Posted tagged ‘NFL jokes’

Lost in translation?

October 16, 2017

 

NFL officiating czar today-“clear & obvious” to overturn Jets 4th quarter TD catch. Time to start checking league officials for concussions?

On resale sites, ticket prices for ALCS game 3 between Astros and Yankees in New York tonight have fallen as low as eighty-nine dollars. So fans can get into game for price of a Yankee Stadium hot dog & beer.

NFLPA now filed for restraining order to block Ezekiel Elliott suspension. If this keeps up suspension won’t take place until Zeke retires.

Tiger Woods has apparently been cleared to resume full golf activity with no restrictions. Does that include waitresses?

 

If the @Spurs knock off the @Warriors as NBA champion this year guessing they won’t be visiting the White House either. #Popovich

And just in case anyone didn’t know. #GreggPopovich, besides being one of greatest coaches ever, is an actual veteran,

Trader Joe’s now has pumpkin-flavored dog treats. So ready for it to be November.

 

Nothing says respect for Judeo-Christian values like nominating someone’s former mistress & now third wife as Ambassador to the Vatican.

 

Interesting how I haven’t heard a peep about Calista Gingrich from those who attack Hillary for enabling her cheating husband.

Think if firefighters started kneeling that Trump would find time for a tweet about California Wildfires?

After saying little on opioids after his August promise pledge to declare a national emergency, Trump now says, “probably next week” he will make a major announcement.
Translation, he’s waiting for the next issue to surface re Jared, Ivanka or Russia so he can make the bigliest distraction.

Trump not only attacked Obama, falsely, about fallen soldiers, he said in his answer about ignoring the men killed in Niger “I’ve actually written letters individually to the soldiers we’re talking about, and they’re going to be going out either today or tomorrow.”

Translation, he’s going to get someone on his staff to write letters immediately for him to sign.

 

Here’s one thing some men just don’t seem to get. Of course both men and women can have a lousy boss and/or get harassed at work. But almost never do men get bullied or harassed just BECAUSE of their gender.

Trump today, when asked why he hasn’t mentioned the 4 US soldiers killed in Niger 12 days ago, said he “planned'” to call their families, but added “So the traditional way, if you look at President Obama and other presidents, most of them, didn’t make calls, a lot of them didn’t make calls, I like to call when it’s appropriate, when I think I’m able to do it.”
He’s not a “f*cking moron,” he’s a “f*cking evil bastard.”

 

In case any reader didn’t see Popovich’s comments today.  And in case anyone wonders why I’m a Spurs fan.

https://www.thenation.com/article/a-soulless-coward-coach-gregg-popovich-responds-to-trump/

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And then there were 8.

October 13, 2017

Congrats to Syracuse and Cal. Would enjoy this more if it didn’t mean more likelihood of 2 SEC teams in the playoffs.

Now can someone beat #Alabama.

 

Two top 10 teams have lost before #CollegeGameDay even starts.

ESPN  called WSU vs Call  “College Football Primetime.” It’s 1:56a on the East Coast.   WTF?

Apparently never bet against Smokey Bears.#Calfootball #CaliforniaWildfires #bustohell

Reminder to all those who want to dump on Dusty Baker. He didn’t tell Jose Labaton to take a long lead off 1st base last night.

Not claiming as a woman sports fan that I know everything. And , maybe not even enough to competently discuss the physicality of routes with Cam Newton. But I sure as hell know that as the tailing runner in a late inning one-run elimination game at HOME you don’t even THINK about the kind of lead that might get you picked off first.

Thank you #Astros & #Yankees for at least temporarily playing something recognizable as good baseball. #ALDS

#ARod now says he used PEDs because he felt “responsibility” to bounce back from injuries since the Yankees had invested so much money in him.   Again, I think,  I like “pushed into a lifeboat”  better.

NFL not moving #Chargers #Raiders game. League feels air will not be that bad, & they don’t need Oakland fans in a couple years anyway.

Weinstein “We all make mistakes.” Uh, a mistake is a bad night, a bad choice, even maybe a bad relationship. Not a decades-long pattern.

Saying young healthy people don’t need good health insurance is like saying no one who hasn’t had an accident needs car insurance.

Trump says he met with “The President of the Virgin Islands.” Can’t wait until November when Donald travels to Hawaii

Trump also proclaimed week of Oct. 15-21 “National Character Counts Week.” In related news , the Pot has proclaimed Oct 15-21 “National Black Kettle Week.”

So if you’re looking on a map is Tanzaynia next to Nambia?

 

Seriously, if Weinstein is just one of many powerful men guilty of criminal behavior then why doesn’t some actress speak up RIGHT NOW if she’s been the victim of someone else? The climate will never be more supportive and maybe we can remove another predator, or two, from a position of power.

Lies, damn lies and Trumpisms.

September 28, 2017

Former University of Florida and current Ohio State coach  Urban Meyer “If you intentionally lie about committing violations, your career is over.” And he said it with a straight face

If Green Bay fans want to give up season tickets over @Packers making statements about racism, sure plenty of younger enlightened fans will take them.

Took decades, but mean bitch Karma finally found a hole in that Teflon coat Rick Pitino’s been wearing.

 

If all NBA players must stand for anthem as mark of respect, can league play national anthems of foreign players as mark of respect?

As woman who has been feeling increasingly uncomfortable w/ football over CTE now feel like I must watch to defend civil rights.

Who knew #TonyRomo might have Hall of Fame credentials. As a broadcaster?

As much as I rag on airlines, United for example has had relief shipments to Puerto Rico since last weekend. Maybe Trump White House should, gasp, hire some airline people to improve efficiency.

Many of younger generation may be asking tonight “What was Playboy?” And others are asking “What was a magazine?” #HughHefner.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, asked about Trump’s NFL criticism “”I don’t think there’s much to clarify, it’s pretty black & white.”

#whythereisnosatire

Trump threatened Joe Donnelly that if the Indiana Senator. doesn’t support his tax plan,  Trump will campaign against him. Yeah, that really hurt Roy Moore

 

 

Just guessing that all those in GOP decrying rise of folks like Roy Moore never read Mary Shelley in high school. #Frankenstein

Ikea is buying Taskrabbit.  Oddly enough, if their furniture came pre-assembled, Taskrabbit might never have existed.

White House is investigating Jared & Ivanka’s use of private emails. When done they will probably next investigate Trump’s tax returns.

Students who kneel during anthem can be banned from football. With Betsy Devos they’ll have better chance to play if accused of sexual assault.

Alabama GOP official Gary Head to Toronto reporter Daniel Dale “I believe in Jesus Christ myself and I don’t have any problems with anybody’s religion as long as it’s Christian.I don’t go along with the Muslim religion.”
Jesus wept. Literally.

Trump’s fixation on Puerto Rico being an island you can’t drive trucks to is in keeping with his delusion that a wall will stop immigration.

Steve Scalise, upon his return to the Capitol, praised the officers who saved his life, David Baily and Crystal Griner, saying they are “like family.”
So now would be a good time for Scalise to acknowledge that he was wrong; that Crystal’s marriage is a good thing and her wife is REAL family.

Jared Kushner didn’t tell Senate intel committee he had personal email account. To be fair he was probably agonizing which bathroom to use.

 

#NationalPoetryDay “The best lack all conviction, while the worst. Are full of passionate intensity.” WB Yeats.

On a rare serious note, managed to see the Kent State portion of Ken Burns’ Vietnam, which was sad and compelling.
Remember as a kid, thinking, those people are my babysitters’ ages…and remember being appalled. Still remember all four names. But what we forget, as Burns said in an interview -that ” a majority — a vast majority — of Americans approved of the guardsmen. That there was incredibly cruel hate mail and vilification of the people who died.”
Change takes time.

Barely winning?

September 24, 2017

So all teams in AL over .500 should make MLB playoffs Who do they think they are -the NBA Eastern Conference?

Stanford used four quarterbacks in the first quarter against UCLA. They might only need 1 the rest of the season. #Costello

Open note to Heisman committee: Yeah, that mostly happened after you went to bed. (Bryce Love,  30 carries for 263 yards and a touchdown, Bringing his season total total to 73 carries, 787 yards and five 5 TDs.)

 

You know you’ve been a Saints fan for too long when aren’t able to watch game, but see they lead 17-6 at half & are then shocked to see they not only didn’t blow the lead but won going away.

 

Trump seems happy the Pittsburgh Penguins are coming to the White House. Has someone told him how many of them are immigrants?

 

Well, so maybe Raiders fans shouldn’t make nonrefundable reservations for Minneapolis the first weekend in February quite yet.

 

 

“My first homicide the guy was shot like 40 times.”
 –
So Monday morning will Trump take credit for the best NFL ratings of the season?
While @realDonaldTrump trashed NFL players the leader of the Free World hung on to win re-election #Merkel

Ted Cruz is a “no” on Graham-Cassidy?   Kobe, Pete Carroll, Ray Lewis, Robert Kraft and others are condemning the President’s response on kneeling.  Damn.  Trump has be agreeing with too many people I don’t like.

Many Americans who’ve been turning away from football over concussions & CTE, may start tuning back in over civil rights.

So is it too soon to start a pool on which NASCAR driver will be the first to say he’s disappointed in Trump comments?

 

Think Trump would pay more attention to Puerto Rico if some athletes went down there to #TakeTheKnee?

Trump so fixated on doubling down on anthem thing you’d almost think he was trying to distract us from something. #Jared #Russia #Healthcare

 

New definition of chutzpah – using private emails for govt business after your father-in-law won the White House largely because his opponent did same thing. #jared

So if the leaders of North Korea and Venezuela are so awful shouldn’t we do all we can for anyone trying to get out of those countries?

Finally,  IMHO.  The US Flag stands for the right to protest it. #TakeTheKnee

United we kneel?

September 23, 2017

Give Donald Trump credit. Who else could have united  Lebron James and Warriors.

 

Nerd nation.   The Chicago Bulls’ Robin Lopez,  formerly of Stanford:   “It’s ok , in a few months probably won’t be able to visit the White House either”

 

Waiting seriously for the first white NFL QB to #TakeAKnee during anthem in support of teammates and free speech.

At this point @realDonaldTrump might be rivaling #DanSnyder for the most hated man for sports fans in DC.

Odd thing about Trump tweet is if you wanted to pick NBA star who most appealed to whites would be probably be Steph Curry.

And President Trump. if you want to talk about an NBA player in a tweet now, it should maybe it should be the one spearheading relief efforts in the U.S. Virgin Islands – Tim Duncan.

Good to know w/ all the tough issues facing our country @realDonaldTrump finds time for important things, like attacking Kaepernick & Curry.

NY Giants made a statement against Trump and in support of their players NY Jets said they would not make a statement.  Jets owner Woody Johnson is a friend of Trump and the US ambassador to England. I am sure it’s just a coincidence.

As Trump spends Saturday, trashing sportsmen who disagree w/ him Gregg Popovich has to be thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?” @spurs

Rutgers football got 2 yr probation for “failing to monitor” program. Would be bigger deal if Scarlet Knights had chance in hell for bowls.

So when the Warriors visit Washington DC maybe they can all be invited to Barack Obama’s house?

A New Orleans mayoral candidate using the slogan “Make New Orleans Fun Again” is facing a charge of lewd conduct after allegedly being caught masturbating in a Los Angeles Uber. Well, that’s one definition of fun.

TC points out   “TV ratings for the Chargers and Rams home LA games in NFL week 2 were were brutal. Fans longed for the days when LA did not have any NFL teams and they got the Seahawks and even  the  49er games were beamed in.”

Inspired by friend Rich K. would Trump respect NFL players if instead of taking knee they tried to run people over w/ cars?

 –
Disrespecting country isn’t kneeling for anthem, disrespecting country is tweets trashing athletes while millions suffer in Puerto Rico.

Striving for mediocrity?

September 17, 2017

Forget who’s going to get a win first, the 49ers or Bengals? Who’s going to score a touchdown first?

On a brighter note, neither team is likely to get many penalties for excessive celebration.

With their 3rd field goal today, the 49ers didn’t outscore the Seahawks. But they barely outscored the SF Giants who somehow managed to score 7.

Who knew – Tony Romo is already a seriously good NFL color analyst. This might finally be his ticket for success in the postseason.

The Indians are back on a winning streak.  Meanwhile bigger story in Cleveland is that the Browns actually scored a touchdown.

 

Watching some of games today & thinking maybe it’s that Colin Kaepernick might be too good to be some NFL teams’ quarterback.

Looking ahead to #NFL Week 3 – #Browns vs #Colts . Otherwise known as the “Someone’s got to win Bowl?”

NY Jets players said they were “infuriated” and “demoralized” when Marshawn Lynch did a dance on the sidelines late in Sunday’s game.  Of course, what should really have them infuriated and demoralized is losing to the Raiders by 25.

#Stanford lost the lead and the game to #SDSU after power was restored at SDCCU stadium last night. De-Lighted?

So the real question of the night, after #Emmys who will @realDonaldTrump attack with a tweet at 3am?

Since Sean Spicer sort of admits he lied as Press Secretary,  will the Emmy’s invite Donald Trump some day in future if he admits lying as President?

Seeing Sean Spicer on the Emmy’s makes me long for days when middle-aged white men caught lying for a President went to jail. #Watergate

Just imagining what would have happened if UN Ambassador had explained behavior of Hillary Clinton’s by saying “She gets emotional.”

Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Funny, when I think of President & Elton John it’s more like “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.”

How do we report to Melania Trump anti online-bullying campaign someone is joking about hitting women w/ golf balls? Asking for a country.

Colin Kaepernick is looking better and better…

June 27, 2017

Vince Young, upset that he hasn’t been signed this year by an NFL team, is complaining that other “garbage” QBs have jobs and he doesn’t. “I hate to name-drop, but [Ryan] Fitzpatrick is still playing!? He leads the league in interceptions, and he’s still f—— getting paid? I mean, what the f— is going on?”
Well, and who would turn down a chance to have a backup QB with that kind of positive attitude in their locker room?

 

A rare bit of good news for  SF Giants.  Madison Bumgarner not only making rehab start in Sacramento – he’s taking batting practice. #pitcherswhorake

Must have been a slow news day in Boston – TSA found a 20-pound live lobster in checked luggage at Logan Airport. Apparently this is legal as long as the crustacean is properly packaged. But how long until someone tries to avoid checked bag fees by calling their lobster a service animal?

In Florida, a man spent 90 days in jail because cops suspected he had cocaine in his truck, which a lab eventually confirmed was white powdered drywall. Of course, since this was Florida suppose the guy has to be grateful he wasn’t shot.

Rick Perry got to the  White House press podium today and seemed like he wanted to stick around. Will he come up w/ 2-3 good reasons why he should be Press Secretary?

A woman is suing a Manhattan bar after she tore her ACL because she said they allowed her to ride their mechanical bull while “visibly intoxicated.”
Isn’t being “visibly intoxicated” a requirement for riding mechanical bulls?#Darwinwouldbeproud

Bruce Bochy with the baseball quote of the year after a Fox Sports story indicating closer Mark Melancon’s ending a stretching session is part of the SF Giants problem this year -. “It’s pole vaulting over mouse turds.”

A flight at a Shanghai airport was delayed after an elderly lady threw coins into the engine for good luck. Your move, Florida.

(Don’t tell people going on Disney rides.)

 

GOP to delay Trumpcare vote until after July 4. If they delay more than 63 days do they have to wait 6 months to try again?

New owners of Toronto Trump Intl Hotel & Tower made deal to have Trump name taken off property. Many wish White House could make same deal.

Ivanka Trump  “I try to stay out of politics” That’s why she chose to leave her business & kids to be “senior advisor to President of US? #WTF?

 

Pretty amazing that the President who continually rails against “Fake News” retweeted FOUR items from “Fox and Friends” this morning.