Posted tagged ‘Coors field jokes’

Got to start sometime.

September 5, 2016

Headline “Johnny Manziel” is taking classes again at Texas A&M.” Really?! ” What is this “again” they speak of.?”

 

Many things you don’t do in Denver. For starters, never diss John Elway. And never walk two hitters to start an inning at #CoorsField #SFGiants #Rockies

Matt Moore only had one bad inning.  Although by that token the Cubs have had only one bad century.

The #SFGiants ARE going to reach double digits in hits in a game again this season, aren’t they? #Wecandream

 

I know #LaborDay is a holiday, but don’t think that meant #SFGiants starting pitcher should join hitters in taking the day off.

#ColinKaepernick‘s jersey now the top seller on team. So either there’s no such thing as bad publicity, or NOBODY cares about the #49ers.

Okay, now there’s some controversy because Malia Obama was seen at Budweiser Made in America Festival in a ‘Smoking Kills’ T-shirt. Because she was seen smoking at Lollopalooza last month. Uh, folks, pretty sure Malia wasn’t smoking tobacco

#Texas upsets #NotreDame in two overtimes. This would have never happened in South Bend – refs would not have allowed it.

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Too soon to start a pool on which NFL team will now decide former 49ers TE Bruce Miller deserves a third chance?

Waiting for the bumper sticker. “Vote Trump because you hope he’ll change.”

 

Phyllis Schafly, 92, has died For the younger generation, she was almost as beloved by moderate and liberal women as Ann Coulter.

 

So I think I’ve got this straight. If Hillary doesn’t release every single one of her emails and documents it is because she is an evil person with something to hide. But if Trump doesn’t release his tax returns or records of his divorces or business dealings it’s because we just wouldn’t understand. #Sarcasm

Rudy Giuliani today on CNN, Trump “would find it very, very difficult to throw out a family that has been here for 15 years and they have three children, two of whom are citizens. That is not the kind of America he wants.”
Difficult, maybe, but the Donald could do it because he would have the biggest, the bestest people helping him….

Some seem to think that anyone voting for Hillary Clinton is excusing all her issues and faults. Nope. Hillary is a flawed candidate, and her flaws have been in the public eye for a long time.
But to paraphrase the late great Jean Marshall Crawford “She’s not perfect, but he’s nuts.”

 

And okay I realize that a majority of my friends and readers currently plan to vote for Hlllary, some cheerfully, some holding their noses. Some waiting to see if there is an “October Surprise.” Others will protest vote Libertarian, Green or write-in. But as to those voting Trump, a serious question to ask – is there anything he could do or say to change your minds?
Or could he indeed shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue because you dislike Hillary so much?

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Irish “Ayes” are smiling.

May 23, 2015

Ireland is mostly a Catholic country.  And the Irish Constitution contains this phrase: “We, the people of Éire, Humbly acknowledging all our obligations to our Divine Lord, Jesus Christ, Who sustained our fathers through centuries of trial.” And with over 62 % voting in favor of gay marriage,  they’ve decided Jesus was indeed a tolerant guy. ‪#‎Fabulous‬

 

Patriots fans are planning a “Free Tom Brady” rally tomorrow from 11a to1p at Gillette Stadium. It’s described on FB as “a peaceful rally to protest the unjust football arrest of half God half man Tom Brady.” Wow. There must really not be much to do in Foxborough on Memorial Day weekend.

So on what would have been Bristol’s wedding day, the Palins and her ex-fiance’s family said they are still gathering for a barbecue at the Meyer’s farm in Kentucky. “‘On the year anniversary of our families meeting each other, this weekend is to appreciate both our families’ unconventional, unexpected chapters in exciting lives, with pages turning to more opportunities to live life vibrantly.” Possible translation – both families are thinking “We dodged a bullet.”

(Either that or no one wants to waste food when it’s too late to cancel the caterer?)

As a make-up doubleheader at Coors Field between Colorado and San Francisco had the first game  delayed over two hours and the second game delayed and almost rained out, MLB has to be thinking what a good thing it is that the Rockies are almost never season contenders.  Add fall and real snow potential  and it might take a month to play the World Series.

 

Unlikely sporting event: The Houston Rockets making it to the NBA Western Conference Finals. Even more unlikely sporting event: Houston fans saying “It’s okay when we lose, we still have the Astros.”

 

The minor-league Florida Stone Crabs planned “A-Rod Juice Box Night” tonight, where the first 500 fans got a free juice box, and any fans bringing A-Rod T-shirts, hats or other merchandise to be donated to the Salvation Army could get a free ticket. Alas it was cancelled after protests from the Yankees, whose spokesman said “We have taken many steps in last few hours to get them to cease and desist.” No doubt many many $tep$.

Atlanta’s Kent Bazemore, whose Hawks team is down 2-0 to the Cleveland Cavaliers – “I still think we’re the better team.” Thinking there were a lot of teams who were “better” than the SF Giants last year too.

In Cleveland, a white police officer was acquitted of manslaughter in a 2012 case where two unarmed black suspects whose car backfired while speeding past police headquarters were fatally shot in a 137-shot barrage. Because 140 or 150 shots would have been excessive force?

This would be funny if it weren’t so awful. An Arkansas state judge told police on Thursday to destroy the 2006 offense report on Josh Duggar. Mike Huckabee, who is publicly defending the family says the “victims wanted this left in the past,” so the destruction was “not to protect Josh, but the innocent victims.” ‪#‎JesusREALLYwept‬

What me worry? Coors Field safe leads and other myths.

September 3, 2014

coors

Leads are so unsafe at Coors Field that you don’t even need a voodoo cat.  But one can help.   (SF Giants down 6-0, won 12-7)

Meanwhile, anyone seen the #CoorsField humidor repairman? #SFGiants #Rockies

ESPN reporting the Cowboys are is bringing in Michael Sam for a physical Wednesday, and they hope to sign him to the Dallas practice squad. Not sure who will have a harder time, Cowboys fans who are homophobic and can’t stand the idea of rooting for a gay man, or gay-friendly liberals who can’t stand the idea of rooting for Dallas.

The NY Yankees announced that the entire team will wear a patch honoring Derek Jeter’s final-season logo on their hats and uniforms from Sept. 7 through the end of the season. Gosh. I know I’ve been busy and probably missed the initial coverage, but just how many months does poor Jeter have left to live?

From Alex Kaseberg.  “The New York Yankees will mark the rest of the year by wearing Derek Jeter patches on their hats and uniforms. In addition, the clubhouse will feature Alex Rodriguez toilet paper.”

No joke, the owner of a shooting range where a 9 year old girl accidentally killed her instructor with an Uzi said shooting the gun was “something that was high on her bucket list to do.” A bucket list? At 9? Maybe because with this kind of stupidity from her parents none of them will live to be old?

Another air rage incident over reclining seats results in a plane being diverted, this time Delta. Of course, the airlines could avoid these issues by putting their seats far enough apart for average humans…. Or more likely they’ll start training their flight crews in the use of handcuffs.

The state of Colorado isn’t taking in as much in taxes on legalized marijuana as expected. On the other hand, law enforcement costs must be down. And is the state figuring in taxes from increased tourism, and sales taxes on junk food?

SF 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh was asked if he had a comment on the 49ers’ NFL-leading 10 arrests since 2012, and responded, “We’re going to do everything in our power to make sure there isn’t a pattern forming.” Uh, coach, there’s ALREADY a pattern forming.

Stanford beat UC Davis 45-0 last Saturday and fell two places in the Coaches’ Poll. Clearly they should have held the Aggies to negative points.

The NFL has apparently suspended Wes Welker four games for use of amphetamines. Let the “tainted supplement” whining begin, again.

So the story is that Wes Welker allegedly took MDMA (Molly) while attending the Kentucky Derby in May. How stupid can he be if so. The official mind-altering drug of choice during the Derby is always the Mint Julep.

 

It’s now the “USA Today AMWAY Top 25 Coaches Poll.” Once again, can’t imagine how college football players get the idea playing the sport should be about money.

My friend Jon N. says “Actually, Amway only named the top five. Then each of those five had to select five. Then, by adding more levels, everyone enjoys greater success!

Justin Bieber was arrested again this weekend while vacationing  in Ontario, Canada. Bieber was charged for dangerous driving and assault after his ATV allegedly collided with a minivan. Clearly another international incident that is a failure of Obama’s leadership…. Time to secure that Northern Border.