Posted tagged ‘David Cassidy jokes’

Tangled up in blue.

March 25, 2014

Sen. Mitch McConnell’s put out an online campaign video featuring Kentucky horse racing, bluegrass, and basketball. Except the picture was of the 2010 men’s national champions – Duke.. Ah well, geography is another of those commie pinko liberal concepts.

David Cassidy was sentenced to three months of rehab and five years probation for his 2nd DUI in six months and third in less than two years. It’s all part of Los Angeles’ celebrity “Three strikes and we’re really really going to warn you” policy.

 

Malaysian Airlines flight 370 is an awful story. But how many people at this point are really looking forward to the day they find the plane so CNN can go back to their regular coverage of norovirus on cruise ships?

The Baltimore Ravens have had 3 players arrested in a month, Ray Rice for assault, WR Deonte Thompson for possession of marijuana, and OL Jah Reid for misdemeanor battery during a bar fight. On a brighter note, at least none of the arrests were for murder.

A 9 year old Colorado girl who shaved her head, to support a friend who went bald because of cancer treatment,  was temporarily suspended for violating her school’s dress code. Really? Even in Florida the response is “Are you folks nuts?”

Really. The Tea Party is now complaining that the new OFA “Don’t Tread on My Obamacare” bumper sticker is stealing their symbol. Because they had first stole the Gadsden flag fair and square from the American Revolution?

Can’t wait to see who ESPN’s experts predict will win the Sweet Sixteen game between Ohio State and Kansas. Oops, never mind.

 

The NFL is going to start penalizing goal post dunks in 2014. Well, at least this is one problem that won’t be faced by the Oakland Raiders.

 

NY Knicks at LA Lakers Tuesday night on TNT. I’ll take “Games that looked good when they drew up the schedule” for $500, Alex.

Donald Rumsfeld just said “a trained ape” would be better at foreign policy than Obama. One, says who? Two, that’s not a nice way for him to talk about his former boss.

 

The Dodgers have ended the NY Yankees’ 15 year streak of leading MLB in payroll. Now let’s see what kind of a streak L.A. can start of proving money doesn’t buy championships.  (In the 21st century, the Giants have twice as many World Series titles as the Yankees. Just sayin’)

Investigators have decided that the reason behind Paul Walker’s crash was not a mechanical failure, but rather driving 94 MPH on city streets with a 45 MPH limit. Alas once again, the story is, “Too fast, survivors should be furious.”

 

From guest driver on the bus to hell Bill Littlejohn  “Ex-NBA player Quinton Ross was falsely reported dead on what he calls a ‘tough day’.The day could’ve been worse, though–the report could’ve been true”

 

Interesting, Jimmy Fallon just used almost this exact joke below  from yesterday. I know someone at the Tonight Show with Jay Leno used to “borrow” stuff from this blog. If you’re reading this and are from the new Tonight Show, message me. I’ll freelance officially for cheap!

Anthony Weiner has a new gig as a political columnist for Business Insider. Wonder if he knew it’s “Insider” not “Inside-Her.”

Somethin’ always happens whenever we’re together…

August 21, 2013

David Cassidy has been arrested again for DUI, the second time in three years. Looks like the former Partridge Family star was been taking “C’mon, get happy” a little too literally.

There’s now some buzz in the media over whether or not Tim Tebow will make New England’s final roster. The Patriots have to love this – finally some headlines that don’t involve a Brady injury or murder.

Wow, just wow. A recent survey of Louisiana Republicans asked who was most to blame for the Government response to Katrina. 22% said George W. Bush. 29% said Barack Obama. (No joke. 44% weren’t sure.)

 

 

A-Rod says he has told his legal team to shut down the rhetoric with MLB and the Yankees because he’s “just focusing on baseball, just baseball.” Translation: “My lawyers are actually making me look WORSE.”

 

Celebrity Cruise Lines has cancelled four Alaska cruises due to a problem with one of their ship’s motors  Carnival’s response “FINALLY, it’s not us.”

Imitating the airlines?  Holland America Line is sending out revised invoices because they say “govt fees and taxes are subject to change” and the actual taxes and fees now exceed their estimates.  The increase $4.08 a person.  Probably cost more than that to send the invoice.

A North Carolina man has been arrested for the third time for giving women unwanted backrubs. What’s his defense? That he someday wants to run for Mayor of San Diego?

 

No word from the NRA after the senseless shooting of a college baseball player in Oklahoma. Half expect someone to say this would not have happened if the young Australian man had been armed.

Miguel Cabrera played today after appearing to have injured himself again in last night’s game. The Tigers’ star has been playing through a strained lower abdomen, injured hip and banged-up left leg. Gosh, can you imagine how Cabrera would hit if he were healthy?

 

 

So much success in sports is due to the luck of the draw on physical gifts. For the Little League World Series, add to that “the luck of the draw on reaching puberty.”

Although prosecutors had asked for 60 years, Bradley Manning was sentenced to 35 years for leaking government secrets. After precisely the sort of “fair and open trial” Edward Snowden is in Russia trying to avoid.