Posted tagged ‘Bieber jokes’

Monday night musings

December 5, 2016

LeBron James and some of his teammates have found alternate accommodations next week in Manhattan rather than stay at the Trump Soho in rooms booked by the team.
Standby for anti-Cavs tweets from our President Elect in 3.2.1….

Not only should he make the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Adam Vinatieri making strong push for AARP Hall of Fame.

As rough as tonight was for #Jets fans, good news is on the horizon. Next week New York plays the #49ers

Seeing tickets for many of these lesser bowl games going for well under cost and less than regular season games for many teams, can’t help but wonder, since it’s all about the $$$$, why not turn them into a playoff system? Can’t really be the idea that athletes need to go to class….

Justin Bieber said he will go on his first American stadium tour in August, with stops in Pasadena, Foxboro, Minneapolis, Denver, and the Meadowlands. Haven’t blue states suffered enough?,

Narendra Modi won the TIME Person of the Year Poll. Forget the controversy, millions of Americans are going “Who?

A woman went into labor and gave birth on a 3p Southwest flight from Philadelphia to Orlando. The plane diverted at 430p to Charleston to drop off the parents and baby at a local hospital, then continued to Orlando to arrive only an hour late.
Men are thinking “only an hour late, impressive.” Women are thinking. “labor and delivery under an hour and a half , REALLY impressive.”

Donald Trump “If the press would cover me accurately & honorably, I would have far less reason to “tweet.” Sadly, I don’t know if that will ever happen!”
Well ,yeah, the evil press keeps reporting every thing Trump says #howdarethey?.

Trying to imagine reaction had Hillary Clinton won election & made it clear Chelsea & Marc Mezvinsky were going to be her top White House advisors?

Police have dangerous job; I sympathize. But what did video need to show for Michael T. Slager to be convicted of murder of #WalterScott ?

Safeway is touting a program to “end hunger” by asking customers to donate this Holiday season. At the same time the Los Altos Safeway has 1-2 of 10 checkouts manned by a human, and about 8 “self-checkout” lanes. Wonder how many people in need of donations this year had jobs as cashiers last year?

Now Trump has picked #BenCarson as Secretary of HUD, despite Carson’s lack of experience. Did Trump figure “Well, it’s not brain surgery?”

So with Ben Carson as HUD Secretary will we solve some inner-city problems by building housing in pyramids that double as food storage facilities?

Some high school student asked San Antonio coach Gregg Popovich if his team is going to win it all this year.

here.

(courtesy Darren Rovell on Twitter.)  And some wonder why I root for the Spurs.

Not with a whimper but three bangs?

July 29, 2016

SF Giants announcer Mike Krukow referred tonight to the Giants’ “inning ending triple play.”  Yeah, that’s the worst kind.  #redundant

So many ‪#‎SFGiants‬ hitters are beyond due that the clubhouse should start stocking pitocin.

Time for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ to get it together, no more ‪#‎RNC‬ & ‪#‎DNC‬ conventions to distract us anymore from their recent awfulness.

Justin Bieber reportedly turned down $5 million offer to perform at an event during last week’s GOP convention. Well, makes sense, we all know how careful Bieber is to avoid embarrassing things that might hurt his image.

 

Today @realDonaldTrump said he has best temperament of anyone who’s ever run for President. ‪#‎Idonotthinkthatwordmeanswhatyouthinkitmeans‬.

A Florida man is planning to sue after he spent 10 hours in jail when a police officer thought he had flakes of crystal meth on the floor of his car. It turned out to be glaze crumbs from Krispy Kreme
What is this world coming to when police cannot recognize doughnuts?

Olympic rower Megan Kalmoe on the upcoming Rio Olympics: “I will row through s–t for you, America.” As long as none of these victorious rowers toss their coxswains in the water.

The IRS is investigating Facebook’s having moved assets to their Irish subsidiary to avoid taxes, and the company said they could end up owing $3-5 billion. Two words – “more ads.”

Florida Governor Rick Scott has rejected federal money for high-speed rail, rejected Obamacare funding to expand Medicaid and criticized the President at every turn. Now with Zika cases in the state, “The federal government needs to show up and do their part.”
And Obama’s got to be thinking “What part?

Donald Trump tweeted in 2012 “Mike Bloomberg is doing a great job as Mayor of New York City. Ray Kelly is a great Police Commissioner. Mike Bloomberg.”
Wow, the Donald turns on some of these people so fast you’d think he used to be married to them.

Trump tweeted Hillary is “owned by Wall Street.” Spoken by someone whose response to being owned is just to declare bankruptcy?

Donald Trump yesterday said that watching the DNC made him want to “hit a number of those speakers so hard, their heads would spin.”
So if elected the Donald would sure make the USA popular at things like the G8 and other summits.

#‎WholeFoods‬ stock fell 9 percent yesterday. Wow. How often do you see a price of anything Whole Foods drop?

(assist to paul lander on the wording)

The Martins have traded for Andrew Cashner and Colin Rea. So they’re bolstering their rotation for an October playoff run and a November sell-off.

Dallas LB Damien WIlson will miss the beginning of training camp with an eye injury he suffered playing paintball. The Cowboys aren’t thrilled, but have to figure better another injury than another arrest.

Donald Trump, unhappy about Hillary’s speech last night “I’ve been nice,But after watching that performance last night — such lies — I don’t have to be so nice anymore. I’m taking the gloves off.”
And he said it with a straight face.

 

A 16 year old boy is in custody in Houston after police say he fatally shot his parents, former player Antonio Armstrong and his wife Dawn, late last night. His siblings were also in the house but unarmed. No apparent motive. So just another Texas case of guns keeping people safer.

Standing your wall?

June 17, 2016
Blue Jays’ slugger Jose Bautista is on the DL after a collision with the wall today. Wonder if the wall says Bautista flipped his bat at it?

How many other ‪#‎MLB‬ announcers would refer to weather conditions inside the ‪#‎Rays‬ Tropicana Dome as “sublime?”. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎JonMiller

 

After last night forget the Warriors and Cavs; Many Americans would like to see a match between Gisele Bundchen and Ayesha Curry. ‪#‎standbyyourman‬

 

The Oakland Police Department has lost its third chief in nine days (all through firings or forced resignations.). Wow. The Bay Area may have finally found a job that makes being coach of the SF 49ers look secure by comparison.

Oops. While performing in Canada last night, Justin Bieber disappeared from stage when he fell through a trap door. Even worse, he came back.

The Westboro Baptist Church is planning to picket some of the funerals of Orlando shooting victims. Can’t someone tell ISIL that the WBC church is decorated with pictures of Mohammad?

Suggestion from a friend, while the Westboro Baptist Church is in Orlando picketing funerals, maybe they can do some baptisms in Disney lagoons. ‪#‎bustohell‬.

Wells Fargo, UPS, Motorola, JPMorgan Chase, Ford and Walgreens have all opted out of sponsoring the GOP convention. Maybe because Donald Trump is over-the-top even for some corporations, or maybe because they figure they’ll get more good free publicity for opting out than they would paid publicity for staying in.

Vladimir Putin was asked by CNN about his reportedly calling Donald Trump “brilliant,” “outstanding” and “talented.” Putin responded “I only said he was a bright person. Isn’t he bright?”
Next expect the Russian leader to claim he only meant the the furry thing that lives on Trump’s head is bright and shiny.

Microsoft is adding Kind Financial, a cannabis-focused data management company onto its specialized Azure cloud platform. Makes sense. the more marijuana people smoke or otherwise imbibe, the mellower they will be about Microsoft’s computer issues.

 

Donald Trump, on the ‪#‎Orlando‬ killings, if “one of the people in that room happened to have (a gun) and goes boom. You know what, that would have been a beautiful, beautiful sight, folks.”
Uh, except that the club had armed security, and the guard’s gun DID go “boom” and it didn’t matter.
So the Donald is proposing that people should all be armed with at least semi-automatic weapons?

Finally.

 

Reasonable gun control will not stop reasonable people from having reasonable guns. That is all.

Not the Grey Cup either…

May 1, 2016

Toronto Raptors’ Kyle Lowry on today’s game 7. “This is like our Super Bowl, win or go home.” Uh, so maybe Lowry isn’t a big NFL fan, but has someone told him after the Super Bowl both teams go home?

 

The New York Yankees, at 8-15, are in the cellar of the AL East. No punchline, I just like writing it.

So wait a minute, there are no Canadian teams in the NHL playoffs but one in the NBA playoffs? Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.

The White House has put forward proposals to make it easier for federal, state and local agencies to buy “smart guns” that only operate for certain users. The NRA is of course against it, saying the concept is “unproven” and “causes us great concern”. Because of course nothing ever goes wrong now with stolen law enforcement guns. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Some are already grading this year’s NFL draft picks by team. Yep, the same experts who had this year’s Super Bowl between the Seahawks or Packers, and the Colts or the Patriots.

Congrats to ‪#‎MaliaObama‬ who will be attending ‪#‎Harvard‬. Wonder if that means she didn’t get into ‪#‎Stanford‬?

Donald Trump, going after Hillary last week called her “one of the all time great enablers.” Of course, Trump’s wives are never enablers, he just trades them in for younger models first.

Justin Bieber posted a picture of himself petting a tiger while the big cat was on a leash. Ok, be honest, how many other people were hoping for an equipment malfunction?

Another thought about this bathroom insanity. Something like 90% of children who are sexually abused, are abused by someone they know. So where are the fear mongers about friends and relatives taking children into bathrooms?

 

Talking with friends yesterday after the Correspondents dinner, mentioned that I once wrote a joke that made then Senator Obama laugh.   They suggested  I post it.

In 2007  was able to meet him briefly on a rope line.
Said, “Senator, people say you’re the rock star of the Democratic party, but you’re too young to be president. But I’m looking at these concert tours for the Who, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones. And thinking you’re plenty old enough to be President. But you are not old enough to be a rock star.”

(he not only laughed he said I might be right, and he had all their records.)

The name of the game?

April 27, 2016

Okay, if you had someone who had never watched baseball before  last night’s SF Giants’ 1-0 win, a Johnny Cueto complete game gem. And then they watched today’s 13-9 game…. well, it would be very hard to explain to them that it’s the same sport.

 

 

#‎NBA‬ worried about ‪#‎AllStar‬ game in ‪#‎NorthCarolina‬, but no one figured they’d need to worry about 2nd or 3rd round playoff games ‪#‎Hornets‬

#‎Rockets‬ don’t just look like they don’t belong on floor with ‪#‎Warriors‬, Houston looks like they don’t belong on floor with ‪#‎Villanova‬.

Justin Bieber picked the Cleveland Cavaliers to win the NBA title. That might be the best news the Warriors, Thunder and Spurs have heard all week.

He stays, he goes, he stays, he goes…? Apparently 49ers GM Trent Baalke still won’t rule out trading Colin Kaepernick this week. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dudes, make up your minds.”

Emily Pitha, a fundraiser for John McCain’s Senate re-election campaign fundraiser, has been arrested in Arizona for a meth lab with LSD, cocaine, heroin, counterfeit cash and bomb-making materials. And who’d a thunk McCain would ever associate with a woman he hadn’t properly vetted.

Donald Trump  accuses Hillary of playing the “woman card.” Ted Cruz picks Carly Fiorina, thereby playing the “madwoman card.”

Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?

Ted Cruz has apparently picked  Carly Fiorina as his running mate. The only person who could make Cruz look likeable by comparison?

So have to wonder, if Cruz wanted to add a woman to his proposed ticket, why not someone like Nikki Haley, who most people like and respect even if they don’t agree with her.
Hmm, of course maybe he did ask and Haley is smart enough to have said “NFW.”

Ted Cruz has picked Carly Fiorina for his running mate should he win the nomination. Hmm, wonder who Ben Stiller has picked for his speechwriter should he win an Oscar for Zoolander 2?

Ted Cruz last night, referencing Hoosiers “The amazing thing is that basketball ring here in Indiana, it’s the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in this country.”
Standby for Cruz’s next speech where he talks about getting into the boxing hoop with Donald Trump.

Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?

 

 

 

 

End of a purple reign

April 21, 2016

Wolf Blitzer just referred to ‪#‎Prince‬‘s most famous song “Purple Haze.” If #Prince wasn’t dead this might have killed him.

 

Justin Bieber on Prince “He’s not the last greatest living performer.” As if that might be true of Bieber if he were last man on earth?

Trying to wrap my head around if Elvis had died during our social media era. Would have really truly broken the internet.

Next year’s Grammy’s “In Memoriam” segment has been extended by at least an hour.

Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.

My friend Rich de Give points out that “in Canada, they’ve already named the $1 coin in honor of native son Ted Cruz.”

Rich de Give
Rich de Give They’ve already named the Canadian $1 coin for native son Ted Cruz.

So has the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ offense decided to sit games out in sympathy with an injured ‪#‎StephCurry‬?

 

OK, ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans, does tonight really mean anything other than a little good news for game 5 ticket holders at ‪#‎Oracle‬ next week?

‪#‎DwightHoward‬ is likely to leave the ‪#‎Rockets‬ in free agency. So ‪#‎Knicks‬, ‪#‎Bulls‬, ‪#‎Lakers‬, what team will Dwight underachieve at next?

Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.

Donald Trump said if he is elected and the DOJ decides not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over her emails, he would instigate another probe “You have to do it. You have to take a second look,’ Right, because Trump did so well with Obama’s birth certificate?

A ‪#‎Prince‬ may have died today but Britain’s ‪#‎Queen‬ celebrated a 90th birthday. Congrats to her Majesty. & no we aren’t taking Elton John.

When you give Jake ‪#‎Arrieta‬ 16 runs he is pretty much unstoppable. ‪#‎Cubs

Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.

 

Sears Holdings just announced that it will close 68 Kmart and 10 Sears stores. Shocking. Sears and Kmart still have stores?

Apparently new bills authorizing FAA require airlines to refund checked baggage fees if bags are delayed 6-24 hours. (House and Senate versions differ.) Well, who says there is no bipartisan agreement in this country? ‪#‎everybodyhatesairlines‬

 

 

Okay, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse: “Leave it the way it is…..There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate — there has been so little trouble.” This sane comment actually brought to you by Donald Trump?!

 

 

 

Can we have a moment of realism with all this bathroom insanity? I remember some horrific bathroom crimes, a rape and murder of a teacher in Massachusetts, a little girl killed in a Nevada casino…. no doubt there are others. Don’t remember ANY of the bad guys being transgender.

 

 

Born lucky?

January 9, 2016

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” has now made Harrison Ford the highest-grossing actor in US box office history. Of course, the way this franchise is going, #2 might be the guy who plays Chewbacca.

Florida congressman Alan Grayson says he will sue over Canadian-born Ted Cruz’s eligibility to be President if Cruz wins the GOP presidential nomination. And somewhere in D.C.Barack Obama is just giggling.

Justin Bieber was kicked out of the archaeological site, Tulum, after he reportedly showed up with beer cans, tried to climb off-limits ruins, and took a selfie with his underpants down. Following upon the antics of Ethan Couch, Mexico’s going to start thinking seriously about that border fence. ‪#‎affluenza‬

The “Affluenza” teen’s mom Tonya Couch has according to a Texas sheriff, “expressed a slight displeasure about her accommodations” in jail. “I feel so sorry for her,” said absolutely, positively, nobody.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott now wants to amend the U.S. Constitution so that states can ignore the Federal government. Fine, does that also mean the Feds are off the hook for those states’ disaster relief?

Prolia, a drug to fight osteoporosis in post-menopausal women, does television commercials with the usual laundry-list of fine print warnings. Including this one – “do not take Prolia if you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant.” ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬

The stock market just had its worst week ever to start a year. But the jobs report said the U.S. added 2.65 million jobs in 2015, its 2nd best year since 1999. So I think I’ve figured it out: The former is all Obama’s fault, the latter had nothing to do with him

A man who ate nothing but Chipotle for 186 days says he has cut back to occasional meals there now. Who knew, these days McDonald’s seems like the healthy option?

Chris Christie, who in 1995 campaigned for NJ State Senate as a supporter of an assault weapons ban. Now he says he’s “changed his mind.”
You know, I’d believe these folks a little more if they ever changed their minds in a way that didn’t put them more in line with their party’s base.

DeSean Jackson on the Eagles’ firing coach Chip Kelly: “I’m a firm believer that bad karma comes back on you.” And so will Ms. Karma make sure Kelly ends up with the 49ers next?

As of Jan 1, licensed gun owners in Texas can now openly carry guns into state mental hospitals. Your move, Florida. ‪#‎whatcouldpossiblygowrong‬

#ElChapo‬ has been caught again in Mexico. Too soon to start a pool on the date of his next jail break?

 

But really, so they are putting El Chapo back into the exact last jail he escaped from? Even in Florida they are saying “Are you nuts?”

 

 

 

 

Maine Governor Paul LePage, ranting about Maine’s drug problem and blaming traffickers: “These are guys with the name D-Money, Smoothie, Shifty … they come from Connecticut and NY, they come up here, they sell their heroin, they go back home ..half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave, which is a real sad thing because then we have another issue we have to deal with down the road.”

Wow., that’s offensive enough you have to wonder if LePage has dreams of being Trump’s running mate.

What me worry? Coors Field safe leads and other myths.

September 3, 2014

coors

Leads are so unsafe at Coors Field that you don’t even need a voodoo cat.  But one can help.   (SF Giants down 6-0, won 12-7)

Meanwhile, anyone seen the #CoorsField humidor repairman? #SFGiants #Rockies

ESPN reporting the Cowboys are is bringing in Michael Sam for a physical Wednesday, and they hope to sign him to the Dallas practice squad. Not sure who will have a harder time, Cowboys fans who are homophobic and can’t stand the idea of rooting for a gay man, or gay-friendly liberals who can’t stand the idea of rooting for Dallas.

The NY Yankees announced that the entire team will wear a patch honoring Derek Jeter’s final-season logo on their hats and uniforms from Sept. 7 through the end of the season. Gosh. I know I’ve been busy and probably missed the initial coverage, but just how many months does poor Jeter have left to live?

From Alex Kaseberg.  “The New York Yankees will mark the rest of the year by wearing Derek Jeter patches on their hats and uniforms. In addition, the clubhouse will feature Alex Rodriguez toilet paper.”

No joke, the owner of a shooting range where a 9 year old girl accidentally killed her instructor with an Uzi said shooting the gun was “something that was high on her bucket list to do.” A bucket list? At 9? Maybe because with this kind of stupidity from her parents none of them will live to be old?

Another air rage incident over reclining seats results in a plane being diverted, this time Delta. Of course, the airlines could avoid these issues by putting their seats far enough apart for average humans…. Or more likely they’ll start training their flight crews in the use of handcuffs.

The state of Colorado isn’t taking in as much in taxes on legalized marijuana as expected. On the other hand, law enforcement costs must be down. And is the state figuring in taxes from increased tourism, and sales taxes on junk food?

SF 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh was asked if he had a comment on the 49ers’ NFL-leading 10 arrests since 2012, and responded, “We’re going to do everything in our power to make sure there isn’t a pattern forming.” Uh, coach, there’s ALREADY a pattern forming.

Stanford beat UC Davis 45-0 last Saturday and fell two places in the Coaches’ Poll. Clearly they should have held the Aggies to negative points.

The NFL has apparently suspended Wes Welker four games for use of amphetamines. Let the “tainted supplement” whining begin, again.

So the story is that Wes Welker allegedly took MDMA (Molly) while attending the Kentucky Derby in May. How stupid can he be if so. The official mind-altering drug of choice during the Derby is always the Mint Julep.

 

It’s now the “USA Today AMWAY Top 25 Coaches Poll.” Once again, can’t imagine how college football players get the idea playing the sport should be about money.

My friend Jon N. says “Actually, Amway only named the top five. Then each of those five had to select five. Then, by adding more levels, everyone enjoys greater success!

Justin Bieber was arrested again this weekend while vacationing  in Ontario, Canada. Bieber was charged for dangerous driving and assault after his ATV allegedly collided with a minivan. Clearly another international incident that is a failure of Obama’s leadership…. Time to secure that Northern Border.

Lost and Found.

May 14, 2014

An underwater explorer believes he has found and identified the wreck of Christopher Columbus’ flagship, the Santa Maria. And CNN responded “How are you on planes?”

 

The Los Angeles Clippers played that last minute of their playoff game like they just want to go home and stop dealing with basketball. Can’t imagine why.

Donald Sterling’s most recent interview talking about Magic Johnson is a perfect paraphrase for an old adage. Better to be thought an ignorant a**hole, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

The #Pacers are playing some of these NBA playoff games like a team with nonrefundable vacation plans for Memorial Day weekend. #Wizards

 

The widow of the driver in the crash that killed Paul Walker is suing Porsche. Guess she thinks they should have built something into the car to keep it from going 94 MPH on city streets?

Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg and Mets 1b Lucas Duda said they think a hamburger from Shake Shack at Citi Field gave them food poisoning this weekend. Is that going to be the Yankees’ excuse?.

 

Justin Bieber now being investigated for attempted robbery? So is it robbery when you sell CD’s and downloads that are allegedly music?

A thought about some of these people who were uncomfortable with Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend. Have to wonder if there would have been the same reaction had say, a very attractive WNBA draftee kissed her equally attractive girlfriend?

Rutgers dismissed incoming QB Philip Nelson, who has been charged with assault for allegedly critically injuring another man by kicking him in the head. Wonder how good a QB Nelson is, which might determine how quickly some other team will call him a “troubled young man” and give him another chance

The latest rumor on Stan Van Gundy is that he may take the Pistons job, and that he will get a fair amount of operations and personnel control. The most disappointed people? Comedy writers who were hoping he’d sign on with the Golden State Warriors and Joe Lacob with that expectation.

Fox News reports that a UCLA professor is alleging racial bias in admissions in favor of African-Americans. The current enrollment at the university is 1,082 African-American/Black, or 3.8% of the total. Counting athletes. If admissions is really trying to be biased they’re not doing much of a job.

 

Fortunately, there were no injuries Tuesday at the Seattle Airport when passengers were deplaning a Southwest flight and a jet bridge dropped several feet. United would have charged them a “thrill ride” fee.

Teddy Bridgewater, who seems like a nice young man, is now saying he didn’t want to be drafted by the Browns. What’s the point of that statement? Just gives another team a reason to try to pound you into the ground. At least the Vikings don’t play Cleveland this year.

Alec Baldwin was cited for riding his bike the wrong way on a New York City street, and then arrested when he allegedly became belligerent and abusive with the police. Then he ranted “How old are these officers? They don’t even know who I am.” Guessing the cops knew EXACTLY who Baldwin was…and that might have been why they arrested him when he played the DYKWIA card

At #ATTPark workers wear gloves to make giant hot fudge ice cream sundaes. Because the #SFGiants would hate for those sundaes to be unhealthy for you?

Mike Minor comes into game with 6.75 era. So of course #SFGiants can’t hit him. #turningbadpitchersintoCyYoung.

Reefer and other madness?

May 10, 2014

Just wondering, if you are an NFL player and live in Colorado or Washington, shouldn’t you be able to follow the laws of your state during the offseason?

Cleveland Browns WR Josh Gordon may be suspended for the season after failing a drug test, allegedly for marijuana . If true this would be Gordon’s FOURTH failed drug test. This ought to do wonders for the rumors that marijuana is bad for your memory…..

Johnny Manziel‬ at least consoled himself when he was drafted by the ‪Cleveland Browns‬ that he would have the best WR in the game. Oops. .‪#‎JoshGordon‬

 

The Cleveland Browns hope  #JohnnyFootball finally is their dream QB.   Or else a new generation of Cleveland fans will learn the term “mistake by the lake.”

 

The D.A. assigned to the Justin Bieber egging case apparently wants to charge it as a felony. Sounds like a waste of taxpayer dollars, but one question, is a felony conviction enough to get him deported?

After all the hoopla regarding the first round of the NFL Draft yesterday,  NFL fans had to wait for the second round until 8pm Friday night. They are dragging this thing out worse than the last minute of an NBA playoff game.

 

 

The FAA said an American Airlines plane almost collided with a drone earlier this year. Standby for CNN to devote several hours to a possible new theory for MH370….

The University of Oregon has announced three men’s basketball players involved in a sexual assault investigation have been dismissed from the program. Wonder how fast the now former Ducks can apply for the NBA draft?

 

Ha Ha Clinton-Dix was selected in the first round of the NFL draft by Green Bay. It had to be the Packers. Just guessing security for their away games may also include a sign censor.

 

Shame that #Alabama and Ha Ha #ClintonDix never played #Stanford.The LSJUMB band would have had great fun before they ended up on probation.

At this point all the #SFGiants need to make a run at another World Series title is one or two more Brandons.

Mitt Romney today, “I part company with many of the conservatives in my party on the issue of the minimum wage. I think we ought to raise it.” What, now that Mitt is not running for President he’s allowed to make occasional sense? Wonder how long it will take him to support Romney-Obamacare.

 

Ha Ha Clinton-Dix was selected in the first round of the NFL draft by Green Bay. It had to be the Packers. Just guessing security for their away games may also include a sign censor.

 

A judge struck down the Arkansas gay marriage ban. Great news, now residents of the state don’t have to be limited by gender when they marry a relative.

 

Story is that after the NFL draft, Johnny Manziel was partying until 5am in New York with women, shots and champagne. Wouldn’t it have been a bigger story if Manziel WASN’T partying until 5am with women, shots and champagne?

 

 

Police charged a woman with felony criminal mischief. Because she didn’t like the people living next door and allegedly tricked a contractor into bulldozing their mobile home. Back on your game, Florida.

Details, details.

March 13, 2014

Who says ESPN doesn’t pay enough attention to baseball.

bonds

 

Apparently the first week of Daylight Savings time is one of low productivity for Americans. And then next week starts March Madness. Guess we need to write off the month.

Mount St. Mary’s has reached the NCAA March Madness after going 16-16. But to be fair, in the NBA Eastern Conference, with that kind of record, the Mountaineers would probably be a #3 seed.

Chris Christie has ordered Tesla to close their direct sales offices in New Jersey, and only sell through franchised car dealerships. What happened to that conservative love of free market competition?

(a couple friends have suggested Christe’s just mad at Tesla because he can’t fit in one.)

A #SFGiants prospect who might make the team is Ehire Adrianza. Sounds like he could become #JohnTravolta‘s favorite player.

 

Just how big a jerk has Juan Pablo turned out to be? Even Massengill doesn’t want him as an spokesman.

 

Men’s Wearhouse is buying Jos. A Banks. Now you will be able to buy 10 cheap suits for the price of 1. I guarantee it.

In San Diego, police say several frat boys on spring break broke into SeaWorld at night, stole ice cream, and went looking for animals to take pictures with. What a shame they didn’t fall into the shark tank.

The 18 year old New Jersey honor student who sued to get her parents to support her has apparently moved back home. Anyone thought of setting this princess up with Justin Bieber?

Meanwhile, his lawyer is now blaming America’s obsession with celebrities for Justin Bieber’s bad behavior. Can’t imagine how the singer gets the reputation for a complete lack of self-awareness.

According to US Weekly, Juan Pablo is apparently angry with the ‘Bachelor’ crew because he “thought they gave him no privacy and wanted to know too much about his personal life and what he was doing all the time.” Right, because if you want to guard your privacy everyone knows the best place to do that is on a reality show.

 

So the mystery Iranians on flight 370 apparently were simply young men trying to skirt visa laws to get to Europe. #bummernowwecantbombsomeone?

 

Former Florida Governor Reubin Askew, 85, is apparently in “very grave condition” after a stroke. He was Governor when I lived in the state, and was a politican who did some things that actually made Florida admirable. Wishing him the best. #notalwaysabananarepublic.

Some are criticizing the President for going on “Between Two Ferns” to promote Obamacare. And I admit, I’d never heard of the show. But really,  folks, the President is trying to reach out to young people. “Between Two Ferns” makes a lot more sense than trying to appeal to both people under 30 who watch “60 Minutes.

 

Sounding silent?

March 10, 2014

Today is the 50th anniversary of the first recording of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Sounds of Silence.” Of course now the “Sounds of Silence” is when the duo turn off their hearing aids.

Retired NBA star Tracy McGrady, who wants to play professional baseball, has been invited by the independent Atlantic League Sugar Land Skeeters to spring training. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the Miami Marlins.

The law of unintended consequences.  Millions of men look better to their spouses and girlfriends tonight. Simply because they are not Juan Pablo.

A Minnesota legislator tweeted “Let’s be honest, 70% of teams in NBA could fold tomorrow + nobody would notice a difference w/ possible exception of increase in streetcrime” Proving once again you don’t need to show your bare a** on social media to make an a** of yourself.

The Miami Heat clinched a playoff berth. But isn’t the requirement to clinch a playoff spot in the #NBA East to be “alive and breathing?

Sbarro pizza restaurant chain filed for bankruptcy court protection Monday, the second time in three years. Guess there’s increasingly less of a market for fans of Italian food who find Olive Garden too exotic.

The mystery regarding Malaysian flight 370 deepens. And it poses a quandary for some in the GOP – who do we criticize Obama for not bombing?

Apparently the father of the young woman paying her Duke tuition by doing porn is an army doctor, who just found out about her job when he returned from Afghanistan. Could have been worse. He could have found out while doing some online “browsing.”

Detroit Lions owner William Clay Ford, 88, died over the weekend. Got to wonder in Dallas and Washington D.C. how many peoples’ ears pricked up when they heard “NFL” “Owner” and “Died” in the same sentence, and then thought “Darn….”

Truer words may never have been spoken. During a video deposition for a lawsuit involving his bodyguard, Justin Bieber was asked if Usher discovered him. He responded ““I was found on YouTube. I think I was detrimental to my own career.”

At his murder trial Oscar Pistorius vomited repeatedly today during graphic testimony about about the fatal injuries sustained by his girlfriend. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.

Former GOP Governor of Florida Charlie Crist, now running again as a Democrat, said of his former party – they are now “perceived as being anti-women, anti-minority, anti-immigrant, anti-gay, anti-education, anti-environment I mean pretty soon, there’s nobody left.”

Senator Mitch McConnell, on the Tea Party and their primary challengers. “I think we are going to crush them everywhere. I don’t think they are going to have a single nominee anywhere in the country.” These days would Will Rogers have to say he’s a Republican?

Nothing can go wrong, wrong, wrong….

February 12, 2014

Not the Onion: Thousands of prospective freshmen got an erroneous email this week telling them they had been admitted, and the college had to quickly send an apology email telling them of the mistake. Yeah, technology can be a b*tch. Especially for a school like…. MIT.

Not saying the USA has had an overall lousy Wednesday in Sochi, but except for women’s halfpipe, NBC in their quest to show American medals had to be thinking about giving  updates from the Westminster dog show.

As the halfpipe becomes increasingly complicated and trendy sport, what’s next? Someone doing a trick on the board while texting at the same time?

 

In Kentucky at the National Corvette Museum, eight Corvettes fell into a sinkhole. “That’s kind of a shame”, thought millions of American women. “Are you kidding, it’s a TRAGEDY”, thought millions of American men.

 

Sixteen people were stuck for over three hours on the “Cheetah Hunt” roller coaster at Busch Gardens in Tampa after the coaster stopped functioning. If only they had been armed.

Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin has been convicted on 20 of 21 counts of conspiracy and bribery. Well, he did violate Louisiana’s 11th commandment -“Thou shalt not be stupid enough to get caught.”

Derek Jeter just announced 2014 will be his last year playing professional baseball. Does that mean after the season Jeter will ask for a trade to the Mets?

In Jay Leno’s 22 years on the Tonight Show, he taped 4610 shows. More than Johnny Carson who taped 4531 shows in 22 years. So we weren’t imagining it when we thought Johnny took a lot of vacations.

 

 

What East Coast bias? All it took was a massive snowstorm postponing the Duke-NC men’s basketball game for ESPN to show Stanford-Washington on TV.

 

Madame Tussaud’s has removed their New York Justin Bieber figure because too many young fans were touching and groping the statue. The museum said “Hopefully we can welcome a new ‘grown-up’ Justin back to the attraction in the near future.” Uh, forget the museum, how about welcoming a new “grown up” Justin to the real world.

Obamacare has beaten their monthly health insurance enrollment target for the first time, with more than 1.14 million people signed up in January. Time for the GOP to focus on gay marriage and marijuana laws again.

Almost memories?

February 1, 2014

All of this Justin Bieber trouble in the headlines makes many Americans nostalgic for a kinder, gentler time, when the worst music export we could blame Canada for was Celine Dion.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said today that the name “Redskins” “honors Native Americans”, and “is a unifying force that stands for strength, courage, pride and respect..” Maybe once upon a time, but has Goodell watched the team play lately?”

Federal authorities say they have seized over $21 million in fake Super Bowl merchandise. What was their first clue? Did some of the gear say “Dallas Cowboys” on it?

Just think, the U.S. is only about a day away from being done with pre-Super Bowl hype. And after the post-Super Bowl recap is done we should be only about 48 hours away from NFL draft hype.

In Kingsport, Tenn, SF 49ers OL Daniel Kilgore was charged with public intoxication last Saturday night when police saw him “staggering” on a sidewalk and arrested him for his “safety and the welfare of the public.”. Just one thought, Kilgore is listed at 308 lb. How many drinks does it take to get “staggering” drunk at 308 lbs?

It’s an old joke but someone’s got to recycle it. Police today Friday were investigating white powder scares in New Jersey near MetLife Stadium. Wonder if the cops were Jets and Giants fans, in which case there’s a good chance the unknown powder was the goal line.

Olive Garden has a promotion next Friday night, drop off your kids at a “My Gym” location, eat at Olive Garden, show your receipt, and the babysitting is free. If this works maybe real Italian restaurants will follow suit.

Roger Goodell, joking about marijuana and the NFL drug policy, “I am randomly tested, and I’m happy to say that I am clean.” No doubt. If Goodell inhaled, the No Fun League might be a little mellower.

Apparently Tim Tebow will appear in two Super Bowl ads. If the ads are any good presumably they’ll only run in the 4th quarter?

U.S. Capitol Police say they will not press charges over the incident when Rep. Michael Grimm threatened to throw a reporter over a “f*cking balcony.” No doubt because despite the threat, the police figured, Grimm’s a Congressman, they don’t actually DO anything.

In an interview with Geraldo Rivera Rudy Giuliani said it’s “fifty-fifty” that Christie was aware in advance of the bridge closures. And if anyone knows on the uncertain odds of honesty, it’s the man who’s said “til death do us part” three times.

Not sure if these new allegations that Chris Christie knew about the bridge closure in advance are true. But strikes me if they are the NJ Governor maybe should have responded when the story first hit ” – Yeah, I closed down a few lanes on his damn bridge. What do you think I’ll do to countries who don’t cooperate with the U.S.?”

Apparently 6% of Americans call in sick the day after the Super Bowl. Forget avoiding cruises, clearly the real way to take care of your health is to avoid Super Bowl parties.

Now Toronto mayor Rob Ford has come to the defense of Justin Bieber. Maybe Ford views Bieber as a future Canadian political leader?

Robert Marchand, 102, broke his own world record in the 100’s cycling category. He rode 26.927 kilometers in one hour, more than 2.5 kilometers better than his previous best time two years ago. Quick, somebody test his ENSURE.

 

Not-so-Hot-lanta?

January 30, 2014

Good thing they didn’t schedule the Super Bowl somewhere with really arctic conditions, like Atlanta.

So the weather is improving in New Jersey and New York. But wouldn’t it have been ironic had the Falcons or Panthers gotten in, and been unable to fly to the Super Bowl because of snow in Atlanta and Charlotte?

As of today, a petition on the White House website calling for Justin Bieber’s deportation back to Canada has over 103,000 signatures. (100,000 is the number required for Obama to consider petitions.) Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country?

Gregg Williams was originally hired at St. Louis, but never coached when he was suspended for his role in the Saints bounty scandal. Now the Rams have hired him again as defensive coordinator. Proving once again in the NFL, that most sins are easier to forgive than the sin of losing.

All the hand-wringing in the SF Bay Area because the Golden State Warriors lost a home game to the Washington Wizards, who are actually a .500 team. It’s not like the Warriors lost to a truly awful team – like the Lakers.

Lance Berkman officially announced his retirement today. The reaction from most baseball fans. “Wasn’t he already retired?”

“The Big Day,” “The Big Game” “Big Game Party.” Really!? How many billion a year does the NFL make and how much would it hurt to let bars, restaurants and stores advertise and use the phrase “Super Bowl?”

California Assemblyman and gubernatorial candidate Tim Donnelly apparently has only voted in 18 out of 37 elections since 1995 . His office says “It appears he may have missed a few of the local elections…but that may have simply been due to his travel schedule, raising 5 children, and running a small business at the time.” Well, gosh, and if he’s that busy now, how does Donnelly think he could possibly juggle the time demands of being Governor?

Joe Biden, 71, is now hinting that he may run for President. What’s his point? To make Hillary Clinton look young and vigorous?

Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill is sending out burrito coupons for your “half birthday.”. Is this really a great idea for anyone over 30? Reminding us that we are less than six months away from being a year older?

Despite sub-freezing temperatures.  The New York Rangers looked good in sweeping the two outdoor NHL games at Yankee Stadium this week.,  Maybe the Knicks will offer to set up an outdoor court in the Bronx next?

From Marc Ragovin:  “The first Rangers/Devils game at Yankee Stadium had to be delayed because of glare. That is why they should have played at Citi Field. Because the sun never shines there”

Who says there are no stupid questions?

January 29, 2014

Ah Super Bowl Media day. Where apparently today an actual question was “Will this be a must win game for you?”

It got  better at Media Day. Peyton Manning was asked if he’d be on SNL…. this week. (Would have given a lot to hear Peyton answer “Um, just a bit busy. But Tom Brady is available.”)

Peyton Manning, downplaying talk about his “legacy.”     “I’m still in the middle of my career.” “Atta boy” said Brett Favre .

Richard Sherman in his column yesterday “If I could pass a lesson on to the kids it would be this: Don’t attack anybody. I shouldn’t have attacked Michael Crabtree the way I did. You don’t have to put anybody else down to make yourself bigger.” Sounds like Sherman has been thinking. Either that or he got a call from his mother.

In a recent poll, Pete Carroll was voted the coach most NFL players wanted to play for, with 22% naming him. 7.2%, however, said Rex Ryan. Must be guys who like having their Januarys off.

Yasiel Puig, arrested in Florida allegedly doing 110 in a 70 mph zone, has had his reckless driving charged dropped for “insufficient evidence” but the ticket will still stand. So it’s not reckless if you’re rich? #Affluenza

A Seattle couple has named their new born daughter, Cydnee Leigh 12th Mann. Now what happens if she grows up to hate football? Or worse yet, becomes a 49er fan?

Some discussion over with the egging and DUI if Justin Bieber could be deported back to Canada. As U.S. law does permit that for “serious crimes.” How about serious crimes against music?

Jury selection has begun for the bribery trial of former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin. If convicted Nagin could be sentenced to serve as Louisiana’s Governor.

Tom Perkins, a full two days after his letter appeared in the WSJ, “I’d deeply apologize to anyone who has mistaken my reference to Kristallnacht as a sign of overt or latent anti-Semitism,” Would Perkins settle for us considering it a sign of overt and latent arrogant stupidity?

After a horrible year for the Dallas defense, Monte Kiffin was moved from defensive coordinator to an assistant head coaching position. If the Cowboys really want to make a difference by weakening someone’s power,  maybe they can move Jerry Jones to an assistant head coaching position?

Kobe Bryant will miss another two weeks due to his knee injury. Which makes him luckier than most of the Lakers. (And their fans.)

Starwood Hotels is working on technology for guests to use their smartphones as room keys. Which will make things even more fun when you leave your phone somewhere, especially inside your hotel room.

RIP Pete Seeger, 94. And we still wonder, when will they ever learn, when will they ever learn?

Stay classy.    After the State of the Union,  a NY reporter asked  Staten Island Rep. Michael Grimm about the speech, and then asked a follow up question about an FBI investigation into his campaign finances. Grimm’s response at first was “I’m not speaking to you off-topic, this is only about the president.”  The Congressman then added : “Let me be clear to you, you ever do that to me again I’ll throw you off this f—–g balcony.”

(well at least this wouldn’t happen with Chris Christie. The NJ Governor isn’t yet in good enough shape to throw someone off a balcony.)

And I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. But the Tonight Show with Jay Leno is down to its last two weeks..  And yesterday they used a joke almost word for word from Gary Bachman that was on this blog. And tonight they used a joke almost word for word about Royal Caribbean marketing a cruise as a way to lose weight….. Hey, Jimmy Fallon people, if you’re reading this.  I’ll freelance for you legitimately,  cheap.

Vive la France?

January 15, 2014

French President Francois Hollande, facing allegations that he is cheating on his longterm partner, acknowledged “ordeals” in his personal life, and said he would “clarify who the first lady is before he takes a presidential trip to the United States on Feb. 11.” And Bill Clinton is thinking “You could do that?”

Jacqueline Bisset: “I can’t remember what I said” in her Golden Globes speech. “I am shocked”, said nobody who watched the speech

More from Florida. A court recently ruled that colleges and universities had to allow student to keep guns in their cars on campus, now the gun rights group that won that case is trying to force the University of Florida to allow firearms in dorm rooms and student apartments. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

The man who allegedly fatally shot another movie-goer over texting is a retired and well-regarded Tampa police officer with a 20 year career who has led gun safety classes. So how do you stop a “good guy with a gun?”

Stay classy Texas, where conservative blogger Bill Whittle at a Ted Cruz rally joked (well, MAYBE he was joking), about opening fire on cars with California license plates… and getting a medal for it. The entire little vignette is at the bottom of this post.

Chris Christie during his State of the State Address “Mistakes were clearly made.” And no doubt what he thinks is the #1 mistake – putting anything in writing in an email.

Wonder how bad #Bridgegate has to get before Snooki says she’s embarrassed to be from New Jersey?

The LA County Sheriff’s Department searched Justin Bieber’s mansion after a complaint that eggs were thrown at a neighbor’s home. They apparently found drugs including cocaine and arrested one of Bieber’s guest. We knew Bieber wanted to be an star as an adult. But looks like the star he wants to be is Lindsay Lohan.

The illegal forward pass that ended the Saints’ season Saturday was apparently a “designed play that went awry.” Sounds like the whole Cowboys season.

The Chicago Cubs say that some of the reaction to their new mascot was “despicable.” Many Cubs fans think that adjective should be reserved for the team’s play on the field.

The owners of the Empire State Building are suing a photographer for $1.1 million because he took pictures of a topless model on the observation deck. I don’t know…. Guessing random photo shoots of topless models might increase visitor counts.

Bud Selig, who says he is retiring, again, at the end of 2014, says he wants to spend his last year as commissioner on a Mariano Rivera-type tour of all 30 major-league baseball stadiums. Except presume when Bud is in house the parks will ban fruit and plastic bottle sales?

#‎PabloSandoval‬ has lost 42 pounds. That’s half a ‪#‎TimLincecum‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

Houston Texans owner Bob McNair has been raving about South Carolina DE Jadeveon Clowney, a potential #1 NFL draft pick. Well, it might be a good fit, the Texans have a rebuilding program, a new head coach, and a state speed limit that tops out at 85 mph.

The Texas “joke”   “I’ve said this several times in Texas before and I’ve said it to Mr. Cruz as a representative of the Texas government, I’ve said it to Gov. (Rick) Perry directly, and now I’m going to say it to you as individual Texas citizens. You will see a lot of cars coming west heading east on Interstate 10, and they’re going to have California license plates on them. Now, if you see these cars pull into rest areas or hotels or restaurants, that’s fine; wave goodbye, make sure they go out on the Louisiana end. But if you see them pull off into residential areas, you need to open fire on these vehicles immediately. Immediately. Not with 9mm or AR rounds; you need to put mortars on those things, you cannot take any chances. What’s the worst that could happen to you? I mean, honestly, this is Texas, right? You’ll stand in front of a Texas judge, (and) he’ll say, ‘Did you shoot up that car full of Californians?’ You’ll say yes, he’ll say why. You’ll say, ‘Well, your honor, they needed killing.’ And he’ll say, ‘We’ll strike a medal in your honor,’ and off you go.

Barfman ?

September 14, 2013

A rumor is circulating that Justin Bieber is up for the role of Robin in the next Batman movie. Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country? Think the reaction from most liberals and conservatives is – “I’m going to throw up.”

ESPN says they have obtained a photo of Texas A&M QB Johnny Manziel signing for autograph broker Drew Tieman this January. Gosh if this is authentic and the NCAA had seen it, Manziel might have been suspended for three whole quarters.

Cal’s football team did lose 52-34 to Ohio State Saturday night. But is it a moral victory that they scored 15 more than the SF Giants did in LA?

The Fresno State-Colorado football game was cancelled due to flooding. Colorado coach Mike MacIntyre said “There are a lot of issues out there that are a lot bigger than football.” Now there’s a man who will never coach in Texas.

This week, a Pennsylvania appeals court will hear Jerry Sandusky’s challenge to his child molestation conviction. If he loses, can they change his sentence to be served in the general population?

Quote from Harry S Truman, who may be smiling about Syria today: “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”

Oregon-Tennessee uniforms are as ugly as the game. The 80s called, they want their color scheme back.

Oregon 59 – #Tennessee 7. Last time young men from the South were beaten this badly by young men from the North, General Lee was arranging terms of surrender.

.And lastly, from my friend Michael Schilby.  If this story isn’t true it should be.  Dedicated to all of us who have had TMI moments on public transit:

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice:

“Hi sweetheart. It’s Sue. I’m on the train”.

“Yes, I know it’s the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting”.

“No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss”.

“No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life”.

“Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart!”

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.

When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, “Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed.”

Sue doesn’t use her cell phone in public any more.

Captain Courageous?

April 25, 2013

At a press conference today in Yankee Stadium, Derek Jeter vowed to return to the field in 2013. Of course he didn’t say whether it might be to throw out a ceremonial first pitch.

Some are openly questioning how the alleged Boston bomber’s wife could be so completely in the dark about  her husband’s secret life. At least no one’s asked for a public comment from Hillary Clinton.

LeBron James, on finishing second to Marc Gasol for the NBA’s Defensive Player of the Year award: “It sucks. It definitely sucks, though, finishing second. Who wants to finish second?” Well, this ought to take care of Lebron’s reputation for whining.

Shocking story about a baby in Delhi sold twice on Facebook. Many Indians can’t believe it. They figured babies were only sold on Ebay.

The  NFL Draft started Thursday. W ell, it was about time football finally got some #ESPN coverage.

Wonder how many SEC players who got drafted are due for a pay cut?

Really? Ebay is emailing all members telling us to tell Congress “No” on proposed online sales tax legislation, as it is “wrongheaded”, “unfair” and a “burden” for small businesses. Except that businesses with less than $1 mill. a year in online sales would be exempt. Guess it depends on what the definition of “small” is.

Now the media is reporting “Carnival Cruise ship evacuated.” The story, after barge explosions on the Mobile River, crew members who are living on the Carnival Triumph while it is being repaired were taken off for safety reasons. Dear Gawd. When the ship is repaired will they report on the number of people with hangovers and upset stomachs from overindulging on board?

Stockholm police apparently found illegal narcotics on Justin Bieber’s tour bus. So is this enough for the U.S. to deport him back to Canada

The alleged Boston bombers’ mother says she believes that the bombing was fake, “a show,” and that the blood was “paint.” Wow. Even U.S. Conspiracy theorists are impressed. What’s next, a talk radio gig?

Asked if her son Jeb should run for President, Barbara Bush responded “He’s by far the best qualified man, but no. We’ve had enough Bushes. It’s not just four families, or whatever” Hmm, maybe the Bush we should have elected was Barbara.

Stanford LB Alex Debniak gave an interesting and articulate pre-draft interview on local radio today. Although he did say at one point “Me and my agent…” Quick, check for academic fraud.

Guess  Manti T’eo being a first round draft pick was as much of an illusion as the Notre Dame star’s girlfriend. #NFLDraft

Love and marriage…

March 8, 2013

This might be the first link to a commercial I’ve ever posted.  It’s for the new Amazon Kindle, and if you haven’t seen it,  it’s so worth 30 seconds of your time.  IMHO:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lS3t9reE364.

Barack Obama took 12 GOP senators out to dinner last night and personally picked up the tab. Waiting for Ted Cruz to demand the President’s impeachment for attempted bribery.

San Diego may soon permit  medical marijuana sales from vending machines. Assume next to the Doritos machines?

QB Gunner Kiel, a top recruit in 2012, changed his mind and defected from both Indiana and LSU before ending up at Notre Dame.  Now Kiel has now announced he is transferring after one year in South Bend.  What’s Gunner’s reason, that the Fighting Irish weren’t offering enough of a commitment?

Michigan Senator Carl Levin, 78, has announced he will not seek re-election in 2014. “Retiring so young?!” remarked John McCain.

Mariano Rivera says he is retiring after the 2013 season. Responded Cher – “The first time is the hardest.”

Former SF Giants closer Brian Wilson has announced he will not try out for MLB teams until he is at 100% following his second Tommy John surgery. Does that mean “the Beard” is retiring?

A new study shows that consuming large quantities of processed meats can raise your risk of premature death by 44%. Hmm, maybe a solution to the Social Security/Medicare funding crisis – free hot dogs and bacon for all!.

The Big East is probably changing their name for football to “America 12 Conference” as they’ve registered the domain name “America12.org” The way schools have been leaving hope they also registered “America11” “America10”, “America9” and so on….

Facebook’s new News Feed will apparently place greater emphasis on photos that members post. You know what this means, even more cats!

Milwaukee Brewers GM Doug Melvin ended up in the Scottsdale emergency room after being stung by a scorpion. Hearing the story, SF Giants fans are surprised it didn’t happen to Jeremy Affeldt.

Pop star Justin Bieber needed medical attention after he. fainted during a concert in London. Fortunately Bieber did recover, and to the dismay of most parents in attendance, he did return to finish the show.

From Bill Littlejohn:     “Johnny Manziel said that he will take out an insurance policy in case of a career-ending injury.   And after he takes out this one for the nightclubs and bars he goes to, he’ll also take out one for playing football.”