’s a sign of equality that women in positions of power may be able to behave as badly as men?

The Dow had a record close, housing sales are up and consumer confidence is up. What does that mean to Republicans? The IRS, AP and Benghazi.

Well, if there’s a silver lining to tonight, at least the San Jose #Sharks won’t break their fans hearts in the #StanleyCup Finals.

In that “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” department, wonder how long until Royal Caribbean  has a fire sale?

Apparently when Christie and Obama toured the Jersey Shore Boardwalk, the President tried five times without success to throw a football through a hoop to win a prize. Who does Barack think he is? Mark Sanchez?

(My friend Denny M.  suggests,   “No, Tim Tebow. Tebow is also left-handed.”)

A new Australian study links drinking five or more cups of coffee daily to an increased risk of obesity. Wonder if it’s the coffee, or the five or more doughnuts, danish etc that might go with them?.

Youth and skill…

May 16, 2013

Are sometimes overrated.  Signed the old and treacherous San Antonio Spurs.  (But nice try, Warriors.)

 

Who’s rooting hardest for the New York Knicks to stay in the NBA playoffs? Might be the Mets and Jets. As long as the Knicks are alive it keeps their problems off the front page.

Former Oakland Raider 1st round draft pick Rolando McClain, 23, just retired after signing with the Ravens. But McClain, who’s been arrested 3 times in 2 years, says he’s only leaving football to get his personal life in order and “God willing,”might play in the NFL again. Right, because nothing helps you get things together than having millions of dollars and nothing to do.

 

(An interesting aside, Ryan Duca points out that dating back 10 years, the Raiders have zero 1st or 2nd round picks that they made still on the roster.)

 

The White House would really like to get these negative stories off the front page. Wonder how much they’ve offered to have Carnival Cruise Lines strand another ship somewhere?

 

A bipartisan House committee says say have an agreement “in principle,” on immigration reform. What?! How did they find the time with all these more important questions to deal with like Benghazi and the IRS tea party targeting? .

Another thought about the IRS and targeting potential conservative tax-exempt organizations. Yes, again, stupid. But if the agency had that much political power wouldn’t they have taken away the exemption for Karl Rove’s “Crossroads GPS?”

Hillary Clinton has been announced as a speaker for the ASTA travel agent convention this September. And no doubt Bill has told her “Honey, you need to travel and see as many vacation destinations as possible beforehand.”

 

The latest player caught in baseball’s testing program is a Marlins minor league pitcher who has been suspended 50 games. If you have to cheat and you can’t even make the Miami Marlins roster, maybe it’s time to find a new career choice.

 

WTF? Dick Cheney on Benghazi: “In my past experience when we got into these situations — especially after 9/11 — we were always there, locked and loaded, ready to go on 9/11.” So after Benghazi who does Cheney think Obama should have invaded?

Florida is trying to get rid of gambling machines, which some think means they should shut down games inside Chuck E. Cheese. Although patrons would still be gambling that they could find anything edible.

Alabama coach Nick Saban said that former assistant coach Tim Davis’s calling him “the devil himself” was “terribly disappointing.” I believe Saban prefers the term “God.”

MLB is thinking of expanding video review in 2014 and possibly making all calls other than balls or strikes subject to instant replay. Stand by for Yankees-Red Sox games going from four to five hours.

David Beckman has announced his retirement.  Once again Brett Favre responded: “the first time is the hardest.”

 

American Airlines is trying something smart. Allowing passengers whose only carry-on item fits under the seat to board early, in hopes of avoiding the slowdown when folks try to get their suitcases overhead. Now the fun, watching passengers insist their large bags fit under the seat…..

Now, on the other side of smart,  American managed to lose a box containing a gold worth $625,000 at Miami International Airport.  The airline believes it was stolen after it was unloaded onto the tarmac.

And here you thought it was just your cheap luggage they couldn’t keep track of….

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  San Francisco pitcher Jeremy Affedlt discovered a clerical error from earlier in his contract and, as a result, returned $500,000.00 back to the Giants.A similar situation with Alex Rodriguez might involve the return of the Louisiana Purchase.

Venezuela, which has been dealing with all kinds of consumer goods and food shortages, now has a shortage of toilet paper. Insert “deep doo-doo” joke here:

Winning?

January 24, 2012

Mitt Romney says Gingrich is “erratic,” Newt Gingrich says Romney “can’t be trusted.” Who’s winning? President Obama.


Costa and their so-to-be-ex Captain are going at each other hot and heavy in the media as to assigning blame for the crash and sinking of the Concordia. Will the famous term for buck-passing be updated to “throwing someone under the cruise ship?”

Who knew? The true MVP of the 2011 49ers might have been Ted Ginn. Jr.

Open note to all spammers. Work on spelling. Doesn’t exactly inspire fear in your targets when they get an email supposedly from Paypal titled “account suspended, for your proection (sic).

A rumor going around about Ryan Braun is that he says his failed drug test is the result of his taking medication for an STD. (Herpes.) Not that I want to impugn anyone’s good name unnecessarily but considering the number of children along with the reputations pro-athletes have…. does anyone really think he’s the only one taking such medication?

Or to put it another way, if meds for an STD made you test positive for PED’s, wouldn’t we have a lot more players on the 50 day shelf?

All these folks ragging on Steven Tyler for his lousy rendition of the National Anthem. It could have been MUCH more painful to watch – Tyler could have had a wardrobe malfunction.

Kia Motors said it is recalling 145,755 cars in the United States because of potentially faulty driver airbags. Wow. Kia has sold over 145,000 cars in the U.S?

Two part joke with my comedy writer friend Paul Seaburn, who wrote the first joke below:

“India’s government wants an apology from Jay Leno for a joke where he said that the Golden Temple, which is India’s holiest shrine, could be Mitt Romney’s summer home. Romney wants an apology too for putting the idea into his wife’s head.

My following joke. Wonder how long until we see a Leno joke about Britain’s crown jewels upsetting Newt Gingrich for the same reason.

Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf on his former manager – “Regarding Ozzie Guillen’s departure last September, I want to make it clear that he left with our organization’s blessing.” Translate, Reinsdorf told Ozzie, don’t let the clubhouse door hit you in the “behind.”

Quote of the night on “the Bachelor” from model Courtney ” “I’m a nice person, don’t f*ck with me.”

Royal Caribbean sent a long email to past guests reassuring them on the cruise lines safety procedures and even including links to videos on the subject. Here’s a simpler idea – just send out an email “Our captains don’t joyride.”

Rick Santorum’s spokesman said Mitt Romney called him to “concede victory” in Iowa. But Romney’s spokeswoman said his campaign didn’t concede, that “Gov. Romney (just) called Sen. Santorum to congratulate him on the Iowa results.” Can’t imagine where politicians get the reputation for doublespeak.

Sarah Palin said that Chris Christie’s comment that Newt Gringrich was becoming an embarrassment “was reflective of a lack of self-discipline.” Well, if anyone is an expert on a lack of self-discipline….

Sarah Palin also said of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie that he got his “panties in a wad.” Sarah, really? Is that the visual you want to inflict upon the world?

A new study published online by the New England Journal of Medicine finds that some people are allergic to cold. “See, I just cheated on Hillary for my health.” said Bill Clinton.”

Well, at least Tebow…

January 15, 2012

Now has plenty of time to go to church on Sundays.

The Saints lost in a thriller, Tebow and the Broncos got pounded. Maybe God decided to watch the NBA instead this weekend.

Quote before yesterday’s 49ers-Saints playoff game, from Tara VanDerveer via Scott Ostler “All the great ones have a screw loose.” (This actually may describe both Harbaugh and Payton.)

Texas Gov. Rick Perry and Newt Gingrich are appealing not being on the Virginia ballot after both of them failed to get enough signatures to qualify. My thought, if you’re not smart enough to count the right number of signatures, you aren’t nearly smart enough to run for President.

Vice President, maybe.

A $170 million failed Russian space probe will fall down to earth today, only about 2 months after it was launched towards a moon of Mars. Could be the most expensive crash landing since Rick Perry’s presidential campaign.

John Bolton said that President Obama shouldn’t take credit for getting Bin Laden, saying “It’s because Navy Seal Team 6 killed Osama… It happened to occur during his presidency.” Ah, I get it, since he took office Obama is only responsible for everything bad that has happened.

Congrats to Jim Harbaugh for his gutsy call to throw for a game-winning touchdown last night. David Shaw would have gone for the tying field goal. (No, Stanford fans aren’t still bitter….Right.)

Not sure about the timing of this Alvin and the Chipmunks, Chipwrecked movie, with the Costa Concordia’s story. On the other hand some might think the only silver lining of a ship’s sinking might be potentially drowned Chipmunks.

More bad timing, while the capsized Costa cruise ship makes headlines, another major European headline is “More than 4,000 people in Belfast are vying to land one of 70 front of house staff jobs in the world’s largest Titanic visitor attraction.”

Open note to all Americans who take cruises to Mexico but are too scared to get off their cruise ships in port over exaggerated crime reports – the Carnival Splendor, the biggest ship sailing that route, is or rather was a sister ship to the Costa Concordia.

Another thought for cruise passengers – We may have seen the end of increasingly lax cruise lifeboat drills.

Summer time, and the laughing is easy.

June 22, 2011

One of the new popular items at county fairs this summer is apparently deep-fried Kool-Aid balls. (really.) Assume the price on them is $4.20.

Another example of why when you wish/pray for something, it is important to be specific.   The Giants lost to the Twins tonight 9-2, after Minnesota scored 8 runs in the first inning.  How many SF Giants fans said before the game- “God, I am so tired of watching great pitching wasted in 2-1 losses”?

Another day, another Republican candidate. Today it’s Jon Huntsman, who says he wants to “create jobs.” Waiting for the honest man or woman who really states the GOP platform – “More tax breaks for millionaires.”

Dirk Nowitzki is now trying to decide whether to take the summer off, or play for the German National Team. Or he could make a Lebron like compromise – play for the German team, but take the fourth quarter off.

Now Newt Gingrich’s campaign finance staff has resigned. To paraphrase an old joke, at this point the main difference between Newt’s presidential campaign and Elvis, is that everyone knows the campaign is dead.

“Lost” actor Doug Hutchison, 51, announced that he has married his 16-year-old girlfriend, Courtney Alexis Stodden. Even Hugh Hefner is saying “Now that’s just creepy.”

Princess Cruise Lines is now dropping both Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta as a port on their seven-day cruises from Los Angeles, citing concerns over “the continued violence in these areas.” Really? If the cruise line was that concerned about violence, they would just drop Los Angeles.

In a report released by the American Customer Satisfication Index, airlines ranked 47th amongst among 47 industries. This despite many survey respondents who tried to rank them 50th.

An Amish man was arrested today in Indiana when he arrived at a 12 year old girl’s house in a horse-drawn buggy . Allegedly he had sent the girl sexually explicit messages. So what is an Amish sext? – A hand written note directing someone to look for naked pictures placed on top of their rotary phone?

This next may only make sense to California readers…

Statement from Gavin Newsom’s spokesperson: “Contrary to rumors and speculations cited in recent media reports, Lt. Governor Newsom has no intention of pursuing a run for the U.S. House of Representatives.” Of course not now – at this point he has no idea where things will end up with redistricting.

Despite many allegations of the contrary, a investigation by the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles of two Columbus-area automobile dealerships found that no state laws were broken as far as used car deals given to Ohio State football players and family members, and that they could not confirm any special deals were tied to free tickets and memorabilia.

The department, however,  declined to release details of  the investigation.  Would just love to see how much Buckeyes’ memorabilia is on display at the BMV.