Posted tagged ‘Warriors jokes’

Barely getting by

June 19, 2017

Kevin Durant is reportedly going to turn down a $28 million  player option & sign for $24 million to help Warriors keep Iguodola.    How will he feed his family?

As SF Giants stumble again vs Braves, wonder any way they can reschedule later this week to face teams in College World Series. #fairerfight

Oracle Team USA is getting beaten badly in this year’s America’s Cup. Most Americans are thinking “Wow… what America’s Cup?

 

Martin Shkreli wants judge to cut his bail from $5 million to $2 million. What a great time for PharmaBro to get lesson in market pricing.

Jet Airways is giving free travel for life for to a baby born on one of their flights. Is this really a good idea? Can only imagine how many 8-plus months pregnant women suddenly get an urge to fly.

Sorry to hear of the sad death of Otto Warmbier, 22. Apparently though his father said he went to North Korea with a Chinese tour operator who used slogans like “This is the trip your parents don’t want you to take!”
Sometimes, yes, your parents are right.

Since Trump is so against radical religious terrorism of course he tweeted about awful #FinsburyPark attack. Oh, wait, never mind.

Murder of Muslim teenager in VA will not be investigated as hate crime. Sigh. Have to wonder, what if undocumented person kills a Muslim?

(I wrote this Monday morning. As it turns out, her killer might turn out to be an illegal alien.  On top of how awful and sad her death is, this is really going to make some GOP heads explode.)

7 injured when a fight broke out on Myrtle Beach and man pulled out gun & started firing. Guess we have to reset US mass shooting clock to 0

If  Sean Spicer is fired, what makes us think Trump will even feel the need to replace him with another press secretary?   #whoneedsthepress?

Got to wonder why Trump went to #CampDavid for just one night. Maybe to see if there were any traces of the Obamas he could remove?

Never could get into the Harry Potter series, (gasp,) But may have to try again. JK Rowling tweeted a screen shot of a headline from the Daily Mail, which called the Finsbury Park attacker a “white van driver.”
Her comment “The Mail has misspelled ‘terrorist’ as ‘white van driver Now let’s discuss how he was radicalised.”

Kellyann Conway, about Trump’s tweet that he was being investigated, said that was just his way of saying “Wow, look at the irony here.'”
Uh, with all due respect, does anyone in the planet think Trump knows what irony is? Unless he thinks it’s an adjective like coppery or silvery.

Trump- “#PanamaCanal is doing quite well. I think we did a good job building it.” Now will he want Trump name on the Canal too?

When you are proud of something, you show it off, a new dress, a new baby, a new healthcare bill….#HoldtheFloor

Super and not so super teams.

June 15, 2017

Kevin Durant is insisting Warriors are not a “super team.” Does that mean they want to sign another All-Star for next season?

Jerry West  leaving Warriors for Clippers. Maybe he wants a challenge. Or maybe West just wants to start taking the month of June off.

 

Have been making sarcastic comments about SF Giants looking like 1962 Mets. At this point the 1962 Mets are looking like an upgrade.

 

Still,  why baseball is greatest game, example #3425. In blowout game against Rockies, SF Giants forced to pinch-hit starting pitcher forced to pinch-hit Ty Blach & he gets RBI single.

 

Why baseball is greatest game, example #3426.  SF Giants come back to tie 9-9 being down 9-1 against Rockies  &  Jeff Samardzija pinch hits.

And then the Giants lose, 10-9.  The best of times, the worst of times.

The NCAA D1 Committee on Infractions has put Louisville’s men’s basketball team on probation and suspended coach Rick Pitino for 5 games over a sex-for-pay scandal – “Without dispute, NCAA rules do not allow institutional staff members to arrange for stripteases and sex acts for prospects, enrolled student-athletes and/or those who accompany them to campus,”
Wonder how many other programs are thinking ‘Uh oh.”

Thinking of all those workplace signs “X days without an accident.” Maybe we need to start a national sign “X days without a mass shooting.”

 

No fatalities, fortunately, but 10 people injured today in Midtown Manhattan when a driver lost control of her SUV at a light and jumped a curb. Another reminder that not traveling is no guarantee of safety, and carpe diem.

Trump tweet today” You are witnessing the single greatest WITCH HUNT in American political history.” Well, just guessing he never made a campaign stop in Salem.

Someone should remind @realDonaldTrump that in real witch hunts they threw you in water to see if you drowned. Investigations are nothing.

 

A Secret Service officer who was blocking a street for Trump’s motorcade suffered minor injuries when a car drove into him. Terrorist? Nope, according to reports an Uber driver in a hurry….

 

Russian lobbyist Richard Burt says he did indeed attend dinners hosted by Jeff Sessions, contradicting the AG’s testimony. This whole Trump administration is turning into a he said- he, he, he, he, he, and he said story.

Trump apparently plans to reverse President Obama’s travel policy to Cuba. In a statement – “Further changes will depend entirely on the Cuban government’s willingness to expand the Cuban people’s political freedom, respect their universal rights, and allow freedom of press as well as free and fair democratic elections.”
Did they type that last phrase with a straight face?

Well, a nice statement to pass on for a change “There is so much you do that I disagree with. But you have long since earned my respect, and you deserve to be heard, and you are an honorable individual.” GOP Texas Rep. Jeb Hensarling to DEM California Rep. Maxine Waters.

While we talk about ratcheting down the hate in this country, a good place to start might be in honoring Crystal Griner, the Capitol policewoman who helped take down the Virginia gunman and no doubt saved lives, while being shot and injured herself.
Ms. Griner is married, to another woman. #Chooselove

 

Rant time. First, I hope Steve Scalise recovers fully. No one should be shot over politics. Although I find his past efforts for a constitutional amendment against gay marriage, and a fight to exempt states from now honoring them, to be abhorrent. But some conservatives might question why I posted about the fact that one of the police officers who saved Steve Scalise’s is a black lesbian married woman. It’s not just “identity politics” or even the appreciation of irony.
Here’s a simple statement. Crystal Griner herself was shot. Without gay marriage, her WIFE might not be able to visit her in the hospital. That is wrong. That is all.

Unstoppable?

June 13, 2017

 

At this point Warriors look like such a juggernaut that only thing that could derail them is a couple players starting to date Kardashians.

Rumors that Golden State turned down White House invite but team says they have not been asked. Anyone think you’ll ever see Kerr & Trump together?

Have to wonder, someone spent $133,000 for courtside seats to @NBAfinal17 game 5, when same teams expected back next year? #gameofalifetime?

 

 

In a “one & done” college basketball world should we be shocked players want to move to a super team to get an instant win?

 

Yasiel Puig gave the finger today to fans booing him. Who does he think he is, Mr Met?

In Oklahoma, two inmates who had been recaptured after escaping from jail three months ago through a ventilation system, have escaped again. This time with two others. Through the same ventilation system.
In related news, El Chapo has asked to be extradited to Oklahoma.

A 33-yr-old woman was arrested at JFK Airport in a motorized wheelchair with a cushion filled with cocaine. What was their first clue, that the chair was traveling about 60 MPH?

Marissa Mayer is walking away from Yahoo with a nearly $260 million golden parachute. Well, that should be enough for her to tout her leadership experience in a run for California governor.

Wow. Just wow. SF Chronicle reporting that at an Uber board meeting to address unprofessional conduct and harrassment of women, board member Dvid Bonderman “joked” that adding female board members would make it “much more likely there’ll be more talking.” #clueless

Jeff Sessions “I am not stonewalling.” To quote Princess Bride “I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

Just wondering, would GOP treat @KamalaHarris with any more respect if she body slammed a FoxNews reporter?

Remember those innocent days when #DennisRodman was the craziest American who would go aboard to talk with a foreign leader?

Today @realDonaldTrump blocked @StephenKing & @VoteVets on Twitter. Stand up to ISIS? Trump can’t even stand up to critical tweets.
.

 

Trump  says the  House Trumpcare version  is “mean”, and that he wants a Senate version with more “heart.” Translation, don’t care what you do if I can spin it as win.

Listening to Jeff Sessions drawl on about not really remembering meetings etc.  half-expected to hear him say he & Trump “have always relied on the kindness of (Russian) strangers.

It’s not easy being green

May 8, 2017

Draymond Green complaining on watching Eastern Conf. playoffs “I thought teams would compete a little harder.” On the eve of the Warriors being about to sweep.

More Draymond Green complaining  – saying this morning that Kelly Olynyk is a “dirty player.” Well, he should be an expert on the subject.

Baseball is supposed to be fun, right? @SFGiants

The grounds crew had to clean up hail from Coors Field before tonight’s Rockies-Cubs game. Now it’s hail? After last night’s 18 inning loss,. Cubs at this point have to next be expecting a plague of locusts.

Tim Tebow signed a contract extension with ESPN as a college football analyst. This apparently doesn’t affect Tebow’s minor league deal with the Mets. And even if Tebow gets called up, not like the Mets will be playing into the fall anyway.

New York Jets WR Robby Anderson was apparently arrested for felony “resisting arrest with violence” and an obstruction of justice charge Sunday at a Miami musical festival. Once again, the NFL trying to take NY headlines from the Mets?

Conflicting stories over if giant rabbit Simon died on United flight from London or if he was frozen upon landing. Somebunny’s going to pay.

Only way mystery of giant bunny’s death in care of United Airlines could be any more bizarre was if rabbit was named Roger.

Has there ever been a person who stood up to Trump who he didn’t attack personally afterwards? #SallyYates

Republicans talking about a witch hunt may be distracted by their tall black hats flopping in their faces.

Major tweet-storm from @realDonaldTrump on today’s hearings with #SallyYates Seems like someone is veddy veddy angry.

Twitter is down. Apparently Trump changing his profile header picture to a denial that he had any connections with Russia broke the internet.

So it’s Obama’s fault Flynn had security clearance in 1st place, but not his credit for warning Trump not to hire him? #WTF #Trumplogic

Well, of course it’s Obama’s fault that Trump hired Flynn. A real leader would have communicated the warning by Twitter.

What’s the mystery why Trump hired his NSA despite so many warnings? Not hiring Flynn would admit someone knew more than him.

Reminder today of why #LindseyGraham said “If you killed Ted #Cruz on floor of Senate & the trial was in Senate, nobody would convict you.”

From Marc Ragovin   “Former New York Rangers radio announcer Howie Rose on the French election: Macron!, Macron!, Macron!”

Watch and learn

March 12, 2017

Yeah, even rich superstars face tough decisions. Draymond Green, unhappy at some calls in last night’s Warriors loss, said he thought about speaking out and getting a $25,000 fine from the league. But he decided to keep his mouth shut and buy a fancy watch instead.

 

Lots of people who will start working on brackets will be united tomorrow in 1 thought “UC Davis HAS a men’s basketball team? #marchmadness

Thinking #Duke #NotreDame might have tied an NCAA record as far as a basketball game where most viewers wanted to see both teams lose.

How many casual NBA fans turned on tonight’s nationally televised game & say “Wait, thought this was @Warriors @Spurs Who are these guys?

And who knew the guy who would REALLY make Northern California proud tonight  in the Spurs Warriors game was St. Mary grad Patty Mills?

 

In Sacramento a woman was arrested for felony vandalism after driving her SUV this morning through the front doors of the county jail. Well, give her points for police convenience.

Pope Francis, acknowledging a shortage of priests, has indicated openness to allowing married men to be ordained. So for all his progressiveness, still better a married man than a celibate woman?

Federal prosecutor Preet Bharara, who was asked personally by Trump to stay on three months ago, today was fired after he refused a sudden demand from AG Sessions to resign.
Well, this ought to make anyone about to make a deal with this administration feel warm and fuzzy.

Why do I think we haven’t heard the last of #PreetBharara? Paging mean bitch Karma.

Trump was regularly critical of Obama for playing golf. Guess he thinks Presidents should only play golf on courses they own?

Who says Presidents don’t have tough decisions. With #daylightsavings Trump will have to choose whether to tweet at 2a or 3am tonight.

An intruder who apparently jumped the White House fence last night around told police he had an appointment with Donald Trump. So maybe he was there to help the President with his Twitter account?

 

 

Due to intruder last night White House reportedly placed under temporary “orange alert.” Uh, hasn’t it been on orange alert since Jan 20?

 

 

Trump this afternoon praised the Secret Service for doing — a “fantastic job” apprehending a “troubled person” approaching the White House this morning.
Especially as most of the President’s Oval Office meetings are already full up on troubled persons.

Fighting for air?

February 8, 2017

Patriots RB James White says he doesn’t know what happened to the football he scored the winning touchdown with in Super Bowl 51. “I actually don’t know what I did with it. I left it on the ground and started running.”
Well, at least there’s no way for the NFL to check if the ball was deflated.

Falcons have picked interim Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian as  their new OC. Does Atlanta know Alabama was winless in the Sarkisian area?

Golden State Warriors are rewarding their loyal season ticket holders with a 15-25% price increase next season. But just imagine how inexpensive 2017-2018 tickets will seem compared to those in the new SF arena.

 

 

A United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Kauai today developed autopilot problems and circled for hours before landing back at SFO more than 3 hours after takeoff. Now for the really important question, did passengers get extra miles for all that circling?

Hate to say it but #DeVos incompetency might limit her damage. What if Trump replaced her w/ smarter person w/ same view

While we’re changing all the rules in this country can we eliminate the 22nd amendment?

Trump this morning starts out a tweet with “I don’t know Putin, have no deals in Russia….” Does he type these with a straight face?

Trump tweeted today that he doesn’t know Putin. But in a 2013 MSNBC interview he said “I do have a relationship” with Putin.
No wonder Trump hates the media; they have this bad habit of reporting on what he says.

So Betsy Devos is now our Secretary of Education. Yeah, maybe our schools have been wrong in teaching children about the value of study and hard work as far as getting ahead. They should be teaching “How to marry a billionaire.”

Would be interesting to see how many Senators actually went or sent their children to public schools. #DeVosvote

Don’t just get mad, VOTE. Especially in school board elections. #DeVosvote

 

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you elect a reality TV star to Congress. Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy (The Real Life: Boston, & Road Rules): “Look at Gabby Giffords. The Marxist, who took her life, a leftist guy, and now you see violence and terror in the streets all across America.

So Green Eggs and Ham is acceptable reading on the Senate floor but a letter from Coretta Scott King is not? #WTF?

Trump thinks “California is out of control.” Where do I get the “Out of Control Nasty California Woman T-Shirt”?

Or – “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted,” Where’s the t-shirt?  I want one of those too.

At last?

January 18, 2017

Adam Schefter of ESPN reports 49ers will offer their coaching job to Kyle Shanahan after the Falcons’ season has ended. So guess Kyle has to decide if he’s already had enough of playoff pressure.

Actually, Jed York DOES know it was Kyle’s dad Mike who won those Super Bowls, right?

 

 

Redskins owner owner Dan Snyder attended a gala pre-inaugural dinner in DC, along  with Trump, Pence, and Kellyanne Conway.  And of course he’s happy, with Trump moving into the White House, Snyder is longer most hated man in town.

Lebron James said that the Cavs and Warriors aren’t rivals, just “two great teams that have aspirations.” Draymond Green disagrees ”
“Yeah, I think this is a rivalry.” Well, at least it’s nice to have an argument make any sort of headlines these days that isn’t political.

 

In Colorado, a 24-year old Maserati salesman died this weekend in a single-car crash shortly after posting video of himself Facebook Live video of himself driving one of the cars at 111 mph.
Guess he’s the front-runner for 2017’s most expensive Darwin?

Headline “McDonald’s just made a major change to the Big Mac.” Ok, who but me thought saw this and thought – “They’re adding meat?

A DC hair stylist has gone public after Marla Maples asked her to waive her fees to do her & Tiffany’s hair for the inaugural in exchange for “exposure on social media.” Marla’s contact wrote the stylist that she is “messing with the president of the United States, as Maples’ child-support is ending now that Tiffany is 22, and “She is used to a certain lifestyle and you don’t understand that.”
Tragic, really.

Gloria Allred held a press conference this morning with a woman who has accused Trump of sexual assault. And the alleged victim will be filing a lawsuit against the President-Elect.
Yep, you definitely see why Ringling Bros is shutting down. They really can’t compete.

#TrumpHistoryLecture Lincoln, overrated. I’d have freed the slaves without a war. And I’d have never wasted time with a silly play.

In an interview this weekend, President-elect Trump said that NATO was “obsolete.” And we thought as tourists in Europe we’ve been “ugly Americans before….

Sen. Patty Murray today asked Secretary of Education nominee Betsy DeVos if she would commit to keeping funding for public schools intact.
Her response “I look forward, if confirmed, to talking about how we address the needs of all parents and all students.”
Although to be fair, based on 2016 election results, you could argue that U.S. public education isn’t working.

#BetsyDeVos‘s confirmation hearing performance didn’t do much to advance myth of superiority of a private school education.

Trump tweet today that “people are pouring into DC in record numbers.” Ah okay, so that’s why my travel agency computer shows all these hotel rooms available – some at normal reasonable prices.
#hedidntsaywhatkindofrecord