Posted tagged ‘Emmys jokes’

Striving for mediocrity?

September 17, 2017

Forget who’s going to get a win first, the 49ers or Bengals? Who’s going to score a touchdown first?

On a brighter note, neither team is likely to get many penalties for excessive celebration.

With their 3rd field goal today, the 49ers didn’t outscore the Seahawks. But they barely outscored the SF Giants who somehow managed to score 7.

Who knew – Tony Romo is already a seriously good NFL color analyst. This might finally be his ticket for success in the postseason.

The Indians are back on a winning streak.  Meanwhile bigger story in Cleveland is that the Browns actually scored a touchdown.

 

Watching some of games today & thinking maybe it’s that Colin Kaepernick might be too good to be some NFL teams’ quarterback.

Looking ahead to #NFL Week 3 – #Browns vs #Colts . Otherwise known as the “Someone’s got to win Bowl?”

NY Jets players said they were “infuriated” and “demoralized” when Marshawn Lynch did a dance on the sidelines late in Sunday’s game.  Of course, what should really have them infuriated and demoralized is losing to the Raiders by 25.

#Stanford lost the lead and the game to #SDSU after power was restored at SDCCU stadium last night. De-Lighted?

So the real question of the night, after #Emmys who will @realDonaldTrump attack with a tweet at 3am?

Since Sean Spicer sort of admits he lied as Press Secretary,  will the Emmy’s invite Donald Trump some day in future if he admits lying as President?

Seeing Sean Spicer on the Emmy’s makes me long for days when middle-aged white men caught lying for a President went to jail. #Watergate

Just imagining what would have happened if UN Ambassador had explained behavior of Hillary Clinton’s by saying “She gets emotional.”

Trump calls Kim Jong Un “Rocket Man” Funny, when I think of President & Elton John it’s more like “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.”

How do we report to Melania Trump anti online-bullying campaign someone is joking about hitting women w/ golf balls? Asking for a country.

Rising and falling.

September 19, 2011

Ohio State fell out of the top 25 in the AP college football rankings for the first time since 2004. Of course, with the NCAA investigation the Buckeyes had probably already fallen out of the top 25 as far as player pay scale.


The Boston Red Sox, losers of 11 of their last 14, are now only two games up in the Wild Card race over Tampa Bay. If the Sox hang on, they might become the first MLB team to make the playoffs without showing up for most of April and September.

Cam Newton threw for over 400 yards in each of his first two NFL games. When asked how he seemed so relaxed, Cam allegedly responded “I just pretended I was facing SEC investigators..”


Michael Vick suffered a neck injury and left the Eagles-Falcons game Sunday in the third quarter. Wonder if any Atlanta editor was tempted to use the headline “Dog-gone?”

Jane Lynch, who hosted the Emmys, is unabashedly out of the closet, but doesn’t seem to be the target of much conservative criticism. Is it that America’s actually getting less homophobic? Or are would-be critics just afraid of her?

Alec Baldwin asked that his short skit be totally cut from the Emmys show when Fox nixed a joke about Rupert Murdoch and News Corp.’s phone-hacking scandal. Fox’s response was that the network had been carefully considering the decision since they heard Baldwin discussing the line on the phone last week.

Congratulations to Mariano Rivera who notched his record-tying 601st save yesterday for the Yankees. While Rivera is unquestionably a good closer, there has been some luck involved – if he played for the Royals or Pirates, Mariano might not have had 601 potential wins to save.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn said he is innocent of any “violence or aggression” regarding his tryst with the maid in New York, but acknowledged a “moral weakness.”

I wouldn’t go THAT far, responded Bill Clinton.

Some claim it would take a miracle for President Obama to be re-elected. But really, is that any more unlikely than this? The Washington Redskins and Rex Grossman, 2 and 0.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry is taking some flack for having billed state taxpayers $294,000 for his travel security. But in Perry’s defense, at least half of that was to keep his hair in place.

Lindsey Graham claims that President Obama’s plan to have a minimum tax on millionaires is “class warfare.” Not that it’s likely to happen but some part of me would love to hear Obama respond “Maybe, but so was storming the Bastille.”


Wonder if the New York Yankees will be the first sports team to oppose Obama’s tax hike on millionaires. Not that the team is worried about their players, but the Yankees are concerned the hike will affect their entire season ticket base.

Although that’s probably an overstatement. Even most people who make over $1 million a year can’t afford Yankees season tickets.

Republicans are already denouncing President Obama’s minimum tax for millionaires as “Class Warfare.” Well, if true, this might be the first type of warfare the GOP doesn’t support.

Congrats to Kyle Chandler. “Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.” And if you’ve never heard that phrase before, watch “Friday Night Lights” on DVD. One of those rare television shows that never felt like you were putting your brain (or heart) on hold to watch.