Posted tagged ‘NFL jokes’

Dropping the balls?

September 12, 2019

Reports are that NFL prefers to move ‘quickly’ on whether or not to suspend Antonio Brown. Of course, so he can be ready to rejoin Patriots for the playoffs.

USA lost again in FIBA World Cup – Of the 35 players originally selected for the U.S. player pool, only four are playing in China.
So we’ve actually found something many NBA star players care less about than the regular season?

 

Justin Verlander now has 2981 strikeouts in his career. Asked about reaching 3,000 strikeouts this season: “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know where I was at. It’s kind of on the back burner, I guess. I’m aware of it. I try not to focus on it too much, but it’d be pretty cool to get to it this year, for sure.”
Bonus points for not saying “Really, I had no clue. I’m just trying to help the team.”

Sam Darnold has mono and the Jets can kiss off their season.

 

US Customs and Border patrol is now giving 1 year extensions of their Global Entry trusted traveler program for members who renew, because they are so backlogged due in part to the “ripple effect of partial government shutdown and the response to the southwest border.”
Do we feel safer?

Maybe we’re going about this gun control thing all wrong. Maybe actually to get something done by Trump White House we just need Barack Obama to post a picture of himself with an AR-15.

Andrew Yang was complaining that tonight’s debate was badly scheduled for football fans. Right about now voters in North Carolina who watched Panthers-Bucs are probably wishing they’d watched debate instead.

This may p*ss some Democrats off. But watching those 10 on stage tonight made me think there’s a good President (and VP) among them. And that we don’t need any other candidates.

Because the way for Joe Biden to say he wasn’t old was to talk about a record player?  

Amy Kobluchar  “Bernie wrote the bill, I read the bill.”

Writing?  Reading? Waiting for Trump to call them elitist.

 

 

 

Meanwhile Trump in Baltimore “earlier today, my administration formally repealed the horrible, dangerous, anti-everything waters of the United States rule.”
And “Let’s say the history of our country over the last 25 years. I would say they probably had cleaner water, cleaner air because there was nobody here.”
#VoteBlueNoMatterWho2020

Punishments and maybe crimes.

August 23, 2019

 

New England safety Patrick Chung reported has been arrested and will be charged with of cocaine possession, This being the Patriots, let’s see how NFL makes sure any jail time or suspension is scheduled for after 2020 Super Bowl.

 

Baltimore Orioles pitchers gave up 259th home run of 2019, now breaking single-season record set by 2016 Reds.
With over a month left in season 300 is CLEARLY in sight.
Just imagine if the team played at Great American Ballpark or Coors?

Wait, now Starbucks announced that Pumpkin Spice Latte is returning Aug. 27. Along with Christmas decorations? WTF?

QANTAS plans to start a New York to Sydney flight, but first they will do test flights to study what happens to health of flight crews and passengers when they spend 19 hours on a plane.
Will the tests include being in a middle seat with crying babies on both sides?

Welcome to the USA. Have a client who has been sitting on the ground at SFO on an Air Canada plane for over 90 minutes after landing waiting for a gate…
Are we great yet?

So why did Sarah Huckabee Sanders just now join Fox News? Was she waiting to see if she could beat out Sean Spicer for DWTS?

Sean Spicer heads to “Dancing With The Stars.” Meanwhile Sarah Huckabee Sanders heads to Fox News “Dancing with the Truth.”

Even “Wag the Dog” thought when the President started a fake conflict it had to be over Albania. Guess they thought no one would believe…. GREENLAND?!!

Tom Cotton, defending Trump. “pointed several times to President Harry Truman’s attempts to buy Greenland from Denmark” in 1946.
Uh, President Harry Truman also proposed a universal health care program in 1945. …

So what’s next, Trump picks a fight with England when he decides he wants Queen Elizabeth to sell him his ancestral homeland of Scotland?

 

Really really miss the days when you could get on a flight without Wi-Fi for 5 hours and not anticipating landing with the thought “WTF did POTUS do now?”

Weighty matters?

January 16, 2018

Odds of Trump weighing 239 pounds are about the same as Pablo Sandoval’s never topping 239 pounds when he was with the SF Giants?

Stanford Cardinal hopes for a great  football season just improved immensely.

2018 slogan?  “Love, Actually. ”  #BryceLove

Bengals fans who hate the Steelers have been thanking Jaguars QB Blake Bortles by donating to his charity. Imagine how much Bortles can raise from Americans if Jacksonville can knock off Brady and Belichick.

Reports that police were called in Houston after the Clippers’ win when several players including James Harden and Chris Paul reportedly stormed LA locker room to confront Blake Griffin and Austin Rivers,
Apparently officers prevented anything from actually happening. But wonder if Rockets-Clippers next game has been moved to national television?#basketballbrawl

 

United 1219 from Denver to Kauai had to divert to San Francisco when the toilets became full, resulting in 8 hour delay. Talk about a shitty flight.

Reports that ICE is planning for a “major sweep” in Northern California cities to arrest and deport more than 1,500 undocumented people so that they can “send a message.” Just wondering, how many people is ICE going after from Asia or Europe including Russia?

#ReligiousFreedomDay for Trump just means that everyone should be free to worship him in their own way.

Turkey has issued travel warning for the US because of a “recent increase in terrorist and violent attacks,” as well as “arbitrary arrests” of Turkish citizens. Are we feeling great yet?

 

Patty Schachtner just won a  State Senate seat in Wisconsin in a district that Trump won 55 to 38 in 2016.   And it  was scheduled as a special election to depress turnout.

So a reminder,  we don’t need to convince EVERYONE that voted for Trump they were wrong. Just enough for a majority.

 

I know geography not Trump administration priority. But still, how does someone with the name Kirstjen not know anything about a Scandinavian country?

 

“When ignorance and bigotry is allied with power, it’s a dangerous force in our country. Your silence and your amnesia is complicity,”  Cory Booker to Kirstjen Nielsen #Booker2020

 

 

 

 

 

Snowed under.

January 5, 2018

Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to take credit for fact that players on 24 NFL teams will be guaranteed NOT to kneel for anthem this upcoming weekend.  #Playoffs

 

Michigan may not be as thrilled with Jim Harbaugh  as they once were. But at least they didn’t still have Rich Rodriguez.

 

Despite the Blizzard of 2018, Patriots coach Bill Belichick indicated players better not be late to practice or they might be sent home. Wonder if that includes Brady.

Has anyone told #JeffSessions that “States Rights” are not “Confederate States Rights?”

If Congress decides to pass a law overriding Jeff Sessions’ reefer madness, would be perfect if Doug Jones casts deciding vote in Senate.

Normally when California gets any #earthquake people in rest of US say it’s a reason they wouldn’t live here. With #blizzard2018 they’re thinking, so what’s a little shaking?

Would really like to see Jeff Sessions tell @SenJohnMcCain to his face he shouldn’t be able to use medical marijuana.

Can understand Trump being vindictive enough to open up oil drilling off coast of California. But did he forget Florida voted for him?

Gov. Rick Scott on Trump’s offshore oil drilling plan – “crucial need to remove Florida from consideration.” In other words, f*ck up someone else’s state?#noshame #DeepwaterHorizon

Sean Spicer says he didn’t lie but “I did my best every day to do what I could to communicate what the President’s intentions were.” Might be the longest-winded oxymoron ever?

 

Remember those innocent days when we thought worst thing we could have to explain about a President to our children was a blow job?

You know, there have been supposed nasty tell-all books on Obama and Clintons; neither Barack, Bill nor Hillary ever threw hissy-fits and demanded the books not be sold.

Trump’s “cease and desist” demand on #FireAndFury is so guaranteed to increase book sales you have to wonder if Michael Wolff offered him a cut of profits?

Trump “I authorized Zero access to White House (actually turned him down many times) for author of phony book!”
Wolfe was at WH daily for months. So Trump expects us to believe he can keep dangerous people out of USA, but he can’t even keep an unwanted reporter out of the West Wing?

If it’s any consolation to Trump #FireAndFury will probably now sell a lot more copies than #WhatHappened.

 

With weather that may not hit the teens this weekend in Boston and Buffalo, how thankful are NFL fans that the Patriots have a bye, and the Bills have an away game?

 

From TC  “Buffalo Bills fans have donated over $100,000 to Bengals QB Andy Dalton’s charity for knocking The Ravens out of the playoffs and getting Buffalo in. So does anyone know the name of the receiver that caught the pass? ”  Just sayin….  (everyone knows who Malcolm Butler and Dwight Clark are

(Hey, does anyone know the name of any Bengals?  Or Bills?

 

Missed it by THAT much

December 21, 2017

NFL tells officials not to use index cards to measure 1st downs. The way officiating has been going this year might be more appropriate to use toilet paper.

 

Lakers guard Kentavious Caldwell-Pope is actually serving a 25-day jail sentence but playing home games under a work release program.
So will a similar plan soon be in place for staff in Trump White House?

 

 

Another 2017 Bummer. RIP Dick Enberg. Though in a long life he really did “touch em all.”

 

FBI documents allege Adidas paid Brian Bowen’s father $100,000 for recruit to sign w/ Louisville. Bowen says he knows “nothing about it”, has never talked about it with his dad, even though he and his father are “closer than ever.” Almost enough to make you miss “tainted supplements.

 

“Spare the Air” alerts mean San Francisco Bay Area homes can’t have actual wood fires in their fireplaces Christmas Eve. Well, good news at least for Santa.

In Spanish regional elections, Catalonia secessionist parties tonight declared victory. Blue states in US thinking “You can do that?”

 

Yet another reason companies should hire more women – heck of a lot less likely they’ll have to be fired for sexual harassment.

Inserted into tax bill-, pro athletes may no longer deduct agents’ commissions from their salaries. Trump must really not want any more championship teams visiting him in White House.

Ivanka, while taking some credit for tax bill, “I spent a lot of time with Sen. Corker as well and he had real integrity around this process.” #CorkerKickback#whythereisnosatire

Americans who pay attention to Fox News must be feeling pretty good about the prospects for impeaching President Hillary Clinton.

Ted Cruz – With GOP bill, everyone’s taxes will go down except “rich people in Manhattan and SF.” Uh, Ted. “average effective property tax rate in Texas 1.94%, 4th highest rate of any state.”

As ghastly as thought of Steve Bannon running for President is, the thought of a Bannon-Trump debate sounds like must-see TV.

Millionaires and billionaires needed a tax cut like Mar-A-Lago needed to raise their prices for New Year’s Eve.

Right-wing website blamed Doug Jones’ win in Alabama on a coalition of “Muslims, Hispanics and mainly black Christians.” Don’t forget women. And sorry guys, we can and will vote. Even more outside of Alabama.

The one that got away…

December 18, 2017

Robbie Gould, cut by Chicago last year is 30-32 on FG & has made 20 in a row. His replacement Connor Barth is 11 for 16. That’s so Bears #DaBears

On the other hand, good news for Bears fans.  A win against the Browns is on next Sunday’s schedule.

Announcers for #GBvsCAR talking about how well Packers fans travel to away games. They’re great team w/ great fans…but if you had ANY reason to get out of Green Bay in December..?

With Christmas Eve next Sunday, and lots of shopping and preparation for the holiday,  have to wonder how many NFL fans took this Sunday off .   Of course no one expected the Seahawks to join them.

Top HS QB prospect Justin Fields has committed to Georgia over Florida State. Seminoles feeling crabby? Or crab-leggy?

Power outage at Atlanta airport, a Delta hub, strands thousands of passengers. American and United immediately introduce electricity surcharge.

Headlines that more than 300 people out of 5,000 on a Royal Caribbean Cruise ship got sick norovirus this week. Wow, that’s almost as many as the number of passengers on any given morning who were hungover.

Trump lawyer accuses Mueller of obtaining emails illegally – so former FBI director should have just had Russia get them for him?

 –
Putin reportedly called Trump to thank CIA for tip that helped stop a St. Petersburg bombing. That moment when Pres. of Russia is more positive about U.S. Intelligence than Pres of US…

I understand why people who’re just getting by would do anything for big tax cut. But when you have more $$$ than you can spend in a lifetime? #CorkerKickback

Senator Corker said he had no idea about the provision introduced at the last minute into the GOP tax bill that will save him over $1 million in tax a year. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

Anyone else think Mnuchin’s Treasury department has spent less time actually analyzing #GOP tax bill than his wife Louise Linton spent making her designer clothing & jewelry Christmas wish list.

Because Trump thinks he’s done enough already? Tax bill would impose a 20% tax on goods made in Puerto Rico & shipped to mainland. #WTF?

Are you ready for some almost football?

December 15, 2017

Thursday Night Football tonight was 4-9 Broncos vs 3-10 Colts.  Did US retailers pay NFL for this matchup to get Americans to say “Heck, I’ll just go Christmas shopping.”

Not that I could predict the winners, or even name the teams. But we’re less than a week away from best named college bowls of 2017 – the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl” and the “Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.”

Jets OC John Morton, acknowledging NY had no chance in 4th against Broncos “I just wanted to run it and get out of there.” Sort of how the Giants have been playing all season?

Today was the five anniversary of #SandyHook. Five years of GOP “thoughts and prayers..

What happened to #KateSteinle was a tragedy, but those demanding changes & politicizing her death somehow don’t feel the same about #SandyHook

Disney buying most of Fox. Makes sense. Fox already was a Mickey Mouse operation.

Just got an pre-sale announcement for “Earth, Wind and Fire” concert. Assume tickets automatically come with a senior discount?

Watching #RoyMoore still refuse to accept Alabama voting results makes you wonder what he’d have done when Senate voted to expel him?

#BumperStickersForBadParents “I told Roy Moore he could date my daughter.”

Maybe we can get Trump to overturn FCC #NetNeutrality decision if we convince him fewer people will see his tweets?

A number of GOP senators are reportedly now undecided on tax bill. Presumably those running for re-election in 2018? #TaxScamBill

OK, this IS  a #FakeNews headline from @CNN – “Paul Ryan ‘soul searching'” As if they really expected us to believe #PaulRyan has a soul.

 

Some right-wing sore losers alleging voter fraud in Alabama. Uh, if Democrats were that good at fake votes they’d have gotten enough to win 2016 election.

 

Leaving aside Trump nominee Matthew Spencer Petersen’s lack of qualifications to be a judge, after his hearing, have to wonder, how did Petersen ever pass the bar?

Reports that @SenJohnMcCain is looking “increasingly frail.” For his sake & that of USA probably best if he stay home & rest instead of voting on GOP tax bill,

 

I didn’t really want #DustinHoffman to be the man behind today’s Sexual Predator Advent Calendar window.

Though Hoffman has never been one of my very favorites.  One of saddest things about 2017 is being a woman & having your “desert island men” list become a list of men you REALLY don’t want to see trending.

Mistakes were made.

December 11, 2017

Giancarlo Stanton sounds positively giddy about leaving #Marlins for #Yankees. And of course NY fans & media will be so supportive if he has anything less than an MVP year.

 

NFL warned teams today it will begin “significant discipline” to anyone engaging in offensive conduct or contact against game officials.”
What about discipline for offensive officiating?

On a non-political note, three of the nicest words for Tuesday are “Kawhi Leonard ‘probable.”” #GoSpursGo @Spurs

According to Hank Schulman Stanton has been spending “Octobers in Europe unable to really watch the playoffs because it just kills him.”
Save this post if Yankees miss 2018 Postseason

Derek Jeter, on Stanton trade “No, there isn’t anything I would do differently.” Has someone checked former Yankees’ captain for concussions?

 

Maybe they don’t have Louis Vuitton stores in Lithuania?

Now it’s #CarsonWentz who is out for the season. With three weeks to go how many stars will be left for the @NFL playoffs?

Oops. Neither Bangladesh nor Brooklyn were on Trump’s travel ban list.#PortAuthority

#PortAuthority suspect said he made his bomb at work. And some people feel guilty about wasting employer time by with games or online shopping.

Dept of Education under Betsy Devos has stopped cancelling student loan debt for those defrauded by failed for-profit schools. Because how could they acknowledge it might have been a major mistake to attend Trump University?

Just imagine if when @BarackObama went to Hawaii for vacation he stayed at resort owned by his family & made a profit off trip. GOP heads would have exploded.

If you’re really “pro-life” it seems like a no-brainer to vote for man who successfully prosecuted murderers of four little girls. @GDouglasJones

 

December bringing different man or men every day accused of sexual harassment. This is becoming like a very twisted advent calendar.

It”s only Monday & this week #RyanLizza#MarioBatali…. Beginning to think it’s a bad idea to put men in positions of power.

Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to respond that he doesn’t get what all #KaylaMoore fuss is about “I have a Jew son-in-law.”

 

Just wondering, how many people have attorneys (plural) and KNOW what religion they all are? #KaylaMoore #NoMoore

Considering #KaylaMoore‘s “Jew” lawyer comment & his friend talking about child brothels, I understand why #RoyMoore tried to lie low weekend before election.

Crickets on #PortAuthority from @realDonaldTrump If alleged wannabe terrorist had been from country on his travel ban he’d have tweeted within 30 seconds.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders says on Trump sexual assault allegations “American people knew this & voted for him,”   So WTF was Donald Trump doing going after Bill Clinton 20+ years later after his election?

Trump attacks @NYTimes for saying he watches 4-8 hours of TV a day. Maybe he means he really watches 8-12 hours….

Real turkeys.

November 22, 2017

NFL really missing great marketing opportunity – “This Thanksgiving, watch our games instead of talking politics with your relatives.”

Although  football fans in search of a real turkey may have to wait two days past Thanksgiving.  When Tennessee and Vanderbilt, both 0-7 in SEC conference play, play each other.

Ex-Braves GM John Coppolella banned for life from MLB for violating rules on intl signing. You’d think with cheating on that level Atlanta would have better team.

 

Jerry Jones decides not to sue NFL over Roger Goodell’s contract extension. What a relief for all those opposed to billionaire on billionaire violence.

Even though Markelle Fultz is injured, 76ers got to think they dodged a bullet picking him now instead of Lonzo Ball (& dad.)

NASCAR ratings on Fox Sports are down 17% this year. I’m sure it’s all those black drivers kneeling for the National Anthem.

Charlie Rose has been fired. At this point his only hope for a career save is to run for office as Republican promising to support tax cuts.

Following Trump’s pardon Tuesday morning, will Thanksgiving at Mar-A-Lago see Jared and Don Jr. fight over the turkey costume?

GOP & Trump position – only women telling the truth about sexual assault are accusing Democrats.

For those trying to think of something to keep them too nauseous to overeat on Thanksgiving – Roy Moore’s friend, defending Moore’s dating habits – “there’s something about a purity of a young woman.”

By calling all women who have accused him liars, Roy Moore is assaulting them a second time.

Cynthia Wesley, Carole Robertson & Addie Mae Collins were 14 yrs old, Denise McNair was 11. But according to Trump, Doug Jones, who finally convicted their killers, is “soft on crime.” #deplorable

Who Trump trusts: Roy Moore, Vladimir Putin.
Who Trump doesn’t trust: Everybody else

Maybe Democrats are taking too high a road on their defense of #NetNeutrality. Maybe we just need to shout at men “This will stop your free porn.”

Two men’s teams out.

November 13, 2017

Well, at least Italy and USA can get together for a serious pizza & beer World Cup watching party.

Question of the night – How did the Dolphins manage to win 4 games?

Knicks  blew 15 point lead in 4th quarter tonight to lose by 3 to Cavs. Who do they think they are, the Atlanta Falcons?

So does the “Citizen of the Year” cover mean GOP will boycott GQ too?

Trump reportedly asked Chinese President Xi to help resolve UCLA basketball shoplifting case. Because what could come of having young men grow up thinking laws don’t apply to them?

Amazing, now the Twitter bots are on to Bill Clinton allegations. Last I heard he isn’t running for Senate.

Few could believe Catholic Church could so dishonor their own religion by turning a blind eye to pedophiles. Alabama pastors “Hold our beer.”

Keurig CEO Bob Gamgort said company didn’t intend to “take sides” w/ Roy Moore. Are there “many fine people on both sides” of adults dating teenagers?

 –
Can’t wait for some Trump/Moore supporter to say that yearbook note was somehow forged by same person who forged Obama’s birth certificate.

Now Fox News accusing GOP who condemn Moore of being hypocrites for not condemning George H.W. Bush. Groping is not OK, even for an old man. But H.W. is not now running for Senate.

Trump nominates Alex Azar as HHS Secretary. “He will be a star for better healthcare & lower drug prices.” Right, because who lowers drug prices better than an pharmaceutical executive?

Imagine GOP response if Chelsea Clinton had been found to be communicating with Wikileaks?

On Roy Moore, again. One is a mistake, two is really bad judgment….four is a pattern. Where there’s four there’s more.

If #RoyMoore does somehow withstand scandal & gets elected assume GOP in Senate embrace him at least as long as it takes to get tax cuts?

Just guessing even if #RoyMoore wins his offer will be turned down to play Santa Claus at White House Christmas Party.

(Though perhaps he might get the gig at Mar-A-Lago)

 

As a 1977 high school graduate I don’t remember every inscription in my yearbook. But pretty damn sure there’s none from a 30 year old man signed “Love.”

What’s the spread?

November 8, 2017

Jerry Jones has apparently declared war on Roger Goodell. Pass the popcorn, this could be more fun than most NFL games.

Jameis Winston apologized for inciting incident with Saints that led to Mike Evans suspension. Will Bucs QB say he was a little crabby?

Lonzo Ball says he hasn’t spoken to any of his family since his brother was arrested for shoplifting. So every cloud DOES have a silver lining?

Some media controversy since various New York Giants players have told reporters both that head coach Ben McAdoo does and doesn’t have the support of his team.

At 1-7 does it matter?

Christopher Plummer, 87 to replace Kevin Spacey in “All the Money in the World.” Twitter really needs to have #Trendingnotdead hashtag.

Not sure what Donna Brazile plans to do with the rest of her life, but clearly it doesn’t involve Democratic party.

A top focus for Danica Roem’s campaign was Northern Virginia traffic. Proving perhaps that most people don’t care what bathroom you use as long as it doesn’t take hours on road to get to one.

Some thought there’d be little election coverage on Fox News today. Wrong, plenty of coverage. On last year’s election. #WhenallelsefailsattackHillary

New Trump restrictions go into effect for Cuba today, making it much harder for ordinary Americans to travel there. But cigars & rum still OK. Priorities!

 

Give Trump credit. Might be first GOP President ever to be mocked at the #CMAawards #beforehetweets

 

Trump today in Beijing on trade “I don’t blame China.’ Too soon to start a pool on when he will next blame China?

Looking at minority and women’s vote totals from yesterday have to wonder how long before GOP tries to repeal 15th & 19th amendments?

Is “my memory has been refreshed” the new “pushed into a lifeboat?”. #Lewandowski

Trump apparently has been driving White House chef crazy trying to get him to replicate McDonald’s food. So he hasn’t heard of Doordash?

Sebastian Gorka now employed by Fox News. Congrats to all those who had Nov. 8 in the pool.

Interesting, praised @JustinTrudeau on Twitter & suddenly got an avalanche of responses, many from possible bots. So now Russia’s interested in Canada’s election?

If Democrats insist on focusing on last election, 2017 is now officially the last election. And the message is #unityindiversity

Analyze this?

November 6, 2017

Cashman – Yankees fired Girardi because Joe didn’t have good “connectivity” w/ clubhouse. “Connectivity?” Is that like exit velocity?

If all ex-players with CTE and/or dying young haven’t bothered you,  but guys kneeling to protest oppression makes you stop watching NFL, you might be a racist.

All these teams don’t want to sign Colin Kaepernick because they might hear boos from fans? Guess what… Packers, Browns, 49ers, Dolphins, Giants…

 

From Marc Ragovin  “MetLife Stadium is now known as Area 51.”

Kevin Spacey has entered a sex addiction rehab program in Arizona. Congrats to all those who had Nov 6 in the pool.

From T.C.  “A World Series fan picked the first 6 games correctly, parlaying a $200,000 bet into $14,000,000. He didn’t bet on game 7, saying he needed the funds to pay for his Yankee season tickets, hot dogs and beer.”

 

Rumors that Rand Paul’s neighbor assaulted him over some sort of issue over their lawns. If only they had both been armed. #duel?

.

Many women appalled that a dispute over yards between neighbors would result in Rand Paul being assaulted. Not something serious like shopping.

Bernie Sanders petition wants DNC to implement policies to make “Democratic Party more inclusive.” Uh, Bernie, can you become a Democrat  first?

 

Interesting how same GOP that will do anything to help people keep their gun rights will do anything to take away other people’s voting rights.

GOP tax plan eliminates teachers’ ability to deduct cost of school supplies they buy from taxes. Makes sense, education causes Democrats.

Only problem w/everyone having guns is that when shooting starts, in chaos it’s hard to get good guys from the bad. Seriously.

 

Witness to #TexasChurchMassacre “The Bible tells us that we overcome evil with good.” How about good gun laws?

Kellyanne Conway “Rush” to politicize Texas shooting “disrespectful to dead.” Because in Murica we only politicize killings by brown people?’

An 18-month old was among those killed in #TexasChurchMassacre. Once again, how can you be so-called “pro-life” & anti-gun control?

 

 

Seriously, after latest Texas shooting, have to wonder, how many other domestic violence convictions have our armed forces not reported to civilian authorities?

Trump comment on recent mass shootings. “It isn’t a guns situation,” but “mental health problem at the highest level.”  The highest level as in the Oval Office?

Although Trump’s tweets so far from Asia are mild by his usual standards. Think maybe Kelly told him he didn’t have intl data plan & has control of his phone?

 

Juli Briskman, Virginia woman who flipped off Trump’s motorcade while riding bike, was fired for gesture. Guessing a few others might hire her.

If you’re in a state with 2017 elections, VOTE Tuesday  or give up all bitching rights. That is all.

Go ‘Stros

November 1, 2017

It was less than 4 1/2 years ago when Matt Cain with #SFGiants threw a perfect game against then the worst team in baseball.

But hey, Astros have been bad so long that the stadium they were named for was built & torn down before they won World Series. #Astrodome

I officially love A.J. Hinch. Letting his pitcher bat in 9th with a 4 run lead. #Dancewiththemthatbrungyou

Fox talking about Jr. Home Run Derby during Altuve AB’s seemed somehow wrong. Most of these kids are taller than him.

 

Los Angeles Dodgers opening day 2017 payroll, $242 million. Houston Astros opening day 2017 payroll, $124 million.  Just saying.

Carlos Correa, with his post game 7 marriage proposal made most women go “aww…”  and most men hoping to pull off the ultimate marriage proposal thinking – “Thanks for setting impossible bar,   a**hole.”

 

On brighter note for LA fans , children in Africa are going to be getting really good looking blue & white Dodgers World Series Champions gear.

Also on brighter note, the 104 win 2017 LA Dodgers did get further than the 116 win 2001 Seattle Mariners.

Not a Dodgers fan, but as a baseball fan have to feel for for Yu Darvish. A class act.

Browns WR Josh Gordon has been conditionally reinstated to the NFL. Let’s hope he doesn’t go to Colorado to celebrate.

Actually while NFL conditionally reinstates Josh Gordon maybe they drug-test members of Browns staff involved in botched AJ McCarron trade?

Papa John’s, official NFL pizza company, thinks player protests hurting their profits. What if Papa John’s & NFL just have lousy product?

David Shaw says in Stanford-OSU game -“It was a gut feeling to stick with Keller Chryst.” Uh, coach Shaw, there are antacids for that.

Another day, another powerful man (men)  accused of sexual assault. Another reason maybe we need to have more women in charge?

John Kelly-“Robert E. Lee gave up his country to fight for his state.” Uh, Benedict Arnold gave up new country to fight for his 1st country.

 

 –

Before victims are buried from New York Terrorist Attack we’ve got at least two dead in shooting at Colorado Walmart. Nothing to see here. #Murica

And meanwhile, as Trump goes on immigration tirade, 2 are dead on street in NYC East Village from apparent murder-suicide shooting.   More #Murica

Always too soon to start talking climate change or gun control…. Never too early for @realDonaldTrump to start spewing hate.

 

Seeing #TheLionKing trending & happy to see it’s a new Disney movie w/great cast. Not documentary on @realDonaldTrump – #TheLyingKing

Laura Bush on the Trump family “I wish them the very best.” Is that Texan for “Bless their hearts?”

Don Jr. wants Chloe to give away candy to teach her about socialism. To teach her about zoology does he show her pics of animals he’s shot?

No joke, Trump wants to name his tax reform plan “The Cut Cut Cut Act.” Because “Millionaire Relief Act” doesn’t have the same ring to it?

Thinking back to Nixon and Watergate. US did get rid of Agnew first. Maybe we should start working on Pence?

Changing seasons.

October 17, 2017

NBA regular season basketball is back tonight. Which means we’re only about 6 months away from meaningful games.

Meanwhile, Cubs looking like a team less interested in a possible second ring ceremony than vacation.

Will Trump claim Warriors lost opening night because he dis-invited them from White House?

Guess the Warriors are not going to go 82-0 this year.

Anthem protests? Or teams not worth watching? This from USA Today: “The New Orleans defense SCORED three touchdowns in Week 6. Eighteen of the 28 offenses in action during Week 6 couldn’t make similar claim.”

Titans Colts on MNF had lowest of season. Could be anthem issue. More likely competition from  Yankees-Astros.  And 2 lousy small market NFL teams.

If this postseason shows us anything it’s that 2016 #SFGiants bullpen may not have been good, but misery has a lot of company.

(Haven’t watched Astros regularly this season but also got to wonder, why pull McCullers after only 81 pitches and 1 run? #ALCS)

 

Imagining  Trump telling Jacqueline Kennedy “Your husband knew what he signed up for when he went to Dallas.

So wonder if Trump has told John Kelly his son “knew what he signed up for?”

Sociopaths do not feel empathy.

Defense Department investigating mission that led to deaths of 4 US soldiers in Niger. Will be interesting to see how they pin it on Hillary.

All these folks saying they wished they’d spoken up sooner about Weinstein. So there are NO other predators in Hollywood? Speak up on them.

Trump on his lie that we are the highest taxed nation in the world. “People know exactly what I’m talking about, and in many cases they think I’m right when I say the highest.”
Right, and the #FakeNews keeps reporting those pesky real facts.

Tom Marino withdrew as drug czar after WAPO/ 60Min story his bill helped put more opioids into struggling communities. #Notsofakenews?

A NJ teacher reportedly told her that t U.S. soldiers “are not fighting for your right to speak Spanish. They are fighting for your right to speak American.”
Uh, didn’t we actually fight a big war once against the people who gave us the language she called American?

“I still believe people are good at heart.”  (Anne Frank)  Have to think many Americans didn’t know what they were signing up for when they voted in Nov.

Trump is not happy with John McCain after the Senator’s speech repudiating “half-baked, spurious nationalism cooked up by people who would rather find scapegoats than solve problems.”
“People have to be careful because at some point I fight back I’m being very nice. I’m being very, very nice. But at some point I fight back, and it won’t be pretty.
Responding to Trump’s threat, McCain bluntly told reporters Tuesday: “I’ve faced far greater challenges than this.”
We’re going to need a stronger word than “deplorable.”

Lost in translation?

October 16, 2017

 

NFL officiating czar today-“clear & obvious” to overturn Jets 4th quarter TD catch. Time to start checking league officials for concussions?

On resale sites, ticket prices for ALCS game 3 between Astros and Yankees in New York tonight have fallen as low as eighty-nine dollars. So fans can get into game for price of a Yankee Stadium hot dog & beer.

NFLPA now filed for restraining order to block Ezekiel Elliott suspension. If this keeps up suspension won’t take place until Zeke retires.

Tiger Woods has apparently been cleared to resume full golf activity with no restrictions. Does that include waitresses?

 

If the @Spurs knock off the @Warriors as NBA champion this year guessing they won’t be visiting the White House either. #Popovich

And just in case anyone didn’t know. #GreggPopovich, besides being one of greatest coaches ever, is an actual veteran,

Trader Joe’s now has pumpkin-flavored dog treats. So ready for it to be November.

 

Nothing says respect for Judeo-Christian values like nominating someone’s former mistress & now third wife as Ambassador to the Vatican.

 

Interesting how I haven’t heard a peep about Calista Gingrich from those who attack Hillary for enabling her cheating husband.

Think if firefighters started kneeling that Trump would find time for a tweet about California Wildfires?

After saying little on opioids after his August promise pledge to declare a national emergency, Trump now says, “probably next week” he will make a major announcement.
Translation, he’s waiting for the next issue to surface re Jared, Ivanka or Russia so he can make the bigliest distraction.

Trump not only attacked Obama, falsely, about fallen soldiers, he said in his answer about ignoring the men killed in Niger “I’ve actually written letters individually to the soldiers we’re talking about, and they’re going to be going out either today or tomorrow.”

Translation, he’s going to get someone on his staff to write letters immediately for him to sign.

 

Here’s one thing some men just don’t seem to get. Of course both men and women can have a lousy boss and/or get harassed at work. But almost never do men get bullied or harassed just BECAUSE of their gender.

Trump today, when asked why he hasn’t mentioned the 4 US soldiers killed in Niger 12 days ago, said he “planned'” to call their families, but added “So the traditional way, if you look at President Obama and other presidents, most of them, didn’t make calls, a lot of them didn’t make calls, I like to call when it’s appropriate, when I think I’m able to do it.”
He’s not a “f*cking moron,” he’s a “f*cking evil bastard.”

 

In case any reader didn’t see Popovich’s comments today.  And in case anyone wonders why I’m a Spurs fan.

https://www.thenation.com/article/a-soulless-coward-coach-gregg-popovich-responds-to-trump/

And then there were 8.

October 13, 2017

Congrats to Syracuse and Cal. Would enjoy this more if it didn’t mean more likelihood of 2 SEC teams in the playoffs.

Now can someone beat #Alabama.

 

Two top 10 teams have lost before #CollegeGameDay even starts.

ESPN  called WSU vs Call  “College Football Primetime.” It’s 1:56a on the East Coast.   WTF?

Apparently never bet against Smokey Bears.#Calfootball #CaliforniaWildfires #bustohell

Reminder to all those who want to dump on Dusty Baker. He didn’t tell Jose Labaton to take a long lead off 1st base last night.

Not claiming as a woman sports fan that I know everything. And , maybe not even enough to competently discuss the physicality of routes with Cam Newton. But I sure as hell know that as the tailing runner in a late inning one-run elimination game at HOME you don’t even THINK about the kind of lead that might get you picked off first.

Thank you #Astros & #Yankees for at least temporarily playing something recognizable as good baseball. #ALDS

#ARod now says he used PEDs because he felt “responsibility” to bounce back from injuries since the Yankees had invested so much money in him.   Again, I think,  I like “pushed into a lifeboat”  better.

NFL not moving #Chargers #Raiders game. League feels air will not be that bad, & they don’t need Oakland fans in a couple years anyway.

Weinstein “We all make mistakes.” Uh, a mistake is a bad night, a bad choice, even maybe a bad relationship. Not a decades-long pattern.

Saying young healthy people don’t need good health insurance is like saying no one who hasn’t had an accident needs car insurance.

Trump says he met with “The President of the Virgin Islands.” Can’t wait until November when Donald travels to Hawaii

Trump also proclaimed week of Oct. 15-21 “National Character Counts Week.” In related news , the Pot has proclaimed Oct 15-21 “National Black Kettle Week.”

So if you’re looking on a map is Tanzaynia next to Nambia?

 

Seriously, if Weinstein is just one of many powerful men guilty of criminal behavior then why doesn’t some actress speak up RIGHT NOW if she’s been the victim of someone else? The climate will never be more supportive and maybe we can remove another predator, or two, from a position of power.

Lies, damn lies and Trumpisms.

September 28, 2017

Former University of Florida and current Ohio State coach  Urban Meyer “If you intentionally lie about committing violations, your career is over.” And he said it with a straight face

If Green Bay fans want to give up season tickets over @Packers making statements about racism, sure plenty of younger enlightened fans will take them.

Took decades, but mean bitch Karma finally found a hole in that Teflon coat Rick Pitino’s been wearing.

 

If all NBA players must stand for anthem as mark of respect, can league play national anthems of foreign players as mark of respect?

As woman who has been feeling increasingly uncomfortable w/ football over CTE now feel like I must watch to defend civil rights.

Who knew #TonyRomo might have Hall of Fame credentials. As a broadcaster?

As much as I rag on airlines, United for example has had relief shipments to Puerto Rico since last weekend. Maybe Trump White House should, gasp, hire some airline people to improve efficiency.

Many of younger generation may be asking tonight “What was Playboy?” And others are asking “What was a magazine?” #HughHefner.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, asked about Trump’s NFL criticism “”I don’t think there’s much to clarify, it’s pretty black & white.”

#whythereisnosatire

Trump threatened Joe Donnelly that if the Indiana Senator. doesn’t support his tax plan,  Trump will campaign against him. Yeah, that really hurt Roy Moore

 

 

Just guessing that all those in GOP decrying rise of folks like Roy Moore never read Mary Shelley in high school. #Frankenstein

Ikea is buying Taskrabbit.  Oddly enough, if their furniture came pre-assembled, Taskrabbit might never have existed.

White House is investigating Jared & Ivanka’s use of private emails. When done they will probably next investigate Trump’s tax returns.

Students who kneel during anthem can be banned from football. With Betsy Devos they’ll have better chance to play if accused of sexual assault.

Alabama GOP official Gary Head to Toronto reporter Daniel Dale “I believe in Jesus Christ myself and I don’t have any problems with anybody’s religion as long as it’s Christian.I don’t go along with the Muslim religion.”
Jesus wept. Literally.

Trump’s fixation on Puerto Rico being an island you can’t drive trucks to is in keeping with his delusion that a wall will stop immigration.

Steve Scalise, upon his return to the Capitol, praised the officers who saved his life, David Baily and Crystal Griner, saying they are “like family.”
So now would be a good time for Scalise to acknowledge that he was wrong; that Crystal’s marriage is a good thing and her wife is REAL family.

Jared Kushner didn’t tell Senate intel committee he had personal email account. To be fair he was probably agonizing which bathroom to use.

 

#NationalPoetryDay “The best lack all conviction, while the worst. Are full of passionate intensity.” WB Yeats.

On a rare serious note, managed to see the Kent State portion of Ken Burns’ Vietnam, which was sad and compelling.
Remember as a kid, thinking, those people are my babysitters’ ages…and remember being appalled. Still remember all four names. But what we forget, as Burns said in an interview -that ” a majority — a vast majority — of Americans approved of the guardsmen. That there was incredibly cruel hate mail and vilification of the people who died.”
Change takes time.

Barely winning?

September 24, 2017

So all teams in AL over .500 should make MLB playoffs Who do they think they are -the NBA Eastern Conference?

Stanford used four quarterbacks in the first quarter against UCLA. They might only need 1 the rest of the season. #Costello

Open note to Heisman committee: Yeah, that mostly happened after you went to bed. (Bryce Love,  30 carries for 263 yards and a touchdown, Bringing his season total total to 73 carries, 787 yards and five 5 TDs.)

 

You know you’ve been a Saints fan for too long when aren’t able to watch game, but see they lead 17-6 at half & are then shocked to see they not only didn’t blow the lead but won going away.

 

Trump seems happy the Pittsburgh Penguins are coming to the White House. Has someone told him how many of them are immigrants?

 

Well, so maybe Raiders fans shouldn’t make nonrefundable reservations for Minneapolis the first weekend in February quite yet.

 

 

“My first homicide the guy was shot like 40 times.”
 –
So Monday morning will Trump take credit for the best NFL ratings of the season?
While @realDonaldTrump trashed NFL players the leader of the Free World hung on to win re-election #Merkel

Ted Cruz is a “no” on Graham-Cassidy?   Kobe, Pete Carroll, Ray Lewis, Robert Kraft and others are condemning the President’s response on kneeling.  Damn.  Trump has be agreeing with too many people I don’t like.

Many Americans who’ve been turning away from football over concussions & CTE, may start tuning back in over civil rights.

So is it too soon to start a pool on which NASCAR driver will be the first to say he’s disappointed in Trump comments?

 

Think Trump would pay more attention to Puerto Rico if some athletes went down there to #TakeTheKnee?

Trump so fixated on doubling down on anthem thing you’d almost think he was trying to distract us from something. #Jared #Russia #Healthcare

 

New definition of chutzpah – using private emails for govt business after your father-in-law won the White House largely because his opponent did same thing. #jared

So if the leaders of North Korea and Venezuela are so awful shouldn’t we do all we can for anyone trying to get out of those countries?

Finally,  IMHO.  The US Flag stands for the right to protest it. #TakeTheKnee

United we kneel?

September 23, 2017

Give Donald Trump credit. Who else could have united  Lebron James and Warriors.

 

Nerd nation.   The Chicago Bulls’ Robin Lopez,  formerly of Stanford:   “It’s ok , in a few months probably won’t be able to visit the White House either”

 

Waiting seriously for the first white NFL QB to #TakeAKnee during anthem in support of teammates and free speech.

At this point @realDonaldTrump might be rivaling #DanSnyder for the most hated man for sports fans in DC.

Odd thing about Trump tweet is if you wanted to pick NBA star who most appealed to whites would be probably be Steph Curry.

And President Trump. if you want to talk about an NBA player in a tweet now, it should maybe it should be the one spearheading relief efforts in the U.S. Virgin Islands – Tim Duncan.

Good to know w/ all the tough issues facing our country @realDonaldTrump finds time for important things, like attacking Kaepernick & Curry.

NY Giants made a statement against Trump and in support of their players NY Jets said they would not make a statement.  Jets owner Woody Johnson is a friend of Trump and the US ambassador to England. I am sure it’s just a coincidence.

As Trump spends Saturday, trashing sportsmen who disagree w/ him Gregg Popovich has to be thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?” @spurs

Rutgers football got 2 yr probation for “failing to monitor” program. Would be bigger deal if Scarlet Knights had chance in hell for bowls.

So when the Warriors visit Washington DC maybe they can all be invited to Barack Obama’s house?

A New Orleans mayoral candidate using the slogan “Make New Orleans Fun Again” is facing a charge of lewd conduct after allegedly being caught masturbating in a Los Angeles Uber. Well, that’s one definition of fun.

TC points out   “TV ratings for the Chargers and Rams home LA games in NFL week 2 were were brutal. Fans longed for the days when LA did not have any NFL teams and they got the Seahawks and even  the  49er games were beamed in.”

Inspired by friend Rich K. would Trump respect NFL players if instead of taking knee they tried to run people over w/ cars?

 –
Disrespecting country isn’t kneeling for anthem, disrespecting country is tweets trashing athletes while millions suffer in Puerto Rico.

Striving for mediocrity?

September 17, 2017

Forget who’s going to get a win first, the 49ers or Bengals? Who’s going to score a touchdown first?

On a brighter note, neither team is likely to get many penalties for excessive celebration.

With their 3rd field goal today, the 49ers didn’t outscore the Seahawks. But they barely outscored the SF Giants who somehow managed to score 7.

Who knew – Tony Romo is already a seriously good NFL color analyst. This might finally be his ticket for success in the postseason.

The Indians are back on a winning streak.  Meanwhile bigger story in Cleveland is that the Browns actually scored a touchdown.

 

Watching some of games today & thinking maybe it’s that Colin Kaepernick might be too good to be some NFL teams’ quarterback.

Looking ahead to #NFL Week 3 – #Browns vs #Colts . Otherwise known as the “Someone’s got to win Bowl?”

NY Jets players said they were “infuriated” and “demoralized” when Marshawn Lynch did a dance on the sidelines late in Sunday’s game.  Of course, what should really have them infuriated and demoralized is losing to the Raiders by 25.

#Stanford lost the lead and the game to #SDSU after power was restored at SDCCU stadium last night. De-Lighted?

So the real question of the night, after #Emmys who will @realDonaldTrump attack with a tweet at 3am?

Since Sean Spicer sort of admits he lied as Press Secretary,  will the Emmy’s invite Donald Trump some day in future if he admits lying as President?

Seeing Sean Spicer on the Emmy’s makes me long for days when middle-aged white men caught lying for a President went to jail. #Watergate

Just imagining what would have happened if UN Ambassador had explained behavior of Hillary Clinton’s by saying “She gets emotional.”

Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Funny, when I think of President & Elton John it’s more like “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.”

How do we report to Melania Trump anti online-bullying campaign someone is joking about hitting women w/ golf balls? Asking for a country.